Red Velvet: A Paily Story
by rcampdel
Summary: Its been 7 years since Paige left Rosewood. So many things in her life have changed and now fate has brought her back. Emily has never left. Friends have moved on and so has her family. All she has are the broken pieces of her life and the chance to really live again. This is an AU story that follows Paige, Emily and the lives of the people their love touches. Join the circus!
1. Chapter 1

_**Here it is...The Red Velvet Debut. Thank you to everyone that followed Blue Lace so closely and let me know how much you loved it and how it touched you. This is special for all of you that enjoyed the chapter 12 special dream sequence because now I'm taking that story back to the beginning and i hope it grows in the same amazing way that Blue Lace did. Let me know what you think. I've written this literally come hell or high water. (lainierb, thank you for being so patient with me and being the best member of our 2 woman gang!) I'm not letting the hurricane outside my window slow me down. I love this story and what it will hopefully become. I hope you love it too. A new place, A new time, a new dynamic and a timeless love story.**_

_**Lyric Mention for prologue: Hear Me-Kelly Clarkson**_

* * *

It's so easy to get used to the ground moving beneath your feet when it's all you've known. There comes a time when you no longer stumble at the stop. When you adjust to the stillness without second thought. It's easy, well-practiced and you never stop to think about it being anything but normal.

Hold on tight to the bars of a moving carousel and lean over the edge. Watch the movement of the ground below and close your eyes. Now let go. There's a moment that catches your breath and brings a calm through your veins, but it passes too quickly and before you know it you falter and fall when the stillness of the ground absorbs the movement of your body through the air. Enough practice and your body quickly learns how to step lightly into the jump and land soundly on your feet.

But what happens when your careful practice isn't enough to keep you from falling to your knees? And what if you find something that makes you realize that you've never really been moving at all? That the ground has never been spinning beneath your feet? Not until now. Not until her.

* * *

"How far out are we?" She asked. The tall man stopped as he walked past.

"About 30 minutes." He replied with a warm smile.

She nodded, kicking her boots off of the table in the commons car and standing to open the side window so she could peer out. Looking towards the front of the train she could see the rolling green hills of Pennsylvania. Trees hugged tightly to the tracks letting stray bits of sunlight slip through. The air was fresh and warm, blowing strands of her long auburn hair from her face. She turned to look towards the back of the train out of habit, rolling her eyes and sighing at large piece of fabric flowing from another window further down. Shaking her head in disbelief she turned back to the tall man. And that wasn't just a way of being descriptive because in truth he was tall, and he was also the stilt man, but his name was Peter.

"Hey can you have Aiden get the clowns under control? They're using Mary's bra as a kite again."

He smiled and nodded as he walked towards the back door of the car. Mary was one of the burlesque women who...well, let's just say the bra was made from a large amount of fabric.

"Paige, you do know she's usually the one holding the string right?" A mischievous grin on his lips. She crinkled her brow in confusion.

"Then what is she wearing?" She called after him.

His smile widened as he disappeared through the door.

"Oh, ew!" She shouted, shaking her head.

The people on this train have some serious issues sometimes but that's what made them such a great family. Family was a loose term and if by using it you mean drunk relatives dancing naked at a reunion...then they were the best family ever. And yes, there have been times like that. Almost all of them had been with her for the last seven years, some not so long but even with their quirks she wouldn't trade them for anything, or the views that came with always moving. She looked out the window again at the small town appearing in the distance. When she looked to the back of the train she noticed that the bra had been pulled in and suddenly she second guessed her love for the view. Instead she was wishing that the bra still hung from the window. But no, Mary now hung her chest out the window. Her first thought was to be impressed that she managed to fit that much out in the first place due to the small size of the opening and the 'not so small' size of her...assets. That thought passed quickly and had her throwing the window shut and stumbling back into the couch.

"Oh God!" On the list of things you can't un-see...check one!

The train whistled, clearing the image quickly from her mind. She pushed her body into movement through the front door of the commons car and into a long narrow hallway. They always whistled 15 minutes out. By now Mary's breasts should be tucked safely back into her bra. God, let's all take a moment to pray for that, please and thank you...Okay continue.

The small corridor was dark and quiet, with a deep red carpet and rich wood walls that showcased tiny carvings throughout the molding. She opened a door half way down the hall, closing it behind her and walkied to the small closet beside her bed. Reluctantly she stripped herself of her favorite t-shirt and replaced it with a dark emerald-green thermal, bunching the long sleeves up her forearms. Her eyes grazed across the red velvet jacket the hung before her as she reached above her head to the shelf and retrieved her leather belt. She took just a moment to enjoy the intricate design carved into it. Brown with tiny swirls of black forming vines and Victorian fleur-de-lis to the point where it resembled French lace. She choked back the tightening in her chest and slipped it quickly through the loops of her black jeans, then turned to face her room, letting her back lean into the closet door as anxiety began to make itself known. This always happened before stops. Nothing worrisome, just another stop with excited people. An entirely new set of possibilities. And that was the first lie she had told herself today.

She walked to the vanity in the corner to grab a hair tie, pulling her long curls into a sloppy pony-tail, taking a moment to study herself in the mirror and forcing a deep breath. She was never this unsettled, in fact she was the epitome of calm. Another lie that would be the truth on any other day. She didn't like her time spent on solid ground.

Houses began zipping by the window as the whistle sounded and the train locked onto the first set of brakes. She bent down to adjust the zipper on her calf-high leather boots then forced herself from her room. The hall was empty, not usual given the circumstances, because everyone else was further back on the train getting things ready. She kicked the step lock near a side hatch and let it fly open. The train was still slowing, maintaining a speed of about 40 miles an hour. The driver waiting until they got closer to their stopping point to throw on the last breaks. She grabbed tightly to the handle by the door, leaning carefully out over the edge, watching the ground fly past and calculating the speed carefully. Taking into account the lack of real wind, judging by the stillness of the trees, and the loose gravel that bordered the track. She studied the drop.

The train lurched as the last breaks were applied. She counted in her head, focusing on the ground as it slowed. Then she let go, feeling the movement of screeching metal behind her and enjoying the moment when her breath caught. She planted her feet soundly on the ground, practiced. Turning around slowly the wind from the train kicked her hair around her face as the cars continued to push down the tracks, ripping the oxygen from her chest and jolting her nerves. She turned her back from the train as it continued so slow, letting her eyes fall on her surroundings.

The town was small and quaint, looking much like a picturesque version of the perfect American dream. White picket fences and Victorian street lamps. The kind of town straight off the front of a postcard. Just another cluster of pretty houses, simple and perfect and lacking any type of mystery or surprise. The name painted on the vintage sign said it all. White letters surrounded by pink flowers and green ivy. The people here would be friendly and probably overly hung up on their little mom and pop shops. Housewives set pies to cool on their kitchen windows and kids skipped to school every morning. She could assume these things just by looking at it, but she knew these things to be a lie because she had been here before. Seven years ago Rosewood had been her home, and it held nothing but bad memories.

* * *

The sun beat down on her shoulder as she walked down the road, kicking her boot into the ground as it turned from pavement to dirt and opened up to the Rosewood stables. She had been working here almost everyday for the last three years. Staying even after her parents had moved to Texas for retirement. Nothing about her mom's rants on culture and cowboys had fanned her interest in leaving Rosewood. Though she should have picked her choice in words a little more carefully on that one because cowboys held nothing for her. Nothing about the heat was alluring either. How could heat be tempting when she would miss the cool breeze blowing through the trees every night. And the snow that would cover the ground at Christmas. She told herself that's why she had stayed but the truth was, she just hadn't been given the right reasons to leave. Without the right reason her drive and desire to change her life was nonexistent. Even though she felt stuck in the moment of never moving forward, it was easier than facing something new. And this town had too tight of a hold on her to allow her to leave so easily.

She stopped short a few feet from the stable door, listening to the conversation she was hearing inside. Her throat tightened as she forced her body to move, throwing open the door and letting it crash into the siding. She came to a stop in front of two men holding clip boards and eyeing her cautiously.

One man, Brian, she knew because she had worked with him everyday for the last three years as his assistant manager. The other man she knew only from the picture hanging on the wall of the country club.

"Emily..." Brian said, slightly stunned by her arrival. She stared at them skeptically, eyeing the horse stall that they stood in front of.

"What's going on?" She asked, inching forward. Brian stepped towards her and wrapped and arm around her shoulder, leading her back outside. She threw a glance at the other man over her shoulder but he was already looking back to his clipboard. Brian spoke once they were back outside.

"Listen, Emily...he has to go. His owners haven't paid the last months rent on his stall and we can't get ahold of them or keep boarding him."

"I can pay for his stall and whatever they owe on him." She said instantly.

"How? It would take three of your paychecks to make up for last month and even more to keep him here any longer because you'll need vet checks and certification papers in your name...that's not free." He said, staring at her sadly.

What he said was true. She could easily cover what was owed but there was no chance of keeping him here longer. Her paycheck was fine on its own because she was doing something that made her happy. The only thing that made her happy. But it wasn't a lot. The only thing that made it easy for her to work here was the fact that her parents let her stay at the house. It was paid off and too valuable to sell. Her mom had tried that a few times but she had complained enough to get her to change her mind.

"What's gonna happen to him?" She asked, casting her eyes to the ground. He sighed, looking down at his clipboard.

"It looks like the auction. We have to try to make up for the money we've lost keeping him here and..."

"When?" She asked cutting him off before the tightening in her throat made it impossible for her to breathe let alone speak.

"Monday." He said surely.

"Two days?!" She snapped, disbelief slapping every once of resolve from her body. He watched her carefully as she turned away, trying to calm herself. After a few moments she heard him move away, and the stable door squeak shut leaving her alone to her panic.

She crouched down, resting her elbows on her knees and letting her head fall into her hands. This couldn't be happening. So it was just one horse, and there would always be others, but its the only one she had cared for for the last three years straight and the only glimmer of happiness that she had been able to find here. If she didn't have this happiness...if it was ripped from her again...then what would she have holding her here. She'd only have the memories of things she didn't want to remember.

She stood after a few moments, when her breathing had slowed, straightening herself and allowing the blood to flow painfully back into her legs. Turning her back from the stable, she began retracing her steps down the road. They'd have to manage without her today, because suddenly she didn't feel up to saying goodbye to the last shred of happiness that held her solidly to the ground.

Her street was quiet. No bustle of kids riding their bikes and no hum from passing cars. The silence surrounding the town was something she had long since grown used to. She stepped onto the large wooden porch of the grey house, pulling her keys from her pocket and unlocking the door. Remembering a time when everyone used to sleep with their doors unlocked and their windows open. Most people had managed to do that again, just not her. Old habits die hard.

She had also gotten used to the silence in the house every time she stepped inside. Being alone used to make her feel uneasy and scared but not anymore. She had her own routine and her own space. What could be better than that? It was amazing to be on her own with nobody to answer to.

She climbed the stairs to her bedroom, amazed by how easily she could lie to herself and how easily she could make herself believe those lies, if only for a moment. Not much had changed here since high school at all. The same cheery yellow walls and pillow covered window bench. The same cluster of photos across her dresser showcasing all the people she loved most. Friends that had moved away and two girls that had been murdered. She should probably put these pictures away but that would mean change and well, change doesn't come easy.

Dropping to the bed she buried her face in her blanket, lavender with white flowers. She lay in silence, part of her mind searching for something that the fabric should contain, but coming up empty. Shallow breaths left her lungs as her body relaxed, numbing the uncertainty in her mind.

Her phone rang, waking her from a dreamless sleep. The walls were now a darker shade of yellow as the sun sunk lower in the sky. She reached into her back pocket, pulling her cell phone out and watching the name flash across the screen as her blurry eyes tried to focus.

"Hey Han." She said, scooting up in bed.

"Em! Get your ass ready cuz we're going out tonight." Hanna demanded. She glanced at the clock by the bed.

"Hanna, there's no way I'm driving into Philly tonight during rush hour. I have to work tomorrow and the last time I came there you kept me up until five in the morning because your apartment walls are thin."

"Caleb is out of town...and you're not coming here. I'll pick you up in an hour."

The phone line went dead. Hanna had the habit of laying something bad on you and then hanging up before you could protest. That's how many of her bad ideas had started, and that's exactly what this was. Bad.

* * *

"Perfect!" She shouted, wiping the sweat from her forehead as she stood before the deep red tent. She pulled the gloves from her hands and tucked them in her back pocket and after five hours of wearing them, it has a huge relief. The workers dropped their mallets to the ground, taking a break from hammering at the stakes. Footsteps approached from behind her. She tensed a bit, turning to meet the burly man jogging towards her.

"Hey you!" He said, his voice sounding more like a cat call than a greeting.

"I have a name." She said impatiently, rolling her eyes when he just stared at her blankly in his 'so what' manner. "What's up, Jack?" She added, her voice reserved because she hardly found that his issues were important. That was something she had learned over the last three months. He hadn't been with the crew nearly as long as the others and he was often whinny and extremely needy. Also a total asshole and that's if she was being polite.

"We done here? The guys found a good bar down the street and I could use a few drinks and some local women." He grinned.

Her first thought was to scoff at that comment and if he wasn't the only person willing to work with the tigers she would have tossed him from the train well...three months ago. But all things considered, a drink sounded like a great idea and the local women... well, she already knew the type that lived here.

"Yeah everyones finishing up so you guys go ahead." Anything to get the smell of his dirty body, and attitude, away from her as fast as possible. Even the annoyance in her voice wasn't enough to keep him from smirking and giving her a once over before he turned away.

"Unbelievable." She mumbled, pulling her gloves from her pocket and putting them back on her hands.

She walked through the tent to the center, standing beneath the big top and watching as workers continued to pull up streams of fabric to the ceiling. Emeralds and gold, deep hues of blue and purple. It was hard to get used to the beauty and magic of it all. Even after so many years of being beneath this tent the sparkling lights still amazed her.

"Are you going out too?" Peter asked, appearing at her side. She shook her head, shoving her hands into her pockets.

"I don't think so." Hoping a simple answer would be enough to drop the idea from his mind. Of course it couldn't be that easy. It never was.

"You never go out when we stop, Paige. We have the first shows tomorrow then right back on the train for another few days." He said. She kicked her boot into the ground, trying to politely ignore him so he would just stop already. "Your parents wouldn't want you..." She sighed softly, cutting him off with her words almost a breath.

"Yeah, I know they wouldn't but, I know enough about this town to hate it." She said. Peter looked at her sadly.

"Do you ever think about just leaving all of this?" He gestured to their surroundings. "There's so much more out there than this 'family run' business and this crappy town." Her patience was now growing thin. She hated being told what she already knew. She hated that everyone around her could see it so clearly and that they never stopped pointing it out.

"Yea, I have thought about it...more than once actually" She mumbled. "But...I love all of this and you guys are my only family, so.."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and gave her a light squeeze. It was awkward because of his height, the top of her head barely reaching his chin.

"So, why don't you go out there and try to find something good about this place so you can put it to rest." He said.

"With my folks, right?" She quipped, turning her head up to look at him. He frowned in defeat.

"Yeah..." He whispered. "with them." He kissed the top of her head and released her as he turned away. His footsteps fading into the empty space behind her.

She stood for a long time, just watching the bleachers rise and the center ring snap in place around her. Suddenly all she craved was the movement of the ground beneath her feet again, because now the solid ground...didn't feel so solid. It was hard for her to be honest with herself sometimes but she tried. So let's be honest. This was her life. Quite literally a circus. It was more than a hundred years old and had been passed down from father to son. Her uncle had inherited it first and turned it down which passed it to her dad and since she was an only child, the first daughter in several generations, it was now hers. The business had come into their lives at the same time Rosewood began tearing her apart. It provided the perfect escape from this town, and the perfect way to start over. But no matter much distance the tracks put between her and Rosewood...there would always be something calling her back.

She caved after a few minutes, pulling the gloves from her hands again and walking from the tent. Smaller tents had already sprouted up around the grounds displaying signs for food and games. She glanced up at the big top again, her eyes flickering over the 'McCullers Circus' banner that hung across the opening, then she turned to look at Rosewood across the small field. She sighed heavily. Yeah, a drink sounded good. Something strong and preferably in the confines of her sleeping car on the train. Just a few shots while she carefully re-evaluated her life. Typical night. Epitome of calm.

* * *

"I am not wearing those." She laughed. Hanna frowned, dropping the shoes with the four-inch heels to the floor in defeat.

"Em, why are you the only friend I have that protests fashion?"

"Because your idea of fashion is also the definition of torture." She laughed, pulling a pair of boots up over her skinny jeans.

"Suit yourself." Hanna shrugged, plopping down on the edge of the bed with a sigh.

"So how is everyone else?" She asked, walking to her closet and putting a black vest on over her tank top.

"You think I hear from them more than you do? Spencer is in Chicago now for some law intervention..."

"convention?" She corrected

"Yea whatever, so she's there and Aria is somewhere in Europe doing something artsy." She waved her hand dismissively.

She had to love Hanna for her comedic relief. No matter how upset she was or how angry, Hanna could always make her laugh. It was sad that they rarely saw Spencer or Aria, or even heard from them aside from a few phone calls a year. Just one more thing that wasn't holding her to Rosewood. They had left for college after high school, and Hanna had gotten an intern position for a fashion magazine in Philly which she now basically managed. That made her the closest to home and it was easy for them to get together several times a month. She tried to remember what happened to her future. To pinpoint the moment when it had all gone wrong but there were too many moments to count and all of them had played a part in breaking her completely. How much hurt could one person live through before they just became numb to the feeling of pain? Numb to the emptiness until eventually all they could do was walk through life in a mindless routine. That was her life exactly.

An hour and 4 outfit changes later (on Hanna's part.) she threw the passenger door open and stepped out, standing in front of the small bar on the corner, just a few spaces down from The Brew. They always came here when Hanna was in town. It was a small hole in the wall that offered a club like atmosphere and the best appletinis that Hanna preferred. That sugary concoction wasn't quick enough to drown her own life in. A few straight shots and she'd be passed out in the car waking up to the sunlight the next morning. Another reason why this was the best bar in town? Coffee and fatty pastries were only a few feet away.

A bright mixture of ads and flyers rustled in the breeze on the bulletin board near the door. The sky was darkening and a steady beat was already seeping through the brick walls. Hanna locked her arm around her waist and dragged her towards the door, stopping near the bulletin board.

"Oh my God!" She said, ripping a flyer from the wall. Brightly colored in a vintage style. She studied the picture on the front excitedly then handed it to Emily. "I love the circus! We are so going!"

She clasped the flyer in her hand as Hanna disappeared through the door. Her eyes struggling to focus on the picture in the dim light. 'McCullers Circus' scrolled across in bold letters along with bright red and yellow stripes and a giant big top. While the colors were bold and distracting it was the image in the center that was holding her attention. Something familiar about the girl's eyes.

"Are you gonna go?" A voice called behind her. She turned startled, her eyes falling on the same auburn waves and the same warm brown eyes. The way she stood with her hands shoved into her front pockets. The way she smiled slightly as she stepped closer.

"I know you don't I?" Emily asked, still holding the flyer in her hand. The girl wrinkled her eyebrows in thought as she stepped closer.

"Kind of." She smirked, stopping beside her and leaning in close to look at the flyer in her hand. She held her breath as her arm brushed across hers. "I hope you decide to come." She said softly, a light challenge in her voice.

The girl moved past her in the doorway, slipping inside the crowded bar and leaving her standing alone on the sidewalk. She allowed the air to slip from her lungs again she looked down at the picture, then folded it carefully and tucked it into her purse without second thought.

Hanna was sitting at the bar laughing with some blonde girl she recognized from high school. Her appletini was gone and the bartender was replacing it with another. She slid into the empty seat beside her. Sadly the bartender was also placing a shot glass in front of her now. Sad because they came here enough for him to know exactly what she drank. Which was honestly anything strong and lacking sugar. She shot back the first quickly, vodka burning her throat on the way down. Hanna turned to face her as the blonde walked away.

"Is it odd that we've been out of rosewood high for five years and it's still the only thing that girl can talk about?" She shook her head incredulously. "Seriously, it's called a life." She added.

"Ouch." Emily smiled, the alcohol already numbing her mind. It was perfect timing when another shot appeared in front of her. Thankful for the smooth flow of tequila this time.

"I'm not talking about you." Hanna nudged her arm playfully. "Besides, you've been through enough 'life' for a lifetime."

She nodded in agreement. Neither of them could argue that. But why at 23 years old, did it seem like she was doing everything she could _not_ to live? That was rhetorical. She didn't really care for the answer.

She froze in her place as she glanced down the bar. The girl with the auburn waves was leaning over the counter a few stools down, talking to the bartender and smiling. Her deep blue v-neck t-shirt hugged her tightly. A long thin strand of gold hung low around her neck, jingling against the counter with a mixture of small charms. The waitress behind the bar scooted two beers towards her and turned away but she couldn't help but notice the way their fingers grazed each others during the process. It was intentional.

"Han?" She nudged her with her foot, diverting her attention from the new drink in her hand. "She used to go to Rosewood didn't she?" Hanna peered over her shoulder and grinned.

"Oh awesome, Circus girl!" She squealed excitedly. "Damn, I like those boots but I've never been able to pull calf-height that well." She stuck her lower lip out in a pout.

"Hanna!" She said, nudging her again.

"What? Sorry." Hanna laughed, rubbing her leg then studying the girl down the bar again . "Oh, she was on Spencer's field hockey team. Badass!"

Emily looked back at her, but she was already turning away with the beer and falling into a table in the corner with a small group of random looking people. Something stirred in her chest as she watched her smile. Something uncomfortable and completely uncalled for. Luckily the next shot was already waiting for her so that feeling could pass quickly.

"Slow down, Em" Hanna interjected, grabbing the fifth shot from her hand and officially cutting her off.

"Whoa, there! I've done this longer than you. I think I know when to stop without you telling me." Hanna turned to face her straight on, a probing look in her eyes.

"Em, have you ever thought that maybe leaving Rosewood would be good for you?" She sighed. "I mean, there's a reason Aria and Spencer never come here and you went through way more than any of us."

"Yeah, I've thought about it. But I've decided that its easier to stay and accept how things are than it is to start over." She smiled at Hanna proudly.

"Hey, first step is admitting you have a problem so...check one! My job is done!" They both busted into laughter, Hanna almost knocking herself from the chair.

"See Han, this is why I love you! You didn't desert me when my girlfriend was murdered." She laughed.

Hanna's smile faded, humor disappearing from her face even though Emily continued to smile. It was a front and she knew it.

"Em...they didn't..." Hanna started. Emily shook her head to clear it.

"I know..I...I don't even know why I said that..." Typical of her, turning the corner from fun drunk to depressing in a matter of seconds. She had this pattern down pat.

"Em, I just want you to be happy." She mumbled reaching for her arm. She pulled her arm away as her smile faded.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry" She said, the fog from the liquor kept creeping into her line of vision. "I'm just gonna get some air."

She didn't wait for Hanna to object before she stumbled down from the stool, grabbing the fifth shot and knocking it back. People now packed the bar making it difficult for her to work her way towards the door. Half of the people she didn't even recognize which was odd considering she knew pretty much everyone in Rosewood. The guy she passed with a giant snake tattoo down his arm was surely just an alcohol induced illusion, because if not...it was definitely on his list of lifelong regrets.

She sighed as the cool outside air blasted her face. There was no denying what 100 people in such a small space could do to the room's temperature. She closed her eyes, leaning heavily into the brick wall and allowing the breeze to cool her skin. A battle began forming in her mind, making the ground spin beneath her feet. Why was she here? Everyone else had managed to move on except her. Everyone else was happy. Nothing felt real anymore. It hadn't in a long time and there wasn't even a glimmer of anything changing anytime soon. Not if she didn't take the steps necessary to start that change and she couldn't even convince herself that she wanted to. Pressure formed in her temples as anger surfaced. This was also typical of her. Happy, depressed, angry and broken.

"Fuck!" She shouted, kicking over the trash can beside her. Just watching as the garbage flew across the ground... Just like the pieces of her life. She pressed her hands to her temples to silence the screaming in her head.

"You know there are fines for assaulting trash bins." She tensed, looking around for the source of the voice and spotting her sitting on the curb a few feet away. "I should know." She added, a smile tugging at her lips. "I've attacked my fair share."

She released the air from her lungs, feeling the pain in her back as she realized she was digging herself into the wall for support. The brick scratching her skin even through her shirt. Slowly she relaxed, leaning away from the wall and walking forward. A curiosity replaced the anger.

"You used to live here didn't you?" She asked, eyeing her carefully and sitting down on the curb beside her. "Hanna said she recognized you from the field hockey team."

"Hanna? I don't remember that name from the team." She shook her head, looking slightly confused.

"No, she wasn't on the team...Spencer Hastings was though. She's a friend of mine." She clarified, looking away. She could feel her chocolate eyes studying her, and also the blood suddenly draining from her face due to the fact that even with the stillness of her body... everything moved around her. She pushed it from her head, carefully locking her gaze on a large square sign across the street that didn't seem to be moving as fast.

"Yeah, Spencer I remember. That girl was tough, and really good too." she admitted.

"Tough is one word for her." She agreed, letting her eyes leave the sign to look at her.

The girl's chocolate eyes rested softly on her, studying her face still as she took shallow breaths. Emily looked away again quickly as the dizziness moved back in , swaying her body slightly. She didn't want to be examined. Even though she knew she had gotten really good at hiding her feelings she also had suddenly become nauseous from talking.

"Whatever happened that's strained you two, I'm sure it'll be okay." Her voice was light and non-threatening, only making an observation, or a hope. She tensed at how quickly that wound had been discovered by her, hugging herself to cover the bare skin of her arms. Mostly to keep warm but also in an attempt to shield herself from her gaze. Her throat tightened as the air kicked up the girl's scent around her. Sweet and faint and at the moment...all kinds of wrong.

"Are you okay?" Her brow creased, reaching to touch her back. Emily's stomach clenched at the heat of her fingers through her shirt. Her throat tightening more as purple spots clouded her vision. "Emily?" She said, more panic in her voice now.

Something startled her mind as she spoke but she didn't have time to think about it before it was pushed from her mind by the heaving of her stomach. She felt her rub her hand soothingly across her back but it was too late to stop this horrific act.

"Oh, God" she said, leaning over the curb and emptying the contents of her stomach painfully.

The girl's hands moved up instantly, pulling her hair back from her face and holding it gently behind her head. What a great way to meet someone new. 'Nice to meet you, and sorry for possibly throwing up on your super cute boots. It's dark outside and that makes it hard to aim properly so... No hard feelings. I hope we can be friends.' The stabbing pain in her stomach dulled as she tried to focus solely on the fingers in her hair.

* * *

"Okay if you guys are going to insist on raunchy humor, I'm going back." she threatened, taking the last drink of her beer and slamming the bottle down.

"Oh come on McCullers, you're weak." Peter laughed, slugging Jack in the arm while the others jeered.

"No, I just have fine taste and you guys..." she gestured with her finger between them. "Don't." She stood to her feet and squeezed between their chairs and the wall. The beer had put a serious damper in her abilities to dish out a good come-back, and that signaled the end of the night for her.

"Weak!" They shouted behind her as she made her way around the tight chairs.

A hand shot up and grabbed her at the highest crease of her thigh stopping her in her tracks. His fingers grazing against an area where he didn't belong. Instincts kicked in as she turned, grabbing onto Jack's arm and bending it back just enough that he would now be praying it didn't break off completely. He froze instantly, and that was the smart choice for him to make. It didn't appear that anyone else noticed judging from the song they were now singing in unison, so she kept her voice quiet because her condescending humor was still intact.

"Hun, If you touch me again I'll make sure you wish that the tigers had been responsible for your missing limb." She smiled and released his arm. "And I'm not talking about your arm." Her eyes flickered over to Peter who just winked. She was the last person in this group to need protection and last one to mess with when angry. She may be a lot of things but weak wasn't one of them. Resilient was better.

She glanced over at the bar as she pushed through the door with her back. Smiling as she saw Emily nearly laughing herself from the stool.

It hadn't taken more than two beers to make her stumble slightly on the sidewalk, dropping down on the curb to slow the slight rotation of the ground. Most of that was due to the fact that she had a few shots back on the train before she had worked up the courage to come here at all. Peter was right, coming here was a good thing, maybe not at first but she felt better about it now. Like she was conquering a demon that had evaded her for the last seven years. Finally being here made it seem like a silly childish fear and nothing like the monster she had expected.

She had to stop for a moment and appreciate just how much she had changed since she had last been here. She wasn't that scared and angry little girl anymore. When they had first left Rosewood, there was a long period of time when she was angrier than before they left. Just a teenager dealing with being uprooted and pulled away from everything she had known, even though she desperately wanted that change. But then days came when she wasn't as angry and when she finally began to see what a gift her folks had given her. The happiness came, along with the peace and she soon found it easy to forget about Rosewood and all the things that tormented her there. Well, not too many things. Mainly a blonde haired girl with a heart-shaped face, but even she hadn't been her biggest fear then and she surely wasn't now. Of course it would be her luck to have to deal with pain again at some point, and she had. It seemed to follow her every step and all she wanted... was a break from the vicious cycle.

The door of the bar squeaked open, snapping her from her thoughts as Emily appeared behind her. The smile she had seen on her face just moments ago was now gone as she leaned into the brick wall. Eyes closed and breath steady. It's a confusing sight to see someone so beautiful look so sad. Like a fallen angel in the moonlight the way she was broken and crumbled against the cold stone. She couldn't blame all of her fears on the blonde girl because in all honesty most of them rested in the hands of the girl who now stood before her. But even those fears didn't seem to affect her the same way as they had before. She had grown up and changed and experienced a different life that was far from this town, and far from Emily fields. None of it could touch her now.

* * *

"You don't have to do this." Emily slurred as she helped her from the sidewalk. She locked her arm around her waist, steadying her as her legs wobbled beneath her body.

"Uh, yes I do. You're drunk and I offered. No big deal." She said letting Emily lean into her for support as they walked down the sidewalk. "But just don't breathe on me because I'm not a vodka person and it seems that you are." She added.

"No, I'm a "anything strong" kind of person." Emily mumbled.

They walked in silence down the dark sidewalk for a few minutes. Every few steps Emily would groan beside her in discomfort from the movement. Her thoughts were focused on Emily's words still and her own stomach churned because of them. She spoke like this was a regular occurence for her and that was a hard thought to accept. There was nothing right about why this girl would feel so lost that she had to routinely drown herself in order to stay lost. It was heart wrenching and wrong but she knew it was also none of her business and for some reason...that made it hurt more.

Emily held on tightly to her waist while she focused on deliberate steps and tried her best to ignore the heat of Emily's hands through the thin fabric of her shirt. That was proving to be difficult and was magnified from her own intoxication. She picked up her pace the best that she could manage without throwing Emily off-balance. Clenching her jaw to ignore the stirring in her chest just from the touch.

They came to a stop on the sidewalk in front of the large gray house and she immediately stepped out of Emily's grasp, taking a deep breath at the gap between them. Emily looked around confused, studying her surroundings like she had never been here before and only making her do a double take at the house herself and wonder if she had the address right.

"How did you know where I live?" Emily asked.

She stared at her blankly for a moment, straining for the right way to reply. Such an obvious answer already in her mind though there was no chance of her sharing it.

"Um, this town isn't that big." She smiled. "I used to live here, remember?"

Emily nodded, accepting that as a possible explanation quickly and only because her body was fiercely protesting her upright position at this point. She groaned lightly again, moving towards the front door, her foot catching on a crack in the sidewalk and sending her stumbling forward. She wrapped her arms around Emily's waist again trying her best to steady her. The amount of alcohol in her own body made it difficult but she managed.

"Okay, I'm walking you to the door." She added, again letting Emily lean into her as they climbed the steps on the front porch, her jaw returning to its clenched position.

"Thanks." Emily mumbled. "And I'm sorry. You don't even know me and now you're taking care of me because I can't seem to do it myself." Her voice was sarcastic and full of a loathing for herself. She swallowed hard before replying. It wasn't easy hearing so much pain and self hate in her voice.

"No...I..its fine, really." She said. There was too much going through her mind now to manage anything else.

Emily pulled her keys from her pocket and threw the door open. She stepped inside with Emily before she released her arm from around her waist. Her hands shoved into her pockets as Emily let go, locking her feet in place in the doorway.

"Uh, I better go." She said, smilingly lightly at her. Her job was done now. Emily was home safe and that was all she could do. She turned on her heels and stepped back outside, instantly relishing the cold air against her skin that suddenly felt a little too warm. Her head was spinning as the alcohol began to wear her down around the edges.

"You're Paige, right?" Emily called behind her.

She turned to see her leaning against the door frame, a soft expression on her face and a worn look in her eyes.

"Yeah." She smiled lightly. Emily sighed lightly, this time it was her turn to study Paige's eyes.

"You said my name earlier." she noted watching as her eyes softened.

"I don't forget certain names." Paige smiled then turned and headed away into the darkness.

Her heart didn't slow the entire walk back to the fair grounds. She hoped that the breeze would bring down the temperature of her skin but it didn't. Instead it felt like the alcohol was fire burning through her bloodstream and threatening to bring her crashing to the cold ground. Even the thought of that brought some relief because the burn was overpowering and at least if she fell she would have solid proof that the ground wasn't really moving beneath her feet. It had to be the alcohol because no other reason made sense or mattered enough to change anything.

* * *

Something kept her in the doorway for much longer than she cared to admit. Leaning into the door frame long after Paige's shadow had disappeared into the night. The cool air made her shiver enough to finally close the door. Well, that and the rolling of her stomach. The stairs proved difficult without someone to lean into and the walls of the hallway seemed to shift and close in on her like the moving tunnel of a carnival fun house. Dizzying and surreal. She dropped her bag on the dresser and reached inside, pulling out the folded flyer and studying the girl on the front. Paige McCullers.

She remembered her now. Even though time had lengthened her auburn hair from her shoulders to rest across her chest, she still had the same deep eyes and creamy skin. A soft rosy color to her cheeks. She hadn't really known her, she just knew of her. She felt touched by how this girl who didn't know her would take time to walk her home on a Friday night. Several reasons for that crept into her mind but she decided upon the most simple. Paige was a nice person and was just doing the decent thing. The more she thought about it the worse she felt for possibly throwing up on her boots.

The spinning of the room around her increased, forcing her to take solace in the stillness of the bed without removing her clothes or shoes. She dropped to down, pulling the quilt over her head and closing her eyes.

A soft scent tickled her nose, making her eyes shoot open again. She pressed the lavender fabric to her nose, searching for the origin, but it held nothing. She twisted her fingers into the front of her shirt, bringing it to her nose, shivering from the foreign scent that clung to her body. Faint and sweet. Her eyes closed, still clutching her shirt over her nose as she fell asleep.

* * *

_**Say When- The Fray (I do not own these lyrics ((but i wish i did...seriously)) )**_

_**I see you there, don't know where you come from**_  
_**Unaware the stare from someone **_  
_**Don't appear to care that I saw ya. And I want you**_  
_**What's your name**_  
_**Cuz' I have to know it**_  
_**You let me in and begin to show it**_  
_**We're terrified 'cuz we're heading straight for it, might get it.**_

_**You're in the song playing on the background**_  
_**All alone but you're turning up now **_  
_**And everyone is rising to meet you, to greet you**_  
_**Turn around and you're walking toward me**_  
_**I'm breaking down and you're breathing slowly**_  
_**Say the word and I will be your man, your man**_

_**Say when**_  
_**And my own two hands will comfort you**_  
_**Tonight, tonight**_  
_**Say when**_  
_**And my own two arms will carry you**_  
_**Tonight, tonight**_

_**Come close and then even closer**_  
_**We bring it in but we go no further**_  
_**We're seperate.**_  
_**Two ghosts in one mirror, no nearer**_  
_**Later on if it turns to chaos, hurricane coming all around us**_  
_**See the crack, pull it back from the window, you stay low**_

_**Come across you lost and broken**_  
_**You're coming to but you're slow in waking **_  
_**You start to shake.**_  
_**You still haven't spoken, what happened**_  
_**They're coming back and you just dont know when**_  
_**You want to cry but there's nothing comin'**_  
_**They're gonna push until you give in, say when**_

_**Now we're here and it turns to chaos**_  
_**Hurricane coming all around us **_  
_**Double crack throws you back from the window, you stay low**_

_**It all began with the man and country**_  
_**Every plan sends another century around again**_  
_**Another nation fallen**_

_**Maybe god can be on both sides**_  
_**Of the gun never understood why **_  
_**Some of us never get it so good, so good**_  
_**Some of this was here before us**_  
_**All of this will go after us **_  
_**Never stops until we give in, give in**_

_**Say when**_  
_**And my own two hands will comfort you**_  
_**Tonight, tonight**_


	2. Chapter 2

**WOW! I am overwhelmed by the love that everyone has shown Red Velvet chapter 1! No pressure at all! Thank you for the amazing reviews and for letting me know how much it is being enjoyed an anticipated. I hope I can continue to deliver a great story. I am very passionate about it and it means so much to me that you all are to!**

* * *

The blaring of the alarm clock reached her ears making her stomach jump uncomfortably. Her arm reached from under the quilt without opening her eyes, feeling its way across her nightstand and knocking down everything in the process. The crashing sound against the floor was painful so finally she gave up, pulling the quilt from over her head and squinting at the bright sun glowing across the yellow walls. She leaned over the edge of the bed and managed to slap the button on the clock that now rested on the floor. At least the red numbers were clear and appeared to be stationary. Judging by the pounding in her head, that was a significant difference from the night before.

She shifted herself out of bed and walked to the bathroom, still fogged by sleep as she stumbled. Flipping the switch on the wall she focused on making sure her eyes stayed carefully away from the mirror, learning long ago to ignore the obvious signs of her train wreck of a life. Ignorance was truly bliss in this case. She pulled her shirt over her head as the shower heated up, a scent filling her nose and forcing her thoughts to one clear picture. The image of brown eyes and a knowing smile. The feeling of brushed heat against her skin. She shivered, letting the shirt fall reluctantly to the floor as she stepped out of the rest of her clothing and into the shower. Her mind felt more muddled than it had before with the new pictures of auburn curls floating through. They made her breath stagger and she relied heavily on the hot water to clear the haze and make the fluttering in her nerves disappear.

By the time the water ran cold and she had wrapped herself in a towel she felt at ease again. An exception being made for the slight weakness in her stomach and the pressure in her head. Those were both alcohol induced and could be cured with light self-medicating and some coffee. It was just after 8am and she was needed at the stables by 9 so she dressed quickly, settling on her regular tight jeans, high boots and a deep purple tank. She topped it off with a long-sleeve plaid button-up and pulled her damp hair into a sloppy pony-tail, grabbing her purse from the dresser and carefully avoiding the piece of paper that stuck out slightly from inside. A sickly moan sounded behind her, making her jump and slam her back into the dresser as she turned.

"Damnit!" She yelled, her eyes zeroing in on the movement on the window bench. Hanna appeared from under a blanket with her hair plastered to her face. Hanna was great for comedic relief, even if sometimes it was completely unintentional.

"Wow Han, rough night?" She smiled. Hanna groaned and sat up.

"Not too bad." She smiled weakly. It was a hard to ever really put a damper on her optimism and that was because it was always heavily laced with sarcasm. "After you left with circus girl I had to deal with psychotic highschool-drama girl for another two hours and four Appletinis _and_ call a cab! So thank you." She quipped.

"You would have called a cab with or without me." She pointed out. "Besides, wasn't it you that left me passed out in the car last time while you came back here and fell asleep in my bed?" She smiled and turned to the door. An escape from prying eyes was necessary but it could never be that easy.

"What? I was tired and you looked comfortable. Do you know what my hair would look like if I slept in the car?" She stressed. Her face saying that she needn't say more because her reasons were obvious.

"I'm assuming no better than it looks right now." She shot back, earning a well deserved frown from Hanna. "Listen, I've gotta get to work but stop by later." Hanna smiled again now, excitement appearing on her face.

"Definitely, because we are going to that circus!" She had a flicker to her eyes that meant she was testing the waters, unnecessarily so. Emily sighed and gave her an impatient stare over her shoulder as she moved through the doorway.

"So...about circus girl..." Hanna called, her smile widening as she began her erratic assumptions. She would have to 'assume' all on her own.

"Bye Hanna!" She called as she reached the stairs.

She didn't feel like dealing with her over-analyzing of small details that she was so unsure of herself. Small details like the way Paige smiled at her and how she held onto her as she walked her home. Small details like Paige's fingers through her hair or the way she knew her name so quickly. Such small irrelevant things that were only distracting her from where her focus needed to be. A glimmer of hope that would only send her tumbling to the ground when it disappeared. She had other things to worry about right now. Like finding away to say goodbye to the only thing that had been a constant in her life for the last three years.

* * *

A tap sounded lightly at her door, moving her body into a panic as she reached quickly for the clock on the bedside table. It was 9 am. The knock sounded again making her groan.

"You're thirty minutes early Peter! I have an alarm clock, I don't need you!" She buried her face into her pillow. It helped considerably with the pain in her head and protected her sensitive eyes from the light streaming through the small window.

"Just checking." He called. "It sounded like you had a long night." His voice was full of sarcasm and sadly she knew why. She didn't reply though, instead she waited until she heard the open and close of the car door signal his departure before she breathed again.

She did have a long night and she didn't want to remember it. At least not all of it. After she had left Emily she had come back and locked herself in her room with a bottle of whiskey from the common's bar. She had blasted songs of heartbreak and angst through the entire speaker system on the train and drowned her self until she couldn't remember a certain name, let alone her own name. She had ignored the annoyed pounding on her door and the protests to shut the music off. Eventually, sometime after midnight and thankfully around the same time she had forgotten her name, the music had died. Probably at the hands of one of the workers who had managed to unwire the audio system completely. She wasn't proud of it but she felt better afterwards. Until now of course. The rolling of her stomach told her it had been a mistake and that she would be paying the price for her recklessness all day.

After a quick shower she slipped into a pair of tight black pants and a white long-sleeved button up. She pulled the tall brown boots over her feet and zipped them up the length of her calf then turned to the mirror. Her hair had already begun to dry, forming the soft ringlets over her shoulders and the only evidence of her long night was in the slight smear of eyeliner under her eyes. She wiped it away quickly and replaced it with a new steady line of rich brown then added a clear gloss to her lips. Makeup wasn't her thing and even this small amount was for show only. She pushed through the door and into the hallway, leaving the red velvet behind along with the black satin top hat. She didn't need them just yet because right now... she had work to do.

Kicking the foot lock she pushed the side door open and was greeted with the warm morning air. The sun was just peeking up above the tree line and fading the last bits of sunset pink from the sky. People bustled by in every direction, heading to and from the cluster of tents a few hundred yards away. Mostly workers and the venders to the concession stands. Everyone else would be under the Big Top right now practicing and getting everything in place. She jumped down from the platform and closed the hatch behind her, beginning the walk over to the main grounds. Peter caught up with her halfway there and for a moment she felt bad for not slowing her pace for him. And then he decided to open is mouth and speak.

"So, you had a good night?" He chimed. She could feel the smirk on his face without even looking at him and it pissed her off.

"Yeah, it was great actually." She started. He must have caught on to the sarcasm in her voice because he fell back several steps behind her, as a precaution. "The part where you told me to go out and put this town behind me, and the part where I almost broke Jack's arm for grabbing my.."

"Whoa Paige." Her interrupted. This made her stop and turn on him faster than he was expecting, judging by the look on his face.

"Oh no! I'm not done." She pointed her finger up at him. It would have been more intimidating if it weren't for the fact that he was twice her size. "How about the part where I ran into one of my reasons for leaving this town in the first place? And the part where I realized that her life is fucked up? Or when I forced myself not to care because there's nothing I can do about it? And you were present for my middle of the night breakdown featuring whiskey and The Righteous Brothers, right?" She took a deep breath as he stood speechless in front of her. She could feel the stinging behind her eyes as her emotions got the best of her. He stepped closer.

"Paige.." he said softly, reaching for her. She brushed his hand away and stepped back automatically.

"I'm fine, okay?" She wiped her cheek automatically, checking for moisture that may have fallen but coming up empty. She turned away to continue her trek to the tent, calling over her shoulder as she walked away. "Can we just get this over with so we can leave please?"

It's hard sometimes, telling one emotion from another. It's so easy to get love confused with fear and anger confused with sadness. Sometimes you feel them so deeply that the lines seem blurry and crossed when in reality there is such a fine line between them. You forget they almost always surface together.

She wasn't angry with Peter, even though she had just about given him a heart attack. He was the closest thing to family she had and she loved him. She wasn't angry about being here either, she was sad. Sad because she had given up and run away and missed out on so many chances. She felt hopeless from losing time that she could never get back. All of those things brought forth different emotions. All of them made her angry enough to scream.

Suddenly the ground began spinning from the thoughts in her mind. The heavy amount of confusion. She wanted to say goodbye to this place and never look back again. Yet last night a tiny part of her, if only for a moment, wanted to stay. It shook her to the core and ripped the air from her chest because it terrified her. There was no doubt in her mind now that she wanted to leave but for that split second, somewhere between 'Mad World' and 'Iris', she was certain there was no way she could leave again. Her stomach churned uneasily as the aftermath of the night before began to surface. She staggered slightly, nearly tripping over an extension cord on the ground. Ready to accept the failure of her legs beneath her. Who would care anyways? She had been so close to this moment before and there was no chance of it surprising anyone around her. It was expected...even though it was unearned. What gave her the right to fall when Emily had clearly been through much worse?

Strong arms wrapped around her waist and steadied her carefully.

"Paige, you should go back and lay down for a few more hours." Peter said

"No, I'm okay." She shook her head.

"Paige." He said firmly. "It's my fault, okay? I told you to go out and try to have fun..." She shook her head again to stop him.

"No, you were right. I needed to put this town to rest and I have. Now I just want to leave." She insisted. The sad look in his eyes didn't fade with her reassurance, so she smiled weakly. "The whiskey though...I blame on you because that shit is disgusting and I know I didn't buy it." He smiled then.

"You don't like vodka either so what do you like?" She smiled and began stepping backwards.

"I never told _you_ that I didn't like vodka." She smirked. "But right now I'd like coffee, do you need anything?" He shook his head.

"No I'm good. Don't get lost!"

She rolled her eyes as she turned and walked down the gravel road into town. Her feelings were so mixed and the alcohol still seemed to be playing a small part in that judging by the way the trees along the road were a little hazy around the edges. Everything became clearer by the time she reached The Brew. The smell of coffee and fresh pastries seemed to help.

* * *

The smell of dirt and hay filled her nose as the door swung shut behind her. The stables were empty...of people at least, and that was normal. There were several buildings on the grounds and this one was hers to look after. She inched forward towards a stall on her left, keeping her eyes cast to the ground as she opened the gate and closed it carefully behind her. She stayed there with her back to him for a few minutes as she tried to steady her breathing and the stinging behind her eyes.

Finally she turned when he nudged her shoulder lightly. Her eyes falling sadly on his deep eyes and the dark silk of his body. She could just make out the flecks of red in his hair in the fake lighting, but in the sun...he was midnight and flame. His name was Kaine but she had little respect for a name given by owners that had abandoned him. The way he burned in the daylight reminded her of smouldering embers, and she always thought of him by that name instead. Ember. She kept her hands pressed tightly between her back and the gate, unable to bring herself to touch him.

Horses are extremely empathetic creatures. They have ways of healing the soul just by being close and an undying compassion caused by their inability to judge and hate. Such a far cry from people. The way they can replace an emptiness just from always being there when you need them. They won't let you down or break your heart, or leave you to pick up the pieces of your life for years after the fall. They stay. It's people who leave and people who take things away leaving you broken. It was people and their careless decisions that would be taking him away from her now.

She gasped as the pain cut through her chest. Her lungs caving in and forcing her to the ground and tears from her eyes. A sob caught in her throat painfully, making it hard for her to breathe as she sat crumpled against the straw covered floor. She let her head fall to her knees in defeat. Would there ever come a day that she could truly be happy again without the fear of losing it? When was it enough? She was young and healthy but her life had ended before it had even begun. She couldn't even remember what it felt like to really smile or laugh on her own and the only times she came close was when she was when she was with him.

He stamped his foot into the ground, after a good twenty minutes of waiting on her to calm herself. She couldn't look at him. She wanted to but it would only hurt more and how much could she really take before she became broken beyond repair. She was so close to that point already. So close to hitting rock bottom and never being able to pull herself up. She needed to move before she couldn't anymore. She stood quickly and left the stall, letting the gate slam behind her and a breath escape her lungs again. She had the whole day to get through and she would be useless if she didn't pull herself together.

* * *

"Hey! Circus girl!" A voice called behind her. She grabbed her coffee from the counter and turned around to see the perky blonde juggling two cups of her own. Judging by the grin on her face...she didn't need two.

"Paige." She corrected, smiling as she adjusted the lid on her own cup, a reservation in her voice as she eyed her. "You're...Hanna right?"

"Yeah." She replied. "So listen, thanks for walking Emily home last night."

"Yeah, of course." She smiled. "No problem." Hanna nodded awkwardly.

"She gets restless when she drinks and sometimes its hard to keep tabs on her."

She felt her skin crawl at the careless tone in Hanna's voice and her body tensed. Anger seemed to be boiling just under the surface today, keeping her on edge.

"It shouldn't be that hard." Paige retorted, raising her eyebrows as she took a drink of her coffee. It was too sweet.

Hanna's smile faded a bit and her eyes squinted like she was looking for something in particular. Making sure that she wasn't missing the quick change in tone. It was clear that she wasn't missing anything. Paige cocked her head slightly under the scrutiny.

"What's wrong Hanna?" She asked flatly, not that she cared for her answer. Hanna's eyes sharpened.

"Emily is my best friend and she's been through a lot. I just want you to know that she doesn't need anyone using her and then skipping town." Hanna's voice was much firmer now.

"No, you're right." She agreed. "She doesn't need that. She also doesn't need anyone enabling what I saw last night." There was more edge to her voice than she intended but the look on Hanna's face told her that the point had been made. Her eyes softened before she continued and only because her thoughts had moved back to Emily. "I really hope everything works out for her."

She walked around Hanna and pushed through the door. She couldn't wait to leave this town. All of their white picket fences and their backward ways of logic. Of course it would be seen as shady to walk a drunk girl home on a Friday night. And especially incriminating to leave immediately after she was safe inside. So much worse than the alternative of leaving her on the street in a pile of vomit. In retrospect the issue should lie with the one who was encouraging her behavior, not the one trying to protect her from it. Backwards logic. And again, none of her business anymore.

She tossed her coffee cup into the trash can near the tent, half empty due to an excess amount of sugar. She was such a hypocrite. At least Emily didn't drink alone in her bedroom. At least she had someone.

* * *

"Awwe...He's cute!" Hanna said, leaning over the stall gate.

She picked up a bucket of feed and rolled her eyes because every time he inched towards Hanna she would scream and jump back. At least she was looking at him. She hadn't been able to bring herself to walk by him all morning. Focusing all of her time and energy on every stall but his until finally it was the only one remaining. Her throat tightened as she carried the bucket to the gate, taking a deep breath and throwing it open. She dumped the food in his bowl then turned to look at him. Instantly her hands dropped the bucket and found themselves running up his nose and across his jaw then numbly into his mane. An instinct that she couldn't fight and a dire need that was time sensitive.

"Em, what's wrong?" Hanna asked, stepping freely inside stall. She wiped her eye on the sleeve of her shirt and laughed it off lightly.

"Nothing." She sighed, picking up the empty bucket and edging around Hanna. She had to get out of here and she was done for the day so anywhere but here would be perfect.

"Em, I know we don't talk a lot when I come visit and I'm sorry. But you _can_ talk to me."

"There's really nothing to talk about. I'm fine." She gave her a reassuring smile then did the only thing she knew how to do. "So, I'm done here. Do you still want to go to that circus?" She changed the subject. Hanna didn't seem to buy any of it but she humored her anyway. She didn't have a choice. Poor girl had learned long ago not to press certain issues and she was always grateful for that.

Her stomach became uneasy on the drive back to her house. She pulled the circus flyer from her purse and unfolded it. A flutter forming in her chest as she stared at the picture. She moved it closer to her face to read the small print on the bottom.

"We missed the 3 o'clock show but there's another one at 6." She stated. Hanna scoffed in the driver's seat. She set the paper down in confusion and turned to her. "I thought you wanted to go?" She pressed. Hanna shifted uncomfortably in her seat, ignoring her intentionally. "Han, what's wrong?"

"Am I a bad friend?" Hanna asked, a frenzy in her voice.

"What? No! Why would you ask me that?" Emily's confusion increased. Hanna looked away sheepishly as she pulled into the driveway and put the car in park.

"I ran into circus girl this morning at The Brew..."

"Paige." She corrected automatically. She felt the flutter quicken as the name left her lips but she looked at Hanna, waiting for her to continue.

"Whatever. Anyways, I may have insinuated that she had the wrong intentions for taking you home."

She stared at her blankly. It took a moment but...her heart dropped when she realized what Hanna meant by 'intentions'. She didn't even have the words to reply or a way to hide the flush from her cheeks and the shock from her mind. Instead she threw open the door and climbed out storming to the front porch. Her skin was burning and each step weakened her knees. Hanna was right on her heels.

"Emily!"

She stopped abruptly and whipped around to face her.

"You're not a bad friend Hanna! Is that what you need to hear?" She snapped. "I'm not going to get drunk and sleep with the first girl I meet! And so what if I did? So what if I thought about it? She walked me home, Hanna. She said goodnight at my door. I don't need you protecting me!" Hanna's face reddened as she stepped forward.

"Actually you do! Because I have been a horrible friend. I've been here just watching you give up and even joining in the process!" Hanna took a deep breath to calm her voice. "I want you to be happy Em, and you're not."

"I know I'm not happy Hanna, I don't need you to tell me that. But it's not up to you to fix things for me. I just need you to be here for me."

"Em, I'm trying to be here for you but I haven't been doing a very good job."

She looked to the ground, letting her eyes fall closed for a moment as she forced a deep breath. Her words were hardly a whisper. She knew a lot about how messed up she had become, she even accepted it all freely. She knew a lot about pain and loss. Pain from years ago that honestly didn't even hurt so much anymore. She had just gotten so used to the feelingof it. So far away from feeling anything good that over time she had lost the desire to even try or want. But she wanted the knowledge that only Hanna had at the moment.

"What did she say?"

Hanna sighed heavily and stepped closer. "She called me out and I deserved it. She was angry and concerned and she's right. I shouldn't be aiding any of this."

A warmth moved through her veins as the flutter increased in her stomach. She focused carefully on steady the pounding in her chest and the trembling that appeared in her fingertips. It was amazing how quickly anger could dissolve. Paige had given a second thought to her and that was amazing by itself. Especially after her drunk behavior and the kicking of trash cans. It was even more amazing that she voiced her thoughts to Hanna. But now she felt embarrassed and stupid for always being so reckless and for taking things out on Hanna that were her own fault.

"I've gotten really good at hurting myself without any help from you. You're a great friend and the only one that's been here for me. But...you don't need to protect me from anyone because I'm pretty good at screwing things up on my own."

Hanna closed the gap and wrapped her arms around her, hugging her close. She squeezed her tightly and rested her chin on her shoulder, wanting to make things as close to right as she could manage at the moment.

"So, the 6 o'clock show then?" She asked.

Hanna laughed and pulled away. She was the biggest kid sometimes. Her heart was always in the right place and she was always there for her. In fact, she couldn't remember an instance when Hanna had ever let her down. She was the one letting Hanna down, and herself. She knew it was true and had no problems saying it out loud but, it didn't mean she knew how to change it or if she even could at this point. Part of her wanted to spare Hanna. To tell her to leave and stop visiting. To stop wasting her time by coming here and being a friend when she was incapable of being a friend back. To be the one to protect Hanna by allowing her to move on with her life. She deserved better then the mess Emily had made of herself.

The air was warm and dusty as they pulled into the parking lot and climbed from the car. Large canvas tents of every color were scattered across the grounds and kids ran screaming and giggling around their parent's feet. A heavy scent of fried food and sugar filled the air. She stopped by the hood, leaning into metal. The heat felt good against the back of her knees as a cool breeze brushed across her skin.

She hadn't known what to wear to this kind of thing. The only clothing she imagined when she thought of the circus was circa 1930's, and she didn't have much to chose from. So, she settled on a thin strapped sundress in a light coral made of eyelet lace and a pair of white ballet flats that Hanna had let her borrow last year. Her hair stayed simple, falling in waves over her shoulders.

"This is so awesome!" Hanna grinned, leaning on the hood beside her. She nodded in agreement.

It was breathtaking. The colors and the music. The warm sugar and the sound of animals calling. It was exotic and exciting and all of the sudden, she felt terrified. She was obviously going to see Paige. She was on the flyer so she must have a part in the show. All she could think about were the blurry images of the previous night. The brush of her arm outside the bar and the smile on her face as she talked to the waitress behind the counter. The horrific crime she had committed against her boots and the way her fingers slid lightly into her hair. She had made a complete ass out of herself not to mention Hanna had attacked her. Maybe this was another bad idea.

* * *

"Alright people let's go!" She shouted, clapping her hands together, breaking apart the circle of their routine pep-talk. Peter ran up beside her as everyone scattered in different directions behind the curtains. Some clowns managed to trip over a pile of crates. She cringed but they all laughed and began their usual habit of prancing around and pushing each other over again.

"Come on guys, go! God, do you ever stop messing around? It's a job not a lifestyle and you're all expendable!" She snapped.

"Paige! Hey, take a break for a minute. You've been nonstop for the last six hours." Peter was always telling her to cool it when they both knew there was plenty of work to do.

"Listen, if you want my job then you're gonna have to do better than that." She began working her way through the maze of fabric as he followed behind, multitasking by taking head counts behind each curtain and jotting down numbers on a clipboard. "Besides I'll sit down and relax when we're back on the train in the morning. Until then I have too much to do."

"It's a job not a lifestyle, Paige." He retorted.

She froze looking down at the chart in her hand and frowning, studying it for a moment. "On second thought," she said, slapping the clipboard into his hand. "You can find Mary and make sure she has a bra on. There are children here." She smiled and pushed past him through the back of the tent. That was one job she didn't want to do.

The cool air brushed across her cheek, blowing her hair from her neck. She sat on top of a large bale of hay beside a tall stack of wooden crates. She was shielded by them, in a small area that was enclosed for breaks from working, but she could still hear the excited bustle of people walking just on the other side.

She grabbed a bottle of water from a cooler laying on the ground beside her. She hadn't stopped to breathe all day and the night before was still causing a pressure in her head. The cold water ran down her throat, soothing a dryness she hadn't even noticed before now. She barely had time to enjoy it before a sound sent her into a coughing fit and she began choking on the liquid. So much for it being a refreshing experience. She froze in her place, listening for the sound again.

She didn't know how she had managed to pick it out of the crowd the first time but again, there it was. A laugh. Light and happy and it was moving closer. She smiled to herself when she heard it. It was a far cry from the sadness she had heard the night before and she couldn't help but be happy just from getting to experience it. Even if it wasn't meant for her. A static sound came from a radio clipped to her waist. Reaching for it she held in the talk button and waited for the silence.

"Ten minutes until call." She said, placing the lid back on the water bottle and moving silently back into the tent, Emily's laugh faded behind her.

* * *

"So what does cirus girl do? Trapeze or maybe a tiger trainer?" Hanna was nearly bouncing in the seat beside her.

"I don't know Hanna." She said impatiently. Her eyes were too busy darting around at everyone that passed by. She didn't know what Paige's role was in all if this, in fact she couldn't remember if she had even asked. The night was fuzzy and all she knew iwas that she probably owed her a new pair of boots and cab fare for walking her home. She wanted to see her but a bigger part of her didn't want to be seen. All she had was the tingling in her skin and the memory of the scent on her shirt.

"You don't think she's a clown do you? Because she didn't seem very funny this morning and I already don't like clowns." Hanna sighed. She shook her head and was beyond replying to a word Hanna said at this point.

The lights dropped down suddenly and Hanna squeaked beside her. A low hum sounded through the speakers and the crowd whispered excitedly. She looked up to see the deep red of the tent dimly lit by tiny strands of sparkling lights. It was beautiful and magical and ended quickly as a voice sounded over the speakers, sending chills down her spine in the darkness. Her breath stopped and she was positive her heart did too.

"Oh my God, you've got to be kidding me!" Hanna said, loud enough to elicit some ugly looks from the married couple in front of her. She stared them down until they turned back around in their seats. The voice was familiar and as the spotlight appeared on the center ring Hanna spit her drink back into her cup and because it was through a straw...it was unsuccessful. The woman in front of her barely escaped. She nudged Emily's arm but it didn't phase her. She had lost all train of thought the moment she heard that voice in the darkness and now that she saw Paige...she new she might never be able to think straight again. No pun intended...unless its what you prefer.

Hanna was silent beside her. Her mouth hanging half-open for a moment before she turned to whisper.

"Okay now I feel like a bitch." She breathed. "Why couldn't she walk me home?"

Emily managed a weak nod in agreement. "Yeah Han, you officially suck as a friend." She whispered.

Her eyes glided slowly over Paige's body as she moved through the streams of spotlight. She was saying something but all she could hear was a loud ringing in her ears.

"Em, if I liked girls..." Hanna started.

"Shhhhh." Emily whispered, halfheartedly nudging her. She could see the deepness of her brown eyes from here, and the red tint to her long waves. She sighed as she noticed the familiar brown boots that ran up the length of her calves. Black pants clung tightly to her legs but that's not where her focus was. It was on the crushed red velvet jacket with gold buttons and the black satin top hat that rested on her head.

"Shit..." She breathed.

The woman from the couple in front of them turned around to glare again. Hanna was on it immediately.

"What?" She snapped throwing her hand in Paige's direction. "Your husband is staring at her too. Glare at him!" The woman turned around reluctantly and left Hanna just shaking her head at nothing.

Her knuckles were white as she gripped the edge of her seat, finally relaxing as the lights shifted into colors. She wiped the sweat from her palms on her dress and watched as Paige backed out of the ring towards her, leaving a cluster of acrobats that were beginning their climb up a rope ladder and a parade of characters filling out through a curtain.

Paige walked back to the curtain in the corner near the exit and grabbed a clip board and a bottle of water. A tall man walked up behind her and whispered in her ear. Even in the darkness she could see the smirk on her face as she whispered back. Her eyes never left the clipboard except to glance above once at the performers now swinging overhead. And while watching Paige, she realized that she had never felt so wrong about what she was feeling.

There were many parts Paige could have played in this circus but for some reason...Ring Master was the only one that hadn't crossed her mind. And now it all suddenly made sense. Like a spotlight coming up on her mind. Her charming personality and her friendly eyes. Her job was to entertain and please people, but that didn't mean Paige really cared about her. She was just a potential customer and now she felt stupid for the flutter that still refused to disappear from her stomach. Even with her thoughts being clear, the butterflies lingered. And the more she sat here watching her, the greater the chance of her falling apart.

"I'm gonna go get something to drink." She said, leaving Hanna behind to watch with the rest of the spectators. Suddenly the tent was too stuffy for breathing to come easy.

Unfortunately there was only one way out and that meant walking by the person she wanted to avoid most. Even though she tried she couldn't keep herself from walking by without looking at her and doing that only resulted in the complete closure of her airway. Because she was met with the warm eyes that were watching her intently as she moved.

* * *

**"Breaking Your Own Heart" Kelly Clarkson (I do not own these lyrics)**

Shaking your head like it's all wrong

Before you're here you're already gone

And even with the light all around you

You're all alone in the dark.

You're breaking your own heart

Taking it too far down the lonely road

You say you just want love

But when it's close enough you just let it go

The very thing you've been the most afraid of

You've been doing it from the start, breaking your own heart.

Too many tears, too many falls

It's easier here behind these walls

But you don't have to walk in the shadows

Life is so hard.

You're breaking your own heart

Taking it too far down the lonely road

You say you just want love

But when it's close enough you just let it go

The very thing you've been the most afraid of

You've been doing it from the start, breaking your own heart.  
You're breaking your own heart.

It's not too late, I'm still right here.

If only you'd let go of your fears

You're breaking your own heart

Taking your own heart down the lonely road

You say you just want love

But when it's close enough you just let it go

The very thing you've been the most afraid of

You've been doing it from the start, breaking your own heart.

You're breaking your own heart


	3. Chapter 3

**This is proof that I am just as excited about this as all of you are, and I feel bad leaving you without any Paily moments so here it is! Thank you for being amazing but I will have to finish chapter 5 before the next one goes up! :) Enjoy and let me know what you think. Also remember to check out the song choices after each chapter! We have a small grouping of us that are living through our Blue Lace and Red Velvet playlists on our ipods. :)**

* * *

Paige's brown eyes watched her as she moved past. Surely she could see the red on her cheeks and the way she wrapped her arms around her chest for protection from her gaze. She had spent the entire day trying to numb the flutter in her stomach that was just possibly a figment of her imagination anyways. The physical feeling was real of course but the reasoning behind the flutter was the thing that was unknown, and yet it shook her. The images in her mind that were screaming at her to pay attention to something but not clarifying exactly what that something was. On a precipice with so much to gain and absolutely nothing to lose. It made it difficult to even try from so many years of losing and never gaining. Like a habit that couldn't be outgrown, even with time. And nothing in Paige's actions the night before did anything other than show that she was a decent person.

She wandered through the outskirts of the tent. It was made up of a line of small vendors nestled against the curtain that acted as a wall, separating them from the stands of people while still under the deep red of the Big Top. The air was cooler in this outer perimeter as the night wind cut easier through the canvas and brushed against her bare legs. The coral of her dress stood out brightly against the bold colors around her, and the rich wooden tables that were showcasing beaded jewelry and light up toys for children. It was like a tiny flea market but much smaller and less crowed because everyone was inside watching the show.

She had to make herself ignore the voice over the speaker as she worked her way through a maze of fabric. Textures of canvas and satin in the richest of colors. It was beautiful. The tiny lights above moved in the breeze and cast dancing flickers of light off of the emerald greens and the royal blue. She could hear the slight jingling of the glass diamonds as they moved and the scent of warm sugar made her mouth water. It was tempting and she found herself enthralled in all of the different sensations around her. It felt liberating to run her fingers across the red velvet curtain but she had to reign her thoughts in quickly, pulling her hand away as the imagine of Paige's jacket crept into her mind without permission. Instead she slipped past a stream of blue into a new space, freezing instantly in her tracks. The soft grass beneath her feet was scattered with bits of hay and a new sound drowned out the roar of the crowd. A soft bray was coming from a stall in the corner. She inched forward, looking cautiously around her because she knew she wasn't supposed to be back here. She knew from the lack of people and from the crates and bales of hay that lay stacked carelessly in the corner.

"You're not supposed to be back here." A deep voice growled.

She whipped around to see a large burly man smoking in a corner chair. He eyed her impatiently, expecting her to leave right away...but she didn't. Instead she walked closer to him.

"You have horses?" She asked. He grinned in a slimy way that made her take want to take a step back. Curiosity wouldn't allow her to.

"I don't know if you could call them horses. More like ponies." He laughed, stomping his cigarette into the ground and standing to his feet. He was taller than her, and had probably a hundred pounds on her, with a scruffy face and lumberjack look. His accent screamed east coast. "You can see them if you want but they're just for the clowns to play around on. Not full-sized horses. They're more than we have room for though."

"Thanks." She breathed, moving towards the stall. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to end up back here but then I heard them so..."

"Better you wonder back here than in with the tigers." He laughed, lighting another cigarette and plopping back down in his chair.

She leaned over the stall and saw three Shetland ponies. Their coats shiny and their hair braided. They had nothing on Ember but they were beautiful. Sadness punched her in the stomach but also an idea that had no hope. Still she couldn't keep it away.

"Jack, we need you with the tigers." A voice called firmly behind her. She turned quickly and pressed her back against the stall, once again being discovered where she didn't belong and by Paige this time nonetheless. She eyed the man carefully as he staggered through the curtain and even from across the twenty feet between them she could tell Paige was holding her breath. She didn't release it until he was gone and there was an untrusting look in her eyes. Possibly even a fear, for some reason unknown to her.

"I'm sorry, I know I'm not supposed to be back here." She said automatically. Paige smiled and walked closer.

"It's fine, I'm not too worried about the ponies hurting you." She stopped beside her, stirring the air and bringing a sweet scent to her nose. A softness that made her mouth water much like the sugar had. She pressed her back harder into the gate from the closeness. Paige didn't seem affected by it at all and she didn't seem to have difficulty breathing either. She wanted to say so many things but her words were lost in the scent.

"Is the show over? I should find Hanna, she's probably looking for me." She mumbled.

"No, its intermission and I think i saw her arguing with some married couple so I doubt she's looking for you." She smiled and leaned over to look into the stall. "So you like them?"

She looked over her shoulder, still keeping her back pressed against the gate. Paige rested her arms over the gate and watched them. Her auburn curls fell around the red velvet on her shoulders but she no longer wore the hat. It took her a moment to realize she had been asked a question and even then it wasn't until Paige looked at her that she found her words again.

"Yeah." She turned around to lean over the gate beside her. "Listen, I'm sorry." She said quickly. It was all she could manage and it wasn't nearly enough but it was necessary. Paige crinkled her eye brows.

"You already apologized." She said. Emily shook her head lightly.

"No I mean, for last night and for Hanna this morning." She clarified. Paige sighed and straightened herself up to face her.

"You don't owe me anything. Like I said, you already apologized." Her breath shallowed slightly as she looked into her eyes. They were so soft and deep. "This is going to sound cheesy but...your eyes said sorry before your mouth did." Paige smiled lightly and turned away towards the curtain. She looked back at the small horses and the idea flickered in her mind again.

"Paige." She called. God, that name felt shamelessly good on her tongue. "Can I talk to you about something?" There was a worry in her voice and a subtle panic. She hadn't expected it to show through but Paige looked concerned as she turned to face her.

"Can you stay after the show?" Paige asked, her eyes firm and pleading.

"Yeah, of course." She nodded.

Paige turned quickly and disappeared through the curtain, leaving her behind as a fit of staggered breaths escaped her lungs. She took a last look at the stall and headed out to find Hanna. If this plan was going to work, she would need her too.

"Really?" Hanna snapped at the woman in front of her. "You're lying to yourself sweetheart!"

The lights were still on for the last few minutes of intermission when she found Hanna still sitting her chair still fighting away. She moved towards her quickly, squeezing between people in the second row. Paige stood with her clipboard nearby. She tell that she was watching from the corner of her eye with a very amused smile on her face. She was hearing everything because Hanna wasn't exactly whispering.

"Hanna, let's go!" Emily snapped, reaching to grab her arm. Hanna pulled her arm away but stood up to follow on her own. Her eyes still glaring into the woman.

"No, your husband is laughing his ass off because he's married to an idiot and he just realized that you're bat shit crazy!"

She grabbed her arm anyways and pulled Hanna away but she continued to shout over her shoulder at the lady.

"Can we just hurry up and get Hot Circus Girl back out here so the poor guy has someone to dream about because you're a fucking nightmare!"

She pulled her to the curtain and locked eyes apologetically with Paige, her cheeks flushing when she saw the huge grin on her face as she chuckled and shook her head in disbelief. Hanna turned her attention to Paige as they passed by.

"Hi, nice jacket! You're needed in the front row!" Hanna smiled at her, stumbling as Emily pulled her arm even harder.

She could hear Paige's voice over the speakers as they broke through the tent opening, welcoming the cool air. She released Hanna's arm and turned to face her. She wasn't angry with her. It was typical of Hanna to get hot-headed and honestly she was the best form of entertainment to be around but she was a little embarrassed about the reason for the argument in the first place.

"Please enlighten me!" She demanded. Hanna rolled her eyes impatiently.

"She got mad when I accused her husband of looking at..."

"Yea I know. I was there for that part." She sighed.

"Well then this pantomime came over and started mocking her with fake tears. It was actually really funny..." She laughed. "And then Paige came back out in that sexy get-up and his jaw dropped so I pointed it out to her."

"Oh God, Hanna." She couldn't help but smile. "And that went so well."

"It went well for me." She laughed. "Do you know she actually had the nerve to mention a lawyer? Please, Spencer would eat her for breakfast with her wheaties and still be hungry."

"Unbelievable." She sighed and shook her head.

"It is unbelievable! I'm missing the tigers and at least you have a shot at getting a private show." She huffed.

She turned away from Hanna, mostly to look around at their surroundings but even that action was to hide the flush of her cheeks because she was sure it could be seen even in the darkness. This had to stop now. Focus was necessary and the way she was losing control today was really beginning to annoy her. And now Hanna had joined Paige on Team: "mess with the flow of things."

They found a food vendor so they could get a drink before walking back to the car. Like Hanna need anymore energy. She cringed watching her gulp the mountain dew in her hand. It was unfortunate that the circus was a family affair because she could personally use something stronger than her water.

They lay together on the hood of the car, watching as the spotlights inside the tent bled through the fabric and shot off into the sky like shooting stars. Eventually they faded and crowds began pouring from the entrance. They waited patiently as cars pulled away and the lights of the smaller tents shut off.

"Will you wait here?" She asked Hanna as she scooted down to the ground. She was drumming her fingers on the metal and mumbling the words to some song about a circus.

"Where would I go?" She asked, continuing a rapid beat beneath with her hand.

She sighed hesitantly but decided it wasn't worth the arguement. Hanna was just as guilty of disappearing as she was. She went to walk away but Hanna snapped up off of the hood uneasily.

"I should probably lock myself in the car huh?" She looked around nervously. It was dark and quiet.

"Yea, I'd feel better if you did."

Without another word she was in the driver's seat clicking the lock behind her. She quickened her pace towards the tent, shivering as the cold air brushed against her skin. Suddenly this dress wasn't the best idea.

The air inside the tent was much warmer. Goosebumps appeared across her flesh from the quick change in temperature as she shivered again. The lighting was dim from only the twinkling strands that swayed high above her head. The bleachers now stood empty and an older man was sweeping the middle ring, which was puzzling because it was grass. But at least he seemed happy with his job. Everything was silent except for the faint laughter from outside. There were a few groups of people still walking to their cars and lingering at the picnic tables. She walked quietly past the covered tables of jewelry and toys, retracing the steps she had taken earlier past the red velvet that she wanted so badly to touch.

She took a deep breath before slipping through the stream of blue that hid the small horse stall. Movement behind her made her turn, eyes falling on Paige sitting on the arm of the chair in the corner. She still had the same concerned look in her eyes and that was due to the panic in her voice when she had asked to talk to her. She focused on steadying her breathing and relaxing ber body because she didn't want Paige to be worried.

"Hey." She breathed, examining her quickly. She had taken her hat and jacket off now, only wearing tight black pants with her boots and a white button up that was half untucked and hugged her closely. Her hair still flowing freely over her chest and only slightly covering the fact that the top two buttons were undone. "I...I'm sorry about Hanna." She breathed.

Paige straightened herself up and walked closer. Too close.

"You apologize a lot." She smiled softly. "But you don't have to. That's the best thing about all of this. We get to bring the crazy out and then leave town the next day." Paige watched her carefully when she didn't smile. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"That's the second time you've asked me if I was okay." she smiled weakly.

"Well, you at least have more color in your cheeks this time and you don't look drunk. Just sad." Her eyes softened. "What's wrong?" She pressed.

She shook her head lightly, swallowing back the dryness in her throat. It shouldn't be this hard to speak around her. It seemed easy enough for Paige to talk so what the hell was her problem? Focus.

"Yea, you asked earlier if I liked horses. I work at the stables and there's one I've been caring for for the last three years..." Paige stood quietly with an intensity in her eyes as she just listen. "His owners haven't paid for boarding in the last month and their sending him to auction on Monday." Her voice was becoming more panicked with each passing second but Paige was still hanging on her every word. "I can't...I mean...do you.." She choked, her eyes closing to calm herself.

She had spent the last two days trying not to even think about this and all of the sudden she was saying it out loud to a complete stranger. Her fingers began trembling and before she could rein herself in... Paige grabbed her hand and stilled the shaking. Her skin burning into her and forcing her eyes to hers. They held her in place and she couldn't bring herself to try to look away.

"Hey...come with me?" She asked. Her deep eyes were firm and understanding. She nodded and Paige releasing her hand just as quickly as she had grabbed it. She clutched her empty hand to her chest as she followed Paige through the tent. The heat still lingering on her skin. They walked through a back flap of the tent into a space obscured by crates and boxes. It looked like a break area for the performers. Paige reached into the cooler and handed her a bottle of water. She took it gratefully but didn't bother trying to open it because she didn't want to give away the trembling that continued in her hands.

Paige looked around quickly to get her bearings in the dark then moved forward, letting her fall easily into step beside her. They weaved around a few small dark tents towards the back of the lot before they reached a giant steel train car resting on the tracks. It was impossible to see exactly how long it was in the darkness but she could see at least five cars both ways before the night swallowed them completely. Paige pulled hard on a side hatch door and stepped onto a footbar, leaning Inside the lit train car. Sounds of talking and music flowed last her ears.

"Peter!" She called.

A tall man appeared in front of her. The same one she had seen whispering in her ear before the show.

"Yeah?" He smiled, tossing a football back over his shoulder. She heard the sound of something inside breaking from the impact it made but he didn't flinch. His eyes glided over her for a moment and then rested on Paige.

"Can you have Jack and the guys empty 12?" She asked.

"Yeah but he's gonna be pissed. Do you know how full that is? I don't think we even have anywhere to move all of that shit to." He wrinkled his eye brows but Paige just shrugged and turned to step back down.

"Then get rid of the shit. Beside his hands have been restless so it'll be good for him." She snapped, jumping down to the ground and closed the door behind her before he could argue further. Paige was looking at her now as she stepped closer. "Can you take me to him?" She asked.

Her throat tightened and her stomach fluttered hopefully, but she managed a weak nod. Ever since she had seen the little Shetland ponies she I hoped there would be a way to spare him from auction but it was such a faint hope.

Hanna was bopping along to the radio when they reached the car, jumping when Emily opened the passenger side door.

"Holy shit Em, are you trying to kill me?"

Paige automatically held the door in her hand as Emily climbed in and then closed it for her. Hanna smirked at the gesture and raised an eyebrow but she averted her eyes. Praying the darkness would hide the red of her cheeks and that the radio would muffle the pounding in her chest. Paige slipped into the seat behind her bringing with her the scent of Orange and white musk. In the small space she had to focus on breathing through her mouth.

"Han, can you drive us to the stables?" She asked.

"Well, you're in my car already so I don't think I have a choice." She quipped, turning to look at Paige in disappointment. "Awe, where's the jacket?" she frowned at Paige. It was frustrating listening to Hanna attempt to create tension. But then it was more sad than anything once she realized that Paige was so much faster.

"I gave it to the man in the front row after the lap dance you suggested." She shot back. Hanna turned back around slowly, her mind whirling in a million directions. Emily was feeling her pain.

"Damn and I was sad about missing out on the tigers." Hanna sighed, taking a drink of her soda.

"It's okay, we had to cut them out to fit in my nude flash dance." She said nonchalantly.

Hanna choked on her drink and then turned her wide eyes to Emily.

"You said the stables, right?" she clarified.

She nodded weakly as Hanna put the car in drive and pulled out of the lot. She had to lean heavily into her head rest for support and kept her eyes fixed on the lines in the road as they drove through town. Scolding herself incessantly for the mental images that had been placed in her head. She didn't breathe until her vision blurred and even then it was shallow. She knew Paige was joking and that it was shock value for Hanna but the damage had been done. On the list of things you would love to see but never would...check one and check two.

When they stopped in front of the stable Paige was out and opening her door before she had even managed to get her seatbelt off. Thank you Hanna for not having child locks on the back doors. She climbed out self-consciously, happy that Paige was looking at their surroundings instead of at her. If she had been she would have noticed the shaking in her hands. It made her uneasy that Paige was already so tuned in to her feelings and reactions. Any moment that she wasn't paying her direct attention, was a blessing.

Being on familiar ground made her relax more. She felt at home here and much more like herself. Like she had an upper hand and it was now Paige's turn to be unsure. Of course she took it in stride and didn't falter for a second. Paige was confident and determined and seeing that only made her focus more. This was her turf and had been everyday for the last three years. The shaking disappeared quickly as the scent of dirt and straw reached her nose. Once again feeling stronger and less like the train wreck she was when she was anywhere else.

"Hanna can you wait here?" She asked

"Sure thing, I have nowhere to be per usual." She sunk into the seat and cranked the stereo.

After pulling her keys from her purse she tossed it back on the passenger seat and closed the door, leading Paige through the darkness to the stable that rested on the backside of the lot. She stayed quiet beside her for a moment as they focused on careful steps, trying not to trip on the uneven ground. Paige broke the silence first.

"I was kidding, you know...about the jacket."

She nodded quickly. "Yea, I figured." She smiled. "But not about the flash dance right?" Paige chuckled and winked.

"Yea, the tigers were a little put out by the schedule change."

* * *

She watched Emily carefully as they walked through the darkness, keeping one arm slightly outstretched behind Emily's back, carefully out of sight but ready in case she stumbled. She admired the first real smile she had seen on Emily's face since she had been back in rosewood. Happy that she had the honor of making her smile but sad that it may also be the only one she would witness. She tried to memorize it and store it in her mind along with way the moonlight gave her raven hair a blue tint and made the pink dress glow against her caramel skin.

She moved her eyes away and put her hands in her pockets as they reached a stable door. Emily slipped a key into the large wooden door quickly and slipped inside, flipping a small light on the wall. It wasn't bright, just enough to cast a dim glow on the floor and deep shadows through the large wooden beams of the ceiling.

Emily stopped in front of a gate a few stalls down, her breathing staggered as she placed her shaking fingers on the latch. She placed her hand quickly over Emily's, and locked onto her eyes. She was struggling with this greatly and whatever it was that had broken her so much...had been temporarily mended by this animal. She was cracking before her and there wasn't anything she could do about it.

Emily pulled her hand away slowly and stepped aside, letting her slip around her into the stall while she stayed behind. It was dark but her eyes adjusted quickly to the silhouette standing before her. She reached instantly, running her hand down his nose and under his jaw. He was beautiful and strong. She pushed up under his neck, lifting his head slightly. The fact that he didn't pull away told her a lot about his temperament. She moved her hands down across his shoulder blades and ribs.

"He's amazing." She breathed. "Dutch warm-blood?"

Emily appeared at her side, keeping her hands locked tightly to her sides. "Yeah, you know horses?" She asked

"I know a lot of animals and not just the 4-legged ones." Emily smiled lightly. "I can't believe someone would abandon him. He's the epitome of 'show horse.'" She shook her head in disbelief and ran her fingers under his belly then down his front leg. He lifted his hoof automatically and she brushed her hand over the metal shoe, then she released him and stepped back.

"I've been taking care of him everyday since he got here and I've only seen his owners twice." Emily said, backing away when he nudged his head towards her shoulder. She nodded as she watched the sadness in Emily's eyes.

"You've done an amazing job." She agreed.

Even in the dim light she could see the shine of his coat and the manner in which he stood patiently by. Like he was waiting for a command to move. His eyes were locked on Emily and the bond she felt was intense.

"What's his name?" She asked. Emily looked down at the ground.

"If you can take him, I trust you to give him a good one."

The word that stuck out sharply in her mind as Emily spoke...was 'trust'. She shook her head stubbornly.

"No, I asked for his name from you. The name you gave him...not me." She waited as Emily looked back to her. She felt her heart break at the look in her eyes. If she thought she had seen pain there outside of the bar she was completely wrong. Nothing compared to this. This horse was like a makeshift bandage holding her together and all of the sudden she felt like the person ripping it painfully from her body and she didn't want to be that. She wanted to be anything but that. "Emily...auction won't be so bad. He would probably just end up having a lazy life on a farm somewhere."

Emily's eyes turned to panic, snapping the sadness away and replacing it with a strong determination.

"No, you have to take him, please. He too good to be wasted on a farm. I ride him almost everyday and he's amazing." She insisted. "I trust you to take care of him and maybe you can find a place for him in the show."

There was that word again, trust. She sighed and looked back at the horse.

"What's his name?" She asked again.

"Ember." Emily breathed. Her heart skipped lightly because it made perfect sense.

"That suits him. It's just like you." She nodded approvingly. Turning to Emily and explaining when she was met with the questioning look on her face. "Embers glow hot. Sometimes just as hot as the fire that created them. They radiate such a large amount of heat even long after the actual flame has died. They just need to be rekindled and allowed to breathe and the fire will spread again."

Emily smiled and looked back at the horse. "Well, I was just going on the fact that he has red highlights in his hair but..."

She laughed and patted his neck. Emily still hadn't touched him yet and she could understand why.

"Okay well...how are we gonna get him back to the fair grounds?" She asked.

"Follow me." Emily said, leaving the stall. She closed the gate behind her and led her to a small office in the back corner. Flipping on a light and opening a small file cabinet. Her hands flipping through the stacks and pulling out a blank form. She slammed it down on the desk and began writing.

Curiously she walked closer and sat on the edge of the desk as Emily filled it out. Words like 'surrender' and 'remaining balance' stood out boldly on the paper. Her breath caught when Emily jotted down that remaining balance, all five thousand dollars of it, then signed the bottom. She looked up from the contract and pushed the pen towards her. Trust. She repeated that in her mind as she took the pen and signed the other line.

"They owe five thousand dollars on his boarding?" She asked in disbelief.

Emily shook her head. "No, just a thousand. The other four is because you just bought him."

The air was forced from her lungs as she coughed on what Emily had just said. 'Trust', she repeated.

Emily ignored her, opening a metal locker in the corner that had her name on it in bright blue. Various pictures were taped inside. Pictures of Emily in the water swimming and pictures of the friends she had from high school. She sifted through a folder and retrieved a checkbook, ripping one off and tossing the rest back into the locker as she pushed it shut. She scribbled the amount across the the check and signed it, then ripped the receipt copy from the bottom of the form and handed it to her.

She looked down at the contract as Emily shoved papers back into folders. Her name was there across the top. Paige McCullers listed under owner and a stamp that read 'paid in full.' Emily appeared at her side, breathing heavily so she looked up from the contract to meet her eyes. She was determined and the strongest she had seen her in the past two days. It was an intoxicating change.

"The benefits of having management powers." Emily smiled lightly. It was clear she was invigorated by the situation.

"Okay, but the problem is still getting him back to the fair grounds. Do you guys have a trailer?" She asked. Emily just shook her head firmly. "They give you the power to sell a horse but not to drive a truck with a trailer?" She arched her eyebrow.

"No, I have the keys to the trailer but I'm going to ride him." She clarified. Her eyes flickered excitedly.

Emily pushed past her and walk back out to the stalls. She handed her the keys quickly and pushed open the gate. Stepping inside the stall and twisting her fingers lightly into his mane. Keeping her expressions relaxed but her jaw clenched. She stepped out of the way as Emily clicked her tongue and guided him forward.

"Do you have a saddle?" She asked. Emily just shook her head again and kept moving. 'Use your words.'

Once outside she closed and locked the large wooden door as Emily led him towards the car.

"Oh shit!" Hanna screamed and jumped as Emily tapped on the car window. She rolled it down. Her eyes wide as she leaned away from the horse who began trying to stick his head in the window towards her drink.

"Paige is gonna ride with you. I need you to follow me down the back road with your brights on. It's not lit and I need to see where I'm going."

"Are you horse-napping?" Hanna snapped. Keeping her voice low as her eyes darted around in the darkness.

"No, Paige bought him." Emily replied flatly.

"What, in some middle of the night black market? Are we horse traffickers now?"

"Hanna just do it!" Emily demanded.

She couldn't help but smile at the banter between the two of them. It was amusing. Emily looked directly at her now, so she moved and climbed into the passenger seat beside Hanna.

"We meet again, circus girl." She smiled.

"Paige." She corrected.

"That's good, really! They'll need our real names when we end up in jail together for horse laundering."

"Oh dear God." She shook her head.

Hanna flipped on her brights and waited. Both of them watching Emily lead the horse forward in front of the car and into the beam of light.

"Holy Hell." She mumbled. Her mouth gaping at the sight she was seeing.

* * *

She led Ember in front of the car. Far enough that the hum of the engine wouldn't startle him. She clicked her tongue again and nudged her knee lightly into his front leg. It bent automatically as he knelt down towards the ground. She felt her eyes stinging as the sadness of the moment ripped through her body, but she threw her leg lightly over his back.

"Let's go." She whispered, bringing him back to his feet. She quickly positioned the coral lace around her thighs, tucking it carefully under her body. Shivering at the cool breeze. Again this dress was a bad idea.

"That dress is really...pretty." She mumbled to Hanna. Swallowing the dryness in her throat.

"Yeah, but she's gonna freeze her ass off." Hanna laughed. "Serves her right for stealing a damn horse."

* * *

**"One And Only" Adele (I do not own these lyrics...sadly)**

You've been on my mind

I grow fonder every day,

Lose myself in time

Just thinking of your face

God only knows

Why it's taken me so long

To let my doubts go

You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared,

I've been here before

Every feeling, every word,

I've imagined it all,

You never know if you never try

To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

So come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile

until the end starts

If I've been on your mind

You hang on every word I say

Lose yourself in time

at the mention of my name

Will I ever know

how it feels to hold you close?

And have you tell me

whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared

'cause I've been here before

Every feeling, every word,

I've imagined it all,

You'll never know if you never try

To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your,

your one and only

I promise I'm worthy

to hold in your arms

So come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

I Know it ain't easy, giving up your heart  
(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)

I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)

I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)

I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)

I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

So I dare you to let me be your,

your one and only

I promise I'm worthy

to hold in your arms

So come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

Come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts.


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you to everyone waiting patiently for this story to fall into place...hopefully all of the right places. Your reviews are amazing and I always try to reply to them all through private message so feel free to voice any opinions you have and I'll respond. Thank you all again for letting me know that you enjoy Red Velvet. I have many plans in store for this story, Thank you to **LindyLLLeigh** for encouraging my writing even outside of Blue Lace and Red Velvet. Thank you to **AliasThorne** for showing such an interest in what im writing and for introducing me to a song that I can't believe I didn't know. Thank you **Checkerboard321** for loving our dear Mary and for so much more. Thank you to **Shokoshik** for reading this on a train, I love chatting with you late at night! Thank you **soundslikelife8** for loving BL and letting me know everything that you enjoy about RV. Thanks to **Pamy** for your impatience and enthusiasm, it was your review that convinced me to post chapters 2&3 so close together! Thanks to **Swordsong** for letting me know how Blue Lace reminds you of something special. Thank you to for encouraging me by loving Blue Lace and the dream sequence enough to give RV a chance! Big thank you to** saii79** for all the time and effort you put into the cover art...I appreciate everything you do! My biggest Thank you to **Lainierb** as always for being my inspirational muse, You always know how to decipher everything even better than I can myself and everything touches you the same way. You are amazing and you know it. If I'm forgetting anyone it is not intentional. I appreciate you all very much. ENJOY!_

* * *

"That dress is really...pretty." She mumbled to Hanna, swallowing the dryness in her throat.

"Yeah, but she's gonna freeze her ass off." Hanna laughed. "Serves her right for stealing a damn horse."

She twisted her fingers into his mane as she nudged him in the side, pushing him into a steady trot. Hanna stayed far enough behind to not scare him and the lights were still bright enough to see where they were going. The back road was gravel around the edge of town and that was a good thing. Pavement would be harder on him and there wasn't a way of riding him through town without being seen. This was the only option. He stamped impatiently between his steps, shifting his weight awkwardly. Almost like he was trying to go forward and backward at the same time.

She gestured to Hanna to fall back further but even when she did his body remained tense beneath her. It was her fault for not riding him in the last few days. His energy was overflowing and making him uneasy. An impatience in every step that was jostling her stomach. She trusted him and knew better than to think that he would throw her but the ache in her stomach was coming only from his discomfort, not hers. She did the only thing she could think of to ease him. Probably stupid and reckless given the lack of strong lighting on the road but it didn't really deter her. She focused on the long dark road ahead of them and the way she could barely see twenty feet past the headlights of the car, deciding that she didn't really need the light, trusting his instincts completely. She kicked her heel harder into his side, granting him permission to sprint forward.

She could hear the tires skid and falter behind her and then the quick acceleration as Hanna fell back, allowing the light to fade around her and enclose them in darkness. Hanna understood what she was doing. Hanna knew that if she needed the headlights, or wanted the brightness...she would slow down. But she didn't want it. She wanted the night to be the example of what her life had become. Always running from brightness and submerging herself effortlessly in black.

Her breath caught in her throat as the cool air replaced it. Breathing for her and making it easy. She tightened her thighs as his muscles moved faster between her legs, leaning forward slightly to help him gain speed. The flatter she pressed against his body, the faster he'd go. Hanna had fallen so far that the road ahead was pitch black. Hanna knew what she was doing.

* * *

"What the hell is she doing?" Hanna snapped in disbelief.

The tires skidded on the loose gravel then she tried to accelerate again to keep up with Emily, who was now fading in front of them. Her dress whipping up around her thighs as she leaned into his speed. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't watched every movement of her body. The graceful arch of her back as she kicked him faster.

"Give them room." She mumbled. "She knows what she's doing."

Hanna turned her wide eyes to study her across the small space. She didn't even have to look at Hanna to see her shock, and she couldn't have forced her eyes away from Emily if she wanted to, which she didn't.

"Are you out of your fucking mind? There's no way she can see!"

She rolled her eyes and kept her voice low and even. "She can see...because he can see." She pointed. Obviously an animal had better eyes and instincts than a human. Hanna obviously found common sense to be frustrating. Personally she felt the _lack of common sense_ was worse. Go figure.

"Yeah that makes no sense. If she can't see she won't be able to steer him."

"Yea, that would make a lot of sense if she was driving a car." She mumbled.

"Do you have something to say?" Hanna snapped.

She sighed heavily at having to pull her eyes away from Emily, moving them to Hanna instead.

"Yes actually!" She shot back. "I've been around her for 24 hours and I think that if I can trust that she's doing what she needs to do...then someone that's been around her for most of her life should be able to do the same thing!"

Hanna gasped lightly, a realization flickering in her eyes. "You like her! God, I'm so blind!"

"Well then the fact that you're driving is seriously questionable." she snapped back. "I trust her and I hardly know her. What does that say about you?" She flickered her eyes quickly to see the coral pink still ahead as Hanna sighed.

"My driving is fine, and I can see clearly enough in the dark to tell that you're blushing!" Hanna insisted.

"Again, questionable." She breathed

"My driving or you blushing?"

Hanna groaned in annoyance when she didn't answer, clenching the steering wheel tightly.

Her blood was silently about to boil over and she quickly found herself calculating the speed of the ground flying by outside. Loose gravel, grassy ditch. Nothing compared to jumping from the train though. The height was to her advantage there. The car being so low to the ground only gave her the option to tuck and roll. What a shame. White shirts are hard to clean.

"Just say it. You like her." Hanna insisted. Her voice was calmer after a few moments of silence.

"I do, but if I was planning on explaining it, it would be to Emily...not you." She breathed.

Hanna looked at her sadly for a moment then quickly back to the road, dropping the topic and not a moment too soon. As the lights were moving closer the moment felt precious suddenly. A loud ticking in her ears that was counting down too quickly. Like something forcing the hands on a clock to move forward when it was the opposite of what you wanted.

"Listen, just be there for her okay? Because I won't be here to walk her home next time."

Hanna was silent beside her.

* * *

His mane whipped up and hit her cheek, leaving a sting across her skin and a burning in her eyes. Not because it was painful, not physically anyways, but because he would be gone soon.

A faint light appeared in the distance so she focused on it carefully. It was the only way to keep the tears from her eyes. The giant tent moving closer with each passing second. She pulled lightly on his mane gradually working him into a gallop, then a trot as she reached the edge of the parking lot. The street lights illuminated the area enough that Hanna pulled around into a parking space near the tent, giving her a wide berth. She tugged his hair again and brought him to a stop.

Hanna and Paige were already out of the car and waiting as she clicked her tongue and brought him down to his knees again, sliding carefully from his back. She leaned into him slightly as she stood. The ground shifting beneath her feet for a moment as she adjusted to the stillness. The air felt much warmer when it wasn't whipping across her exposed arms and legs yet she still shivered.

"Damn Em, ride much?" Hanna smiled weakly as she appeared at her side.

She looked over her shoulder and let her eyes rest on Paige. Her face was peaceful and soft. Reluctantly she let go of his mane and stepped away, giving Paige room to step closer. He belonged to her now after all. But Paige didn't budge at all, instead she just studied her face.

"Can you lead him for me?" Paige asked softly.

She nodded after a second and touched his mane again, guiding him forward and following Paige around the outskirts of the tent towards the train tracks. Hanna moaned and followed behind, still keeping a careful distance from the horse and muttering something about "accessories to fraud."

Paige stopped a few feet back from the steel train car. It was deep blue with swirls of color across the sides. Intricate patterns of swirls and ivy wound tightly together in lighter shades of blue, resembling lace. Small slits spaced evenly in a row across the top to allow air flow. Paige pulled a cell phone from her back pocket and punched in a number, turning impatiently towards them.

"Is there a reason 12 is still closed?" She said into the phone, picking at her finger nail. "Well, then he can complain to my face about it when he gets his ass down here." She snapped the phone shut and sighed. Kicking her boot into the ground as they waited. Within minutes a small storage truck appeared in the distance, moving towards them from down the tracks and going faster than necessary.

"Yeah, this isn't shady at all Em." Hanna mumbled. "Isn't there at least an underground horse railroad?"

Paige walked towards the truck as it moved closer, probably to cut it off and create a wider space between it and Ember. Rocks flying from under the tires and smacking loudly into the steel of the train cars. It locked on the breaks when it closed in, sliding on the loose gravel and coming too close to hitting Paige. Only a foot to spare. Close enough to throw a cloud of dirt around her feet.

Paige didn't moved and she seemed unbothered, but she couldn't help but feel anger towards the driver as she watched her standing there, vulnerable. Her cheeks burned and she gripped tighter to Ember's mane. It was uncontrollable and unexpected over something so simple. It felt natural. But then again it was reckless driving so maybe it wasn't simple.

She recognized the burly man from earlier, Jack. He was the one that she had talked to about the horses and he had seemed harmless then but now there was a fire in his eyes as he climbed out of the truck. Two other men jumped down from the cab but they seemed unfocused and completely passive. Her body tensed as the larger man moved towards Paige. She released Ember and stepped forward, closer to her out of an instinct she didn't realize was there until now. Hanna grabbed her by the elbow and stopped her.

"Don't, Em." She whispered. She pulled her arm away from Hanna and moved anyways. Paige was completely relaxed before but as she stepped closer she watched her body tense. So she stopped.

"Its 10 o'clock at night! What are we supposed to do with all the shit in there?" He snapped.

"When was the last time we touched anything in 12?" She retorted. "Load it up and dump it. We don't need it if we haven't used it in the last month."

The man's eyes darted over to where she stood, and over at Ember. "We don't have room for another animal." He groaned. Paige was already turning away but that brought her back around to him.

"We aren't going to have enough room for you if you can't get this shit done the first time I ask!" She snapped. "You're lucky you still have arms so why don't you just try to enjoy that fact that you do by using them." She shifted slightly and hesitated. "And we're gonna need some bales moved up from 13."

He huffed and signalled the other guys to pull the side door open. Paige turned and walked back towards them, her eyes softened instantly as she came to a stop beside her. She shivered again but not from the cold. From the electricity radiating from Paige's body as she stood close, almost protectively. Why couldn't the shiver just be from the cold?

"It's gonna be a little while. You guys don't have to wait." She said. Hanna breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank God!" She mumbled, pulling lightly on her arm to leave. She looked sadly at Ember and took one step back before she froze again, turning to look at Hanna.

"I'm gonna stay a little longer." She said. "You can go back and crash if you want." Hanna's eyes flickered to Paige as she released her arm and sighed. A defeat that seemed to run deeper than just the topic at hand.

"Okay..." She breathed. "Can I trust you to get her home tonight without anymore 'Grand Theft Equestrian'?"

"Yea, of course." Paige smiled. "No problem."

Hanna nodded and turned away. "See you when the crazy is back in town, Circus Girl!" She called over her shoulder.

"Paige!" She shouted after her, shaking her head. Hanna waved her hand dismissively over her head and disappeared into the darkness.

She shivered as the wind blew against her skin, reaching her hand up to stroke Ember's neck. Before she knew it Paige's hand touched her cheek lightly and then pulled away. Just a hint of heat that got her attention.

"You're freezing." She whispered, turning instantly and gesturing towards the Big Top. Paige stopped when she didn't move to follow, looking between her and the horse. "You can bring him too." Paige added.

She shook her head stubbornly and dropped her arm to her side, stepping away from Ember. "You should lead him...he's yours."

Paige looked at him hesitantly and moved closer, stopping by her side. The sleeve of her white button up shirt was bunched up around her elbow and as Paige reached for Ember her forearm brushed against her the way it had outside of the bar. Fire against the ice of her own arm.

"No." she said matter-of-factly as she touched his mane. "He's yours."

Paige clicked her tongue when she still refused to budge. He moved immediately, following her into the tent and leaving her staring after them. Her breath released in one gust. Relief and happiness for the first time in so long. A new calm that came with knowing he was going to someone good.

Trust is a funny thing sometimes. It can take years to build and be lost in a matter of seconds, or never found in a lifetime. But sometimes it has a way of appearing out of nowhere and in just a matter of moments. From soft eyes or a smile. From the right words being lightly spoken at just the right time or sometimes from the ones left unspoken. She trusted Paige to look after him and that put her mind at ease.

* * *

She stopped inside the archway and turned to Emily, watching as her expression relaxed. A peace on her face and a flicker of resolve she hadn't yet witnessed. After a moment Emily walked beside her into the tent. The air was warmer inside but she could feel Emily shiver beside her and it took everything in her to keep her eyes...and arms away. She guided the horse through the stream of blue and into the room with the small horses, releasing him next to a hay bale, then walked over to the chair in the corner and grabbed her jacket that lay draped over the back. She turned to face Emily and stepped closer, not hesitating to wrap the red velvet around her shoulders. Emily tensed for a moment but slid her arms inside the warm sleeves.

"Better?" She smiled.

Emily nodded. "Thanks. And not just for the jacket but for everything."

"I feel like I should be thanking you. You just gave me a horse." She joked, plopping down on a bale of hay. Emily sat beside her and smiled.

"No, you're doing me a favor. Besides I threw up on your boots so I owe you." Emily shot back.

"Are we really gonna try to out-do each other on thank you's and apologies?" She teased.

"Only if you want to lose. I've barely started apologizing for Hanna." Emily grinned. Another real smile.

"Okay I cave, but if it makes you feel any better you didn't throw up on my boots, just yours. I have fast reflexes."

Emily sighed in relief. "That does make me feel better actually. I was worried about that."

She watched the smile on Emily's face when it appeared but also as it vanished. It was gone too quickly. Part of her wanted to reach out and ask, but the biggest part of her said no. She wanted to ask what had happened to her that had left her so broken. She wanted to ask her why she was still in this town. She wanted to tell Emily too. She wanted to tell her every detail surrounding her choice to leave Rosewood, even if it was small and trivial now. She wanted to tell Emily every thought in her head that involved her. But she couldn't bring herself to make this harder than it had to be. She couldn't give false hope to someone who was already so lost and she couldn't even bring herself to console her in any way because she knew nothing she said or did would be able to fix her. As much as she didn't want to, she had to leave it alone. She was leaving in a few hours and that couldn't be ignored or changed.

"So, why did you leave Rosewood?" Emily asked. Her tone was casual. Only an intention for small talk but hiding a genuine curiosity that was exactly what she wanted to avoid. She had left rosewood seven years ago and she knew she had no right to touch Emily's life, especially not now.

She looked at Emily for a moment, watching her dark eyes that were waiting for an answer.

"Uh, family business, obviously. It was a needed change."

"So do you like all of this? Leaving all the time? Always moving?"

So much for leaving it alone. The answers to those questions in truth were: yes, not anymore, and not since you. That wasn't going to happen.

"I love all of this. It's incredible and rewarding." She nodded. "Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to stop and stay in one place but...that didn't work out for me the first time. I don't think I could ever give it all up." Emily nodded beside her. An understanding in her eyes that showed only a deep emptiness.

It was proof that this should be left alone. All of it. In fact it angered her. She wanted to protect her from everything but she wanted to leave to spare herself from breaking any further. It needed to be up to Emily to change her life on her own without any input from her, and from the look in her eyes, she wasn't ready to. She was hesitant and distant. Lost in thoughts that were too far away for her to touch. And honestly she had no chance of reaching them by herself and no right to try. Emily may have fallen but she hadn't hit rock bottom just yet. Everybody has a rock bottom. A true limit to how much they can take before they decide whether to pick themselves up or stay down indefinitely. Watching Emily ride showed her that she hadn't completely fallen. No matter how bad things had been for her she would need to crash on her own before she would finally be ready to pick herself up again. And she couldn't make that choice for her. She was already be forced to take Ember away...she couldn't be the one to inflict anymore pain. She wouldn't survive it herself.

"Are you hungry?" She asked standing to her feet. Emily was rolling one of the gold buttons on the jacket lightly between her fingers, but she looked up.

"Yeah." She smiled softly, pulling herself up. The proper thing would have been for her to help Emily up but she feared just the touch would hurt. Instead she shoved her hands in her pockets and used her head to gesture Emily to follow.

They walked together through the curtains to the main arena. Everything inside was always set up the same, just a different town. She knew exactly where to find the small old-fashioned popcorn maker that always sat in the corner next to the bleachers. She flipped a red button on the side and looked at Emily.

"You can sit down." She said, pointing at the row of seats beside her. Emily tugged the jacket closer as she walked and sat down. The smell of hot butter filled her nose and she realized she hadn't eaten all day. That was typical on show days and she would usually spend a good two days vegging out on the train afterwards anyways. Scooping two bags she sat down beside her, pushing a bag in Emily's direction.

"You're really good with him, you know?" She said softly, watching Emily's face as her smile appeared again, tugging just lightly at her lips. But it was there. "How long have you been riding him like that?"

"Like that? Two years. It didn't take long to work him out of ropes and saddles. He's smart and didn't like them to begin with." She nibbled on a piece of popcorn, licking the butter from her thumb and the salt from her lower lip. That act was innocent but it still had her looking away quickly, focusing on the popcorn in her own hand. Counter productive.

"Paige?" Peter appeared beside her in the archway. "It's ready if you wanna bring him back." That was quick, and quick was good.

She nodded and jumped up both reluctantly and gratefully, if that were even possible. She reached for Emily's hand without thinking and helped her up, releasing her the second she felt the heat burn into her skin. Her hands immediately found their way into her back pockets as she led the way back to stable room.

Emily stood back, allowing her to make the commands from here on out. She touched his mane, and he moved. It wasn't even necessary for her to keep her hand there. Just a light touch and he began walking beside her. She'd worked with animals a lot, in fact she trained all of the animal trainers herself, but she had never seen one like this. He was calm yet alert with an energy that radiated from his body and a peace in his eyes. She had watched in awe as Emily rode in front of the car. Her hair whipping off of her face and pink lace flowing behind her. This horse was the epitome of Emily's soul and it was intoxicating just being near him. The same drunken emotions that came with being near her. She poured everything she had into this animal and its was tangible in the air. Inspiring and majestic. A longing to be free but a desire to stay where he was wanted. Where he felt safe.

She glanced back at Emily walking quietly behind, still fumbling with the gold button and holding her popcorn in her free hand. Still lost in thoughts that she had no way of touching. No matter how much she wanted to.

The side of the blue train car stood wide open with a ramp leading up. She walked up carefully, brushing his neck to command him to follow. The inside was warm and dry, with a raw wood floor and scattered straw. Clean water and a bucket of feed. Traveling by train was much smoother than trailers. There weren't bumps in the road or sharp corners to throw you from your feet. He would be comfortable here. There was a door connecting it to the car in front of it and one to the car behind so it would be easy to get to him while in motion.

Emily walked up the ramp behind him and exhaled softly. Her eyes twinkled with a knowledge but it wasn't clear if even she knew what that was. Just a flicker of thought as she nodded, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"Thanks." She breathed.

She wanted to joke with her about thank you's again but the moment felt entirely wrong now. Dire and sensitive. She nodded instead and moved towards her.

"He's yours." She assured. "And I promise he'll be okay."

Emily glanced at him over her shoulder and wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

"I know." She said surely, but she didn't move towards him at all.

* * *

She turned slowly from Paige and Ember and walked back down the ramp. There was already no hope of salvaging her life and if she stayed here any longer she would fall on the spot. She couldn't look at him again and part of her didn't even want to look at Paige. Her eyes on the other hand had plans of their own and somehow kept finding her. Her legs needed to move while they still could. To put as much ground between this moment and herself as possible.

She could hear Paige's foot steps following behind and was shocked at how much that did to comfort her. Her fingers still rolled over the gold button lightly and her lungs hurt from the short breaths she had been taking. Less Orange clung to the jacket and more musk. A light floral with a hint of spice. It was soft and feminine with a note of strength and it was clouding her mind. She stopped as Paige caught up to her side, slipping the velvet from her shoulders and handing it back to her. Paige's breath hitched as she took it back, letting her arm drop down to her side and the fabric hang loosely in her fingers.

"Let me grab some keys and I'll take you home. I don't want Hanna coming after me. I've seen what she's capable of and I'd rather not see it again." She smiled. They walked along side the length of the train, Paige falling one step behind like she had outside of the stables. Something about that made her feel safe.

"Yeah, Hanna has her extreme moments." She agreed.

"To be fair I think we all have those moments. Some of just don't act on them so much." Paige grinned.

"Did she cause too much trouble? I'm really.."

"Don't say sorry." Paige pleaded. "And no, no trouble. I think everyone enjoyed it except for that poor woman. Though I have to admit I was a little upset with the 'bat-shit crazy' part. I thought I had a copyright on that term." She chuckled lightly.

She smiled as she listened to the laugh leave Paige's lips, unable to keep herself from laughing too. Also unable to silence the scream in her head that was telling her to stop. To slow down and memorize this moment because there was no telling when or if she would ever be here again.

They stopped near a side door. Paige pulled it open and stepped on the foot rail, kicking off the ground to climb up. She turned once she was inside and extended her arm towards her. She held her breath as she placed her hand in Paige's, allowing her to pull her up too and stumbling slightly as her body brushed against her in the tight doorway. Paige released her hand quickly once she had her footing, turning and moving left down a dimly lit hallway with rich red carpet and warm wood walls. Small windows to the outside lined the right side of the hall with a few doors spaced on the left side. The wood on the walls showcasing tiny pictures of animals and circus acts. She stopped near a window and touched her hand lightly over a carving of a stallion rearing back with a large feather in a crown on its head.

"It's really beautiful." She noted. Paige stopped a few feet ahead beside a wooden door, turning to follow her gaze.

"I've always loved that one. Go figure." She smiled.

"Can you put a feather on his head like this?"

Paige chuckled lightly as pushed open the door.

"Yeah, I can probably do that."

She dropped her hand to her side and followed Paige through the doorway. The red carpet continued into the space, which was larger than she had expected. The color of the floor slightly covered by a plush white rug. The walls were still the same rich wood and tiny carvings edged the ceiling. Paige walked over to a small door in the far right corner and flipped a switch on the wall. A small light turned on casting a warm dim glow over the room. She opened the door and slipped the red velvet jacket on a hanger, pulling out a brown leather bag instead. Another door rested in the far left corner separated from the closet by a small window with a vanity counter. Probably a bathroom. She moved her eyes to an arched door frame that stood flush against the one solid wall beside the closet. Heavy red curtains hung down the sides for the purpose of being pulled shut to hide the double bed that rested inside the tight enclosed space. The bed was pushed against the left side with a narrow space to the right where a small table sat with an alarm clock. It was nothing like she expected it to look. When she thought of sleeping or living on a train she pictured hammocks hanging from the ceiling and forming bunk beds over each other. This was beautiful and inviting. Her eyes went to the bed again. Maybe it was pirate ships that had hammocks.

Paige moved to her side, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

"Are you ready?" Her eyes changed as she spoke. The deep brown turning from soft to focused so quickly.

"Yeah." She mumbled, giving her a light smile. She backed out of the room into the hallway as Paige closed the door behind then led the way back outside. Paige jumped down first, again offering her hand to help her to the ground.

"So, where are you going next?" She asked, planting her feet on the ground. Paige released her hand again quickly and found her back pockets. They started walking towards the tents and she was surprised when she realized half of them had already collapsed to the ground. Workers scrambling in the darkness and packing up.

"West Virginia. We have a lag for a few days outside of Charleston." Paige frowned slightly.

"I'm guessing that's a bad thing?" She asked. Paige shook her head.

"Not really. We have quick stops sometimes, like this one, and then other times we get a longer spacing for shows. It let's everyone rest a little longer before leaving again. We just got stranded in a snow storm last time we were there."

She nodded in understanding. "That doesn't sound so bad. I love snow."

"Oh I do too. Just not on the tracks with a limited supply of shovels." Paige smiled.

"Are you gonna stop here again soon?" She asked. Her voice sounded strong but she felt weak. She knew what she wanted to hear but also accepted the truth even before the question left her lips. They stopped beside a black single cab pick-up. Old in age and very well-kept. One of those you would see at an antique car show. Paige kicked her boot hard into the ground as she stopped walking. Turning to face her even though she kept eyes cast to the dark sky as she mulled over an answer. Her hands still deep in her pockets.

"Probably not." Paige sighed, bringing her eyes back to meet with hers. She could feel her throat tighten. "Hanna may have gotten us barred from the town." She smiled, pulling open the passenger side door and holding it open for her.

She smiled in relief at the joke and stepped closer. Brushing past her as she climbed into the cab of the truck. Paige closed the door behind her and walked around the hood to the driver's side.

She clenched her fists as she pulled the seatbelt across her lap, trying to still the tremble that had started there. A shaking deep within her that was being amplified by the cool air, among other things. She watched her slide in behind the wheel, dropping her bag to the seat between them and pushing the key into the ignition as she pumped her foot against the floor. The engine roared to life then quieted to deep purr. Paige wrapped her hand over the shiny gear knob and pushed it forward, pulling smoothly from the grass into the street.

She shivered lightly as she watched the wind blowing through the trees outside the window. Paige noticed, reaching her hand up to crank the heat on and flip the button on the radio. The oldies station belted out a staticy 'Let's Get It On.'. Her eyes widened as she slapped it back off.

"Shit." Paige breathed.

She smiled as she watched Paige's reaction. It was priceless. Paige looked at her and smiled sheepishly.

"I'm sorry." She said, shaking her head in disbelief. "This is one of three sets of keys and I haven't driven this truck since we've been here." The redness in Paige's cheeks made her laugh.

"I believe you." She insisted. Paige's smile widened as she watched her, only making her laugh harder.

"You don't believe me!" Paige accused. "Have you seen the men I work with?" Her mouth dropped as she shook her head.

She stopped laughing and rolled her eyes at the accusation, a smile still on her lips.

"I have...and I do believe you." She demanded. Paige threw a hand up in defeat, still not buying buying it.

She sighed and reached for the radio, turning it back on as Paige eyed her curiously. The song had ended and now a broken up Earth Angel filtered through. She shut it off again, sinking back into the seat as Paige pulled to a stop in front of her house. Hanna's car was in the driveway but the house was dark. Her heart pounded from how fast the drive had passed. It was only a few miles but it was still over too soon.

Paige tapped an overhead light on the ceiling and reached for her bag, digging inside and pulling out a small book and a pen. She unbuckled herself and leaned forward to the dash-board, using its flat surface to write. The heat from the vent blew her hair off her shoulders and perfumed the air as she wrote, bringing a dryness to her throat. She clenched her fists tighter and after a few seconds Paige leaned back again, tearing a paper from the book and handing it to her. She took it slowly and studied the writing, surprised by what she saw.

"No." She said firmly pushing it back towards her. "I'm not taking this."

Paige locked onto her eyes stubbornly but she didn't move to take the check back.

"I'm not letting you just give me a five thousand dollar horse." Paige shook her head.

"You're right, you're not 'letting' me because I already did. It's done." She said firmly. Paige sighed.

"Please. I need to leave but I can't if I owe you like this." Her voice was pleading and defeated. The sadness in her eyes made her drop her hand to her lap. The way she said that she *_needed_* to leave. It was finally the truth that she had prepared herself for. Paige wasn't passing off sarcastic blame on Hanna's behavior this time, or joking about being barred from Rosewood. She really did want to leave and it was clear in the desperation of her gaze.

She retracted her arm, still clutching the check in her fingers. A numbness working through her body and dripping morphine into her mind. It hurt but only for a moment because it was everything she had expected. It made sense.

Paige relaxed and threw open her door to walk around but there was no need for her help this time. She opened her own door and climbed out before Paige made it around the hood. Guilt at that decision cut through her as Paige reached her side. She had to force her eyes to find the ground to avoid the hurt on her face as she closed the door for herself. She kept her voice neutral and her words indirect. A decision that was hard but her stubbornness wouldn't allow her any other way.

"When are you guys leaving?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest as she shivered and stepped up onto the sidewalk.

"I don't know, a few hours probably. Depends on how fast we get packed up but we should be hours away by the time the suns up."

She nodded and smiled weakly. "Well, thanks again for everything. What I saw of the show was amazing and i know Hanna loved it."

Paige ducked her head and smiled, leaning against the door of the truck and kicking one boot back onto the side step. "I'm glad you guys liked it all things considered. Even though Hanna missed the tigers." Her smile widened.

"Yeah, she was disappointed about that." She agreed.

"Well, if we make it back this way tell her I'll make it up to her."

She nodded and moved towards the porch, ignoring the way that movement caused Paige to straighten herself off of the truck and step forward. She stopped and turned to face her again, now ten feet between them in physical distance and in reality so much further.

"Take care of him. He means a lot to me."

Paige breath hitched in her throat and even in the darkness she could see the melting of her chocolate eyes. Her words were soft and short but they were honest.

"I will. And, I know."

She smiled weakly and walked to the porch, keeping her arms wrapped tightly across her chest for warmth. Or maybe to keep from falling to the ground. Both were important reasons in any case.

The door was unlocked and she even though she heard no movement from Paige, she couldn't bring herself to look back. She closed the door tightly behind her and flipped the lock, focusing on taking deep breaths and keeping the movement in her body as she forced herself upstairs immediately.

She faltered slightly when she heard the faint roar of the truck out front. Recovering to the best of her ability and forcing herself to push on. She tried to keep her thoughts away from the fact that the only thing that had been holding her together for the last three years, was now gone. Goodbyes are never easy but they are often inevitable. Even with that understanding she stumbled on the top step, crashing to her knees and sinking into the banister of the stairwell.

A dry sob escaped her throat and a sting pushed tears from her eyes. If she thought she had felt empty before she was severely wrong. The hopelessness now was untouchable to anything she had felt before. Knowing she wouldn't be able to see the one thing that pulled her from bed every morning and the one thing that had made her really smile again.

The scariest part was that her thoughts were not only on the horse. It played a role in pushing her further into the ground...but not completely. It was the clear images of a girl leaning across the bar. Of the spot light in her hair and her face in the shadows of the stables. The furthest fall was somehow coming from the sound of the truck fading into the distance and the musk on her skin. Her mind was screaming at her to remember those images. Begging to go back and walk through them again. They were just ghosts now and maybe that's all they had ever been. A possibility in another place and another time. Like the flickering memory of a dream that slips away slowly until you can't remember if it ever happened.

She choked on the cry in her throat trying to pull herself back to her feet but failing every time as her body weakened and weighed her down, only now understanding the term 'rock bottom'. She was crumbled and broken and the floor spun beneath her. How much pain could one person handle? Because this was too much.

She gave up trying to move, instead she pressed her back against the railing, wrapping one hand around the wood to keep from falling any further, not that if it mattered if she did. Her throat was on fire from the dryness and the tightening in her chest had her struggling to breath. Nothing felt more wrong in her entire life than this exact moment.

* * *

**"A Long Slow Slide" (I do not own these lyrics) *Thank you AliasThorne. this is the perfect mix of them both.***

Lights are bright in the circus

The geeks and the freaks all light cigarettes and laugh at your misery

While the white of the curtain closing crushes your heart

The inertia of loneliness tears your flesh apart

It's a long slow slide

It's a long slow slide

It's a long slow slide

Down

Once the neon is gone

There's still that golden splinter at your side

His manners are charming

But who are you fooling

You're still nobody's bride

And Bukowski's widow

Haunts each empty seat on the ferris wheel

As ghoulish lovers collide

in a collage of kisses that they steal

It's a long slow slide

It's a long slow slide

It's a long slow slide

Down

And outside your window you can see the circus  
It's lurching with rings of smoke

You laugh halfheartedly at the punchline

Not realizing they've made you the joke

And inside you're heart a war is raging

A region still untamed

The worst fear I can imagine is for the mystery to be named

Is for the mystery to be named

It's a long slow slide

It's a long slow slide

It's a long slow slide

Down

* * *

**"The Scientist" Coldplay (I do not own these lyrics) *Thank you Lainierb for the beautiful cover from your sister, its better that the original***

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you, tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions

Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles, coming up tails

Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures

Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science, science and progress

Don't speak as loud as my heart

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me

Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles, chasing our tails

Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy

Oh it's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

* * *

**"I'll Say Goodbye For The Two Of Us" Expose (I do not own these lyrics.) *My original choice***

When you wake up  
And find me gone tomorrow  
Dont think I meant to hurt you  
I just did what we knew I had to do  
And all the time we knew  
The time was never right for us  
Time to leave this love behind  
I could never leave you - Baby  
If I see you cry

Ill say good bye for the two of us  
Tonight while you sleep  
Ill kiss you softly one last time  
And say good-bye  
Like I know we must  
Theres just no other way  
And I couldnt bear to see your heart break  
So Ill wait till your asleep to say good-bye

Please realize  
How hard it is to do this  
Im trying to make it through this  
Say good-bye just as gently as I can  
Please try and understand  
This times just not the time for us  
We knew I couldnt stay  
But that dont make it easier to leave you  
So while I can find the strength

Ill say good bye for the two of us  
Tonight while you sleep  
Ill kiss you softly one last time  
And say good-bye

Before your arms embrace me  
Before your kisses take me  
Before your eyes can make me stay

Ill say good bye for the two of us  
Tonight while you sleep  
Ill kiss you softly one last time  
And say good-bye  
Like I know we must  
Ill wait till youre asleep  
To say good-bye for the two of us  
Tonight while you sleep  
Ill kiss you softly one last time  
And say good-bye  
Like I know we must  
Theres just no other way  
And I couldnt bear to see your heart break  
So Ill wait till your asleep to say good-bye

When you wake up  
And find me gone tomorrow  
Dont think I meant to hurt you

Good bye


	5. Chapter 5

**_Okay this chapter took me awhile to handle. It's the only chapter I've written that came so perfectly and painfully for me that I didn't need to make any changes during editing. It just feels more raw to me and I'm not gonna lie I struggled with the emotion of this one. I'm going to keep this short but I am so grateful for the love everyone continues to show for this story and I hope you stick with me after this chapter._**

* * *

Watching Emily walk away was conflicting. Praying she would turn around but begging her not to. Memorizing the way the moon made her hair and dress glow but wanting to forget it. She had taken a step towards her, wanting to walk her to the door again but accepting that Emily didn't seem to want that. And she was right to think like that. She wasn't needed here anymore and she couldn't stay. The only peace she found was in the way Emily seemed to feel that way too, albeit sadly. So many things colliding in her mind and none of them could find a way to piece themselves together. It's disorienting to have your own mind telling you what to do while everything else in your body is wanting what you can't have. The only thing she could do was follow Emily's lead and turn away too. Even though she knew she had to do it, not even a small part of her wanted to. Emily needed to focus on herself without her here. She needed to be able to decide for herself what she needed without having her here to be a reason for her decisions. Emily had enough decisions already and none of them involved her.

She forced herself around to the driver's side of the truck once the front door was safely closed behind her, sliding into the seat and starting the engine. Her eyes flickered to the radio and "Earth Angel" repeated itself in her mind like a mantra that seemed to be taunting her incessantly. Rubbing the obvious in her face. Picking over wounds that had begun to heal before her arrival back in Rosewood. Reminding her of why she had never come back before, why she kept herself away for so many years. She scolded herself for making the choice to come back now because she was so sure she had healed enough to be able to return and leave again without incident. Of course she couldn't have expected any of this but still, it was a reminder now and Peter was right. She was weak and being here was beyond foolish. Add that to the mantra, weak and foolish.

As she pulled into the fairgrounds she let the engine die, falling back heavily against the seat and letting her eyes close. They burned from finally being able to rest. She hadn't stopped moving all day and the stillness around her only made her more tense. If she was in any other state or even another town she would have found solace in the silence, but not here. Solace was never something she had been able to find in Rosewood. There had never really been a chance for her to truly find it and by the time she found the tiniest shred it was being shadowed by a nightmare of a girl.

She needed to be moving. She should be doing something to keep her mind away from Emily and the ruins that she was being forced to leave behind. Nothing good had come from the last few days. The girl she cared about was broken and she was on that path too. There was no way for her to protect what didn't belong to her in the first place.

That thought forced her to move again. She shifted and turned to grab her bag off the seat, dropping the keys inside and pulling the strap over her shoulder. A rustle on the seat beside her made her freeze. Her breath stopping short as her eyes fell on the paper with her writing. She snatched the check quickly and looked at it, letting her eyes fall on the top left corner. A sigh of sadness left her lips as pain ripped through her chest and her fingers ripped through the paper. Scattering all but one piece to the floor. Her cheeks burned as choked back the tightening of her throat.

Immediately she threw the door open and kicked it shut. Beginning a determined pace towards the tents. Most of them had fallen and that was a shame. She needed the distraction. She needed anything to take her mind off of the paper in her hand. In fact, she needed the paper out of her hand.

She dropped the last piece of the check, letting it blow to the ground as she pushed on. Any distraction would work. Something involving a hammer or heavy lifting to keep her thoughts away from the fact that she was leaving a piece of herself behind. Literally. The worst thing about that thought? The part that hurt the most? It was watching the piece of the check fall knowing that it contained their only link to each other and that Emily had left it behind. The typed phone number below her name. Information that she hadn't even realized she had given her. Emily probably didn't realize it either but that wasn't the point. It was the universe telling her that leaving was the right thing and that coming here had been wrong. She had no right touching Emily when she had missed out on everything that had hurt her.

She stopped in her tracks as the Big Top fell to the ground before her eyes, revealing the silhouettes of the Pennsylvania hills in the distance. Just shadows in the night. If your eyes didn't know they were there you'd never see them. You had to know exactly where to focus your eyes and they'd appear. Black outlines of rolling hills against a lighter black sky. She knew exactly where to find Emily. The big gray house on a quiet street. Even with knowing where she was didn't change that fact that she was unreachable. Just a shadow yet somehow Emily was still haloed in light.

Focus.

Her skin burned as her body staggered. Even though she wasn't moving the ground below her had other plans. She had to counter the movement with her own careful steps. The ground had never really been moving beneath her feet before. Not until now. Not until her.

Picking up a hammer from a tool box on the ground she walked the perimeter of the collapsed canvas, knocking the steel stakes from the ground. It took strength. They weren't the average ones used for camping and they had to be hit from all angles to loosen them from the packed dirt. It's a job usually left to the men because they were driven two feet into the ground and each one took a few minutes to get out. Luckily she was having an easy time channeling her strength at the moment, or what was left of it. The only thing that seemed to erase Emily from her mind was the vibration through her arm as the hammer hit metal.

* * *

"Emily?"

She opened her eyes slowly. There was a tightness around them from the dried tears and a slight stiffness from the wood of the banister digging into her back, but no pain where there should be. She hadn't fallen asleep, she had simply stopped feeling. An empty shell of the person she used to be without a reason to pick herself up. Her mind so numb that the only thing she saw was the darkness of the stairwell. The only thing she heard was the deafening silence. Like being surrounded and held under a body of black water. Not needing to breathe because the natural craving for oxygen had vanished. She was suspended in nothingness. No feeling or thoughts...no pain. She couldn't feel sad or scared, and certainly not happy. She could remember enough to know that she had done nothing that entitled her to any of those feelings. She felt every sense of the word 'nothing'.

She didn't feel hot or cold, though slight movement in the air around her told her that something had changed. A tingle of air against her skin but an inability to react to it. Her body was heavy. Locked in place like the nights when you rest so uneasily on the edge of sleep, just knowing that any moment that feeling of falling will surface and startle you awake. There's nothing you can do to keep it from happening because you delude yourself into thinking that maybe this time will be different. Maybe this time you'll be allowed to sleep without the anxiety and possibility of falling. Maybe this time you'll be spared and be finally able to rest peacefully. But then you fall again.

"Emily?"

Pay attention, Emily. Things are changing around you and nothing will be the same anymore.

She swallowed weakly. It should hurt, but it didn't. She hadn't moved in so long. Hours, judging by the way the moonlight was two feet higher on the wall. What difference does time make when you're drowning? On any other day it would mean everything. Seconds could mean the difference between life and death. But time meant nothing now. It was lost. Evident in the way she barely noticed the rise and fall of her own chest, or the brush of warmth across her arm. Someone was touching her. So close to waking up. Focus Emily, you can't forget. Another voice beside her and another brush of warmth against her arm. Warm...not hot.

Heat...

Wake up Emily. The heat of velvet replacing her shiver from being cold. Heat moving across her back to soothe the wrenching of her stomach. Heat around her waist leading her home. Heat touching her cheek and grabbing her hand.

"Emily?" Hanna whispered, sliding to the stair beside her. She knew the voice but she couldn't see her face.

Her eyes squeezed tightly shut as her tears poured over. Feeling snapping back into her body all at once. Overwhelming and strong. A desperate realization. A fire in her throat and a stabbing in her stomach. The chill against her skin and the wood floor beneath her. A painful cry sounding from someone nearby...from her.

Hanna moved and wrapped her arms around her, holding her close. In all the years that she had been in her life it had been six years since Hanna had seen her cry like this. One or two tears out of frustration didn't compare to the sound leaving her throat or the caving of her shoulders against the railing. The concern in Hanna's eyes reflected the image of herself broken on the stairs.

"Em, its okay." She soothed, rubbing her hand across her back. The only thing she could think of was how her hands weren't warm enough. Not as warm as... "What happened?" Hanna asked, pulling away to look at her for an answer.

She choked on the air trying to work its way into her lungs. Sobs that were forcing air out but not allowing it in. The words just wouldn't come. She wrapped her arms across her chest and leaned into her bent knees in an upright fetal position, trying to hold pieces of herself together but failing as she watched them fall to the cold floor. She tried working herself into slower breaths but the first wave of air to hit her lungs made time stand still. A scent acting as fire in her throat and silencing her body. Freezing the cry in her throat and forcing her to hold her breath to stop the burn.

Heat from the vent in an old black truck that was heavily perfumed by...

She gasped and choked again, pulling away from Hanna and using the banister to pull herself up. Her legs shaking beneath her body as she moved up the stairs. Hanna reached for her but she pulled away, focusing carefully on the steps she needed to take on her own. The scent needed to leave her body. Her life was a mess because she had made it that way. Nobody else was responsible for her. Not Maya or Ali. Not Spencer or her parents or Aria. Not Hanna or Ember and certainly not...

You're almost there Emily... remember.

* * *

Her vision shifted around her. Various shapes and sizes of different people. Pulling canvas into piles and stacking crates. It was like one of those music videos where traffic blurred into a fast forwarded time-lapse and created a solid stream of light. Imagine a busy downtown district full of cars and lights and people. Now speed it up. Everything was running together and flashing by around her as she worked. Coming closer and then bleeding away into nothing.

Her legs were numb from the two hours of moving. A dull ache in her arms proving that at least she was still alive. That had to count for something. Or maybe it didn't. So many times since she had been here her breath had been lost. Ripped from her lungs without her consent. And now it felt good to be panting, and feeling the oxygen filling her lungs quickly. Expanding strongly in her chest.

Spotlights stood high off the ground. Casting enough light for everyone to see what they were doing. Safety first of course. The area around her was slowly returning to it original grassy field. She had paused to watch the strands of glass bulbs being wrapped into a tight coil and the deep red of the tent being folding in on itself. The bales of hay carried back to car 13 and the black truck being driven onto the ramp of car 16. The last one on the train. She always found that ironic because it was the last year she had spent in Rosewood. It seemed fitting that the train would end on the same number as the year her life had changed. Started over, so to speak.

Oh how far she had come since that day. She had thought about that outside of the bar. About how much she had grown. It was right in that moment and it made sense because she thought it was the truth. At least in her delusional world that she had created for herself. She should have known better than to believe it could stay that way. It all changed the second Emily walked out that door and she realized how lost she was. Seeing her pain undid everything inside her that thought she was strong enough to come back here. Her resolve was shattered instantly when she watched the flying pieces of trash hit the ground around Emily's feet.

Sighing she dropped the hammer into a tool box and grabbing a bottle of water. The work had done a lot to distract her body but not to ease her mind. The only solace she found was that hopefully Emily would be sleeping peacefully as the train pulled down the tracks. Judging from the amount left to do. There was still a good two hours of work ahead of them if they took their time and she didn't intend to. Still there was time for a few more things before her body fell from exhaustion.

The walk back to the train was slower than she wanted but she was tired and each step pushed her further into the ground. Pretty much everything she was physically capable of doing was done. The only remaining things had to be done by the heavier lifters and it would take some time. She threw open the hatch to the train and climbed up, turning left down her familiar hallway and slipping into her bedroom. She pulled her radio from the belt of her black pants and unfastened the button on her white shirt. Well, it used to be white. Maybe jumping from Hanna's car would have been okay after all. Not like it would have damaged the white cotton anymore than it was now. Grass stains, grease stains and dirt. Also some butter from the bag of popcorn she had taken time to shovel in her mouth on her thirty-second break. It was odd that there were stains on her shirt from that though because she didn't recall using her hands at all. She tossed her clothing to the red carpet, ignoring the desire to pull the contract out of the back pocket to see the swirl in Emily's writing.

She turned her back to the pile and opened the small bathroom door. It was bigger than you'd think because the vanity stood outside of the bathroom door and gave extra space to already tight quarters. It was better to take a shower now because try to take one while moving could be tricky. Nothing crazy as far as bumps or sharp turns, but just unsettling. Like the floor was shifting beneath you. Not much fun when naked and soapy and standing in a porcelain tub. What was more unsettling was how she had trained herself to only focus only on the task at hand. A step by step process. Turn water on. Wait. Step in shower. Apply soap. Rinse. Don't listen to the voices in your head telling you that you're fucking things up. Don't listen to the voice telling you to sign this entire business over to someone else. Forget about doing the one thing you really want to do. Pass it off as impulsive behavior, something you used to be good at anyways. It should come naturally by now. Ignore the memory of Emily laughing. Ignore her sadness.

Yeah, that last one was the worst.

She stayed in the hot water until her body began to relax. The steam soothing the tension in her head and the dryness of her throat. Relaxing her sore muscles and clearing fog from her mind. And then the water turned to ice and all of those things came right back. Progress undone so quickly. She wrapped herself in a towel, red, seriously telling herself that she needed to change the color scheme on the train because red was now only reminding her of her jacket on Emily's shoulders. It suited her better. The color red...and sadly the jacket too. Maybe blue would be better for... No, not blue. Every color could find a way to remind her of Emily. Like the moonlight on raven hair or the rich wood on the walls that seemed to be burning into her like the warm brown of her eyes.

Goosebumps rose across her skin as the cooler air in her room mixed with the steam from the bathroom. She dried quickly and slipped into a pair of clean jeans, hugging tightly down her legs. She had a lot of jeans that fit this way because she was always wearing her boots. She slipped them on and pulled the zipper up her calf, then pulled her favorite deep blue v-neck t-shirt from a hanger. Her fingers brushed lightly against the crushed velvet, lingering too long.

"Paige?" A knock sounded at the door.

She pulled the shirt over her head and closed the closet then quickly grabbed a hair tie from the vanity counter, biting it between her teeth on her way to the door. Peter was leaning against the wall on the otherside of the hall, a narrow two feet in width.

"Whathsup?" She mumbled. I lisp-like sound to her words because of the band that she held with her mouth. She began bunching her damp hair back into a sloppy pony-tail has he watched her in amusement for a moment. She raised her eyebrows impatiently before he started.

"You left your bag in the truck." He said, setting it by her feet. "They're finishing up out there and should be done in the next thirty minutes or so. Are you gonna hit the books?"

She pulled the tie from her teeth and wrapped it tightly around her hair. "Yeah just about to. Is that all that's left?"

"Uh, no we're still waiting on refueling and water so that might add another hour." She shook her head fervently.

"No, we should have enough of both to get to Charleston, right?" Peter just nodded in agreement. "Then we can get everything we need when we get there." Peter straightened himself off the wall.

"Yeah, okay. First things first though...hit the books." He smiled, turning down the hallway.

"You're supposed to be helpful!" She shouted. "Why can't you take half?"

He turned and started a backwards pace. "I have to go call and cancel the service trucks. And besides, It's your acount Boss"

"You can have it!" Her words left her mouth without thinking. Peter was already through the door but it was too late because the damage had been done in her mind and anger was hovering to closely to her body.

She groaned in frustration, grabbing her radio and clipping it to her back pocket then bending to pick up her bag from the floor before leaving the room. The commons car was directly behind hers and as she approached the door she could hear the banter being shouted between everyone. Step by step.

"McCullers!" They shouted as she entered.

They all sat around various tables and couches that lined the walls near the windows. Think of a classy Victorian parlor with mahogany furnishings and just touches of western from the rustic leather sofas. A bar in one corner and a pool table in another. It wasn't used often. The pool table, not the bar. The bar was used daily. The table on the other hand sat a little close to the wall which made shooting tricky and everyone was so practiced that games were over too quickly. There was no challenge.

The group on the train wasn't as big as you'd think. Mostly performers and trainers and only a few workers. There were a good fifty workers outside yet only a few belonged to the team. All of the others were enlisted ahead of time from whatever town they would be stopping in. Kind of like a seasonal job. They'd come out and work for a few days, get paid and get left behind. It made for a more comfortable living environment in the already cramped quarters and saved money by not having to pay workers to sit on the train and not work. Every town also offered new talent that would line up just to play some small part in the show. An extra clown or mime or a vender at a table. Very rarely would a permanent performer be found. In fact the last and only time that it had happened since she had been apart of this...was 5 years ago. Mary.

There were thirty people on the train that were Show-related. Ten of which were simply fillers for an act, extras so to speak. There was also five people who were for train purposes only. Engineers and maintenance. Gatherings in the Commons Car where rowdy but mostly only after shows. Days traveling were usually spent sleeping but every now and then there would be a late night rumble in the kitchen over sugar or a dart competition that would send everyone dropping to the floor to avoid getting impaled.

"Victory shot!" Mary shouted, sliding a shot glass across the table. "Another town without incident." Everyone else cheered and clapped.

Her eyes locked with Peter's and at least he seemed to understand. He was the only one with a solemn look about him. Giving her a soft encouraging smile. Without incident...if they only knew.

Mary was one of three burlesque women. Faye and Sadie were the other two and they were often found chattering to each other excitedly about how they could improve their costumes. Mary on the other hand was tough on her own. She could hold liquor better than everyone on board and take down any one of them anytime. She joined 5 years ago at 25 when they had stopped in Albany and she had been her very own personal discovery. Mary was pure talent. All of the girls were. They could move their bodies in ways that were completely unnatural for even the above average person. Combine that with their voices and they became sirens beckoning men. Anyone that laid eyes on her would automatically be drawn to her...obvious assets, but they'd be missing out on her other traits. She's beautiful. A tall frame full of curves. Rich brown hair that flowed down her back and ice blue eyes. Unfortunately she was a fan of hugs once she had enough alcohol in her system. Hugs that often turned into choke holds. She was pretty sure, judging by the thin walls on the train, that Mary put on her fair share of private shows also.

She grabbed the glass from the table, weighing it heavily with her eyes. It was tradition before leaving a town that she christened their departure and often one shot turned into two which turned into waking up the next morning on top of the pool table in a pile of drool. Work wasn't done for her tonight though so it would have to be just the one. She shot it back quickly, vodka burning her throat.

"Amen!" Mary smiled, pouring a round for everyone else and sliding glasses across the table.

"Good shows guys!" She smiled, pushing through another door and leaving the party behind. The same red carpet and wooden walls. Three rooms on the left side and windows to the right. The first door was where she was headed and inside was a small office with a large wooden desk and filing cabinets. She grabbed her keys from her bag and unlocked the door, closing it behind her then flipping on a small lamp on the desk and dropping heavily into the upholstered chair.

She could still hear workers moving things around outside and she could feel the vibrations through the train as crates were loaded into the end cars. Using her key to unlock one of the drawers she pulled out a large black binder and a pen. Her logs for every person that had showed up to work for the last few days and a business sheet of checks. The one she had given Emily was personal. She shook her head lightly and began filling them out one by one as she went down the list of names. The payout amount ranging high three digits to lower four digits for two days of work. It was nonexistent at this point for her to ever have to worry about those numbers. Even without inheritance from four family members the show paid for itself entirely with enough left over at the end of the year to buy several large homes. Over time and with each passing year the total would slowly rack up. It was another reason why she didn't hesitated to write Emily a check. There was no boundary to what she would have paid for Ember. He was Emily's.

After the checks had been filled out, all 46 of them, they were torn from the binder before she locked it back inside the drawer. Glancing at the world clock on the wall. The pacific time read just after 2 am. Emily had been home safe for over three hours and she was probably sleeping soundly. She would probably be lost completely in the unlimited possibilities of her mind as the train pulled away, leaving Rosewood behind. She pulled the pony-tail from her hair and loosened the long waves between her fingers. Separating the curls and relieving some of the tension. Her head hurt all of a sudden.

She swallowed back the trapped air in her throat and gathered the checks, leaving the room and locking the door behind her. Peter talking on his phone in the Commons Car. He looked up as she approached, taking the checks off of her hands and standing up to deliver them.

She passed Mary and the others, now dealing cards across the table and placing bets on articles of clothing. Most were already missing jackets and shoes, several were down to just their pants. Mary on the other hand had managed to gain a sweater around her shoulders and a newspaper boy hat that sat lopsided on her head. Such a hustler for someone who detested clothing in general.

Once she pushed through the door into her quiet hallway she tried to focus on easy breaths. It was hard, impossible even. As long as the train continued to sit still on the tracks an uneasiness in her stomach would continue to weigh her down. The sadness and the loss for a person that she never had.

She stopped by her door hesitantly. A pulling at her body to look at the horse carving on the wall. She inched closer, tracing her finger over it lightly where Emily had touched earlier. Maybe if she looked close enough she could find a fingerprint or catch a whiff of her skin. Nothing was there. Just the warm colored wood that was cold beneath her fingertips. She stared at the crown and feather on the stallion's head for a moment then dropped her hand. Turning her body around and heading away from her room, towards the back of the train.

* * *

She flipped on the light in her bedroom and opened the top drawer of her dresser. Pulling out clean shorts and a tank top. Hanna was right behind her. Glancing at her nightstand clock she learned that she had been on the stairs for almost three hours and yet she coulnd't remember a second of it. It was just after 2 am now and her body ached from being cold and tired. The scent on her dress felt like fire in her lungs and it very well could have been. It hurt just the same.

"Em, talk to me." Hanna pleaded.

She froze and looked sheepishly down, avoiding Hanna's prying eyes.

"It's been a long day, Hanna. I'm cold and I'm tired and I just want to take a shower and go to bed." Hanna sighed and shook her head.

"Don't lie to me Emily. I'm not as dense as you think I am and contrary to popular belief, hair color is not always a factor."

"I don't want to talk about it okay? Not tonight and maybe not ever."

"Did she..." Hanna started. Pain cut through her body. An endless cycle picking at her flesh and rubbing salt into new wounds. The scent brought the image of a face and the image brought...pain. It was whole new level of hurt.

You're so close. Don't forget the details. They aren't small. Her mind became detached completely as numbness worked through her veins again. Details Emily...details.

"She drove me home. She didn't try anything. She wasn't rude and she didn't over step boundaries. Just drop it." Her voice sounded foreign now. Distant and empty. Her body became agitated as the burning in her throat raged on. She didn't want to stand here and listen to Hanna point fingers of blame at someone who had done nothing wrong. If Hanna wanted to be mad at anyone it should be her, not...

She turned towards the bathroom with clean clothes in her hands.

"Em, that's not what I was gonna say!"

Hanna's voice was cut off by the slamming of the bathroom door and the clicking of the lock.

This shouldn't hurt so much. This nameless face played such a vague role in her past and she had only been near her for one day. None of it made sense and at the same time it all felt right. Maybe it was just because she had been alone for so many years and the attention was a fresh change.

No, even that made no sense. There had been girls before over the last several years that had attempted to pay attention to her but they had been faded and blurry in the distance. Moving in a fast pace around her while she remained frozen in place. The way movies show a girl sitting at the bar alone. Drowning in a ringing silence as everyone around her continued to move forward. Finally giving up the hope that she would smile back.

She turned on the shower and stripped her body of the dress, stepping under the stream of hot water. At least she assumed by the steam in the air that it was hot because she couldn't really feel it. Musk reached her nose, floral and spice, caving her lungs and buckling her knees beneath her. Making her arms brace against the tile wall as she fell weakly to the cold porcelain. Falling twice today was enough, but three times? First with Ember in the stables, then on the stairs from the fading of the truck in the distance and the plain emptiness of being alone. Now this...this was...all of the details surrounding that truck driving away. The stairs and this moment were caused by the same truth and her mind was failing to protect her from it because of that scent.

There was no separating the heat of her tears from the hot water. There was no barrier and there was no break from the onslaught this time. There was no morphine from her mind to coat the searing in her veins and no way to slow her breathing. The air slammed hard from her chest like a wall smashing into her stomach. Breaking every bone in her body in the process and forcing her down. She was raw and exposed. Torn open completely by the scent being washing down the drain. She prayed for the numbness to return to her body. To cloud her mind and paralyze her again. The hours on the stairs seemed like a dream compared to this. It had been her mind's way of shutting down completely and protecting herself from the pain. She wanted that to happen now because she could feel absolutely everything. She couldn't stop the images from lingering before her eyes. It was like a projector casting pictures on the tile wall and bringing out everything she had felt in that moment. Finally every detail of the truth she was refusing to see.

Paige.

Paige leaning into her to look at the circus flyer in her hands and the challenge in her soft voice: Breathless.

The waitress of the bar brushing her fingers across the heat she knew to be Paige's hand: Jealousy.

Watching Paige smile as she walked away from her porch and faded into the night: Hope.

The moment the spotlight appeared above Paige's head and lit up the glow of her skin: Desire.

How Paige stilled the shaking of her hands and knew exactly what she was asking of her without the need for words: Trust.

When Paige touched Ember and he followed without doubt: Peace.

The tensing of Paige's body as she stepped between her and an angry man: Safe.

Paige's red velvet jacket around her shoulders: Home.

Paige watching for every reaction and tentatively seeking out every feeling: That was the most important one of all. There wasn't a word good enough for that.

Everything was there. Clear and bold and as she replayed the moments in her head the pain numbed from her body. The hurt disappeared and the tears slowed. A second of clarity before panic ripped through her body and forced her back to her feet. She shut off the water and wrapped a towel around her body, throwing open the bathroom door and stopping in her tracks as she took in what Hanna was doing. Confusion and knowledge at the same time.

"Han, what are you doing?" She asked weakly, taking in the sight on her bed.

"I'm going home, Em." She replied firmly, throwing clothes into her suitcase on the bed. "And you're going too." Her eyes were fierce and demanding.

Hanna knew more than she gave her credit for. Part of her wanted to continue to deny this truth and this decision but she couldn't anymore. She knew Hanna's plan for both of them even without her saying it. It was inevitable.

* * *

The door next to the office was unlocked and she slipped inside quietly, closing the door shut behind her and flipping on the light. Colors covered every wall with floor to ceiling racks showcasing costumes and gowns. Everything from leather to lace in every color imaginable. Bright indigo and emerald green, encrusted with sequins and diamonds. Sparkling glitters that refracted the light and casts rainbows on the walls. She shifted through boxes that lay stacked on the floor beneath the racks, pulling a smaller one out from the back and opening it up.

She reached her hand through the spools of different colored ribbon, retrieving a gold that shimmered with flecks of tiny crystal beading. Nothing was simple when it came to costume designs. Pretty much everything had some form of intricate detail even if it was slight. She pushed the box back and grabbed another, sliding off the lid and pulling out a handful of the color she was after, placing them carefully in her bag as she left the room. The hallway was still quiet with the sound of faint laughter from the party nearby. The further she walked towards the back of the train the more silent it became.

She passed through hallway after hallway of doors and carvings in the walls. First the kitchen and then the sleeping quarters for everyone else. The bedrooms were all the same size as hers and the only reason she was further to the front was to handle work and travel issues if they should arise. She needed to be accessible. Just another barrier between her and everyone else.

The next car she entered was the lounge. Deep purple replaced the red carpet and plush white velvet chaise chairs rested along the walls. It was one of her favorite rooms on the train because it was always empty and was also the last stop before the animals. The walls were the same rich wood halfway up and then turned into a deep purple woven wallpaper with carved crown molding along the ceiling. The space was open and bright during the day because of the larger windows draped in purple satin, though now it was only dimly lit by the crystal sconces on the walls. The silence in the room slowed her movement instantly as she pushed through the door into 12.

The light of the moon through the spaced windows reflected on the shiny steel walls, creating a blue light that bounced off particles of dust in the air and the black of his hair. It was warm and dry and as she watched Ember standing with his head bowed, sadness crept in. Pinching her lungs and stinging her eyes.

She swallowed hard and walked towards him slowly, careful not to startle him in any way. He shifted his weight slightly, acknowledging her presence as he lifted his head. She reached, letting her fingers slip lightly up his neck and into mane. He ducked his head, nudging into her shoulder as she ran her hand down his nose. He was so peaceful and warm and yet his eyes had a knowing look that told her that he was missing someone too. He was scared just like she was.

Dropping her hand to her side she stepped back, ignoring the burn in her eyes as she sat down on the straw floor. She pulled a small pocket knife from her bag and went to work with the gold ribbon. Cutting it in long strands and braiding it in on itself. Being careful to showcase the tiny glass beads as she twisted it into a long woven rope. Ember nudged her in the shoulder making her stop and look at him. His eyes were sad and pleading and she had to look away from him quickly to keep her blurry eyes under control. Focusing only on steps. Right ribbon over left ribbon over middle ribbon. He nudged her again. She wiped a stray tear from her cheek with her shoulder and continued the weakening movement of her fingers. Right over left over...

Ember shifted his weight and bent his front legs. Laying down lightly on the hay beside her. She froze and glanced at him. He was watching the her and the gold in her hands. She was too stunned by his actions to move just yet. Horses don't often lay down because they don't actually need to. Their legs lock while they stand to allow them to sleep without falling. But when they do lay down it can be a sign of illness or because they...

Tears fell steadily from her eyes now, clouding her vision completely as she leaned back into the steel wall for support. Letting her shoulders sink and her eyes fall closed. Trying her best to ignore the shaking in her hands.

...they lay down because they feel safe.

It took a few moments before her head was clear enough to open her eyes and even then it was a struggle when she looked at him still watching her sadly. Reining herself in she tied off the end of the braid then shifted herself up onto her knees. She reached lightly into his mane behind his ear and began braiding the gold into his hair, forming an intricate design of twists through the black silk and closing it off by wrapping the remaining ribbon into a tight knot at the end. She rested back onto her legs to look at her work. The gold caught the moonlight and sparkled against the black of his mane.

"I miss her too." She whispered, running her hand down his neck soothingly. She opened her bag and pulled out the final touches. Soft in her fingers and just the right shade. Gently she separated the coral feathers and worked them into the braid. Starting at the top and arranging them by size. Smaller and then getting bigger as she went. She tucked the biggest feather under the knot at the end and pulled her hands away to look at him again.

It was nothing as grand as the feather crown in the carving. It was detailed and simple at the same time. Effortlessly beautiful and flawless and impossible to look away from. Like Emily.

"I'm sorry its pink but something tells me that you like it too."

The engine started and vibrated the floor beneath them. Ember shot to his feet and she followed him immediately, stroking his neck to keep him calm and steady even though her own panic was ripping through her body just as much. She swallowed the tightness in her throat as the train lurched forward at a quick-growing pace. Anxiety at the idea of the ground moving. Something she always found solace in. Not this time.

The tracks screeched and she stumbled into Ember as the train slammed to a halt just as quickly as it had started moving. The loud sound of metal hitting metal as the car buckled into the one before it. She braced herself against the steel wall as her shoulder cracked hard into the metal from the force, struggling to keep her footing as the straw on the floor rolled beneath her feet. Her heart pounded and Ember stamped nervously but she managed to keep one hand on him. She found her balance quickly and soothed him while she reached for the radio clipped on her back pocket. The second her fingers wrapped around it a beep sounded from its speaker. She pressed the button in automatically to silence it and brought it to her lips.

"What the hell was that?" She snapped.

She didn't want to startle him any further so she stepped away from Ember and pulled open the heavy side door, leaning out to look towards the front of the train. It was too dark to see further than a few cars up so she had no chance of seeing the engine. She held in the button and brought the radio to her lips again.

"Peter if I give you a fucking radio it would be great if you could actually use it."

Static sounded and a voice called over the line. One of the engineers.

"Paige, we have a problem up here!" His voice was urgent.

"Okay, I'm heading up from 12."

She turned to Ember before jumping down. He looked calmer now and hopefully she wouldn't be gone long anyways. Her feet landed soundly on the loose gravel and she turned, pulling hard on the heavy door and slid it closed. Somehow the breeze felt warmer than before as it brushed across her arms, blowing her now dry waves off of her shoulders as she walked quickly. She ducked her head down by each car that she passed, looking underneath for anything that was unusual and checking each coupling for damage. Her mind puzzled and annoyed that there was an issue somewhere. Everything always ran so smoothly until they had stopped in Rosewood.

When she drew closer to the commons car something made her stop. Laughter was still coming from inside along with the cracking of pool of those things were normal, but the large shadow looming in front of the train was not. She squinted her eyes and picked up her pace into a steady jog. Her hair whipping around her face as the shadow grew closer and more clear. The shadow of a very familiar car bottomed out over the tracks and the ground that was completely torn apart.

Her heart stopped. Every feeling and every thought ripped from her at once. The ground was motionless beneath her feet and she heard nothing over the ringing in her ears. Nothing.

* * *

******"Take A Bow" Madonna **

******(now let me take a moment to share how i interpret this song. This has nothing to do with Emily. This is Paige talking to Paige. Her mind only. The only verse referring directly to Emily is "I've always been in Love with you." I'll never be able to listen to this song the same way again because it's so much deeper to me now.) {I do not own these lyrics but I love the new meaning in them.}**

Take a bow, the night is over

This masquerade is getting older

Light are low, the curtains down

There's no one here (There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd)

Say your lines but do you feel them

Do you mean what you say when there's no one around

Watching you, watching me

One lonely star (One lonely star you don't know who you are)

I've always been in love with you

I guess you've always known it's true

You took my love for granted, why oh why

The show is over, say good-bye  
Say good-bye, say good-bye

Make them laugh, it comes so easy

When you get to the part

Where you're breaking my heart

Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown

Wish you well, I cannot stay

You deserve an award for the role that you played

No more masquerade, you're one lonely star (One lonely star and you don't know who you are)

I've always been in love with you (always with you)

I guess you've always known it's true (you know it's true)

You took my love for granted, why oh why

The show is over, say good-bye Say good-bye, say good-bye

Say good-bye, say good-bye  
All the world is a stage

And everyone has their part

But how was I to know which way the story'd go

How was I to know you'd break (You'd break, you'd break, you'd break)

You'd break my heart

I've always been in love with you

Guess you've always known

You took my love for granted, why oh why

The show is over, say good-bye

Say good-bye, say good-bye

Say good-bye

**MIND OFFICIALLY BLOWN!**

* * *

**"Break Me" Jewel (I do not own these lyrics)**

I will meet you in some place

Where the light lends itself to soft repose

I will let you undress me

But I warn you I have thorns Like any rose

And you could hurt me with your bare hands

You could hurt me using the sharp end of what you say but

I am lost to you now

And there's no amount of reason to save me

So break me

Take me

Just let me

Feel your arms again

Break me

Take me

Just let me

Feel your love again

Feels like being underwater

Now that I've let go and lost control

Water kisses fill my mouth

Water fills my soul

So break me

Take me

Just let me

Feel your arms again

Break me

I'll let you make me

Just let me

Feel your love again

Kiss me once

Well, maybe twice

Oh, it never felt so nice

So break me

Take me

Just let me

Feel your love again

Break me

I'll let you

Oh, I'll let you make me

Just let me

Feel your arms again

Just let me

Feel your love again

* * *

**SONG CREDIT TO "3000 LIGHTYEARS AWAY" Grinehouse & Mica Javier.**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Thank you everyone for the amazing reviews. I love replying to them and being able to thank you all! I'm glad everyone was able to bear with me after the last chapter and I hope you can continue to do so after this one! Enjoy!**_

**Lyric Mention: Stranded *Plumb**

* * *

_When she drew closer to the commons car something made her stop. Laughter was still coming from inside along with the cracking of the pool table. All of those things were normal, but the large shadow looming in front of the train was not. She squinted her eyes and picked up her pace into a steady jog. Her hair whipping around her face as the shadow grew closer and became more clear. The shadow of a very familiar car bottomed out over the tracks and the ground that was completely torn apart. Her heart stopped. Every feeling and every thought ripped from her at once. The ground was motionless beneath her feet and she heard nothing over the ringing in her ears. Nothing._

Seconds ticked by. For all she knew it could have easily been hours. Like the ground was pushing her in reverse even though she pushed forward.

She saw Peter and a few of the maintenance guys crowding around the vehicle. They were blocking her and keeping her from seeing the scene. Her pulse hammered in her veins as she ran closer. A stabbing in her lungs and a heavy confusion in her mind...a fear. Yet even with those feelings she was somehow incapable pulling pieces together. Everything was moving slowly around her and keeping her from making sense of what was going on. None of it made sense.

As she got closer Peter turned, hearing her approach. His eyes were soft and hesitant, waiting for a reaction from her for whatever was happening. He stepped aside to make room and allowed her eyes to fall on Hanna's car laying over the tracks. She could see the tire marks in the grass leading up to them and the gravel was thrown from the ground exposing the wet dirt below. By how much the ground was destroyed it was easy to say that the car was going considerably fast before locking on the brakes. She swallowed hard as her hands began to shake, forcing herself to focus.

Focus.

Her eyes moved to find Hanna sitting on the hood and she looked okay. The pieces came together quickly when she became lost in the sight of the girl leaning on the car beside her.

Emily.

* * *

She watched Hanna continue to throw clothing in the suitcase. It took a few minutes for her to admit what was happening but she didn't fight it for a second. Hanna was her best friend and nothing had been lost on her. She found movement in her legs and walked back to the bathroom to trade the damp towel for the bra and underwear that she left in there during her panic. Then she walked to the closet and exchanged the flannel shorts she had picked for a pair of jeans and a white long sleeve thermal, slipping her tall stable boots over her feet.

She followed Hanna's lead silently and began pulling clothing from hangers. Shirts mostly and a few other things. Jeans from the top shelf. Her fingers brushed against crushed velvet and made her freeze, hesitating for a moment before she gripped the fabric tightly and pulled it from a hanger. A scarf, deep red and so soft. She ran her fingers over it lightly and draped it around her shoulders as she carried her armful of clothing to the bed and began packing them into the suitcase. Touching the velvet only made time more urgent and helped move her body faster. Hanna was silent and determined. It wasn't until three suitcases where packed that she spoke.

"Okay, well let's go." She smiled and grabbed a bag, moving towards the door.

"Hanna, I'm sorry about snapping at you..." She felt her eyes sting but her words were cut off by Hanna's arms wrapping around her. She returned the embrace, squeezing her tightly and burying her face in the familiar scent of strawberry in her hair. It had never changed over the years and neither had Hanna. She had always been there for her. Always constant.

Hanna pulled away to look at her. "You were right." She admitted. "I doubted her intentions for walking you home and I shouldn't have... so you have every right to think that I was gonna do it again."

She nodded lightly, accepting the sincerity without hesitation. "What were you gonna say...before?"

Hanna sighed. She looked defeated and that wasn't a normal for her. "I wanted to know if she had said anything to you, or.."

"Han, what do you think she would have said? I mean...if you weren't suggesting that she crossed a line or.."

Hanna sighed again. "In the car when you were riding and just took off like a crazy person, which by the way 'crazy' doesn't look good on you.."

She sighed impatiently. "And I can tell you honestly _right now_ that it doesn't look good on you either."

Hanna frowned. "I was trying to stay close and she told me that I should trust you more."

"Paige told you to stay back?" She asked, trying to clarify the thoughts in her head that were twisted together. When Hanna nodded they slowly began to unravel. She thought Hanna was trusting her and that Hanna knew what she was doing. It was Paige.

"Yeah, and then I asked if she liked you and her cheeks looked like that stupid sexy jacket but she wouldn't say it. She just told me to be there for you and I thought maybe she said something."

Flames were growing in her veins now, like a lit river of fuel snaking its way through her body. Paige hadn't told her anything. She was close while staying distant. Caring and cautious. When Paige said she needed to leave not one part of her doubted it was the truth and that's probably because it _was_ the truth. But maybe it was for other reasons. Maybe it ran deeper then just wanting to be out of this town.

"Can we go?" She breathed, trying to hide the sting in her eyes and the anxious shaking in her hands. She clenched her fists in her pockets but quickly pulled them back out. Paige did that.

Hanna's eyes glazed over but she nodded and choked it back, turning to grab the suitcase again. She followed her lead quickly, throwing her purse over her shoulder and grabbing the other two bags before carefully working her way down the stairs. She dropped the bags by the door and turned to the rest of the house. Quickly she walked down the hall, flipping the thermostat off on the wall and taking a moment to glance into the kitchen. All of the memories here of her mom cooking while she sat on the counter and nibbled on ingredients. Green bell peppers for spaghetti or chocolate chips for cookies. Those memories were so far away now. They didn't even seem to belong to her anymore.

She backed out of the kitchen and picked up the suitcases. Hanna was already loading the other into the trunk and after one last glance into the darkness of the house she closed the door and locked it behind her. She bent down and pulled the spare key from under a tight piece of molding beside the door, nearly forgetting that it was there. Hanna should have it. She turned from the door and walked down the stairs of the porch, sighing as the familiar creak sounded from the bottom step.

The night felt warmer and as she turned to look at the big grey house it felt unreal. All of the sudden it wasn't so familiar anymore. Just an empty house that could easily sit on any other street in any other town. Nothing hurt about seeing it and there was no pain in leaving it behind. It hadn't been home in so long.

Once she had loaded the suitcases in the car she slid into the passenger seat beside Hanna.

"They might be gone already." She mumbled, butterflies forming in her stomach and a trembling beneath her skin.

"Well, then we find out where they're going next." Hanna said surely.

"Charleston." It was automatic to leave her lips and she smiled lightly. Just a hint of pride and even more relief that she had asked Paige for that information.

"Nice!" Hanna nodded impressed. "I have that circus song on my iPod and we can play it on a loop!" She flipped on the headlights and backed out of the driveway, starting down the dark street. "But Em, can you promise me something?"

She nodded instantly. "Yeah of course." she breathed. The trembling in her body made her voice feel weak.

"This better not be like that 'we bought a zoo' shit. But you know...with a circus." She clarified. "Because I saw that movie and the damn tiger died." Hanna's eyes were so serious that it made her smile.

"First of all I don't have enough money to buy a circus or a zoo and I'm sure the tigers won't die just by me being around. At least I hope not." She smiled.

Hanna raised her eyes brows. "You laugh but if you distract a certain person and that certain person forgets to feed them.."

"Your reasoning in seriously questionable." She smiled.

Hanna rolled her eyes. "God, you even sound like her. Why does everyone think I'm questionable? You two hijacked a horse!"

"What do you mean I sound like her?" She studied Hanna, confused about what she was referring to. Then again there were many times when Hanna didn't make sense.

"Nothing."

She shook her head to clear it. Trying to make sense of what Hanna was saying. "Okay you're making no sense right now."

Hanna nodded her head like she was proving a point. "Just don't get the tigers killed. They already got bumped from the show for Paige's nude dance number and I don't think they'd survive if they starved to death."

"You're right, because they'd already be dead from starving to death." She shook her head and laughed at the direction of this conversation. If she didn't need Hanna to get her to their destination she would probably consider jumping from the car and sparing herself.

"And there's the witty sarcasm." Hanna mumbled.

Her skin flushed when she thought harder about what Hanna was saying. A blush on her cheeks and fire in her veins when she focused on how different she felt suddenly. How much stronger she felt. It was all about making the decision and once her mind was made up...everything shifted. Everything became clear. Full of clean lines and bright colors of reds and blues. No more shadows or feelings of emptiness. Paige made her feel like that. Paige made her feel stronger and now everything Hanna was saying was right. She was changed by this girl in such a short amount of time and it was scary and liberating. She ran her fingers across the velvet around her neck. Beautiful and bold against the white of her shirt.

"Hell yes!" Hanna shouted, slapping her hand on the steering wheel and snapping her from her thoughts. She looked at Hanna curiously.

"What?" She asked, scooting up in her seat.

They were approaching the fairgrounds and Hanna was pointing her finger to the windshield. She squinted her eyes and looked ahead of them. It was barely visible in the darkness but definitely there. The moonlight was reflecting off the steel of the train in the distance. Her heart raced and the shaking in her body increased. So did the butterflies in her stomach. She was so close.

She pulled her seat belt off as Hanna approached a parking space in the lot, immediately putting it back on when the car failed to slow down and missed the space completely.

"What are you doing?" She snapped. Hanna pressed the gas pedal to the floor with a loud thud.

The car skidded slightly as the pavement changed into field. The tires trying to grip the ground but it was difficult from the high-speed.

"Hanna!" She snapped.

"What? Do you want to park? Hold hands and skip over singing show tunes? Because I promise you that you'll be watching the train leave before we're even halfway across this field."

She watched the speedometer climb higher, adrenaline coursing through her body and clearly through Hanna as well judging by the smile on her lips.

"Are you crazy?"

Steam pillowed from the engine now as the car closed in. Only a hundred yards away.

"Hanna stop!" She shouted, eyeing the emergency brake in the center console.

Hanna ignored her, steering towards the tracks in front of train. The ground softened beneath the tires as she skidded into the gravel. She braced herself as the train lurched forward just as the tires plowed over the steel rails. Hanna locked on the brakes hard and her eyes slammed shut as the sound of screeching metal sounded from the train sending vibration through the car.

Everything went silent.

"Holy shit!" Hanna panted

She opened her eyes slowly. The butterflies in her stomach had flown coop, probably to safety and away from the possibility of being pulverized by a train. The shaking in her body had increased tenfold though and the air leaving her lungs was ragged as she looked at Hanna and the train stopped three feet from her door.

"You should not be driving!" She yelled.

"Yeah circus girl already pointed that out too!" Hanna shot back.

She groaned and pulled her seatbelt off, throwing open the door and climbing out. Hanna followed immediately.

"What the hell was you're back up plan?" She shouted, glaring at Hanna over the roof of the car.

Hanna slammed her door and shrugged her shoulders.

"Gap insurance!" She retorted, shaking her head like it should be obvious.

Of course Hanna's back up plan would be the destruction of her Prius. It was the third one she'd been through in seven years.

"You know you should _really_ look into getting a Hummer."

"Ew no! Do you want me to kill the planet?" Hanna shook her head in disgust.

"No, I don't want you to kill us!" she clarified. "Look at the grass Hanna, your car already killed part of the planet!"

Hanna squinted her eyes in the darkness as she looked at the grass torn from the ground. "Damn, its supposed to environmentally friendly." Hanna pouted.

"It is! You're not!" She shot back slamming the car door.

"What the hell are you guys doing? Do you have a death wish?"

They jumped and turned to see a large grisly of a man climbing down from the engine side rail, followed by three others. The only light they had was emitting from the headlights of the car. As her eyes adjusted she recognized one of the men as Peter. The other two where possibly workers for the train judging by their coveralls and tool belts. She swallowed hard as they approached and not because she was intimidated or scared. Well, maybe scared but only because it was sinking in that Paige was nearby. Her eyes darted around behind the men, hoping to see her appear but also afraid that this was just another bad idea. Worried that she would be upset by the stunt they had just pulled.

"What are you doing?" the man snapped again

Hanna sighed and started ticking off a list on her fingers. "I decided this would be the perfect spot to bird watch. I wanted to drag race a train. I would _love_ a new car, and apparently I'm a bad driver!" Hanna hardened her eyes, sliding on to the hood.

They looked at her in confusion for a few seconds, except Peter. Peter's eyes were only on her. His attention wasn't even phased by Hanna. He was amused yes, but something about him also seemed relieved, and he stayed quietly watching.

"You need to get your car out of here, we're running late already." The engineer snapped.

"Then moved it!" Hanna urged, crossing her arms over her chest and making herself comfortable.

She walked around the car to Hanna's side and leaned on the car beside her. Her nerves a jumbled wreck in her stomach but the least she could do was put on a brave front.

The man turned to Peter for backup, but he was still watching her, with a slight smile tugging at his lips.

"Can you call McCullers and get her up here?" The engineer asked. Peter shook his head firmly but smiled as the radio in his back pocket began to beep.

"Looks like she's already ahead of you." Peter smiled, handing his radio to the engineer. "And I'm not touching this one."

Her breath hitched as she heard snippets of Paige's voice break through the speaker. She couldn't make out the words but the tone of her voice didn't sound happy.

"Paige, we have a problem up here!" The engineer's voice was irritated and pressing. Static sounded for a second.

"Okay, I'm heading up from 12." A voice answered through the speaker.

Her pulse hammered. She heard the words that time. Blood racing through her body from hearing her voice and her palms began to sweat. Something else though too. A warmth across her skin and pulling at her chest when she heard Paige say where she was. She was with Ember.

Hanna picked at the purple nail polish on her nails as they stood silently by. A standoff between them as nobody made a move to backdown. She looked at Hanna who seemed perfectly content to stay there indefinitely, then she looked to Peter who had his arms crossed and relaxed over his chest, kicking his foot lightly into the gravel. She watched as he turned to look behind him, hearing footsteps approaching quickly. He stepped aside to make room and her whole body tensed. Her breathing stopped completely as Paige ran up beside him.

The panting of her chest and pink of her cheeks. Her long waves whipped from her shoulders. The silence was deafening as she took in the scene, starting with the tire tracks on the ground. She watched the worry pass through her eyes and a knife stabbed into her when she saw fear and pain surface. Paige's eyes glided slowly over the car, moving closer, searching for something. So many emotions flickering in her eyes that it was heart wrenching to watch yet she couldn't bring herself to move or speak. Her body weighed her down and pressed her into the hood of the car. Everything stopped and changed the instant Paige finally found her. The fear was gone and replaced by the exhale of her lungs and a relief in her eyes. Seconds ticked by slowly.

* * *

Emily was here. Everything clicked in her mind as she saw the desperation in Emily's eyes. Everything made sense and yet she couldn't wrap her mind around it because at the same time...none of it made sense. Everything she was seeing was conflicting so quickly with what she knew to be logical. Emily wasn't supposed to be here. She was supposed to be safe at home sleeping and dreaming and moving on. Focusing on doing what she needed to do to regain control of her life...but not here.

She swallowed the dryness in throat and turned to Peter. "Can you give us a minute?" He nodded and called the other guys back as she looked at Hanna now. "Hanna, do you still want to see the tigers?"

Her face lit up as she squealed and jumped from the hood of the car. "Hell yeah!"

Peter waited patiently for her to catch up to his side as Hanna gave him a sideways glance.

"I have a stun gun in my purse, just so you know." She smiled.

He nodded and turned back to roll his eyes. Giving her a silent sarcastic 'thank you' before leading Hanna away.

She kept her distance from Emily until they were left in silence and even then it took a moment for her to find movement and words, but their eyes never left each other.

"Emily, what are you doing?" She breathed.

Her voice may have been too soft for her to even hear but when her eyes melted at her words she knew exactly what Emily was thinking. She was being flooded from the inside out with overwhelming feelings that continued to collide in a battle for dominance. The step by step plan wasn't working anymore. It failed her the second Ember had nudged her shoulder and if she was being honest with herself it had failed her the second she saw Emily standing outside of the bar with her picture in her hands. The pain she felt when she was forced to drive away from her and knowing that she wasn't really ever planning on coming back. She had cemented that decision the second she had opened the truck door on her own. It was innocent but it was a reminder that she wasn't needed here.

Emily stepped forward, closing the gap. Her hands were trembling slightly and her first instinct was to reach out and calm them like she had before. She shoved her hands into her front pockets instead as she waited for Emily to speak. She seemed to be chosing her words carefully for a moment until they finally started pouring out like an open flood gate.

"When I saw your picture on the flyer I recognized you. I didn't know you when you lived here and for some reason I felt like I should have. Like I missed out on knowing you. Everyone around you in the bar was happy to be around you and it was so easy to see why. You were worried about me enough to voice your concerns to Hanna and you don't even really know me. You took Ember for me without hesitating. You knew what I needed without having to ask and you made me smile and laugh and those are things I haven't done in a really long time."

Emily's eyes glistened and her voice was struggling to fight back the tears. Refusing to grant them permission to fall. A fierceness and determination in her eyes that was like nothing she had seen there before. Something had changed in her. Something strong and ground breaking in her life. She was still lost but the change in her made every difference. Like she was holding a flashlight now as she worked her way through the dark. Emily couldn't see where she was going before but she could now and as her voice became more urgent she moved closer to the mystery of what had given her strength again.

"I've fallen apart. My life is a mess and I thought it couldn't get worse. I thought it couldn't get worse than giving away the only happiness I have left. I've watched friends move on without me, I've watched my family move on and I've lost people that I love... but giving him away was hard because he's the only thing that has held me together after all of it. And then after you dropped me off it hit me that he was gone. It didn't hurt as much as I expected it to because I knew he would be okay with you. It didn't hurt because I trust you to take care of him. It hurt more knowing that he would get to be around you and I wouldn't."

She reached then, grabbing Emily's hand to still the shaking but all too quickly she pulled away. A fight raging within her as she watched Emily change before her eyes. She didn't see Emily leaning into her as she walked her home. She didn't see her sitting broken beside her on a bale of hay. She saw a glimpse of her standing on her own.

"The only thing I know, the only thing I'm sure of is that I want to be around you. I don't know what it means or anything past right now but for the first time in six years...I really want something." Emily took a deep breath, hugging her arms around her chest as she looked at her, waiting.

"Okay." She breathed.

Just Emily being here was surreal. Learning that she was responsible for being the person to help pull Emily back to her feet, even unintentionally, was something all on its own. She thought she'd hurt Emily by coming back here but in reality she had given her a reason to save herself and just hearing her say it made her decision come easily. Peter was more than fit to take over from here on out, and it had crossed her mind before.

"I'll stay." She added, keeping her hands away from Emily this time and watching as her eyes changed. They lost their strength and luster immediately.

"No." Emily said lightly, shaking her head. "No that's not what I'm asking."

"Emily, you asked me if I liked all of this. I do. I'm completely loyal to it but if you want me..."

"I want to come with you." Emily breathed. "I can't keep Ember here and I can't send him away if you're not there. I also can't let you just leave so please, you have to let me come with you."

* * *

She waited as Paige's head tilted back, her eyes looking to the dark sky. She knew the second her mind had unlocked and forced the images of Paige in front of her eyes that something was going to change. Something already had changed she had just been trying to stifle it. And the moment she saw Hanna packing she realized that she hadn't been fooling anyone but herself. She shifted her eyes to the ground, digging her boot lightly into wood beam of the track, counting each beat of her heart that sounded loudly in her ears as minutes passed too slowly.

"We should go check on Hanna." Paige whispered. She looked up to see that her eyes were back studying her face. Her head spun uneasily from the change of subject. It was disheartening and confusing and knocked the air from her lungs. She swallowed hard and nodded.

"What about the car?" She asked. Paige looked at it and smiled lightly.

"I already told Hanna she shouldn't be driving. I'll have the guys push it back." Paige turned slightly and waited for her to follow, allowing a slow pace beside her as they walked down the side of the tracks past the engine and the car she remembered to house Paige's room. Laughter began filtering through the windows of the next car and Paige stopped quickly by the door. Listening.

"Oh great." She sighed. A flicker of amusement buried deep under a layer hesitancy.

"What?" She asked, looking between Paige and the car door.

"You'll see." Paige smiled, pulling open the door and holding it for her. The gesture made her heart race after having denied it the last time.

She grabbed the bar and pulled herself up. Paige was right behind her and she couldn't help but feel disappointed when she didn't touch her. A nagging of confusion pulling her in different directions. She knew what she wanted but she didn't stop to think that maybe it wasn't the same thing Paige wanted. She pushed it back though because all that mattered was that she knew. It didn't matter because once that decision had been made in her mind it couldn't be ignored. She wouldn't let is disappear and she couldn't go back to what her life had been for the last six years because her life had been the epitome of nothing.

Those thoughts vanished quickly as she turned a corner into a room that looked like a common area. Plush leather couches, a bar and tables. She recognized Peter again sitting on a couch talking with a guy that instantly pushed her mind back to the night at the bar. He had the same tight black shirt and a giant snack tattoo running down the length of his arm and a series of others that she couldn't make out. Not an alcohol induced illusion, still quite possibly a life long regret.

The room was crowded but a familiar voice caught her attention and held it instantly.

"Seriously, I'm gonna need those back!"

She followed the voice to a large crowded table and spotted Hanna with a handful of cards. It took a moment for her to realize what was going on but it clicked quickly as Paige edged around her with a smirk on her lips. She watched her walk over to Peter and hunch down to talk to him before she brought her eyes back to Hanna. Her jacket was missing and she had just handed over her heels to a girl wearing only tight jeans and a satin violet bra that was barely holding in her...

"Uh, Hanna?" She called, walking to her side. Hanna looked up from her cards grinning.

"Emily! Hey pull up a seat I'm winning so far because I joined in the middle of a game!" She bounced proudly in her seat. "Don't look under the table though because some of them already lost." Hanna made a pouty face.

"I thought you were going to see the tigers?" She asked, keeping her eyes carefully fixed only on Hanna's face. It was the only safe place to look except for Paige but even that was risky at the moment. She didn't want her eyes to get caught in the a cross fire if someone decided to stand up unexpectedly. Hanna's face was safe.

"Pshh I tried but it growled and I'm sorry but this is more fun than being threatened by a giant cat that wants to eat me. I don't even like cats. I guess I should have thought about that beforehand." She shrugged and slammed her cards down on the table. "Someone needs to shuffle better, straight flush! Hand it over baby!" Hanna pointed at the purple clinging to the girls chest and waited as she reached around to unclasp it.

"Han!" She snapped, grabbing her arm and ripping her from the table and dragging her to the other side of the room.

"What? Those things are real! Really, why do my parents hate me when hers clearly loved her enough to give her good genes? And look at her profession!" She sighed enviously and shook her head in disbelief as she scooted up onto the pool table. "I think I should reevaluate my..."

She'd be lying if she said she was listening to anything Hanna was saying at the moment. And the high heels flying through the air at Hanna's face didn't phase her either. In fact even when Hanna's jacket hit her in the stomach all she could do was hand it over numbly. Her eyes were too busy staring at Paige as she knelt beside the couch talking to Peter, wishing she was better at reading lips. Her hair already seemed longer than she had remembered and the red in it was more prominent. The waves were bolder and turned to large ringlets on the end and the way her shirt clung to her...

Peter nodded suddenly and stood up, following Paige as they walked towards them.

"Hanna they're gonna go move your car back. Are the keys out there?" She asked. Hanna nodded and jumped down from the pool table.

"Yeah, I'll go with them to make sure nothing happens to it. That car is my baby."

"And yet you parked your baby in front of a moving train." Paige quipped. Hanna shrugged her shoulders.

"So I'd be a bad mom too. Add that to the list under bad driving!"

"Putting your baby on train tracks should actually come before bad driving." Paige cocked her head slightly and raised her eye brows.

She had to look away because something about the way Paige did that increased the flutter in her stomach and the tightening in her throat and it was only distracting her. She was also growing quickly frustrated that Paige hadn't given her a clear answer and suddenly she just wanted to be doing anything but standing by waiting.

"No, I'll go help." She said flatly, slipping by Paige and out the door behind Peter.

Her hands were shaking again and her stomach was knotted. She needed air. The cool night breeze hit her face and helped to clear her head but did nothing to calm the nerves and unfortunately as she caught up with Peter at the front of the train she heard Hanna and Paige exiting the train behind her.

* * *

Hanna turned to her after Emily slipped out the door.

"I want you to do better than I did." She said firmly. Her eyes were sad but she was holding herself together. "She's been through a lot and I love her so please...please just promise you'll take care of her."

She swallowed weakly and tried to speak but her voice cracked and all she could manage was a weak nod.

Hanna studied her but smiled, seemingly satisfied with that as an answer.

"Yeah yeah I knew you liked her." Hanna smiled proudly and turned towards the door. "I love being right!"

"Why because it's a once in a lifetime opportunity?" She shot. Hanna turned and rolled her eyes as she jumped down to the ground.

"Har har, you're funny. Does the circus make you crazy too or is that just all you?"

"All naturale, unlike the blonde." She smiled, jumping down beside her. Her eyes darted quickly to see Emily stopping by the front of the train. The guys were already pushing the car off of the tracks.

"Thank you circus girl, would you like the number?" Hanna smiled reaching over to flip one of her auburn curls. She ducked her head away and smiled, swatting Hanna's hand.

"Paige." She corrected "And I'm good thanks."

"Your Loss." Hanna shrugged.

"Yeah not really." she breathed, slipping her hands into her back pockets.

* * *

Paige and Hanna stopped beside her and waited as the car was pushed back. Once the guys were done they stepped away and let Hanna through.

She looked at Paige in the darkness for a moment, watching her as she looked down at her feet, kicking her boot into the ground thoughtfully with her hands shoved deep into her back pockets. The blue of her v-neck t-shirt was deep against the cream of her skin and the moonlight caught onto the highlights of red in her long hair. But the waves fell around her face, masking her in shadow. Her throat tightened and she only began doubting herself more. Paige had never actually said anything that would lead her to believe she was wanted expect that she would stay for her. But there was no way she could let Paige give up her life just to stay in a town that she left for a reason. She understood perfectly, because now all she wanted was to leave Rosewood too. It didn't even matter where she was going as long as she was near this girl that made her smile again.

She swallowed hard and looked back at Hanna standing beside the car, forcing her legs into movement to join her all the while trying to ignore the heat radiating from Paige's body as she walked away.

Then that heat was on her, grabbing her arm and pulling her back gently. The heat that she craved. Even through the fabric of her sleeves she could feel it burning into her. She turned back to face Paige, meeting those warm eyes and nearly buckling to the ground when she released her arm too soon. Paige tucked her hair behind her ear before she spoke.

"I know why you want to leave. I get it, I do. But you can't make that decision until you know why I left. It wouldn't be fair of me to let you without knowing the truth." Paige breath trembled lightly past her lips.

Nodding weakly she swallowed the dryness in her throat. She shivered and hugged her arms across chest, letting her fingers stroke lightly over the red velvet scarf as Paige continued. Even in the darkness, with just the lights from the moon and Hanna's car twenty feet away, she could see the struggle in her eyes and the pain on the surface. It was heart wrenching and new. Paige had smiled so much in the last 24 hours, always trying her best to make her smile too. That was gone now.

"You asked me before why I left and I gave you a short answer. You asked me outside of the bar if you knew me and I dodged it. You didn't know me but seven years ago I'd see you smile with your friends and I really wanted to know you. Things got tough for me because someone knew more about me than I did about myself. I didn't know what it meant then, I didn't learn it until a year later but by that time it didn't matter because I couldn't see you smile anymore. This life had come around and I forgot everything about this town, except for you. I grew up and I got stronger and I've lost people too."

Her eyes burned as she listened, her palms sweating as she gripped tightly to the scarf. Keeping herself together by tightening her arms around her chest. She tried to fight the moisture in her eyes but with every word Paige spoke it kept returning.

"You're right with what you said before. I care about you and I don't know you." Paige's lip shook slightly and seeing that made a tear slip down her cheek. " what right do I have to touch your life now when I wasn't there for everything that hurt you?"

She let it fall, not wanting to wipe it away because doing so felt wrong. Like she was ashamed of it and she wasn't. Paige's breath hitched for a second but she pushed on, too determined to stop now.

"I know that I want you to be happy and I know that I won't hurt you. Not ever. But I can't let you come without knowing the truth. I cared about you seven years ago. I possibly never stopped. And I trust you to do whatever it is that you need to do to be happy again. I want..."

"I want to come with you." She repeated, cutting off Paige's words. She'd heard enough and none if it was what she had expected or what she deserved but all of it was right. All if it was what she hoped for and all of it made her feel strong and whole again. It made her forget about Rosewood even though it stood a mile behind her. It made her forget about the cluster of photos on her dresser that were now layered in years of dust. "Please trust me." she pleaded.

Paige looked up to the black sky for a moment, a sigh leaving her lips that reflected relief and a flicker of fear. She shook her head lightly, clearing the remnants of a fog, and looked back at her.

"Okay." Paige breathed, a smile tugging at her lips.

The flutter increased in her stomach as she watched Paige smile. That was the main reason for the flutter that she had such a hard time placing. It would seem odd considering Paige just agreed to something life changing, but it wasn't. It was the first smile outside of the bar that had planted the first seed of hope in her mind. That first smile had started the flutter.

"Uh no. That ones mine." Hanna snapped behind her. She turned to see her leaning against the side of the car watching as Peter pulled two suitcases out of the trunk. "Emily has something against fashion and I'm not wasting those heels on her."

She turned away from Paige and walked to Hanna quickly. Peter was already dragging the bags to the train. Hanna stumbled back as she threw herself into her, wrapping her arms tightly around her and burying her face into the strawberry of her hair.

"I love you." She whispered, pressing her lips to Hanna's shoulder. She could feel Hanna smile against her neck.

"I love you too. But please don't let the tigers starve." She joked, pulling away to look at her.

"You said you don't like cats." She pointed out, dropping her arms to her sides. Hanna just shrugged.

"I just don't want you being responsible for them becoming extinct."

"I'll do my best." She smiled, reaching into her back pocket and pulling out the spare key to the house. "You should probably have this in case you're in town and do you think you could..."

"Yes I'll call your mom and tell her you ran way with the circus. She won't freak out at all and probably won't blame me or threaten my life and it all _won't_ be okay." She smile reassuringly and stepped away to the driver's door, grabbing her purse that she had left on the passenger seat and handing it to her. "Here, I put your phone and charger in here but I'm guessing you won't be able to use it a lot so just call me when you can please." She nodded and took her bag from Hanna.

"Yeah, of course." She smiled weakly.

"My stun gun is in there too just in case..." She smiled cutting off her own words as her eyes darted over to Paige and back. "I am gonna go crash in your bed because its four in the morning and I'm not young and carefree like you two."

"Hanna, I know I haven't been..."

Hanna moved and wrapped her arms around her again. "Don't." She whispered. " I love you and I want you to be happy."

She squeezed her eyes shut as the tears overflowed. So much of her already missing the girl in her arms that had always been her best friend. Hanna pulled back first and stepped away, wiping her own tear away.

"Call me soon and let me know when the circus is back in town." She turned her eyes in Paige's direction as she moved to the car door. "Paige?" Hanna called.

She turned to see Paige still standing in the same spot and her breath caught instantly in her throat. She looked surprised and smiled, probably because Hanna had used her actual name.

"Yeah?"

"Keep your promise." She shouted.

"My pleasure." Paige smiled, taking a set step closer.

Hanna smiled and turned back to her one more time as she climbed in the car. "She likes you so please don't forget about the stun gun."

She bit her lower lip and her cheeks flushed as she watched Hanna close the door and drive back across the field, the red of the tail lights disappearing in the distance. The engine of the train roared to life behind her, so loud against the silence of the night that it should have startled her but it didn't. She turned to see Paige standing by the door of her car, leaning against the side with her boot kicked up on the step. The same way she had leaned against the old black truck. The light from inside the doorway lit up the softness of her face in the darkness and the steam from underneath the train blew the auburn waves around her shoulders. All of these things made her smile as she walked to her side and as she drew closer the hot steam blowing through Paige's hair brushed across her face and perfumed the air that now slipped easily into her lungs.

_Heat from the vent in an old black truck that was heavily perfumed by her hair. _

Paige stepped up first and turned to her, extending her arm to help her up. "All aboard?" She smiled.

She smiled back and didn't hesitate because she wanted the heat more than anything and when their hands met flame licked at her skin. She felt excited and protected and finally happy as she stepped up beside her. Paige didn't release her hand like she had every time before. She let it continue to burn in hers as she reached with her free hand to the radio in her back pocket, pressing the button and bringing it to her lips. She couldn't take her eyes away from them as they parted.

"Give us five minutes." She smiled. Static sounded for a second before he replied.

"Walk fast." Peter said.

Paige smiled and moved immediately, pulling her behind as she started a quick pace down the hall, passing by her room and through the commons area that was now mostly empty. They passed a kitchen and a dinning room and several cars of carved wood hallways lined with doors. They slowed slightly as they broke into a room colored in a deep purple. It was beautiful but she didn't have time to appreciate it because Paige was already pulling her through another door and once inside...her heart stopped. She didn't let go of Paige's hand but she stepped in front of her, reversing their roles and pulling her instead as she crashed her body into Ember's neck.

* * *

She thought she had really seen Emily smile but it was nothing compared to the way she smiled as she took her hand and gave her the chance to pull her close again. Trust resting in her fingertips. Emily's smile now, as she took in the gold and coral in Ember's mane, made everything worth it. Every battle she had fought since she was 16 years old had brought her to this moment and this time Ember didn't jump as the train lurched forward. He stayed steady and strong as Emily's hand soothed him. Her anxiety didn't course through her body like it had before because Emily was soothing her too.

Carefully she slipped her hand away from Emily and walked to the side door, gripping the handle and sliding it open. The ground was moving still slow enough to focus on individual pieces of gravel. She thought she had enjoyed the feeling of the ground moving beneath her feet but she didn't fully appreciate the sensation until Emily had become the reason for it.

The ground moved faster as Emily appeared at her side, grabbing onto the handle opposite from her in the doorway, a smile on her lips as she leaned out slightly to watch the lights of Rosewood disappearing through the dark trees. Her long raven hair shimmered blue in the moonlight and whipped around her face. The white of her shirt glowed and for the first time she noticed the red velvet scarf around her neck, blowing out behind her. That color was so much better on her. Every color was.

Heat appeared in her hand and she looked down to realize that Emily had found her in the dark, squeezing it tightly as they watched the silhouettes of trees flash past and the hills engulf the town of their past.

Emily was now moving forward with the same trust she had in Ember's eyes on a black gravel road.

Unwavering.

* * *

**"I'll Remember" Madonna (Emily POV) **{I Do Not Own These Lyrics}**

Say goodbye to not knowing when

The truth in my whole life began

Say goodbye to not knowing how to cry

You taught me that

And I'll remember the strength that you gave me

Now that I'm standing on my own

I'll remember the way that you saved me

I'll remember

Inside, I was a child

That could not mend a broken wing

Outside, I looked for a way

To teach my heart to sing

And I'll remember the love that you gave me

Now that I'm standing on my own

I'll remember the way that you changed me

I'll remember

I learned to let go

Of the illusion that we can possess

I learned to let go

I travel in stillness

And I'll remember happiness

I'll remember I'll remember I'll remember

And I'll remember the love that you gave me

Now that I'm standing on my own

I'll remember the way that you changed me

I'll remember

No, I've never been afraid to cry

Now I finally have a reason why

I'll remember

No, I've never been afraid to cry

Now I finally have a reason why

I'll remember

No, I've never been afraid to cry

And I finally have a reason why

I'll remember

No, I've never been afraid to cry

And I finally have a reason why

I'll remember

* * *

**"Safe & Sound" Taylor Swift [Feat. The Civil Wars] (Paige POV) {I don not own these lyrics}**

I remember tears streaming down your face

When I said, "I'll never let you go"

When all those shadows almost killed your light

I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone"

But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight

Just close your eyes

The sun is going down

You'll be alright

No one can hurt you now

Come morning light

You and I'll be safe and sound

Don't you dare look out your window, darling,

Everything's on fire

The war outside our door keeps raging on

Hold on to this lullaby

Even when the music's gone

Gone

Just close your eyes

The sun is going down

You'll be alright

No one can hurt you now

Come morning light

You and I'll be safe and sound

Just close your eyes

You'll be alright

Come morning light,

You and I'll be safe and sound...


	7. Chapter 7

_**Thank you everyone for the amazing reviews and messages. They do so much to keep me on track and they mean so much to me. This story just keeps growing and growing and it surprises me everyday. I have so many plans for Red Velvet and I know a lot of you have followed since Blue Lace and I'd like you to know that I have plans for that still forming. To me this chapter is a waking up for Emily and Paige. Slowly but surely. Enjoy.**_

_**p.s Lainierb. This is the song I was refusing to name weeks ago when you kept me in check during my Hurricane Sandy lock down. I told you that I had found one that instantly made me cry. I'm weak, I know. ;)**_

* * *

It's funny how you can feel nothing for a place you've called home your entire life. How you can watch it disappear behind dark hills and not feel sad or nostalgic in any way. Nothing for the town the you once loved, nothing for the memories of happy times with friends and family or the home you felt safe in...because they have long since been shrouded in shadows. No emotions surface for that town because the only thing that is making you feel anything...is the heat in your hand. That heat is somehow making you feel everything. Sadness at the years spent without it, pain at the thought of it disappearing. It's safer than home.

Paige slipped her hand away and the lack of fire made her shiver. She turned to look at her, wondering why she had pulled away, but Paige was moving to grab the handle of the steel door. It was then that she realized that her hands were shaking and she felt the goosebumps beneath her white thermal shirt. Somehow Paige had noticed it before she had and was now pulling the door closed. She wrapped her arms around her chest to warm herself as the door squeaked shut, then she turned to Ember. Paige lingered behind as she inched closer to him. His head bowed down as he watched her, waiting patiently by. The glint of gold sparkled against his black hair. She reached her arm to run her fingers over the braid, feeling the tiny glass beads on the ribbon and the soft feathers. Her throat tightened as she noticed the shade of pink. The same color of her dress that glowed against his black coat was now glowing in his mane. Paige had been with him when she and Hanna had reached the train and now she knew why.

"I think he likes the color too." Paige whispered behind her.

_Too_. She touched the pink feather on the end and dropped her hand to her side as she turned to face her.

"You made this just for him?"

Paige nodded and put one hand in her front pocket. "Yeah, its nothing like the carving but...he's not either." She moved closer and rested her right hand on Ember's back. "That horse is too showy and tacky and he's not. He's something else entirely."

"Like what?" She smiled, pressing out of curiosity to what Paige was thinking.

Paige sighed lightly and looked at him. "He doesn't need flashy to show him off. It's the other way around. It's the simple things like this..." Paige reached her hand to touch a pink feather, just inches from her own. "... that are perfect. It doesn't take your eyes away from where they should be. He makes everything that he touches more beautiful."

She swallowed hard as she looked to Ember's face. Her eyes burning because even though Paige was speaking about him, she also wasn't just referring to him. The coral in his hair proved that Paige was talking about her too. It's hard to imagine someone seeing you so much better than you see yourself.

"He missed you." Paige smiled, dropping her arm back to her side.

She smiled lightly at the hidden words in her tone. "Yeah, I missed him too."

Paige turned and sat down on the raw wood floor, leaning her back against a bale of hay and stretching her legs out as she kicked one boot over the other. She turned back to Ember and stroked lightly across his mane and the gold braid. His head was tucked down against his chest and his eyes fell closed, completely calm and peaceful. The same way she felt now. She felt happy with him being content and safe with girl resting just behind her.

She dropped her arm and turned away, sinking to the warm floor beside Paige. It was scattered with bits of straw, making it a soft place to sit.

"So, what was your back up plan?" Paige asked, grabbing a piece of straw from the floor.

"Uh, Hanna said gap insurance."

Paige chuckled lightly beside her, but it was laced in a helplessness. "Yeah, that's not a good back up plan." She whispered. "She should have let you out of the car first."

She watched Paige pick up another piece of straw as she knotted them together into a braid. She knew she had seen fear in her eyes when she saw the car on the tracks but she hadn't really placed where that fear was coming from. Paige's emotions had changed so fast and at the moment she was going out on a whim to find out if Paige felt anything for her at all. Everything in her gut told her yes but there was the uncertainty of course. The biggest part of her hadn't expect Paige to say yes.

"My back up plan involved going to Charleston." she stated proudly.

Paige's fingers froze on the braid of straw as she met her eyes with an impressed smile on her lips.

"Well, I can tell you from experience that there's nothing special in Charleston."

"Yeah because you weren't there yet." She smiled, scooting lower and letting her head rest against the bale of hay. She watched her fingers falter for a moment on the straw braid. Just a split second before she picked up another strand and began working it into the others.

"Then Charleston will probably be happy to see us." Paige smiled and looked at her again.

She couldn't help but smile back. Not just because of the way Paige used the word 'us' but because of the way using that word made her feel.

"What do you think about me riding him?" She asked. Paige's eyes flickered to Ember thoughtfully, then back to her, stilling the movement of her fingers against the straw.

"I think that you don't realize how amazing that is to witness. You're stronger when you're riding him. Even with knowing that he was leaving you were still channeling yourself into him. It's special."

"You were with him...when you guys were leaving." She noted, studying Paige's face.

"Yeah, I didn't want him to be scared."

"You did that before too, when you stepped out to cut off the storage truck."

"I'd be lying if I said that was just for him." Paige smiled and arched her eyebrows. "That guy drives worse than Hanna."

This was why she felt safe. The gestures that showed her that Paige cared out numbered the words. Even though the words made it real it was the actions that spoke louder with her. Paige stepping in front of a truck and Paige sitting here alone with Ember. The coral and gold in his mane that she had braided like the straw in her hand. The way she had taken on such a huge responsibility for her without her even having to ask.

"You were willing to take him for me without asking questions?"

Paige tied another knot in the straw.

"It wasn't about asking questions. I didn't feel the need to because its easy to see how important he is to you. Even though you didn't let me pay for him you should know that I would have paid much more." Paige sighed and shook her head lightly.

"I'm sorry about that. You were already willing to take care of him and I couldn't let you pay for him too. It should have been me because I felt like I owed him that much."

"I get that." Paige nodded. "It doesn't matter now because he's still yours and leaving wouldn't have changed that. Besides I feel better now that I know it wasn't because you didn't want my phone number." Paige smiled.

"Really? Ugh okay I'm gonna be needing that check now." She laughed.

Paige shook her head firmly. "Nope, its void. And it also doesn't matter because we rarely have service out here and now you're stuck on a moving train with me."

"Not stuck." She shook her head. "But thank you for..."

"No." Paige cut her off. "That's one apology and now one thank you and that means you've reached the daily limit and its only 5 am."

She scooted up beside Paige.

"Wow is it really?" She looked up at the small window above Ember's sleeping head. Still dark but just slightly more blue than black. She looked back to Paige when she heard a jingling sound that brought her back to the night at the bar, watching as she slipped a long thin gold chain from under the blue of her shirt. The gold so thin is was barely there.

"Ten 'til." Paige nodded, holding a small round clock that hung from the strand. Probably the smallest clock she had ever seen. Smaller than most wrist watches, just resting between her fingertips with a tiny pattern carved into the gold. Several other small charms dangled beside the clock but Paige tucked it back under her shirt and pulled herself up.

* * *

"I think he'll probably be okay here long enough for you to sleep, but if you want I'll come back." She outstretched her arm to Emily, and being able to do that felt good. Being able to possibly do that more often felt really good.

Emily took her hand as eagerly as she had offered it, pulling herself up and brushing the straw from her jeans. Her fingers slipped away awkwardly once she was steady on her own feet and it seemed to make her eyes soften from the lack of touch. They slipped away quietly from Ember's side trying best not to disturb him. He was sleeping happily now and with Emily close by he would truly be okay. They both would.

Emily kept pace at her side as they walked and twisted around the narrow halls of the train. The dining car was easier to navigate because it had two stories to it so it was more open. They walked through the kitchen that had space enough for a few tables but there was a small staircase in the corner that led up to a dining area with observation windows. It hardly ever got used because nobody was on the same schedule so no one ever ate in more than groups of ten and even then most times they would take their food to their rooms or hang out in the commons near the bar.

"Are you hungry?" She asked, looking at Emily. Her attention was only half there. Her eyes were tired and something had clearly drained her, aside from being up all day and night. She was running on fumes. It took her a second to respond but when she did it was only a slight smile as she shook her head no. She went out on a limb to comfort Emily, placing her hand lightly on her waist to guide her as they walked. She wanted the touch but more importantly she wanted to protect her from quite literally falling to the floor from exhaustion. Even with that as her goal and purpose she couldn't help but lose her breath at the feeling of the velvet scarf beneath her fingertips. It felt better on her.

The walk that normally took her five minutes took fifteen and by the time they reached her bedroom door Emily was relying heavily on her support. She threw open the door and flipped a small switch on the wall casting dim light from the small lamp. Emily perked up quickly in her arms and it seemed safe now to let her go, with great pain at missing the hint of sugar that clung to her body.

Peter had brought her bags in here like she had asked him to earlier in the commons car. He'd stacked them by the closet and had also thankfully dropped the dirty white shirt and black jeans into the small hamper to save her the embarrassment of her room being a mess. She also spotted the folded contract laying on the small vanity that had been in her back pocket.

The bathroom door was closed so she walked over to open it. "Um, here's the bathroom and there's clean towels and I don't know what kind of things you use but we can go shopping as soon as we stop."

Emily laughed lightly, and leaned against the wall beside the door. "I'm fine with a bar of soap."

The happiness in her voice made her smile too. "Well, I definitely can manage to find you a bar of soap but I think there's already better stuff in there." She teased walking back over to the door to leave. "We should be there sometime after noon but just sleep and we can find a store when you wake up."

Emily nodded but as she reached her hand to the door she saw the smile leave her eyes as she grabbed her arm. "Where are you going?"

She stopped and dropped her hand back to her side, relishing the heat of Emily's hand still on her skin. "I..I told you I'd go back and check on him."

"He's fine and you have to be tired too." Emily insisted, releasing the light hold on her arm. Her eyes were pleading with something inside of her, fighting with something she couldn't place. There was glaze in her eyes that came with being tired and after several smiles she had lost her second wind and the exhaustion crush down again.

"Yeah I'm tired. I was gonna check on him and crash in the lounge that way I'm close to him while you sleep." She felt more like she was soothing a child and that was right at the moment. Emily seemed so close to tears and if Emily cried again...that just wasn't an option.

"Please stay..." She whispered

The movement of the train made Emily sway so she reached to steady her, grabbing her hand and hearing the light hitch in her throat. Her legs were giving out on her now and the glaze in her eyes was only getting heavier.

"Yeah, of course." She nodded weakly. She led Emily over to the bed in the small enclosed space and gestured her to sit down.

The space was like a cubby hole with an arched doorway and curtains that closed. Just enough space for a double bed to fit against the left side with a enough floor space for a side table. She was happy to find that she had at least remembered to straighten the deep red comforter, which was something she usually did anyways but it was nice to know the hang-over hadn't caused too much damage to her room. The whiskey bottle was missing from the nightstand where she had left it though. Note to self: Thank Peter.

"I'll leave if you need to change or anything... or there's the bathroom." She moved towards the door again.

Emily shook her head quickly."No, I'm fine."

She nodded and tucked a hand in her front pocket. "Okay...um you can take the bed and I'll..."

"What? No, this is your room I can't..."

"Yes you can." she insisted. "I can sleep anywhere and be comfortable I promise. Ask the pool table."

"Rough night?" Emily asked, smiling again with more enthusiasm

"Yeah you could say that. One of many. But the couches in the lounge are amazing so I promise I have no problem going if you want me to."

"I mean you can if you really want to but I'd feel better if you didn't. But that's on you." Emily smiled and kicked her boots off.

"I'll stay." She assured lightly, her throat closing in on itself.

She turned away from her and went to the closet. Seeing Emily take off her boots seemed like an invasion of privacy and that's the last thing she wanted to do. This was all new for her and the last thing she wanted to do was hover and make this uncomfortable especially when space was already so restricted. Emily was out of sight with a wall between them so she pulled her t-shirt over her head quickly and flipped through the hangers. Her necklace hung low in the middle of her chest but she rarely took it off and the gold was always warm from being close to her skin. The floor on the other hand was drafty sometimes so she grabbed a pale green thermal and pulled it on, tugging it down snug against her skin. She had a thing for shirts like this. Simple and functional and they could serve so many purposes. She could sleep in them or work in them and she had almost every color but...seeing Emily wearing one in the brightest of whites...was beautiful. When it was being paired with red velvet scarf around her shoulders it resembled what she wore during every show. White under red.

She reached to the top shelf for an extra blanket before closing the door and walking back to Emily. She stopped before she reached her, staring at the way her dark hair splayed out over the white of her favorite pillow. She was curled on her left side facing the only edge of the bed, her arm twisted around the red scarf and tucked under her chin as she slept. It was hard to look away. She could easily stand there forever without feeling the need to move or blink but the way that she was curled up had her unfolding the pale blue blanket and draping it over her Emily's body. She flipped the switch on the wall and sunk down to the floor in the narrow space beside the bed, tucking one arm behind her head as a pillow and draping the other across her stomach, letting her eyes fall closed as her mind began to unravel.

Everything in her worried that Emily would wake up in panic when she realized what she had done. When she realized that the choice she made, to place herself on a train full of strangers that was moving her across the country, had been a mistake. Emily seemed so happy and yet she hadn't expected to be a part of what made her happy.

For her, it had all been decided the moment she saw the car lying on the tracks. The moment the fear crept in of not seeing her again because of something completely out of her control especially when it had been her choice to leave. It was Emily saying the words made it real. There was nothing in her mind that was capable of telling her 'no' and there was no reason why she would ever want to. The word 'no' in a sentence being directed at her seemed like the worst form of blasphemy.

Emily fields had appeared in her life again and nothing felt right about letting that chance go. No thought of taking it for granted and no chance of this feeling growing old. Her voice rang loud in her ears as Emily told her that she was wanted. The intensity that came from Emily telling her that she needed to be near her and the relief through Emily's tears when she had made confessions of her own.

How easy it suddenly was to tell Emily that she had been the object of her teenage affection. An affection that was laced so heavily in confusion because she was oblivious at the time to what was really going on and what it meant. Seven years ago she cared deeply for a girl she didn't know and those feelings never left. They were dormant...but not gone.

Emily stirred slightly above her, snapping her from her thoughts and catching the air in her throat as her hand fell lightly over the edge of the bed, just inches from her shoulder. She could make out Emily's silhouette perfectly in the dark as she reached carefully, lifting her hand and stopping just before touching the tips of her fingers. Feeling the heat that radiated from her skin though she was cautious not to make contact. Emily needed to sleep and the thought of disturbing her for her own personal need was unacceptable. The outline of her hand in the darkness was clear from the small amount of light through the window and unlike the silhouettes of the hills in the distance...she was in reach. She knew exactly where to find Emily and she was still haloed in light.

On a moving train sleep becomes more of a habit than a comfort but...this floor had never felt softer than it did now.

* * *

She fell weakly to the pillow coated in the scent her body was learning to crave. Wrapping the red velvet scarf around her hand and bringing it to her nose, mixing the texture with the musk. Her thoughts weighing on the scale in her mind. The happiness she felt by being able to be with Ember verses the happiness that came from being close to Paige. She was devastated by the the thought of losing him but the true break had come from losing someone she hardly knew. The sound of the truck fading in the distance was what started the fall and the scent of musk leaving her body and knocked her down completely. It didn't seem possible but it was undeniable that she was more envious of Ember getting to see her when she couldn't.

The last image she saw was the scale tipping in favor of the hands that placed coral feathers in Ember's hair.

Her eyes opened slowly, breathing shallow and tasting the scent of orange that hung in the air around her. She pressed her face into the pillow, searching for the culprit but it immediately didn't matter what had caused it because she was so lost in what the pillow held instead. After a few minutes of breathing it in and allowing it to wake her gently, she shifted slightly, looking over the edge of the bed. Paige lay sleeping on the red carpet. Her long curls resting lightly over her shoulders with one arm tucked under her head and the other draped across the flat of her stomach. She couldn't remember much after arriving in her bedroom but she felt sad for not knowing when Paige had changed her shirt. More importantly she felt worse that Paige was sleeping on the floor. Her eyes glided down the length of her body. Her tight jeans and calf-high boots. She had one knee bent up and honestly it was crazy how someone could look so perfect while sleeping. If she didn't know Paige was sleeping by her shallow breaths she would have assumed she had posed this way while laying deep in thought. Looking at Paige made her quickly question her own appearance and glancing down she noticed the pale blue blanket laying over her body. Another pang of guilt crashed through her body as she tugged it off and sat up quietly, careful not to wake Paige as she inched carefully off the end of the bed. The sky was bright outside the small window but the room was still dim with a shade pulled halfway down and shadows of trees zipped by. The train still vibrated softly in movement and the clock on the table told her it was just after noon. She eyed her suitcases in the corner but decided her shirt and jeans were still fine...especially with the scarf around her neck. Paige didn't stir at all as she grabbed her boots from the floor. She didn't move when she placed the blue blanket over her body. Taking a shameless moment to watch her again.

Paige had been willing to take Ember into her care and now her too. A determination formed in her mind and a desire to prove that she could learn to stand strong and that she wouldn't break again. Regardless of how much she wanted to lean into Paige she owed it to her to do everything she could to make it up to her. Paige was selfless and she didn't even know her. She gave her this chance but she didn't have to and all of those things made her want to know Paige McCullers.

A smile tugged at her lips as she slipped into the hallway and closed the door silently behind her. She took a moment to lean against the wooden walls so that she could slide her feet quickly into her boots.

"Did you sleep okay?" A voice asked.

She jumped and straightened herself up to see Peter coming through the car door. He was tall, probably early forties with clean-cut sandy hair and grey eyes. Paige seemed to be fond of him and he seemed like a kind person. It was clear that they were close. With the way he acted and the radio clipped to his belt it also seemed like he had a voice on the train, though Paige was clearly in charge.

"Yeah, thanks." She smiled, self-consciously combing her fingers through her hair.

"Have you seen Paige? I figured she'd still be knocked out in the lounge. She said she was gonna sleep back there."

Her words stammered in her throat as she gestured weakly at Paige's bedroom door. "Umm, yeah she's still sleeping. I...I felt bad about her sleeping somewhere else."

Even though his face stayed completely neutral she couldn't keep the flush from her cheeks and all the did was make her thoughts more obvious. Even so...Peter just nodded kindly and pushed up his sleeves to look at his watch.

"Okay well, there's food in the kitchen three cars back so you might want to run." He smiled. "Paige isn't much of a morning person and its best if you're not around for her charming profanities."

She exhaled quietly, relief that he either didn't notice the blush on her cheeks, which guys usually don't anyways, or that he was really a polite and genuine person. If Paige liked him then the latter seemed more likely.

"Thanks." She smiled and turned towards the car door as he was readying his fist to knock.

"You don't have to thank me." He smiled.

She faltered slightly as she pushed into the commons car. They sounded a lot alike too. A clear sign that they had been around each other for a long time and it was surprising the amount of envy that she felt at that thought. All of the years she had spent not living suddenly smacked her in the face and the reality of what was in front of her was breathtaking and something she didn't want to miss out on. She had missed out on enough while everyone around her had moved on. That couldn't happen anymore. This 'hope' that rested two cars behind her was too good to let slip away.

It was a home-style kitchen with oversized appliances and a large bar counter fitting eight stools. Tall floor to ceiling cabinets and thick slab counter tops that made it looked more like her mom's kitchen than something you'd expect to see on a train. Warm and inviting with chocolate wood floors and bright windows that let the sunlight bounce off of the burgundy walls. It was quiet except for a few people sitting around a corner table that smiled as she entered. She recognized them all from before. The guy with the snake tattoo and three women, one of which had led Hanna in a game of strip poker.

"Hey, you must be Emily?" The guy said, standing from his plate on the table. "Peter said we had someone joining us."

She nodded and smiled shyly as she walked closer. "Yeah."

He outstretched his hand. "I'm Riley." The snake tattoo twisted around his muscular arm and she could see the detail clearly. White and black ink with specks of teal and red in the scales. He was younger than Peter, closer to her own age with dark shaggy hair and green eyes. She took his hand and smiled as he turned to the others. "This is Sadie and Faye.." he gestured to two girls similar in disposition. Tall and thin, one with flame red hair that was entirely unnatural cascading down her back and the other with a blonde pixie cut that was nearly white. They smiled but went immediately back to whispering something about sequins as they eyed her curiously. It was a little unnerving but they seemed innocent enough. Like they were gossiping about her clothing in a good way...only, there was nothing special about her clothes at the moment. Her fingers teased the end of the scarf. "..and that's Mary."

Her eyes met with the girl that she remembered clearer than the others, mostly due to the fact that she had been half naked at the time and absolutely nothing had changed. She smirked playfully in a black satin bra that was three sizes too small. They might as well have been pasties and they still would have covered more. She forced her eyes to stay carefully on the ice blue of Mary's eyes as she extended her had towards her.

"You're a friend of Paige's?" Mary smiled, shaking her hand.

"Yeah, I mean I hope so." She stammered slightly. For some reason words were becoming difficult and the only correlation she could make was due to the mention of a certain name. Thinking the name was one thing but hearing it out loud was something else entirely. Mary's smile widened knowingly as she released her hand, returning to the bowl of grapes in front of her.

"That's good. That girl pulled me out of the hands of some asshole on a street corner when she was eighteen. Paige is great, which makes it easier to forgive her for being such a fucking light-weight, but she's been alone too long." She said gingerly peeling the skin off of the fruit with her teeth.

There's that name again, increasing a flutter through her veins.

"Mar, everyone's a light weight next to you." Riley laughed.

"I know right?" Mary grinned proudly.

"I mean, she has you guys though," she noted. "I can't imagine her feeling alone."

Mary shook her head as she lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke politely towards the cracked window beside her. "We're like family. We can't keep the kind of company that girl needs."

"Real subtle." Riley sighed, shaking his head.

"What?" Mary shrugged and picked at another grape with her teeth.

Her cheeks flushed instantly without her permission to what was being suggested. Something told her Mary was a handful, even though her intentions were good her personality was intense, and now her thoughts were beginning to run away on her.

"Well, I'm sorry if I interrupted or anything I was just going straight through."

Riley was busy digging a pocket knife into an apple but he stopped to look at her. "To be fair, we distracted you." He smiled and sliced a piece off, carrying it to his mouth with his thumb and the sharp blade.

She ducked her head lightly and turned, spotting a bowl of fresh fruit on the kitchen counter and grabbing an apple before she pushed through the door. Letting her thoughts run away with her as soon as she was through the door, working her way towards the back of the train. Everything she found so magnetic about Paige was evident in everyone around her. They all seemed to respect her and care for her and it was just reenforcing her own feelings. Making them intensify and burn with a fire that was both scary and beautiful. The thought of Paige feeling alone was heartbreaking though because she knew that feeling too well. She felt guilty because nothing in Paige's energy had hinted that she felt alone. Paige was always smiling and so interested in discovering her thoughts and feelings. It hadn't occurred to her before today to really discover Paige's. But she wanted to. Her mind traced over Mary's words with more struggle and all she saw was Paige laying flawlessly on the red carpet. That image caused a different type of flame that seemed to burn so much hotter at the moment.

She walked quickly through the halls, using the walls to steady herself as she moved. It was disorienting to walk on something that was moving forward while you were moving in the opposite direction. She had to keep her eyes carefully fixed ahead and away from the ground moving by outside the window. The floor felt steadier as she entered the purple room that Paige had called the lounge. She wouldn't protest sleeping here either. The color was rich and the couches were a plush white velvet. It was easy to imagine why Paige would like it.

She picked thoughtfully at the stem of the apple as she pushed through the last door. Ember turned his head as she entered, the peace he seemed to feel just knowing that she was nearby was the same peace she felt knowing that he wasn't leaving. She had felt it all before. Before she received the news that he was going to auction she had three years of enjoying peace. At least she thought it was true peace but it felt so different now. A freedom that was intoxicating and new. It made every one of her senses stronger and more invigorating and only part of it had to do with him. The biggest change came from flecks of coral in his hair. She was given a chance at living again and it had come from the hands that had placed the feathers.

She brushed her fingers down his nose and held the apple in front of his mouth, letting him bite into it before pulling it away. He nudged her shoulder harder than usual and made her step back.

"No." she smiled, taking another step back. He turned and walked towards her as she moved the fruit behind her back. "Stop." she said firmly, holding her ground.

He stopped impatiently and waited, and after a few moments she stepped closer again and gave him another bite. The reason he was easy to train came from his love of sugar. She stroked his neck as he munched on the apple in her hands, absent-mindedly running her fingers across the feathers as her thoughts ran away again. The stallion rearing back with the feathered crown of gold on his head. The feathers now in Ember's mane. She smiled.

* * *

A bang sounded on the door and made her jump and her eyes shoot open.

"What the fuck?" She snapped.

The words came from reflex and without thinking... and she instantly regretted it. She sat up from the floor in panic only to have her eyes fall on her empty bed. Her heart dropped but she felt relief too that Emily wasn't there to witness her choice words. Confusion traipsed that thought quickly though as she looked around the room. Her eyes falling on the pale blue blanket on top of her, making her smile.

"Thirty minutes Paige!" Peter shouted. She groaned and pulled herself from the floor, dropping the blanket on the bed.

"I hate you!" She shouted back, too late because the door of the car was already closing.

Emily's suitcases lay untouched in the corner and the bathroom was empty, which started anxiety in her stomach as she stopped in front of the mirror. Luckily her hair wasn't a wreck. She brushed her teeth quickly and added the usual line of brown under her eyes and the touch of gloss then combed her fingers through the curls. Her clothes were fine for now and she had slept in her boots so she clipped the radio to her back pocket and left the room. Their stop was twenty minutes outside of Charleston and as she looked out the window in the hallway she could see the dense green trees hugging the tracks and she knew exactly where they were. She needed to hurry.

She walked quickly and easily. The movement of the train was something she had grown used to. Well, except for crashing stops like last night. She rubbed her shoulder lightly and kept her fast pace. As she reached the kitchen she slowed, faltering from the smirks that everyone around the table was giving her.

"What?" She asked, stopping beside the table. Their smiles weren't at all suspicious. They were completely guilty.

"She went that way." Mary grinned with a sly voice, pointing towards the back car door.

Great.

"What, are you the Cheshire cat now?" She sighed , moving towards the door instantly. Praying they hadn't done too much damage to Emily with their inability to use a filter.

"Anything you want, Hun." Mary laughed.

She turned and put on her best pout before pushing through the door with her back. "You know I don't have what it takes to satisfy you, baby."

Mary nodded approvingly. "Touche."

She shook her head lightly as she left them behind, quickening her pace through halls and past purple walls. No doubt in her mind as to where Emily was and even with knowing she was close a tingling quickened under her skin and her breath was lost when she looked through the small door window and actually saw her. She swallowed hard and slipped quietly through the door, watching as Emily stood beside him. She clicked her tongue and brought Ember back up from his knees, turning to her with a smile on her lips.

"Hey. I'm sorry I didn't want to wake you but I had to come check on him." She said stepping closer and letting him go back to pulling strands from the bale of hay.

"Waking up to Peter was so much better." She laughed. "Did you sleep okay?"

Emily nodded fervently. "Yeah, but I'm not stealing your bed again so I'll take the floor or sleep..."

"You're not sleeping anywhere else." She insisted, shaking her head firmly.

Emily crossed her arms over her chest stubbornly. "You were going to sleep in the lounge." She pointed out.

"Yeah, have you seen those couches?"

Emily nodded and smiled. "Yes, and I think I'll fight you for them."

She sighed in defeat and shook her head. "And I have a feeling that you'd win that fight, but too many people forget to make themselves decent before leaving their rooms. Mary is the worst at..."

"Yeah I met Mary." Emily admitted, smiling at the sinking of her shoulders.

"See...I was hoping you'd say "who's Mary?" She shook her head and smiled. "How bad were they?"

"They're fine I promise. They clearly love you and I can see why." Emily's eyes softened and she looked down at her hands tangled together at her stomach. Her words became a whisper. "Thank you for giving us this." She looked at Ember then met her eyes again. Even from the feet between them she could see the tightening in her throat and knew it well because her throat was closing too.

"You don't have to do that with me." Her voice was more pleading than she had intended but it was necessary. "That's two each for today already, and if you take yesterday into account you're probably good for a lifetime."

Emily smiled lightly, the pink darkening on her cheeks but it faded quickly.

"You were going to leave." Emily noted, taking a small step closer. "You still could have left after I showed up. You could have said no but you didn't."

"I couldn't have said no. I didn't want to. You need to do what makes you happy and you shouldn't have to apologize for that and you don't have to thank me." Emily looked at Ember, her thoughts taking over in the moment. "I already told you that your eyes say it before your mouth does."

She watched the rise and fall of Emily's chest stop completely while she was looking over her shoulder at Ember. She counted the seconds until she let oxygen back into her lungs. Maybe Emily knew she was watching for it and maybe that was the problem. Her eyes flickered over to the window instead and she could see the trees beginning to thin out. The sense of urgency snapped back into her body and she moved quickly to the side door, gripping the handle and dragging it open. The ground was still flying past but that's not where she needed to look at the moment. She smiled when she looked up, reaching out automatically for Emily's hand and breaking her eyes away from the sky to look at her. The softness of Emily's skin appeared instantly in her hand and she closed her fingers tightly around her and pulled her closer to the open door, using her other hand to create a protective barrier between Emily's body and the drop. She watched as Emily leaned closer and followed her gaze towards the sky, seeing the hitch in her throat as she took in the New River Gorge Bridge towering above them. The steel arch nestled deep between two hills, so high above them that the fog created clouds swirling around the pillars.

"Its like being inside one of those model train sets." Emily smiled.

She kept her right arm steady and strong as Emily leaned into it more, still clinging tightly to her other hand. She smiled watching Emily smile at the gateway in the sky, picking out the arch of the bridge that was reflecting in her eyes. She didn't need to look up because she could see it perfectly in the deep brown.

* * *

**"Standing In Front Of You" Kelly Clarkson (I Do Not Own These Lyrics)**

You say it's easier  
Alone and undisturbed  
You said yes and danced before  
And got your feelings hurt  
You say most days your good  
It's not so bad this room  
Why chance the rain today  
Even though it's clear and sunny  
And you fight it so hard  
How to tell if it's real or not

Take a breath and listen  
Open up stop wishin'  
All that you've been missin'  
Standing in front of you  
Everything you're fearin'  
All the walls are buildin'  
Take a chance your reason  
Standing in front of you  
Standing in front of you

You start to sway again  
Feelin' good in your skin  
You start to remember when  
You didn't have to try  
And then the glitter turns to dust  
The color fades enough to make out pictures of a fire  
That burns like love  
You can close your eyes don't worry  
I'll still be here in the morning

Take a breath and listen  
Open up stop wishin'  
All that you've been missin'  
Standing in front of you  
Everything you're fearin'  
All the walls are buildin'  
Take a chance your reason  
Standing in front of you  
Standing in front of you

And they wont break us  
And they can't get through  
Cause I'm gonna be here  
Standing in front of you

Take a breath and listen  
Open up stop wishin'  
All that you've been missin'  
Standing in front of you  
Everything you're fearin'  
All the walls are buildin'  
Take a chance you're reason  
Standing in front of you  
Standing in front of you


	8. Chapter 8

_**Thank you to everyone for being Patient with me over the holiday week. I was easily distracted and i'm sorry. Heres to the many of you who have been awaiting the tags that I've been posting on twitter. Enjoy!**_

* * *

Paige held her hand tightly long after the bridge had disappeared in the sky, engulfed by the mountains that loomed in all directions. It was beautiful and perfect. It made Rosewood seem so far away and the sadness in her stomach conflicted with the smile on her lips. The world was big and she had missed so much of it. So much time wasted on a town that held nothing for her. So many dreams she had lost and so many possibilities she given up on.

Paige moved suddenly, using her arm to guide her away from the edge and away from the view. She looked at her in confusion but Paige was looking at the ground below now and tightening her other hand around the handle, shifting her slightly behind her back against the steel wall as the train locked onto a set of brakes. It took her by surprise and made her heart jump, but only for a moment. Paige had been expecting it and was holding her safely away from the opening. She looked at Ember expecting panic from him. He was alert but unphased by the shift of the car. It seemed they were both adjusting quickly to a new life that they both wanted. The ground slowed enough to see more detail in the trees and the gravel around the tracks. Paige grabbed her hand, forcing her to take hold of the handle instead, as she slipped away.

"I need you to do something for me." Paige said, peeling her eyes away from the ground to insure that she was holding on to the handle. She placed her hand on the small of her back, like feeling her there made it real. Paige was touching her and doing so was a way of knowing that she was holding on, and that she was safe.

She nodded in agreement and tightened her grip. Paige's eyes flickered to meet hers, a playful smile as the train locked on a second set of brakes.

"Stay here." She whispered.

She crinkled her brow and opened her mouth to question when Paige's hand slipped away from her back as she jumped. Her heart stopped as she moved through the air. Time slowed enough to make out the flecks of red in her hair as it blew out behind her. She planted her feet soundly on the ground without fail and kicked up a cloud of dirt around her boots. Perfect and practiced. Just a slight bend of her knees before she straightened herself and pulled her radio from her back pocket, bringing it to her lips as she walked along the tracks, following the car as it slowed. Paige squatted down to peer underneath the train while she talked into the radio. The wind blowing her curls across her cheeks and brushing up the hem of her shirt, just exposing a patch of skin on her hip. The leather of her belt resting low on her waist.

She swallowed hard and moved away from the doorway, taking focused steps to Ember's side. Her mind reeling from something so simple. A patch of skin she wanted to touch. A fearlessness she wanted to have in every way that she could. Everything about Paige was inspiring and it made her want to be deserving. She wanted to live again and she didn't want to feel so out of place because she wanted to be here more than anything. She stroked Ember's neck as the train stopped completely and after a few minutes Paige appeared in the doorway and climbed back up easily. Her face was calm and collected.

"They're gonna come set up a ramp first so we can get him out of here." She smiled, walking to her side.

She could feel the fire in her cheeks as she kept her eyes away from Paige's shirt that was still pushed slightly off of her waist. It's ridiculous what an inch of skin can do to your thoughts. She shook her head lightly to clear it and smiled. "Yeah, that'll be good." She agreed patting his neck.

"I'm sorry about that." She gestured to the door. "That wasn't my attempt at bailing on you I promise." Paige smiled. "I had to check clearance and the only person that made me want to jump out of a moving vehicle was Hanna so..."

Her smile widened because she could relate to that urge. "I know the feeling." she nodded. "What did she say to you?" There was an idea in her mind that Hanna had already planted but again, there was doubt.

Paige shrugged her shoulders and stepped closer, the night outside of the bar flashing back into her mind. The brush of heat on her arm as she held the flyer in her hands. The way her breath caught in her chest from Paige leaning in. The challenge in her voice that made her breathless. It was the same now and she struggled to keep her eyes unfocused so that she couldn't see the clear lines of Paige's body moving closer.

"She called me out on my denial." Paige whispered.

She clenched her jaw as their eyes met and her throat tightened, so much closer than they had been that night. Ember stamped his foot and shifted away, breaking her focus from Paige as she realized her fingers were twisted tightly into his mane. Paige turned away as the car shook from a ramp being slammed into place. Her attention quickly shifting to the task at hand and leaving her head spinning. Now it was difficult to see anything but the patch of skin on her hip.

Ember shifted again and turned as she pulled him towards the door, leading him down carefully as Paige stood back and watched. The May air was warm and the sky overcast with just small breaks in the clouds to allow streams of light to fall over the hills. If she didn't know they weren't in Rosewood anymore then it would be disorienting because it was so similar. Tall trees were dense around an open lot and a small town peeked through a few hundred yards away. Clusters of pink stood out against the green from cherry blossom trees that were in bloom. While she'd never actually been to Charleston she had enough common knowledge to assume that this wasn't it. The closeness of the mountains indicated that they were probably just outside of the city somewhere. A large number of trucks were parked in a gravel lot and people climbed down from the cabs and began a walk over to the train to help with unloading, sliding the heavy steel doors open and slamming ramps into place.

Paige walked up to her side and stopped. "Do you wanna get something to eat? I can have them set up an extra stall for him, or we can stay if you want. There's food in the kitchen and I'm gonna send someone to stock up."

She met Paige's eyes and saw a hopefulness there and a silent longing. "Yeah, let's go." she nodded. "I think he'll just be happy to be left alone for a while."

Paige smiled and grabbed her radio from her back pocket, bringing it to her mouth. She looked back at Ember and let Paige's voice work over her body on its own. Hoping the affect wouldn't be as strong when she wasn't actually watching her lips move. That plan failed the moment she spoke.

"Peter, I love you." Paige purred.

She smiled and looked curiously back at Paige, meeting the smile in her eyes as she released the talk button.

"No." Peter replied instantly, his voice firm.

Paige sighed and moved to talk again, keeping her voice sweet. "Hey, remember that one time when you said you owed me because I was hungry and..."

"Fine." He snapped.

Paige grinned and tucked the radio back into her pocket.

"What was that about?" She asked, running her hand down Ember's nose.

Paige shrugged nonchalantly. "Peter had a rough night and decided to use Mary's chest as a pillow."

"You walked in?" She asked, a smile tugging at her lips.

"If you call going to the kitchen for nourishment walking in." Her cheeks reddened as she shook her head. "And I promise I use the word 'pillow' losely. You know the sound that boats make in the water?" Paige brought a finger up and buzzed her lips and she couldn't keep herself from laughing although it stopped abruptly when Peter behind her. Paige dropped her finger from her lips and turned, meeting him with proud smile. His smile on the other hand was less than amused.

"Nice Paige, really...how cute?" He said flatly.

Paige slapped him on the back, her face serious as she spoke. "I'll let you know when I decide to use motor boats as an act, but until then...you can horse-sit for a few hours." She smiled.

"Thank you." He smiled sarcastically. "I'm so glad that this amuses you and I love blackmail. It suits you."

Paige rolled her eyes and turned away from him, grabbing her hand. "I pay you well Peter."

She looked back at Ember as Paige led her away. Smiling when she saw Peter ranting silently to himself. Poor Ember for having to listen.

Paige set an easy pace across the field, her hand holding hers lightly. Like she was allowing her the chance to pull away but hoping that she wouldn't, just barely touching. She tightened her fingers slightly, just enough to catch Paige's attention, but she didn't respond. She seemed worried to move her fingers too much and they stayed lightly in hers. As they stepped into a sidewalk she pulled her hand away from Paige, hugging her arms around her chest instead. Paige moved her hands into her front pockets, burying only her middle two fingers lightly beneath the denim. The action seemed more relaxed than before and she was learning quickly to decipher her hand positioning. Front pockets seemed to happen when Paige was more reserved, back pockets when she was more comfortable and she varied between one hand or both.

"So you said you've been here before?" She glanced at her as they turned onto a busy main road. The sidewalks were cobblestone and tiny shops lined both sides of the street. Small boutiques and crowded diners. A mining town at heart or at least that's what it looked like.

"Yeah a few times last year." Paige nodded. "We travel from February through October. The stops are different sometimes but its usually the same areas or at least within a short distance. Then we back track the route."

"What happens after October?" She stepped aside as a group of shoppers broke through them on the sidewalk, keeping her eyes on Paige.

"The train gets pulled from the tracks and stored in our stock yard and the animals are boarded on the grounds."

"What about you? I mean, do you all just go your separate ways?" she fell back in step beside Paige, trying to watch her while also watching where she was walking.

"Some go home to visit family but most stay close to where they're comfortable."

She nodded lightly as Paige stopped short, looking up at a sign on an old red brick building with large colored glass windows and a hand painted sign that read 'Stonewall Deli.'

"Okay, this is a must." Paige smiled. "Please tell me you like chocolate."

She smiled as she was ironically met with the warm brown of Paige's eyes. "Are there actually people in the world that don't like chocolate?"

Paige's smile widened. "Sadly yes, but thankfully nobody that I work with because that's actually a question on the application."

Paige grabbed the door and held it open for her, ringing a tiny bell above their heads. The inside was dimly lit and cozy. Small round tables against the right wall and few couches in the back corner strewn with quilted throw pillows. A long counter lined the left side with brightly lit glass cases and the exposed brick walls displayed floor to ceiling local artwork and a large iron clock that pointed to just after 2. The rich espresso floor was covered with several large Persian rugs in rich reds and purples. If Paige liked this place it was easy to see why. It was beautiful and eclectic and the boldness of the colors reminded her of walking through the curtains under the Big Top. The same tiny white lights hung across the wood beam ceiling and she blindly followed Paige over to the counter as she looked up at them. The selection of items on the hand written chalk board above the counter was vast, so they settled on picking through the items in the display, showcasing bagels and sandwiches and a long line of home-made deserts.

"You remember how I told you there's nothing special about Charleston?" Paige asked. "Well, thats the only special thing." Paige pointed to the gooey stack of brownies in the case, stuffed with chunks of marshmallow and caramel dripping from the center. There was no chance of leaving this town without trying those. Paige smiled and the small woman behind the counter walked over.

"Can I get two please?" Paige asked, putting one hand in her back pocket as the woman grabbed a small purple box with gold writing on the top, carefully placing the brownies inside on a thin layer of tissue paper. They added two vanilla lattes and Paige grabbed fresh fruit from a basket on the counter.

"Let me get mine." She pulled cash from her back pocket but Paige immediately shook her head and reached into her own pocket.

"No, this was my idea so I'm buying." She handed the woman a twenty and waited for the change before handing her one of the coffees from the counter, grabbing the purple box and leading her over to the couches in the corner.

"Well, then you have to let me say thank you this time." She sat down and set her cup on a small table that lay between them. Paige sunk into the couch across from her.

"Okay." Paige smiled. "But only because these brownies are amazing and they're gonna change your life."

Her cheeks warmed slightly. Somehow it wasn't the brownies responsible for changing her life but when Paige set the box down on the table and flipped open the lid it became clear that they would aid in the process. Either them directly or the way Paige picked off a piece and popped it into her mouth. She followed her lead and pulled a chunk off, chocolate melting on her tongue and caramel spreading like warm butter. Paige watched her and waited for her reaction.

"Wow, okay we need more than just two of those." She licked the remnants of sticky marshmallow from her fingertip.

"Oh I know." Paige said surely. "I usually clean them out before we leave town and hide boxes in my room." Paige held out an apple and an orange across the table, letting her choose first. She smiled and picked the apple and Paige leaned back into the quilted pillows.

"Do you really have to hide brownies in your room?" She asked, watching Paige dig her nails into the peel of the orange.

"Among other things." Her eyes flickered up briefly before she explained further. "People get drunk and start raiding the kitchen. It gets crazy and everything that's good...goes fast." Paige shook her head lightly.

"Well, at least Peter found what he needed in the kitchen." She noted.

Paige laughed and nodded. "Yes he did. But not everybody needs that. The rest of us hide chocolate."

She took a bite of her apple and watched Paige reach for another piece of the brownie and slip it into her mouth as she leaned back into the couch again. Her smile fading away as her eyes flickered to the designs on the throw pillow that Paige was leaning on. Diamond shapes of fabric sewn together, pinks and blues with tiny flowers. One patch of lavender with tiny white flowers and ivy resting below Paige's arm that resembled her old quilt. The scent of orange reached her nose as Paige pulled the fruit apart, making her mouth water and forcing her to look back to the fruit in her own hand. Wishing she had chosen the orange instead even though the apple was fine and the brownie was calling her for another bite.

* * *

Seeing Emily lick the chocolate from her finger brought her mind right back to the butter and salt of the popcorn she had made for her. Food was proving difficult to handle around her even though it was innocent. Even the apple was bad. Maybe unappealing items like oatmeal or sloppy joes...or maybe no food at all. Maybe just water.

She sighed and stood quickly, walking back over to the counter and feeling Emily's eyes on her back as the small woman appeared again.

"Can I get a box to go?" She asked, pointing to the brownies again.

"Two more?" The woman asked, folding another small purple box together and reaching for a sheet of gold tissue paper.

She shook her head. "Um no, just whatever you have left."

The woman smiled and replaced the small box with a much larger one, stacking the rest of the brownies carefully inside. She eyed the bowl of fruit as she waited, picking another red apple and adding it to the order. Twenty brownies and thirty-nine dollars later she slid the box into a purple paper bag with the same gold writing and handed it to her.

"Thanks." She smiled, dropping the apple inside and walking back over to Emily.

"Did you seriously just buy them all?" Emily's mouth dropped slightly but she shrugged, grabbing her coffee from the table.

"Yeah but I think I should start calling ahead. I got fifty last time and I don't think they were ready for me." She smiled. Emily laughed lightly and stood from the couch, grabbing the small empty box and tossing it in the trash can before picking up her own cup, looking to her for their next move. "Okay well, there's a market down the street so we can get anything that you need."

She pulled open the door and sounded the bell as she held it open for Emily. The feeling that came with being granted this gesture was beyond amazing. It was always in her nature to be the type to take care of everyone before herself. Maybe it just came with managing so many people and from being responsible for being in charge of everything that affected them all. Then again maybe not. It felt right and her reward was the pink on Emily's cheeks so nothing else mattered.

"I don't need anything, I promise." Emily shook her head firmly.

"Actually you said you needed a bar of soap and I don't have one." She smiled turning right down the sidewalk in the direction they had come from.

The market sat on the corner at the end of the street. It was the first building they had passed but at the moment food had been the priority. She smiled when Emily faltered by the door, half reaching for the handle but pulling back to allow her to do it instead. It was a good thing that Emily walked in ahead of her anyways so she could have the few extra seconds to control the heat on her own cheeks.

Once inside she edged around her and walked towards a wall of body products. She was running low on items too because other things had kept her occupied at the last stop and she didn't have time to run to the store. She spotted her usual bottles of shampoo and conditioner, grabbing them and holding them in her arm. Emily was busy immediately browsing over the different bottles, picking up a few to smell the contents before putting them right back.

She let her own eyes glide over the selection, smiling as she reached for a bar of soap on the bottom self. It was speckled with different shades of cream and wrapped in a thin light blue ribbon. "Will this work?" She asked, proudly holding it out to her.

Emily rolled her eyes and took the bar, bringing it to her nose as she smiled. "Wow, yeah." She nodded, grabbing two bottles from the shelf and turning towards the register with the soap still in her hand.

She looked wistfully at the bars of soap on the shelf as Emily walked away, wishing she had smelled it before giving it to her, wanting to grab another one so she could smell it now. But she couldn't bring herself to do it now because it felt wrong. Like a violation of privacy or an intimate detail that she had no right to have. Instead she followed Emily to the counter, sinking slightly when Emily turned around holding her small bag.

"I was going to get that." She stated, setting her bottles on the counter and reaching into her pocket for money.

Emily smiled proudly this time. "I'm sorry but the employees here know their prices by heart so I got yours too."

Her hand froze in her pocket as the man behind the counter handed her a paperback and turned away.

"Please tell me you didn't." She shook her head in disbelief but Emily rolled her eyes again.

"It's not a big deal besides I think I owe you for those brownies, among other things."

She grabbed the bag weakly and turned towards the door, smiling as she held it open for Emily. "Well thank you, but don't think I'm not counting that apology against you."

"Thank you? Do I need to start counting for you too?" Emily really smiled now.

"Touche." She nodded.

The smiles on Emily's face were growing closer together and becoming more frequent, but there were still moments when they were a struggle. Maybe it was habit for her to look sad and maybe it was something else. Like the smile that faded when they sat on the couches with the pillows. Just a flicker of some foreign emotion that passed like flashcards of memories being flipped through too quickly. Even now as they walked Emily's eyes were cast to the ground watching each step that she was carefully taking and wrapping one arm protectively across chest. She held her coffee cup by the lid with her other had along with the handle of the small bag. Emily was somewhere else entirely and she couldn't help but want to hold the hand that was shielding her heart.

In just an hour the grounds had begun to rapidly transform. Small tents where sprouting and posts were going into the ground for the big top.

Emily glanced around quickly. "Wow, this is amazing." She was like a child the way her face lit up again. "Is there a show tonight?"

She shook her head lightly. "No, the first show is tomorrow at..."

"Three?" Emily cut in. Her eyes were curious, eagerly wanting to know details to the life that she was now part of.

"Noon." She breathed looking at Emily, taken aback by the smile that tugged at her lips when she answered. "The second one is at three."

"I still have the flyer in my purse so that was a gamble." Emily smiled, sipping at her coffee and looking back at the colors of fabric being lifted into the air. There was a knowing look in her eyes as she dropped her hand from her chest and exhaled softly. Emily moved first, walking in the direction of where they had left Ember and it took a few moment for her to push her legs to follow. Her eyes found it difficult to leave the empty hand that now hung at her side as she walked a few steps behind but she smiled when she thought of Emily still having her picture in her purse.

"Seriously Paige, I have stuff to do and I'm late already." Peter pulled himself from the ground where he had apparently made himself comfortable, brushing grass from his jeans. Ember stood lazily by, becoming alert as soon as Emily closed in on him.

"Really, I'm sure Mary will understand. I'm surprised she's not already late for something herself." She cocked her head slightly and was proud that Emily managed to turn away before she could give away the smile on her lips too.

"You're so charming today." Peter smiled as he walked past, nudging his shoulder into her arm. She dropped the bags to ground and slugged him harder, shaking her head as he laughed and walked away.

"Are they a full-time thing?"

She turned to see the smile on Emily's face and shook her head firmly.

"No I don't think so. Just the one time and really I think it was just the motor boat." She laughed lightly as she bent to pick the apple out of the purple bag. Emily's eyes stayed on her as she walked to Ember and held it out to him, using her other hand to stroke his nose as she continued. "Mary's talented, don't get me wrong but I'm not sure she has it in her to stay exclusive and I don't think she wants to."

Emily looked up from the apple to meet her eyes, her voice hitching slightly in her throat. "She seems to care about you though."

"I care about her too. She's like the slutty big sister that everyone wants to have." She smiled and patted Ember's neck as he finished the rest of the apple.

"She said you found her?" Emily asked, turning and leaning her back against Ember's side.

She pushed one hand lightly into her front pocket and continued stroking his neck. "Five years ago in Albany." She nodded "I was out picking up a few things and I passed this little bar on the corner. Something made me stop. Some guy had her pinned on the ground in the alley."

"Was she okay?" Emily's eyes softened with a questioning sadness and her body tensed, wrapping her arms around her chest again.

"Yeah." She nodded weakly. "Yeah she was okay. She's strong." Emily relaxed slighty and while it made her feel better...the empathy in her reaction was heart wrenching. She could feel so deeply for someone she didn't know and none of it was asked of her. It was no wonder Ember reacted to her sadness when she tied gold and coral in his hair. Emily had fed that empathy into him. She shook her head lightly, clearing the fog as she continued. "Turns out she sang regularly at that bar and in the moment I was so angry at the thought of him coming back that I offered her a job. Now she drives us crazy everyday but I think she's probably half of the profit so it works out."

Emily smiled again. "Do you have a thing for saving girls from bars?"

"No, I used to have a thing for bars in general." She shook her head, dropping her hand back to her side. "I only take responsibility for saving Mary. The other girl was strong enough to save herself."

Emily's tightened her arms around her chest and as her eyes flickered down to her empty hand, her breathing slowed. When they were walking into town Emily had tightened her grip and she wanted to return it but Emily was like a flower in her fingers that she didn't want to break. Then the softness disappeared and all she wanted now...was that touch again.

"Paige?" The radio sounded in her back pocket and she pulled it out quickly, stepping back from Ember. The speaker beeped between calls and she didn't want to the frequency to scare him.

"Yeah?" She asked.

Peter's voice sounded again. "They have a stall set up."

She pushed the radio into her pocket and turned to Emily who swallowed hard and brushed his neck automatically, asking him to follow. She bent down to pick up the bags from the ground and led the way, Emily falling into step at her side. The deep red of the big top had now been hoisted into the air and staked into the ground. She held the curtain open at the back of the tent and let Emily lead Ember through first.

"Wow, this is familiar." Emily smiled looking around the space enclosed in blue streams of fabric. Other than an extra stall in the corner everything was the same. A chair resting in the far corner and bales of hay sitting in another.

"It's usually the same. Being behind a maze of curtains is hard enough to navigate without changing it up on everyone." She walked over to the empty stall and held it open for Emily to lead him in. A bucket of fresh water and feed waited and the soft grass was scattered with straw.

"That makes sense." Emily nodded. "Does it get old though? The same thing in every town?"

"It's more of a comfort actually." she shrugged. "Like coming home to what you love and what you know. You could pick it up and put it anywhere you want but it's always familiar. Towns offer enough surprises by themselves so its nice to have one sure thing."

"See that wasn't the case for me." Emily shook her head and stepped out of the stall, closing the gate behind her and walking over to sit on the bale of hay. She followed her over and sat down beside her, dropping their bags to the ground before Emily continued."I lived in the same house in the same town for most of my life. It used to be familiar but I eventually I couldn't even recognize it."

"What was comfortable for you as a child isn't always the same when you grow up. You learn and you change and it may have been the right home for you at one point but that doesn't mean its the right one now." She watched as Emily leaned back on her elbows, struck by how different it was from the last time they sat here together, in a different place entirely. Rosewood was far away and so was that Emily. She was broken and ready to cave in on herself at any moment and now she was a far cry from where she'd been.

"What about you though?" Emily shifted towards her, picking at the hay. "You love all of this and you were willing to give it up."

"I didn't always love all of this. Yes I wanted to leave Rosewood but I still fought it. I rebelled and snuck out at stops. I think I probably gave my parents a heart attack on a daily basis but, I'm thankfully a fast learner. I got used to all of this and I fell in love with it and I know I'm better for leaving." Emily's hand froze in the straw and their eyes met. She was looking at her with the same questioning sadness as before only this time with more hesitance. Her eyes flickered away quickly and picked at the strands again. "I love it all because its home but that doesn't mean that its complete. Besides, your alternative was probably better than me staying because now Hanna can't park you in front of moving trains."

Emily laughed lightly and straightened herself up. "True, because now I'm living on a moving train."

"To be fair its stopped right now." She teased with a smile. "You could run if you want to."

"Paige?" Peter appeared through the curtains, peeking his head in like he was worried that he was interrupting. "We're all heading in, I think everything is pretty much done out here. Rounds?"

She stood and brushed off her jeans, walking over to Peter to take the clip board from his hands before turning back to Emily. "You can come if you want. It'll just be a few minutes."

Emily's eyes moved from Peter back to her and she shook her head lightly. "I'll stay with Ember until your done." She stood and walked back over to his stall.

"Okay, I'll be right back." She moved around Peter and through the curtain, the task at hand erasing every thought from her mind.

In the main arena the rings were already snapped into place and the stands were up. The checklist in her hand was lengthy if you didn't know where to look for everything but in seven years it was easy work. Thinking wasn't necessary because the routine was so well-known just from the three years of doing it on her own. Check marks beside safety procedures, illuminated exits and wide clear walkways. Checks beside security measures around animal inhabited areas. That one needed to be checked twice because Emily had slipped through so easily.

She smiled as she peeked through a curtain where two men were posted, guarding a large cage painted intricately in red and gold. She stepped inside the curtain and walked directly to the lock, pulling on it to insure it was secure.

"Hey Stella." She called, checking a mark off on the clipboard.

The white Bengal tiger stretched lazily on the soft bedding inside, rolling partially onto her back and wiping a paw over her face.

"Why are you tired?" She frowned. "You haven't done anything today."

There were three tigers that she worked with. Stella was the most popular because she was a better actress and the other two were boarded at a rescue and where on-call in case she needed the break. She hadn't needed to make that call so far. Stella seemed more than content being lazy and at night she loved the spotlight.

She walked the outside perimeter and checked the clearance for walkways again and headed to the 'backstage' area. Props where stacked carefully against the sides allowing easy movement without tripping in the dark and the sound equipment cables were tacked down. There were so many convention centers trying to convince her to house the show inside of their indoor arenas but it wasn't right. It wasn't how circus was intended to be. Cold stone walls instead of a deep red tent or hard concrete floors instead of the soft grass. This was warm and exotic and she'd never give in to changing it.

Voices carried from overhead as a worker balanced on a tall ladder, stringing the small lights above while another stood by watching. She stopped to watch too, remembering how she felt when they had been coiled up in Rosewood. The sadness she felt watching the red tent fall to the ground and the twinkling lights being packed away. She missed Emily then and the hopelessness that she felt was overwhelming. So different from how she felt now and 24 hours hadn't even passed yet. It already felt like forever ago and Emily was only a few curtains away, yet she could still feel the pain in her stomach when she ripped the check and the ache in her chest when Ember nudged her. She could feel anxiety from the train pushing forward and fear from thinking something was lost to her forever. Remembering all of those things made her appreciate how she was feeling now. It made it even more real that she was feeling so much more.

Her eyes moved back to the clipboard as she walked by the ladder.

"You should be holding the ladder unless you want me getting sued when he falls because if he does I'll have your ass." She said flatly, walking in the direction that was calling to her. Movement behind her told her that they had followed the command quickly.

She stepped over the barrier of one of the rings and stopped short as Peter walked in front of her, making her take a step back to avoid being knocked over.

"Easy tiger." She smiled, slapping the clipboard back in his hand. "You're on bra detail for tomorrow so find Mary."

Peter took the checklist, smiling proudly as he walked away which was odd considering he usually had at least some form of response. Often a weak attempt but at least he tried.

"Oh come on, give me something to work with!" She shouted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I think you'll be happy with what you're about to work with." Peter shouted without turning around, continuing his fast pace outside.

"Cryptic does not look good on you!" She shook her head questioningly and moved through the arena and back towards the blue curtain, stopping as soon as she entered when she realized that what she was searching for was no longer there.

* * *

Paige pushed through the blue curtain clutching the clipboard and leaving her alone with Peter who lingered awkwardly behind. She watched Ember bow his head lazily, still aware that she was being watched. It was more comforting than anything and relaxed her mind enough to think clearly. Everyone Paige surrounded herself with seemed like faint images of herself. It probably came from being around them for so long but even with the similarities and the friendly banter, Paige was so much brighter. In a way it seemed like they were made better by being near her and she felt that too. A magnetic pull to be near her and no desire at all to stay away. The way Paige and Peter could play rough and yet her eyes said she loved him. She could joke about Mary while her eyes said the same thing. She cares deeply for everyone around her and asks for nothing in return. Ember leaned his head over the gate and nudged her arm. Her mind went to the apple that Paige had thought to bring back for him and with that she found her hands stroking across the feather.

"I think it's a good idea." Peter said, stepping up beside her.

"Whats that?" She asked, looking at him questioningly.

"What you were just thinking." He smiled. "Paige would think so too."

She looked back to Ember, weighing the thoughts that she knew he was referring to. The thoughts that had been on her mind since the moment she signed the contract over to Paige. She just hadn't known at the time that she would get the chance to see those thoughts through.

"Does Paige get that from you or do you get that from her?"

Peter smiled and looked down. "What exactly?"

"What you're thinking right now." She retorted and straightened herself off the gate to face him. His smile widened as he chuckled lightly.

"The wise psychic abilities come from her. That kind of care is something I learned along the way but I think she's one of the rare few that's always had it."

"How long have you been around each other?"

"I was actually her age now when I first met her. She was about this tall." He held his hand to right below his waist and smiled. "I had just started working for her grandfather in Lincoln and she was visiting with her parents. She marched in with those big wide eyes and jumped right into the middle ring. Five years old and ready to run this whole thing on her own. She was the same then. Intuitive and curious to how everything worked. She would panic if she didn't know every secret behind every act. I'd see her every summer bossing performers around or sitting quietly and just watching. Studying the way everything came together. Paige was made for all of this."

"I can see that." She smiled, nodding as he spoke.

"Well, she's not bossy unless it's called for and I don't think you have anything to worry about there. But then again she's got a little more strength behind her attitude today for some reason." Peter's eyes flickered lightly to hers before he turned and walked towards the curtain, stopping half way. "I'm with you...on that thought of yours." He smiled and disappeared through the stream of blue.

Anxiety crept into her body and she stared at the closed blue curtain for longer than she should have before she looked at Ember. Questions nagging at her mind that she wanted answers to but knew she had no right asking. Paige had said that she couldn't leave Rosewood if she owed her and even with wanting to respect that she had still left the check on the seat of the truck. She told herself it was because she owed it to Ember but that wasn't the whole truth. Her mind had done several new things that night and that check was the first step. It was her way of telling Paige that she wanted her before she had even admitted it to herself. A way of wanting her to stay. Falling on the stairs was her mind's way of numbing the pain she had inflicted on herself that way it could turn around and stab feeling back into her body at full force once she grew comfortable with the idea of feeling nothing. The slide show of images in her mind and the fire in her throat from the scent. She owed everything to Paige for giving her the reason to save herself. Paige was right. There shouldn't be any apologies or thank you's. They weren't nearly enough.

Ember stamped his foot impatiently and she reached, stroking his nose lightly. Her fingers freezing when she noticed the visible twitch under his skin that was radiating through his body. A longing to be free and a strong desire to stay where he felt at home. It just so happened that both of those needs could be met in the same place.

Here...with her.

* * *

The stall was empty. She didn't have to walk closer to check because even though the gate was closed tight, she knew better. Their bags from town still sat by the bale of hay. Curiosity had her pushing through the back curtain and outside, expecting to see Emily. She walked around the edge of the tent, ducking between smaller vendor tents. Ten minutes later she had covered the entire grounds and it was amazing that it took her that long to realize what was going on.

"Peter?" She called into the radio, waiting for his voice to break through the static. "Peter, do we need to discuss proper radio etiquette?" Still static.

She pushed the radio back into her pocket and looked around quickly, her eyes spotting Riley sitting by the tent pouring lighter fluid over juggling clubs.

"Have you seen Emily?" She asked, stopping beside him. He was holding his metal Zippo in his teeth but he nodded and dropped it to the grass.

"Yeah, she headed that way about twenty minutes ago." He pointed to the side of the tracks opposite from them and the town, steep mountains covered in dense forests. Instantly she felt happy that at least she knew the area well. Emily on the other hand...didn't. She turned away immediately and began a quick pace towards the tracks.

"McCullers!" Riley shouted after her.

"What?" She turned around and continued a backward stride.

"Take one of the ponies." He laughed, picking his lighter back off the ground. She cocked her head slightly and smiled.

"You're adorable Riley, but you know that's not exactly my idea of horsepower."

"16 is unlocked." He smiled mischievously.

"It better be." She yelled turning around to continue a faster walk to the back of the train. Twenty minutes is a big head start on horseback but she had confidence that she could catch up, or at least meet Emily on her way back. The worry came from the thought of her being alone in an area that she wasn't familiar with. She channeled that worry into adrenaline as she gripped the steel handle of car 16 and rolled the door open, her eyes falling lightly on the shiny black truck resting just inside. It was a shame that the ramp was in place already because it would be so much more fun driving off the edge without it.

She edged quickly around the side of the truck, forgetting it completely and setting her sights on a tarp in the back corner. Her hand latched onto the canvas and tugged it off, tossing it aside and taking in the cherry red paint. Her idea of horsepower...had nothing to do with a horse. She gripped the handle bars and kicked the wood block out from underneath before swinging her leg over the black leather of the seat. She balanced the bike between her legs as she switched the tiny button under her right hand to the on position then she leaned forward and slammed her right boot down hard into the kick-start. A smile spread across her lips as the dirt bike sent vibrations through her body and the smell of gasoline reached her nose. She revved the throttle, sending the loud growl of the engine through her ears, spreading goosebumps across her skin. This was easily her favorite pastime and the best way for her to unwind but right now... she needed to find Emily. She held in the clutch and tapped her foot into first gear then slowly released the her grip.

As it would turn out the ramp being there made no difference because she cleared it completely, kicking up a cloud of dust and gravel as the tires hit the ground and plowed over the tracks.

* * *

**Good With You - L.P (I Do Not Own These Lyrics)**

Mostly I'm bad  
Mostly I make the people that care about me and love me sad - I don't know why  
Mostly I lie  
Maybe it's because I don't want anyone to know who I am  
Oh, but you with your angel face  
You take me to a place I've never been  
Oh, and you with your innocence  
You break through my defense

I'm only good with you  
I'm only good with you  
I've done so many things  
I've sung a thousand songs  
What did you see in me?  
It's still a mystery  
Thought that I was through  
You made me someone new

And I'm only good with you  
I'm only good with you

Mostly I'm a mess  
I never say no, get myself in trouble telling everybody yes - I don't know why  
Oh, but you with your fearless love  
You're better than any drug I ever had  
Oh, and you make me see the light  
In the darkest night

I'm only good with you  
I'm only good with you  
I've done so many things  
I've sung a thousand songs  
What did you see in me?  
It's still a mystery  
Thought that I was through  
You made me someone new

And I'm only good with you  
I'm only good with you

When you're around  
All the demons in my head  
Can't be found  
Can't be found, can't be found

I'm only good with you  
I'm only good with you  
I've done so many things  
I've sung a thousand songs  
What did you see in me?  
It's still a mystery  
Thought that I was through  
You made me someone new

And I'm only good with you  
I'm only good with you


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry this took so long. Its a long chapter mostly because i couldn't find the right stopping place to really do it justice and then i found the best. i feel this is a chapter that stands on its own without many words from me. So I hope you all enjoy it and thank you for the amazing reviews and continuing support. #revelations #race #Emilyinthecrossfire #touchinthenight

Saii79, Lainierb, AliasThorne my #KindaBritt, checkerboard321, Shokosik, silentwonder510, LindyLLLeigh, EyeOpener16, paily-pll, haitus89, , glorymania, soundslikelife8, Sazar, Coyote. THANK YOU!

* * *

Ember walked beside her as she led him out of the tent. Riley stood nearby, tossing silver pins into the air. She noted the can of lighter fluid at his feet and somehow that didn't surprise her. He just smiled knowingly as she passed like her actions weren't the least bit surprising. But why would they be? She headed towards the outskirts of the grounds and towards the back of the train. The trees were dense in all directions but there was a small gravel road on the other side of the tracks that disappeared into the woods. Streams of sunlight broke through the clouds in small patches that resembled spotlights shining down over the mountains and the breeze was soft and warm.

Ember knelt as she nudged his front leg lightly, an excitement racing through her body. She thought she would never get to experience this moment again and all of the peace that came with it but she was here, next to him as he bowed his head down to the ground. She took a deep breath and threw her leg over his back, twisting his fingers into his mane. Her heart skipped when he brought himself up without having to click her tongue and give the command, knowing exactly what she needed because he needed it too. She nudged her heel lightly and worked him into a slow trot towards the dirt road and he stamped impatiently beneath her as they cleared the tracks. It felt more vast here without the tents and people around and even with the closeness of the trees and the mountains that shot straight up, it was wide open.

"Come on." She urged, tapping her heel again. He stamped and shot forward, the wind blowing her hair from her neck and the red velvet out behind her. The road was narrow and shadowed as the trees formed a canopy over head. The steep climb of the mountain closed in tighter to the right side of the road, towering above her. The left side was more level, still dense with forest.

Ember panted lightly as he pushed faster and as a fork appeared in the road ahead and as her eyes studied each option quickly... she leaned into him, resting her head above his shoulder and closing her eyes. Trust resting completely in him and knowing that he felt it. She knew which road she would choose and she hoped he did too. The seconds ticked by as her heart rate increased. She could feel the slight shift of his body as be made his decision, and she smiled knowing that he was leading her down the lighter path. As she opened her eyes and pushed herself back up the trees began to thin out around them. The mountain no longer edged the side of the road because it was now behind them, sunlight spreading brighter through the trees ahead until the road widened. She clenched her thighs around his body as her eyes fell on a broken tree blocking their path, her fingers instantly releasing his mane as he picked up speed. She was ready for what she knew was coming and he was going too fast for her to stop him in time. There was a clear gap around the fallen tree but he wasn't aiming for that. He didn't want the easy path he wanted the challenge. He wanted the same fire in his veins that she felt in her own. Paige appeared before her eyes, smiling at her as she braided the straw in her fingers. The sound of Ember's hooves disappeared and was replaced with the sound of her voice. It filled her ears and that fire that burned through her turned into an untamed blaze as she felt the warmth of the scarf around the back of her neck, taking her mind back to the memory of gold buttons between her fingertips. Her thoughts so occupied that she didn't realize that the fallen tree was now twenty feet behind them. Her heart raced in amazement. She had trained him yes, but jumping was not something they had touched on. Only once had she even attempted it and it had resulted in Ember locking his legs and sending her to the ground and causing a broken wrist. To be fair she had only been caring for him a little over a week at that point but she never pushed the idea again. He trusted her now.

Suddenly puzzle pieces began clicking into place and as Ember emerged into a small meadow she tugged lightly on his mane and brought him to a stop, turning him around again. The air escaped her lungs in ragged breaths and her blood was pumping too fast to think clearly. Ember stamped impatiently. Making her move quickly she nudged her heel into his side, hooves tearing across the field as he closed in on the fallen tree again and when he cleared the jump with ease...she knew exactly what she wanted.

"Again." she whispered.

* * *

The tires skidded over the ground slightly as she cleared the tracks, kicking gravel up over her boots. She steered towards the small dirt road, tapping her foot into second gear, and then third. Trees became a smeared water-color around her and the only thing she could focus on was the twisting of the road and the pounding in her chest. The warm air whipping her hair from her shoulders. She had driven here before but it had been a year since and while her memory of the area was good, this road also split into two and one of those roads split into several more. She always made the most of free time at stops for obvious reasons. After work was done there was no desire to sit around on the train when she could be doing this. Yes the stillness of just sitting down was nice but with being so used to movement it was easy to become too restless with staying in one place. Old habits die hard, or more like current habits.

Her heart sank lightly when she closed in on the fork without running into Emily. She tapped her foot down quickly and skidded into a stop, sending dirt flying as the tires dug into the ground. The road to her right arched around the backside of the mountain, hugging the jagged rocks closely. It was shaded and quiet, probably the more peaceful of the two. The one to the left shot out and away from the mountain, the sunlight flickering through the branches and more movement from the wind blowing through the trees. She up shifted and turned down the left road, replying on the hope that Emily would have taken this path because the other was a maze that she spent hours in last summer. It was odd considering there was absolutely nothing back here. No houses or anything for miles yet the paths were laid clear and surrounded by immense ferns and dense oaks.

The trees brightened as she neared the tiny clearing that she knew well and the fallen tree that she remembered, but as she drew closer she tapped the brakes and stopped, killing the engine quickly and balancing the bike between her legs. She was still a few hundred yards away from the field but she could see the flash of black clearly so she stayed, observing silently and from a distance. Her breath caught in her throat as she watched Emily's hair blowing out behind her as Ember ran through the tall grass. The streams of sunlight shone down in thin silky strands, catching the white of Emily's shirt and making it glow brightly. There was so much strength in her form and confidence behind the movement of her hips.

She swallowed hard and slid off the bike, leaning it against the fallen tree and stepping around it. The wind picked up slightly as she emerged from the trees and into the meadow. Somehow without the cover of the woods the air felt warmer here. The sun hitting it more directly though that wasn't the only thing shining at the moment. Emily looked over and saw her, a smile spreading across her lips. Excitement and pride and the only thing she could do was stare, breathless from the beauty of the moment and the clarity that came with it. It was like a fog being lifted from her mind. A thick cloud that she hadn't even realized was there until now. Seeing Emily smile and feeling good, proud of what she was doing. The fact that she had come out here on her own and that she didn't tell anyone where she was going. She was empowered beyond what she had witness before. Emily wasn't leaning into her. This wasn't a glimpse of her standing on her own. This was Emily pushing full force into a future that was foreign to her and yet she wasn't faltering. She hadn't woken up in a panic...she was happy.

Ember knelt slightly and Emily slid from his back, smiling as she walked over. "How did you find me?"

"I've been here before remember?" She pointed out.

Emily nodded and her expression changed as she lost her smile and looked at Ember. "I asked you earlier what you thought of me riding..."

She swallowed hard and nodded, tucking her hands into her back pockets. "Yeah...its amazing." Emily moved her eyes to the ground, weighing thoughts in her mind as she struggled to find her words. A mix of emotions that she couldn't place and a complete change from the smile just seconds ago. She couldn't even discern if they were good or bad but only that she was far away. Everything shifted suddenly, the way the room moves when you stand up too quickly or the way you nearly fall from standing with your knees locked. Blue spots creeping into her line of vision, blurring just around the edges. She was only half aware of her heartbeat slowing and the air freezing in her chest and the fact that she was able to find words...was a miracle. "Em, what's wrong?" She pressed, her voice barely a whisper.

Emily's eyes shot up to meet hers, softening instantly. They were soft before but now for some reason...they melted completely and that struggle disappeared. "You've already done so much for me and you can say no, I'll understand but...last night I wasn't exactly asking what you think of me when I'm riding. I was asking what you'd think about me riding...as an act."

She couldn't help the audible breath that left her lips as oxygen was ripped from her lungs. She couldn't hear her heartbeat anymore and the spinning of the ground made her take an actual step back to keep from falling. She lost her thoughts instantly and for a moment she forgot what they were even discussing at all, even her name. But only for a moment. Something like Emily telling her that not only does she want to be near her but that she wants to be part of her life, a big part, a solid part and that she had no intention of running away...that couldn't be forgotten. Emily knew exactly what she was doing and what she wanted. Emily riding through the field was her chosing for herself, it was the clearest and purest image of her standing on her own. And there was never a chance of telling Emily 'no'.

"Paige?" Emily stepped closer, an uncertainty in her eyes that shook her to the core and forced her to focus again.

"I..." She shook her head lightly and pulled her hands from her pockets, clenching her fists to hide the tremble that had started there. "I...I think it's a perfect idea." She nodded.

Emily exhaled softly and she expected her to speak again but she didn't. The shaking left her body instantly as Emily crashed into her, wrapping her arms around her neck. Thoughts were lost again. Time was lost. Fire burned instantly through her body as she relaxed her hands and moved them to Emily's back, breathing in deeply the scent of warm sugar that clung to her and relishing the way the heat of her skin soaked through the white of her shirt, tingling her fingertips. Emily pulled back quickly and smiled, hesitation returning to the moment though her smile was still strong. She could see the visible tense of her jaw and knew to look for it because she was doing the same thing at the moment. Her teeth were screaming.

"You have to let me thank you for this one." Emily pleaded. It was cute but only elicited a groan from her throat.

"Noooo...please don't." She begged, smiling as she sunk down to the tall grass. Emily sighed and rolled her eyes, following her down to sit beside her, twisting her fingers into the grass between them. It was clear she wanted to protest but it was mute argument and she seemed to finally accept that. This was the last thing Emily should be thanking her for. It felt like it should be the other way around.

"So, McCullers' Circus..." Emily said proudly.

"Do you want to hear something funny?" She asked. Emily nodded enthusiastically and smiled, waiting patiently as she plucked a piece of grass from the ground before she continued. "It's wasnt always called that. It was McCullers & Sons for almost a hundred years and my grandpa insisted on revamping the name when I was born. He said when the time came he wanted it to be mine too." She picked another piece of tall grass and began the braid. "I'm actually the first girl on his side. Apparently my family has something against reproducing because I think the line dies with me. Or maybe I'm the reason they didn't have anymore kids." She joked, smiling thoughtfully as she met Emily's eyes, her smile vanishing instantly when she realized that Emily wasn't smiling as much. She looked sad and that was the opposite of what she had intended. That same questioning look in her eyes that she was trying so hard to hide. She couldn't let Emily be responsible for asking the next question. The question she knew Emily was considering at the moment. She didn't want the guilt that Emily would feel if she let her ask. She was already stronger but nothing made her want to compromise that progress with something as useless and unfounded as guilt. "They passed away. My parents." Yes saying it brought a mix of emotions but it had been three years and the wounds were mostly healed. Always there of course, but the pain wasn't. "We were in off season driving through Colorado and the roads were bad. It was dark and we should have just stopped because the snow was too thick to see through..." She kept her voice steady, for Emily's sake more than her own. Time made these things easier to talk about and she was okay now. Emily's eyes were sad but she was okay too. Patient and quiet...just listening. "I had a few months before the new season started and if my parents taught me anything it was to not give up when things get hard. To do whatever it takes to make yourself happy again. The circus started again and I found a true happiness with carrying it on." She smiled lightly to reassure Emily. The last things she wanted was Emily to be sad over something that she herself had accepted and had grown from. It made her who was today and that shouldn't be seen as a bad thing.

Emily sighed lightly after a few seconds and shifted her body slightly, facing her more directly. She stilled the braid in her hand and watched her thoughtfully, studying the way her face changed from sadness to calm. She wanted to read every thought in her mind, to know everything that had ever hurt her so that she could be sure that she would never go through it again.

* * *

Watching and listening to Paige talk about something so difficult with such strength and peace made her question her own ability. It put everything into focus and forced the last six years in front of her eyes in an instant. It wasn't difficult to think about Maya anymore, it hadn't been in years, so far in the past that it didn't seem real. Like it was a life belonging to someone else that she was merely present for without playing any role at all.

"I lost someone too." She kept her voice soft. Paige was listening so intently that she knew she wouldn't miss a single word, or feeling. "Maya, my girl friend in high school. I know it's not the same, not even close but..."

"That's not true." Paige whispered, shaking her head lightly. "Parents kinda have to love you but...someone who loves you on their own, someone that choses to give you every piece of themselves...I can't imagine losing that. I think that would affect me forever."

"It doesn't hurt so much anymore. I mean it's there but it's not. After Ali it was too much too soon and I just gave up because it was the easiest thing to do."

Paige nodded, picking lightly at the grass braid. "I remember hearing about what happened to them. I'm sorry." She breathed. "If I lost anyone that I loved like that...I'd be completely lost." Paige sighed and began breaking apart the small braid, letting the grass fall back to the ground.

She watched Paige's eye brows furrow slightly. It was small, but there and something else about what Paige had said last night was picking at her. Something that surfaced suddenly with the mention of a name and for the first time she felt strong enough to ask.

"Paige?" She watched as Paige met her eyes and held them softly, waiting. Part of her melted everytime Paige gave her that look. The eagerness to give her every piece of knowledge she desired without a second of hesitation. The change came when Paige had offered information without her asking. "Why did you leave Rosewood? You said someone knew more about you then you knew about yourself and that stuck with me for some reason."

Paige stayed on her eyes, weighing the thoughts that were now passing through her mind like she wasn't sure how to answer exactly, even though it was clear that she wanted to. There was a flicker of panick through her eyes at the slight chance that she couldn't answer. Seconds passed and another familiar look passed through her. It was the same look Paige had given her when she walked her home from the bar, the same look when she had signed over the contract to Ember. It was the same look she gave her when she was afraid of saying something that might hurt her. Whenever Paige's only concern was to protect her. It was surprising to her that she was able to recognize the difference so quickl, so naturally, like she had had a lifetime to learn them.

"I wanted to know you...and Alison noticed. She knew what I felt before I did. I wanted to leave because I wanted the chance to learn about myself without her telling me how I felt." Paige smiled lightly and looked down at her hands, a strong resolve in this girl that was something she desperately wanted for herself. She felt deeply and was so much stronger for everything she had been through. It was startling to see the differences in how they had handled their own tragedies. Paige looked at the sky turning slightly pink through the clouds, taking a shallow breath before she spoke again. "Other things affected my decision to leave, it wasn't just Alison and honestly it had less to do with her. The show came around at the right time and I felt like it was meant to happen that way because I wanted it so much when I was little. It always made me happy and I wanted to be happy and the timing was just a sign that it was what i needed."

She smiled as she watched the sunlight stream across Paige's face like the spotlight of the circus, sparkling across flecks of particles in the air like glitter falling around her and catching fire to the red in her hair. The universe was showing her a clear path that she needed to take. A way for her to be happy again and a way for her to truly be deserving of a girl like Paige McCullers. She had been in the darkness too long and she wanted out. The timing was perfect for her too. She crashed and burned two days ago but Paige gave her a hope and reason to pull herself up again. She gave her the ability to want again.

"I don't want to live the way I have been, not anymore." She whispered, looking at Ember who was grazing nearby. "I want to have a place with the show. I want to stay."

Paige nodded lightly and smiled. "I want that too." She pulled herself off of the ground slowly and brushed the grass from her jeans before extending her hand. "Let's get back to the circus."

She smiled and accepted her hand, loving the heat and the strength that was pulling her to her feet. The trust she felt from Paige being at the tips of her fingers was the trust she was beginning to feel in herself again. Ember perked up as they walked from the clearing back towards the gravel road and he followed lazily behind. She crinkled her brow when she turned to look over her shoulder at him.

"How did you get out here so fast?" She asked.

Paige's smile widened. "You have your ride and I have mine. I'll give you a head start."

She followed Paige's eyes to the fallen tree, smiling as she took in the red paint of the dirt bike leaning against the trunk.

"I don't need you to give me a head start." She looked proudly at Paige who just shrugged passively.

"I know you don't." Paige agreed.

She shook her head firmly. "Oh no, don't do that."

Paige grinned and looked at her in shock. "What?"

"Don't just cave like that. If you wanna play then let's go." She challenged.

"Fine." Paige laughed. "Lay down the rules."

"I opt for no rules. Let's do this the right way." She smiled as Ember stopped by her side.

"Wouldn't have it any other way." Paige teased.

Her smile faded slightly when Paige pulled up the bike and slipped her leg over, straddling the seat. The hem of the pale green shirt inching up from the small of her back revealing creamy skin that closed her airway instantly. She swallowed hard and focused her attention on Ember, clicking her tongue and throwing her leg over his back. She wasn't aware Paige was watching her too until their eyes met, both of them smiling at the challenge.

Paige crinkled her brows in concern. "I don't know if the noise will scare him."

"Only one way to find out." She tapped Ember's back hip, commanding him to step back as Paige turned her back to her again and brought her boot up to the silver pedal.

A few inappropriate thoughts placed themselves in her mind as that action pulled her shirt slightly higher off of her hip, exposing the side of her flat stomach. Her breathing stopped completely when she slammed her right boot hard into the pedal, kicking the engine to life in a sound she knew would be vibrating through her body. Much stronger thoughts came with that action but they disappeared quickly when she noticed that Paige was looking at her again.

It was at least good to know that she had managed to keep her face neutral during those thoughts because Paige showed no sign of anything being noticed. Her attention was focused solely on Ember's reaction which was alert but steady. She nudged him lightly and lined him up with the bike on her left side. If she had difficulty focusing around Paige before...it was impossible now. She met her eyes briefly and watched her twist her hand on the throttle, revving the engine.

"Say when." Paige smiled.

"Ladies first." She shot back, earning a laugh from Paige's lips.

She saw her flick her wrist and she moved instantly, kicking her foot into Ember's side as the gravel spit out from under the bike's tires. He pushed hard, unphased by the roar of the engine beside him. The best part of this situation was that she was riding an animal with eyes of his own. She could look over and see Paige's long curls blowing back off of her shoulders and the wind teasing at the hem if her shirt. She could see the pink on her cheeks and her thighs gripping the seat as her boot slammed into a higher gear. She turned her eyes to the road ahead, focusing on the task at hand.

The sides were level and covered in greenery with trees spaced evenly apart. As she looked to the right she could see the other road through the trees and knew they were approaching the fork. No rules. She leaned forward into Ember and tugged his mane, steering him into a jump off of the road and into the trees, planning on cutting across to the other road and heading Paige off. There was no clear trail here and she was forced to rely heavily on Ember speed and precision to get through. Tall ferns brushed across her jeans and she carefully kept her body low to avoid branches. She couldn't bring herself to look for Paige and she couldn't control the adrenaline coursing through her veins. Like an IV dripping pure caffeine into her body. The break in the trees was close and when his hooves finally slammed into gravel again she turned to see Paige skid around the corner, kicking up a cloud of dust. The sound of the engine up-shifting made her kick harder, tightening her thighs and leaning into Ember to help with speed.

Paige caught up instantly but she lingered slightly behind and that only resulted in Ember pushing harder and its exactly what she wanted. She was testing him on purpose. Seeing what he was capable of and Ember was more than happy to prove himself. With the train tracks in sight he knew he was close to the end, panting beneath her as his muscles worked harder. She released his mane and let him set his own pace but he didn't slow, too determined to stop...he jumped, clearing the tracks completely before she tugged his hair and slowed him carefully, bringing him to a stop outside of the tent. Paige skidded to a hard stop beside them, breathing heavily as she balanced the bike and rested into the seat, letting the engine die.

"Yeah, I definitely think the show has room for you." She smiled.

She slid from Ember's back and smiled proudly, breathless for reasons that had nothing to do with the race. The sun was setting over the mountains behind Paige's head making her hair glow red as dust settled around her. It was also the proud smile she saw on her lips as she looked at her. Paige was proud of her and that made her even more proud of herself.

* * *

She'd never felt more hope in her life than she felt in this moment. Emily slipped down from Ember's back and the happiness she saw on her face was worth everything she had been through to get to this point. Emily was trusting in her and confiding in her and fighting to regain control over her life. Emily had lost so much more than she had and the harsh reality was that she wouldn't survive if she lost Emily. She didn't even have her and yet the thought of losing her clenched painfully in her mind. She could feel the emptiness in her chest and the stabbing in her stomach just by thinking about it. The amazing part was riding beside her and watching the determination and the fight she had for proving that she was okay. The genuine smile that came with her desire to live again. The smile that came to her own lips when she thought of Emily wanting to stay.

Her eyes flickered away from Emily, and past where she stood. The deep red of the big top looming behind her shoulder now lit up with the tiny twinkling lights. They were draped around the outside of the tent and behind Emily...they sparkled. Emily fit here better than she did herself. The epitome of perfection when riding and completely flawless against the colors of the tents around her. The circus always seemed like the most intricate array of patterns and colors but next to Emily...it was the most simple and ordinary thing she had ever seen. There was no need for double meanings because the meaning was clear. It was never Ember. Emily made everything that she touched...more beautiful.

Movement over Emily's shoulder caught her attention. "No!" She snapped, dropping the bike harshly to the ground and storming past Emily, pointing her finger at Peter as he walked to the train. "No no no!"

Peter stopped and smiled, dangling the purple bag from his hand. "You left them in the tent so..."

"Would you like to lose your self-respect and your life in one day? Because I will kill you and eat those brownies while laughing over your body."

"Self respect?" He laughed, handing the bag over to her.

"Buy a pillow with the money I pay you so you don't have to use Mary." She smiled. "Oh, and thanks for giving me something to work with." She winked, turning back to Emily waiting nearby.

"Yeah, I thought you'd like that!" He called after her.

She smiled as she reached Emily's side, bending down to pick the bike up off the ground.

"Something to work with?" Emily smiled, touching Embers neck as they walked into the back of the tent.

"Peter's just proud for playing a part in your decision to be in the show." She explained, sighing lightly as Emily's smile spread excitedly at just the thought.

"If there was a person that played a part in that decision it wasn't him. All of the credit goes to Mary." Emily teased, holding the stall open.

She shook her head in disbelief, stepping on the kick stand of the dirt bike. "What the hell did she say to you?"

Emily just laughed it off, closing the gate behind Ember. "Nothing, I promise."

The sky was darkening through the red fabric, sunset light mixing with the blue of the curtains into a bright purple in the air around Emily's face. They left their ideas of horsepower behind and walked out into the arena. She heard the hitch in Emily's throat as she looked up at the tiny glass bulbs.

"So, what do you have in mind?" She tilted her head, listening intently.

Emily shrugged lightly and focused on canvassing the area with her eyes, walking slowly as she looked around. She stopped after a few minutes, standing in the middle ring. A thought crossed her mind and she back stepped and left her standing in the center, walking to the sound and lighting booth behind the curtain. Emily hadn't noticed, she was too busy trying to visualize what she was now a part of. The circus she hadn't actually seen. She grabbed a small remote from the booth and walked back out, aiming for the bleachers. Emily was still lost, her eyes flickering slowly around the rings and the twinkling lights. The dirt packed ground and the patches of soft green grass. The sun lowered with every second and Emily was losing sight of everything around her in the dim light.

She had a good idea of what Emily and Ember could do together but she wanted Emily to find it on her own, with maybe a little push from her. The beauty behind the idea was something she wanted Emily to visualize and luckily...this remote held a few good tricks. She smiled and sat in the front row, pressing a button on the remote and shutting down the lights completely. She counted to five and pushed another button, starting the flickering of the tiny lights above high above her head, watching as Emily looked up at them. Her thumbed moved automatically to a small button, bringing a gold spotlight down on the center ring and Emily's head and a deep hum from the speakers.

Emily turned and met her eyes through the light, smiling. "What are you doing?"

"It's gonna be your act." She replied. "What do you want it to be?"

Emily shrugged again and looked around. "I don't know. I don't know what it's allowed to be. I don't know the rules of all of this." She threw her hand out, gesturing to her surroundings.

"Emily..." She sighed and flipped off the remote, pulling herself from the bleachers and walking over to her side. "No rules, remember? As long as there's no risk to thousands of people of course." When Emily didn't smile she ducked her head, trying to see the eyes that were staring at the ground, coaxing the eyes that were hiding from her. She felt her heart sink when Emily finally looked at her, a mix of emotion somewhere between excitement and panic. "Emily, you don't have to do any of this if you don't want to. It's not expected of you and it doesn't change anything about you being here."

"No, I want to do this and maybe my reasons were different earlier." She admitted, focusing only on her eyes now. "I just felt like owed you for everything you've done and I still do but when I was riding early I admitted to myself that it wasn't the only reason. I need to do this for me."

"Well you don't owe me anything so please forget that thought right now." she said firmly. "You have time though. This isn't something that's gonna happen over night. New acts, especially ones involving animals, take time to plan and perfect." Emily nodded lightly, hearing her words and understanding even though the struggle in her eyes was still there. "The perfection part isn't going to be an issue for you, so just watch the show tomorrow. Look for an opening and get a feel for what you want and then we can start working on it."

"Okay." Emily nodded again, calm working itself across her face again as she began to relax.

"Okay." She smiled. "Now let's go get some food because as much as I'd love to, I can't make you live off brownies." She swung the purple bag from her fingers and brought a smile to Emily's face.

Shows were stressful, especially for new acts. A lot of time and energy goes in to making sure everything was set in place properly and with animals involved it presented a whole new set of challenges. Everything had to be safe for the audience and for the performer. In this case the performer felt like the priority, but still. Even without animals it took a lot of time. Mary came into the show five years ago and it had taken a few months to get the act ready to be shown. Sadie and Faye had to be found and Mary had to be convinced that nudity wasn't okay for a child based audience, including breast-fed children which had been Mary's biggest point. It all took time and Emily needed to realize that the amount of time she had...was endless. If it took months then so be it. Even years didn't matter and if it never fell into place then it didn't change anything as far as she was concerned. But if it was what Emily wanted then she planned on doing everything she could to see that it did.

The sky was turning purple as she threw open the door to her train car, holding it open for Emily to step up. She was quiet at the moment but it was obvious that the wheels were turning in her mind, thinking intently about what she saw for her and Ember. She pushed open her bedroom door and dropped the bag quickly inside before shutting it again.

"Do you want to go into town and eat or the kitchen? I think Riley was on food detail today so he probably brought something back."

"Yeah, that's fine." Emily nodded, setting the pace on her own towards the kitchen. She fell in step beside her, amazed at how already Emily was feeling at home here. The idea of being part of the show had boosted a confidence in her that was such a far cry from where she had been yesterday. A new-found strength and energy.

"Riley's usually pretty good at picking food. He's more practical. Peter tends to load up on all of that low carb crap and Mary's probably the worst with her trips to the liquor store."

"Just liquor?" Emily asked, raising her eyebrows as they pushed through the empty commons car.

"Yeah. Well...I think she may have picked jello for shots and a can of whip cream at some point but she's rarely on food duty because of those amazing choices. We actually had to eat cherry jello all day and she had already added the alcohol and didn't tell us. I almost had to cancel a show in Houston because everyone was drunk.

"You did a show with everyone drunk?" Emily smiled in disbelief.

"Yes." She laughed. "It was probably our best show. Mix vodka with cherry sugar and it makes for a very happy group that's already crazy enough as it is. The day after that was the worst though."

"You said you don't like vodka." Emily pointed out.

She stopped with her hand frozen on the kitchen door. "You remember that?"

Emily leaned against the wall of the tight hallway and nodded proudly. "Yes I do." She smiled. "So? Explain yourself because you told me you didn't like it and I think you would have been able to taste something you don't like even in cherry sugar." The smile on Emily's lips was teasing and amused yet there was still the genuine curiosity and desire to know.

"I have my favorites." She shrugged "Vodka is definitely up there but maybe it was just a little too tempting on you...because all I had was a beer."

Emily's breath caught lightly as she shook her head and leaned heavier into the carved wall. "S..so what's your favorite then?"

"Oh no, not that easily." She shook her head firmly and made Emily smile.

"Fine but at least tell me what kind of food shopper you are... besides brownies."

She rolled her eyes and pushed against the kitchen door, bringing Emily up off the wall. "I'm more like Riley." She smiled.

The room was loud but less crowded than the commons had been the night before. A few lounge chairs sat empty in the corner along with two of the eight bar stools and a few chairs at the corner table where Mary and Peter were sitting. Riley was standing beside them, just talking with a plate in his hand. She looked at Emily as she took it all in and was happy to see her completely at ease like she had been here before. Like this had easily been her home for her entire life. She led Emily over to the counter where large pizza boxes lay scattered, flipping the lids open before turning and opened the oversized refrigerator, leaning her hand against the top of the door. It was nice to see that Riley had stocked up on caffeine.

"Okay, there's water, juice, coke or.."

Emily reached comfortably around her stomach in the tight space, grabbing one of the red cans of soda and smiling as she stepped back. All she could feel was sadness that Emily had managed to do that without touching her at all, anger towards the metal tab that her fingers cracked open and jealous of the cold liquid that coated her tongue as she took a drink. She swallowed dryly and grabbed another can, letting the door slam shut behind her. Hopefully pizza would be an unappealing food because options were running low and she knew better than to think that Riley had bought oatmeal or sloppy joes. Instantly her mind went to other foods that couldn't be eaten in an alluring way. When Emily popped into her mind...she had nothing.

* * *

She grabbed a plate and Paige led her over to the table where Peter and Mary sat. Riley turned and smiled before sinking into a chair between them.

"So you found her." Riley smiled.

Paige nodded and pulled out two of the chairs, dropping into one as she sat in the other. The second Paige spoke she had her doubts at being in the only seat separating her from Mary. Something told her she would be whipping her head, from Paige on her left to Mary on her right, as this conversation progressed. She assumed this because of the sympathetic look on Peter's face from across the table.

"No thanks to Peter" Paige cocked her head, glaring into him across the table. "Is your radio broken?"

Peter smiled kindly. "Please Paige, you know this area better than I do and honestly your intuition is always so accurate." He teased.

"True, but still...maybe Riley would like a radio since he's more observant than you." Paige shot, taking a bite of the pizza on her plate.

She picked a piece off of her own pizza and felt Paige's eyes flickered over to her, watching as she pushed a small piece into her mouth and reached for her soda. Mary shifted in her seat towards Paige, leaving her in the cross fire as she had expected.

"Hey I have an idea." Mary smiled. "How about we have a rule that you can't add two ladies in a row.. I was the last one and now gorgeous over here so how about you do me a favor and add some men because I'm running out of options." Mary slipped a cigarette out from the pack that she had stashed in her...

She coughed on the soda and set the can down, opting for no food at the moment because of the fear of choking.

"I have followed that rule actually." Paige agreed. "I don't consider you a lady."

"Awe we have fun, babe." Riley nudged her shoulder, knocking the cigarette from lips as she was trying to light it.

"Mary." She corrected, giving up on the cigarette that had fallen to the floor. "Its nothing against you Emily, I promise. But damn Paige, I want Peter's radio if it means ill get a say in choosing my kind of talent."

"First of all, that's not even you're real name so you can hardly correct Riley for not using it." Paige smiled. "And second, you shouldn't have a problem getting Peter's radio. Just wait until everyone else leaves the room and please put the pizza in the fridge first." She winked and ducked as Mary tossed her lighter.

Peter sighed and took a sip of the caramel colored drink in his glass. He looked more amused than bothered and his eyes caught her with an apologetic smile, excusing himself from the table as he yawned.

"I think I'm going to polish up my pool skills." He sighed

Paige rolled her eyes at him and sunk back into her chair. "Leave the radio!"

Peter turned and smiled as he pushed through the door. Something told her that this was a regular occurrence at the dinner table and she was enjoying it. She picked another piece off of her pizza and looked at Paige, their eyes softly meeting, just briefly as she second guessed the piece of pizza that felt likely to lodge in her airway, dropping it back to the plate and turning to Mary instead.

"Mary isn't your real name?" She asked. Paige shook her head enthusiastically beside her, keeping her lips pursed tightly as she smiled.

"Of course not." Mary replied. "It's a stage name and a fucking good one."

"It's not that imaginative. She thinks it sounds more virginal." Paige chimed in, taking another bite of her pizza. "When actually..given your profession it looks like you're trying too hard to sound virginal. You should have just used Bambi like I suggested." She laughed

"Oh great, then I'd be a cute little deer. Awesome fucking idea, Paige." Mary smiled and reached for another cigarette, gesturing for Paige to hand her lighter back. "I suppose saying 'fuck you' would be unprofessional."

Paige nodded approvingly, sliding the lighter back across the table. "It's never stopped anyone before. And besides, I think a deer caught in headlights is fitting for how you make everyone feel."

"I aim to please." Mary smiled, blowing the smoke away from the table.

"And you always do." Riley added with a proud grin. He may look like a tough guy with his tattoos but his eyes were only for her. Either just content with whatever agreement they had or completely smitten with her. Poor guy.

"You know I should really just make you guys move into one room instead of taking up two." Paige hiked her left boot up onto her chair, resting her elbow on her knee. She looked at her briefly but had to avert her eyes back to her plate when Paige rested her head thoughtfully in her hand. Her right hand laying empty in her lap. The urge to grab her hand under the table was strong and the desire to do so while her hand was resting where it was...was overwhelming. "Do you ever even see the inside of your bedroom Riley?"

Mary smiled and stood up, tugging his arm away from the table and dragging him towards the back door of the car. "We should go see it now."

"Damnit guys!" Paige shouted after them, rolling her eyes and looking back at her. "They keep me trapped at the front of the train most of the time...probably on purpose. It's why I've learned to walk so fast down the hallways."

"Wow, yeah that would keep me away too." She picked at her pizza, pulling off a piece of cheese and slipping it into her mouth as she looked at Paige beside her.

"I'm sorry." Paige whispered. "We get rowdy sometimes and if it upsets you I won't..." Her voice was quiet and sincere and it made her shift in her seat to face her.

"Don't apologize, I'm fine." She smiled. "But I do want to know Mary's real name."

Paige smiled, and exhaled lightly. "It's just a play off of Marley. Somehow it wasn't innocent enough but I think she could have been more creative." Paige shook her head and finished the last bite of her pizza. She could go from fiery to sensitive in a matter of seconds. She could throw sarcastic banter around with Mary and Peter but then look at her in the same breath with chocolate eyes that threatened to melt her entire body. How she came to be like was a mystery but it was breathtaking.

She finished the last bite of pizza before Paige stood to her feet, grabbing the plates and moving back to the kitchen counter.

"So, how many rooms are actually on the train?" She asked, walking over to help as Paige transferred the left-over pizza into a fewer number of boxes.

"Twenty-four." Paige answered, stacking the empty boxes beside the trash can. "A couple of them are doubles that share a bathroom. Faye and Sadie share a room because they wanted to and Seth and Claire because they're married."

"Seth and Claire?" She asked, pressing her back against the counter as Paige reached around her to grab an empty soda can. She could see the hitch in her throat because she felt it in her own but Paige tightened her jaw and stepped back again, tossing the can in the trash.

"Um, yeah they do aerial and trapeze."

Her mind moved to the memory of the small part of show she had seen before she had walked out. A brief image of acrobats climbing the rope ladders. The brown eyes that watched her as she walked out and the same ones that found her behind the blue curtain housing the small horses...and now Ember. "So is it just performers on the train? There's a lot of people behind it all right?"

"Yeah, mostly." Paige nodded, pressing her stomach into the counter beside her and resting on her elbows. "We have trucks too. Most of the guys like driving which is just for heavy equipment. It works out better that way because it keeps them from just sitting around and getting paid to drink and it keeps the attitudes of most of them from driving everyone crazy."

"Like the guy with the storage truck? Jack?"

Paige met her eyes and for a brief second and she thought she saw her tense but it was gone before she could be sure. "Yeah, he rubs a lot of people the wrong way. I don't think he's a bad guy or anything, he just needs to learn his place if he wants to stay. He doesn't follow directions very well but he's the only person willing to work with the tigers besides me."

"You work with the tigers?" She asked, straightening herself off of the counter to face Paige more directly.

"You don't think I just stand around in a red velvet jacket the whole time do you?" Paige smiled, and raised her eyebrows slightly. The playful challenge returned to her voice and sent a shiver down spine as her eyes tore through her.

"Well, to be fair I didn't actually see the show remember?" She pointed out.

The door opened and Riley and Mary appeared again, pulling their attention away from each other. "Wow guys, that's a record time." Paige smiled smugly, cocking her head. "Did you even make it to one of the two rooms that I'm wasting on you?"

"Oh please Paige, like you could do better." Mary teased. "He's easy. And no, focus cleaning efforts on the hallway."

"I can do better actually, just not with either of you. And I don't think Riley is the easy one." Paige smiled and pushed herself off of the counter, looking at her now. "We should probably go before they start in on the kitchen too. There's whipped cream in the fridge."

She smiled and followed Paige to the door, looking back over her shoulder to see that Mary and Riley were following too though by the way they were looking at each other it seemed they were already planning another escape.

The commons car was busier now. More people had filtered in from outside. Peter tossed darts at the board on the wall and she spotted a few others she recognized. The two girls in Marys act, Sadie and Faye were lounging on one of the couches talking between themselves and the married couple that Paige had mentioned where sitting at a table by the bar, both with a reddish blonde hair. Claire was tiny, a small frame that was half Seth's size.

"Do you want anything?" Paige asked, pointing at the bar.

"No I'm good. I'm already tired and anything else will put me to sleep."

Paige smiled and led her over to an empty couch. "That's good because my boots couldn't handle another round."

She smacked Paige's arm as they sat down, each of them curling up on opposite ends. "You said I didn't throw up on your boots."

"I'm kidding, you didn't I promise. At least I don't think you did...I never really checked." Paige lifted her boot to examine it.

"Stop!" She laughed, reaching over to smack her boot away.

Paige caught her hand and held it firmly as she laughed. "Wow, violent much?"

She wanted to pull away but the heat of Paige's skin was too distracting. All thought lost on the twinkle of her eyes as she smiled proudly. She didn't actually want to pull away, she wanted to be closer.

"I feel really bad about that night." she admitted. Her cheeks flushed from the memory and Paige let their hands rest on the cushion between them.

"You should." Paige agreed. "That poor trash can never saw you coming."

The two feet between them on the couch was too much and it was too soon the Paige released her hand, smiling like she thought she was about to be smacked again, like she was welcoming it even. All she could do was miss the heat and smile back. Paige adverted her eyes as a shadow appeared beside her.

"What size are you?" A voice asked.

Her eyes were still on Paige and it took a moment for her to realize that she was being spoken to and even then it took longer for her to focus on anything over the lingering heat she could still feel in her hand.

"I'm sorry what?" She asked politely, looking up at the girl with the fire red hair. She looked a lot like the little mermaid with waves flowing down her back. Sadie. Paige sighed lightly and sunk back into the couch, picking at the zipper on her boot that she had hiked up onto the cushion.

"What size are you? Like for clothes?" Sadie smiled, crouching down on the floor beside her.

"Ummm, I don't know I guess it depends." She looked at Paige for help, and thankfully she nodded.

"Are you tired? You said you were tired. I'm tired." Paige pulled herself up and reached for her hand, which she gladly accepted as she smiled apologetically at Sadie.

"You guys just sat down!" She frowned and straightened up, crossing her arms over her chest. "Don't think I've forgotten about my ideas for your costume Paige!"

Paige sighed and turned to face her. "It's not gonna happen...ever!"

"Well, I'm not letting it go." She said firmly, her eyes softened automatically when she looked back at her. "Emily, when you decide you need something let me know."

She nodded weakly as Paige pulled her through the door, releasing her hand when they were alone inside the quiet carved hallway.

"I'm sorry, they both get caught up in their ideas to improve everyone's wardrobe." Paige shook her head and opened her bedroom door, letting her walk in first then flipping the light on the wall.

"Do they make the costumes?" She asked, watching Paige as she walked over to her closet and sifted through hangers.

"They try to. They're actually insanely talented but they seem to have an issue with my choices."

"No way, why?" She shook her head in disbelief. The thought of anyone disapproving of that red velvet jacket and those tight jeans...or the boots.. "That makes no sense to me." She shook her head firmly.

"I know which is why I'm not caving." Paige frowned and pulled a deep red t-shirt from a hanger and a pair of black flannel pants from the shelf. "Its classic and time less and nobody seems to appreciate good taste."

She smiled at the way Paige was getting worked up over the thought of changing her outfit. It was surprisingly cute considering she was so nonchalant about most things. Apparently the line was drawn at clothing and she couldn't argue with it. That jacket wasn't going anywhere. Paige sighed and turned to her.

"There's clean towels in the bathroom and your bag is right there." Paige pointed to the purple bag on the floor by the door along with their small bags from the market that sat inside.

"Its your bathroom." She stated. "You can go first."

Paige shook her head lightly as she walked back to the door and picked up her bag. "No, you go. There's another bathroom down the hall, and I think Peter is actually trying to open up a room for you. There's some boxes he needs to move but its two doors down so you can have your own space hopefully by the time we leave in the next few days. I can't make you sleep in my room every night."

She forced a weak smiled and nodded in agreement. Even though it contradicted everything she actually wanted...there was no chance of her saying it. Her breath stopped as Paige smile and opened the door.

"Where are you sleeping?" She asked, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"I don't think I have to explain those couches again, do I?" Paige smiled and arched her eyebrow. She nodded lightly and Paige slipped out the door, leaving her alone in her bedroom.

It took a moment for her to move but when she finally did her movements were weak and half-hearted, trudging slowly over to her suitcase and opening one up. Hanna at least seemed to pack everything she needed. All of the shirts she wore most and the plaid pants and shorts. She dug her hands around and pulled out a black tank top and a pair of drawstring pants in a light blue with a crisp white swirl pattern. Her hand stopped short when it brush against something soft. She clasped her hands around it and pulled, taking one look at the deep purple satin that made up intimate attire before she shoved it back inside and zipped the suitcase. It was something that Hanna had bought her a few years back and it had gone completely neglected. She had no desire of paying it any attention now. She grabbed her bag and walked into the bathroom.

It was small and pretty. A bright white shower curtain with vines of red ivy and a clean red towel hanging on a small hook. She set her clean clothes on the counter and pulled the scarf from around her neck, hanging it carefully on the hook beside the towel then she dropped the rest of her clothes to the floor and turned on the shower. It steamed up the small room quickly and as she stepped inside she noticed how sore her muscles were just from riding. She focused carefully on moving under the hot stream, letting it work over all the tightness in her body one area at a time. She also had to focus on using her new shampoo and avoiding the bottles that lined the rack hanging from the shower head. All of those would cause focus issues and even though she wanted to smell them...that would probably be a weird thing to do. Like going through someone's underwear drawer. She shook her head and let the hot water run over her face when she wondered if she had even seen a drawer anywhere in Paige's room.

When the water began to cool, a good twenty minutes later, she shut it off and wrapped the red towel around herself, bunching the end up to dry her hair at the same time before slipping into her pants and tank top. The colder air in the room sent a chill across her skin so she flipped the light off and climbed under the pale blue blanket on the bed, sinking into Paige's pillow and breathing the white musk in deeply. The scents were different and yet they meshed perfectly. A citrus on the blue fleece blanket mixing with the floral and spice of the pillow.

Her eyes stung as the reality sunk in. The silence of the room and the feeling that she was alone. It wasn't sadness exactly but just an overwhelming feeling of change. So much on her mind and so many things she felt weighing her down. Paige sleeping somewhere else and Sadie wanting to help. Peter being kind and again...Paige. She needed to focus on what to do with Ember because while she could stand to let herself down...she couldn't let Paige down or any of the new people in her life. No, she couldn't let herself down either.

Before she could stop herself she was throwing herself from the bed, still clutching the blanket in her hands as she slipped out the door and into the dimly lit hallway. As she approached the commons door she immediately noticed the lack of noise. A silence surrounding her ears as she pushed through the door and a darkness engulfing her vision as she stepped inside. She stayed still as her eyes adjusted slowly, waiting to move until she could make out the tables and the couches and the bar in the corner. She just happened to look over at the couch that she and Paige had sat on briefly and her heart stopped when she did. The small amount of light shining in from a window above the couch, casting a thin golden stream on the red in her hair and the cream of her face. She took a deep breath and inched closer, listening carefully for the shallow breaths leaving Paige's lips. She was curled on her side facing the edge, taking up half of the oversized couch. She couldn't form a single thought. Just images of Paige smiling at her as she rode behind on the dirt bike and Paige sitting in the meadow braiding grass while flecks of sunset dust sparkled around her head.

She slipped onto the other end of the couch and curled herself up, careful to move slow and soft enough to not wake her up or touch her in anyway when she draped the blue blanket over them both. Their knees curled just inches from each other. She rested her head into a throw pillow and stayed still, her eyes falling closed and content at just the thought of her being close by. Her heart stopped completely when heat spread through her body, her eyes opening to see Paige's hand resting lightly on top of the blanket and on her knee. She couldn't tell if Paige was awake and she didn't seem to be yet her hand was touching her. She took a weak breath and reached her hand down slowly, brushing against the tips of her fingers, losing her breath at once when Paige intertwined her fingers around her own, tightening her grip enough to let her known that she was there. Paige was awake and she wanted her here. She squeezed back lightly, focusing only on the soft flame licking across her skin. She could feel every ounce of heat in Paige's body being transferred through the blanket and into her own and as Paige traced light circles on her knuckle...she closed her eyes again.

* * *

**COSMIC LOVE *Florence + The Machine [To me this is an Emily POV...i hear it as a journey to finding Paige.] {Thank you #KindaBritt}{I do not own these lyrics}**

A fallen star,  
Fell from your heart,  
And landed in my eyes,  
I screamed aloud  
As it tore through them,  
And now it's left me blind,

The stars, the moon,  
They have all been blown out,  
You left me in the dark,  
No dawn, no day,  
I'm always in this twilight,  
In the shadow of your heart,

And in the dark,  
I can hear your heartbeat, I try to find the sound,  
But then it stopped,  
And I was in the darkness,  
So darkness I became,

The stars, the moon,  
They have all been blown out,  
You left me in the dark,  
No dawn, No day,  
I'm always in this twlight,  
In the shadow of your heart,

I took the stars from my eyes,  
And then I made a map,  
I knew that some how,  
I could find my way back,  
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too,  
So I stayed in the darkness with you,

The stars, the moon,  
They have all been blown out,  
You left me in the dark,  
No dawn, no day,  
I'm always in the twilight,  
In the shadow of your heart,

The stars, the moon,  
They have all been blown out,  
You left me in the dark  
No dawn, no day,  
I'm always in this twlight,  
In the shadow of your heart

* * *

**SHE IS LOVE *Parachute **(I do not own these lyrics)

I've been beaten down,

I've been kicked around.

But she takes it all for me.

And I lost my faith, in my darkest days.

She makes me want to believe.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.

She is Love, And she is all I need.

She's all I need.

Well I had my ways.

They were all in vain,

And she waited patiently.

It was all the same, all my pride and shame.

She put me on my feet.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.

She is Love, And she is all I need.

She is Love, And she is all I need.

She is Love, And she is all I need.


	10. Chapter 10

**_Okay a little insight for this chapter. It almost didn't happen but I felt that good or bad it needed to. It was actually only planned to be 4 paragraphs and this is what it turned into so I hope you all enjoy a little insight into the show that Emily never got to see. Its kind of a bonus chapter to me. (_**_For those of you reading for smut please sign in as someone other than guest and I will be happy to reply personally. I'm sorry but I hope you're reading for the actual story too. If you've read Blue Lace then you should know that its likely to happen but I won't ruin the story by placing it carelessly. This chapter is the beginning of their second FULL day together and I don't want to ruin their characters by not staying true to them so I hope you can understand that and stick with the story because I love it just the way it is and I hope you do too. If not there are plenty of Paily fics available that contain smut_**_.) For those of you that are enjoying the slow steady build, as so many of you have told me that you are...thank you for being patient and appreciating the relationship at it progresses naturally. We are getting there i promise. So close. THANK YOU to the group of the amazing girls I talk to almost daily and for everyone that loves the story. You all inspire me and you know who you are :) Check out the songs they are great with helping the visual of this chapter. :D_**

* * *

The sound of the car door opening woke her up in a jolt. It took a moment for her to remember where she was and how she had gotten there. A moment more to remember how Emily's hand had gotten in her own but just a split second to appreciate that it was still there. She had focused so carefully on relaxing her mind the night before while she showered and she continued that process as she settled into the oversized leather couch in the common room. She couldn't have ever asked Emily to sleep here and Peter hadn't cleared a room yet so this was the best option because she also couldn't invade Emily's privacy every night no matter how much it contradicted what she wanted herself. The main reason she had decided against the couches in the lounge was only to be closer to her and memory of the night before. Laying on the red carpet and watching the silhouette of her fallen hand was easily one of her best nights. Her body had felt heavy and calm and the shallow breaths of Emily sleeping had lulled her to sleep. She settled for the commons couch because it meant she was as close to her as possible, and to that memory, but she hadn't expected Emily to come searching and learn exactly how close she really was...and not just physically.

Her heart had stopped, freezing her breath in her lungs when she heard the car door open in the darkness. She should have gone into shock when Emily slipped onto the other end of the couch but for some reason it had the opposite effect. She felt her mind relax finally, along with her entire body and she couldn't keep herself from reaching for her. She wasn't expecting anything in return though. If Emily had come out here to be near her then she wanted to let her know that she needed that too. That was enough for her and it would be for a lifetime. The surprise came from the touch of Emily's fingers that sparked electricity through her body while paralyzing her senses at the same time. That same spark still resting in her hand now, drawing her away from her thoughts and back to the image of Emily sleeping. Her dark waves sprawled out around her like silk and goosebumps covered her bare arms. She furrowed her eyebrows and slipped her hand away slowly, missing the touch but needing to take care of her. She pulled the blanket up over Emily's shoulders before she realized that they weren't the only ones in the room.

"Hey its nine." Peter whispered, kneeling by the side of the couch. "Everyone is already out but I just wanted to let you know."

She crinkled her eyebrows and shifted up on the couch slightly, giving him a skeptical look. "This is the quietest way you've ever woken me up." She whispered back.

"Yeah I'm not doing it for you sweetheart." He smiled and flickered his eyes over to Emily. "The last thing you need is to scare the shit out of her with your lovely way of greeting the morning."

"No, not the morning." She corrected, combing her fingers back through her hair. "Just you."

"Nice Paige. I love you too." He smiled, standing back to his feet. "We're ready when you are."

Peter turned and walked silently from the room, leaving them alone again. Her eyes moved lightly over Emily's face before she reluctantly slipped off the couch and made her way back to her bedroom to get dressed. There was no reason to wake Emily up just yet and the thought of doing that was sad anyways. She had work to do outside and she felt confident that Emily would know exactly where to find her if she was needed. She closed the bedroom door behind her and walked over to her closet, pulling her T-shirt over her head and replacing it with a white button up, then exchanging the drawstring pants for her usual tight black jeans before sliding into her boots and tucking her radio into her back pocket. Her mind kept wondering back to Emily sleeping on the couch, to their fingers intertwined as they slept. It was easily the best she had slept in a long time, possibly forever. The last two nights with Emily near were beyond amazing. She smiled to herself lightly when her eyes glided over the open bathroom door, spotting the red velvet scarf that hung on a hook and remembering the way it had looked over Emily's white thermal. It was so similar to what she herself would be wearing today that it was nice to imagine that the pairing of items may have been intentional on Emily's part. Even if it was a coincidence it lit a fire across her cheeks. After combing her fingers through her waves she grabbed her jacket and hat from the closet and carried them with her back out into the hallway, forcing herself to walk outside instead of in the direction of the couch that was calling her name...and the girl that she wanted to call her name.

The morning was warm and the sky was clear but there was slight charge in the air that she recognized and it made the hair on her neck stand up. She already had her reservations about being near Charleston this time of year because of the snow storm they were stranded in the last time. It was warm then too...at first. She had to cancel stops in two towns because they had fallen so far behind. One of those towns she was happy to cancel. It held memories she didn't want and people she didn't want to see. She pulled her radio out as she looked around at the horizon, bringing it to her lips.

"Does anyone have a forecast on today and tomorrow?" Peter's voice broke through the static as she walked towards the Big Top.

"We're clear today but tomorrow could go either way. Looks like just rain though."

She shook her head firmly. "Yeah that's what it said last time and we lost shows and had to pay an extra three days for people to help shovel ice from under the engine."

"We'll keep an eye on it. You'll be the first to know."

Peter's voice dropped to static and she tucked the radio back in her pocket and pushed through a side curtain, grabbing and apple from a table holding breakfast for everyone and picking an orange for herself before walking into the streams of blue. Ember perked up when she entered, his eyes locking onto the apple in her hand that she held out for him.

"Sleep okay?" She whispered, petting his nose as he bit into the fruit, his brown eyes were deep like Emily's, soft. "I slept better last night. " She admitted, looking behind her subconsciously. Yes, she was talking to a horse but it didn't really feel like that. It felt like talking to her. Like she could tell Ember everything she was feeling and Emily would hear her too. She sighed lightly and stepped away, walking over to the chair in the corner and dropping her hat and jacket down on the seat. She didn't need them just yet but she'd be back periodically to check on Ember and probably to talk to him.

The arena was hectic when she entered and everything was in full swing. Colored spotlights swirled through air and a mix of music flowed from the speakers, switching quickly through songs as the sound guy tested the equipment. Peter was standing in the center ring positioning a series of platforms in different heights, starting lower to the ground and spiraling above her head. They resembled candy cane striped stepping-stones that snapped together and they were meant for the tigers and also for performers to use as a raised platform stage. The finished product was shaped in a wide half circle. The top being the lowest point and the bottom being the highest.

"Are you ready for her?" She asked, stopping by Peter's side and leaning in to help him push the tallest step in place, leaving roughly a foot between each one and completing a climbing 'C' design.

"Yeah, when you are." He nodded, brushing his hands together to remove the dirt.

The speaker let out a high-pitched frequency that had everyone whining and covering their ears in protest...except for her.

"Paige, I'm gonna kill them." Mary appeared at her side, crossing her arms over her chest impatiently as she ripped an earpiece out and let it hang down her chest. At least Peter managed to do his job seeing as she was wearing a t-shirt at the moment. This kind of thing deserved a moment of pause and silence because this rarely happened. Thank you.

"I'm on it." She replied flatly, turning on her heels and marching back to the sound booth. The poor kid slid aside as she approached, knowing that she wasn't happy with the job he was doing he made room for her. She grabbed a headset from the table and wrapped it around her right ear, shaping the thin mic across her cheek.

"Mar?" She called into the microphone, waiting for a reply. "Can you hear me?" Silence. She flipped a switch on the sound board and tried again before she realized the problem and stepped out from the sound booth, sticking her head out through the curtain. "Mary!" She shouted, her eyes falling on her standing impatiently exactly where she had left her."

"What?" Mary snapped, her voice loudly echoed through the tent.

"Put your fucking earpiece back in!" She yelled, shaking her head at time wasted. Mary rolled her eyes, tucking it quickly behind her ear as she waited with Sadie and Faye standing nearby. "Ready?" She asked into the mic.

"Yeah, got it." Mary nodded, pulling her t-shirt over her head. She readjusted the ear piece as she tossed her shirt to the ground, revealing a black lace corset with white threading. It covered everything, mostly. Probably the bare minimum that was allowed for a child based audience when coupled with an array of skin-tight shorts, that were basically underwear, and fish net that left nothing to the imagination though...she had no right to judge those choices at all. Even so it was a nun costume when compared to what she wore on the train so she had learned to take it in stride. The circus audience loved the lack of boundaries when it came to the small things because in reality, it was nothing their children couldn't see on any given TV station.

She backed away and moved to the light and sound booth again, flipping a switch that brought down the main lights. She ignored the moaning of other performers as the attention was shifted away from them. "In ten." She called, counting in her head and flipping up another small switch that started the music. A mix between jazz and Broadway. "Five." She flipped one more switch for the mic speakers and pulled the headset from her ears just as Mary's voice filled the arena, handing it back to the sound guy that looked at her sheepishly. It seemed he knew he had screwed up without her needing to say anything...so she didn't. Any other day she definitely would have but...not today. It was a good day.

She walked quickly through the arena, only briefly glancing at the girls as they moved their hips and flipped their legs over wooden chairs. The burlesque style used to be something that hit her in the gut, and lower, as a teenager and that was never surprising considering what they wore and the ways they moved. It hardly affected her the same once she knew the women behind the performance and certainly not after the girl Mary had replaced. None of the girls where the same as the ones back then and she never felt the urge to look twice since Mary and the girls now. It was just routine and normal and something she had grown used to even if it hadn't always been her way. Her only issue now rested with Mary's topless train habits because even the strongest of them couldn't get used to that. Afterall, Peter had failed and with Mary being like a sister to her... it was only slightly and completely uncomfortable.

She kept her eyes down to avoid the streams of colored spotlights that were zipping through the air around her. Flashes of red and purple were dizzying sometimes when walking through a dark space. She pulled the radio from her pocket and called to Peter, confirming that he was done with set up in the middle ring before she walked through the backstage curtain, stopping beside Stella's cage. They didn't used keyed padlocks on the cages. Keys could be lost or stolen and that was too risky so while each one had a key it was never carried on her. Peter sometimes carried his copy but she opted for safety and entered to two full combinations on two separate locks and slid the door open, ignoring the two men that stood guard over the cage. Their job was to just stay nearby, always watching and that was for everyone's safety. Thankfully they were just two employees that she paid to sit there because they had never actually had to do anything.

"I know I've said this everyday for the last 5 years, but as long as you don't eat me...we're cool." She smiled and grabbed a thin violet rope laying beside the cage, clipping it to the matching purple rhinestone collar around her neck.

Stella stretched her legs and she took a step back, giving her room as she leapt to the ground. The pads of her feet were the size of her hands and her shoulders reached her waist. She was younger than the other tigers and that was the main reason she was here instead of them. Her family had worked with her since she was a cub and she personally had cared for her for the last five years. Stella was her act before she took over after her parents and she spent a lot of time and energy training her. She patted her shoulder as she led her out to the center ring where the high platforms waited. The sounds of her paws pounding into the ground with each step...was pure strength. Mary and the girls continued their routine on a loop in the left ring while Riley practiced in the right. They never performed at the same time except during the closing ceremony but practice tossed all rules out the window. Everyone fit in where they could and took turns fighting for the next run through on lights and sound.

She unhooked the rope as they stopped inside the center ring, tossing it aside and feeling the eyes of the men on her back. It was normal for them to be there. They went wherever the tigers went just as a precaution. Stella waited at her side but she was careful not to touch her now. Focus was key and she stood still for a moment, then moving slowly she bent down and grasped the leather whip that rested in the dirt at her feet. It was placed there beforehand and happened to be one of Stella's triggers but she always used the other too. She kept her peripheral vision on Stella for any sign of movement as she straightened herself back up, letting the whip hang loosely at her side and reaching her free hand into her back pocket to flip the static on the radio. The loud drum of the music started through the arena and Stella's eyes snapped to the leather in her hand, leaping instantly as she brought the whip over her head and snapped it forward with a loud crack through the air.

* * *

Her eyes snapped open, her body reeling from what was missing. Her hand was as empty as the other end of the couch and confusion crept in but only until she remembered the day. She shifted herself up, looking around at the empty commons room. It was dark from the shades being drawn but her eyes focused quickly, spotting the round clock on the wall. "Shit!" She jumped up from the couch and let the blue blanket fall as she pushed herself quickly to Paige's bedroom. It wasn't surprising to find it empty because the clock on the nightstand also read 11:30 and she knew exactly where everyone would be. Throwing the suitcase open she dug out a pair of jeans and pale lace tank top before slipping into her boots, forcing her body to move quickly and several times she nearly tripped over absolutely nothing. She combed her fingers into her hair and left the room, jumping down from the platform with a complete lack of grace.

The wind was warm and the sun was high, shining over the grounds now packed with people and excited children. The smell of fried food and sugar filled her nose and made her stomach growl even though food was the last thing on her mind. Paige was the first thing and she felt bad for sleeping so late while everyone else was working and even more bad that Paige had let her sleep. She already felt useless and just sitting around was only making it worse. If she was going to be a part of the show she needed to focus and find a place. The show wasn't going to stop without her but if she didn't have this...she refused to go back to what she had been before. Always frozen and never moving forward.

Making her way through the grounds took longer than it should have due to the people and her near misses with kids running around her legs and as she pushed into the back curtain she exhaled audibly. Ember perked up and moved closer to the gate but she didn't. Her eyes had landed on the red velvet jacket and the top hat sitting on the chair in the corner and she forgot about him completely, thinking about touching the soft fabric and weighing the risk of Paige walking in. Also wondering if she even cared if Paige walked in. At this point and after last night...she was the only thing on her mind.

A noise from Ember brought her attention back just enough for her to regain some amount of control over her thoughts, even if it was weak. She swallowed the dryness in her throat and focused what needed to happen next, trying her best to adopt a step by step plan so that distractions wouldn't affect her so greatly. She needed to figure out what to do with Ember. The talent came from him and their ability to read each other and she needed to harness that and piece it together into something worth watching. Paige had said perfection wouldn't be an issue but while she trusted her...she had a hard time seeing herself in such a way. An even harder time imagining thousands of people watching something that had intimately been her own for the last three years. The desire to overcome and prove that she could was the thing that fueled her the most and that stemmed completely from the happiness she felt when riding. It blended flawlessly and effortlessly into the happiness she felt when Paige was near her. She smiled.

"Hey." Paige said softly, appearing at her side. She was so lost in thought that she hadn't heard her approach but she turned to face her.

"Hey, is there anything I can do to help? Where do you want me?"

Paige smiled, taken aback by the eagerness in her voice but she recovered quickly and chuckled. "Front row center. You're watching remember?"

"Yeah but there has to be something..." She protested.

"Fifteen minutes." Paige pressed, tapping her chest and walking over to the chair to pick up the jacket. She remembered the little clock that hung from the thin gold chain and rested around her neck. She smiled at the humor and watched as Paige slid her arms into the sleeves and fastened the gold buttons, stretching the velvet tight across her chest before she picked up the hat and flipped it easily in her hands. "I think Peter saved you a seat." She smiled with the same challenge that she was growing so fond of and disappeared through the stream of blue. She pushed her body to follow quickly, feeling slightly guilty for ignoring Ember but only for a second because at the moment, and possibly many moments to come, something else was more intriguing and she refused to feel sorry for that.

Paige had vanished when she reached the outer perimeter of the red tent, lined once more in vendors tables and streams of golds and greens. The layout was exactly the same, even down the order of the fabric hanging down. She spotted the same crushed red velvet that she had pulled her hand away from the other night and this time she didn't hesitate to touch it lightly as she passed. It wasn't as soft as Paige's jacket had been that night and she smiled with that piece of knowledge. The curtain opened up into the arena that was so jam-packed with people that she couldn't even begin to see inside.

"Right here." A voice said, touching her elbow lightly, she turned to see Peter with a headset on and clothing that didn't mesh with it at all.

"Are you in the show too?" She smiled, taking in the black and white striped shirt that had a red ruffled collar, much like a jester.

"Just a small part." He nodded, leading her through the crowd of people. "Its kind of just a filler and keeps me free so I can still do everything else. Its a good way to keep an eye on people." Peter stopped by a few roped off seats in the front row, letting her sit down first then he sat beside her.

"So what do you do then?" She asked, only looking at him briefly before she let her eyes continue to roam around the arena. The rings were empty at the moment but she was hoping to catch a glimpse of Paige while at the same time doing what she asked of her. She was supposed to be looking for an opening and somehow figuring out what she wanted. At the moment she felt like she was wasting everyone's time by being here at all.

"Stilts actually." He smiled.

She looked at him and smiled approvingly, "Yeah I can definitely see that. You probably have to go get ready though right? I'll be fine here if..."

Peter stood up as a guy walked by selling snacks, grabbing two cotton candy from his hands. "No actually, I've been relieved for the day." He smiled handing a pink fluff of sugar to her and sitting back in his seat. "Our dear girl didn't want you to have to sit alone." He studied her carefully. "Unless you want to?"

She shook her head and picked lightly at the sugar, giving him a reassuring smile as she relaxed into her seat. "No you're fine."

She liked Peter. Mostly because Paige liked him but also because of how genuine he was as a person and how similar he was to Paige. That brought comfort. Paige didn't wait her to sit alone and that made her stomach flutter. She hadn't even thought twice about sitting alone and she was perfectly content to do so but having someone she was familiar with brought a sense of calm to the stress of finding her niche. _'Our dear girl.'_

The crowds died down and filtered into their seats and her heart raced faster with each passing second. She knew what to expect at this point because she had seen this before with Hanna and she remembered the way her focus had melted completely. The way her hands had gripped to the edge of the chair as realization hit her in the face. She hadn't even known Paige at that point in time and in this moment she felt like she had known her forever yet the result was still the same.

"Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls of all ages..."

'Fuck I'm screwed.' She tensed.

Her voice poured from the speakers and her hands dug into the seat again, her breath ripped away as she appeared under a silver spotlight that bounced off the red in her hair and the fire of her jacket. Things had already begun shifting uncontrollably in her mind even two days ago, but now...she longed to be near her and longed to know every part of her life. That shift had made her leave the arena last time because of the spinning in her head and now it felt like the only thing holding her safely to the ground. That spotlight was meant just for her, showing her exactly where she belonged and her eyes followed it as it moved around the arena, searching frantically for any sign of what she was looking for. A place for herself among the dream that was Paige's world.

The single spotlight turned into twenty, each of them a different shade of pink or green and indigo as music blasted through the speakers. It was amazing how differently the parade of performers affected her this time. Faces she now recognized and a desire to know what their parts were in Paige's life. They had all come before her afterall and there was a genuine interest in everything that they had a passion for because in reality they were all Paige's family and they're all a part of her life now too.

She recognized Riley taking to the left ring and Mary in the dark of the right, her eyes flickering between them all as they waited for the spotlight to begin their performance. It was when her eyes flickered to the center ring that she lost focus. Paige waited in the shadows as the lights followed Seth and Claire in their climb to the top of the tent. She was leaning confidently on a large pedestal, higher than her waist with her boot kicked up against the side like she had done so casually with the foot rail of the truck. Perfectly at ease and happy with one hand tucked halfway into her front pocket. The hand placement screamed her contentment and she couldn't tear her eyes away from her because Paige was watching her too, holding her eyes easily. The softness she could pick out even in the darkness and unspoken words that were telling her where she belonged. Everything she already knew but hadn't said out loud and a feeling that she would never have to, even though she wouldn't hesitate if given the right chance. She looked at Peter sitting next to her, and Mary waiting nearby...then Riley. She envied everyone that had known Paige before she had and she wanted that time with her now.

She picked a piece of pink from the cotton candy and let it melt on her tongue, the sugar in her mouth mixing with the image of Paige standing in the ring was the perfect combination. She dragged her eyes up to the top of the tent, watching as Claire flipped through the air in skin-tight gold sequins, catching the bright of light and making her glow as her hands clasped safely around Seth wrists. He pulled her to the platform above and the roar erupted. Immediately the lights faded out and Paige's voice carried through the speakers again, a spotlight of red shining down on Mary and the other girls.

Suddenly it became clear why Mary dressed the way she did and the desired effect was being easily achieved. It was complete overkill actually and she hadn't even moved yet. Nobody in their right minds would be able to look at her and not fall victim to her sensuality and she began to really feel sorry for every man, and woman, on the train. They didn't have a say in wanting her and they wouldn't have it any other way. It made no sense when she looked over at Paige and saw her looking down at a clipboard because it was paining her to pull her eyes away from the black lace corset covering Mary's chest and the red fish net that paired with knee-high black boots. Everything was covered enough for kids...possibly. Tight black shorts, that resembled what cheerleaders wore under their skirts plastered over the red netting. The corsets held everything in place but just barely, and the damage to knowing adults had been done. Even Peter shifted in his seat though she wouldn't dream of calling him out on it. After all he had ignored the blush on her cheeks when she had been caught leaving Paige's room and she owed him for that.

The music started in a fast jazz tempo and snapped an array of colored lights over their heads. It was then that she learned the extent of her talent. Goosebumps rose across her bare arms as Mary's voice reached her ears. She recognized the song and choked audibly on the dryness in her throat, eliciting a chuckle from Peter. She coughed again when the girls took to moving their bodies over chairs, straddling the seats and bending their bodies backwards. Mary's voice was flawless even upside down and the chances of the corset failing was very likely.

"You guys can do this?" She asked, turning to Peter with wide eyes.

He nodded and smiled, leaning in to whisper. "Its edited so yes, and we've never had anyone complain. Besides, old circus' used to have burlesque women that were actually topless for customers. The circus has never been a place were everything is safe and orderly. It's about the thrill and the risk and sometimes the scandal. This isn't Disneyland and this is only the first act for them. If all else fails, its covered in the fine print at the bottom of the flyer."

"I think it's better than Disneyland." She agreed, pushing another piece of sugar into her mouth as she glanced to find Paige, the main reason it was better than Disneyland. She straightened herself in her seat when she couldn't find her.

"She'll be back." Peter said knowingly. "She's one of the main attractions and a circus is nothing without a ring leader." He turned and smiled at her.

She moved her eyes quickly back to Mary, desperate to hide the blush from her cheeks and her ability to be so transparent. Focus changed as she watched the girls move. Her eyes studying the way their costumes hugged their bodies and the way that affected the audience. As she looked around she could see desire in everyone's eyes, men as well as women and it wasn't all sexual. It was awe and envy and completely inspiring. An empowering confidence and the need to perform. Ten others suddenly joined them in the center flipping their own chairs down and cart-wheeling over the seat as Mary jumped onto the barrier of the ring, throwing her hands over her head to work up the crowd as she moved around the perimeter of the ring. She smiled as the music skipped for split second, hiding words not fit for children. If she hadn't known they were supposed to be there she wouldn't have even noticed.

She clapped along with the audience and so did Peter, making a mental note to hug Mary for planting an idea in her mind. One she needed to keep to herself until she had more to go with it. After all it was only the easy part.

"Will you be okay here for a minute?" Peter asked, shifting in his seat.

She nodded automatically, wheels spinning in her mind. "Yeah, of course."

Peter nodded and stood up, dropping the rest of his cotton candy in the trash can as he moved through the darkness towards the middle ring. She straightened again in her seat as he approached Paige who now stood by the large pedestals again. She was relaxed but it was easy to see that she had been very busy. Paige nodded at Peter and handed the clip board to him, stepping out of the ring and disappearing again into the back curtain. She followed Peter as he moved out of the ring too, staying close as he watched the clowns that were parading around as a filler for space. His sole concentration though, was the center ring. He was waiting and didn't budge when two large men appeared behind him, also waiting. No introduction was needed as the lights shifted. The tiny strings of lights that hung above were replicated and now were being projected over the entire surface of the arena, creating a twilight in the middle of the day. Pitch black velvet with millions of stars that rotated slowly and she couldn't keep herself from following them with her eyes as they sparkled and rotated like a galaxy. Her chest pounded as a sunset light rose from the ground up, breaking through the stars and casting fire light over the center ring. Her breath ripped from her as she took in Paige standing there perfectly still. Her hat was off and her long waves cascaded over her shoulders. Her clothes were different now too. She wore the same crushed red velvet jacket but her tight black pants had been replaced with tight black sequined shorts that clung barely an inch down her thighs and the exposed length of her legs were clad in black lace along with the same high brown boots. That sight by its self was beautiful and struck her speechless but the sight of a white Bengal tiger standing motionless at her side was something else entirely. The music started and she quickly understood why Hanna had tapped out the circus song on the hood of her car and why Peter had referred to her as something other than a ring master.

Paige moved slowly first, bending her knees to clasp around an object that lay on the ground at her boots. As she brought it up to her side she noticed the leather of a whip and the tiger did too. She let out a menacing roar that sent chills down her spin and she realized immediately why the two large men stood nearby. Their size didn't really matter but the small objects in each of their hands more than likely did. Even though the tiger seemed calm at first, the second it saw the whip it became almost feral, developing a constant tension under its fur and a slight rolling of its shoulders, a gutteral growl in the back of its throat.

As Paige brought the whip over head, the tiger leapt onto the lowest pedestal, timing it perfectly so that the leather cracked loudly through the air. She knew Paige better that to ever let it make contact. That was the show of it all. At least she prayed it was. Scaring the audience just enough to think the tiger was angry when the relaxation on Paige's face held only trust but she had to admit...the body language of the animal was intimidating. The smile of approval Paige gave the tiger contradicted the worry she couldn't help feeling for her safety. She smiled when Peter's term 'ring leader' sounded in the song, and the words that followed made her thoughts falter slightly. The song was exactly Paige.

The second the tiger landed on the lowest pedestal fire and sparks erupted from the barrier of the rings, enclosing them both inside and leaving no exit. A way of creating more danger in the audiences eyes while in reality it kept them safer. The tiger showed no interest in jumping through fire and its focus was only on Paige. It was surprising that she was able to see the show behind the show so quickly. Already she was noticing how things worked and for what reason and that made her feel confident. Paige walked closer and flicked her wrist, bringing the tiger up onto its hind legs. It swiped threateningly at her arm, but she didn't move. Instead she kicked her boot into the dirt in a hard swipe, sending dust flying into the fire wall which resulted in blast of sparks shooting up behind the tiger and making her snarl, like the dirt held some type flame brightness of the spotlight wasn't needed to follow Paige here because the fire and stars lit the ring making it unnecessary and so much more beautiful. A man-made sunset burning the night's sky.

Paige stepped into the center of the ring, and the crescent-shaped platforms, cracking the whip through the air and sending the tiger leaping over her head to a higher landing, coming just inches from hitting her. The auburn curls of her hair even whipped lightly from her shoulders as the animal passed overhead so closely. Again she flicked her wrist and commanded it to assume a pounce position. Even from this distance she could see the anger and irritation on the cat's face as it rolled its shoulders at her. Paige turned her back and jumped effortlessly to the lowest pedestal were the tiger had been, then stepped up to the next highest. The way she swayed her hips as she moved was grace without trying. Confident and commanding. It was suddenly for the best that Peter was no longer sitting beside her because her nails were digging into the seat at the sight of skin showing through ripped lace on her legs. She dropped the cotton candy to the ground and secured her hands under her thighs, stilling them. Paige was herding the tiger higher up the wide platform 'C' and with each step she moved the tiger countered her, swiping in her direction until she stopped a third of the way up. Having forced the giant cat to the highest point it was now directly across from her and behaved like a predator backed into a corner, slashing claws at the air and growling. Paige turned her back to the animal, only slightly facing the front row where she sat.

Just from her profile she could see the calm on her face and the peace in her eyes. How much she loved what she did and how much that passion poured through into the show. She took a deep calculated breath and backed towards the edge, lining the heels of her boots up the way a swimmer would before diving backwards from the block. The way she would have done seven years ago. The tiger let out a loud cry as Paige cracked the whip down through the air, letting it fall freely to the ground. The muscle of the animal leapt into the air towards her, closing in and aiming only for her body. Paige moved faster, flipping her body backwards off of the high-rise and into the air over the tiger's back as it landed on the platform where she had been. Her knees tucked in slightly as she rotated into the back flip and planted her feet soundly on the ground, kicking up a cloud of dirt around her feet and another eruption of sparks from the fire of the ring. Perfect and practiced. It became clear why she was so effortlessly able to jump from moving trains without faltering a single step.

Paige smiled and crossed one arm over her chest as she bowed, then straightened herself and walked to the tiger's side. It leapt down to her feet and she gestured applause for it's talent, then ran her fingers over the white and black fur. She wanted to clap but she couldn't. She couldn't even hear the roar of the crowd over the pounding in her head. It took minutes to notice that Peter was sitting by her again and even then it wasn't until he touched her shoulder that she looked at him.

"Are you okay?" He asked, more curious than worried. She nodded weakly, a mix between a 'yes' and a 'no'.

"Yeah, no I'm just not feeling good." She stood from the chair and gave him a reassuring smile as she moved past him. Anxiety rushed through her body, making her head spin. She couldn't even pinpoint a solid origin because there were so many. Stress was the biggest problem at the moment. So much pressure to fit into a new life with people she didn't know. None of that pressure came from Paige or anybody else. She was putting the pressure on herself and it was such a drastic change from what she was used to. She was used to taking the easy way out, used to giving up because things got hard. She was use to pushing away good things and taking to hiding from them instead.

She stopped when she reached the concession tables, scolding herself for her attempt at running out again. For letting her own fears get the best of her. Paige had taken a chance on her. In a way all of these new people had and yet here she was running again. She shook her head lightly to clear the fog and forced a breath. The table she stood by was selling drinks so she grabbed a water and pulled herself together with a few more deep breaths, just to be safe, before she turned back towards the arena, determined to not be that girl anymore. The weak one and the broken one. The girl that let herself down time and time again. Not anymore. Paige caught her shoulder lightly as she entered and she promised herself that she wouldn't be that Emily ever again. Her eyes flickered down across her legs, clad once again in tight black jeans. This time she wasn't so surprised about feeling disappointed because she _was _disappointed and yet the worry in Paige's eyes made her focus on softening her own expression. She didn't want Paige to ever worry about her again.

"Peter said you aren't feeling good. Are you okay?" She asked, her voice barely a whisper as she pulled her closer and out of the way of people walking by. She expected her to let go of her but she was happy when she didn't. Instead she rested her fingers softly on her shoulder, creating a barrier from the crowd.

She nodded automatically and held up her bottle of water. "Yeah, just thirsty." Paige seemed to be slightly reassured but she gave her a smile to dissolve what remained of her concern. Someone nudged into her back as they passed, pushing her closer and forcing her to brace a hand against Paige's waist to keep from falling.

Paige's breath hitched but then she frowned and pressed her headset into her ear. "Peter keep an eye on the drunk guy at five o'clock to the center ring." She couldn't hear Peter's reply but Paige nodded. "Yeah I told you that shits disgusting."

"What's disgusting?" She smiled. Paige still held her shoulder, both of them forming a shield together from the outside world. Her hand on Paige's hip and Paige's hand on her. The feeling of velvet beneath her finger tips and Paige's fingers burning through lace.

"Whiskey." Paige smile. "Drunk guy is wearing a Jack Daniels t-shirt so he's kind of easy to call." She nodded as Paige focused her attention back on her. "You didn't pay for the water did you?" When she nodded again Paige somehow managed to look completely crushed. "You don't have to, just tell them you're with the show and its yours. It gets hot in here fast with the fire." Paige stated apologetically. "And then when you put a thousand people under a heavy tent in May, it can get extremely uncomfortable."

"I'm guessing its worse for you guys though. I mean you're actually surrounded by the fire, and Mary with dancing... I couldn't do that."

Paige leaned slightly against the side of the bleachers carefully keeping contact. The heat of her hand soaking through the lace of her shirt and burning deeply through her skin. "Don't tell anyone, but we actually have vents in the barriers pumping cool air into the rings. Its mostly for the animals. They're already working so if they're uncomfortable it just makes it harder for us."

She watched as Paige tuck her thumb of her free hand casually under the waist band of her jeans which resulted in exposing the patch of skin on her hip where her hand was still resting. Paige probably didn't even realize it but the softness and warmth was crippling her mind. If she stepped any closer to her she would have Paige pinned completely against the bleachers. "H...how long have you worked with tigers?" She asked, forcing back the tightness in her throat.

"Five years." Paige breathed weakly. She definitely noticed the difference in contact but somehow managed to remain steady. "She's been with us since she was a baby and I've trained her from the beginning. She's _my_ Ember."

"What's her name?" She asked. Paige's eyes flickered past her towards the arena, moving her focus to the end of intermission but she looked at her apologetically.

"Stella." She smiled. "I've gotta go, but I'll find you afterwards. You don't have to stay if you don't feel good."

She shook her head firmly. "No, I'm fine."

Paige smiled again and dropped her arm as she moved around her and towards the center ring.

"Is everyone having a good time?" Her voice sounded through the speakers and the audience cheered as the lights dropped down again.

She stood there for awhile, just feeling the heat left lingering in her hand from Paige's hip, squeezing her hand shut to keep it from escaping. Peter was still waiting in the seat minutes later and she slipped quietly beside him, keeping her eyes towards the right ring as she tried to clear her thoughts. Trying only to focus on what she was seeing and not what she was feeling though she kept her hand in a tight fist, trapping what was trying to slip away. She focused on the images in front of her eyes instead of the ones in her mind.

Riley stood in the middle tossing clubs through the air that were engulfed in fire. He caught them effortlessly and continued to throw them higher and faster each time. One he threw so high that he had time to pull off a back flip before catching it and as the song closed he took a drink from a bottle at his feet and spit the contents onto the club in his hand, creating a blast of inferno that shot out a good ten feet from his mouth. She clapped automatically with the rest of the crowd and followed everyone's eyes to the center ring again where a small man was beginning a climb to a tight rope with a unicycle. Her focus and interest were gone completely now because her mind kept trying to create an act for herself. She scanned her eyes carefully over the arena, trying to take into account everything she was seeing or had already seen, making note of the area circling the three rings. The hard packed dirt and the barrier that separated it from the crowd making it so that people couldn't just wonder out and disturb the show. It was like a giant track around the rings. She thought of everything. The costumes and glitter and the way fire was used with a passion. The loud beats of the drums and the lights that cast stars on every surface. The way she rode Ember through the small meadow and the way he trusted her. Paige's smiles and worry and her fingers burning in her hand. Time passed and the rings took turns lighting up one after the other. Performers taking their turns and the roaring in the audience. She searched for Paige every few minutes, the reminder of everything she wanted. Sometimes she would find her standing in the shadows nearby, sometimes writing incessantly on her clipboard and other times she would be gone completely though she would always find her again, out of breath yet calm and always happy. Always with a slight smile tugging at her lips like someone was whispering sweetly in her ear.

"Is Riley done for the rest of the show?" She turned to Peter who shook his head lightly.

"No, he's got closing ceremonies next and then everyone will have a break until the next show."

"What about you?"

Peter looked at her and smiled, having an idea of what she was getting at. His intuition was just as accurate as Paige's and that was something she hoped to have one day. The ability to talk without words and understand fully. She hoped she had the talent already...if even just a little. If she did it was from Ember and now... being around Paige she felt more capable. So much stronger and aware of everything she felt and where it was all leading her. Every smile Paige gave her and every hand placement she chose to use. They all said something different and each gesture was significant and special and spoke volumes without actually speaking words.

"I'm free if you need my help." He nodded.

Mary's voice filtered through the speakers again as the lights went out. Goosebumps rose across her skin unwillingly as a spotlight fell on her standing center on the platform in the middle ring. Sadie and Faye stood on either side along with a few others down on the ground. Fire against their skin was the only way to describe the red satin clinging to their bodies and the ripped fish net on their legs with the same knee-high laced boots. She couldn't keep her jaw from dropping slightly as she looked at Peter who just smiled when the actual fire erupted from the barriers. Table dancing was a perfect term for this act and they had it perfected. Their dominance made her want to be them and sink back into her chair at the same time and by looking at the audience it seemed the men where barely keeping themselves from falling to their knees. If it was hard to focus on just the movements of their bodies as they slammed their boots into the platform it was impossible when the entire arena came to life as the drums kicked in. Spotlights rolled across the top of the tent shining light to the couple flying through the air and at least that gave the mothers a safe place to avert their children's eyes. Riley appeared in front of Mary, standing below her on the ground while he tossed fire through the air. When Mary's voice hit the second verse he smacked the clubs into the ground like drum sticks to the beat, blasting fire into the air as it came into contact with the substance in the dirt before he resumed and tossed them higher. He caught some behind his back and the others after another flip of his body. It was beautiful and the drums were so powerful.

"Am I gonna need the water truck?" Peter asked, following her gaze to the fire. She smiled softly and nodded, unable to tear her eyes away and it was good that she didn't because Paige appeared. The creamy skin on her legs once again clad in black lace and the crushed red velvet clinging tightly to her, securely fastened with the gold button she had once touched. The same buttons that pulled the fabric together across her chest. Every single one except the top two. The purpose for that was obvious and her eyes burned as she tried to focus on Stella standing by her side.

Mary and the girls continued their moves down the platform, their voices melting through the ears of everyone in the arena and as they reached the bottom Paige held her hand out to them. It was a gesture she knew well and one that she loved. She smiled as Paige assisted them in jumping down only for them to continue their dancing on the ground, kicking dirt into the fire barrier. She was only vaguely aware of Seth and Claire still moving above her head and the parade of acts moving around the dirt track surrounding the three rings was not at all where her attention was focused. Stella leapt to lowest step again and this time she walked on her own to the halfway point. Paige followed and stroked her head lightly as she passed her and swayed her hips to the very top. Her guess was that it was somewhere around eight feet which left Stella with the job of making the jump up instead of the easier jump down where she had gravity to help her. Paige bent her knees slightly when she reached the top, facing Stella. She could only barely see her lips moving as she spoke to her and before she could focus on it too much Paige straightened herself up and turned her back to the cat again, lining her heels with the edge of the platform. Worry coursed through at the fact that Paige was twice as high as she had been the first time and her stomach churned more when Riley appeared on the ground between them, clutching the flaming club in one hand and the bottle in the other. She knew immediately that he was there to be Stella's incentive not to mess up and by the readiness of her stance it was clear that she didn't intend to.

Riley took a swig of the liquid and dropped the bottle to his feet, taking a step back to give them room. He spit the contents of his mouth into the flaming club, shooting the line of fire into the air between them. Stella leapt at the same moment Paige flipped her body back into her dismount, their bodies moving through the air above the flame line at the same time. Paige was higher from having started on the highest level and she flipped over Stella's back, tucking her knees into her back flip as their bodies crossed in an wide 'x' formation over the fire. The cats paws dug into the ground beside Riley after she cleared the fire effortlessly and Paige's boots slammed hard into the dirt on his other side. It was amazing to her that the tiger showed no fear of the fire that licked at the fur of her stomach as she passed over it. The calm and reassurance in her eyes at the words that Paige had spoken to her. She felt the same way whenever Paige talked to her too. Like no matter what she was asked to do there would be no doubt in her mind that it was the right thing because the intentions behind her words were the purest possible. The truest sense of honesty and a child-like innocence.

Her eyes flickered quickly back to Mary and the girls and with a final kick from their boots a curtain of sparks fell from the ceiling like rain on fire. The silence in her head was deafening even though she could feel the vibrations in the air of the crowd roaring into applause.

"Can we go now?" She asked impatiently, looking at Peter who nodded enthusiastically.

"I'll get the truck, you get your horse." He smiled, pulling himself from the seat and following her out of the arena.

* * *

**Express- Christina Aguilera (Mary and the girls)**

It's a cold and crazy world

That's raging outside,

But baby me and all my girls

Are bringing on the fire.

Show a little leg, Gotta shimmy your chest.

It's a life! It's a style! It's a need! It's Burlesque!

E-X-P-R-E-S-S love sex

Ladies no regrets

E-X-P-R-E-S-S love sex

Ladies no regrets

Been holding back for quite some time

And finally the moment's right

I love to make the people stare

They know I got that certain savoir-faire

Fasten up Can you imagine

What would happen

If I let you close enough to touch?  
Step in to the fantasy

You'll never want to leave

Baby that's guaranteed... Why?

It's a passion, an emotion

It's a fashion

Burlesque  
It will move you

Going through you

So do what I do... Burlesque  
All ladies, confident, flaunt it

Boys throw it up if you want it  
Can you feel me? Can you feel it?

It's Burlesque... Burlesque... Burlesque

I tease em Till they're on the edge

They scream and moan For more and more... they beg

I know it's me they come to see

My pleasure brings them to their knees

Fasten up Can you imagine

What would happen

If I let you close enough to touch?  
Step in to the fantasy

You'll never want to leave

Baby that's guaranteed... Why?

It's a passion, an emotion

It's a fashion

Burlesque  
It will move you

Going through you

So do what I do... Burlesque  
All ladies, confident, flaunt it

Boys throw it up if you want it  
Can you feel me? Can you feel it?

It's Burlesque... eh, eh, Eh eh eh eh eh

Burlesque... eh, eh, Eh eh eh eh eh

Burlesque... eh, eh, Eh eh eh eh eh

Burlesque... eh, eh, Eh eh eh eh eh

Burlesque... eh, eh, Eh eh eh eh eh

Burlesque... eh, eh, Eh eh eh eh eh

Burlesque

It's a passion, an emotion

It's a fashion Burlesque  
It will move you

Going through you

So do what I do... Burlesque  
All ladies, confident, flaunt it

Boys throw it up if you want it  
Can you feel me? Can you feel it?

It's Burlesque... Burlesque... Burlesque  
Burlesque... Burlesque... Burlesque... Burlesque

* * *

**Circus Lyrics- Britney Spears (Paige & Stella)**

There's only two types of people in the world  
The ones that entertain and the ones that observe  
Well baby, I'm a put-on-a-show kind of girl  
Don't like the backseat, gotta be first

I'm a like the ringleader, I call the shots  
I'm like a firecracker, I make it hot  
When I put on a show

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins  
Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break  
I'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage  
Better be ready, hope that you feel the same

All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus  
When I crack that whip, everybody gon' trip just like a circus  
Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do  
Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor just like a circus

There's only two types of guys out there  
Ones that can hang with me and ones that are scared  
So baby, I hope that you came prepared  
I run a tight ship so beware

I'm a like the ringleader, I call the shots  
I'm like a firecracker, I make it hot  
When I put on a show

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins  
Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break  
I'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage  
Better be ready, hope that you feel the same

All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus  
When I crack that whip, everybody gon' trip just like a circus  
Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do  
Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor just like a circus

Let's go  
Let me see what you can do  
I'm runnin' this like-like-like a circus  
Yeah, like a what? Like-like-like a circus

All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus  
When I crack that whip, everybody gon' trip just like a circus  
Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do  
Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor just like a circus

All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus  
When I crack that whip, everybody gon' trip just like a circus  
Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do  
Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor just like a circus

* * *

**Show Me How You Burlesque- Christina Aguilera (Mary and closing ceremonies)**

Underneath the city lights

There is a world few know about

Where rules don't apply, no

And you can't keep a good girl down

She going through the club looking for a good time

Gonna make that Shake that money on the dime

Don't need a sugga daddy she can work it just fine

Up on the table She'll be dancing all night (hee-eey)

Babydoll just come alive

Under the spotlight

All the girls wanna fall in line  
We say He-eh-eh-hey

Here come the ladies bout to give a little show

He-eh-eh-hey

Here comes the boozie gonna show a little more

Hit it up, get it up- Wont let you rest

Hit it up, get it up- This is not a test

Hit it up, get it up- Gotta give me your best

So get your ass up show me how you burlesque  
Hit it up, get it up- Wont let you rest

Hit it up, get it up- This is not a test

Hit it up, get it up- Gotta give me your best

So get your ass up Show me how you burlesque

A little bit of naughty is a little bit nice

She's a whole lot of glam, sweat, sugar, sex, spice

Shimmy, shimmy, strut, strut

Give a little what, what

Up on the table We'll be dancing all night (hee-eey)

Everybody just come to life

Under the spotlight

All the boys wanna fall behind  
We say He-eh-eh-hey

Here come the ladies bout to give a little show

He-eh-eh-hey

Here comes the boozie gonna show a little more

Hit it up, get it up- Wont let you rest

Hit it up, get it up- This is not a test

Hit it up, get it up- Gotta give me your best

So get your ass up Show me how you burlesque  
Hit it up, get it up- Wont let you rest

Hit it up, get it up- This is not a test

Hit it up, get it up- Gotta give me your best

So get your ass up- Show me how you burlesque

Ok girls, lets show 'em how it's done

It aint over till we say

And we've only just begun

Lemme hear you say Yeah, yeah, yeah

Say yeaah, yeah yeah yeah

Say yeah yeah yeaah

Say yeaah yeah yeah

Hit it up, get it up- Wont let you rest

Hit it up, get it up- This is not a test

Hit it up, get it up- Gotta give me your best

So get your ass up Show me how you burlesque  
Hit it up, get it up- Wont let you rest

Hit it up, get it up- This is not a test

Hit it up, get it up- Gotta give me your best

So get your ass up Show me how you burlesque

* * *

**Breathless- The Corrs (Emily)**

Go on go on Leave me breathless

Come on  
Hey... yeah...

The daylight's fading slowly

The time with you is standing still

I'm waiting for you only

The slightest touch and I feel weak

I cannot lie, from you I cannot hide

And I'm losing the will to try

Can't hide it, can't fight it

So go on, go on, come on leave me breathless

Tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny

This loving feeling

Make me long for your kiss

Go on, go on

Yeah... Come on Yeah...

And if there's no tomorrow

And all we have is here and now

I'm happy just to have you

You're all the love I need somehow

It's like a dream

Although I'm not asleep

And I never want to wake up

Don't lose it, don't leave it

So go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless

Tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny

This loving feeling

Make me long for your kiss

Go on, go on

Yeah... Come on  
And I can't lie

From you I cannot hide

And I've lost my will to try

Can't hide it, can't fight it, So go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless

Tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny

This loving feeling

Make me long for your kiss Go on, go on, come on, leave... me breathless

Go on, go on, come on, leave... me breathless

Go on, go on, come on, leave... me breathless

Go on... go on!


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you to all the amazing readers who follow this story as it grows and thank you to everyone who tells me you're enjoying it. It is so amazing to hear your favorite parts and your hopes for the future of Paily. We are coming up on the big chapter 12 and this is the bridge into that amazing step forward.

A Big shout out to ** Shokoshik** for being my eyes when I'm tired and for staying up so late with me and giving me your wonderful advice! If you havent read **"As We Were"** please check it out! Its my one and only and I'm heart-broken about it drawing to a close.

** saii79** for..."oh my goodness I don't know how you still put up with me but I love you and im sorry for being crazy!" you are amazing and truly talented with your art so don't ever let anyone tell you to stop!

** lainierb** you are basically my rock! Thank you for always being there for me since the very beginning and know that im always here for you! I so enjoy being slapped into place with your snarky pics!

**My #KindaBritt**. BOOM! it goes very well with my BAM! all i hear are those drums from cosmic love lol and you always make me smile. BTW when is our next tea and Roswell date? Text me the deets (yup I just said deets!)

**For my girls who love Mary so much with me everyday** i apologize now for her absence but i will make it up to you in the 20,000 words that will be Chapter 12 ;)

This chapter contains my favorite Paige visual thus far and i hope you all enjoy it too. #Stella

* * *

She took a deep breath and pulled off her headset, dropping it onto the soundboard and moving her fingers to her temples. Everyone had cleared out thirty minutes ago and the silence was nice after an entire day of music and voices blasting through her ears. She loved every second of it but it definitely made her appreciate these moments so much more. The arena had emptied quickly and she could still hear voices of the crowds outside and the hum of cars driving away. It was her first chance to actually let her mind relax all day and Emily was there instantly, fresh in her mind and picking at her attention. Not picking, _holding_ it gently in her hand. The visions of Emily moving closer through the darkness and laying on the couch beside her. The feeling of touching her through blue lace and the way Emily rested her hand on her hip like it was always meant to be there and didn't plan on ever leaving. She was right to tell Emily that she used to have feelings for her and even more right to warn her that she possibly still did. After only four days it wasn't so much of possibility anymore, it was truth and it was happening on its own without any say from anyone else and honestly she didn't want it anyother way. Emily seemed to notice at least. She would have to be blind if she couldn't tell how much she wanted her, if even a little. She came to her on the couch and reached for her hand on her own and that had to count for something. There was a burning behind her eyes during intermission when Emily touched her hip and closed the gap between them as the crowds pushed by. They were just blurs of colors and noises moving past. They lost all shape clarity because her eyes were focused only on the clear image in front of her. Only on Emily.

The maze of curtains behind the show was tricky if you didn't know it but even then it was only fabric. They were by no means complicated and getting lost for more than five minutes wasn't possible because all you had to do was duck under them if need be, but still...she loved walking between the colors. The streams of purple and stripes hung so close together that the walking paths were tight and intimate. Like the soft satins and velvets were attempting to hug and caress your body as you passed.

Moving faster past the props and animals she pushed into a small curtained room full of every color and texture. Racks of costumes lined the sides along with a few mirrors framed with bare lightbulbs for makeup. If it weren't for the dim lighting she would have had to squint from the bright dresses and suits. The colors were vivid and the girls especially had a vast array of hues. Her black jeans lay folded on a chair by the vanity and she quickly unzipped her boots and kicked them off, slipping her thumbs under the tight waistband of the black glittered shorts. She slid them down and off of her legs, replacing them quickly with the jeans. They could hardly be called shorts. Boy shorts maybe but that referred to underwear and it had taken two years of performing to allowed to wear something like ripped lace as a costume. Not because she didn't want to but at sixteen her parents didn't agree. Once she became a legal adult the choice wasn't theirs anymore, and she hadn't ever really cared too much either way, but eventually it became clear that it was more entertaining for crowds to see a girl taming, a very tame tiger, in less clothing so she had nothing against the change for the benefit of the show. This change was different from what Sadie and the girls had in mind for her but it was good enough and nothing could convince her to wear less than she was at the moment. She frowned and looked down at her chest, sighing as she fastened the middle button on the white shirt, leaving the top few undone because realistically they weren't necessary to remain modest. No harm done as long as her bra wasn't hanging out as Mary often suggested. She pulled the red velvet from her body and tossed it onto the vanity before slipping back into her boots and running the zippers up the length of her calves. The lace usually stayed on until later. It was a habit she had developed a long time ago from having to make quick costume changes and it was easier this way because at the moment she didn't really want to waste too much time changing.

She tucked her radio into her back pocket and pushed out through the curtains, beginning a steady walk towards the animals. The arena was quiet except for a few people cleaning up and it wasn't surprising that Emily wasn't found here. She would likely be one of two places. Either she wasn't feeling well and went back to the train or she was with Ember. The latter was more likely and as she pushed through the blue curtain it became clear that she was right. Emily was most definitely with Ember. The question was where they were at the moment because they definitely weren't here. The stall was empty and she wasn't surprised. Instead she smiled and walked over to the cherry-red dirt bike, kicking up the stand and pushing it through the back curtains.

It was almost five o'clock now and the sky was slightly dark over the mountain though it was clear right away that it wasn't from the sun setting. Not even close because the rest of the sky was still a bright blue spotted with a few white clouds. She kicked down the bike stand and pulled her radio from her pocket, bringing it to her mouth as she turned her back to the storm forming in the distance.

"Hey Peter, have you checked in on the weather?" She stepped aside as a few workers pushed past, carrying heavy rolls of canvas from the smaller tents that had already begun falling to the ground. The shows were over for this stop and the faster everything was packed up the more time everyone had to relax before they moved out of town. They were set to have an extra two days of down time but that would change quickly if the weather did.

"Yeah, actually." Peters voice cut through the static. "Rain tonight and probably tomorrow but I'm not sure how bad."

"I don't really want to take the chance and get stranded again and have to cancel shows. Refunds are a bitch for that many people."

"Is everyone wrapping up already?" He asked. "Uh, if it gets taken down fast enough we can get going but you know that just puts you in Lincoln two days early."

Sh sighed heavily and watched the stands being carried from the tent along with the pieces of the ring barriers. "Thanks Peter, I wasn't aware of that. It's not like I can avoid it and she hasn't..." Her voice cut off at something he said and the clear distraction in his tone. "Wait...you should know everyones wrapping up because you should be here working too..."

"Uh, yeah." Peter agreed. "I'm working."

She squinted her eyes at the weak lie. "You're a really bad liar so where are you?" Static sounded through the speaker as puzzle pieces started to click together.

A few things she knew for sure. The radios had a five-mile radius and with a storm close it was safe to say maybe a little less. Emily was out riding and now Peter was attempting to lie. She turned her eyes towards the dirt road on the other side of the tracks and scanned the mountain. It all made sense quicker than she had expected because she knew exactly where to look. The next button she had planned to press on that remote in the arena would have shot flames from the barriers around Emily and now...judging from the small pillar of smoke twirling out of the forest, it was clear Emily had figured that out and that only made her smile. She tucked the radio in her back pocket and glanced over at the small line of utility vehicles, happy to find one of the water trucks missing. Throwing her leg over the seat of the bike she slammed her boot hard into the kick start, feeling the engine hum through her body

"Someone playing with fire?"

She turned and saw Riley approaching with a grin on his face as he watched the black smoke shooting up to the blue sky. "Apparently Emily found her calling."

Riley nodded in approval. "Babe, fire is everyone's calling in this show."

"True but...call me babe again and I'll lay you out." She smirked.

"Mary does that enough already so be nice because she is _always_ so giving." Riley smiled but when she shook her head firmly...he lost it and changed the subject. "Sydney called through from the yard, she wanted you to call back. Mary said if you gave her a radio she could tell you faster without having to send me and that would leave me and Mary more time for..."

"Thank you, you can stop." She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head to clear it. Of course Mary would want a radio so that she'd have an extra five minutes for her sex life instead of actually working. "We'll be back in a day or two so I'll talk to Syd then, but if she calls again just tell her to drop it."

Riley just nodded at those instructions. "Do you need back up?" He asked, gesturing to the black smoke in the sky.

"Take one of the ponies." She shot, revving the engine on the bike as she smiled proudly. The thought of Riley riding one of them with pretty ribbons in their hair was just too assuming to pass up. When Riley frowned she sighed and gestured to the other water truck, grabbing her keys from her pocket and tossing them at his face. His reflexes were good which wasn't surprising given who he chose to sleep with. Mary can be dangerous with objects. Cigarette lighters are easy to duck from, glass bottles are a little bit harder and Riley had a scar on his right arm from not moving fast enough. Though, in all fairness he did challenge her to throw it so.. he technically asked for it. Mary doesn't lose when it comes to bets. Remember that. You'll need it later. On a moving train without doctors she had reverted to straddling Riley on the pool table while Mary stood by laughing. She had tried to pour whiskey on the gash, and in his mouth, before sewing it up but Mary screamed at her for wasting it and poor Riley had to power through without. He smiled now and jogged towards the other truck, clad with a large water tank on the back and a hose. Suddenly she felt inclined to really warn Emily of what she was getting herself into.

She revved the engine again and eased up on the clutch as Riley pulled the truck behind her, tapping into second gear before she had even cleared the tracks. Even from the cover of the trees she could still see the black smoke rising to the blue sky and the smell of burning wood filled her nose as the wind blew her hair off of her shoulders. Down-shifting quickly the tires skidded in the dirt as she made the sharp left turn at the fork and within seconds the other water truck came into view, along with the fallen tree engulfed in fire. She killed the engine and while she smiled lightly to herself she hid it quickly from everyone else. Riley stopped and parked the other truck jumping out and following her lead. The perfect wing man at the moment. She spotted Emily first, obviously, leaning against the water tank on the truck watching Peter as he soothed Ember's neck. Emily saw her too and smiled. Its crazy how fast oxygen can be ripped from your chest and with Emily looking at her like that she wasn't sure if she ever needed to breathe again. She turned to Peter instead.

"I hope you called this in." She arched her eyebrows as she stopped by Emily's side.

Peter looked a little shocked at seeing her and with the engine from the first truck still running they clearly hadn't heard the dirt bike. "Of course I did." He smiled and point to a small sign on the side of the road for camp fires and controlled fires, stating seasons in which burns were permitted. "They didn't hesitate. This tree has been down for years and they trust us enough."

She nodded lightly and looked at Emily. The many perks of owning a company or business was that you could get away with a lot more than most people because you had something to lose. It was a bonus for people to bend rules for them because they could always sue you for everything _said_ company is worth. Always a good incentive to not fuck up which judging by the way the ground around the tree was properly soaked...Peter was doing everything right.

"So, I don't think I have to ask you what you're doing because I already know. "

Emily smiled, slightly embarrassed by the fact that she was proud of what she was doing. Her cheeks flushed as she met her eyes. "There you go again."

"What? " she asked, crinkling her brows. Emily just shook her head lightly, looking back at Ember while the pink was only spreading across her face.

"You know everything without having to ask." She kept her voice low, intimate from Peter and Riley standing nearby. "You only ask because you want to give me a chance to actually tell you on my own...but you always know already."

"Maybe but, its not hard to connect the dots between a burning tree, a water truck and a horse when there's a circus three miles away."

Emily chuckled lightly but didn't speak again. She watched Ember intently as Peter lit a small stick on fire and inched it closer to him. The basic steps of training an animal to tolerate flame so close to their bodies was to put it close to their bodies and let them learn that you're not going to let it hurt them. To make sure that it doesn't hurt them because if it does all bets are off. Move closer. Trust has be there and it takes time. Ember seemed to be tolerating the fire just fine and that was a good sign. Riley stroked his neck as Peter slowly brought the fire in front of his face. Seeing the fire was a challenge by itself, not seeing it was harder. Ember stamped uncomfortably as Peter walked around his body with the flame. He became more unsettled then because he couldn't see what Peter was doing with it. It was necessary because in reality, when an animal jumps over fire, they can see it as they close in but as they pass over their eyes lose sight of the flame beneath their bodies. They can't see it anymore but they know its there so the purpose for this was to get Ember to trust even when he couldn't see. He tried to turn his head because he didn't know what to expect. He knew the fire was there but now he had to put trust in Peter not to hurt him with it. Riley held Ember's neck still, keeping him from turning around to find the fire and within seconds Peter stood in front of him again and she could see the tension release from his body instantly as he relaxed. Peter walked around him one more time and this time he ducked under Ember's stomach with the fire and reappeared on his other side. He didn't jump or stamp and honestly he looked more bored than anything and that was because the flame was still small. Still, that progress was huge compared to any animal she had worked with before. Put a flame in front of a forty pound dog and how does it react? Now put it in front of 1500 pound animal and see how there could be issues.

"How long have you guys been out here?" She asked, turning to Emily again.

She shrugged. "An hour maybe. We left after the first show but I had to wait for awhile so Peter good call in the fire first and change out of the ruffled costume thing." Emily met her eyes again and smiled. "So how was the last show? "

"Good. Did you like the first one?"

Emily's smile widened and for some reason she always thought she would die at the claws of Stella but if the pink kept appearing so suddenly on Emily's cheeks then that was going to be the culprit of her dying young...and happy. "I did like the show." She nodded. "But umm, I'm kind of wondering what a costume would have to look like in order for you to protest wearing it." She could feel her own cheeks redden now because she knew exactly what Emily was referring to.

"Yeah, they want me in a lot less than ripped lace. I think even less than what Mary wears. My clothes are my choice."

"Really? " Emily smiled in disbelief."

"Yes and why is that so shocking?"

Its not shocking its...good. I mean if its your idea then I have more hope that it won't be disappearing."

"Definitely not. I learned a long time ago that crowds like scantily dressed girls. But still, its Mary and the girls that bring in a lot of the crowds. Sometimes at late night shows we place bets on who can find a child in the audience because its mostly drunk men and all of them are disappointed when Peter hands them a balloon animal and a cotton candy while they're watching Mary _not_ strip. She'd love to of course but there's the whole liability thing with our target audience."

"You're great with Stella so I have a hard time believing the crowds come just for them. I wouldn't." Emily shook her head firmly and looked back at Ember, smiling at what he was doing.

She struggled to pull her eyes away from her because all she wanted to be doing was studying Emily's face and attempting to read her every thought. To relish the way she had changed so much in just a few days. Maybe this was the real Emily. Every memory she had of her was brief and detached because she hadn't actually been a part of her life but Emily was always laughing with her friends and making the people around her smile. It felt beyond good to see Emily like this and get to be the person witnessing her so closely. It was amazing to be the one Emily was directing smiles at. It was pushed aside as Emily laughed and broke every wall of focus in her mind. She followed Emily's eyes to Riley. He was jumping like an damn idiot trying to push his body onto Ember's back but it only resulted in him sliding back down like a dead fish. Emily clearly wanted to say something but she was having to much fun watching him fail. She was learning fast and fitting in perfectly, relaxed enough to find enjoyment in poor Riley's failure and that made her feel proud. Emily didn't need a warning about what she was getting herself into. She already knew and she couldn't have been more thrilled about it.

After five minutes of laughing Emily finally had the heart to step up and nudge Ember's knee lightly. She was nicer than any of them because even Peter frowned at the end of their enjoyment. They were all perfectly content to laugh at Riley all day but Emily had a far kinder heart. Riley gave her his brief sarcastic smile.

"Couldn't have done that ten minutes ago?" He frowned.

"A for effort." Emily smiled stepping back so that Riley could slip onto Ember's back. He didn't seem to mind someone else riding him. Having been boarded for three years it was likely that others besides Emily had worked with him before.

"You get a 'C' for effort because I don't know you well and I already like you for playing with fire. Paige gets the 'F' because she enjoys laughing at my misery a little too much and I have a feeling she knew about the knee nudge trick."

Emily nodded and agreed. "She knows."

"Hey, Traitor!" She shook her head at Emily but there was no fight behind it. Emily's proud smile was beautiful and she'd gladly take the flack just to enjoy it longer. Emily rolled her eyes lightly and walked back over to her side, leaning against the tank of the truck again only this time a bit closer than she had been before. She kept her hands tucked casually into her front pockets of her jeans and for the first time she really noticed the color of the lace that clung to her. A tank top in the palest of blues and it glowed against her caramel skin. Breathtakingly flawless and full of intricate swirls of flowery vines.

"We're gonna see if he'll take the jump while the fire on the tree is low and if he does then we'll slowly kick it up higher." Peter stated. Emily nodded but she just shook her head at what was likely coming and watched as Riley rode Ember a short ways down the road, giving him a good head start and enough room to gain speed.

As they came flying into view she smiled and knew instantly that Riley was lucky to be wearing a long-sleeved shirt. Probably from the uneasy footing in Ember's stride and the simple fact that she knew animals better than he did. He stamped nervously through the speed and as he closed in on the fire he locked his legs and Riley took to the sky like a cartoon character. The way willy coyote always fell from cliffs and Ember was the road runner giving him a smug smile as he hit the ground. It was sadly comedic even though it shouldn't have been but he was seriously lucky to land in the soft ferns on the side of the road instead of on the burning tree. It was all she could do to keep from laughing and the only reason it was possible was because of the worry she saw on Emily's face. It softened quickly though as Riley pulled himself from the ditch and brushed off his jeans. He should have brushed off his mouth for the profanities too.

"Mother fucker!" He punched the air and walked back over to Ember. "That was awesome! One more time, I think he'll get it this time."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "That's not gonna work Riley, you have to let.. "

"Of course it'll work, McCullers." Riley insisted, nudging Ember's knee and sliding back up again. His footing was more steady than before and he followed Riley's command and started back up the road for speed.

"Riley!" She called after him but the sound of her voice was lost to him.

Emily still looked completely unsure and she was right to. Riley was stubborn and a show off and a reckless daredevil half the time. He was like the male version of herself sometimes except without the common sense part...and the intuition and the ability to see the answer sitting right in front of his fucking face. Well, not sitting..._Standing._

Ember seemed to be enjoying this situation as he neared the tree with a solid stride. So much more determination and strength behind his speed. She'd trained enough animals to know how to read them. Riley looked proud at how close success was but again at the last second Ember locked his legs and sent him flying to the ground. Was it even possible for a horse to look smug? Because he did. Ember was immensely satisfied with getting Riley's hopes up and then literally dashing them against the jagged gravel just out of spite. Emily looked even more worried now though and while everything looked good on Emily...it didn't feel good to see her that way.

"One more time!" Riley jumped up and grinned. She had to admire his spirit...but only in passing...and it passed quickly. She pushed her back off the truck and walked to Ember, leaving Emily still worried and watching.

"No." She said firmly, stroking Ember's neck. It wasn't necessary because Ember wasn't panicked he was just being proud and stroking his neck was her way of silently thanking him for being oh so amazing. Ember was making a choice and he refused to budge and she knew exactly why. She expected it because he was so much like Emily. She had tried to tell Riley but he didn't listen and part of him needed to learn the hard way for not listening.

"What the fuck Paige?" Riley threw his hands up in frustration and then nodded firmly because he understood immediately that it was the final word in the matter. She didn't need to elaborate on her reasoning but because of his mouth running away on him...it seemed like a good idea.

"If you break an arm I'll break your face because then I'm out a fucking act and if I don't have an act to fill your space then you'll be paying me while you heal."

"And a broken face won't put me out?" Riley quipped.

She shook her head. "No not at all. You don't need your face to toss fire. I've seen you do it with your eyes closed a million times."

"How the hell are you planning on getting him to perform the way she wants him to if you don't let us do this?"

"Riley when the fuck have you trained an animal? Are you working some mystery job on the side or are just trying to be a smart ass?"

"He's just trying to help, Paige." Peter interjected but the direct look he received from her made him step back again and focus his attention on a cloud in the sky. She took a deep breath and looked at Riley again.

"Animals need to trust you not to hurt them. He needs to know that he's gonna be okay and right now...he's looking out for himself. He could give a shit less if you crack your head open because at least you're off his back. If you want him to make that jump and not throw you to the ground then he has to be focused on wanting you safe too. He has to be aware of the fact that you're taking that risk with him and you can't do that Riley because the bottom line is he doesn't trust you and he'll keep throwing your ass off until you give up."

"So what then?" Riley sighed, crossing his arms over his chest in defeat.

She patted Ember's neck and stepped back. "You give up. I tried to tell you before but you're too proud sometimes and you don't listen." She said surely. "Emily needs to be the one to do it."

"He'll throw her off too. Do you really want to put her in danger to prove a point?" Riley protested.

She looked at Ember and focused in on a tremble beneath his skin, reaching her hand to touch his neck lightly. As her fingers made contact he stilled and relaxed and her breath hitched. She remembered the way Ember had laid down beside her in car 12 the night they had left Rosewood. It proved trust and safety. If he felt that for her, even a little, after only three days then what he felt for Emily was unmatchable. She clenched her jaw and dropped her hand to her side.

"He's not going to hurt Emily."

* * *

Riley shrugged and looked at her with an amused smile, like he was expecting to see something entertaining but she wasn't focused on him. She was watching her.

Paige turned to her with soft eyes. "How do you feel about trying? Ember trusts you and I think it would work if you did it."

She nodded instantly. "Yeah, okay."

Her blood began pumping at lightning speed as she stepped up willingly to Ember's side. Everyone else stepped back like they didn't want to be caught in the crossfire of her being thrown into the ground. Everyone except Paige. She stayed, stroking his nose lightly. She probably should have been more hesitant to say okay to this, any other person may have been, but she wasn't at all. Ember had thrown her before and while that was a strong possibility again...she knew Paige was right. Peter had insisted that she stand back while he tested the fire and none of that felt right or natural. They trusted each other so if there was any hope of this working at all, and she needed this to work, then she would need to be the one to work with him. After all she would be the one riding and it was going to be their act together so it made sense.

"You okay?" Paige asked, her eyes were burning into her. Searching the way they always did. She smiled as she threw her leg over Ember's back and brought him back up, resting her hands casually on her thighs as he stood steady beneath her. She rode without holding him sometimes. It was an exciting feeling with a possibility of falling but the knowledge that he wouldn't do anything to cause that to happen. At least, not anymore.

"Of course." She assured. "He's thrown me before so I'm not too worried about it." Her smile widened proudly as she watched Paige's resolve fall apart. The worry that came across her face and the way she was instantly put on the verge of protesting and calling the whole thing off. This new piece of information had Paige staring apprehensively at Ember like she was silently threatening him against acting out and shaming him to death.

"Em, do you want me to try first?" She asked, stepping away from Ember's head and closer to his side.

Paige kept her voice soft and leaned into him slightly, just inches from where her leg was resting around him. Her eyes were unsettled and it became clear that she didn't really know how to handle the worry she was feeling. That was the second time Paige had called her 'Em' and she couldn't have expected to feel so strongly by hearing it. It felt familiar, like home. It felt like she had heard her name leaving Paige's lips a million times and each time it touched her more and more. She slipped her hand down her leg towards Paige, reaching for her and smiling when she felt the heat of her fingertips burn into her skin.

"I'm fine I promise." She insisted. "And besides you said it yourself...he won't hurt me."

"That was before I knew that he's done it before." Paige clarified. "Maybe Riley's right. I don't want you to get hurt because of my idea."

"It was just a broken wrist." she argued, pulling a groan from Paige's throat that she forced herself to ignore. "And its not just your idea. I came out here and I said yes to trying this because if I can't do it then what's the point? I have to be the one riding him in the show so if he's not going to do it then I'd rather just cut to the chase and find out before i waste too much of everyone's time. If he won't do this for me he's not going to do it for anyone else."

Paige sighed and nodded, caving in quickly because she knew she was right. "Do it once without the fire and then we can light it up again. " she bargained.

"Deal."

Paige released her hand and let it drag itself down to the tips of her fingers, taking advantage of every second of the closeness before stepping back and breaking contact. The fire was already dying out on the tree and glowing embers were smoldering on the blackened bark. Paige walked to the truck and opened a metal hatch door on the side, pulling out a large sandbag. Riley was there right away to take it from her and she watched as he sprinkled a light coating over the fallen tree. Within seconds the embers died down.

Ember stamped impatiently and she didn't want to wait any longer either. She couldn't stand seeing Paige worry again and it seemed like a good idea to go the band-aid route. Rip it off quickly and just be done with it because the waiting was starting to drive her crazy. She didn't wait for Paige to look at her again, instead she tugged at Ember's mane and nudged her boot into his side, working him into a steady trot back up the road for a head start on gaining speed. When she reached the fork she turned him back around and took a deep breath.

"Just like yesterday." She whispered, patting his neck. "I want this."

She could see the trucks clearly but the only detail that she could make out regarding the tree was that no one appeared to be standing in front of it and once she noted that in her mind she nudged him hard in the side and tightened her grip on his mane as he shot forward. Her heart pounded because the only clear image in her head was the one of her flying into a fence three years ago and breaking her wrist and now the ones of Riley flying through the air. The difference was that she had gone further up the road than he had and Ember was going at least twice the speed as he had been when Riley was on his back. If this didn't work she would have more to worry about than a broken bone and so much more to lose.

Her eyes stayed focused as the tree moved closer and as Ember flew by the first truck she leaned into him and tightened her fingers in his hair, clenching her thighs around his body. She tried to close her eyes but her eyes wouldn't listen. They stayed as focused as Ember's as his hooves left the ground and slammed effortlessly into the dirt on the other side of the tree. She sighed relief and slowed him carefully as he burst into the small meadow, turning him back around.

Paige smiled at her as she came into view. A complete turn around from where she had been before. All worry was gone and she now leaned casually on the side of the water tank with her arms crossed proudly over her chest and one boot kicked up against the metal side. She was quickly becoming fond of that stance.

"Lets light it up." Paige smiled, pushing herself off of the truck.

"Definitely." She nodded.

Paige picked up a can of lighter fluid and poured it over the entire tree then pulled a book of matches from her back pocket. She ripped them off one a time and lit them, dropping the tiny flames quickly to the bark as she walked along the length. The fire shot up instantly, too close to Paige. So close that it made her uncomfortable. She knew why Paige was worried before. Seeing the flames during the show was very different from being right beside them and worlds apart from having them so closed to someone you care so deeply for. Even ten feet away she could feel the heat and as Paige stepped back and nodded...her heart did a million tiny flips and landed with a thud in her stomach. She swallowed hard and kicked Ember into a trot back up the road. She had to move quickly before she lost all the nerve she had left and with a three-foot wall of fire to think about...there wasn't much left.

She pulled hard on his mane as he reached the fork, not bothering to slow him down or falter in any way. His hooves skidded into the dirt as he turned sharply, nearly losing his footing completely as she kicked hard into his sides, pushing a grunt from his lungs. This wasn't the time for nudging. Ember was everything to her but at the moment he needed to be pushed and if she didn't push him then she wouldn't be pushing herself and that was something she needed more than anything. He huffed loudly and thundered back down the road but she didn't let up. She kicked again as the fire grew closer...and again.

"Come on!" she urged.

She released one hand from his mane and held tight with the other, leaning into him and running her free hand lightly across his neck. He panted heavily but his steps were solid and silence filled her ears as his hooves left the ground again. A wall of heat blasted against her face, pushing her hair back off her shoulders and ripping the air from her lungs in one gust. She could feel the flames warming through her boots and jeans and it lit another fire in her bloodstream. A river of adrenaline that was already becoming an addiction. Ember crashed back to the ground and stormed clear through into the meadow and she didn't stop this time either. She couldn't stop. She pulled hard and turned him around fighting back the sting in her eyes of having everything she wanted just waiting for her to take.

"Again." she kicked.

She smiled as he cleared the wall of fire with ease and this time he slowed himself down and came to a stop beside Paige. He was probably a little annoyed with being jerked around but it had to happen and he didn't really seem too winded or put out. She was there immediately reaching for her. As she slid from Ember's back Paige guided her down, resting her hands lightly on her hips. Once her feet were on the ground she turned around to face her and beamed at the proud smile on Paige's lips.

"When can I start in the show?" she smiled, forcing herself to stay clear through the burning behind her eyes.

Paige grinned and shook her head in disbelief. Her mouth opened to speak but she couldn't find the words and that made her feel even happier in that moment. Paige always had the perfect and right thing to say but not this time. As much as she loved the way Paige talked to her...speechless was amazing.

"I'm trying again!" Riley stepped forward and pushed up the sleeves of his dirty black thermal, slapping his chest with his hands.

"Why the hell do you guys do that?" Paige dropped her hands and turned to look at him, shaking her head in confusion. "Is it like some alpha male crap?"

"It gets the blood flowing." Riley shrugged, taking a step closer to Ember like he had been given the 'okay' for another attempt.

"Oh no you don't." Paige said firmly. "Blood will be flowing if you try again and it won't be from Ember throwing you to the ground like a bitch."

"Oh Paigey you're no fun." Riley teased, stepping closer with a mischievous smile that seemed to make Paige apprehensive.

"Don't!" Paige frowned and pointed a finger accusingly at him. "Seriously Riley...don't."

Riley took another step and stopped, just for a brief second before he plowed into her and wrapped his arms around Paige's waist.

"Damnit!" Paige snapped. Riley tried to pick her up over his shoulder but she swept her boot hard under his foot and made him slam to the ground laughing. His black shirt was mostly brown now but somehow Paige's white button up was crisp and glowing. "You're such an ass." She kicked her foot playfully into his side just hard enough to make him wince but his smile didn't fade. Even when Paige bent down and punched him in the stomach, his smile stayed.

"That was amazing." Peter said as he stepped to her side, pulling her smile and attention away from Paige pushing Riley back to the ground as he attempted to stand up.

Her eyes just instantly found their way back to the scene before her. It was completely new to see Paige smiling the way she was at that moment. The playfulness was something she had seen between her and Mary and even with Peter but that was simply comical banter being exchanged. This was a whole new level. The flush of pink on her cheeks as Riley wrapped his arms around her ankles and tried to pull her down too. It only resulted in her slapping him upside the head.

"Do you know what you're wanting for your act?" Peter was looking at her more intently because she hadn't really acknowledged his comment.

"Um, I don't really know." She shook her head and turned to face him politely. "He's fast and he doesn't seem to mind jumping through the fire."

Peter nodded thoughtfully. "_Through_ the fire, huh?"

"Well,..._over_ it I guess." She corrected.

Peter nodded again and smiled. "No...I like _through_ better."

"How long do you think it'll take before we're ready to actually be in the show? Paige said Mary and the girls took months before the act was ready."

"Every act is different." Peter stated. "Most of what took the girls so long was just finding them. Mary was already with us for a little while when we needed her to take over the lead and she came with the talent. But if you didn't notice...burlesque woman have a certain physique and we had to find girls that had _that_ along with the vocals and coordination. I don't think we can compare you to them at all. Every act has different needs and I can say this much..._ if_ we had everything figured out at this point when it comes to the actual appearance of your act I'd put you both in the next show because its all trial and error and you never know exactly how it'll go until you have a crowd of thousands screaming for you."

She smiled and absent-mindedly stroked Ember's neck. "Okay, so appearance wise I noticed the whole outer circle around the rings." She noted. "Its huge and its plenty of room for him to build up enough speed for jumps."

Peter nodded in agreement. "So then we have two things down. The track and jumps."

"No." She shook her head. "Four things down. The track, jumps, fire and _through_."

Peter's smile widened. "Let me worry about the _'through'_ part." He turned away and grabbed the hose from the ground, flipping a tiny lever on the end and drenching out the burning tree. The sky was still blue but suddenly a deep rolling sound in the distance filtered down through the trees like a train thundering through a canyon.

"Just stay down." Paige laughed, bringing her attention back to where she really wanted it. Paige smiled and left Riley laughing on the ground as she walked back over, out of breath from the wrestling match that she had clearly won judging by her clean white shirt. She spoke to Peter first as she stopped close to her side with one thumb tucked casually under the waistband of her jeans. That was a hand position she was struggling to appreciate at the moment because of the patch of skin on Paige's hip that was being exposed beneath her untucked shirt.

"We should probably get back. Everything should be almost done by now no thanks to our little group of slackers here."

"What do you want to do about that storm coming in?" Peter asked over his shoulder, still focusing his attention on watering down the fire. Riley had pulled himself from the ground and was now brushing the dirt from his clothing. It was a useless attempt and he gave up quickly.

"If we can get wrapped up here before it gets dark we might as well leave and try to miss it. If everyone is going to be trapped on the train together because of it I'd rather just keep going and make some progress that way I don't have to worry about canceling shows."

"Lags are usually down time for everyone though. " Riley stated, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yes genius, I know that." Paige sighed. "If we go then we can just get to the yards faster and have extra time there.  
How much fun is down-time going to be if we're all stuck on the train for the duration of a storm?" She raised her eyebrows for a brief second before changing her mind on that question. Probably because of the dopey grin that appeared on Riley's face. "Don't answer that." Paige shook her head.

"What?" He laughed. "Mary and I have a lot of fun. She can't get enough of me."

Paige smiled and reached for him, mussing his hair roughly. "You're so pretty Riley."

"And you've mastered your patronizing mockery." He quipped, ducking his head away.

Thunder rumbled again and the blue of the sky was becoming speckled with more white clouds. The tree lay blacked and cooled without a hint of smoke drifting from it but Paige grabbed the sand bag and dumped the contents over the length of it to smother anything that may have remained and Peter grabbed a large fire extinguisher from the truck and gave it a thick once over. She was so preoccupied watching the way they moved without words and took care of everything without a hitch. Riley soaked the ground again with the hose until puddles formed. A well-oiled machine was the only way to describe how they worked together. Ember nudged her shoulder and she felt guilty for nearly forgetting that he was there and even then she only managed to pet his neck without really looking at him. Her eyes and thoughts were on other things, like jumping over fire and the heat passing through her body. Her eyes were on Paige as she tossed the empty sand bag into the truck and brushed her long waves from her face. That pushed her thoughts away from the heat of the fire and to the heat of Paige's hand in her own as she stood looking up at her on Ember's back. Everything was becoming too much. Her mind felt heavy and light at the same time from feeling after feeling and revelations that she was keeping to herself. That's what the last few days had been. A giant 'waking up' from the mess of a life she had. Like opening your eyes from the darkest of places and finding the brightest thing in the world standing right in front of her. It was overwhelming and draining to be constantly decoding you're own mind and your own feelings especially when she had grown so used to not caring. Paige was there patiently waiting and allowing her the chance to find herself without any amount of pressure. She had thought Paige was selfless before and it was only confirmed more with each passing second. She was the kind of person that made everyone better just by knowing her and she had a natural way of making everyone want to be better. You could see it in the way they all worked together and being here to witness it made the image come together of a family that she was getting to be a part of. One she already felt like she'd do anything for.

Peter and Riley climbed automatically into the two trucks and backed down the narrow road to flip around at the fork where they would have more room. She watched after them until the sound of engines faded and were replaced with boots in gravel that stopped beside her.

"That was really amazing." Paige breathed.

She looked over at her and the proud smile on her face and seeing it made her feel so much more proud of herself. "I honestly didn't expect him to jump that easily."

"I did." Paige admitted. "I've watched you with him... and its easy to see that he'd carry you anywhere." She smiled and patted Ember's neck as she watched Paige walk over to the red dirt bike. "I don't think he'd ever say no to you." Paige smiled teasingly as she threw her leg over the seat of the bike and flipped the small switch on the handle bar.

"What do you mean?" She crinkled her brows and nudged Ember's leg to climb up then walked him over beside the bike. Confusion flooded through her as Paige shook her head lightly as if to clear it and then slammed her boot hard into the kick-start.

"Nothing. Just that if he ever denied you anything then I'll have to have a sit down with him and get some pointers on the subject."

She furrowed her eyes and thought about the meaning behind Paige's words and all that she was trying to say. It was just a hunch but worth investigating further. "Paige?" She called over the engine. Paige looked at her automatically and rested back into the seat, balancing the bike between her legs. She was learning to hate the bike for obvious reasons.

"Yeah?" She asked curiously, waiting for insight to what she was thinking. She was like a kid on Christmas waiting for an amazing gift or a child at a spelling bee waiting to ring the buzzer and call out the right answer. Whatever she was thinking was the prize to Paige and it seemed she needed the knowledge. Like breath in her lungs...Paige strived to know.

"Tell me no." She demanded. Paige smiled and turned away quickly, revving the engine loudly to ignore her and refusing to give her a 'no' even in the form of a head shake. "Come on tell me." She pressed.

After a second Paige looked back at her with a twinkle in her eyes and it hit her like a ton of bricks flying at her face. Suddenly it was so easy to see what Paige was feeling. The same thing that Paige told her she had possibly never stopped feeling. She hadn't put much hope into those words because she hadn't really believed it was possible for someone she didn't know to feel for her but it was all there, standing in front of her and putting no pressure on her to return it. The beautiful part of it was that she was feeling and caring for Paige too. She understood the pain that came when she thought of denying her anything and the pain that came with the thought of letting her down. It was more than just feeling indebted to her and more than just wanting to thank her or prove herself to be worth the cause. In just a matter of days it felt so unfathomable yet she couldn't stop thinking about a girl she barely knew and that was probably because she felt like she knew her completely already. Little mannerisms like pockets and braids, smiles and the way Paige looked at her. The way she caught herself always looking back. The way she looked at the empty space long after Paige had walked away. She had stared at the flyer in her hands and then again at the closing door as Paige walked inside the bar. The longing she felt when Paige had walked down her front steps and into the night. She had always been looking for something that she couldn't seem to find and now that something had a face and a name and a whole life that was welcoming her in and silently begging her to stay. A person that wanted her and couldn't deny it. A person that would let her go if it was what she wanted even if it meant pain for herself. It broke her heart and made her smile at the same time because she was on her way to really being a person that deserved the type of care Paige had been showing her. Her strength in herself was something she could feel growing and magnifying with each passing moment and she wanted it badly.

She bit her lip and kicked her foot into Ember's side. She wanted Paige and that desire was getting harder to ignore.

* * *

Riding beside Emily was the epitome of the perfect moment. It was like being privy to a beautiful secret that the world couldn't see no matter how hard they tried. You could squint your eyes and try to make out the clear lines of the girl riding free and happy but if you didn't know her...if you didn't know the beauty of that girl...it would be completely and utterly lost on your simple eyes. It wasn't lost on her. Not a single moment of it. Not the wind blowing through her hair or the breaths leaving her mouth. She could count each one and her eyes could almost see them leaving her lips like silky strands of hot color blending into the air. Certainly the smile tugging at her lips was not lost on her either because every few moments it was aimed directly at her when Emily looked over. The sound of the engine and Ember's hooves digging into the gravel was forgotten and her ears were training themselves instantly to pick up on only the panting of Emily's lungs as the air worked its way in so easily. Emily breathing was the greatest gift because every second she had been around her Rosewood this girl had been holding her breath, drowning slowly and surely in everything around her but not now. She was breathing now and her own lungs increased just by having her close.

She tapped her foot and downshifted as train grew closer, skidding to an easy stop beside car 16. Emily stopped beside her and smiled as she slipped down from his back, taking in the now empty field before her. Not entirely empty. A few things remained like several crates and bales of hay and the tent posts that needed to be pulled from the ground. The deep red of fabric had already been rolled up and packed away and the workers we're still busily coiling up the strands of lights.

"Everything disappears fast. " Emily breathed, looking sadly at the empty field.

"Not everything." She promised, drawing Emily's eyes to meet her own but they wouldn't find her. "Please don't do that."

"Do what? " She asked, crinkling her eyebrows in confusion.

"Look sad every time the show comes down." She clarified, sliding off of the bike and kicking the stand down as she faced Emily. "Its not the ending for you remember? For this town it is, for now, but its just starting for you so please don't be sad. Not everything disappears, just the things that aren't meant to stay in your life."

Emily furrowed her eyebrows and looked back at the emptying field. "I can't promise you I won't be a little sad every time we leave and the tents fall. Rosewood is the exception." She smiled now. "It'll be sad when we run out of those brownies."

"Damnit the brownies." She cringed and clutched her chest in mock pain. "Part of me dies every time that little purple box lays empty in my lap so go ahead..." she urged, "stare at the field and cry because i'll cry with you. They deserve a moment of silence."

Emily laughed and shoved her playfully in the arm which felt amazing and she quickly found herself making a mental note to tease her more often so that she could be pushed around.

"Hey, easy with the shoving. Did you not see what happened to Riley? I can take you."

Emily crossed her arms over her chest at the challenge. "You really think so?" She smiled and cocked her head slightly and that was a move she knew well. She couldn't keep herself from smiling because it was _her_ very own move and on Emily...it was dangerous.

"No." She shook her head firmly. "No, you would absolutely destroy me."

"Again with the 'caving', McCullers." Emily shook her head and sighed.

She crinkled her brows and crossed her own arms now. "You've been hanging out with everyone too much." She accused.

Emily chuckled and shook her head. "Nope just you." She smiled proudly.

"Well keep it up." She nodded approvingly. "I look good on you."

Emily's breath hitched slightly but then her cheeks turned pink as she struggled not to laugh. "Wow!" She shook her head in agreement. "You're right. You are really rubbing off on me." Emily smiled and touched Ember's neck, leading him around the side of the train to car 12.

"Damn."

She couldn't move. Even once Emily was out of sight she just stared at the empty space for a few moments. "She would destroy me." She breathed, shaking her head lightly and repeating those words like a mantra in her mind...adding a few additional words. "I'm completely fucked," and 'Holy shit'. That was a good solid mantra that should be repeated daily like prayer. Maybe even hourly...better yet lets just keep saying it until it sinks in.

Her mind raced as she kicked up the stand of her bike and rolled it up the ramp of 16, leaning it in the back corner beside the black truck before tossing the canvas tarp back over it and leaving it behind. She didn't jump back to the ground. Instead she worked her way through the doors of the train. 15 was partly tents and fabrics, large crates full of reds and blues, velvets and satins. Some piles lay stacked neatly on the raw wood floors but mostly Car 15 was an enclosed thick chain-link wall bolted down to the ceiling and floor with only a narrow space to walk around.

Stella's cage sat open inside of this enclosure and she lay happily sprawled out on the warm wood floor, basking in the sunlight and breeze that poured through the open window. Not _open_ exactly because chain link covered it too for safety reasons. A tiger jumping from a train into a nice quiet suburban town would make headlines that they didn't need. The guards weren't here like they always were when she was out in public areas, mostly because she was closed in at the moment but also because she didn't need them. They traveled with the trucks usually because they weren't qualified for anything that she herself couldn't handle. It takes serious licensing and training to have a tiger and she had to have it all in order to keep her. The guards were just backup to keep the crowds at ease and they weren't needed once the crowds had faded away. Still, precautions had to be taken and her eyes sadly flickered over to the small box on the floor.

She walked over to the metal box and unlocked the combination. Law said she had to follow the rules and she intended to because she couldn't risk Stella. She couldn't risk the show either. Inside she pulled out a small silver pistol and loaded it with two small darts, snapping the chamber and the safety before tucking it under belt. It wasn't her favorite thing to have to do but she didn't have a choice and she had learned long ago to ignore the cold metal against her hip. She unlocked the combination on the enclosure and grabbed the violet rope that was clipped on the fence. Stella made a sudden hum in her throat as she perked up on the floor. She attached the rope to the purple leather around her neck and Stella stood quickly and followed her lead outside, jumping eagerly into the soft grass and nearly throwing her off balance as she was ripped from the car too. The strength of a tiger making her feel like a child's rag doll.

"Dude seriously." She tugged the rope and stella stopped, falling lazily into the grass and stretching herself out. "You're pathetic." She smiled, dropping to the grass beside her as she began rubbing her hand lightly through her fur. Stella flopped slightly over on her side and exposed her stomach more as she brought a front paw up and pushed against her knee. It was twice the size of her knee and nearly three times the size when she extracted her claws as she stretched them. They gripped firmly into her jeans and then relaxed again. It was weird to look at her and still see a baby that she used to be. In her temperament she was still very much a baby but the size was intimidating if you didn't know her behavior. She was after all a tiger but she personally never saw her as that. She was predator by nature and but not at heart.

"She's beautiful."

She turned her head to see Emily standing a safe distance behind her, hesitant to approach but not scared. She held her hand out to her and Emily inched closer slowly keeping her eyes on Stella who was sound asleep in the warm grass.

"Come here." She breathed.

Emily reached her hand and she closed tightly around it and pulled her down on the other side of her, opposite from where Stella was laying and using her own body as a barrier between the two of them. She knew the tiger well enough to know that she was greatly unbothered by new people but Emily didn't know that so she focused on tending to her needs. Making sure that she was comfortable and that she wasn't pushed too fast. She kept her hand lightly wrapped around Emily's, just letting her adjust to the closeness. Her eyes were still locked on Stella and Emily swallowed hard as her eyes flickered to their hands. Curiosity told her to let go so she did. She let go of Emily's hand and watched her relax instantly but seeing that only made a dryness form in her own throat. Stella didn't have much to do with the blush on Emily's cheeks.

"She won't hurt you." She assured. "I promise."

Emily looked at her and made a decision instantly. She reached for her hand again and allowed her to guide it closer. Emily leaned her body over her lap and towards Stella. The tension returned automatically but she radiated with a heat that somehow chilled her skin on contact. Like walking from a snowy day into a sweltering home. You shiver because of the sudden change in temperature especially when it's so drastic.

She moved slowly until Emily's fingers and her own rested just a breath above the fur on Stella's side. Her body was leaning in close to her own, reaching over her legs. She held Emily's hand firmly and shifted herself up onto her knees so that Emily could get closer without having to reach so much. Both of them now kneeling beside the sleeping tiger. Emily didn't speak, probably for fear of waking her up so she kept quiet too, giving Emily what she needed in that moment. To feel safe.

Emily took a deep breath and pressed her fingers down into the white of Stella's coat, bravely taking that next step and smiling when she did. She pulled her hand and away slowly and let Emily make her own moves, gliding her fingers across the soft fur. Stella shifted and stretched and Emily jumped back and grabbed her leg.

"Holy shit!" Emily gasped. Her breath caught quickly at the feeling of Emily's hand on her thigh but she focused quickly as Stella lifted her head from the ground to look at them. The profanities sounded good on her tongue and almost made her smile but she kept focused. Emily's needs first.

"Hey...step back for second." She whispered. "I want to show you something."

Emily nodded and didn't hesitate to scoot back, slower than she really needed to, resting cross-legged into the grass. She stood up and pulled on the violet rope and Stella followed her up eagerly, giving Emily a reassuring smile when she jumped at the sudden alertness of the tiger. She led her away a few feet so that Emily could relax more. A sleeping tiger was a lot different than a playing tiger and she intended to play. She also intended to get Stella as angry as possible and with Emily nearby...her stomach did flips...but it needed to happen.

She readied her hand over the radio in her back pocket. The main reason she stepped away from Ember when it beeped was because of the frequency that annoyed animals. It acted much like a dog whistle would and was perfect for training in the same way. She turned her back to Stella so she was clear on where her hand was positioned, testing her focus and telling her to pay attention because she could flip the switch at any moment. The reason she turned her back was for Stella to focus on what the radio was telling her to do and ignore the loving eyes that could mix signals when she was working. That skill with the eye contact was an example of how well she was trained. It wasn't possible with many animals but they had formed that bond. In fact she could only think of one other person that shared that kind of bond with an animal.

Emily jumped as Stella roared behind her, her eyes locked onto the hand that rested over the radio. The thing with Stella and the noise was that it didn't really annoy her. She had trained her to react to it like it did but it didn't. Reverse psychology in an odd way. Animal trainers would often create triggers for animals that made them easier to work with. The wrong kind of trainer chose to inflict pain with an object so that when the object was presented in front of the animal it would react accordingly out of fear of being punished with it. That was never her policy but it was the same principle. Stella reacted accordingly to the sound because she was taught to...not because she was forced to or threatened in any way. She had a much better incentive to follow commands.

She reached into her front pocket and turned around to face her. Stella tilted her head back and roared again... because she was a little impatient sometimes. She pulled out a small green pellet from her pocket and held it out to her in the palm of her hand and it disappeared quickly as Stella snagged it up. Her voice was firm as she leaned in closer to the tiger's face, resting her hands on her knees as she hunched down.

"Do you see the girl over there?" She tilted her head in Emily's direction. Emily straightened herself up and listened in.

Their conversations made Stella the perfect actress because Emily didn't realize the extent of her training. With perfect timing Stella chuffed and looked in the opposite direction at a group of workers walking by.

"No not over there." She corrected. "Those aren't girls." She gestured with her head again. "The pretty one." Stella's eyes snapped back to her and she chuffed lightly. "Well don't be rude...look at her." She urged. Stella looked over at Emily and she followed her gaze to see the smile on her lips. "Okay now listen to me carefully." She demanded. Stella looked back at her again automatically. "No no...look at the girl and listen." The tiger's eyes moved back to Emily whose smile widened. "I need you to make me look good. Can you do that?"

Stella chuffed again and she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small purple pellet and handed it to her before she dropped the rope to the ground. She took a few steps back and reached into her back pocket, flipping on the small radio to static. This time Stella reacted more to her trigger.  
She clicked the volume up a little higher. Emily probably couldn't hear it but the growl that formed in Stella's throat told her that she could. She roared and out of the corner of her eyes she saw Emily jump. She stepped back and created a space between them but Stella was annoyed already and she tilted her head back and roared menacingly then lowered herself to the ground and rolled her shoulders, ready to pounce. Stella growled and leapt towards her. She stepped aside quickly and let the large cat crash into the ground where she had been. The anger rose in the animal as she turned her eyes on her again.

"Bad mood today, Stella?" She teased and shook her head, tossing a treat into the air for her to catch.

Stella snapped at it and swiped at her hand with her paw as she stepped away from her again, putting another decent gap between them. She flipped the radio higher and Stella roared. The tension in her body increasing as she grew more annoyed. She wasn't quite angry enough yet but she still leapt towards her again and with one swift movement she flattened herself to the ground on her stomach as Stella flew over her body and landed several feet on the other side of her. She wanted to look at Emily to make sure she was okay but she couldn't bring herself to see her reaction at the moment. There was a point she needed to prove because she didn't want Emily to be scared around the animal she had raised. She stood quickly because Stella was moving around her much faster now, growling and sizing her up. Just waiting for her to make a move.

"Come one Stella." She shot as she stepped back and created a larger gap between them. Thirty feet to be exact. "You can do better than that."

She flipped the volume of the static higher on the radio and Stella tensed completely. Her skin shook with a flaring temper, not hesitating to charge towards her as she snarled. She moved too, pushing forward and running at the tiger full speed. She could hear her claws tearing the grass, mixing with the thud of her boots slamming into the ground as they closed in on each other. Stella set her sights low, locking her eyes onto her legs which was exactly where she was intending to strike. She counted quickly in her head and as the gap closed to five feet... she jumped, tucking her knees into a front flip over Stella's body. Her hair whipped around her face and her feet planted solidly into the ground. She looked at Emily now and wasn't surprised to see the hesitation and discomfort on her face.

Time to prove that point because Stella was pissed.

"Stella!" She called, looking at the tiger that was visibly shaking with anger a few feet away. She walked closer quickly, unphased by the growl in her throat as she closed in. Emily on the other hand tensed completely and probably stopped breathing too but she didn't focus on that. She marched up to her and wrapped her hand firmly over her mouth. Stella didn't pull away and the growl silenced along with the tension in the her body. She released her then and leaned down, pressing a kiss to the to the tip of her nose which started an automatic purr in her throat.

"Good Job." She whispered, reaching around to pocket to flip the radio off. She could have left it on and it wouldn't have bothered Stella. It was all about timing and knowing when she was or wasn't supposed to react to it. She knew they were done. Well...almost done.

She grabbed the purple rope that still hung freely around her neck and led her back over to Emily who smiled but still looked a little uneasy.

"Stella." She commanded. She sat down at hearing her name and waited patiently for the next direction. "Say grace." Stella brought her front paws up and ducked her head down under them, rolling a loud purr on her tongue. The reward was a laugh from Emily and the biggest smile.

"Can we try to get one more smile from the pretty girl?" She asked. Stella chuffed and looked at Emily. "Okay. Say 'ahhhh'." She commanded, opening her mouth up wide. Stella mimicked her automatically and opened hers wide too, showing the size of her teeth. She bent down and tilted her chin up to inspect them carefully. "You've been brushing good." She nodded in approval and dropped another candy into her mouth which Stella spit quickly to the ground. She looked down to see the orange pellet laying in the grass. "Right, you don't like orange ones do you?" Stella licked her lips and waited as she pulled out a red and offered it. Emily chuckled when she accepted that one quickly. "Take a bow." Stella bowed her head down to the ground and Emily clapped for her, then she rolled over into the grass again and closed her eyes.

"Sorry, she's lazy." She dropped down to the ground beside Emily and smiled.

"Uh yeah she wasn't too lazy five minutes ago. I think she earned the nap." Emily beamed and watched her as she slept.

"You can touch her again. You could punch her in the face and she wouldn't hurt you."

"How do you know that?" Emily smiled and eyed her skeptically.

"Because she knocked me on my ass one time from running under my legs and I punched her in the face." She admitted. "I fractured three knuckles and she sneezed."

"Oh my God. " Emily laughed again. "So that's what this show was for? You're trying to prove to me that you can piss her off but she won't hurt you? Or me?"

"Because she's not really pissed off." She shook her head. "She's just good enough to make you think she is. Trust me sometimes I think she is too but she's never let me down."

Emily sighed and reached for Stella on her own. Her eyes shot open and she lifted her head but Emily stayed strong even as she sniffed her hand. Emily didn't pull away at all and after a moment she rested her head back into the grass. She moved her hands into her fur again, running them lightly over the black stripes. Stella deserved a punch in the face at the moment just for sleeping through this. Emily's hands where grazing over her body and she wasn't appreciating a second of it. She didn't realize how good she had it to be touched by her and she had to bite her lip and look down at her lap instead of watching the way Emily's fingertips moved so softly.

"So why doesn't she like orange?" Emily asked, keeping her eyes in awe over the sleeping animal.

"Look at her." She pointed. "She's a _white_ tiger. It's a serious complex."

* * *

**Some Hearts* Carrie Underwood (Emily)(I DO NOT OWN THESE LYRICS)**

I've never been the kind that you'd call lucky  
Always stumbling around in circles  
But I must have stumbled into something  
Look at me  
Am I really alone with you

I wake up feeling like my life's worth living  
Can't recall when I last felt that way  
Guess it must be all this love you're giving  
Never knew never knew it could be like this  
But I guess

Some hearts,  
They just get all the right breaks  
Some hearts have the stars on their side  
Some hearts,  
They just have it so easy  
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes  
Some hearts just get lucky, lucky sometimes

Now who'd have thought someone like you could love me  
You're the last thing my heart expected  
Who'd have thought I'd ever find somebody  
Someone who someone who makes me feel like this  
Well I guess

Some hearts,  
They just get all the right breaks  
Some hearts have the stars on their side  
Some hearts,  
They just have it so easy  
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes  
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes

Even hearts like mine  
Get lucky, lucky sometimes  
Even hearts like mine

Some hearts  
They just get all the right breaks  
Some hearts have the stars on their side  
Yeah,Some hearts,  
They just have it so easy  
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes  
Some hearts  
They just get all the right breaks  
Some hearts have the stars on their side  
Some hearts,  
They just have it so easy  
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes

* * *

**Wanted* Hunter Hayes (PAIGE)(I DO NOT OWN THESE LYRICS)This is one reason i keep songs close. Best foreshadowing that I can ever offer :)**

You know I'd fall apart without you  
I don't know how you do what you do  
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me  
It makes sense when I'm with you  
Like everything that's green, girl I need you  
But it's more than one and one makes two  
So put aside the math and the logic of it  
You gotta know you're wanted too  
I wanna wrap you up  
Wanna kiss your lips  
I wanna make you feel wanted  
I wanna call you mine  
Wanna hold your hand forever  
And never let you forget it  
Yeah I, wanna make you feel wanted  
Anyone can tell you you're pretty  
And you get that all the time, I know you do  
But your beauty's deeper than the makeup  
**And I wanna show you what I see tonight**  
**When I wrap you up**  
**When I kiss your lips**  
I wanna make you feel wanted  
I wanna call you mine  
Wanna hold your hand forever  
And never let you forget it  
'Cause Baby I, wanna make you feel wanted  
As good as you make me feel  
I wanna make you feel better  
Better than your fairy tales  
Better than your best dreams  
You're more than everything I need  
You're all I ever wanted  
All I ever wanted  
And I just wanna wrap you up  
Wanna kiss your lips  
I wanna make you feel wanted  
and I wanna call you mine  
Wanna hold your hand forever  
And Never let you forget it  
Yeah I, wanna make you feel wanted  
Baby I, wanna make you feel wanted  
'Cause you'll always be wanted


	12. Chapter 12

_********__The BIG CHAPTER 12! I'm sorry in advance for its length but it didn't want to be split into two chapters and thats the reason for the delay on this update. Lets take a moment to appreciate how far these girls have come since chapter 1! The last Chapter 12 I wrote was our lovely dream for Red Velvet in Blue Lace! _

_**Thank you to everyone thats been with me since Blue Lace and for those of you that havent been...Thank you for giving this story a chance and for taking the time to read and review and tell me all of your favorite parts! Find me on Tumblr iwishidfoughtharderforyou rcampdel Paily*Love*Story **__**on twitter to view cover art made by the talented  Saii79**__****__**. She creates amazing pictures for Red Velvet so check them out!**_

* * *

Time seemed a little lost as she touched something so beautiful and if Paige thought that Ember was the essence of her... then Stella was the embodiment of Paige. So calm and peaceful yet with a fire and wish to do what made the people around her happy. She felt content doing so because it made her happy too and the way she just enjoyed the life surrounding her... was Paige exactly. She could fight and radiate confidence and then go soft as she looked at you and melt completely when you touched her. After long moments of these thoughts it became hard to discern if she was even trying to hide the fact that she was talking about Paige so blatantly. The lines were muddled and she didn't care if they ever cleared themselves because these moments with Paige were so perfect. She was right to put trust in Stella because Paige did and she trusted Paige...easily with her entire life. No questions about it and no doubts in her mind that Paige would always have the purest intentions. The issue was how she would ever feel worthy of her.

The sound of the static made her heart skip and her hands freeze on Stella's side out of reflex. Paige reached slowly for the radio, showing no rush or worry and Stella continued to sleep so her heart began to beat again as she forced a deep breath.

"Books?" Paige asked, releasing the talk button to static again.

"Yeah. Hey, that storm is getting worse. It's supposed to circle around and then shift this way so we have fuel and water coming out now just in case. " Static again after Peter's voice. Every time the static sounded she would look at Stella warily but she still slept soundly and Paige didn't pay any attention to her so she made her hands relax, continuing the soft strokes through her fur.

"Okay I'm heading in. We should probably just leave and get home so let everyone know."

"Yeah but Paige.."

Paige snapped his voice off quickly with her own. "I know Peter, thanks." She said flatly and shut the radio off before he could reply and stood from the grass, reaching for her hand.

"So what's the next stop?" She asked as she took Paige's hand and pulled herself up beside her.

Paige sighed and bent down for the violet rope to pull Stella lazily to her feet. "Lincoln Nebraska." She shrugged. "My hometown away from Rosewood."

She nodded lightly and chose to keep her mouth closed. She didn't need to ask questions because one could easily assume why a place Paige had called home with her family would be hard for her to return to yet even with that knowledge it did nothing to ease her mind. It created a tightening in her chest and an uncontrollable burn behind her eyes because she felt so deeply and understood the pain of losing someone. It made her miss the parents she had that were alive and happy. It was hard looking at Paige in a world where, even with people around her, she was alone in such a big way. How lost might someone feel to have no way to physically touch the people you came from?

Paige seemed okay at the moment, hesitant maybe but she still smiled at her as she led Stella back up the ramp of a train car with a '15' painted on the side. It was colored differently, like the others, in a deep plum and housed a floor to ceiling enclosure deeply strew in soft hay. Paige opened the gate and unhooked the rope from Stella's neck, allowing her to take a well deserved nap in the sun pouring through the window. The two padlocks were closed tightly then Paige walked to a small metal box that sat on the floor and unlocked another combination, pulling a silver gun from under her waistband and placing it inside before locking it again. It was the same weapon she'd noticed the guards holding during the show and Paige didn't look happy even touching it. She stood by quietly and watched as Paige moved to an electrical box on the wall and flipped a few switches, starting a hum through the car along with a light breeze of cooler air. It brushed Paige's hair off of her shoulders and ruffled the bottom of the shirt that was still amazingly white even after playing with Stella and Riley.

"So Riley..." she started, looking at Paige with an impressed smile. Paige smiled too and nodded because she seemed to know where this was going. "You told me about Mary and Peter told me about Peter..."

"Really?" Paige tilted her head curiously and began walking towards the door, slightly rushed by having to leave town earlier than planned though the interest in her voice was genuine. She fell into step easily as they began a walk through cars to the front of the train, passing Ember sleeping and the purple lounge.

"Well, he actually mentioned you more than himself. " she teased, watching as Paige tried to hide a smile. "Something about a little girl with a bossy personality."

"I'm not bossy. " Paige interjected quickly. "I'm passionate. There's a difference." She laughed and nudged Paige's shoulder, nearly knocking her into the wall unintentionally. The halls were narrow. "And then there's you with your slapping and pushing."

"You just wrangled Riley and a tiger so I have some catching up to do." She smiled and as her cheeks flushed she averted her eyes to the ground when she replayed the image of Paige sitting in the grass beside the sleeping tiger. She had stood behind and watched for a few minutes before she found her voice to speak. 'She's beautiful.' Those were her words. Obviously the tiger was lovely but in that actual moment she blushed because she knew her voice was referring to Paige...not Stella. She knew. Paige didn't.

"Stella hardly needs taming and Riley is just cocky."

"Did you find him like Mary?"

Paige shook her head lightly. "No not really. We kind of found each other. He lived in Lincoln and I met him on summer trip there when I was thirteen, he was fifteen."

She nodded weakly, hearing Paige's words. They hurt somehow. It was painful knowing that these people had much deeper roles in her life and had gotten to experience her longer. It didn't seem fair and yet it was completely expected because that's how life works. Mary being apart of her life for five years and Peter for eighteen. Now Riley for ten. These people had years with her and loved her and she had only days and that only made her feelings seem more unfounded. She had days and was already finding out how deeply she cared about her too and how much she had in common with these people around her because of those feelings. She was becoming completely lost to Paige McCullers and it was terrifying and empowering at the same time.

"He actually lit my grandparent's truck on fire." She chuckled. "They made him work around the show doing random things to pay for it and he just never quit."

She couldn't keep herself from smiling at the way Paige spoke fondly of him. She spoke fondly of everyone in her life and they returned that to her. Even if from time to time she pounded them effortlessly into the ground whether with their banter or with her actual fist like poor Riley, it was just how they worked and it was loving and real. The rawest of emotion for the unique little family that she had surrounding her.

"He had a thing for fire so they had a new act and when my parents took over it was nice to have someone around that I knew. Even though we got into a lot of trouble together and pissed my parents off."

"So...you two were close?" She asked, studying her face. The second Paige heard her question she stopped to face her. Her eyes softened and that fond smile was gone. Paige worked her eyes carefully across her face with that curious way of hers and she crinkled her eyebrows, searching for the right words. This was possibly the first time when she felt embarrassed that Paige was so easily able to understand her and what she meant by that question. Intuition wasn't a bad thing but her cheeks burned because Paige was just too good.

"This might sound blunt but you know how girls like to have the gay best friend for gossip and shopping?"

She squinted her eyes at the comparison Paige was making. "Riley doesn't really seem like the type to..."

"He's not." Paige shook her head firmly. "I'm his friend. Instead of gossip and shopping we liked sneaking out with alcohol from the bar and working on that burnt out old truck that's sitting in 16."

Her release of breath was easily heard by Paige as she sighed, though like Peter...Paige didn't react to it. "That's the truck he caught on fire?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "Yes and it's not fixed up because of him. He's sat on his drunk ass and talked about girls which is always a welcome topic." Paige smiled and reached around her waist, brushing against her as she pushed open a door in a carved hallway.

She silently choked on the air in her lungs and forced herself to acknowledge their surrounds as an attempt to ignore the feeling passing through her body at this detail. She knew it already...obviously, but hearing it was something else completely. The challenge that she loved, clinging to Paige's voice, was too much and not nearly enough.

The hallway was carved like the others and she could see the commons car through a small window on the door at the end of the hallway. Paige edged around her into the room she had opened and walked over to a large wooden desk. A world clock on the wall said that it was just before 8pm and the sun was still bright through the window due to the summer hours. She followed Paige towards the desk and stood awkwardly by as she opened a cabinet on the left side and dialed in digits to a safe's combination, pulling out a large black binder and a pen from a drawer.

"Sorry." Paige looked at her apologetically. "This isn't the fun part. You can sit though." she pointed to a chair in the corner as she flipped the binder open and began ripping out sheets and sheets of business checks. Immediately she noticed the difference from the one that Paige had once given her. These where for work only with 'McCullers Circus' on the top left corner. The one Paige had given her was personal. It made her heart flutter to know that Ember was never going to be a business transaction.

She looked at the chair again and decided against it, sitting on the side of the desk like Paige had done back in the stables. Paige's hand froze while writing a check and though she kept her head down she could see the smile tugging on her lips and she expected this reaction.

"What?" She pressed, smiling down at her.

Paige shook her head lightly and looked up.. "Nothing its just..girls dont sit my desk very often."

"To be fair you sat on my desk too." She pointed out. "And wait...not often?"

"I did sit on your desk so I guess that's fair." Paige's agreed. Her smile widened before looking back to the checks and began filling them out again.

She frowned at the way Paige blatantly ignored her question yet still managed to smile proudly as she wrote. It was none of her business anyways and maybe Paige didn't hear her or maybe she was answering the question by _not_ answering it.

"And you would actually be the first girl to sit on my desk." Paige added, still smiling and not missing a beat as she flipped through each check.

That made her smiled too and she felt the blood rush to her cheeks as she leaned back onto her hands and watched Paige work. There wasnt really even a reason to be proud because she hadn't actually done anything but sit down and yet she was loving her seat at the moment. Her eyes stayed carefully away from numbers that were being written because_ that _was none of her business but she watched the way Paige swirled her hand in beautiful script writing. Every few minutes her eyes flickered up to watch the way Paige furrowed her eyebrows in concentration and the way her long waves kept falling over her face no matter how many times she tucked it behind her left ear. The right side she let hang free but it was cute the way she was focusing on keeping the left side under control. A glint of gold around Paige's neck caught her gaze at one point and held it gently on the exposed skin of her neck. The thin gold chain hanging under the fabric held the tiniest clock she had ever seen and only drew her eyes to...

She cleared her throat lightly and looked away as Paige finally dropped the pen and shuffled the checks into a neat stack, resorting to picking at the hem of her shirt instead of watching the way the open buttons of Paige's shirt moved with each breath...like she had been doing for the last ten minutes. Paige moved her hands through drawers but she kept her eyes away and played with a tiny loose thread on the lace, trying her best to pretend that she was in control of her thoughts when in reality the longer she sat on the desk the more out of control they got. She didn't dare move though because what good would that do? She wanted to be here and if she moved Paige would easily assume that she didn't. So she stayed. Paige stood and placed her hands on the desk, leaning in towards her and bringing her attention back instantly while sending her thoughts into another downward spiral from the angle.

"When's your birthday?" Paige asked.

"Um, September 18th."

"94?" Paige furrowed her eyebrows and straightened herself back up.

"Yeah." She nodded.

Paige smiled and shook her head. "Damn, you're older than me."

"Is that a deal breaker? " She teased. Paige seemed slightly disappointed even though she could easily see how half-hearted it was.

"No." She shook her head. "I just can't use my 'I'm older and wiser' psychology on you."

"You use it on everyone else..." she pointed out. "Why not me? Peter is older and Mary..."

"Yeah but I actually am wiser than them." Paige teased proudly. "I was relying on having a little advantage over you."

"No, you easily have the advantage over me and you don't even realize it." She admitted. Her throat tightened when she saw Paige's fade soften at her words. "I..I mean, you run all of this and you know it all but for me it's like joining a new family. You all have your routines so the advantage is definitely yours." She swallowed hard, hoping that Paige would buy into the cover up. It was still the truth and she meant it but it wasn't the biggest advantage Paige had. Not even close.

Paige pulled her eyes away. "You fit in just fine." She smiled, picking up the pen from the desk as began writing on a form. She must have pulled it out while she was looking away because it hadn't been there before and while she didn't intend to be nosy as to what she was writing...her name stood out in the swirled script across the top. Before she could open her mouth to ask Paige flipped it around on the desk and slid it towards her. She knew what it was without having to read it and it warmed her skin with possibility. Excitement coursed through her as she focused on the details on the paper but Paige was suddenly more reserved as she tucked her hands deep into her front pockets. A hand placement that she recognized and didn't like because it showcased her worry. She remembered how quickly Paige had signed the contract for Ember because she wanted him. Paige wanted to care for him when she couldn't do it herself. She didn't hesitate so she wouldn't either. If Paige signing a contract for Ember meant that he belonged to her than...she wanted this contract to mean the same thing. She wanted to belong to Paige and she barely knew her ...yet that lack of knowledge did nothing but sway her closer. She wanted to know every part of her so she reached for the pen and signed and dated the bottom line, sliding it back towards Paige.

"This doesn't hold you to anything." Paige said, her eyes on the paper though she kept her hands away from it like she expected her to take it back and shred it at any moment. "It's just... if you're in the show then you're employed so I have to go through the steps and make sure you have the benefits."

"I know." She nodded quickly and smiled. Her excitement was hard to contain and when Paige relaxed and smiled back she was surprised that she didn't bounce off the top of the desk. She felt like she easily could fall off though Paige didn't seem to notice which meant she was controlling herself successfully.

Paige bent down and shifted through the safe, pulling out a tan envelope and retrieving something from inside before she tossed it back and closed the lock. Paige held the object out to her with a smile tugging at her lips, trying to hide the happiness she was feeling too and all that did was make her smile more as she reached out and took the mystery from her fingers.

"Sign the back." Paige chimed, gesturing to the pen she was still holding in her hand.

She looked down at the small card that now rested in her hand. It was candy cane striped in red and white with 'McCullers Circus' embossed in gold letters across the front. She flipped over the card and stared at the blank line on the back, just waiting for a name to be written on it. Her mouth tried to speak but her head wouldn't form the words so Paige spoke first.

"Its activated already." She stated, grabbing the large stack of checks from the desk and tucking them into her back pocket. Paige chuckled lightly when she looked at her again, probably from the way her jaw dropped. "Contrary to popular belief you actually get paid for running away with the circus. It's a job so you'd think more parents would be happy when their kids take off."

"I haven't even done anything." She protested, dropping the pen to the desk and holding the card out to Paige. "And I don't really see riding Ember as a job. I love it and its my escape but I don't need to be paid to do it."

"You think Mary needs to be paid take her clothes off and live on a train with poor Riley at her fingertips? She definitely doesn't but she loves it. And Riley gets to light things on fire everyday..." Paige pointed out. Her eyes softened as she walked around the desk to face her straight on, with the sunlight from the window gliding warmly over her face and lighting fire to the red in her hair. "We all love what we do, Em. Its something that's yours and you're choosing to make a living out of the thing you enjoy most." She breathed softly and handed the pen out to Emily. "The paycheck is just a perk."

She sighed and took the pen, signing the back and dropping the pen down to the desk as she cradled the card in her hand. Paige chuckled again and she felt her cheeks warm at the sound.

"I thought the paperwork would be the thing you didn't want to sign and instead you have a problem with signing up for a limitless amount of money. "

"What? " she choked, looking back at the card like it had just bitten her hand and should be dropped to the floor .

"That's just an expense card. " Paige stated. "The money is for you to use when you're on business trips except everyday is a business trip for us so it's really like a very large bank account. You'll get your paychecks separately into a personal account too."

"I don't need anything though." She said firmly, shaking her head.

"You might. You could use it if you have food detail but I hope you'll pick better than Mary does. Riley uses his for props and fire related expenses and the girls go overboard with clothes. They spend so much money on things made of the smallest amounts of fabric." Paige smiled when she laughed at that but it softened quickly. "You don't have to use it but it'll be there for you...for whatever you need."

She looked down to see Paige's hand being offered to her so she tucked the card into her back pocket and took it eagerly, slipping off the edge of the desk. Paige led the way back into the hallway and locked the door behind them, never breaking her light hold on her hand. Her thoughts burned over the contract she had signed and the card in her pocket. It was all she could think about to keep from falling to her knees before the girl that was holding her hand. The thought of riding in the show was incredible and the paper made it seem official and she wanted all of it. Paige said it didn't hold her to anything but what she didn't realize...was how much she wanted that hold. She wanted Paige to realize that too.

It was scary how fast she had learned to pick up the double meanings behind Paige's words and flip them the right way in her mind. Maybe she was thinking too much into it all but she liked telling herself that Paige wanted that hold too. The way she distrusted the signed contract like it might disappear and the way she had downplayed the whole process. It was like Paige was trying so hard not to get her hopes up because she expected to wake up at any moment. Those little things could have easily slipped under her radar and became passed off as normal behavior for not caring...but instead they lodged in her mind and screamed at her to really pay attention to everything Paige could be trying to tell her. To pay attention to the little things like Paige wanting her to go on food detail and pick better than Mary did and that she was talking to her like she had been apart of this family forever. Like she belonged perfectly with all of them and even more perfectly with her...already. She tightened her grip on Paige's hand, like she had the day before, and this time Paige squeezed back.

They walked through the crowded common room and she spotted all of the familiar faces lounging around and laughing. Mary was standing by the bar lining up shot glasses and Riley was standing suspiciously a few feet behind her, just watching as he bit his lower lip. She had changed from the corset and now wore a black off the shoulder t-shirt that hung half way down her stomach and it was clear why Riley was standing behind her. Every time she moved for a new shot glass Riley's eye followed her hips and the pair of thin white cotton shorts edged with black lace. Paige shook her head lightly as she noticed it too.

"Why don't you grow a pair, Riley?" She teased, still continuing their push through the busy room.

"Let me borrow yours!" Riley yelled after them as he laughed. "Oh wait...I forgot that's not your thing."

"HA!" Paige stopped and turned around to face him, like Riley had a radio of static and was coaxing Paige to react to it accordingly just like Stella had. But Paige was calm and ready.

Mary acted faster and slammed a shot glass into the bar counter as she whipped around to face Riley too. "Her balls are bigger than yours, buddy."

"Oh God, Mar! We're speaking figuratively!" Paige groaned.

"Yeah, I was too." Mary shrugged and winked at Riley who was laughing at the turn of events.

"Seriously Paige, I don't know how you've been able to refrain." Riley smirked, his eyes flickered from Paige to herself and it was very clear what he was referring to.

Mary's mouth dropped at Paige's sex life being called out and she had to bit her lower lip to keep the shocked smile from showing through. She struggled with it but Paige just smiled proudly and wiggled the fingers of her free hand at him suggestively. He stopped laughing instantly and his eyes widened and that's when Mary released her lip.

"That's my girl!" She beamed and gave Paige an approving nod as she went back to filling shot glasses. "We all have to take matters into our own hands sometimes." Riley turned quickly to Mary and pouted which she paid no attention to.

Paige shifted her fingers and flipped Riley off before turning around and leading her through the car door and into the quiet carved hallway. All of that happened too fast for her to react in the moment but she could definitely feel the flush on her cheeks and the dryness in her throat from the topic they had focused on. It wasn't bad, it just massively increased the flutter in her stomach as her eyes dropped down longingly to Paige's hand that was still holding her tightly. She was happy that Paige didn't try to apologize for their bluntness like she had the night before, like Paige knew she was strong enough to handle it. The calm on Paige's face showed just how strong she was too. She was unphased by every line of banter they tossed between themselves like nothing in the world could touch her.

Paige stopped at the end of the hallway, hesitating by the bedroom door. "I've gotta go find Peter and give him the checks do you wanna come or hang out here...or the commons...I can walk you back?"

"I'm fine here, and I should probably get used to finding my way around."

Paige smiled and nodded before she turned on her heels and walked to the door outside. "Don't go too far. The circus is leaving town soon."

The smile in Paige's voice rang through her ears long after she had disappeared through the doorway and as she pushed inside of her bedroom it seemed to grow louder, surrounded by all of the things that were hers and the soft scent that hung lightly in the air. She slid the small card from her back pocket and walked over to her purse sitting on top of her suitcase, pulling it open and dropping the card inside the inner pocket. Out of curiosity she grabbed her phone and saw that the battery was drained so she dug around for the charger the Hanna had packed and plugged it into the wall beside her bags. Hanna would be back in Philly by now and her parents had probably been contacted which meant there was a whole issue of their reaction, not that she cared at the moment. Well, she did care because surely they'd be happy knowing that she was happy. But if they were upset then what good would come from knowing it? It wouldn't change her decision or sway her in any way and if they were angry it would be easy to blame the lack of contact on the lack of cell service on a moving train. Maybe a few more days wouldn't hurt. No, checking her phone would be a good idea. Better get it over with. She powered up the phone, leaving it attached to the wall as she waited.

Suddenly Paige was there again, ripped to the forethought of her mind where she wanted her and freezing her body completely. There was something familiar about her behavior in that moment that snapped into focus. It was the indecisiveness of her thoughts regarding her family and her inability to make a decision without over analyzing even the smallest things over and over again. It's all she had been doing for the last few days. Second guessing everything she was feeling because she didn't _feel_ like she was capable of feeling them. She didn't trust herself to feel something so strong so fast. It was becoming more and more clear that the issue wasn't understanding Paige's feelings, it was her own. She was finding it so easy to trust all of these new people in her life but she couldn't seem to trust herself. Being sure about everything she was feeling for Paige wasnt the problem at all because Paige was sure. The problem was trusting herself long enough to act on those feelings. That was the hard part. Paige didn't falter like she did, she didn't appear to struggle with such a frequent back and forth in her mind even though the answer stayed the same in front of her eyes and all the while...Paige was constant. Paige stayed with her through the first night and while she hadn't the second night...she kept herself so close and available. Paige had rested her hand on her knee and beckoned her to take it. She was about to sit down on the soft red carpet, wanting to feel what Paige had felt sleeping there, wanting to touch something that she had touched.

"Hey." Peter smiled, leaning against the doorway. "We got a room cleared for you down the hall."

She faltered slightly at being pulled from her thoughts so abruptly but smiled and nodded. "Thanks."

"You don't have to take it if you don't want it." He studied her with a slight worry.

"No...I do want it." She promised. "I don't want to keep Paige out of her room anymore. It's not fair." Peter sighed and shook his head as he stepped inside of the room. His gray eyes were pleading with knowledge he wanted to share but didn't know how to.

"This is really none of my business but I've known Paige since she was five and believe me when I say that nothing can keep her away from where she wants to be. I'm surprised you guys managed to take over the couch last night because I promise if you hadn't I would have more than likely tripped over her in the hallway outside this door like I expected to."

"What do you mean?" she asked curiously. Peter tilted his head and raised his eyebrows but he kept his jaw locked, refusing to answer that question intentionally because he knew better. He just stood there patiently. "God, you guys are too much alike." She shook her head in disbelief as she smiled.

"I'm sorry." He chuckled. "It's a bad habit but you know exactly what I mean."

"It's not a bad habit. It's just gonna take me awhile to get used to it." She laughed and bent down to zip up her suitcases.

Peter smiled and walked over to pick them up, his face slightly embarrassed like a child being called up in front of the classroom to be praised for having the best test score while the other students thought of ways to make your life miserable after the fact. She didn't see Peter as having anything to be embarrassed about especially not when it came to knowing Paige so well. It was a blessing to be able to read people the way he could and she was honestly grateful to have insight from him and reassurance that she wasn't imagining things when it came to Paige.

Peter pushed open a room down from Paige's, right next to the commons with only one door between them. The red carpet continued inside along with the beautiful carved walls. The layout was the same only reversed with the same small enclosed space housing a double bed and a door where the bathroom should be, opposite from the closet and separated by a small window. The only difference she noticed was a slight change in the color pattern. While the deep red was still in the carpet the curtains hanging around the archway to the bed were a soft blue along with the bedding itself.

"I hope this is okay." Peter sighed, placing the suitcases by the closet door before turning to face her.

"Yeah its great." she nodded and dropped her purse to the small vanity counter beside the bathroom door. Her excitement was getting to be a little too much. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Peter rocked on his heels and smiled awkwardly which was odd for him. "Okay well, you get settled in." He added. He always seemed so comfortable, like Paige was, but now he was walking uncomfortably to the door.

"What's on your mind?" She asked, giving him a taste of the knowing smile he always gave her.

He turned around to face her and now looked completely betrayed. "And you think I sound like Paige?"

"You do. " She accused. "But apparently I'm learning quickly, so spill." Peter nodded and took a deep breath. It was good that he did too because he didn't take a single one as his words poured out.

"I don't know you very well and you don't know me but I think your heart is in the right place and I can honestly tell you that Paige's is too. I want you to know that she's amazing, and I think you know that already, but you shouldn't doubt yourself so much because I think you're exactly where you should be and no matter what happens you have a place here." He relaxed the second the last word left his lips. Panic spread through his eyes as he gave her a moment to process and what was surprising... was how quickly and effortlessly her mind was able to absorb what he was saying.

"You're too good at that wisdom thing." She smiled.

Peter exhaled and grinned proudly. "Its all from her."

"Maybe...but you weren't always around her." She pointed out. "Who were you then?"

"Who were you?" He retorted with a smile.

"Really lost...but I don't feel that way anymore. I get to work at doing what I love and get to be involved in something that's bigger than just me. And Paige..." She cut off her words and it was soon that Peter nodded because he so easily understood what she was saying.

"I wasn't much of anybody." He smiled softly but there was a deeper pain hidden there. His eyes were as easy to read as Paige's were, or maybe she was just getting better at paying attention to her own feelings enough that she was able to recognize the feelings of others. God knows she had always ignored how Hanna felt about her self-destructive lifestyle. "Everybody loses something somewhere along the way and the only thing we can do is decide how to carry on, or if we even want to. Paige made me want to."

She felt her eyes sting at the clear sadness in his eyes but there was a hope too. The same hope she felt. "Me too." Her voice came out just a breath.

He smiled and ducked his head as he stepped back towards the door, stopping when he reached it. "Um if you go walking around late at night...don't trip on Paige outside your door." Her cheeks reddened as she smiled and Peter disappeared down the hallway. If he only knew that Paige would likely be the one tripping over her.

She went to work with her suitcases and didn't try to downplay how excited she was to be unpacking with Paige's room just down the hallway. Not only that but Ember was safe and nearby and she had a job that she felt proud of even though she hadn't even started. Not that she didn't feel proud of her last job because _was_ proud of it. She wouldn't have Ember without it because, even though she wasn't supposed to be riding him daily, Brian had always ignored it. He felt fine with not knowing why she showed up three hours early to work some days, focusing on getting the routine stuff done so she had more time with Ember. He's probably pissed. Maybe she should have called...definitely should have called. But then again he hadn't given her much notice to sending Ember away so it was hard to feel too bad.

Her fingers absent-mindedly lifted shirts from the bags and hung them on hangers in the wood carved closet along with a few pairs of jeans she stacked on the top shelf. Smaller items went in a carved drawer she was happy to find on the bottom of the built it wardrobe. She emptied one suitcase quickly and started on the other. Hanna had clearly packed this one because everything was a wreck of random things. Some clothes that weren't folded and her brush and an array of body products. The thin purple satin that she tossed quickly into the back of the small drawer without a second glance. She shivered lightly from the air circulating through the room and pulled a white zip up sweater that Hanna had packed from a hanger, sliding it over her arms and the thin lace tank top. It was one of her favorites because of how the soft thin cotton clung tightly to her arms and warmed quickly against her skin.

A picture frame rested on the bottom of the bag and she had to laugh at Hanna's bad packing skills. Only she would toss a glass frame on the bottom of the bag. She picked it up and smiled at the girls that had been her family for a huge part of her life. All of the girls she loved sitting happily around a table together. All she could think about now was sitting around the table with Paige and Peter, even Mary and Riley. Her eyes stated at the smile she had on her face in the picture. How happy she looked. The funny thing was that she couldn't remember a single detail of that day or why she was so happy. There was nothing in particular that made it special, not like the happiness she felt now. There were endless possibilities within her reach now and she didn't plan in letting any of them slip away.

One minute she was looking at the picture and then the next Paige was there in her mind, crystal clear before her eyes.

* * *

An hour later the sky had darkened considerably around the horizon in three directions, leaving the rest of the sky above in an unearthly looking blue streaked with orange and pinks from the sun dropping below the top of the mountain. The only clear direction was west which was luckily their route. She glanced back at the empty field, sadness cutting through her for the small deli where they sat and laughed. Sadness for the memory of the bridge in Emily's eyes, and the meadow where she learned to open herself up more than she ever had. The only thing that made it easy to turn away from the town was the light coming from the window down the hall from her room.

She smiled and pulled open the hatch door, taking the high step up with ease into her hallway. The open door of the bright room cast gold down the length of the hallway and mixed with the sunset pouring through the windows. It was easy to make out each strand of light as specks of dust floated through the air. She stopped beside her own door, hesitating because she wanted to go to Emily but she also wanted to change out of her work clothes. That was a harder choice than she expected it to be but she eventually pushed inside of her room and closed the door. In record time she had stripped her body of her clothing and slipped out of the lace that covered her legs, dropping them in the small hamper. She shivered at the cool air being pumped through the vents and pulled on a pair of clean grey jeans and a deep red t-shirt before putting her boots back on. The mirror showed her that her hair was fine but she grabbed a cluster of colored hair ties and put them on her wrist. She had a bad habit of putting her hair up only to rip it down soon after. Looking around her room quickly it was sad to see Emily's stuff gone but it just pushed her to move faster in her direction.

Stopping outside the open doorway she peeked inside, spotting Emily sitting on the red carpet beside an empty suitcase. She had changed too and was now wearing a white sweater over the blue lace tank top. It was a bittersweet moment because the sweater hugged her just as tightly as the lace had and the obvious comfort of it only made her want to take it off of Emily's body. With how often women around here wore next to nothing she learned to appreciate things that were more simple. It was already known knowledge of what Emily could do to simple things just by touching them, or wearing them. More importantly this was also a moment of relief because the more layers...the better, for several reasons.

She tapped lightly on the door frame and smiled when Emily turned around with the happiest eyes. "Hey, sorry that took awhile."

Emily shook her head lightly. "No, I just finished unpacking." Her smile widened and it was easy to see that Emily different. It was in the way she bounced slightly while sitting on the desk in the office and it was now as she closed the empty suitcase and stood up from the floor. There was a tremble of energy under her skin that was palpable in the air. She'd never seen Emily so happy. The last time she had seen her this close was when they had snuck Ember out of the stables in the middle of the night because she was excited to ride him.

"Look." Emily smiled, holding out a picture frame in her hand. "I think Hanna packed this. Its been on my dresser since high school."

She took the picture from her and looked at it. Smiling instantly when she saw the same Emily she remembered. The bright smile on her face as she sat with her friends in the lunch room. Spencer was frowning at Hanna's silly puckered lips and the smaller girl was staring down at a book. Then there was Emily. The most beautiful and peaceful smile was spread across her lips reaching her deep eyes. Perfection in such and unorganized photo.

"That's exactly the Emily I wanted to know." She smiled and looked up to meet her eyes and that same peaceful expression that was in the photo.

"No, Look..." Emily pressed, pointing at the picture again.

She furrowed her eyebrows and looked back at the image. The four girls at their table and other crowded tables in the background. Students eating lunch and others caught in the crossfire as they walked by. Emily bounced impatiently beside her so she tried her best note every detail when it hit her suddenly. She clearly remembered the table where the girls sat but the difference was the angle. She had never been able to see Emily's smile because Emily always sat with her back to her. The same chair everyday. Her eyes shot quickly to a table behind Emily's back and there it was. There she was, right behind Emily's shoulder, sitting with a group of girls from the field hockey team. Her hair was bunched in a messy pony-tail and she was smiling softly to herself.

"Wow..." She breathed, shaking her head in disbelief. They both looked so young and honestly happy in that moment but the perfect part of the photo was the way their placement made it look like she was whispering sweetly in Emily's ear. Part of it hurt because in reality, inside her head, she probably had been. Even though it was impossible then, the smile on Emily's face was too perfect because it looked like she was hearing her. "This is..." She probably sounded like an idiot but really it was just that no word could describe how it made her feel to see Emily in person giving her the same smile she had loved seven years ago.

"I know!" Emily beamed, reaching for the picture back so she could look at it again. "We were sitting so close and didn't even know it and now we're here."

She looked down at the picture in Emily's hand and smiled because of how happy it made her and how right she was. She never would have imagined standing next to Emily like this seven years ago. It never felt possible. It felt like a dream, but even back then she had loved her. How that was possible was unclear but she knew and now it became more and more clear that those feelings had never left her.

Emily still smiled as she placed the picture frame on the nightstand by the bed covered in blue. She swallowed hard as she watched her standing there. It shouldn't affect her so much but seeing Emily standing beside her bed now was different from watching her sleeping in her own bed the first night. While that jumbled her nerves it made her feel calm and happy because she knew Emily was safe there, peacefully resting. Watching her now had a different affect on her nerves. Something soft yet flaming that made her want to look away and give her privacy while also wanting to hold her and...

Static sounded from her back pocket and made her sigh as she reached for it. "We'll be right there." She said knowingly.

The sound dropped from the radio and Emily turned questioningly towards her as she tucked the radio in her back pocket. The smile still there but she arched her eyebrows slightly like she wanted details.

"Tradition calls." She smiled and gestured to the hallway but Emily still looked a little confused so she clarified. "Everyones in the common room waiting. It's just a thing they do every time we leave a town. I missed it last time but I don't think they'll let me miss this one without a massive fight and burning at the stake."

Wow, cryptic was actually starting to sound entertaining leaving her mouth. Emily's face was now just a hundred times more confused and she couldn't help but smile and reach for her hand. While she had her own reservations about what was about to happen she also knew that the choice was Emily's. It wasn't a big deal and She could make her own decision and everyone would respect it either way but the point was that Emily was offered to be included. It was up to Emily to say no or yes and whatever she chose wouldn't change anything it was merely that she was part of the family now. And here she was lying to herself again. If Emily said no she'd be okay with that and she could live to see another day. If Emily said yes...probably not. She sighed.

Apparently cryptic is getting a little too comfortable *inside* of her head too.

Emily took her hand and followed her into the golden hallway and towards the common room. Voices filtered out through the door though it was mostly Mary arguing with Riley, and that was normal, but what made her falter before the door was what side of the argument Mary was taking. Mary held confidence in what Emily's choice would be while Riley was the doubter. She was the queen of placing bets especially with Riley and while most of those bets weren't appropriate outside of the bedroom... she rarely lost. She never lost actually. Hence the scar on Riley's arm and the often mussed state of his hair and the unkempt look to the hem of his shirt or his belt. Choosing to take Mary's side on this particular bet would be dangerous, not for Emily but for herself ,so she decided then and there to stand in Riley's corner. It wasn't because of him doubting Emily it was because the alternative, siding with Mary, might very well knock her to her knees forever. Mary didn't fuck around with how she placed her bets.

Everyone noticed their entrance but only the small few in their group stopped talking and watched. Sadie and Faye and some of the smaller fill in performers continued their drinks and loud chatting among themselves. Mary unfortunately turned and stuck out her hip as she smiled proudly at Emily like she was a prize while Peter looked the most hesitant in the room. She decided then and there to switch teams, so to speak. Instead of the smug team Riley who was stupid enough to underestimate Mary... she would join the worried and 'fuck my life repeatedly' Team Peter. Now it was just a matter of keeping herself together until Emily chose her own. It was like walking into an imminent massacre.

"McCullers, first order of business." Mary pushed a shot glass across the bar in her direction as she leaned on the counter and smirked. "Another town without incident, Paigey."

She eyed Mary skeptically and with good reason because she could see that she was biting her tongue impatiently. Mary wanted to jump right to the second and main order of business and that was the part she herself wanted to stay away from. Peter was leaning against the nearby table and pretending to be completely detached from the conversation but he looked at her sympathetically which cemented her switch to Team Peter. Paiter. Riley was standing suggestively behind Mary with his hands wrapped around her waist which made him an enemy who was completely pussy-whipped and set to destroy every once of resolve and self-control she had left. Traitor.

She couldn't bring herself to look at Emily standing oblivious and quiet by her side but she focused everything she had on the softness of her hand and the lightness in which she rested between her fingers. Her stomach flipped but she reached her other hand for the glass and slammed it back followed by one that wasn't hers. The burn in her throat hit her stomach instantly and made it churn. She hadn't eaten much today and that was catching up with her. She grabbed a sandwich from a platter on the bar and offered one to Emily who accepted it graciously.

"Are you already accepting defeat Paige? " Mary smiled knowingly and poured more shots.

"Never." She shook her head and bit into the ham and cheese sandwich to keep herself from throwing out vicious profanities. Several lovely words came to mind and none of which she wanted to say with Emily standing beside her. The alcohol set in immediately on an empty stomach as she finally turned herself to look at Emily. She seemed content and happy as she ate but also a little unsure of why there was so much tension in the group at the moment. Mary slid glasses around to everyone and looked up to meet Emily's eyes. She wasn't pressuring at all, she was simply offering. Mary's motives were genuine and she wanted Emily to succeed but that also meant that Team Paiter had a very good chance of failure. That was only backed up more when Emily smiled and took the shot without even thinking about it. Peter smiled and shook his head in defeat and enough was enough. First Riley succumbed to Mary and the bribe of her body but now Peter looked like he was throwing in the towel.

"Don't!" She begged, pointing a finger at him and calling him out. "Don't cave Peter, I was gonna have t-shirts made for us."

He just shrugged and laughed. "There's always hope Paige."

She turned back to Mary with pleading eyes. "I'm the boss so i can say no to this."

"You could." Mary agreed. "But then you'd be taking away her voice and I think I know you better than to do that."

"What about my voice? " Emily asked, looking curiously between them and the spectacle that was forming.

Mary blatantly ignored the question and looked only at her. "Come on Paige it's not about you. There's no special treatment and she can say no. Besides this is a game you and Cassie created...not me."

"Fine!" She rolled her eyes and reached for a handful of party mix in a bowl as she stepped back in defeat, throwing her hands up and focusing on carefully chewing each piece to keep from choking from the tightening in her throat. Those profanities were fighting their way up.

Mary turned instantly back to Emily and smiled. She watched Emily too because her expression was more annoyed than worried. Probably from their rude way of referring to her while she was standing beside them, perfectly capable of speaking for herself.

"Okay so first of all, welcome to the crazy circus." Mary smiled sweetly at her and she felt her own body relax because it was the same way Mary smiled at her at the root of their banter. The same way she smiled at Riley. A protective smile that made Emily her family and said she would do anything she could to be there for her. Mary was rooting for Emily not setting her up because Mary placed her bets carefully and stood behind them to the end even when she had absolutely nothing to go on. Mary was never wrong because even when she was wrong she somehow found a magical way to be right. She liked Emily very easily and suddenly that made her feel very suspicious.

"Marley?" She interrupted, calling her attention away from Emily due to the nagging in her stomach. It might have been the alcohol but it didn't matter at the moment because something about Mary's loyalty to Emily seemed a little off and she knew that using her real name would work the fastest at getting her attention.

"Seriously Paige!" Mary slammed a glass on the bar counter, making Riley jump. She was used to Mary's temper with glass objects and Riley had good reason the release her waist and take a step back. Mary looked at her like she was the interrupting child in the room which to be fair at the moment...she was. "Its gonna be fine, Paige. It's just a fucking game. If Emily and Ember are gonna be a part of the show then whats the problem with..."

And there it was. She jumped fast and pointed a finger at Mary accusingly. "You like her horse!"

"I like _her_ and it was a faster process _because_ she has a horse." Mary clarified crossing her arms over her chest with attitude. "My parents never bought me a horse or a pony so its kind of a dream."

"We have ponies." She pointed out. "And you never go near them."

"Because they bite, Paige! You have money so buy me a horse!" Mary demanded.

"You have your own expense card so buy your own damn horse!" She crossed her arms over her chest now too and stood her ground.

"I can use the card for that?!" Mary's hopes shot up.

"No fucking way!" She shook her head and smiled surely.

"Riley bought a flat screen."

"A flat screen that is in his room. Are you gonna keep a horse in your room?"

"Can I?"

"No!"

Mary glared and turned her attention back to Emily. Suddenly calling her out may have been a bad idea because she was even more determined to win than she was before. Couple that determination with the fact that she never lost anyways...and calling her out had been futile.

"Emily, can I play with your horse?"

"Yes." Emily chuckled and looked over at her which made her shoulders sink. How could she be annoyed with the conversation when Emily was clearly enjoying herself. Perhaps even a little too much.

"Then I love you." Mary beamed and slammed a shot before looking back at her. "Let me work Paige. It was your game and we've all played"

"I was seventeen when I came up with that and its stupid." She protested. "You weren't even here yet and we played behind closed doors."

"Because your parents would have killed you if they knew. Emily isn't seventeen and she doesn't have to play!"

"Holy shit!" Emily snapped "What game?!"

Those words leaving Emily's mouth made her jump in surprise. It caught her off guard but was amazing too because Emily had a very strong voice. Peter laughed and shook his head but he quieted when both her and Mary glared at him. Emily was a little too amused and a little too impatient and now she did the only thing left that she could do. She turned to her directly because if she was gonna hear it...it should come from the creator and also the person trying to spare her from it.

"It's a game we played with new performers." Emily nodded lightly as she listened. "It a play off of strip poker only its more fair because not everyone is a good gambler and this leaves more to chance. You don't have to play though, it's just that new people think that they have to prove themselves so they play. But you don't." Her eyes were soft with Emily because she didn't want her to feel pressured over something so stupid and childish.

"But seeing as its making Paige so uncomfortable you definitely should play." Mary added with a smile.

"We haven't played in five years!" She groaned and glanced over at Peter for back up but he was absolutely useless because he hadn't ever been a part of it. He'd only heard the talk and probably Mary planning all of this.

"Yeah, you played with me." Mary smiled. "And who won that game? I've had practice since then so don't pretend you're not guilty of corruption."

"That's classic, Mary. " She shook her head and looked to the floor, shifting her weight between both feet in a rocking motion that went hand in hand her anxiety. The last thing they needed to do was make Emily feel uncomfortable around people she wasn't even familiar with. It was completely counter productive.

Emily nodded as it sank in. "Does everyone play or just me?" She asked. It was surprising to hear how unbothered her voice was and the genuine interest was worrisome for Team Paiter. Well, Peter bailed on her so she stood solo against the dark side now. There was no sidekick to her superhero so she kept her eyes down.

"You and Me." Mary stated.

"Okay." Emily nodded weakly.

She coughed on air and looked up at Emily with wide eyes. "Okay?"

"Epic!" Mary turned and shoved Riley playfully, a little too hard because he was caught off guard and he stumbled back, knocking over a stool.

Emily just smiled lightly and shrugged. "If its your game then I wanna play. Mary's right, I'm not a teenager and I know I don't have to play. I want to."

Emily had changed considerably in the last few days. She surprised her every second with her ability to thrive in a new world with complete strangers. She didn't back down...she jumped through fire. She jumped at the chance to officially be a part of the show and she was so excited about everything around her. Emily's resilience put everyone around her to shame. Everyone. Even if she was hesitant or scared she still stepped forward into a future she wanted with such a strong determination to be okay again. Emily was more than okay...she was home. The downside at the moment was that things were about to get difficult to watch.

The engines roared to life and vibrated through the floors and the lights flickered on. They still weren't necessary but it helped with the quickly dimming gold pouring through the windows. She stayed quiet now by Emily's side and they stood so close that she was sure Emily could feel the nerves jumping under her skin. Emily stood strong though naturally there was a hesitation in her eyes that punched her in the stomach. Again...it may have been the alcohol.

"Em seriously, if I pull the boss card..."

"Don't mix your business with my business, Paige." Emily smiled "Mary is business and I can handle a little hazing. My best friend is Hanna remember?"

"Wait...if 'Strip Maiden' is business then whats pleasure?"

Emily's smile widened and train lurched forward making her sway uneasily. She reached her hand out automatically and grabbed her waist to steady her but before she could meet her eyes Mary appeared at their side with a smile and forced their attention away from each other. Her hands froze in place on Emily's hip.

"Um...strip maiden?" Emily furrowed her eyebrows and looked at her to explain.

She dropped her hand from Emily's waist and smiled. "My parents wouldn't let me play poker so we stole decks of cards and turned it into our own game."

"Have you ever played go fish as a kid?" Mary asked. "Or old maid?"

"Yeah." Emily smiled. "So its old maid meets strip poker?"

"Exactly." Mary nodded "You don't have to know much to play. Matches don't count for anything because nobody wears enough articles of clothing for an entire deck of cards. There's only one queen in the deck and that's the maiden. Every time you draw her from my hand, vice versa, or if you draw her from the deck its a piece of clothing lost. It's fast because it's just the two players instead of a whole table."

"What if she's in the hand I'm dealt? " Emily asked.

"Then you lose something and the fun starts. " Mary smiled mischievously and looked proudly at her now. "Take a deep breath, Paige. This is good for you."

"Yes, killing me is so sweet of you." She retorted. "Em, you don't have to play."

Emily turned to her directly and smiled. All hesitation was gone now and she looked completely fearless standing before her. "You've played it before? " she asked.

"Yeah I created it but..."

Emily cut her off by stepping closer to Mary. "Then I'm playing."

"I like her!" Mary smirked and led her over to an empty table.

"_I_ like her! _You_ just like her horse!"

She frowned and watched as they sat across from each other but she saw Emily's eyes flicker back over to her and that pulled the frown away from her lips. Something warm and soft in the way she looked at her so fondly. Emily waited patiently as Mary shuffled the cards and dealt them out to her. Thankfully Peter appeared by her side and pulled out a bar stool, gesturing for her to sit before she fell to the ground from what was about to happen. The movement of the train already threatened that on its own.

"This isn't necessary." She shook her head and slipped onto the chair. Peter sat beside her and looked at her softly.

"Paige you can't protect her from everything. Marys just testing her. Well, I think she's actually testing you but... Emily will be fine."

"I know." She sighed and picked at the snack bowl, watching across the small space as they picked the original matches from their hands and dropped them down to the table. She had to admit that if this was going to happen, and it clearly was, it was at least good that Emily had the advantage. Mary wasn't wearing much.

She swallowed hard and looked around the room. Almost everyone had cleared out, turning in early from the long day of shows. Sadie and Faye sat on one of the couches in the far corner and whispered between themselves. Every now and then they would glance at Emily and then continue their conversation. She moaned lightly and looked back at Emily as Mary studied her hand and positioned her cards how she wanted them. Emily was doing the same thing without faltering.

"Karma is a bitch, Peter." She sighed

"Or a blessing."

She held her breath as Emily went first. Unfortunately the unzipping of her boots meant the queen was in her hand.

"Nope...bitch." she shook her head firmly and eyed the shot glasses lining the bar. They were tempting if she was going to get through this but also not the right answer.

She kind of got Emily into this so she owed it to her to stay coherent as moral support. Instead she focused on watching Emily's face for any sign of her changing her mind. She looked slightly nervous but she was also looking to Mary, watching her intently like she was channeling her for something in particular. Emily sat flawlessly with someone many people couldn't even attempt to touch. That's the thing with Mary and her bets. Marys the kind of girl who quiets a room, for obvious reasons, but also because of her natural presence and confidence. People said no to her games and bets all the time because her ability to always pick the right side sometimes even before the sides themselves were established. She picked Emily and now Emily was looking to her for support.

Emily smiled as the queen left her hand and Mary was forced lose something. Of course...while Mary wasn't wearing much clothing she forgot to take into account that jewelry could be removed too. She dropped a small cluster of bracelets onto the table. This is bad.

"Hey, I don't want certain pieces of your jewelry on my table." She called.

"Shame, I planned on removing that one next." Mary smirked, shaking her head lightly. It was a weak attempt to call Mary out, she had to admit, but as Emily's sweater unzipped and hit the floor...she didn't feel very strong at all.

"Mary's not gonna ruin her." Peter smiled

"Oh I know. " She nodded in agreement, swallowing back the dryness in her throat. "She trying to ruin me."

After a few more turns Mary sat in her shorts and black polka dot bra and Emily was smiling and pulling lace over her head. Her hair fell in curtains over her shoulders as the pale blue fell to the floor, leaving her in a thin amount of fabric covering her chest. Emily shivered lightly as the air touched her body and the lights cast a glow across the surface of her bare stomach. Breaths left her lungs softly and added to the slight quiver under her skin.

This was just a guess of course. She couldn't tell you what color Emily's bra was because the second Emily reached for the hem of her shirt...she was heading out the door. That's where she was now, throwing open her bedroom door and forcing deep breaths. She hadn't actually seen any of what she had just described. Her mind was imagining it. Her mind was filling in the blanks on its own because in reality she didn't see anything past Emily reaching down, ready to pull the lace off. She hadn't seen a thing because she had jumped down from the bar stool, quickly and quietly excusing herself from the room before she could see. She felt bad leaving Emily in there without moral support but she wasn't strong enough to offer it. She was weak. She wanted to save herself from seeing Emily losing articles of clothing and yet here her mind was, placing images before her eyes that were probably as clear as the actual thing. That was ten minutes ago. She shivered and walked to the closet, pulling a dark blue thermal from a hanger and replacing the red T-shirt. With the train moving now cooler air was being circulated much faster.

"Hey."

She jumped and pulled her shirt down over her chest and stomach and turned towards the door, her eyes falling on Emily clad in once again in lace and her white sweater.

"Hey." She breathed. "Are you guys done already?"

Emily smiled and nodded as she leaned into the door frame. "Yeah I guess so.. Mary dropped all of her cards on accident and forfeited and said that we'd have to start a new game sometime because then she bailed with Riley."

She exhaled softly and nodded, trying her best to keep her voice a passive as possible. "How far did you guys get?"

"Not very far." Emily shook her head and grabbed at the hem of the lace. "I had to lose this. Mary lost her shorts and then she dropped her cards so.. "

She looked at Emily's hand on the lace as she lifted it slightly off of her hip. Her eyes locked onto the patch of skin that was being exposed but also on something else. A flash of white from the tank top Emily had slept in the night before. Emily had only lost one of her tank tops. Only Mary would wear a lace shirt without anything underneath. Emily was nothing like Mary. Her heart started beating again as her body relaxed and she now felt like an idiot for leaving the room, though to be fair she couldn't have known how the game would go and the risk was too high. Something was a little odd about what Emily had said so she forced herself to focus. Mary was too practiced to ever drop her cards. It had never happened before.

"Mary's clumsy sometimes." She smiled and walked over to purple bag laying by the door and lifted it up.

Emily's eyes followed her quietly as she walked back over to the closet and pulled open the bottom drawer, grabbing a few things from inside and tossing them in the bag before joining her in the tight doorway. Emily leaned into the wood heavily and watched her with curious eyes.

"Can I show you something?" She asked, her breath light as Emily's eyes softened on her own.

"Yeah."

She tucked her free hand in her back pocket and dangled the bag in the other as they stepped into the hallway. Emily closed the door behind her and looked to her for direction. Peeking through the window she could see that the sky was purple and clear. She led Emily to the door between their rooms, the only other door in the hallway that separated them. This door was one of the only ones she kept locked because it was too dangerous to keep unlocked when there were people drinking on the train. Two shots had done nothing to her body except to make her feel more alert to the heat of Emily's body behind her and as far as she knew Emily had only had the one shot so this activity seemed safe enough. Mary and Riley on the other hand were not privy to this.

She unlocked the door and nudged it open, flipping a switch on the wall to a utility room of sorts. The normal furnace and water heater sat in the corner along with a few metal shelves bolted into the walls. This was also the location of the extra bathroom she had showered in the night before. It wasn't really a bathroom, more like a closet in the corner with a stall shower and other necessary plumbing. She tossed her keys onto a metal shelf and smiled at Emily. Nothing special was in this room and Emily seemed to agree because she looked around with a confusion in her eyes. She stepped back into Emily slightly, guarding her as the pulled a rope hanging from the ceiling and opened a hatch hiding a ladder from above. The ladder slid down partly on its own so she grabbed it and pulled it the rest of the way, keeping her eyes away from Emily as she began to climb right away. Emily stood below her on the ground as she reached the top and twisted a latch, pushing the metal square door open. Warm wind rushed down around her body, blowing hair across her face. A few more steps up and she pulled herself out onto the top of the train car, staying on her knees as she turned to look down at Emily with a smile.

"You trust me right?" She called down

Emily smiled and started up the ladder. When she reached the top she held out her hand to pull her up, making sure Emily stayed low and was sitting down safely before she closed the hatch behind her. It was heavy but with the speed of the train she wanted to avoid the wind catching it and ripping it off. The metal roof of the car was still warm from the sun and the air was heavy from the heat of the engine just ahead.

"Do you come up here a lot?" Emily asked, looking around uneasily as she settled herself down beside her. The wind kicked up her hair from around her shoulders and whipped it around her face.

"Sometimes." She nodded and pulled a hair tie from her wrist, offering it to Emily as she struggled with keeping her hair tucked behind her ears. She took it gratefully and wrapped her hair into a messy pony tail. "Just please stay low because I won't be able to forgive myself if you fell from a moving train." She twisted her own hair up, leaving small tendrils hanging down in her half-assed attempt because she still held on tight to the paper bag.

"Yeah Hanna might kill you. " Emily teased. She looked around and relaxed as her eyes fell on the shapes of the black mountains reaching the violet sky. Tiny stars speckled half of the night and with just the slightest hint of pink glowing from behind the hills. Like a spotlight lighting them up from behind and showcasing their height.

"Hanna wouldn't have to kill me." She smiled softly and looked down at her hands in her lap, picking at the twine of the bag's handle. If anything ever happened to Emily she wouldn't survive it herself which made her hypersensitive to every moved she made at the moment.

The roof of the car was sheet metal in a rust red. It wasn't actually rusty it was simply the color. Falling wasn't actually easy unless you were trying to fall and it was common sense not to risk standing up on a moving train. This wasn't an action movie with stunt doubles and green screens and Emily was far too precious. The four sides of the roof where edged with a foot-high solid steel border that acted as a railing from the drop below. It was intended for cargo to be strapped down and made it so things couldn't just slide off the side while in motion. She used to come up here all the time just to lay down and rest her head against the low barrier, watching the different landscapes passing by like a life on fast-forward, speeding by while she simply watched and smiled. It always made her life feel so much calmer knowing that something was moving faster than she was. In a lot of aspects she had moved too fast and jumped too soon into things she shouldn't have... but that was life. Life was learning and growing and making mistakes that would shape you into the better version of yourself. This was always a place just for her and no one else. When she felt like her life was speeding by she would come up here and enjoy the speed of the train instead. It seemed to slow everything down and clear all confusion from her mind.

"I wouldn't let her kill you." Emily smiled and leaned back onto her hands and even that small shift of her body made her tense completely. Her eyes threatened the train to stay steady and the wind to calm itself as Emily moved.

"Well, seeing as hypothetically you just fell off a train you wouldn't really be able to stop her." She pointed out, relaxing beside Emily and leaning back on her own hands. The comfort and peace in Emily's eyes made it impossible for her not to relax.

"Then let's try not to fall." Emily smiled and turned her head up to look at the purple sky. Flashes of light shot through the clouds in the distance as the storm touched down on the small deli in the quiet town and the meadow where Emily had wrapped her arms around her neck. Seconds later a deep rumble echoed down through the tress crowding the sides of the tracks and the smell of rain whipped around her face.

"Deal." She nodded in agreement and opened the purple paper bag. "I'm sorry about the game with Mary. You didn't have to.."

"I can handle Mary. She tough but she's so much like Hanna." Emily reached and helped hold the bag open as the wind blew against it. "But I am curious about how and why you decided to create that game. You and...?"

"Cassie." She stated, pulling out the box that with the gold writing. "My parents wouldn't let me play poker and especially not strip poker, for obvious parental reasons. We kept it in our rooms so we wouldn't get caught."

"Was she a girlfriend?" Emily asked, picking a brownie out of the box. Her eyes watched her for an answer and all she could see in Emily was a genuine interest to know. People had come and gone so much in her life and somehow Emily had always been there in small ways. Like the way you try to compare things you have to the image of something you wanted so badly. No matter how much you try you can't stop wondering how different it would be and how much better it might have been if you had just made different choices. And then when the person have breaks your heart you tell yourself its a good thing that you're alone because at least you can be happy believing that the one girl you really wanted was spared from whatever it was the drove people away. Even if you knew that it wasn't your fault you still found comfort in knowing that the right girl was safe from you. If the worst person can't be happy with you how could the best be happy with you? How could Emily?

"Yeah she was." She nodded, pulling at a piece of chocolate stuck to the box. "Cassie worked burlesque and Mary moved up and took over the lead when she left."

"Did she quit?" Emily asked. It was an obvious question to ask next but Emily just didn't realize the irony that she felt by hearing it. The truth was that this wasn't painful to talk about. She didn't have it in her to blame anyone else for where she was in life because she was happy now. That's all that mattered. Everything was there for a reason pushing her to where she needed to be.

"She wanted different things. She wanted to travel outside of this and meet new people. This life doesn't work for everyone and like I said before what's right for you at one point might not always be the same thing."

"I wouldn't have quit. This works just fine for me." Emily smiled lightly and licked caramel from her finger. "Did you play the game with her?" When she nodded Emily's averted her eyes and picked at a brownie. "Who won?"

"She did...alot." She couldn't help but smile as Emily dug for info and honestly Emily didn't seem to mind asking. The change of pace and her new found confidence was refreshing. "I would have won more but as you noticed I seem to have a problem with caving in."

"You're parents really didn't know?"

"They knew we snuck out a lot at stops but they would just lock everyone out all night. They didn't know the half of it." She shook her head vehemently.

"The game half?" Emily pressed.

She shook her head firmly at the question. "I kinda like this thing we have going that involves you talking to me so I don't think giving you details would be beneficial to me.

"Maybe it'll be beneficial to me." Emily grinned. "Are you actually saying 'No'?"

She laughed lightly at being called out. Emily had definitely become more comfortable and if she was amazed by this girl before it was so much deeper now. "You have more insight then you need already."

"Like what?" Emily smiled, tilting her head to the side as she pressed for answers. It was the smile that had placed itself in her mind incessantly over the years and it was the one pointing her to where she needed to be. It was overwhelmingly honest.

"Just you knowing about that stupid game is leverage enough." She retorted.

Emily nodded as she agreed. "Then you have insight on me too because that was harder than it looked. Mary has a good poker face."

"It wasn't poker though. And you were doing just fine if you got Mary out of her shorts. Tops are one thing but shorts?" She looked at her skeptically. Emily had to know how affected she was just by being near her. "I think you easily would have won that game. "

"If she learned from you then no way." Emily smiled. "You'd beat me."

"Somehow I doubt it."

"I don't.. " Emily said surely, pointing a finger at her lightly. "I have a hard time with that.."

She crinkled her eyebrows and looked down at the deep blue fabric covering her chest and arms. It was snug but it was completely decent especially when compared to Mary. It wasn't even her v-neck or off the shoulder style. "What?"

Emily sighed and reached over, flipping the hem of her shirt just slightly to expose her hip and then she smiled proudly like she had proven her point. "That!"

"You have a hard time with this but not with what Mary wears?" She shook her head in disbelief. "You do realize that I had to leave the room during that game right?"

"Mary is definitely a little distracting." Emily agreed but it was half-hearted. She was assuming the opposite of what she was referring to. She wasn't referring to Mary and that's what Emily was thinking.

"Uh no." She corrected. "Mary pretty much lost me the second she opened her mouth to speak. She's distracting in an aggravating way which goes both ways for us most of the time. You on the other hand..." She cut her words off and closed the brownie box, tucking it back in the bag. It should be obvious enough without having to explain. Why wasn't it obvious?

"What about me?" Emily asked, her eyes were needing. There was nothing inside of her that wanted to deny Emily anything and there was nothing inside of her that could keep herself away from her. All she needed was a way to show Emily that she was wanted. Desperately.

"Distracting in a different way." She breathed. "The first thing you said to me was so much better than Mary's first words."

"You remember the first thing Mary said to you?" Emily scooted up off of her hands and shifted into a cross-legged position, facing her more directly.

"It's hard to forget a stranger telling you to fuck off." She laughed. "And then she turned around and screamed at me and then she begged me to hold her hair while she threw up behind a trashcan."

"You held my hair." Emily pointed out. Her cheeks looked warm in the dim light with the moon just bright enough to see the slight pink as she glanced subconsciously at her hands in her lap.

"Yeah but your first words didn't involve cussing or screaming or begging so I already liked you. Though you still would have been easily forgiven for all of those things. Mary's an acquired taste. She's pushy. "

"You've already mentioned your distaste for my pushing and slapping." Emily pointed out again. This time her smile was proud.

"Again...you're forgiven for now and all future physical attacks." She chuckled and reached into the bag, pulling out two small packages of candy.

"I don't know you're pretty good at pushing Mary back. She seemed to have a personal grudge against that game." Emily smiled and took the pack of candy, letting it rest in her hands as her eyebrows furrowed slightly.

"She should have a grudge...I destroyed her." She smiled lightly and ripped open her own bag of candy. "I only played once with her and it was only my ego-driven-way of putting her in her place for the 'fuck off'."

"Oh my God." Emily laughed, looking down at the candy she was dumping into her hand. "Do you give Stella skittles?"

"No..." She shook her head vehemently. "She steals my skittles...with that Jedi mind crap that makes things hover in the air towards her mouth."

"The force?" Emily laughed

"Its strong with her." She added

Emily shook her head as she slipped a few into her mouth. "Apparently the orange ones are the dark side."

"For her maybe." She smiled and reached for an orange candy resting in Emily's hand, snagging it up. "I love them."

Emily laughed and picked around at the colors in her hand, separately them into little groups. The train whistled loudly and made her jump and look around.

"Ummm..." She ignored Emily's questioning eyes and looked around quickly, reaching automatically for her radio in her back pocket and sighing when she came up empty. Her mind went straight the pants she had tossed in the hamper. The mountains were tighter and if she remembered correctly...

"Paige..." Emily called. "Don't trains whistle for intersections? Is there a town near here?"

"And bridges and tunnels. " She added, straightening herself up onto her knees and squinting her eyes into the darkness ahead of the train.

"Wait...tunnels?" Emily laughed weakly.

As the whistle sounded again she realized that she had remembered correctly. She remembered this experience perfectly but the difference was that Emily was here now and that didn't sit so well in her stomach. She couldn't blame the alcohol on this one.

"Damnit."

"What?" Emily asked, looking around and trying her best to focus her eyes.

"Lay down." She demanded, shifting herself back down beside Emily.

"What why?"

"Because there's a tunnel and even though I brought you up here I'm really not trying to kill you." She retorted with a sarcastic smile. "I promise."

"Seriously?" Emily shifted herself up higher as she tried to look for said tunnel.

"Really?" She shook her head as her mouth fell open. "You choose now to fight back? Not when Mary's telling you to strip but when I'm telling you to duck?"

"Its your game not mine." Emily snapped back.

"So now instead of physically shoving me you're verbally shoving me?"

"Peters right." Emily smiled. "You are bossy."

"Passionate." She corrected. Her voice was pleading but she couldn't keep the smile from her lips as she flattened herself on the warm metal roof and held the strap of bag with her hand. "Now please lay down so your beautiful face can stay beautiful." Emily's smile faltered and she followed her lead, shifting herself down beside her as the train whistled again. "Close yours eyes."

She looked over at Emily to see her looking back. She was in the process of reading her eyes when they closed and her thoughts were forgotten and replaced by a warmth on her body. Emily reached for her and slowly ran her fingers down her arm and into other hand, intertwining them together with the lightest touch. She closed her eyes too.

* * *

She looked over at a Paige laying down next to her and couldn't concentrate enough to form a thought, separate from what was being asked of her, so she rested her body flat beside her. The concern hidden under the surface of her body was paralyzing and yet it pushed her back firmly against the warm metal and her focus to Paige's face.

"Close your eyes. " Paige whispered, her eyes meeting her briefly.

It was brief because the trust she had in Paige pulled her eyes closed without second thought but it also pushed her hand out to find the girl laying beside her. She noticed instantly how cold the metal roof felt compared to the heat radiating through Paige's shirt as her hand-made contact with her arm. After that contact her hand moved on its own, feeling her way without needing her eyes and just relishing the way the warmth coursed through her body as her fingers ran into the silk of Paige's hand. She held on tightly, focusing only on breathing slowly until all at once the air was ripped from her completely and her ears were surrounded by a deep growl of wind rushing around her body. Her heart jumped as she tightened her grip on Paige, reassured when she felt her squeeze back. Breathing wasn't necessary, at least it wasn't necessary to try, because the air pushing past worked its way into her lungs without even having to ask for it. It was just there, eagerly greeting her. Somehow the movement of everything around her slowed everything in her mind to one clear thing at a time. Separate parts the created a beautiful finished product. The truth behind the way Paige looked at her and smiled and the way with one touch she could melt away every question and doubt in her mind. The way Paige knew what she was always feeling and how she herself was learning to understand her in the same way. The most important thing took her straight back to the beginning.

It was the truth behind the first words she had spoken to Paige and how she knew that the answer...was yes.

"Em?"

Paige's voice reached her ears and the silence and stillness around her made her eyes shoot open. Her hand fell empty as Paige shifted herself up, looking over her shoulder towards the back of the train. She brought herself up quickly beside her. The tunnel was disappearing into the darkness and before she could blink it was gone completely. She swallowed hard as her throat tightened, surprised at how sad she felt at seeing it vanish before her eyes. It was like doorway into a new chapter and a start to her story. Everything up until now had been a long and drawn out prologue written by someone else. But this was the beginning of a life where she had a chance to have everything, and everything... was right in front of her.

"Are you okay?" Paige asked, bringing her focus effortlessly back.

She nodded and studied Paige's face. The furrow of her eyebrows and how they relaxed slowly while loose strands of hair left out of the messy pony tail blew across her face. The way she moved with purpose and shifted herself up onto her knees, pulling hard on the heavy hatch door. It was the sound of squeaking metal hinges that fully brought her back, tugging her out of a slow motion haze that was happening around her. Paige grabbed the bag and leaned over the opening, dropping it down inside before turning and reaching for her hand. She took it without word and stepped carefully onto the ladder, moving quickly down as anxiety for Paige made her heart pound. Her feet had barely settled on the floor before she heard the hatch close and Paige dropped down beside her with a light smile.

"I promise I'll check for tunnels if you decide you ever want to try that again." Paige smiled but her eyes were apologetic.

"No...that was amazing." She shook her head to clear it and swallowed back the dryness in her throat as Paige pushed the ladder back up into the ceiling. It was strange that she couldn't even remember climbing down. She couldn't remember anything clearly after Paige's hand had left her own and nothing changed as they stepped back out into the carved hallway and closed the door leading to a peaceful sanctuary.

Paige walked her the few feet to bedroom door and pushed it open. The movement of the train as she opened the door made her sway involuntarily away from where Paige stood. It was everything she didn't want but Paige moved so much faster than she did and stepped back towards her own room as an automatic reflex, taking the hint that she hadn't intentionally given.

"I'm guessing around 15 hours and we should be in Lincoln so if you want I can wake you up or you can just sleep..."

"Wake me up." She nodded quickly. Her mind heard the city's name again and it reminded her of how Paige had reacted to it earlier and she seemed to suddenly lose her filter when it came to avoiding questions that might be hard. "Is Lincoln where she is? Cassie? " She clarified. "Is that why you seemed upset earlier when you mentioned it?"

"I don't know." Paige answered sincerely. "She was there a year ago but I really don't care either way. Its more annoying than anything because nobody really wants to run into their ex." She nodded in understanding at Paige before she continued. "Our stock yards are there and I'm excited to show you around though. And if you liked those brownies there's an ice cream shoppe that's amazing. "

"That sounds so good." Her smile widened at how happy Paige was as the thought of showing her around her hometown.

"Wake me up if you need me." Paige smiled, opening her own bedroom door and hesitating briefly before stepping inside.

She stood there for a few seconds after the click of her door before she closed herself in her own room. It didn't feel as warm in here as it had in Paige's room. The scent was different and the absence of the red bedding was completely wrong. She shivered and walked over to the tall built-in wooden closet and pulled it open, picking out a light blue Jersey t-shirt that was beyond comfortable and a pair of purple and blue plaid pants. She hesitated by her purse on the vanity counter and pulled it open, fetching and unfolding the flyer that rested safely inside. The picture of the girl warmed very part of her body and she could no longer remember when Paige had been a foreign sight to her eyes. Everything about her familiar. After minutes of staring at the brown eyes she shivered again and folded it up, tucking it back inside of her bag.

The bathroom was the same as the one in Paige's room down to the very last detail. Everything was exact with the same fluffy red towels hanging from the hook and the same bright white shower curtain covered in tiny red vines of ivy. It felt better having the similarities and she found herself relaxing at the familiar room. She flipped on the hot water and set her clean clothes on the bathroom sink, stripping of the blue lace and jeans and letting them all fall to the floor. She decided against removing Paige's hair tie from her hair. It felt good there and she really didn't want to deal with drying her hair too much before bed.

Steam filled the room and as she stepped inside her body numbed completely to the heat and her mind stopped seeing and feeling everything. The hot water was lost to her along with the sound it made hitting the porcelain tub. Everything was lost except the new bottles of shampoo and conditioner that sat on the small rack. Peter must have placed them there when he readied the room and that was kind of him but at the same time it was more than overkill. The bottles she recognized instantly as being the brand Paige had picked for herself the day before and the only difference was that they were smaller in size for travel. She didn't stop herself from reaching for them now and she didn't lie to herself or make excuses for why she was now holding them in their hand or flipping the cap off the lid. What was the point of denying what felt so natural and right?

Floral and spice attacked her entire being and disabled mind her as Paige filled her nose and surrounded her senses. She forced herself to stop and rinse her body completely. It was too much and not enough because the real thing was so close. Paige was so close. She slammed off the water and stepped out of the shower, hugging the thick red towel to her body and moving too quickly to enjoy the softness or the warmth. There were things much softer and warmer than this and she had decided earlier that she would be the one waiting outside of Paige's door for as long as she had to. Time didn't matter because she knew now where she wanted to be and if Paige tripped on her in the morning then that was just an added bonus and one she wouldn't argue.

The blue jersey tee hugged her tightly and covered three-quarters of her arm so she should be warm enough if the hall was drafty and if not the plaid pants should make up for it. There wasn't an extra blanket in the bedroom and she had left the pale blue fleece on the couch in the commons that morning. There was no telling where it was now and it didn't really matter because it didn't affect her mindset at all.

She quietly opened the bedroom door and took in the still hallway with dimmer lighting than before. Perhaps they were set on some type of timer for a softer glow at night. The air was warmer out here than her bedroom so being cold wouldn't be an issue. As she stepped over the threshold and into the hall her foot caught on something and sent her stumbling forward. Her arms shot out to grab the molding of the door frame and hands wrapped around her waist to steady her. Her heart pounded from the near fall but mostly from the irony of this situation. Paige was outside her door wearing the same deep blue thermal but only now it was paired with tight black sweat pants that were bunched slightly up the length of one calf and bright green slip-on converse. Her hair was free again, cascading in long waves over her chest.

She swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry." Paige frowned, holding her steadily until she could manage it on her own then she dropped her arms from her waist and toyed with the candy wrapper that still held bunched in her hand. "I was waiting because I heard the water running and I figured..." Paige cut her own words off and smiled lightly as she changed her direction. "And now it's not just tunnels... now I'm trying to kill you in dark hallways." Paige joked.

She couldn't fight back the smile that came with the dramatic way Paige worried about her. "What are you waiting for?" She asked, looking down at Paige's hand as she picked at the colored candies she held.

"I was gonna go check on Ember and make sure Mary isn't smothering him with love."

She laughed now because Paige kept a straight face while saying that. It was easy to see how smothering could be an issue when Mary was involved. "Oh my God you went there. "

"What?" Paige chuckled.. "I'm tempted to raise Riley's life insurance policy because I kinda endanger him by having them around each other. I'm not risking Ember. The height of his nose is level with Mary's..."

"Stop!" She laughed and shoved Paige in the arm. The visual of Ember suffocating in Mary's chest from her hugging his face was too much.

"Always with the pushing." Paige grinned. "I might have to raise my policy too. If you playing strip maiden with Mary doesn't kill me I can count on you to take matters into your own hands with the shoving. "

"And you've never taken matters into your own hands?" She shot back, remembering an earlier conversation where Mary had used those exact same words.

"What do you mean?" Paige asked, oblivious to what she meant.

She raised her hand in front of her and wiggling her fingers suggestively at Paige. The sound that left Paige's throat as she choked on a skittle was proof that she understood.

"I didn't actually say that...Mary did." She clarified with an impressed smile. "And you've seriously been hanging around them too much."

"I can stay in my room." She frowned and gave her a look of disappointment that had her shaking her head frantically.

"No." Paige said firmly.

She grinned proudly then and Paige shook her head in disbelief. Apparently Stella's acting skills were rubbing off on her too and Paige was easily convinced. She softened her smile and reached for an orange candy in Paige's hand, popping it into her mouth as she turned down the hallway towards the back of the train.

The clock on the wall in the commons was pushing midnight but the room was still busy with movement. Peter stood by the pool table and chalked a cue stick while Sadie sat on the edge and watched passively.

"Get off!" Paige snapped, bringing her attention to the other side of the room and the oversized couch they had slept on the night before.

Mary sat straddling Riley's hips, still clothed in the same white cotton shorts and black tee though it didn't look like that would be the case for much longer. Paige didn't see the couch as collateral damage she saw it as a good memory, but at the moment... the fight that would result out of Mary stopping what she was doing would be a long and drawn out string of back and fourths that wasn't necessary. She reached for Paige's hand and pulled her gently through the room, distracting her and proving to her that while the couch may be compromised...they had places that were still theirs.

Theirs.

She wasnt surprised how much she like thinking that and how naturally it rolled around in her mind. Paige walked away from them easily as she seemed to focus only on her hand and what was in it at the moment. She didn't release her the entire way, not until she pushed open the heavy door to car 12 and that was only because she needed both hands for that task. She smiled to herself when she realized that that may very well have been the first time she had opened a door for Paige.

"They're gonna ruin that couch." Paige said surely, shaking her head as she stepped inside the car.

Ember turned lazily as they approached his side but he quickly dropped his head back down and closed his eyes. The moon poked through the slits in the metal that lined the top of the walls, casting thin strands of silver light over every surface. She could pick out each speck of dust floating through each beam because they sparkled like the stars that had been projected over the arena during the Paige's act.

"Nothing they do is gonna ever ruin that couch." she reassured. It felt nice to be the one pulling Paige out of dark thoughts for a change, even if the thoughts were over something small. Nothing in Paige's mind was trivial or unworthy of her attention. She dropped her body down to the soft straw where they had sat together the first night. It seemed so far away and hazy from how drained she'd felt. Now everything around her was clear and detailed. Paige sat down beside her and leaned back into the bail of hay.

"Yeah you're right." She agreed and picked at the straw on the floor. "I'll fight for it though."

She sunk lower beside Paige and smiled, resting her head against her shoulder just lightly as she watched her begin a braid. Her mind replayed the first night and how Paige had braided the gold in Ember's hair and the straw into a loop. She shifted her eyes to the scattered hay on the floor beside Paige's thigh and instantly spotted it. She didn't mean to make Paige freeze when she reached for it but the light grazing of her wrist against her leg made Paige stop the movement of her fingers on the braid in progress. The grass bracelet was softer than she expected it to be. Instead of the coarseness she had assumed it was soft like fibers of silk.

"I can make you one better than that." Paige chuckled lightly and dropped the grass she had started. "That's sloppy. Pick your colors and I could make one with ribbon like Ember's."

"I'd like that but I love this one." She smiled and twirled it between her fingers, trying her best touch every inch of it. "Simple things, remember?"

Paige sighed softly as she nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that's _exactly_ you."

"Because you know me." she pointed out

* * *

Her breath caught in her throat as the memory snapped before her eyes.

_She choked on the burn in her throat nearly dropping the whiskey bottle to her nightstand. One drink was enough to convince her that it was definitely not suitable for consumption but just to be sure she took four more. Why everyone fussed over something so disgusting was beyond her but as long as it meant that they neglected the vodka and wine then she wouldn't be complaining._

_She sighed and ignored the bottle on the small table, deciding to pace her bedroom sounded like a better idea. Everyone had left for the bar beside The Brew and the train had been silent for over an hour as the sky grew dark outside of the small window. It didn't really matter how much she tried to stand here and fight with the staying inside alone because the second the alcohol hit her mind she knew there would be no desire to stay on the train by herself. She knew it before she picked up the bottle... which is probably why she had picked up the bottle. She picked it up knowing that it would keep her from caring so much about everything that had kept her away from Rosewood for so long. That it wouldn't hurt so much. Liquid courage to finally make her go out and face everything that had once scared her. Before she could question any of this absurd reasoning the train was fifty feet behind her, becoming swallowed by shadows of the night as she walked alone towards the street lights beyond the field. The cool wind prickled against her bare arms and the deep blue v-neck was much to thin to keep her from shivering. Luckily with each step she took towards uncertainty the whiskey stepped forward and shielded her just enough to keep her moving. Numbing her body more and more as she drew closer and by the time she reached the quiet street where the bar sat she was smiling to herself and encouraging her actions. Something about how much stronger she was and how much this town couldn't ever touch her again. Rosewood didn't know her anymore and couldn't reach out and hold her it its grasp because she didn't need it. She didn't want it. There was nothing here that she wanted anymore._

_"I love the circus! We are so going!"_

_she froze in her tracks as her eyes shot up to the bar twenty feet away, following the direction her ears were pulling her. A flash of blonde pushed inside of the door and left something beautiful in its wake. A girl now standing alone on the sidewalk holding her lightly in her hands. A picture of her surrounded by bright reds and golds and images of the acts she knew so well. The circus flyer that she never expected to see in the hands of Emily Fields. The alcohol slapped her forward and pushed those feelings down. For her own sake she needed to try to forget everything about this place and just move on. Nothing in her entire being wanted to come back after this._

_"Are you gonna go?" She asked, stepping up onto the curb and under the small street light. _

_Emily jumped slightly and she felt bad for sneaking up on her. It hadn't been clear how lost Emily was in her thoughts but it was clear now by the way her eyes softened at seeing the familiar face from the flyer in her hands._

_"I know you, don't I?" Emily asked, still holding the flyer in her hand. There was something in Emily's eyes that said yes and answered her own question but it was an illusion. Something she thought she was seeing because she had wanted it so badly before._

_"Kind of." She smiled because Emily hadn't really known her or probably of her but she had wanted to know Emily seven years ago...and part of her had wanted that everyday since. Her body pushed her forward to Emily's side, bringing her eyes to the flyer in her hand. She felt braver than usual and it was obvious what was causing it but it didn't matter. Alcohol or not she was here for a reason and in this moment she was conquering this place. She needed to ignore the flame touching her arm as she brushed against this girl and focus solely on the burn in her stomach. She was set to prove to herself that even though Emily was holding her picture in her hands and even though this town was showcasing her image on bulletin boards like a missing child...none of it could hurt her anymore. None of it knew her. _

_"I hope you decide to come." She said softly._

_Her breath ripped from her lungs as she edged around Emily and through the door, clutching at the door knob to hold herself up and leaning into the wood frame as it closed behind her. Her eyes stung and she couldn't breathe. The small space already too packed with people and heat the of the bodies choked around her, threatening to squeeze every ounce of resolve that the liquor had mustered inside of her. She swallowed hard and was so confused that she had been able to see something missing in this girl's life. In her mind she could pinpoint exactly how much Emily had changed from her memory because there hadn't been a smile on her lips or even the hint that one had been there recently._

_"McCullers!" Mary shouted from a crowed corner table, forcing her to focus and just in time because the door knob shifted behind her back and sent her body forward quickly to join the people she loved. The ones that loved her too and touched her life everyday. She'd never be able to touch Emily Fields and all she wanted was the chance to say..._

_I know you._

* * *

She looked down at Emily, the moonlight seeping through the small window above Ember's head casting blue over her hair. Emily lifted her head off of her shoulder, her eyes tired but burning into her with an intensity smouldering under the surface. She went from being with such a low person to nothing and now...having a chance at being with the best person was overwhelming and terrifying. If she messed this up she wouldn't survive it. If she pushed too hard and Emily wasn't ready then she wouldn't survive the pain that would follow. If Emily was here with her right now then Emily knew every part of her heart and how deeply those feelings ran. It was Emily understanding her feelings that she'd harbored for years and Emily feeling them too.

She expected the shaking in her stomach to overpower her body and affect her hands but it didn't. Her right hand stayed strong and steady as she reached and cupped Emily's cheek, brushing her thumb lightly over her soft skin. God, she was so warm.

Emily exhaled lightly as her eyes melted, flickering across her face before they fell closed just from the touch. A slight quiver appeared on her lower lip and she couldn't keep her eyes away from it. They rested there the way your eyes rested on your home that you've been away from for too long. She moved, pressing her lips softly to still the tremor, tasting the sweetness on her lips and memorizing instantly the scent on her skin. It was then that she noticed the tight grip Emily had on her hand. It loosened quickly and she instead traced lightly with her finger over her palm, giving in to her as her body relaxed into and embraced everything she was wanting too.

Her heart pounding in her chest in this moment, risking all that she had with Emily for a chance to have everything with her. Emily tilted her chin up more, leaning into the kiss and parting her lips just enough to send heat brushing across her mouth. The chance had been taken and there was no going back from this moment and nothing in her that would be capable of forgetting. She slipped her tongue lightly over Emily's lower lip, just savoring the way she felt. Surprise struck through her body when Emily parted her lips further, granting her permission and wanting the same thing. A soft whimper left Emily's throat as their tongues touched, exploding new flavors across her mouth and sending chills across her skin. The sugar of the orange candy mixed with the sweetness of her body. Her fingertips were trembling against her cheek now and as Emily brought her hand up behind her neck and pulled her closer, she realized that she was shaking too. The response that it created was her hand dropping from her cheek and running down her neck and shoulder. She brushed over the length of her arm, absorbing the heat through the thin blue cotton and her hands found solace on Emily's side, clutching at the fabric on her ribcage.

The taste of Emily on her tongue woke every nerve in her body that was now acting as a million live wires, jolting through her in a painfully good way. Like she couldn't get close enough or tire of touching her this way. Never would there be a day that she didn't want this. Nothing would ever keep her from doing whatever it took to protect her. To protect the hands clutching at her neck or the tongue moving tenderly against hers. The breath brushing across her mouth and the scent of her musk on Emily's skin.

Emily pressed deeper, drowning in her mouth as the shaking in her body calmed. She wouldn't be the one to let Em go.

* * *

**Lyric Mention: I Knew I Loved You- Savage Garden**

**Kiss Me Slowly - Parachute {Paige} ****(I Do Not Own These Lyrics.) **

_Stay with me, baby stay with me  
Tonight, don't leave me alone  
Walk with me  
Come and walk with me  
To the edge of all we've ever known  
I can see you there with the city lights  
fourteenth floor, pale blue eyes  
I can breathe you in  
Two shadows standing by the bedroom door  
You know I could not want you more  
Then I did right then  
As our heads leaned in_

Well I'm not sure what this going to be  
But with my eyes closed all I see  
Is the sky line through the window  
The moon above you and the streets below  
Hold my breath as you're moving in  
Taste your lips and feel your skin  
When the time comes  
Baby don't run, just kiss me slowly

Stay with me, baby stay with me  
Tonight, don't leave me alone  
She shows me everything she used to know  
Picture frames and country roads  
When days were long, and the world was small  
She stood by as it fell apart  
Separate rooms and broken hearts  
But I won't be the one to let you go  
Ohhhh

I'm not sure what this going to be  
But with my eyes closed all I see  
Is the sky line through the window  
The moon above you and the streets below  
Hold my breath as you're moving in  
Taste your lips and feel your skin  
When the time comes  
Baby don't run, just kiss me slowly

Don't run away...

And it's hard to love again  
When the only way it's been  
When the only love you knew  
Just walked away.  
It gets something that you want  
Darling you don't have to run  
You don't have to go

Just Stay with me, baby stay with me

Well I'm not sure what this is going to be  
But with my eyes closed all I see  
Is the sky line through the window  
The moon above you and the streets below  
Hold my breath as you're moving in  
Taste your lips and feel your skin  
When the time comes  
Baby don't run just kiss me slowly

* * *

**Kiss Me- Ed Sheeran. (Emily. Probably one of the most amazing songs for them both and significant to the story even though its so subtle...just a few simple words take it back to the beginning.) {I Do Not Own These Lyrics}**

_Settle down with me _

_Cover me up _

_Cuddle me in _

_Lie down with me _

_Hold me in your arms_

_Your heart's against my chest_

_ Lips pressed to my neck _

_I've fallen for your eyes _

_But they don't know me yet_  
_And the feeling I forget _

_I'm in love now_

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved_

_ Wanna be loved _

_Wanna be loved_  
_This feels like I've fallen in love _

_Fallen in love _

_Fallen in love_

_Settle down with me _

_And I'll be your safety _

_You'll be my lady_  
_I was made to keep your body warm _

_But I'm cold as, the wind blows _

_So hold me in your arms_

_My heart's against your chest _

_Your lips pressed to my neck _

_I've fallen for your eyes _

_But they don't know me yet_  
_And the feeling I forget I'm in love now_

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved _

_Wanna be loved _

_Wanna be loved_  
_This feels like I've fallen in love _

_Fallen in love _

_Fallen in love_

_Yeah I've been feeling everything_

_ From hate to love _

_From love to lust _

_From lust to truth _

_I guess that's how **I know you**_  
_So hold you close _

_To help you give it up_

_So kiss me like you wanna be loved _

_Wanna be loved _

_Wanna be loved_  
_This feels like I've fallen in love _

_Fallen in love Fallen in love_  
_So kiss me like you wanna be loved _

_Wanna be loved _

_Wanna be loved_  
_This feels like I've fallen in love _

_Fallen in love _

_Fallen in love_


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: **_Thank you everyone for the amazing reviews! Chapter 13 will introduce a new POV and one that I am very excited about. Its going to be amazing to see not only how Paige and Emily affect each other but how they touch the lives of the people around them. I hope you all enjoy it I know I have a group of girls that will hopefully love it as much as I do. This character will probably surprise you with their thoughts and they're very pivotal to the story. Enjoy ;)_

* * *

When you lose _so much_ its hard to even see the possibility of it ever getting better. There's nights when you cry and days that no matter how hard you try you can't even remember a single detail around you. You don't know how you ended up walking down a dirt road away from your only hope left in a small town. You don't remember why you're at a hole in the wall bar laughing with an old friend when all you really want to be doing is falling to your knees with finality. Sometimes you don't remember these basic things like how you got to a place but you remember the little things in passing. Like the image of a girl on paper in your hands and the smile she gives you like she's known you all your life. It's just a mirage because it's just a flyer. How could she know? How could she have any idea? She's never been there. Then suddenly she's there, standing behind you with that same smile and eyes that know you completely though you can't fathom how. The more you see her the more you just can't stop feeling that you know her too because you realize that it's these little things that fool you. It's the little things that are anything but small because they pertain to matters of the heart.

_Getting through seven years alone is nothing when you find the love of the person you were always meant to have._

Paige had slipped away and faded out without her ever really knowing she was there and now...now she rested tenderly at her fingertips with more patience and longing than was deserved. The old photo of Paige sitting so close was painful in her mind. She had smiled about it earlier because the coincidence of Paige being so close was amazing but the pain now was real. She wanted to know the Paige that was young and hurt and yet still strong enough to take control over her own life. She lost time with her that she wanted every second of it back but there was no way to ever go back. Their wasnt hope for knowing the Paige that felt lost and alone enough to want to leave home in search of another. But there was hope for now. There was hope because of the truth behind the first words she had spoken to Paige.

_I know you._

One moment she was watching Paige stare down at the strand of hay that she was holding and the next she was a breath away from her lips. The heat had appeared on her chin, tilting it up before moving to cup her cheek and audibly pulling air from her lungs as she exhaled. She couldn't still the tremble forming throughout her body and she didn't want to. The feelings that had been building over the last few days had tugged at her focus and screamed at her to pay attention and it was now that she knew where it was leading her. Uncertainty vanished the second Paige touched her face and her mind went back to the first time she had done that outside of the tent in Rosewood. How strong the contrast was between the cold on her skin and the heat of Paige's fingers. She remembered everything that touch ignited inside of her and the way its absence of it had sent her crashing on stairs and falling to cold porcelain. She remembered every touch. From the first brush of her arm to the hands now on her cheek. Home wasn't the red velvet jacket or the black stain top hat. Home was the deep blue v-neck and the thermal shirts. Home was the heat of Paige's hand on her own and the auburn waves. She didn't want to control the shaking in her body, she wanted Paige to feel it. She needed Paige to know exactly how much she wanted this and how much Paige was wanted. She closed the gap to Paige's lips, allowing her to still the tremble and pull it from her body, tossing it away and replacing it with pure certainty. The red velvet jacket was forgotten as the pink velvet of her lips pressed softly to her mouth, brushing a light flame of air across her cheek. The sensation jolted her body and had her parting her lips as she tried to get closer. She brought her hands up behind Paige's neck and whimpered when her fingers slipped into her hair. The waves she had wanted so badly to touch were now twisting around her hand and begging her to stay. She gasped as Paige's tongue lightly traced her lower lip and she couldn't grant access fast enough. She sighed into her mouth as Paige pressed into her, running her fingers down from her cheek and across her neck and shoulder. She shivered at the closeness as Paige clutched at her rib cage. How she could pick out the new mix of flavors on her tongue and clearly seek out the citrus that was so familiar. She couldn't wrap her mind around what was happening because it was just too right. No words could touch this feeling. Nothing could come close to describing Paige breathing life into her mouth. Her tongue gently searching and finding every missing piece that was being offered to her. Silently she was begging Paige to take everything she had left because without her...there wasn't much. A complete surrender of herself to a girl she now knew. It was familiar when Paige sucked on her top lip and when she rolled softly over her tongue. It was familiar when she paused to kiss lightly on the corner of her mouth only to return to the moisture of her lips. She gladly give it all if it meant staying in this moment and never having to let go of the long waves bunched in her hands or the scent of musk on Paige's body and the orange...

She nipped lightly at Paige's lip, eliciting a soft gust of air from her lungs as she pulled away. The urge to breathe was gone but she needed to see her. Instantly she missed the taste lingering on her tongue but Paige rested their foreheads together and panted hot wind across her lips and just the scent was intoxicating. They stayed there, Paige clutching at her at her side as her eyes remained closed, trying to regain shallow movements of her lungs. She tried to steady her breathing too but she didn't really want to. Instead she released her left hand from Paige's hair and brought it down, tilting her chin back up to look at her. Paige's eyes flickered open at the touch and locked onto her. She always had the softest eyes but they were pure liquid now and she struggled to look away from them. As she glanced down she knew she wouldn't be able to keep herself from her mouth either. She moved in slowly again, letting herself fall open only to Paige's lips and as they touched her eyes closed to hide the burn forming behind them. Paige parted her lips slowly and returned the favor, letting her freely explore the hot curves of her tongue, like exploring a new world and familiarizing herself with the temperature inside her mouth. This was something she want to memorize and perfect. She curled her tongue across the roof of Paige's mouth, eliciting a soft moan from her own throat. Paige tensed at the sound and released her side, bringing her arm up to her neck and leaning into her more. She pushed deeper as she moved her tongue and lips with more of a fever than before.

A noise beside them made her jump. and Paige quickly pulled away on reflex, looking towards the sound. Ember stood by staring at their movements and as their eyes fell on him he bent his knees and brought his body down lightly to the straw, tucking his head on his shoulder and closing his eyes. It was peaceful and breathtaking at first glance but in all the years she had worked with him...she had never witnessed him laying down and that peace quickly disappeared. She panicked and looked at him helplessly, ready to pull herself up from floor because the only times she'd seen a horse down at the stables hadn't ended well. It was a bad memory that came with being around so many horses all the time but seeing Ember laying down was scary all at once.

"He's never done that before." She whispered, pulling herself from Paige's arms.

Paige grabbed her hand and stopped her as she tried to pull herself up. "He has actually."

"What?" She looked at Ember in confusion and then back to Paige. "When? Horses don't..."

"The night we were leaving Rosewood." She interrupted. "When I was sitting by him. You're right though, they usually don't lay down because physically they don't have to but they do when they feel safe enough."

She looked at Ember warily as she studied him. Everything she knew from past experiences was conflicting with what Paige was saying but that seemed to hold true for more than just Ember. Paige was proving her wrong about a lot of things.

"Does he look sick?" Paige asked softly. "If he's hurting you'd be the first person to see it."

Her eyes focused in on Ember's shallow breaths as his eyes closed. He seemed peaceful and happy and more relaxed than she had ever seen him. Paige had been back here with him that night and with that thought her eyes went to the gold ribbon and coral feathers in his hair. He felt safe with Paige nearby just like she did and what was even more beautiful was him feeling safe with them together. With Paige holding her and kissing her, with her kissing back. Not that his opinion mattered on the subject because he was still a horse but this turn of events...this little thing of the heart that meant so much...just cemented everything she was feeling. She slipped her fingers gently from Paige's hand and stood up from the warm floor, walking over to his side. She could feel Paige watching her as she touched the feathers and she could clearly see that night. She could hear Paige's voice over the radio telling the engineer where she was. If Ember had laid down beside her then he couldn't have been that scared. Her eyes moved from the braid of gold in his mane to the gold straw bracelet in her hand as she slipped it onto her left wrist.

"You said you were back here with him because you didn't want him to be scared?" She asked, keeping her back to Paige as she watched him sleep. She heard movement behind her as Paige pulled herself from the floor.

"Yes." She replied, stepping up beside her. "But it was for me too." She pulled her attention away from Ember and looked at Paige. Her eyes were there waiting for her already but she made sure she was holding them before she spoke again. "I signed for him and took him in because of how much you love him and because he's part of you. I came back here to make him that..." Paige pointed to the ribbon and feathers. "..because you wanted it for him but I didn't realize how hard it would be for me to have him."

She furrowed her brows and studied Paige's face. "What do you mean?" She seemed to like Ember and vice versa at least as far as she had noticed but then again she hadn't really been focused on Ember lately and Paige hadn't been around him that much so she could have missed something. Mentally she scolded herself for not paying attention enough and for making Paige feel like she had to take him. The last thing she wanted to do was make Paige feel obligated to have him and at the time she had just been so desperate to save him. She hadn't wanted to burden anyone especially not Paige.

Paige's eyes flickered to him and watched him as he slept, struggling with her thoughts. It wasn't something she noticed Paige doing very often. She usually knew what she wanted to say because she spoke so honestly. She was like a child sometimes with the way she saw the world.

"I've already told you that he's a lot like you. " Paige started, keeping her eyes on him as she spoke. "I wanted him because it was like having a part of you but I didn't realize how much of a reminder he was gonna be."

She turned eyes from Paige and looked down at him sleeping, still hanging on her every word. Trying to make herself believe what Paige was telling her. It was just so unbelievable that her mind couldn't wrap itself around the idea of someone seeing her so differently than she saw herself. People don't care for her like this and hearing Paige explain was making every nerve in her body restless.

"It was hard because he wasn't _really_ you. He was just a piece of you and I missed _all_ of you."

She turned to Paige and closed the gap, wrapping her arms around her waist and gasping lightly as her fingers grazed across the skin on her hip in the process. It was so much warmer and softer than she expected and as she rested her head on her shoulder Paige brought her arms around and pulled her closer. So much tighter than she had in the meadow but this amount of pressure was finally right. It wasnt awkward or unsure, it was strong and constant. She was with Ember that night because she wanted to be near _her_ and he was just the closest thing. It was gut wrenching to think about how Paige would have felt if they hadn't been able to catch the train. How she had asked so much of her to take Ember in... not knowing how much it would potentially hurt her and yet Paige said yes without hesitating. She couldn't even tell her no to spare herself from the hurt she knew it would cause. She could imagine that pain clearly because she felt it when the sound of the truck driving away had reached her ears and crumpled her to the cold stairs. The only thing that ripped that ache from her chest was the rise and fall of Paige's against hers now. She tightened her grip.

You don't realize how much you miss being held by someone until the right arms close around you with a silent promise not to let go. You don't realize how much you need it until you've had to go so long without. It can mend every broken piece of your body and soul being touched so softly by the right person. She shivered faintly from the feeling of Paige's hands on her back and even more so when Paige brought a hand up into the loose pony-tail in her hair. She could feel Paige's chest rise as she inhaled and pressed her face into her neck. She burned her hands into the blue thermal on Paige's back, absorbing the fabric in search of relief from the chill forming across her skin. The difference between the cool air and the heat of her skin. It wasnt surprising when Paige pulled back. She always knew when she was cold without asking.

* * *

As much as she didn't want to.. she pulled away. Maybe it was the need to look at the girl in her arms maybe it was from the way she trembled against her body but it essentially didn't matter what the reason was because Emily needed to come first. The desire to make sure she was taken care of was the most important thing. Emily shifted to look up at her. There wasn't worry in her eyes about why she had pulled away. She expected it and that was only proof of how far she had come. Emily was capable of standing now and doing what she had to do to take care of herself. Softly she pressed a kiss to her forehead and stepped back, bringing her hands up to rub against Emily's arms to warm them with the friction.

"Are you tired?"

Emily shook her head. "No, not at all." She smiled like there was a particular reason for her to feel wide awake at this time of night and she couldn't help but smile back because she agreed. Nothing in her wanted to sleep.

"Yeah me either." She chuckled and wrapped an arm around Emily's waist when she shivered again. "Now that we know Marys not smothering Ember we should make sure Riley's still breathing too."

Emily smiled and nodded as they pushed towards the door. Holding her now was so different from the other times that she'd led Emily like this. The first time Emily was drunk and relying heavily on her support and the last time exhaustion had won out, threatening to bring her to the floor. Something bothered her about those nights. The first was obvious because she didn't like the idea of Emily drowning herself to keep herself from feeling. The second night was different. Emotionally it was clear that Emily had actually _let_ herself feel everything she had been working so hard to drown. The thought that she was responsible for how drained Emily was that night was what mixed everything in her mind. Its conflicting when you're a part of what brings someone down like that. When you're the culprit of the unleashed emotions even if its unintentional. It's good to have those feelings be set free but the effect it had on Emily that night was painful to see. The raw emotion and the fear that she was losing something and powerless to stop it. A moment of desperation to hold on to the person that made her feel again. It was hard being _that _person because it brought Emily such conflict yet it made her happy to know that the girl she had longed for for seven years...needed her too. That was what bothered her. She was sad that Emily was hurting but happy that it meant Emily needed her too.

It was different now though. Emily leaned into her as they walked through the cars but she was standing and taking the steps on her own. It wasn't surprising when Emily dropped her arm from around her stomach and took her hand instead. Emily had the desire to lean into her, but she didn't have the physical or emotional _need_ to do so. She wanted it but wasn't relying on it.

She herself was having more issues during the entire walk to the front of the train. Her mind was reeling and her lips tingled from the absence of Emily's. These last few days she had focused only on making sure Emily was comfortable and happy with her surroundings and the people that filled in the spaces around her. She hadn't realized how close she was to being happy herself until that memory flashed into her mind and really brought forth the first words Emily had said to her. _I know you._ At the time it was an honest assessment of the way Emily randomly recognized her on the poster but to her...those words were Emily pleading for someone to say they knew her too. Someone to say they wanted to know her and be there for her. Foreshadowing at its finest because what Emily hadn't known at the time was that _she_ wanted to know her more than anything. Kissing Emily was like a window into her soul. She could feel Emily pouring everything she had left into the movements of her lips like the continuation of her life depended on the passion of her tongue. She could feel the longing and the sadness Emily had gone through but more importantly she could feel her hope. Those were all just the emotional things she felt while kissing her, the physical was something completely on its own and something that didn't have to be explained. It was obvious what kissing Emily had done to her entire body.

Emily didn't hesitate when they reached the common room door. The noise filtered through the cracks and echoed down the hallway. There was a determination in Emily's eyes as she pushed the door open, her eyes scanning the room and falling on the oversized couch by the window. Mary still sat there huddled on one end, picking at her finger nails with a glass of something strong wedged between her thighs. Riley had taken to the dart board with Peter and Sadie now sat beside her in the middle, talking away while Mary rolled her eyes and shook her head firmly as she disagreed. That was typical. Mary rarely agreed with anyone or at least she didn't voice any agreements. She probably considered herself neutral but she was usually the antagonist which was why they butt heads so often. Mary was probably the person most like herself sometimes.

Emily smiled and turned to her in the doorway, keeping their fingers intertwined at their sides. "Can I go talk to them for a minute?"

She followed Emily's eyes to Mary and released her hand. "You don't have to ask me to talk to them. Go fraternize with the enemy." She pressed her hands against Emily's back and guided her off towards the couch. "Fly away, little bird."

Emily turned and laughed, grabbing her hand again and tugging her over to the couch along with her.

"Oh no! You said _you_ wanted to talk to them and the last thing _I_ want is more argument over my clothing choices."

Emily stopped and furrowed her brows, releasing her hand. "Okay." She seemed a little disappointed but she started over in Mary's direction as she spoke. "I just wanted to ask her a few things about possible costumes for me."

She choked on the dryness in her throat as she watched Emily plop down on the couch beside Sadie. Smiles appeared on the girls' faces as they relaxed into the cushions. Sadie seemed especially happy to talk to Emily and Mary seemed a little too pleased as her eyes flickered over to where she was standing. There was a clear amusement in her eyes and the way she cocked her head to the side and winked as she took a drink from her glass only made her more curious to what was being discussed. Leave it to Mary to tease that fact that she had insight and was fully intending to withhold all information. She knew enough about the girls' costumes to be _very_ intrigued by what Emily had in mind for herself.

She tucked her hands into her front pockets and rocked on her heels as she contemplated her next move. There was always darts with Peter and Riley. Poor Riley seemed be having an issue with throwing and that probably was because of the large purple bruise on his shoulder. He's a dead man if he fucked up his arm by riding Ember when she told him not to. She shook her head lightly and decided against joining them and that was to spare Riley from further injuries because all she wanted was to kick his ass for not listening in the first place. Her eyes glided over to the bar and fell on Faye and Claire chatting over a drink and that would likely be the most boring conversation of her life. Not to seem rude but if she was gonna sit with anyone and discuss clothing she knew exactly where she wanted to be at the moment. The smile on Emily's lips drew her slowly over to the couch. There wasnt room on the cushions but she sunk herself silently to the floor in front of Emily, leaning her back against the couch beside her legs. Emily shifted herself into a ball on the cushion and tucked her legs up to give her a place to rest. While she would have preferred it if Emily had left her legs there she was just happy to be able to hear what was being discussed. Glancing over at Mary it was clear that her presence was already being overly enjoyed.

"We can measure you in the morning and see what we have." Sadie stated. "We have a lot of corsets and dresses if that's the way you wanna go and you pretty much have your pick of colors. Do you have anything against nudity?"

Emily coughed lightly. "Um, I...do you mean for riding? Nude riding?"

She turned from her head from her spot on the floor and glared at Sadie who sealed her lips shut to avoid being attacked. Mary chuckled and jumped in of course because she really doesn't care who she offends as long as she's entertained.

"No, for changing and taking measurements." She clarified. "We might have to take some outfits in or let seams out. It'll be easier and faster if you...well...let some _things_ out. " The smile spread on Mary's lips.

She frowned and turned around, smacking Mary's leg which just caused her to laugh and hit her arm away.

"It's a process, Paige." Mary shrugged, taking a sip of her drink. "Corsets need to be adjusted."

The word corset tightened her throat further but she turned back around and was careful to keep her eyes away from Mary at the moment. Nothing good would come from seeing the proud smile on her face so she let Emily speak on her own.

"Um yeah, I mean if its easier for you guys. And I'm not picky as far as colors go. I'm fine with corsets.

Her body tensed slightly at the idea of Emily wearing anything similar to what the girls did but she maintained a calm on the outside and picked at the zipper on her boots, pretending to be there only for moral support. Unfortunately while Emily and Sadie's attention was focused on each other...someone else was more focused on her which was exactly what she was afraid of and completely expected especially since she had just hit her. Why did she always feel the urge to hit Mary? She should have learned by now that calling Mary out on certain things was more dangerous than ignoring her.

"Definitely." Mary agreed. The enthusiasm in her voice was what set her body on guard and made her hypersensitive now to everything around her. She could hear the buzzing in the light bulbs and the soft hissing from the floor vents that pumped cool air into the room. Mary straightened herself on the couch and set her glass on the floor. "I actually have something that might work for you. You're probably the same size as Paige, right? "

She snapped her head over to meet Mary's ice blue eyes. The smile on her lips only evoked the urge to choke her but at the moment it was her own airway that threatened to close so she refrained. Mary was clearly trying to get a rise out of her but for Emily's sake she kept her mouth shut and continued playing with the zipper. Peter was right. Emily could speak for herself and she couldn't always jump into every conversation and call Mary out for being...well, Mary. It would quickly become weird if she was always coming to the rescue on a white stallion, or tiger, to speak on Emily's behalf and it was probably vain to think Emily needed that help anyways. As much as she loved Mary and their combative nature, she didn't need to give her the satisfaction when it came to Emily. Her thoughts on the other hand were running away with her because she had a good idea which outfit Mary was referring to.

"Yeah." Sadie jumped in. "Yeah they're probably the same size. Paige may be an inch shorter but...we should definitely try it. What kind of shoes do you wear when you're riding?"

"Um, my boots usually."

Sadie shook her head firmly.. "No, that's not gonna work with this style. Maybe heels of some sort?" Sadie was all for over the top things. The boots would probably work but Sadie would never see it because her judgment was too clouded by shiny new things and accessorizing shiny new things. At the moment one of those things...was Emily.

"I don't wanna wear heels when I'm riding. Maybe something flat-bottomed..." Emily suggested.

"You don't use a saddle do you? You ride bareback, right? " Mary asked, reaching for her glass on the floor and meeting her eyes briefly. She was enjoying the conversation a little too much yet there was still a warmth in her eyes that spoke volumes to genuine intentions. That was the essence of their relationship ever since their first meeting. Mary had chewed her out and then hugged her with her eyes and then proceeded to empty the contents of her stomach in a trashcan. That was them exactly. There was so much to Mary as a person. She was harder to read than everyone else and much of that had to do with everything she'd been through. The amount of respect she had for Mary was limitless. It's the respect that made it so possible for them to joke around with each other the way they did. There were a few weeks after Cassie left where she had different feelings for Mary but it was only a forced rebound. Her heart hadn't wanted it but her mind told her that it would aid in the healing process. It didn't. It made everything worse because she felt like she was out of chances for being happy and that Cassie had been exactly what she deserved. It was clear as time passed that nobody deserved to be subjected to the mess that Cassie was and Mary was simply caught in the crossfire.

"Yeah Ember does better without saddles and leads." Emily nodded.

"Okay." Mary started. "So we follow that same principle. Keep it simple. Showcase you in little ways. You and Ember get to lean on each other for your performance so we go bold but bare minimum. People are drawn to the beauty that doesn't have to try to be beautiful."

She smiled lightly to herself at the familiarity of Mary's words. It was proof of how well they knew each other and how talented Mary really was. The difference between her and the other girls was her eye for detail. While their costume choices were vibrant and very distracting they were exactly right for burlesque. They were meant to be distracting and Mary was very aware of the fact that Emily needed her own thing. She could easily be thrown on Ember's back in fish net and heels and be a huge hit but the biggest success would come from showcasing Emily...not her outfit. Mary recognized the difference. She scooted herself lower on the floor and rested her head into the cushion where Emily still sat curled up. Mary never loses because shes always right.

"That sounds right. " Emily agreed. Her voice was soft and she felt Emily's fingers pick at a strand of her hair, just lightly combing through the end of a curl.

Even just feeling the movement through her hair and imagining what Emily was doing made her eyes fall closed and the sound of the room fizzle away. The girls were laughing about near costume failures they'd had and Emily was giggling at all of the right places but with each passing minute Emily worked her way further into her hair, shaping the waves with her fingers. She focused on each stroke of Emily's hand and drowned in the tingling across her scalp as she made contact. The room went silent, at least in her own head it did. She could still feel the vibrations of the voices in the air but she couldn't actually hear them. All noise was replaced with a ringing in her ears. Goosebumps appeared over the entire surface of her body as Emily's nails lightly grazed across her skin and before she knew it... the girl called her name.

"Paige."

A whisper pressed to her ear and the sound of Emily's voice sent chills down her spine. It took a few seconds for her eyes to open and notice the changes in the room. Everyone was mostly gone. Sadie and Faye had left along with Peter and Riley was standing by the open door, waiting as Mary stood from the couch. She met her eyes as Mary leaned down and smiled, pressing a light kiss to the top of her head.

"Get some sleep, Paigey." She whispered, heading off to meet Riley at the door.

She scooted up on the floor and looked around again, still slightly disoriented from falling asleep. The clock on the wall was well after three and told her that she hadn't been asleep for more than an hour. She remembered the whisper in her ear and craned her neck to see Emily still curled up on the cushion behind her, smiling softly as she continued to pick at one of her loose curls.

"Sorry I feel asleep." She whispered.

Emily shook her head lightly to dismiss the apology, keeping her eyes on what her fingers were doing. "I like Mary. Kinda reminda me of Hanna. She likes getting everyone worked up doesn't she?"

"Yes definitely. Worked up, chewed up, spit out, but its all okay because then she'll hug you afterwards. Mary has mastered shock value." She smiled and shifted more to face Emily, turning her body and resting her arm on the cushion and her chin on her arm. Emily's smile softened but she didn't lose her light hold on the curl.

"Did you and Mary ever..."

She furrowed her brows and watched Emily's face for what she was feeling. She couldn't easily pinpoint an exact emotion, there were too many and yet the one that stood out the most was Emily's longing to know. She still smiled but her eyes were curious.

"Five years ago..." She started. Emily stayed quiet, waiting. "After Cassie left I had a hard time with what I was feeling. I destroyed half a bottle of something and I thought it would help with forgetting. I don't remember how or why I ended up outside of her door but I did." Emily's eyes stayed soft, listening to her every word as she continued her light strokes through the curl. "It's not what you're probably thinking."

"I'm not thinking anything." Emily whispered. "I promise I'm not thinking anything ahead of what you're saying _as_ you're saying it."

Her breath caught at Emily's words and what they meant. She wasn't coming to her own conclusions of what happened or assuming the worst. Emily was hanging on her every word and _only_ her words. She hadn't made up her mind or written her off for the past, she was asking because she was accepting. She accepted the fact that she hadn't been here for any of her life before the last few days and she was wanting to be here now.

"I kissed her." She looked up to meet Emily's eyes that softened at hearing those words like an exhale of her lungs. "I don't remember most of it but I remember crying and her holding me and I woke up the next morning on her bed and she was sleeping on the floor. I felt like an ass the next day and Mary never said anything about it. I think that's part of why we get so combative towards each other. She has blackmail on me but she's still never used it."

Emily leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek. Her eyes slammed shut as she relished the touch of Emily's lips and she missed them the second they disappeared.

"What was that for?" She watched as Emily pulled herself from the couch and extended her hand down to her.

"For letting me lean into you even though I wasn't able to be there for you."

She smiled and duck her head down bashfully as she took Emily's hand and stood from the floor. "I would have preferred you being there I promise. "

Emily chuckled and led the way back to the carved hallway. The lights were dimmer than they had been before because they were set on a timer according to the time of day and the air was warmer than the open space of the commons car. As they approached Emily's room an unfamiliar sound filtered down the hall making her stop in her tracks to listen.

"What is that?" The question wasnt directed at Emily it was just her way of thinking out loud but Emily stopped to listen too and reacted so much faster to the noise.

"Shit that's my phone." Emily looked down the hall towards her door. "I left it charging in your room. "

Without another word she pushed on past Emily's bedroom and opened her own. Emily stepped around her quickly and walked to the ringing phone charging on the wall beside her closet, pressing a button and bringing it to her ear.

"Really Han? Its four in the morning." Emily rolled her eyes and turned to glance at her.

She gestured to the door, silently asking Emily if she wanted privacy but she shook her head dismissively.

"Yeah I'm fine. My phone was dead."

She clicked the door shut and walked over to her bed, sitting on the edge as Emily paced the room. She smiled because she paced when she was on the phone too. Emily walked absent-mindedly from the vanity counter where she picked up a hair tie only to set it back down and walk back over to lean on the wall beside the closet.

"I don't know I haven't checked my messages. I'm on a moving train Han, there's not exactly reliable cell coverage." Emily sighed and pushed off from the wall again, retracing her steps back to the vanity and this time pulling the loose pony-tail from her hair and replacing it to the pile of them on the counter. "Whoa slow down on the questions. Why is she calling you?"

Her eyebrows furrowed as she kicked off her converse and leaned back into her bed, watching as Emily moved.

"If she calls again tell her I'll call when we stop later today?" Emily looked at her for help so she nodded a yes in agreement. "Yeah I'll call her later."

She shifted herself onto her stomach on the end of the bed, resting her chin on her arms and following Emily's movements as she paced. Her periwinkle jersey-tee was glowing against her skin and the plaid on her legs was bright and crisp in violet and blue. Her mind wandered away from the moment and back to Emily's reaction about Mary. How she understood and wasnt hurt and how she wished she had been there instead. It made her smile to think of how differently it would have been if Emily had always been there instead. How perfect everything would have been. It didn't matter now because everything was perfect. Emily was here and Emily wanted her too.

"No I haven't used the stun gun and yes Mary was wearing a bra the last time I saw her...I think?" Emily looked at her questioningly again and smiled when she shrugged. Who knew if Mary was wearing a bra? Its safer to assume not so theres no surprises later. "No the tiger hasn't starved to death. Her name is Stella." She smiled because she could hear Hanna squealing through the phone line even from across the room. The bashful smile that appeared on Emily's lips as she glanced over at her...was breathtaking.

She bit her lower lip and remembered the way it felt to kiss her for the first time, imaging what the second time would feel like. The way Emily melted into her mouth was something she could never forget or the way Emily clutched at her neck, pulling her closer. All of these thoughts forced her eyes closed so that she could see them like a movie playing out in her mind. The sound of Emily speaking became a jumble of words until all she could hear was just her soft tone in one sweet hum. No distinct clarity or shape of words, just the frequency of her voice like the way you hear wind rustling through trees. It speaks to you with a language of its own and you understand because you can feel it touching you some place deeper and reaching past the dictionary of words you have in your mind. Words aren't needed.

Her hair brushed off her face and pulled her eyes open to see Emily standing beside the bed looking down at her. She smiled and reached for her automatically, pulling her onto the bed beside her.

"How did that go? " she whispered .

Emily smiled and shifted herself onto her stomach next to her, toying with the phone in her hands as she rested on her elbows. "Good. My mom is freaking out but Hanna seemed to care more about Mary and Stella than about me. "

"Mary? Why?" She lifted her head from her arm and pushed herself back on to her elbows too.

"I think Hanna has a little girl crush on her. "

"Well that's the magic of Mary. She's a weakness for everyone at some point that's why she's so good at her job."

Emily laughed and set her phone down on the floor. "I'm learning that. I wouldn't have won that game if she hadn't dropped her cards. "

"Em, Marys a card shark. She doesn't just drop her cards."

Emily squinted her eyes thoughtfully for a moment. "Did she hustle me?"

She laughed now and dropped her head down to the bed, shaking it into the mattress for a moment. "No I think she saved you. Her intention was to make me squirm but when I left the room she didn't have the motivation anymore."

"I'm gonna have to challenge her to a new game." Emily's cheeks blushed as she rested her head down onto her arms. "Why did you leave the room?" She whispered, her eyes were heavy and tired too.

The sleepiness seemed to make it easier for her to tell Emily without hesitating. The peace that floated through her body created a feeling of floating and numbed her mind. "When or if I ever see you in that way I'd rather Mary wasn't in the room."

"But Peter can be there, right?" Emily smiled softly, weakened from being tired.

"Of course!" She agreed, nodding more enthusiastically against the mattress. "Peters a studd."

Emily giggled and buried her face into the bed to stifle the noise. That was sad because she loved Emily's laugh and it was something that should never be hidden or cut short.

Her eyes were failing her with every passing second and Emily seemed to be struggling too. All of her thoughts were becoming a jumbled mess in her head. Well, not a mess exactly. More like a Monet or a Van Gogh of brush strokes. All of them blended together yet each was unique and different in color.

"I didn't braid Ember's hair." She closed her eyes and let the sleep work its way in.

"What do you mean? " Emily whispered, reaching out to take her hand. She could tell without opening her eyes that Emily's were closed too by the way her hand searched until it found what it was looking for.

"I braided yours."

The movement of Emily's body beside her brought her eyes open just in time to see her close in. The heat of her lips pressed in on her and startled every nerve in her body into alertness. She shifted and rolled onto her side to reach Emily better, bringing one hand up to rest behind her ear just as Emily pulled away. Her eyes were struggling to stay open so she forced herself to move, sitting herself up in bed and turning her body around the right way. She reached for Emily's hand and pulled her up to the pillow, laying down and guiding Emily down too. Her arms instantly found her waist and Emily didn't hesitate to bury herself into her shoulder as she snuggled in. She thought kissing Emily had been the best moment of her life but it didn't compare to holding her as she slept pressed against her chest. Kissing her couldn't touch this. She brought her hand slowly from Emily's waist, dragging it up her back and into her hair as she pressed a kiss to the top of her head. The last thing she noticed before her eyes closed were the shallow breaths leaving Emily's lips and the way her hair was so much softer than Ember's could ever be.

"You know me, Em."

* * *

"Emily"

Even in her sleep all she heard was Paige's voice. It was soft and clear, speaking to her the way she always did. Like she was the only person in the world that mattered. During sleep she dreamed about the way Paige kissed her and the way she wrapped her arms around her as she closed her eyes. Even now she could feel the warmth around her shoulders and the scent of musk that clung to her body. Without opening her eyes she could feel Paige's chin resting on the top of her head and her fingers entangled in the hair at the base of her neck, holding her snug against her chest. She could feel the vibration of her voice as she spoke.

"Emily.."

Her name was being whispered yet sleep buried her under a heavy fog. The comfort she found in this girl's arms was beyond peaceful and her body appreciated the calm to the fullest. Even with her voice calling her name her body made no attempts to move. She heard a loud knock echo through the air.

"Holy fucking hell are you serious?" Paige shouted.

She jumped and Paige's hand shot up to shield her ear from the outburst that had left her lips, though the gesture was a little too late. She tilted her head up to look at her in confusion. Curious and amused at the same time as to why she unleashed such choice words. Paige bit her lip apologetically and squeezed her eyes shut.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, looking embarrassed. "Peter likes to bang on doors and I swear I need to actually murder him."

She smiled and wrapped her arm around Paige's waist, pulling herself closer and stretching at the same time as she pressed her body into the warmth of the blue thermal shirt. Only now did she fully notice how beautiful the steel-blue was against the cream of her skin . "Your 'good mornings' are a lot like mine."

"Really? I always saw you as a Cinderella singing to the birds and field mice."

"Are you disappointed?" She chuckled and craned her neck up to meet her chocolate eyes.

"Well.." Paige started. "I was relying on your sunny disposition to counter my morning temper so yeah I'm a little..."

She frowned and dug her fingers into Paige's side, cutting off her words and pulling a laugh from her mouth. "Sunny enough?"

Paige laughed and grabbed her wrist to stop her from tickling any further. Her strength wasn't just mentally or emotionally. She doubly noted Paige's physical strength as she slipped out of her grasp with ease and pinned her down onto the bed. It didn't matter how much she squirmed or fought, which wasn't much, because Paige held her wrists firmly in one hand as she straddled her hips.

"Okay okay, I'm sorry." Paige smiled and brought her free hand up to cup her cheek before leaning in, planting a soft kiss against her lips. "Good morning."

She didn't fight against the hold Paige had on her hands and she released them the second before her lips made contact anyways, no doubtingly giving her the opportunity to stop the kiss and the right to say no. She didn't want to say no and the scent of Paige on her lips was too intoxicating to pass up. Still, the weight of Paige on top of her hips froze every movement in her body. She barely had time to adjust as Paige pulled away and swung her leg over and off the bed in one fluid movement. Like straddling her hips had been necessary to climb over her body as she made her way to the edge. The softest kiss then she was left behind to process it. Her breathing returned and she straightened herself up, biting her lower lip at the way her body craved that weight again. Paige walked over to her closet, smiling to herself as she pulled down a pair of jeans and walked to the bathroom. Her fingers found their way to her lips, tracing lightly over where Paige had been as she looked around the room and down at her plaid pants. A frown tugged at her lips and seeing as her lips were that happiest they had ever been, it wasnt right.

She pushed herself from the bed and walked to the door. Paige was getting dressed and she should probably do the same. The hallway was especially easy to walk down and as she reached her bedroom door she quickly realized why. Her body didn't sway as she reached for the doorknob and there were no moving shadows on the walls. The floor was still beneath her feet. More accurately the ground was still beneath the floor.

She pushed faster into her room and noted the clock on the nightstand and while Paige had given her the best good morning she'd ever had...it wasn't morning anymore. Not even close. The clock read after 3 and the train wasn't moving. She didn't waste time looking out the window, instead she moved quickly to the closet, pulling on a pair of white jeans and her tall black riding boots. As much as Sadie had been disappointed about her saying no to heels she wasn't going to wear anything that could hurt Ember. Flat bottomed boots was the most she'd wear while riding and even the soles on these were thin. The leather was thin too and hugged her calf tightly. Hanna always teased that she was the only person in the world that could pull these boots off and so far...with the way Paige wore her brown pair...it seemed Hanna had been wrong. They looked so much better on Paige. She flipped through the hangers and settled on a black tee-shirt and a white half vest that she loved, leaving it unbuttoned in the front. She couldn't make herself move fast enough and as she combed her fingers through her hair she smiled. The knock on the door told her that Paige had been rushing too.

"I have a surprise for you. " Paige smiled, leaning against the wall the way she leaned against everything, happy and proud and completely at ease. The only thing that failed Paige's composure was the hitch of her breath as her eyes glided over her body. She faltered too as she took in the red thermal clinging to Paige's chest, slightly raised and exposing that beautiful spot on her hip. Maybe it wasn't raised maybe it was just slightly shorter than the others and maybe she should stop over analyzing a fucking shirt and just touch her already. How many thermals does she have?

"How many of those do you have?" She asked, pointing at the deep red fabric.

That question needed to be asked because realistically she should be prepared. If this was gonna be a daily occurrence it would help if she knew it beforehand. The smile on Paige's face told her she knew exactly what the issue was.

"Not nearly enough." Paige shook her head and tugged the red down over her belt. "They're functional and comfortable and I think I have almost every color." The pink on her cheeks said Paige wasn't trying to be distracting but she was also clearly amused that something so simple was becoming such a weakness.

"Are we there already?" She cleared her throat and shifted as she closed her door behind her and stepped fully out into the hallway.

"Umm, yeah." Paige nodded, handing over her phone that she had left in her room. "Apparently we've been here for two hours and everyone is already out on the grounds. Peter got Ember moved out to the stables. I hope that's okay?"

"Yeah of course. " She turned and opened her door again, dropping the phone to the floor just inside before closing it again. She could call her mom later and in the meantime Hanna could pass on the message that everything was okay. There were more important things and the last thing she wanted to do was answer to anyone when she was just getting comfortable answering to herself. "You said everyone is already out there?"

"Yeah, everyone." Paige nodded, smiling as her eyes glided over her body again. She recovered quickly and forced her eyes back up. "Hometown remember? I have a lot to show you but first you should see what the circus looks like at home."

"What does it look like?"

Paige gestured to the side hatch door and pushed her back off the wall as she walked over to it. She followed her, confused and intrigued by her lack of explanation. Paige kicked her boot down on a lever and threw open the door, jumping immediately to the gravel ground and turning to extend her hand up.

"I'll show you." Paige smiled.

She took Paige's hand and jumped down beside her, squinting at the bright sun that seemed to touch everything. It caused a ringing in her ears as her eyes adjusted and her surroundings slowly came into focus. Confusion set in as she stared out into an empty field. Literally miles of nothing. Nothing except gold barley waving as the wind blew through it, reaching high to touch the blue sky. It was beautiful, breathtakingly so, and she would have no problem standing here forever as long as Paige was holding her hand the way she was now. Her eyes couldn't leave the gold ocean in front of her and she couldn't find words to speak. She had lived in Rosewood all of her life and nothing here even came close to resembling it. No rolling green hills or tall overgrown trees. It was perfect and it hurt her to think that... because she knew it wasn't perfect for Paige.

"You're not happy here."

The words left her lips softly and she really hadn't meant to say them. They were a passing thought or simply an observation. A way of her letting it sink into her head that Paige wasn't happy here and that she didn't find much comfort in being back. That they wouldn't be staying. It was clear in the way Paige talked about her hometown outside of Rosewood but she hadn't actually meant to say the words out loud.

"I'm happy right now." Paige said.

She looked over at Paige still staring out at the same sea of gold. There wasnt a smile on her face but there was one in her eyes that spoke honesty to her words. Those chocolate eyes flickered over and met hers, bringing them both out if the moment as Paige moved.

"Okay this field is not what I was referring to. But I'm glad you're easy to impress." Paige chuckled and led the way towards the front of the train. They walked along the left side and crossed to the right around the engine. She kept her eyes cast to the ground, watching each step carefully to avoid tripping over the railing of the tracks. As a person in general she wasn't the most coordinated and while she didn't think Paige would allow her to fall she didn't want to embarrass herself by stumbling over clear and easy obstacles.

"This is what I was referring to."

Her eyes shot up as Paige came to an abrupt stop beside her. The gold field was just a blanket surrounding the true beauty of where they were. The train was stopped on the tracks in front of a small field of green grass but just on the other side, a few hundred feet away, was a mountain of bright red and white candy cane stripes. A three-pointed tent that scraped the sky. It didn't rustle in the breeze like the usual red tent would have, it was much more permanent and fastened down tightly to the ground. A different colored flag blew in the wind at the top of each point, the center being the highest in a bright purple and the smaller flags in red and blue. Her eyes moved slowly to the areas surrounding the tent where smaller ones spaced the grounds. It wasn't at all like the show in Rosewood or Charleston had been. In Charleston the field had been empty upon their arrival but this was already crowed with people. Not as many as there had been for the show itself but still more than just fifty workers.

"Is this here all the time?" She asked, unable to pull her eyes away from the stripes that stood out bold against the blue sky. Beyond the tents there were more buildings. Concrete warehouses probably used for storage and three even larger buildings that a set of tracks ran straight into, likely for the train cars during off-season.

"Yeah this tent stays up." Paige nodded. "We have home shows that are usually bigger than the others. Sometimes if we get to town early we'll have an improv and let crowds sit in on practices and dress rehearsals. It makes up for us not being here all the time and its kind of special for them to see everything behind the scenes."

"So this is where it begins and ends every year? "

"Well it's not ending right now but yeah, this is where we stop when the seasons over. We still have more cities after this though so its kind of a halfway point too but the last part of the season we spend here running shows a couple of times a week. It turns into a carnival basically and we have a lot of vendors travel in for it."

"A carnival?"

"The county fair brings attractions and rides out to the grounds and it becomes a free for all. There's a lot of support from the community here so we run for free the whole time we're here and its our way of giving back."

Paige smiled and looked out at the people walking around the tent. Watching it reflecting in her eyes was unreal because all of this...was her life. All of it made her happy even if being here was hard... she was so happy. The image of the tent belonged only to the brown of her eyes. She owned it completely, in every way that she could and it would always be found there. It was everything her family had created and it was everything she carried on perfectly with the people around her. It was beautiful.

"Can you show me?"

Paige lit up as she ducked her head to nod. "Yeah, of course. "

It was easy to see how proud she was of everything she had in front of her. Paige didn't take it for granted, she was humbled to have a life she loves. Its hard when you see someone so happy in their surroundings and then you think about the fact that they were willing to give it all up for you. Even though she wouldn't have allowed it...it made her want to be a person that deserved that kind of sacrifice from the girl holding her hand. It made her want to always be better. She didn't know much of anything about the girl that gave Paige up but she knew just from the last few days of being with her...that Cassie was an idiot. She loved Cassie for being an idiot.

Paige held her hand lightly and led the way around colored tents, tracing gentle circles over her knuckles with her thumb. There was a main pathway lined with the smaller tents on both sides and at the end was the opening to the big top. Every color and every type of fabric. Her favorite by far was a coral pink striped in light blue and that was due in large part to the fact that cotton candy hung from racks all around it. The one next to it was a bright sunny yellow with orange polka dots and a sign for lemonade.

"Oh shit!" Paige whispered and stopped in her tracks, releasing her hand with a heavy sigh.

"What?" She followed her gaze ahead of them and scanned her eyes around, searching for the problem. There didn't appear to be anything out of the ordinary. A few workers bustled around and mother walked with a little girl but other than that only a handful of people were nearby. All of the tents were lined perfectly and surely Paige wasn't crazy strict about the sign on the hot dog stand being a little crooked. Nothing was wrong. She turned to look at Paige but she wasn't there anymore. The space in the grass beside her was empty and as she turned around in all directions...Paige was gone. She stepped out of the way as the woman and little girl passed by.

"I saw her!" The girl giggled quietly to her mom who smiled back.

She watched the girl curiously in her little lavender dress, skipping as she held her mom's hand. The light purple made her skin glow and little white ballet flats patted through the soft grass. She was tiny, maybe four with a head full of perfect dark ringlets pulled back into a small pony-tail.

Paige appeared at her side again and made her jump but she held her finger to her lips to silence the questions forming in her throat. Her eyes were focused on the little girl walking away and she moved slowly and quietly, sneaking up behind her. The tilt of the mother's head said that she knew Paige was there but the little girl was oblivious.

"Molly!"

Paige made the girl jump and turn around with a smile on her face and she didn't hesitate to scoop her up in her arms and spin her around through the air. She smiled at how tiny Molly was in Paige's arms and how she laughed and held her tightly.

"I knew I saw you!" Molly had a proud smile as Paige kissed her cheek and set her back down to the grass.

"That's because you have really good eyes." Paige smiled, crouching down to her height. "Where's your brother? Did you see him?"

"In the tent with my mom." Molly smiled and hugged her waist. "Syd is taking me for ice cream."

"Are you gonna bring me some?" Paige asked. "Because its been a long time since I had any and I could use some...strawberry. Are you having strawberry? "

"Nope." Molly shook her head proudly and sealed her lips.

"Chocolate?" Paige asked. Molly shook her head again and rocked on her heels like she was fighting to keep quiet and struggling to keep from laughing. Paige smiled and sighed lightly. "You'll bring me some peppermint right?"

Molly giggled and smiled. "If I don't eat it all."

Paige looked over at her from where they stood a few feet away and she hadn't realized that her body had been frozen in place just watching. She moved herself forward and stopped at Paige's side. Her heart was warmed just by seeing Molly hugging Paige's legs but the smiled on her Paige's lips right now...was beautiful.

"Emily this is Sydney, she works over in the administration office and handles business while we're gone."

"Nice to meet you." She reached out and shook Sydney's hand.

"Pleasure." Sydney was similar in age to Peter with short frizzy red hair and artsy little glasses hanging from a beaded chain. She resembled the eccentric aunt everyone always had in movies.

"And this is Miss Molly." Paige smiled

She smiled at the little girl and crouched down to her height like Paige had. She had worked with a lot of kids at the stables that would come for riding classes. With her dark curls Molly had rosy cheeks and the brightest familiar green eyes.

"How old are you Molly?" She asked. Molly looked up at Paige bashfully and then back at her but she didn't answer. She seemed to like playing games.

"Okay I'll guess." She threw her hands up in mock defeat. "Thirteen?" Molly smiled and cupped her hand over her mouth to stifle and giggle. "No? Twenty-four? Are you older than me?"

"Five!" Molly laughed.

"Five? See I was thinking at least ten." She smiled as Molly got the proudest smile on her face. "Peppermint is my favorite too."

"Well let's get going before its gone!" Sydney smiled and began leading Molly away. "It was nice meeting you Emily."

she smiled and waved a hand. "You too."

"Bye Paigey!" Molly waved but Paige just shook her head in disbelief.

"You know Mary calls me that now! Its your fault!" Molly just giggled and skipped beside Sydney as they walked away.

"Okay, she's adorable."

Paige turned to her and smiled as she rolled her eyes lightly. "Mischief runs in her family. Now to find her brother." She sighed and started the walk again towards the big top and she followed by her side.

"You're really good with her." She noted

"Kids kind of come with the job and Molly is always around when we're here so she's my little Ringmaster." Paige looked over and met her eyes. "You're good with her too."

"The stables." She stated, picking at her fingernail as they walked past the colored tents. "We offered riding classes for kids."

Paige nodded with an impressed smile. "Nice."

The inside of the big top was dim with only faint light bleeding through the white stripes. The red stripes were completely solid and cast shadowed lines over the arena. The same three rings were snapped into place though they were a bit more intricate and heavy-duty. The same red and white stripes as the others but these were carved with gold swirls around the edges. The stands were also more solid and reached higher with an additional number of rows and cushioned flip-seats. The biggest difference she noticed was the ground. The stands were built into concrete yet the dirt track was still circling the rings and inside of the rings was the same perfect grass as outside. It felt like being inside a botanical garden. The grass was real and yet protected from the outside elements aside from the sunlight that seeped through.

"Riley!" Paige called out.

Her eyes moved in the direction Paige was looking, towards the left side of the dirt track. Riley was running steel piping into a spare section of barrier about three feet high, feeding it into an opening across the top. He looked up when his name was called and she noticed Mary sitting on the half-wall beside him, picking at a bagel in her hand. A woman stood next to her and chatted her up while she clearly was in 'smile and nod' mode.

"What's up McCullers?" He shouted, adjusting the leather gloves on his hands. As they approached him the similarities were uncanny.

"Miss Molly is as beautiful as ever." Paige smiled and Riley's bright green eyes twinkled.

Mary smiled too and looked at Paige. "She's gonna have my job someday."

"No!" Paige and Riley echoed each other and shook their heads firmly. Paige didn't speak further on the subject, she let big brother Riley step up."

"Mar with the things you do I'd never let Molly consider your job."

"You like the things I do." Mary pointed out.

"I do. But can we not discuss this in front of my mother?" Riley's cheeks flushed but the damage was done.

The woman turned to Mary with a serious frown on her face, her dark hair pulled into a tight bun that made her look all kinds of strict. She was probably a year or two younger than Peter and that may have been an insult to her because she barely looked old enough to be Riley's mother. Riley and Molly clearly got their eyes from her and at the moment they were very intense.

"Is he not doing right by you, Hun?" She snapped.

That wasn't at all what she expected this woman to say. Standing next to Mary who was wearing jeans that were ripped up her thighs and patched with red lace and a black corset that was...well.. tight. Mary didn't seem surprised by her question but Riley looked absolutely betrayed. Paige on the other hand was settling herself in for an amusing show. She leaned into the half-wall beside Mary and rested her head in her hands as she smiled. She rested herself against the wall too and watched as shock appeared on Riley's face.

"Mom!"

"What? If you're gonna be fondling her goods, like I've seen, you need to marry her."

Mary smiled and didn't hesitate to give him a hard time. "Yeah Riley...marry me."

"Don't encourage her." Riley's eyes widened as he pointed a finger at Mary.

"She's got good genes." His mom pointed out.

"Awe thanks. They're a little ripped actually." Mary picked sadly at a tear in the denim on her thigh and Riley's mom chuckled.

"You're twenty-five years old Riley. Its time to make an honest woman out of yourself!" Paige laughed.

"Funny Paige! Shes twenty-six so tell her that!" Riley pointed, casting the blame on Mary.

Paige crinkled her eyebrows in confusion as she stared at him. "Mary's not twenty-six."

"Yes she is!" Riley insisted.

"Noooo, she joined when she was twenty-five...almost five years ago." Paige frowned.

"No she joined when she was twenty-one...almost five years ago." He retorted, crossing his arms over his chest and holding his ground.

Paige looked over at Mary with disbelieving eyes. "Seriously? I saw your Id card."

"I needed a fake card to work at that bar when I started there." Mary shrugged with a smile.

"But after you were legal why would you keep the fake?" Paige crossed her arm and shook her head lightly.

Mary pondered this question and shrugged sarcastically as she smiled, amused with how confused Paige looked at the moment. "Old habit? I had a few of them." She laughed.

"I feel scammed." Paige sighed and shook her head while Mary reached over and rubbed her back soothingly.

"Look at it this was Paige...these just have that much more life left in them." Mary cupped her breasts and smiled.

"Marry her, Riley. " His mother stressed as she nudged her shoulder playfully into Mary's. It was easy to see that she adored her.

Mary sighed when Riley gave her a pointed look. "It's not his fault Mrs. B, I'm not the marrying type."

"You need to appreciate the good girl you have, Riley." Riley's mom shook her head and looked at her son.

"Woooow good?" Paige smirked, her head darting between Mary and Riley. "I love you guys."

"Its true." Mary sighed, absent-mindedly smacking Paige in the shoulder. "He's really not very appreciative of my good genes."

Riley pointed his finger at Mary again as a smiled tugged at his lips. "Stop!"

He turned back to the pipe he was shaping in his hands and Mary flipped him off, throwing her bagel at the back of his head. She has really good aim.

"Fuck Mar!" Riley rubbed the back of his head.

"You can do that later." Mary teased.

"Watch your mouth Riley!" His mom shouted.

"Yeah, don't fucking cuss in front of your mother!" Mary smiled proudly and brushed her hands together, crossing them over her chest as she burned into him with her ice blue eyes.

She was beginning to feel bad for Riley. Everyone seemed to put him in his place though, he didn't seem to mind too terribly much.

"I wanna show you something." Paige whispered, shaking her head at her little group of misfits and pushing herself up off the wall.

She looked back at Mary who smiled lightly, her eyes soft as they flickered away and she picked at the tear on her jeans before they went back to watching Riley. Something inside of her wanted to hug Mary but she couldn't pinpoint the exact reason. Maybe it was the fact that she had thrown the card game and spared her from having to strip completely and had done it in a way that didn't make her the one chickening out. Even though she had thought about it Mary took that responsibility on herself. Maybe it was also the way she watched Riley working. Something about the way that even though he was engrossed in boring manual labor, she still sat close by. She could say is was because of those things but in reality it was probably something else. Paige had kissed her years ago and yet Mary still played a huge role in the family of the show. A protector almost of anyone that needed it. Mary proved it last night when she stepped up to Sadie for how her and Ember's performance should look. She even defended her voice when Paige didn't want her to play that game. Mary knew it wasn't Paige's choice and it was nice to have support from people that barely knew her. She definitely owed several hugs to this girl.

Paige led her to a table nearby that was spread with different foods. From sandwiches to donuts and a variety of bottled drinks. Paige reached for a bagel and packet of cream cheese and began spreading it on.

"Riley's mom seems to really like her." She pointed out, grabbing a bagel from the plate too. "I mean I like Mary too but that surprised me a little."

"I know right?!" Paige smiled. "We all love Mary but aren't moms supposed to be protective of their sons?"

"It seems like Riley enjoys being bossed around."

"Yeah he's always been like that." Paige grabbed a bottle of orange juice and offered her one too. "Little Molly owns him."

She smiled. "How long have they been together? Riley and Mary?"

"Off and on since she joined. So...five years." Paige sighed heavily.. "I can't believe she lied about her age. Aren't women supposed to say they're younger than they really are?"

"I was more curious about how old she was when she started working at that bar."

"Wow, yeah good point." Paige furrowed her eyebrows and bit into her bagel.

"Sixteen." Mary smiled, appearing at her side and throwing an arm over her shoulder. "I didn't look sixteen."

"Lucky. I worked at a coffee shop." A smile tugged at her lips because Paige was frowning at Mary's arm wrapped comfortably around her and that frown told her that she wanted to take Mary's place.

"Can we keep Emily? I didn't like Cassie very much...but I like her." Mary sighed.

"_I_ would like to keep her. _You_ should be slapped for using Emily's name in the same train of thought as Cassie's."

"Hey, _I_ put a question mark between them. _You_ just used them in the same sentence" Mary retorted, squeezing her shoulder before releasing her and stepping forward to grab another bagel from the plate. She hesitated with her hand hovering over an apple. "Is an apple too hard to throw at Riley's face?"

"And you think glass bottles are what? Soft little teddy bears?" Paige smiled.

"Good point." Mary smiled. "Go get 'em, tiger!" She slapped Paige's ass as she walked away, tossing the apple lightly into the air and catching it.

"I've told you that I like her, right?"

"Yes and I fear for your life more every time." Paige chuckled, rubbing her hand over where Mary had made contact. "And I'm the one that gets slapped."

She smiled and focused on finishing the bagel in her hand instead of Paige's hand placement at the moment. It was suddenly her new favorite. "So what did you want to show me?"

Paige twisted the lid back on her orange juice, setting it down to the table before leading her through the back curtain and outside. She squinted as the bright sunlight touched her eyes and it took a moment for them to adjust. The area to their right was a series of concrete buildings and a parking lot with a few semi trucks parked in front.

"Those are the warehouses where we store everything during the off-season. And this.. " Paige pointed over to the left. "Is where the animals are housed."

The building was large and covered in raw wood siding, backed up to at least 10 acres of fenced-in field. One side was a closed in habitat and from here it was unclear how large it was.

"Is this where Ember is?"

"And Stella." Paige smiled. "Not together of course. Ember already kicked Riley's ass and I don't want Stella getting hurt."

"She's a tiger!" She eyed Paige skeptically and refrained from shoving her. That could quickly become annoying.

"She's a baby!" Paige argued. "Ember could easily take her."

"She's not a baby she's exactly like you!"

"I'm a baby." Paige protested. "And do you think Ember isn't like you?"

"He's not."

"He is." Paige shot, stopping outside of the stable door. "He's exactly like you."

"Stella is exactly like you except that you like the orange skittles. Who likes orange skittles the best?"

"I do." Paige smiled proudly. "And yes, Stella is exactly like me I promise. Thats my point. Throw her in a ring with Ember and she wouldn't make it."

"A horse and a tiger? We're having this argument right now? Seriously?"

Paige chuckled and shook her head in disbelief." Ember is smart. He's spiritual without even trying to be. He knows how to make you feel what he's feeling and his empathy for what's around him is unbelievable even though it's clearly not asked of him. He knows what he wants and he's not afraid to fight for it. He's graceful and beautiful in such a natural and effortless way."

Everything Paige was trying to say sunk in all at once and she knew she had lost. Paige was letting her know how much of a hold she had on her without having realized it. Paige was saying that she would surrender everything and she accepted defeat without fail because in her eyes...it wasn't really defeat. It was a everything. She'd never had anyone see her the way Paige saw her. Nobody had ever thought of her in such an ethereal light. Her throat tightened.

"Yeah but Stella..."

Paige threw her hands up and let them fall heavily to her sides. "Is this how you're going to take every compliment I give you? Your fight right now...is proving my point."

"Are you complimenting me or my horse?"

Paige's eyes flickered down her lips as she stepped forward and cupped her cheek, tilting her head and bringing the heat of her mouth down on her. She brought her hands up instantly to Paige's neck, not realizing until now how much she missed this new thing they shared together. She hadn't realized how much she was missing it like air in her lungs and how every second without it she felt like she was holding her breath, minutes passing by slowly until she could feel Paige against her lips.

Paige pulled away slightly and smiled, immediately pressing a soft kiss to her lips one more time. "I'm complimenting you."

"Well you could have just said that." She breathed, resting their foreheads together.

"Oh and Ember is extremely stubborn. I forgot that part." This time she didn't hesitate to shove Paige. She stumbled back and smiled as she reached for the doorknob. "And pushy." Paige sang, smiling as she held the wooden door open for her.

* * *

Emily sighed as she stepped inside the stable with a blush on her cheeks that was beyond beautiful. The smile on Emily's face as she took in her surroundings was the Emily from seven years ago.

The inside of the stable was large in comparison to Rosewood's and part of that was because they housed more than just show animals at different times of the year. During off-season they would board horses and assist with training or breaking them for owners. Riding classes where offered sometimes but mostly just training. If the Bakers down the street were leaving town for the holidays they would bring their horses here to use the facilities and the corrals. Really it was just a way of filling time when the show was closed down and keeping stable hands hired on through the year by giving them work if they wanted it.

The left side of the building was lined with empty stalls and the right was simply a solid wood beam wall with several steel doors. She knew Emily wanted to see Ember but first there was something else she wanted to show her. She walked over to a door and pulled it open.

"Do you wanna see the other tigers?" She asked, pulling Emily's eyes from the stalls and high beamed ceilings as she nodded.

"Yes!" She smiled and walked over as she held the door open for her.

"I mean...you'll probably want to reassure Hanna that they haven't starved to death."

"You heard that?" Emily blushed and shook her head lightly.

She thought back to the night before, well, the early hours of that morning actually. The conversation Emily had with Hanna was foggy in her mind but something about the tigers starving stood out to her memory and made her laugh.

"Yes and I have no idea way she would think that."

Emily stepped through the door and sighed before a proud grin worked its way across her lips. "You mean I have information that you don't already know?"

"That's weak." She pointed out accusingly. "How could I possibly know anything about how Hanna's head works, aside from the bat shit crazy part?"

Emily sighed again and rolled her eyes. "She thinks you'll forget to feed them if I'm here distracting you."

She furrowed her eyebrows and stopped just inside the door, her eyes falling on the supply room and the steel refrigerators that held a large supply of raw meats.

"For once Hanna says something that makes sense. Lets go see Ember." She turned back to push through the door again but Emily grabbed her arm and laughed.

"Feed them." She urged

"Okay okay." she sighed, biting back her grin and managing to keep a straight face while Emily smiled and shook her head.

She walked over to the large refrigerator next to a door with an electronic padlock and pulled out five large stacks of meat. Mostly beef roasts because they enjoyed tearing away at them slowly but she usually tossed in a few raw chickens too. She dropped the packages down to the shiny metal counter top and glanced at Emily. Part of her was expecting Emily to be a little grossed out but she quickly scolded herself for thinking that because of course Emily would be standing by with genuine interest in her eyes. She took everything in stride.

"Can I help?" She asked, stepping closer and reaching for a full chicken.

"You don't have to." She assured, pulling the meat from the plastic wrapping and dropping it into a large sink.

She smiled lightly when Emily dropped the chicken into the sink and started the water to rinse the cuts of meat. There was something extremely sexy about the way she didn't hesitate to get her hands dirty.

"So how many tigers do you have?"

She dropped the last pack into the sink and grabbed a large bowl from a shelf above her head. "Three including Stella. She's the youngest. Its hard when we're away so much because a lot of our staff is gone so we usually board the other two at preserve across town until we're back. Peter usually calls ahead to get them back over here."

"Where is Peter?"

"He's probably wherever Sydney is. Those two have had their little secret romance for years. Its cute." She dropped the hunks off meat into the bowl and looked at Emily.

"That's good. I mean Mary and Riley have each other but hes the only one that seems kind of alone."

She smiled at Emily's hidden words. At how Peter was the _only_ one that didn't have someone."He's not alone. He has us but he's also a pretty simple person. He likes the solitude of traveling with the show and I've already told him he can stay here when he wants to but he doesn't." She pumped soap into her hands and washed them, sliding over so that Emily could do the same.

"He said he wasn't much of anyone before he joined the show but he seems happy so that's good."

"He said that?" She grabbed the bowl from the counter and kept her eyes away from Emily, focusing on the buttons on the padlocked door. It was one thing for her to tell Emily about Mary and Riley coming into her life but Peter...his reason happened when she was so young that she had only heard the story and it left her in no position to talk about it. The light turned green on the lock and she tugged it open, holding it for Emily as she slipped inside.

"Yeah he did." Emily nodded quickly, seemingly oblivious to the half-hearted question and that was mostly due to her taking in a new set of surroundings.

The room was small and concrete with a single bench row and a few random items. A few large rubber balls and some empty buckets that the tigers liked playing with. One wall was a complete floor to ceiling glass window and another door on the far wall mirror the one they had just come through.

"That door over there is unlocked from this side and theres a section of amphitheatre seating. The outside door stays unlocked and guests can come watch them through the window when they're here."

"So Hanna was kinda right about the 'we bought a zoo' business." Emily mumbled and smiled as she peaked through the window into the habitat.

"What?"

"When we were driving to the fairgrounds to catch you she mentioned that movie and the tiger. She kind of used the zoo as a comparison for the show. This is bigger than a zoo enclosure."

"And again just when I think shes made progress she goes right back to making no sense at all." She chuckled and Emily's smile widened as she shook her head in disbelief. "There's no comparison, the circus is so much better than a zoo."

"I think so too."

She let Emily continue watch through the window as she punched in another combination on a steel door and stepped out into the habitat. It was roughly the size of a football field and completely enclosed. Aside from the two fenced walls the other two were glass. One for the amphitheatre viewing and one for where Emily was standing at the moment. The entire area was enclosed above also. Rope netting hung high above and half of that was covered in screens to offer shade from the sun. This was easily five times larger than most zoo exhibits.

Dropping the bowl to the ground she whistled and stepped back. Stella was the first to appear out of the thick vegetation. Her fur clean and bright against the green shoots of bamboo and the tall ferns. The other two, Harley and Chloe appeared a few seconds later on top of a 10 foot high rock platform, their orange coats vibrant against blue sky. Harley was the male and the oldest and both him and Chloe had only been with them for half of their lives. They didn't have the chance to raise them like she had with Stella and the main reason they were here was for limited performance time during home shows or if they needed a replacement for Stella for any reason. They were rescued and enjoyed their lazy lifestyle.

She stepped back again as they picked their cuts of meat, crinkling her eye brows when something was missing from the picture. Harley went for the chicken and Chloe tried to steal it but...a paw hit her hard in the butt, tugging down at the waist of her jeans and making her step forward involuntarily. She turned to see Stella sitting behind her patiently with her claws extended and frozen in mid-air, like a child caught in the act of hitting a sibling.

"You don't get to do that until you take me on a date." She frowned and pulled her pants up a little higher as Stella chuffed at her, keeping her eyes focused on her back pocket. "Fine, but you owe me a rain check for dinner and a movie." She reached into her pocket and held out a few skittles. Stella didn't hesitate to snag them up and then immediately focused her attention on the meat like she was late to the party. If it meant candy then Stella was fine with that.

"Okay, now Ember?" She smiled and pulled the steel door shut behind her, making sure the padlock light blinked to red.

Emily chuckled and turned away from the window. "She's insanely cute."

"Yes she's very charming." She added sarcastically, leading the way back into the supply room.

She stopped by the sink again to wash her hands one more time before turning to the second refrigerator in the room and retrieving two apples. It was becoming a natural habit to bring Ember apples and she felt bad for not bringing him one the night before but her mind and body had been focused on other things. Her eyes flickered to Emily's lips as they stepped back out to the row of stalls. She felt insatiable like no matter how many times she kissed Emily it would never be enough. Part of that was due to all of the empty years that she had thought about kissing her. Sometimes as a New Years resolution she would tell herself that this was the year she would do it but it was always just a tease to make herself feel better. In reality she had been miles away from Emily by land and even further from her when it came to everything that mattered. She hadn't done that in years. How many times had she kissed Emily now? Just a few minutes ago outside...short but tender. She could just barely make out the cinnamon and sugar on her lips from the bagel she had eaten. The quick 'good morning' kiss that was perfect and happy. The kiss goodnight that Emily had given her that was soft and flaming. Then the moment when her entire world had shifted and the ground began really moving beneath her body. The moment when everything she wanted was suddenly at the tip of her lips. Emily's shirt bunched in her fingers as she pulled her closer and the way Emily had breathed everything she had left into her mouth. The way Emily whimpered across her tongue. Four kisses and a million too few. There would never be enough but there was no distance between them now. There was nothing but time.

She met her eyes briefly and cleared her throat, pulling her eyes back to the long corridor of horse stalls. All of them where empty now except for a few at the end.

"We have the ponies down here too but Ember has his own space."

"He's probably just happy to be on solid ground again so I don't think he cares too much." Emily chuckled lightly and reached automatically for her hand.

She had to do a double take because for some reason it still seemed so unreal that Emily was actually here with her. All of her hesitation for being home was replaced with a palpable calm in the air that was repeatedly coursing through her body. Running into someone she didn't want to see was the furthest thing from her mind because nothing mattered with Emily standing beside her. Just Emily. No, not 'just'...there's nothing 'just' about her. Everything Emily. She's everything.

She stopped in front of an empty stall and smiled when Emily furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. Instead of paying attention to it she opened the gate and stepped inside then moved through an open archway leading out outside. The sun made her squint but her eyes adjust quickly to the flash of black and fire running through a sea of gold. She looked at Emily and the amazed smile on her face.

"He definitely looks happy to be on solid ground." She agreed, watching the way Emily struggled to speak.

She brought her fingers to her lips and whistled, bringing Ember to a halt in the field and snapping his eyes to Emily. He began a faster sprint in their direction and the sunlight caught onto the red in his hair. She hadn't thought of it before but the color was a blend of Emily's and her own in some ways. The raven with accents of flame. Just a little nonsense thought that made her smile.

Ember stopped beside Emily and nudged into her arms. They wrapped instantly around his neck as Emily pressed her cheek against his, running her fingers lightly down the velvet of his neck as her eyes closed. She felt the urge to close her own eyes to mask the sting forming behind them from seeing Emily so at peace...so happy. Emily was okay now.

Ducking her head with a smile she took a step back. Something about watching Emily like this with him made her feel intrusive on their moment. The way you see two people in love whispering in each others ear. Its beautiful and it makes you smile but you can't stare. Its their moment, not yours.

"Is your bike around?" Emily whispered, pulling her from her thoughts to see that Emily was watching her, reaching for her and welcoming her into their moment. "We should ride."

Her fingers slipped into Emily's outstretched hand as she stepped closer again, bringing her other hand up to feed Ember the apples. "It's probably in the warehouse with the truck and the cars."

"Cars?"

"Yeah, normal modes of transportation during off season. We store them inside the warehouses when we're gone. Riley has a vintage Cougar that's quite literally his baby. There's only one thing he loves more."

"Mary?"

"Of course Mary. I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same way but honestly Riley was kind of a punk as a teenager so I love Mary for keeping him in check."

"I don't know, she might feel the same way." Emily's eyes were soft as planted a light kiss to Ember's cheek.

She swallowed hard and focused on the apple he was finishing off, immediately offering him the second one. "Yeah, she might."

"So what do you drive?" Emily asked, smiling at Ember. "I clearly drive a horse but a tiger would be tricky and I can't imagine you riding the bike in the winter."

"The truck is mine. Sometimes I steal Riley's car just out of spite." She chuckled, dropping her arm from Ember's hair and stepped back a few feet to pull the radio from her back pocket. "Peter?"

Static sounded for a few seconds before giggling replaced it. "What Paige?" Peter laughed again but there was a second voice in the background giggling too.

She squinted her eyes and gave Emily a wary look. "Is my bike in the hanger?"

When more giggles sounded through the speaker she sighed heavily and shook her head. "No look behind you."

She glanced over her shoulder and caught sight of the red paint leaning against the wood siding. "Thanks but just know that you're creepy."

"You're just predictable." Peter laughed

"I might be predictable but you are too. Tell Sydney I'll talk to her tomorrow. I missed her call yesterday."

Peter and Sydney laughed again as she shut the radio off completely. She shook her head quickly before any mental images could work their way in. Emily's eyebrows were raised at her as she smiled.

"You're right, he doesn't sound too alone."

"Lets just leave it at 'he's not alone'. Please?"

Emily ducked her headed and nodded, biting back the smile on her lips. She turned from her and walked over to the red bike, grunting slightly as she pulled the heavy metal up from the siding and used her back muscles to push it forward to where Emily and Ember were waiting. They walked over to a small gate that Emily pushed open, allowing her to push the bike through first.

"I'm not gonna let you win this time." She smiled.

"I don't expect you to." Emily shot back, clicking her tongue and bringing Ember down to his knees.

Emily hesitated inside of the fence, watching her as she threw her leg over the seat of the bike and balanced it between her legs. There were questions in her eyes that stopped her hand short of the button on the handle bars.

"What's wrong?" She asked, letting her hand fall to her lap instead.

Emily turned to Ember and whispered something softly then patted his neck as she moved away from him, closing the gate behind her and stopping by her side. Her throat tightened as Emily swung her leg over the seat and settled down behind her.

"Nothing's wrong." Emily whispered.

Her body tensed slightly when Emily's hands toyed with the hem of her shirt on her lower back. She smiled and flipped the switch then shifted up off the seat and away from Emily's hands to slam her boot down, bringing the engine to life. Emily jumped and as she rested back into the seat, arms wrapped around her waist and a chin moved to her shoulder. She could feel every ounce of heat from Emily's body burning into her back as she held onto her.

"Sorry Ember, its my turn." She smiled as she looked over at him grazing lazily and it widened because she could feel the vibration against her back as Emily laughed.

Tapping her boot down she released her grip on the clutch, lifting her foot from the ground as the bike shot forward on a narrow path towards the tracks. Her destination was clear in her mind. She knew exactly where she wanted to take Emily and why. To the place that lit up her eyes and took her breath away. The bike plowed over the railroad tracks and the tires dug into the gravel on the other side briefly before it turned in to hard packed dirt. Both sides of the path were bordered by the gold fields of barley that had made Emily smile and she wanted to surround her with them.

She smiled when she felt Emily press her face into her blowing hair, breathing deeply into her neck for a moment before returning her chin to her shoulder and tightening her arms around waist. She tapped her foot into the highest gear and let the gold fields turn into a blur around them, pulling the air from her lungs and a gasp from Emily's lips that reached no further than her ears. A gasp and that the whole world was oblivious to. The world didn't get to hear it. They weren't privy to the beauty of it and they didn't get to touch this.

This was _their_ moment.

* * *

_I rolled the apple between my hands and glanced over my shoulder briefly to see the smile on Paige's face as she disappeared through the curtain with Emily. Its nice to see her smiling like that and its been too damn long. By the time I reach the half-wall separating the stands Riley's mom is grabbing her purse from the ground and smiling at me._

_"I'm gonna track down Molly." She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a hug. " I'm happy you guys are home but I wish it was for longer."_

_"Me too, Mrs. B." I smile at her because I can see how hard it is for Riley to always be away. "We might manage to pull out an improv tomorrow so stay close and spread the word. Molly would love it."_

_"Of course she would." She smiled, taking a step back. "Its been almost a year since she saw the show."_

_"Hows she been doing?"_

_Molly was sick last year with a throat infection that turned into a rheumatic fever caused by strep. They gave her routine antibiotics but they didn't work and she developed rheumatic heart disease from the high fever. The prognosis was good but the whole experience was scary and now Molly was watched closely for signs of a returning infection or damage to her heart caused by the ordeal. I could joke all day about Molly having my job because she adores watching me and the girls practice but in truth I'd never allow it either. This role isn't right for a girl with so much potential._

_"She's good. So far there hasn't been any signs of a murmur and nothing to suggest that she'll get sick again, but we're watching her."_

_"Of course." I nodded in agreement. "That's great though because now I'll make sure we have an improv for her."_

_"You're sweet." She wrapped her arms around me again and then turned to Riley, still working away on the section of barrier. "Riley, you've got a good thing here."_

_"I know mom." Riley mumbled, unable to pull his eyes away from the screw he was drilling into the metal. Mrs. Brennan shook her head lightly and smiled at me one more time before making her way through the exit._

_Riley smiled and dropped the drill to the ground the second she was out of sight and walked over to me. "Are you trying to get me in trouble? She just wants grandkids."_

_"And there's no fucking way that she's getting any from me so go find somebody else."_

_"What? My Irish mixed with your Irish-Italian?"_

_"We'd have a bunch of little hot-headed pricks and there's already plenty of those in the world. Plus I love my job too much and I'm not going to shorten the life of these." I grabbed my chest and made him smile which was probably a bad move on my part because now he's giving me that cocky look of his._

_"I definitely would never ask you to do that so no worries there." A hand went forcefully to my hip, making me flinch and smile as he stepped closer. I brought my hands to the belt through his jeans and tugged him closer, grazing my fingertips over the flat of his stomach. He reached in and brushed my hair from my neck with his other hand and the second it was exposed to him...his mood shifted from playful to sensitive and that's where I lose it every time. Maybe he likes the way it makes me seem more vulnerable every time he does this... but I don't. I never have the heart to tell him that I don't like it, because in truth I'm really just lying to myself, but I do have the strength in me to show him._

_"Work!" I growl, pushing him away by his hips before his lips can make contact as I tousled my hair round my shoulder again. The pout on his lips had me pulling back my arm to throw the apple but it's also the fake pout that makes me hesitate because it's just a front for how he's really feeling._

_He sighed in defeat and went back to work because he knows better than to push. When I say 'no' its no and that's oddly enough a big part of my problem. Mrs. Brennan thinks I hung the stars in Riley's eyes and saved him from a future life of crime but that's complete bullshit. Tossing fire in a circus does not mean future arsonist and she's so wrong about me and Riley. She has our roles reversed in her mind and while I have to say that I love her so much...she just really has no idea how wrong she is and I'll tell you why. I'm really not the type of girl that a mother should want for her son in fact I'm the girl parents warn their sons of. While that's always been the sad truth for me, it also goes back to when I met Paige and the final moment when my idea of logic became so fucked up. At least I can admit it to myself but it doesn't change anything._

_When Cassie left some of the fight was gone in Paige. Not the 'Paige' fight that we know and love but something far more subtle and important. They'd been struggling for a few weeks by the time Cassie left though it could have been longer. Paige didn't talk about it much which was incredible to her strength as a person and at the same time just incredibly hard for me and everyone left around her to watch. It was either the way she knew so quickly that she deserved better or maybe it was that she had given up completely. I personally don't know much about them as a couple other than what I saw and I've had years to forget it regardless. Whatever went on between them was Paige's attempt at trying to find happiness. She's not the type to invest herself in an empty relationship and when she gives she gives everything. I know they were together for at least a year because I know Paige created the game with her when she was seventeen. I know that Paige was eighteen when I joined the group and Cassie was a year older. Their age difference was nothing and Paige was happy but the difference in their levels of maturity was obvious. Paige seemed to at least have that upper hand. Cassie had joined the group straight out of high school but the only thing I really know about her was that like many teenage girls she had family issues. Doesn't everyone at some point? Call my parents. Oh wait, what parents? Remember when I said my parents never bought me a horse? Well that's true. Not one out of twelve parents bought me anything that was truly mine. I was moved through a beautiful system._

_Anyways, Cassie was the lead in burlesque and at eighteen that made her sort of a legend and insanely good at what she did. Maybe too good but she and Paige seemed to really click though Cassie never really sat right with me. Again I can't judge too much because I didn't invest any of my time in trying to get to know her and when we weren't performing we spent every waking moment avoiding each other or verbally slapping each other into the ground. She was threatened by me for the job and at some point she became threatened by me when it came to Paige. Innocent as it was... Paige was my concern seeing as she was the unattended teenage daughter of my boss and I could see more than her parents could because I was closer. With the way she lacked companionship from kids her age it was easy to see the temptation of Cassie because she was the closest to her in that sense and I worried about her. I only had a few months to witness their relationship and that was possibly why Paige never talked to me about it but it was clear from what I saw that there was something not working. Paige was upset the night she found me and kicked that asshole to ground. Maybe Cassie had something to do with why I was offered a job so quickly but I didn't care because I needed something else the same way Paige seemed to be searching. Luckily I didn't need to rely on Cassie to teach me anything because I was already better than she was. That came from experience not just luck of good genes, which I have all on my own. 'Thanks mom and dad whoever you are.' Cassie was still a kid and she acted like a spoiled kid doing grown-up things. Paige was the shining example of how a kid could try to turn into a grown up over night and it was mostly due to the way she had been affected by Cassie. The epitome of strength though it was laced in denial._

_A few days after Cassie left I still remember the knock on my bedroom door. It was three in the morning and Riley had returned to his room a few hours earlier so I was expecting it to be him again. When I opened the door my eyes fell on Paige, the broken look in her eyes and the way her body swayed slightly. My heart stopped because it broke from the realization that came with her being outside of my door. It meant Cassie was really gone and Paige no longer felt like she had someone to turn to and that was crushing. I probably should have known why she was there but my mind never went there. Call me naïve or completely in denial but Paige was always so strong and seeing her broken was the most disorienting thing in the world. It shattered every piece of my resolve to see her like that and when I reached my hand to her, offering some type of support to keep her from falling, she moved so much faster._

_The sway of her body didn't affect the precision of her footing. Her hands went to my hips and pushed me back against the door and her lips found mine. I gasped. The shock and confusion of what was happening... was so far from what I ever expected. Paige was lost and hurt and she used my gasp to gain ground for what she was searching for. Part of me wanted to really kiss her back, if only to be there for her in that moment and give her what she needed, but it wasn't right. I wasn't what she needed and she couldn't ever be what I needed. I brought my hand up to her cheek to pull her away and I felt the moisture on her face. Feeling her tears made my eyes burn and close and it made me second guess my reasons for wanting to end this. A girl like Paige shouldn't cry like this and if I had anything in me to let her forget, even for a few minutes, I think I'd gladly go against my own feelings._

_Paige was the ruler of her own life and she seemed to remember that before I did. She pulled herself away and collapsed into my arms as she cried. I couldn't move any part of my body if it meant letting her fall further so I didn't. As minutes passed all I could do was run my fingers through her hair and sooth her until the tears stopped. Eventually they did but it left her in a mindless state of exhaustion so I led her over to my bed and let her sleep._

_I remember sitting on floor across the room and watching her sleep. It made me think of Riley and the first real date he had tried to take me on a few hours earlier. I had said no. It made me think about the way he treated me like the world and how much I felt for him after only a few months. I think that was the final turning point for me. Seeing Paige hurt like that made me promise myself to keep a lock on my feelings because if someone could hurt a girl like her...then what hope did someone like me have?_

_Every day got easier and I never mentioned what happened. I didn't feel the need to because I understood the need for someone to be there when you reach out. I knew Paige wasnt kissing me that night and I knew she wanted me to be the image of Cassie that she had created in her mind or the image of a girl she didn't know that was perfect in her eyes. I think she loved me for just staying with her and I promised myself that I would._

_Paige immersed herself in the work and her act and became the little sister I never had and the one I'd always protect. As the year passed it became the silent understanding that shaped our bond and also added the fuel to our feisty banter. We push each other excessively as sisters would. Because of that night and the strength she gained our taunting of each other became the symbol of how brutally honest we could be. I'm not afraid to tell her when to fuck off and she's not afraid to tell me when I'm being a bitch. The same way she wasn't afraid to come to me that night and I wasn't afraid to give in if it made it less painful for her._

_A few years later Paige's parents were gone and after that she grew up completely. Faster than she should have and while it wasn't fair or expected of her... it was likely due to the fact that she felt she had to carry on the show. It may have been the only reason she got back up after everything. She lost Cassie, though I can't say I'm sad about that because she was kind of a bitch and it brought me closer to Paige which I'm thankful for, but when she lost her parents it was just too close together. Not many people could get up after that but for Paige it showcased how much she had grown. She loves the show too much to just let it go and letting it go could have meant losing all of us along with it. Without the show we would all be lost to find our own way without each other. If something had the ability to pull Paige away from this life then it would either be death or the embodiment of a miracle. One potential miracle that was possibly beginning to work magic over Paige's life. One girl from a small town that Paige looks at in a way she never looked at Cassie. A very specific look that's impossible to ignore._

_I pressed my back against the wall and watched Riley as he moved around the his work, tightening my grip on the apple and forgoing my previous urge to throw it. I tell myself it's because wasting food is wrong and at least that logic makes sense though it's still a lie._

_"She's gonna like that." I said, keeping the slight distance in my voice._

_"Emily?" Riley asks for clarification as he steps back to look proudly at his work._

_"Yeah." I shrug nonchalantly, picking at the apple in my hand. "Here!"_

_Riley's eyes snapped over as the apple left my hand and while he fliched...he also caught it and now he's giving me that look._

_It's the way that Paige looks at Emily and the way Emily looks back. It's the look that says 'you're everything'...and I'm not brave enough to return it._

* * *

**Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol (I do not own these Lyrics)**

We'll do it all

Everything

On our own  
We don't need

Anything

Or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel  
Those three words,

Are said too much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads  
I need your grace

To remind me

To find my own

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life  
All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes

They're all I can see  
I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things

Will never change for us at all  
If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

* * *

**Walk Me Down The Middle- The Band Perry {Paige verse 1/Emily verse 2}(i do not own these lyrics)**

I was meant to be by your side

And I have waited here a long time

For you to turn around and notice me

But now you're here holding hands with me

Walk me down the middle of the county fair

Walk me down the middle like you don't care

Walk me by the ferris wheel

And make sure that she sees

Let the whole world know you belong to me

I heard about your bitter end

About how she stole your heart and put it back again

Well I may not be the prettiest girl around

But I sure am a sight for sore, sore eyes

Walk me down the middle of Main Street

Walk me down where the whole town will be

I don't need no parade

But make sure that she sees

Let the whole word know you belong to me

I'd walk through fire for you

Walk through barbed wire for you

I'd walk for miles, it's true

Just to be with you

If you walk me down the middle of my momma's church

Walk me down that aisle in your finest shirt

Let the whole world know you will

Walk me down the middle of the county fair

Walk me down the middle like you don't care

Walk me by the ferris wheel

And make sure they all see

Let the whole world know you belong to me

You belong to me

* * *

**Between The Raindrops- Lifehouse (I do not own these lyrics)**

Look around

There's no one but you and me

Right here and now

The way it was meant to be

There's a smile on my face

Knowing that together everything that's in our way

We're better than all right

Walking between the raindrops

Riding the aftershock beside you

Off into the sunset

Living like there's nothing left to lose

Chasing after gold mines

Crossing the fine lines we knew

Hold on and take a breath

I'll be here every step walking between the raindrops with you

Take me now

The worlds such a crazy place

When the walls come down

You'll know I'm here to stay

There's nothing I would change

Knowing that together

Everything that's in our way

We're better than all right

Walking between the raindrops

Riding the aftershock beside you

Off into the sunset

Living like there's nothing left to lose

Chasing after gold mines

Crossing the fine lines we knew

Hold on and take a breath

I'll be here every step walking between the raindrops with you

There's a smile on my face

Knowing that together everything that's in our way

We're better than all right

Walking between the raindrops

Riding the aftershock beside you

Off into the sunset

Living like there's nothing left to lose

Chasing after gold mines

Crossing the fine lines we knew

Hold on and take a breath

I'll be here every step walking between the raindrops with you


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: **Sorry its taken so long with this update but here it is! Thank you all for being patient with me. _I'm placing an adult content advisory but I also would like everyone to know that I treat all of my characters the same way I would treat Paily. If sexual situations are not for you then I suggest you skip over italics._ I'm truly amazed and blown away with the outpour of love being shown for Marley's POV and she will be around a lot more so don't worry. In a lot of aspects her role is vital to Paige and Emily and I don't plan on giving up on her character. Her success is very important for Paily's future so bear with me as I place her under a microscope and really bring her to life. Reviews and feedback are always welcome, it means so much to hear your favorite parts of the story or any questions you have for their future so thank you! **Find Red Velvet Cover Art by: Saii79** on Tumblr at: **Paily*Love*Story** and Twitter ** rcampdel Enjoy!**

* * *

This was one of those moments that would be frozen and replayed over and over again for the rest of your life. No matter where you go or how your life changes you can always come back here. Certain things will always trigger the memory and bring it to the forethought of your mind. Usually its involuntary, a taste or a scent that takes you back, but sometimes the senses have been touched so deeply that you can recall the memory on demand and lose yourself to the feelings all over again. Whenever you want to you can close your eyes and be right back to the heat of the thermal shirt beneath your fingertips and the image of bright blue sky bleeding into the gold fields blurring around you. Close your eyes and relax your body and you smell her hair as your bury your face in her neck, just melting into her and smiling because a moment has never felt so right. This is the memory that will haunt you and pull at you for the rest of your life no matter where you are. It's the simple things that have the strongest power to stay with you forever. The most intricate things are there... but the simple? The moments that don't have to try to be perfect? Those are the memories that you always place themselves effortlessly before your eyes.

She opened her eyes and watched the individual stalks of barley come into focus. Paige tapped her foot down and stopped completely but she couldn't bring herself to let go of her as she took snapshots in her mind of everything she was feeling. The most important one was captured when Paige shifted around and her eyes fell only on her face.

"Em?" Her brown eyes were smiling proudly as the engine died.

Her mind felt hazy from sudden stillness around her and the absence of vibrations through her body. A tingling sensation from thirty minutes of riding coursed through her and left her arms and legs feeling restless as she straightened herself up.

"Okay I think your idea of horsepower is better than mine." She smiled, leaning back to stretch.

"No don't let Ember hear you say that. You'll break his heart." Paige kicked the stand down and reached around for her hand to help her off first.

Her legs felt weak once she stood on solid ground again. "Ember isn't here so I can say it but I'll try to keep it to myself when he's around."

Paige swung her leg over the seat and turned to her. "Good because I've seen him sad and I don't like it so be nice."

"Then don't ever deny Stella skittles and we a deal." She smiled and looked back down the path in the direction they had come from.

"Deal."

The tent that stood higher than the concrete building was nowhere in sight and the only thing she could see for miles was a green tree line in the distance that bordered the field. She felt far enough away from everything to lose herself completely and close enough to feel the comfort of a new family being nearby. It was safe here, separate from everyone and everything yet being just out of sight only made her appreciate the new people around her more and how strongly she already felt for all of them, like she was missing small pieces of herself when she couldn't see them. Movement brought her back as Paige sunk down to the soft field, strands of gold swaying around her shoulders, her eyes falling on the most important piece.

"I used to come out here a lot." She smiled, picking at the long strands. "Riley almost set it all on fire the summer I met him. It's actually where I picked up the annoying braid habit."

"That's not annoying." She shook her head firmly and sunk down beside her. "I love it." Her hand went automatically to twirl the grass braid around her wrist. It wasn't ordinary. Each twist was like a celtic knot braided in on itself in ways that made it impossible to figure out. "It doesn't look as simple as you make it look."

"I can show you." Paige whispered.

As she looked at Paige sitting beside her mind went back to the meadow in Charleston. The same flecks of particles glittered around her head and the breeze teased at the strands of red in her hair. She nodded weakly and Paige went to work pulling long strands from the ground, ripping them down the center to expose softer fibers. They looked so delicate but Paige moved her fingers quickly and carefully over each thread, smoothing away all imperfections. Once they were long and smooth she knotted one end and moved closer.

"Bend your knees up because you're gonna hold the knotted end between them so you can pull the braid tight."

"K." She nodded and brought her knees up to hold the knot securely, looking to Paige for the next direction.

"The easiest way for me to explain this is going to be for me to show you."

"Okay." She smiled at Paige and watched her move, expecting her to start pulling extra strands from the ground for herself. Instead she moved closer, kneeling behind her back and wrapping her arms around shoulders. Paige closed her hands over hers softly and guided her movements. She held her breath.

"Bring this strand over to the right while you cross the right side over and then under..."

Her words made no sense without the guidance of her hands but with Paige leading her movements...the braid began to form.

"Wow."

"See, it's easier than it looks. Now make a knot after each section." Paige smiled and rested her chin on her shoulder, the same way she had done to Paige on the bike. A reversal of their roles.

"No, its easy because you're showing me. If you let go I wouldn't be able to finish this."

"Yes you would." Paige nodded against her neck.

"No, I wouldn't." She insisted.

Paige slowly shifted her hands away, dragging her fingers lightly up her arms as she pulled back. She faltered then focused firmly on continuing the pattern with her fingers. Paige's hands stopped and rested on top of her shoulders, watching as the braid continued to grow. She smiled proudly to herself that she was managing to not screw it up completely.

"I told you." Paige whispered in her ear, making her fingers falter again slightly.

She pressed a kiss to the base of her neck and the heat of her lips sent the braid unraveling as her fingers slipped from it.

"Noooo, I'm sorry." Paige frowned. "That was my fault."

"I thought you letting go would make it fall apart. Apparently you kissing me makes it fall apart." She smiled and dropped the strands back to the ground, craning her neck back to see Paige smiling over her shoulder.

"Then since its already apart..." Paige ran her hand up to her cheek and pressed a light kiss to her lips as she sighed. "Okay, we aren't gonna drop this braid thing." She pulled herself from the ground and brushed off her jeans before extending her hand down. "I'm going to show you again but we aren't going to use grass. I want you to have one that you can keep so we're gonna tear into the ribbon in the costume room. Start thinking of what colors you want."

"Fine, but I like the grass." She smiled, taking Paige's hand and standing to her feet.

The sky was starting to shift into a coral pink around the horizon as the sun sunk lower, bringing the feathers in Ember's mane before her eyes and only igniting the field more until it resembled the gold ribbon. She thought of the coral dress that had inspired Paige to use those feathers in the first place and how it still lay crumpled on the floor of her bathroom in Rosewood. She should have thought to bring it.

"Can I teach you?" Paige whispered.

Paige's voice pulled her from her thoughts and she scolded herself for missing anything in Rosewood. The dress was trivial to where she was at the moment and honestly while the color was beautiful and clearly meant something to Paige it only reminded her of falling to the cold stairs and missing what she never had to begin with. She had Paige now and followed her eyes to the red bike.

"Teach me?" Her face must have shown her confusion because Paige tilted her head towards the bike.

"Let me teach you how to drive it."

"Really?" She furrowed her eyebrows and looked warily at the bike. "I really don't want to crash your bike."

"You're not going to hurt the bike." Paige insisted. "Its metal and we're in a field of barley. It's like a giant pillow. Like Mary's breasts were pillows for Peter to crash into." She smiled.

She laughed and shook her head. Part of her wanted to protest further but she was too intrigued by the idea and she's stepped closer instead. "Okay what first?"

Paige grinned and kicked up the stand, gripping the handlebars as she straddled the front tire and held it steady. "Okay swing your leg over and balance the bike."

She followed this command. Suddenly every nerve in her body felt alive and on edge from what was happening. Most of it was caused by the fact that she was now sitting on a powerful engine while Paige was towering over the front tire. She crossed her arms over her chest to keep from touching anything because the last thing she wanted was to send the bike forward and hurt Paige.

"Now take the handlebars."

"No." She said firmly.

Paige crinkled her eyebrows in confusion. "No?"

"No." She repeated, tightening her arms across her chest and giving Paige an uneasy look.

"Why? You said you wanted to..."

"Because you're standing in front of it! I don't want to touch anything because I don't want the bike to shoot forward and hurt you!"

"It's not even on yet." Paige argued, an amused smile tugging at her lips. It was cute but unintentionally patronizing. Paige would react the same way she was if their roles were reversed. The same way Paige reacted when she found out Ember had thrown her and broken her wrist.

Her voice was climbing. "Yeah but it will be on!"

"Then I'll move when it's on!"

"Can you just move now?"

Paige ducked her head and chuckled, sighing heavily as she swung her left leg back to one side of the bike, joining her right. She walked around and stopped by her left side and her thigh that was straddling the seat. She leaned in, both of her hands reaching and wrapping around each of her own before guiding them gently to the handlebars like she had guided them with the braid.

"Is that better?" Paige whispered, securing her hands in a light grip.

"As long as you don't kiss me." She smiled, earning another chuckle from Paige's throat.

The handlebars were warm beneath her fingers and all she could focus on was the heat of Paige's hands resting over hers and holding them in place. She swallowed hard and managed a weak nod that made the smile on Paige's falter slightly as she focused on making her feel comfortable.

"Okay flip the button." Paige directed, her voice staying much softer than before. Her breathing became ragged as Paige slipped her right hand away from the button on the handlebars, giving her the opportunity to press it while she moved her hand to the small of her back instead.

"Okay." She breathed, flipping the switch. Nothing happened and she frowned, trying to recall if she had missed something.

Paige moved before she could think too much into it. She leaned over the bike across her lap and flipped a silver pedal down by her right boot before returning herself to her previous position, her right hand once again wrapped around her back protectively while the other hand squeezed the left handlebar.

"Okay hold in the clutch." Paige tightened their fingers over silver lever under their left hand. "Now lean forward and slam your boot hard into the pedal. As hard as you can."

She squinted her eyes to concentrate on what Paige was telling her to do, focusing on the memory she had of Paige doing this herself. It made sense when she remembered the pale green shirt that exposed her hip and her brown boots. She brought her right boot up to the pedal, leaning forward off the seat, taking a deep breath and slamming her foot down. Nothing happened.

"Was that wrong?" She asked, looking at Paige. She could feel her cheeks warm because it shouldn't be this hard and she felt embarrassed because Paige made it look so easy...and sexy.

Paige removed her hand from the clutch but she continued to hold it down in her absence. Instead Paige ran her hand down and pressed a button near her knee before returning her hand back to cover hers.

"No not wrong." Paige assured. "Okay this time I want you to put all of your weight into the pedal. Follow through like you're trying to kick it straight into the ground."

"Into the ground." She repeated. "Okay."

She took a deep breath and brought her foot up to the pedal again, closing her eyes briefly to envision the way Paige had done this before. All she could focus on was Paige's hand over hers while the other rested across her lower back, her fingertips gripping into her side.

"Wheeeenever you're ready." Paige teased, with an amused smile.

She sighed and looked at Paige, giving her a sarcastic smile. "I'm trying."

"I know." Paige nodded, softening and losing the smirk. "Take your time just...follow through. Treat that pedal like its something that hurt you."

That was easier than she expected. A whole slew of things came to her mind. She took another breath and automatically she was seeing seven years of her life that were basically wasted. She was seeing girls she loved die and old friends move away and an empty house that had long since held anything for her. Then she saw worry in Paige's eyes as she led her home from the bar and sadness when Paige had said goodbye. She saw herself broken on the stairs and falling to cold porcelain. The things that hurt her stopped there so she quickly replayed them in her mind.

She leaned forward and slammed her boot into the kick-start, jumping when the engine roared to life and sent vibrations through her body. She wasn't expecting it even though probably she should have been considering it was exactly what she was aiming for. She released the hand bars, her right hand grazing over the throttle and sending the bike lurching forward. Paige tightened her grip around her waist and ripped her backwards and off the bike just as it shot forward and crashed over on its side. They stumbled back but Paige managed to keep them from falling completely.

"Okay that was wrong." She breathed, looking to Paige with hesitant eyes. She just laughed and shook her head.

"It's not your fault." Paige smiled. "I didn't tell you to keep holding the clutch in."

"Yeah but you didn't tell me to release it either." She pointed out, her cheeks burning from embarrassment. "I'm sorry."

"Please don't be." Paige whispered, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around her waist. "It happens. I crashed this thing a million times and I never kick started on the second try. In fact when I failed on the tenth try I kicked the bike over and then kicked it again to make sure it stayed down. It actually took me..."

She watched her lips as Paige talked and the way sunset sky was shining pink across her face. It turned red with each passing second and after a few moments she realized that Paige was quietly watching her in the same way. Neither of them speaking anymore and both of them enjoying the breaths leaving each others lungs. The sky shifted into a violet that now reminded her of the collar around Stella's neck and the lounge on the train. It was beautiful to find all of these significant colors of theirs painted in the sky at certain times of the day.

She ran her hands up Paige's arms, burning into the red thermal on their way to become lost in her auburn waves. Another snapshot clicked in her mind, freezing her eyes on Paige's face the second before they touched. Hands tightened around her waist and clutched at the fabric of her back as she pressed lightly to Paige's lips. She pulled away slightly to meet her chocolate eyes before moving back in. How could something so new feel so familiar?

Paige massaged lightly against her lips and she shivered when her hot breath moved across her cheek. Part of her expected her to pull away. Paige always knew when she was cold but she also knew that this shiver had nothing to do with the temperature change that came with the sunset. Even so, her hands burned deeper into her back and pulled her closer. She licked across Paige's bottom lip and they parted, bringing the moisture of Paige's tongue forward and eagerly into her mouth. The taste she found there wasn't laced in candy, Paige was untainted and sweet all on her own. This new flavor mixed with Paige's hands moving under the hem of her shirt sent a jolt down her body and a pressure in the pit of her stomach that had her gasping and breaking away as tremors moved under her skin.

"I'm sorry." Paige whispered, pulling her hands away to rest on her hips.

"That's too many apologies for today. You've reached your daily limit." She bit her lower lip and rested their foreheads together as their breathing slowed. She clutched at the thermal on Paige's hip and shamed herself for shaking so much.

Paige smiled softly and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth then moved lightly to her jaw, whispering in her ear. "I don't think I'll ever get used to this."

"Then don't." She breathed

"I won't." Paige retorted, pulling back and shaking her head firmly.

"Good, me either." She smiled again and looked at the bike laying over on the ground. "So that's two things I've failed to grasp without your hands."

Paige furrowed her eyebrows and looked at the bike. "Oh no, that's one thing because of my hands and one thing because of my lips. We aren't done with the bike but my hands are still gonna help so we don't die."

A loud boom cracked through the air and made her jump. Her eyes shot over to the direction they had come from and while she hadn't been able to see the tent earlier, she could barely make out the bright lights of it now lit up against the darkening sky. They were miles and miles away. She smiled as a spark flew up into night and caught fire in a shower of colors.

"That would be Riley." Paige sighed. "Its his bat signal for the circus. We're gonna be busy tomorrow." Another blasts brought purple into the air.

"Bat signal?"

"Yea, now everyone knows we're back in town so bring on the masses."

She watched Paige crinkle her eyebrows as she pulled the bike off its side and turned it around. She looked upset suddenly. Not outwardly upset but something masked and subtle, tugging her away from the moment without her permission. She knew exactly what it was when Paige met her eyes and smiled, attempting to hide what she was feeling. Paige knew that she knew because she was the one that spoke first.

"Not all of the masses are good." Paige added, throwing her leg over the seat of the bike as she waited for her to move. "Come on, I told you we're not done with the bike."

She smiled and walked closer, ready to slip onto the seat behind her when Paige shifted herself back further. "What are you doing?"

"You're driving, my hands are gonna help." Paige grinned and patted the empty space in front of her.

While she knew this was a stupid idea the biggest part her wanted Paige's arms wrapped around her again. She swallowed back the dryness in her throat and slipped her leg over the seat, resting herself down as Paige leaned in closer against her back. So this is what Paige had felt on the ride out. Her breath caught.

"Okay just like before." Paige whispered "Flip the switch."

She used her thumb to flip the small button and sighed when Paige's hands appeared over hers on the handlebars, squeezing the clutch down tightly. "Something that hurt me." She repeated Paige's previous instructions in her mind as she brought her boot up to the silver pedal.

"Kick it into the ground." Paige added, pressing a quick kiss to her shoulder.

The crinkle of Paige's eyebrows a few moments ago circled into her mind. The way Paige tried to be strong and hide it...hurt her. Even with that pain there was relief that Cassie had screwed up because it brought the heat of Paige's body pressed into her back. Paige tightened their hands over the clutch, insuring that they wouldn't crash. She leaned forward slammed her boot into the pedal, smiling when it growled beneath them.

"Perfect, don't release the clutch." Paige smiled against her neck and pulled her hand away to flip another small switch and turned on a headlight on the front of the bike. "Okay down here..." she brought her hand down by her left boot. "...this is how you shift. Tap up with your foot for higher speeds and tap down when you're slowing. The engine will tell you when its time by sounding like a dying cat but I'll help by whispering."

"Whispering sounds better than killing animals." She smiled and focused on Paige behind her instead of the image of the bike crashing forward to ground.

Paige replaced her hands over hers and held them firmly. "Your right hand is the throttle. Thats how we go. The silver lever above are your front brakes. You have back brakes too and you need to use both unless you want to flip the bike so just let me worry about those." When she nodded Paige continued. "We're gonna ease up on the clutch while applying pressure to the throttle. You're in first gear already so if you let go of the clutch at once its going to fly forward again. Ready?"

"Yeah." She squeezed her eyes shut for a second and then focused as Paige loosened her grip on the clutch. She mimicked Paige and released it slighty, smiling as the tires moved forward steadily.

"Good. Now every time you ease up on the clutch transfer that pressure to the throttle."

She followed her instructions and the bike speed up, the engine was strong and then shifted into a choking sound.

"Tap up." Paige directed.

She tapped her foot up and instantly the engine was relieved of the sound and the ground sped by faster, forcing air into her lungs. After a few miles her body relaxed. Some of that was due to her confidence building as she learned to recognize the sound telling her to shift. She managed to catch it on her own the next time around. Most of her relaxation was due to Paige breathing against her neck.

"Em?"

Adrenaline and Paige's body made her lose sight of everything blurring around her. As their speed increased she barely noticed the lights of the tent growing closer. She barely felt the tires plow over the tracks.

"Emily?" Paige whispered urgently against her neck. "Down shift!"

Her focus snapped back at those words. She tapped down and Paige squeezed into her hands, gripping into the clutch and tightening over the front brakes.

"Down again." Paige directed. She felt Paige move faster and slam her boot into the foot brake, skidding the tires across the gravel and barely stopping short of the fence line as the engine choked out and died. Paige shot her boot out to keep the bike from crashing over.

"You should drive next time because I'm pretty sure that was definitely wrong." She looked down sheepishly as Paige slipped off of the back and moved around to the front tire. Paige straddled the front fender and coaxed her eyes back to hers.

"That wasn't wrong. I got distracted and should have warned you sooner." Paige smiled softly, relaxing her weight into the tire as she sat down and rested her arms on the handle bars.

"You can't blame anyone can you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You don't blame Ali for you leaving rosewood and you can't blame me for crashing your bike and then nearly crashing it again with us on it." She wanted to mention the way Paige also couldn't blame anyone for not wanting to be back in Lincoln...but she couldn't. Those were details she didn't have and she had no right bringing it up. She especially had no right to blatantly call Paige out on something that clearly hurt her.

"First of all, Alison was only a minute out of _my_ life so no, no she's not worth it and you...I could never blame you because I'm the experienced rider. That really wasn't your fault."

"Then it was wrong?" She asked, pressing for Paige to at least admit it.

"Maybe but was it fun?" A teasing smile pulled at Paige's lips and made her laugh.

"Yes." She nodded and leaned forward into the bike. It was fun, except for the part where she almost threw them both into a fence. The moments leading up were amazing, adrenaline packed and full of intensity caused by both the speed and Paige wrapped around her. Her mind had been lost to those thoughts the entire ride back and now her eyes were lost in chocolate as she watched Paige smile.

"Paige!" Peter's voice shouted from the far end of the fence. The tent was glowing behind him, light bleeding through the red and white stripes. It cast rippling colors on water that she hadn't noticed before.

"Is that a pond?" She asked, forgetting all about Peter approaching through the darkness. She felt bad but she was curious.

"Paige?"

"Yeah, it's just a small one around the backside of the tent. There's a wrap around dock and a pier that venders set games and merchandise out on during shows." Paige paid no attention to the footsteps that were growing closer, intentionally ignoring them like she was hopeful they'd just disappear. She had a cute mischievous smile tugging at her lips and it was amazing how quickly she picked up on what Paige was doing.

"Oh cool. What kind of merchandise?" She asked, resting her head in her hands on gas tank. Paige smiled and continued.

"Frick!" Peter spat. He was closing in but still a few gates down.

"There's a hole there!" Paige shouted, not tearing her eyes away as she lowered her head to her arms still draped between the handlebars. They were close enough to feel each others breath grazing across their cheeks. Paige didn't miss a beat when Peter called out her name again. She began ticking off on her fingers. "They sell a lot of things. Toys and shirts, food of course, jewelry and..."

"Are there stuffed animals? I should send Hanna tiger."

Peter stopped beside them and cleared his throat with his arms crossed over his chest but they didn't falter. It took everything in her not to laugh and cave in but Paige had a good poker face that helped her stay serious. "There's definitely stuffed tigers." Paige nodded. "We could send her a white one with a can of tuna so she trusts that they aren't starving."

"Do tigers eat tuna?" She asked. "I guess they would because house cats do..."

Paige's eyes flickered over to Peter and she gave his a sweet smile and nod. Acknowledging his presence and getting his hopes up before turning away from him again. "Yea but we could always send a chicken or a pot roast."

"Maybe put some on dry ice?"

Paige's eyes lit up more, if that was even possible. "Oh or lets send her an actual tiger."

"Send her a pack of skittles and really confuse her."

"Nice!" Paige nodded her head and gave her an impressed smile.

Peter sighed, reaching forward and grabbing Paige's radio from her back pocket. "Okay enough."

"Damnit!" Paige smiled, snatching it back and tucking it in her pocket again.

"You tell me to keep my radio on and then you shut yours off." Peter laughed.

"We're home. I'm allowed to!"

"Well Riley is hurt and Mary's laughing."

"Damn did she really throw the apple?" Paige choked on a laugh as Peter smiled.

"No but he racked himself with the metal piping."

"You seriously came out here for that? What the hell am I supposed to do?" Paige chuckled. "Have Mary get on it."

"Oh God, Paige!" Peter laughed and shook his head.

"That is not what I meant." Paige squeezed her eyes shut and fought back mental images as she threw in the towel. "We'll be right there." She barely mustered those words in a squeaky voice.

Peter shook his head and turned "Oh and we're having an improv tomorrow afternoon. There's no set time yet but the grounds will be busy so we'll just pull people in."

"Can we be selective about the people we pull, please?" Paige smiled sarcastically, at least, that's what she was trying to portray.

"We can try." Peter called over his shoulder. "But you have better things in front of you at the moment and we're a public establishment."

"The word is 'fuck', Peter...not 'frick'! Paige shouted and smiled as she straightened herself off the fender. "He can't say it."

"Crap!"

"The hole didn't move!" Paige called after him.

She pulled herself from the bike and stepped back, stretching her back as Paige pushed it toward the tent. "He can't say fuck?"

"No and I think that's the first time I've heard you say it."

She ducked her head down slightly as her cheeks warmed. "I say it. I just don't have many reasons to." Her hands slipped into her back pockets as they walked.

"We can work on that." Paige smiled. "I like how it sounds on you."

"So, you have something better in front of you at the moment?" She asked, changing the subject back to what Peter _did_ say. She watched the way Paige's eyes crinkled briefly in confusion and then relaxed as she caught on.

"Well, beside me at the moment." Paige corrected. "And there's no comparison. Peter never lies."

* * *

She stepped on the kickstand outside of the tent and led Emily inside. It was quieter than it had been earlier, people had cleared out and front gates should be closed by now. Performers usually went home if they had family in town and if not they got hotels and enjoyed sleeping in a bed that wasn't moving. The air was warmer and immediately she sighed, a _heavy_ sigh, as she hung her head in disbelief and moved towards the sound of Mary's voice. This shouldn't surprise her. Riley gets hurt a lot usually at the hands of Mary but there's no doubt that's she's loving the fact that this particular injury wasn't caused by her. Not this time at least. Emily walked close beside her. Her eyebrows were crinkled in concern when Riley groaned so even though she was laughing inside...she slipped her fingers around Emily's and smiled soothingly. Their time spent in the gold field was still circling in her mind and drowning out everything around her. She didn't ever want to be the thing that helped Emily kick-start the bike. She didn't ever want to hurt her. The moment Emily's foot slammed into the pedal she had promised herself that she never would.

"Baaabe, stop." Riley swatted Mary's hand away. She sat stretched out on the grass, ripped jeans and black corset, back pressed against the half wall while Riley's head rested in her lap. His arm was draped over his face as Peter stood by shaking his head.

"I'm just saying...she's not getting any grandkids now." Mary laughed and ran her fingers lightly into his hair. "You didn't cry when Paige stitched your arm up."

"I hurt my balls, Mar!" Riley snapped. "My eyes were watering. I wasn't crying."

"All the same." She smiled, stopping by their side with an amused smile on her lips. "Mine are still bigger...figuratively speaking." She directed the last part at Mary who smiled and tousled her long curls around her shoulder.

"Yeah because mine are back up inside of my body at the moment!" Riley moaned. "I think I coughed blood."

"Hey, cough again." Mary ordered moving her hand to the front of his jeans as she laughed.

"That's for a hernia!" Riley shielded himself from her with his own hand. Mary's smile softened as she sighed and stroked his head again.

"You interrupted us for this?" She turned to Peter. "Only Mary can fix this one."

"I'm not touching this one." Mary shook her head firmly, looking down at Riley. "No offense. I'm sure they're not crushed...completely. I mean I can't tell because there's so much blood."

"Stop." Riley's chest shook as he laughed. "Oh fuck it hurts to laugh."

"Still wanna borrow mine?" She smiled and leaned down to punch his chest playfully as he whined. "So what happened?" She asked, leaning into the half wall beside Mary as she held Emily close to her side, tracing circles over her knuckles while taking in the sections of barrier and the tools scattering the ground.

Mary sighed. "He was laying under the barrier tightening the fire-line and the piping rolled off the top and..."

"It hurts remembering..." Riley whined.

"Oh please." Mary slapped him upside the head. "Don't be a fucking baby."

It was a little aggravating that Peter had fussed and traipsed through the field just to interrupt them for this bullshit. She sighed and forced a deep breath. The heat of Emily standing beside her helped with that process.

"So an improv tomorrow?" She cleared her throat and looked down at Mary sitting on the ground beside her. She used her free hand to tousle a piece of Mary's dark hair and got slapped as she brought her hand up to block her.

"Yeah." Mary sighed, ducking her head away as she smiled. "Molly hasn't seen a show in a while so we're gonna have one for her."

"Yeah but improvs are..." Peter started and shook his head uneasily.

"Unscripted and unrehearsed." She stated, shrugging her shoulders. "Molly's been around a ton of Mary's practices and the public comes in well aware of the risk that profanities can slip through and that issues can arise."

"Talk it over and let me know." Peter smiled and headed for the tent, stopping and looking briefly over his shoulder. "Emily, we took care of the 'through'."

She furrowed her eyebrows and looked at Emily beside her and then back a Peter. "Through?"

"Really?" Emily smiled and flickered her eyes between Peter and Mary, probably Riley too but his eyes were closed at the moment so her wouldn't have noticed.

"Yeah, we've been working on it all day." Peter nodded and with one last smile he turned and left the tent.

Somewhere along the way she had missed something. She knew that obviously from the way Emily's jaw dropped slightly and the way Mary was pulling herself from the ground with a proud smile on her lips. Peter was already long gone so she couldn't squeeze him for details and Riley was basically unconscious. He didn't even moan or protest when his head dropped hard into ground as Mary shifted herself away.

"Do you want to see?" Mary asked, moving closer to face Emily.

She nodded frantically. Answering Mary's question before Emily did which earned an amused smiled from Mary and squeeze of Emily's hand on her own. She couldn't help it really but somehow she had missed something that excited Emily and she couldn't even think of when it had happened. She had barely left Emily's side and yet there was information she didn't have.

"Seriously? Already?" Emily smiled and looked to Mary who grabbed a black remote from the back pocket of her ripped jeans. "I just talked to Peter about this yesterday."

"Luckily Riley got racked after we were already done but we're very fast workers in this business." Mary smiled and turned to face the arena then pressed a button on the remote and brought the lights off completely. "We haven't figured everything out. The details are up to you."

Somehow she knew exactly what Mary was doing because she had done it before for Emily. She just hadn't followed through.

"We have the kinks worked out so..."

"Press 7." She interrupted.

Mary met her eyes and smiled with a slight nod as she pressed into the remote. "And you pretend to be oblivious." She shook her head lightly and squinted at the remote as her eyes focused.

She looked over at Emily in the darkness and pulled her closer, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and the other around her stomach. It felt good holding her this way. Knowing she was close and waiting at the end of her fingertips. She could touch Emily and Emily was touching her back. Nothing could compare to her. Nothing could even come close. Emily breathed slowly and wrapped her arms around her waist in return, resting her head on her shoulder in the dark arena.

"Fuck!" Mary snapped, holding the remote close to her eyes. "Wait okay...got it." A press of the button sent a million stars over every inch of the arena. The same stars she used during her act. immediately it wasn't quite right. It wasn't good enough for Emily.

"Press 10?" She asked. Mary nodded and pressed another button turning the arena into a swirl of vibrant colors. She frowned and shook her head firmly, studying the lights until it clicked in her mind. "Try 12."

"Damnit Paige! We can figure this out later just let me show her what we did."

Emily chuckled against her side and made her back down easily. "Fine." She smiled, squeezing her into a hug.

Mary sighed and pressed a button, igniting flames around the three sections of barrier that Riley had been working on. Emily tensed in her arms and then pulled away from her grasp. Her arms missed her instantly but she understood. Emily was lost completely to the fire before her eyes and the glow casting shadows across her face showed an intricate mix of emotions as she inched closer. It was beautiful seeing her standing there. How empowered she was and how strong. Her hands rested on the belt loops of her white jeans instead of being crossed protectively over her chest. Emily wasn't holding the pieces of herself together anymore...she was whole.

Mary was watching Emily warily and they both noticed the way the fire glistened over the moisture forming in her eyes. She wanted to reach for Emily and hold her but she quickly wiped her eye and Mary cleared her throat lightly, her voice breaking through the silence and taking the pressure from Emily to speak when she clearly had no words. The subtlety of Mary's actions around Emily reminded her of a time when she herself had needed someone to lean on. It made her smile to know that Mary was there for Emily too.

"We're gonna space these three sections around the track for fire jumps. There's three more in the back and two that are slightly lower so we can use those to fill in gaps in the course if we need to. We also have six fire posts that you can try if you want but they may take some practice."

"Fire posts?" Emily asked weakly, stepping closer to Mary's side. "Like a weave obstacle?"

"Yeah except we light them up." Mary nodded.

"It might take practice though." She added, watching the fire flicker across Emily's face. "Its more about mastering the weave technique than the fire itself."

Mary nodded in agreement and looked at Emily again. "Are you ready for the 'through' part?"

"Yeah." A smile tugged at Emily's lips as she watched Mary move her fingers quickly over a button sequence on the remote, shooting fire from a large ring that stood a ways down the track from the barriers.

"What the fuck." She breathed, looking at Mary and the proud smile on her face. The barriers were one thing but at the moment she wanted to choke Mary and kick Riley in the nuts again for this absurdity. Thinking of Emily's body being surrounded by fire made the air hitch in her throat and her stomach churn.

"Whoa. " Emily backstepped away from Mary, reaching for her hand in the darkness without tearing her eyes away from the flaming ring.

She wanted to offer Emily some sort of support by squeezing her hand but she was too caught off guard by this to offer anything. She hadn't even realized Peter and Emily had discussed possibilities let alone one that involved the inferno ring that had been out of commission since her grandparents time with the show. It had been in the warehouse and she hadn't even seen it in working order in her lifetime. She bit her tongue until she tasted blood.

"This is amazing." Emily smiled.

"I know right? Its awesome. Check this out." Mary grinned and clicked another button the shot the fire out another foot.

"Please elaborate on its awesomeness." She shot sarcastically at Mary.

Mary rolled her eyes and stepped back to her side, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and squeezing her reassuringly though she didn't dignify her response. The urge to slap the shit out of her was too strong to risk moving at the moment. Mary's health insrance possibly covered being murdered.

"Cool huh?" Riley shouted. They turned to see him pulling himself from the grass and brushing his jeans off. The idea of kicking him down again was still tempting but the smile on Emily's lips told her no.

"Its beautiful." Emily nodded, turning to Mary and wrapping her arms around her neck as she hugged her. "Thank you."

Mary faltered slightly from surprise but she managed to bring her arms and return the embrace. "Anytime." She whispered, meeting her eyes over Emily's shoulder as she pulled away and stepped back. "Okay I'm going to bed. We can work on costumes tomorrow."

Mary handed over the remote and set her smile on Riley, walking past and slapping her ass in the process. It made her jump and her eyes slam shut from the stinging that her hand left behind.

"Damnit!"

"Tough love." Mary called over her shoulder as she met up with Riley.

"I don't like your idea of tough!"

"That was her being soft." Riley shouted, wrapping his arms around Mary's waist. She brought her hand up and punched him playfully in the shoulder. He flinched but he didn't let go. "That was stronger but you can do better than that." He teased. It was a stupid thing for him to say because Mary brought her knee up slightly and had him throwing himself back to avoid it. Why he always underestimated her was a mystery of the universe.

"Sleep with one eye open." She warned, shoving him again as they walked out into the darkness.

"Back to our earlier conversation..." Emily smiled proudly as they disappeared. "She definitely feels the same way about him."

"Are you kidding me? Mary kicks his ass on a daily basis!" She argued, flipping the remote and bringing the flames to a halt. "I mean I'm happy she does but _come on_..."

"_Come on_, Paige." Emily mimicked, looking at her through her top eyelashes and stopping her breath short. "You're intuition is wrong this time. Maybe not wrong but you're definitely on a different frequency than she is."

"Its Mary. She's very upfront about how she feels."

"People are rarely that upfront." Emily smiled and stepped closer. "Most people just need someone to take the time. You did that with me."

"See I definitely can't use my "I'm wiser" psychology on you."

"I'm not using anything except my eyes." Emily sighed, sinking down to the grass in the center ring as she stared at the barriers, her eyes moving from one end to the next.

She looked back at the opening of the tent that Mary and Riley had disappeared through. She knew Riley was crazy about her but it never crossed her mind that Mary might feel the same way. She pushed him so much. She pushed everyone and that was fine because she's Mary. Everyone loves her and she's become the matriarch of their lives. Guilt always came whenever she thought of Mary and the way she had taken advantage of her. It wasn't intential but Mary had never said anything about it and maybe she should have. Maybe she should have said something to Mary. When she found her in the alley outside the bar all she wanted was to protect her but Mary proved so quickly that she didn't need the protection. She never questioned it because Mary was so much stronger than she was and she respected that. She was lucky to have parents as long as she had because Mary never had that. Her pride told her to ignore that Emily may be right because admitting it meant she had failed to pay attention to one of the only people in her life that she loved. One of the only people who had never let her down. Maybe Riley wasn't the one that underestimated Mary.

"Does Mary love Peter too?" She smiled weakly, dropping to the grass beside Emily. It was a weak come back and she knew it but it made her feel less guilty for a moment.

"I'm still trying to figure that one out." Emily laughed and flattened herself back into the grass of the middle ring.

She flipped the remote lightly between her fingers and looked up at the stripes of the tent, then looked back to the remote as she furrowed her eyebrows. Pressing in 12 sent a rich blue glow over every surface as she flattened herself back beside Emily. She could hear Emily's breath hitch. She studied the remote quickly then pressed 15 and smiled. Emily raised herself automatically up on her elbows and watched as ripples cascaded through the blue light, drowning the arena in water. The smile on her lips proved that this was Emily's light.

"What did you press?" Emily looked over at her with her deep eyes.

"These two." She mumbled weakly, pointing to the buttons and swallowing back the dryness in her throat. "I can change it.. I .."

"No don't." Emily looked back at the blue and wiped a tear forming around her eyes before slowly sinking down and resting her head on her shoulder.

She wrapped her arms around Emily, tighter than she ever had and pressed a kiss into her hair. She only vaguely remembered that Emily swam in high-school but she only wanted to make her smile. She squeezed her eyes shut because the last thing she wanted was to see Emily cry again. Heat appeared through her shirt and brought her eyes open to see Emily's hand move across her stomach and up her side as she shift and buried her face into her neck. Her breaths were shallow and she didn't move further. After a few minutes the soft rise and fall of Emily's chest against her side pulled her eyes shut as her mind relaxed into a sea of gold fields and a blue water sky.

* * *

Several things she was aware of off and on all night. Her mind would relax and then suddenly at random moments her senses would heighten from every slight movement of the body beside her. Dreams were fleeting and every time her mind would try she would see Paige. She could feel warm thermal pressed against her and images of a flyer blowing on a bulletin board in Rosewood. She dreamed that she was walking the empty streets and ripping all of the posters down because nobody in that town deserved to see Paige and then her mind would resurface to the scent and the red shirt all over again. All of these little changes around her startled her mind and made her struggle to focus and then sleep would fog everything and pull her immediately under its grasp again. Pulling her away from the floral and spice on Paige's skin and away from the grass beneath their bodies. She tried to count every breath leaving Paige's lungs as her head moved with her chest but again sleep would dominate and rip her away. The faint blue light seeping through her eyelids lulled her into a place where nothing could touch her. No one could touch her except the girl she now had encased in her arms. She didn't need dreams as long as she had her.

* * *

_I groaned and punched my fist into a pillow. "I hate you sometimes!"_

_Everyone on the train, aside from Peter, is the 'sleep-in', 'leave-me-the-hell-alone', kind of person. Every time Peter does his annoying 'I'm ruling the train' bullshit as he goes around knocking on doors it's all I have in me not to open said door and smack the shit out of him... which is exactly what I always attempt to do regardless._

_He's not so bad all things considered but when it comes to mornings he's that baby in the sun on Teletubies. Don't ask me how I know there's a baby being burned to death in the sun on a children's show but just trust me on it. That baby is way too fucking happy with a fiery death. Every time I see Peter in the morning I envision that baby and I remember my moment of self-weakness with him a few months ago. I was so happy to actually get him drunk and let him bury his face because the next morning was the first time we all got to sleep past noon. I'd be lying if I said there were other motives involved there. My reasoning was purely on the side of sleep and the next morning Peter knew he had been scammed and he now sips his drinks slowly. I on the other hand won fifty bucks from Riley._

_This morning is no different. The knock sounds and by the time I'm out of bed and to the door Peter is gone, hiding somewhere which is smart of him. Then again if he was smart he'd hang around and wait to be smacked and talked out of banging on Paige's door because she's the worst of morning people usually._

_One of the many reasons I love her? She can take my shit and dish it right back with out missing a beat. Then again maybe its me that takes her shit and dishes it back? Possibly, but let's set that aside for now because bottom line.. Paige wears the pants, literally, so nobody should wake her up. I've never seen her in a dress and probably won't live to see the day but one can dream because the day that happens I'll be waiting with a camera and computer ready to upload it to YouTube. Maybe it can go on a blog with the cats being drenched and tortured with baths because that's probably the reaction Paige would have to a dress. I'm rambling but if everyone got to sleep on Paige's schedule then we'd all be happy. So my point is that Peter needs to hike up his dress, calm his shit and sit the fuck down._

_I sighed and closed the door in disappointment from not being able to knock Peter on his ass, there's always tomorrow for that, and my eyes fell on the state of the bedroom. The emerald in the wallpaper is usually my favorite part but at the moment it would have to be the body laying haphazardly on my bed. All messy hair and tanned skin. Just the sight of him sleeping somehow pulls the temper from my body while at the same time makes me want to scream from the mix of feelings I have for him. Like I could slap him or kiss him. Riley would argue that both were acceptable behavior at the same time which is kind of why he has a series of small red scratches on the back of his neck. I'm thinking I have an anger issue and I'm not sure if circus insurance covers that seeing as we're all pretty screwed up, so for the time being I'll focus on him and all of our fucked up ideas of a relationship. None of which are his fault but all of which go back to the beginning of my time with the show. That was the final nail in my coffin._

_Every time I think about when I met Riley and the first year of my life in the show I think about how happy I was and how incredibly miserable Paige was. That's guilt and also my biggest conflict. I was happy to have the new life but when someone does so much to help you and give you a place to call home and then you're forced to watch powerless as that girl's home falls apart...its hard. That was a rough few years and it was extremely difficult because when Cassie left I naturally wanted to help Paige in any way I could but the reality of it was that whatever her and Cassie were going through, it had gone on longer than I had been hired on. It was hard trying to navigate between the role of 'friend' and 'employee'._

_Even now Paige doesn't like coming home to Lincoln which is virtually unavoidable because its 'port of call', as sailors would say. Cassie has a flawless little habit of showing up. Everyone faces their exes sometimes but Paige still gets more annoyed than she should. Part of me wants to tell her to move the fuck on but again...its not my place to mess with that. I don't have any problem battling Paige over small irrelevant things but I wont touch this one. Shes done too much for me to low-blow her like that. It just sucks seeing the pain Cassie somehow brings even after four years. Nothing about that girl makes me comfortable but there's nothing I can do about it. I wear the corsets and the panties, sometimes. Paige wears the boss pants and her undergarments are absolutely none of my business. There's the impasse I've reached and it would be amazing if it could be cleared up already because I'm not the kind of person that copes well with not having a voice. I just know there's nothing I can say because the sad truth is that I know nothing about the details surrounding Paige and Cassie. Given that drunken night four years ago...you'd think I would...but you'd be wrong._

_Riley shifted under the blanket and I realized my back was pressed to the door just watching him sleep. I moved as quickly as he did, pulling myself out of his line of vision and towards the bathroom. Closing the door quietly behind me I turned to the mirror, taking in the mess of chocolate waves over my shoulders and the slightest smudge of red on my lips. Purely Riley's doing. 'Thanks darling.' After wiping the remaining color away I was ready to reapply until the door squeaked open and I placed the lipstick automatically back to the counter. No use in reapplying twice._

_"Why don't you like knocking?" I asked, keeping my voice as flat as possible because some small part of me liked getting him agitated by being oblivious. Riley could follow me around all day with puppy dog eyes but the truth is that he's not gonna stay and our relationship, if you could even call it that, was geared to make each other happy. He's happy. I'm happy. I think. I'm good at lying to myself when I have to so just go with it._

_"I like knocking." He smiled, stepping closer to wrap his arms around my waist. "I like knocking things off of the tables and knocking headboards into walls and knocking you into..."_

_Hes so charming._

_I turned to face him because something about the way he came up with these little lists of ways to touch me was endearing but more importantly our situation...was very filling._

_"We've never actually knocked headboards into walls." I pointed out, squinting my eyes skeptically. "Maybe you have on your own but that's between you and your hand."_

_"That's because if I start something in bed you manage to always slip out and lead me somewhere else."_

_"Hallways are more fun." I shrugged and ticked off a few more locations on my fingers, making Riley smile. "And the dresser and pool table and oh all of the times in the shower."_

_"We should try the boss' desk." He smiled_

_"God no!" I snapped. "I'm not tampering with Paige's things! What the fuck is wrong with you?"_

_"Then whats the pool table?" Riley argued._

_"Its common furniture. She never touches it. That desk has been her family's forever."_

_Why do I get so fired up with this? Don't get me wrong, I love pissing Paige off sometimes... but I also love her. Its one thing to mess around on a pool table or in the hallway but it's another to compromise something that's so personal to her. Riley has known Paige way longer than I have so this is proof of how unsentimental men can be. Sex first think later. I bet you never expected me to be the one who cares so much._

_Riley shrugged his shoulders. "So?"_

_"You're an ass." I raised my eyebrows to drive that point home though I have a feeling this will be a repeated argument._

_"I'm sorry." Riley smiled proudly but it faded as his eyes softened._

_He ran his hands lightly up my sides and the black lace corset clinging to my body, gripping under my arms to pull me closer against his chest. He could try to be soft all he wanted but the moment passed quickly every time and if it didn't then...I would always make sure that it did. The last thing I need is a serious relationship and the only thing I needed from Riley was the passion of his touch. I don't have the time nor the energy to deal with the emotional side of anything and his head has plenty of things to focus on that are better than me. I'm just patiently waiting for the day when he wakes up on his own and realizes that he deserves better and until that day I'll be ready because I don't know how to be better for him. Its inevitable and only a matter of time before he leaves._

_"Have we tested this yet?" Riley rested his hands on the vintage pedestal sink, one on either side of me as he pressed my back into the cold porcelain. "I don't think we've tested this." He whispered huskily and swiped my hair from my shoulder, leaning in to kiss below my ear, tracing his mouth and tongue lightly over my jaw line. Too lightly when combined with soft words. I slipped out of his arms and took a deep breath, hating that I struggle to breathe around him sometimes._

_"I piss Paige off enough without breaking pieces of the train." I smiled and bit my bottom lip briefly. "I can handle breaking the smaller things like glass bottles and decor being thrown at you... but I'm not gonna break solid pieces that have been here forever."_

_"Who said we'd break it?" Riley smirk and inched closer._

_It's a move I know well. Its his 'I can't take no for an answer so now I'm gonna try to be cute and attack you like a St. Bernard' move. Not happening. He pulls this shit on Paige a lot and the first time he tried it on me he got knee'd and couldn't walk for hours so its amazing that he's resilient enough to be attempting this especially after being injured last night. In any case I can use it to my advantage because he a least seems to have forgotten the intricate pedestal sink that's probably hundreds of years old. His focus was on me and luckily distractions are my thing. I respect Paige too much to actually destroy all she really has left in home, even though she always has us...she's lost enough._

_My eyes flickered back to Riley's slick approach. "Oh no you don't." I reached and caught him by the ear, ripping him towards the door._

_"Baaabe..."_

_I sighed and ignored the string of profanities and whining leaving his lips as he frowned at me. Anything to get him away from the sink and the idea of breaking it but also because I don't take his bullshit and I think he depends on that sometimes to get what he wants._

_"Stop being such a fucking bitch!" I released him once we were back inside of the bedroom and turned to him. "Do you know how whiny you sound? You're like a child stamping your little foot when you don't get your way and I'm seriously not surprised every time Paige kicks your ass. Honestly I wish she'd do it more often but she just too nice. I'm not nice Riley I'm not gonna reward you for acting like a baby so just grow the fuck up and take the rejection!"_

_My body slammed into the carved wall as he pushed me back and I knew instantly that I had won. I knew exactly what to do to pull Riley away from the sweet kisses on my neck and thrust him into that more careless and numb place. Its easier this way and I think he knows it. Its easier than giving him false hope that I'm gonna stay with him forever because I don't know to do that and he always seems to forget. His lips found my neck again and this time the scraping of his teeth told me his head was in the right place._

_I gasped as his breath moved across my skin and gripped my fingers into his hair holding him just close enough for leverage. His hands moved faster now, down the strings on the front of the corset and with one tug he had loosened it enough to give himself visual before moving on to graze over the white cotton and black lace between my thighs. A moan left my throat and made me even more impatient than before. Dropping my hands I ran them quickly down the front of his black t-shirt and wrapped around the hem, pulling it up over his head before his lips actually managed to find mine. His tongue melted into my mouth and ignited the string of deeper feelings that I quickly pushed away by biting his lower lip and coaxing a moan from his throat. He brought his hand up to my stomach and shoved me harder into the wall as he sucked my tongue into his mouth. The dizzying effect made my knees cave but I struggled to keep him from seeing that. Seeing it would be counter productive and I'm the one calling the shots here. While he was attempting to slow down...I was craving the opposite. I ran my nails over the muscles of his stomach, pulling at the draw string of his flannel pants and biting his lip harder until I tasted the metallic on my tongue._

_"Fuck, Mar." He groaned and his eyes furrowed as they burned into me panting heavily against the wall._

_"Exactly." I sighed impatiently. "What's the problem?"_

_I smiled in victory and bit my lip as he slipped his hand down and wrapped around the thin white cotton, pushing it aside while using his weight to pin me completely. Riley gripped my thigh, bringing it up higher against the wall. He adjusted himself with his free hand and my eyes rolled back as he sunk down slightly and slid easily into my body, ripping all oxygen from my lungs in one sharp cry. This feeling never old, the feeling of someone else filling you completely. More than just physically and in more ways than I could ever admit to Riley or to myself. We have a good thing going and I've seen 'good things' fail. This is working. What Riley and I have has worked for years._

_"Shit..." I cringed and slammed my head back against the wall as he moved into me. Somehow I'd never gotten use to the pain that came in such a good way from my body shaping itself to him._

_His green eyes met mine briefly, loving my reaction before he reached down and pulled my other leg up, wrapping them around his back so he could drive deeper and press me into the wall. That sinfully good stabbing shot once up my back then vanished as we fell into a faster pace. As seconds passed his breathing grew more ragged and mine was pulled from my body with each thrust as he used his hands to bring me down harder each time. I cried out and tugged at Riley's dark hair as pressure coiled around my center. He smiled when he felt my body begin to clamp down around him and in response he moaned and shifted his hand to the bundle of nerves between my legs, pressing softly as he continued the steady pace of his hips and sending a shudder through every nerve in my body as I found release at his fingertips._

_"Fu.." His lips found mine again, silencing my scream and smiling into my mouth._

_"Are you okay?" He whispered against my lips, slowing the strokes of his hand and his hips as the waves crashed through my body. He gasped and his eyes darkened when he felt slick heat coat his skin. "Marle.."_

_I silenced his words with my tongue and pulled him closer, rocking against him as my body calmed. He's too proud about his abilities sometimes but him whispering my name is something that tries to pull at broken pieces and stitch them together again without my consent. It's still my nature to dominate and drown out the things that scare me. The things that I can't bring myself to believe._

_I shifted and pushed him back so that he'd release his hold on me, dropping my legs back to floor. I like it this way. Keeping our pleasure separate from each other's was what worked the best for me because it lacked the closeness that I'd seen fall apart too many times. Riley, being a guy, never seemed to notice but I'm always careful. I need him but I don't want to need him because one day soon...he'll realize he doesn't need me. I plan on continuing with my process of denial because the alternative for me is far worse._

_I brought my hands up and shoved him in the chest, making him stumble back though he didn't fall. I consider that a failure on my part. Slipping my fingers under the waist band of my shorts I worked them down and off of my legs, keeping my smile in my head as I watched his focus fail. Might as well go overboard on this one, he seems a little more sensitive today. I tugged lightly at the strings of the corset, loosening the threading down my chest and stopped just above my navel. That was all the distraction I needed and I knew it when his breathing picked up._

_Inching closer I shoved him again and this time he crashed back onto the red carpet. I moved quickly, straddling his hips and greeting him again. The position pulled a loud groan from my throat and a sharp gasp from his lips as he brought his hands to my waist and pulled me down harder. My chest caved forward from the blow and I buried him in long waves of brown hair. His mouth moved instantly back to my neck, scraping his teeth and soothing with his tongue. He was content staying there usually but his lips were searching for my mouth now and my fight was weakening. I gave in and kissed him the way he really wanted until the stinging in my eyes became a threat. All I could focus on was the movement of my body and his needs, blocking out my own feelings for the sake of following my own rules. The recoiling around my center was lost to me as I struggled to fight it away, pushing it back and thinking only of him._

_His arms wrapped around my back and my eyes fell on his shoulder and the purple bruise from being thrown by Ember. It bled under his skin into the colors of the snake on his arm, next to the small jagged scar, making my jaw clench because my rules were trying to fail me so much lately. The way my mind was telling my heart not to care and every time I'm around him it gets harder to convince myself that I make sense. I twisted my fingers into his hair tightly to take out the anger I was feeling towards myself for thinking the way I do and as Riley's hips jerked he slipped away and I slumped forward into him completely, desperate to hide the burn behind my eyes that was only made worse by the peppery scent found in the crook of his neck. Riley's chest panted as he ran his fingers softly up the lace on my back again, bunching his hand lightly into my long curls, trying to bury himself more. I pulled myself away from his arms and smiled at him weakly as I recovered my shorts from the floor and tugged the strings tight against my chest. It usually wasn't this hard. I've had years to perfect my walls and make sure they were structurally sound to keep myself safe. Somethings different now, somethings changed. I can't pinpoint the problem so I moved away before my barriers could crash down completely. Something about the way Paige was hurt and survived should have made me believe that I was strong enough but the image of her in pain was just too fresh in my mind. I have no idea how to change the habits that were created as I watched her cry in her sleep._

_I glanced over at Riley still recuperating on the floor and walk over to the closet, pulling a blanket down from the shelf and turning to him again. His arm is draped over his eyes as his breathing slows and it's all I have in me not to fall down beside him and hold him. It's all I can do to keep myself from burying my face in his neck or kissing the purple bruise on his shoulder. I clench my jaw and walk over, draping the white blanket over his body before turning away and grabbing my ripped jeans from the end of the bed._

_Closing the bathroom door quietly behind me I turn back to the mirror and pick up the crimson lipstick from the porcelain sink. Nobody is forcing Riley to be here with me and maybe one day he'll wake up and realize that I can't be everything he deserves because im not brave enough to risk being hurt the way Paige was. That alternative that I mentioned? ...I'm not as strong as Paige. I wouldn't be able to come back the way she did. The only comfort I have is seeing the way Emily makes Paige smile. I already love her for being able to do that._

* * *

Arms tightened around her stomach, coaxing her eyes to open and face the scent of warm sugar enveloping her nose and the heat pressed into her body. She should feel stiff from sleeping without moving all night but the soft grass paired with her arms wrapped around Emily's shoulders was the most comfortable place in the world. Craning her neck to look down her eyes fell on raven hair sprawled across her chest and Emily's hand placed lightly under the hem of her shirt, resting on the bare skin of her stomach like she had been seeking warmth in the night. The inside of the tent was sweltering at the moment though, humid from the morning sun beating down and igniting the red stripes hanging above. There was a hint of the blue watery light that could still be picked out against the white lines. She could hear workers beginning to move around outside of the tent though the inside was still quiet and still.

Her heart rate increased the longer Emily's fingers stayed on the flat of her stomach but she willed it to slow down. Emily was laying on her chest and every part of her was sure the thundering of her heartbeat would wake her up. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes, focusing on short quiet breaths to steady her pulse. After a few minutes Emily shifted and stretched against her side but she kept herself still. She smiled lightly when she felt Emily's hand jerk away, unaware of where she had placed it somewhere in the night. It was cute and made her cheeks heat up because she could tell without opening her eyes that Emily was likely blushing. Her eyes opened in surprise when Emily placed her hand back on her stomach, under her shirt again, bringing the heat with her fingertips to an already hot arena. Emily shifted herself up off the grass, pressing into her stomach as she sat up and looked around.

"Hey." She whispered, calling Emily's eyes to meet her own. Emily had the most beautiful smile on her lips as she brought herself instantly back down on the grass beside her.

"Are we allowed to be sleeping out here all night?" Emily chuckled, bringing her arms over her head as she arched her back off of the grass to stretch.

"We can sleep wherever we want." She smiled, letting her eyes glide shamelessly over Emily's exposed hip. It seemed fair considering Emily's hand had been on her stomach all night.

"I guess that's a benefit of owning everything."

"No that's also a benefit of being an adult without a curfew. But yes...owning it all helps though I don't own all the fields and I would have slept out there too."

"We should." Emily nodded and curled up against her side again.

"We definitely should." She agreed, closing her arms tightly around Emily's body and kissing the top of her head. Emily's hand grazed across her stomach again. She sucked in involuntarily and laughed when it grumbled under her touch. "Okay, I'm hungry." She smiled and shifted up out of Emily's arms pulling herself up from the grass.

"I am too." Emily pulled herself up before she could offer her assistance and smiled proudly.

"Okay so food first." She sighed, looking towards the now empty food table as she frowned.

"Ladies?" They followed the voice to the archway of the tent to see Mary standing arms crossed biting back an amused smile. "Breakfast is ready."

"Thanks." Emily called. Her cheeks flushed but she duck her head and moved immediately in Mary's direction. She followed slowly behind, tucking her hands in her front pockets for some reason, exactly like a child being caught after curfew. The irony.

"Are you seriously making her sleep outside, Paigey?" Mary raised her eyebrows and looked sympathetically at Emily. "She has a bed, Emily. Don't let her fool you."

"Its my fault. I fell asleep first."

"Yes, thanks mom." She added, stopping beside Emily with a smile.

"Yeah well this 'mom'.." Mary waved her hand in front of her face and smiled. "..made you food so be nice."

"Thank you." She caved.

Mary smile as she turned on her heels and walked back out of the tent. "Eat and then I'm stealing her." She sang.

"I assume you're not referring to me?" She shouted.

"Why would I want to steal you Paige? I already own you." Mary laughed shaking her head as she disappeared outside.

"Its true. She owns everybody." She agreed sadly, smiling at Emily with a heavy sigh. "Don't let her own you though."

Emily laughed and shook her head. "Hey if she owns you then what chance do I have?"

She sighed again and slipped her arm around Emily's waist. "You're right. There's no hope for you. Despite Mary's bad shopping skills when it comes to food she's a really good cook so she's always forgiven for discrepancies."

Emily was still laughing when she pulled open the hatch door of the kitchen. "Yea my parents found them up by the engine and apparently they relieved the engineer and accidentally locked on the brakes."

"So much fun." Mary smiled proudly as they entered kitchen. "They shouldn't make that button so easy to hit."

"It's creepy how much you hear." She shook her head and gestured for Emily to sit at a bar stool along the counter. "And its a handle not a button. its impossible to just hit. You have to lift and twist it and then press it in. How the hell did you guys manage that?"

"Skills, babe." Riley grinned, dropping down into the chair beside Emily.

"I hope that you're calling Mary 'babe' because we've already discussed what would happen if you called me that again."

"Please, Ember already kicked my ass." Riley sighed. "Then you proceeded to kick my ass and then my mom put me in my place..."

"And then I put you in your place." Mary smiled "Paige!" She called tossing a large pancake through the air like a frisbee.

She caught them midair with the plate and smiled, grabbing another plate just as Mary tossed another one.

"And exactly what place would that be?" Riley teased, grabbing a pancake from Mary's plate and slapping it down on his own.

"Yeah I'd rather not hear about that thanks..." She sighed, sliding a plate to Emily before turning to the refrigerator.

Mary smiled and ignored her protest. "Well, I was thinking we could..."

"Please don't answer that while we're eating. Or ever." She pleaded, taking a bite as she leaned into the counter across from Emily.

Emily was sitting quietly, observing as her head snapped back and forth between everyone. "Where's Peter?"

Mary snorted and shook her head. "Sydneys probably putting him in his place too."

"Damnit!" She choked on a bite of pancake and slide the plate back onto the counter, turning quickly to spit it into the sink before it became permanently lodged in her airway. "Why can't you people have polite table conversations?"

"This is a counter...not a table." Riley pointed out, enjoying the bite in his mouth while she was washing hers down the sink. Typical.

Mary appeared beside her at the sink and slapped her back, placing a bottle of orange juice on the counter beside her. "Seriously what do you think they're doing? He doesn't have anyone on the train to take care of his needs like we all do."

This time it was Emily that choked and had her slapping Mary in the arm. "Really?" She glared and shook her head in disbelief as she handed the bottle of juice to Emily instead. "I'm sorry." She mumbled.

"Apologize to me one more time and I'm gonna have to put you in your place." Emily smiled, taking a drink of the orange juice.

"I think you just did, Ems." Mary chuckled.

Her mouth fell open slightly as Emily blushed and ate a piece of bacon on her plate. She was only half aware of Mary giving her a playful nudge in the arm and even less aware when Riley left the room and Emily and Mary picked up a conversation between themselves. She wasn't present for any of it. Her mind wasn't anyways. She crinkled her eyebrows down at the food on her plate and picked at small bites. Her thoughts were running away from her from just one little suggestive comment and while it wasn't a bad thing it made her feel completely out of control. Its unreal when the person you thought of almost everyday for years is sitting before you and blending in perfectly with your family and she wants you just as much as you want her. She cleaned her plate quietly and proceeded to clean up the kitchen without even realizing it. She had to stop herself from putting bacon in the cabinet and syrup in the dishwasher. It was easy to assume that using it as dish detergent might be counter productive to the cleaning process.

"Paige?" Peter called, sticking his head in the door with a smile. "Sydney is still looking for you."

She swallowed hard at being pulled from the daze she had been moving around the kitchen in for the last twenty minutes. "Okay tell her I'm on my way." She nodded, tossing a hand towel back to the counter.

"Meet me in the commons in little bit?" Mary smiled at Emily and pulled herself from her stool. "I have to track down the girls first."

"Yeah, sounds good." Emily nodded, finishing the last few bites on her plate.

Mary stopped beside her at the sink to clean her plate. She kept her voice a soft whisper for their ears only. "I like seeing you happy, Paige." She smiled lightly and stepped back a few paces before turning through the door.

Her heart sank in that moment because it was suddenly so clear that Emily was right about Mary. She had failed to see that something might be bothering one of the most important people in her life. Mary was the girl who had been there for her and how had she returned that favor? By failing to pay attention and by failing to realize that a moment of pain and confusion may have very well hurt one of the only people she had left that loves her.

"Mary wants me to try some costumes and throw around ideas." Emily smiled, moving around the bar counter towards the sink

"That's good." She nodded and stole the plate from Emily's hand before she could try to rinse it. "I've gotta go find Sydney and work out a few things but I'll wait with you until she gets back."

"Uh no." Emily shook her head and leaned her back into the counter. "You don't have to. I'm gonna take a shower and change so you do what you have to do and I'll be fine."

"Why?" Her shoulders sunk in disappointment.

"Because you have things to do and I can find my way around." Emily tilted her head to the side and bit lightly on her bottom lip, planning her next words carefully. "Am I what makes you happy?"

Something about Emily's smile in that moment had her moving herself closer before she could stop to think. One hand went to her neck and the other went to her hip as she pressed her back into the counter. She only hesitated for a second before her lips and it was Emily who closed that gap. The fever at which she burned into her mouth was different from the kisses they'd shared before, more eager and full of need to touch and taste. She wanted to learn every flick of Emily's tongue over hers. Emily's hand dropped to the flat of her stomach, toying with the hem of her shirt and tracing her fingers over her skin before tugging her closer by the button of her jeans. She moved one hand into Emily's hair and the other she guided slowly under her shirt, dragging it lightly up her side and stopping short when her finger tips touched lace.

It instantly became clear why Mary and Riley had issues with holding themselves back because Emily was right. She knew Emily was right because she couldn't keep herself from trying to get closer to the girl she...

Emily gasped and broke away, panting as she slumped back into the counter, shaking her head to clear her thoughts. She understood Emily's need to do this because she was doing the same thing at the moment only she was slumping into Emily's body as her lungs tried to relax.

"Use your words, McCullers." She smiled, her eyes closed as she sucked in a weak breath.

"Ye.." Emily pressed a light kiss to her lips, cutting off her reply before breaking away again.

"Go." She smiled. "I have to find Mary and you have to find Sydney so please go."

She sighed heavily and dropped her head in defeat. "I know." Her words were more of a growl but she stepped back and grabbed two apples from the bowl on the counter. "Improv today sometime, you'll love it. I'll find you when I'm done with Sydney so please don't let the girls ruin you."

"Never." Emily smiled and pushed her back off the counter, smiling as she grabbed her bottle of juice and twisted the cap. "Hurry."

The sun was higher in the sky now and the grounds were becoming more crowded with people. It was getting hotter and none of it had anything to do with the sun, unless Emily was the sun. In that case the fire across her skin was most definitely caused by the sun. The gates were open by now and that meant a busy day was ahead of them thanks to Riley's firework display. The smaller tents were already opening and the scent of popcorn and sugar hung in the air. She rolled the apples lightly between her hands as she walked. It was time consuming walking from the train to the offices while fighting crowds, and she had a pit stop to make first. Several small children had to be dodged while others threatened to bring her to the ground as they hugged her legs when she passed or just tried to trip her intentionally. She moved by a small group of girls her age and ducked her head as she slipped by, avoiding their eyes along with dodging a cute little married couple that pushed past her. A few hugs later from neighbors and ten high fives for the kids and she had cleared most of the masses. Peter caught her eyes and smiled. He was leading Ember with a finger twisted in his mane, saving her the trouble of making her planned detour.

"Hey I was gonna bring him closer for Emily. I thought she'd want to see him."

"Did you or do you just want to test the 'through'?" She smiled sarcastically, holding the apple out for Ember.

"Well, I mean if she wants to try its better if he's close." Peter shrugged.

She was glad Ember polished off the apple quickly. "I hate you." She sighed, slapping the other apple into Peter's hand as she pushed around him and continuing her walk to Sydney's office.

"Paige!" He called, earning himself a flip of her finger over her shoulder. He should know better than to think she would be okay with Emily jumping through an inferno ring that was barely wider than Ember's body.

Sydney was head of the administration office and she, along with a few others, handled business while they were away. Paperwork and bills and filing away schedules. Sydney had also been bothering her with inspections that were coming up, among other things. Everything was routine and inspections passed with flying colors but the amount of paperwork was irritating and with Emily nearby it was even more aggravating to be away from her side for any reason let alone signing papers for hours. The only benefit that came from this was the chance of avoiding the person she now knew was on the grounds. If she was locked up in the office then Cassie would hopefully be gone before she was done and the fact that Emily would be with Mary was a comforting thought. Cassie wouldn't be stupid enough to get too close to Mary but then again they're drawn to each other like magnets that want to kill someone. Usually only each other in a very blood-filled way.

* * *

She slipped quickly into a pair of light jeans and a pale pink tank top. It would be easy to remove if she had to for sizing costumes but it was also thin enough that it could possibly be left on without getting in the way. After slipping into her boots she stopped in front of the mirror and it was startling to see her appearance. Her mind when back to Rosewood when she had avoided the mirror so she wouldn't have to see the aftermath of her hangover. The changes now were only for the better. Her eyes looked brighter without a trace of dark circles, which was surprising considering she hadn't even slept in a bed. She could still feel Paige pressed against her body and soft grass beneath her back. She could feel the rush of feelings that came when Paige created water out of light. How it made her feel safe because Paige was holding her. The color of her cheeks was brighter now too, just a hint of the pink to match the shirt she was wearing. She swallowed the dryness in her throat and brushed her hair, learning that her fingers were trembling at just the thoughts. So much deeper than physical and so scary at the same time to feel so much for someone she just met. That was Paige though. From the second she saw the picture in her hands there was something different.

The shaking in her hands was gone by the last stroke of the brush. She smiled lightly and pulled her damp hair into a messy bun, leaving tendrils hanging down. Most of that was because her thoughts were so far from being in the current moment, all she could think about was Paige pressing her into the counter and want it fueled inside of her. Touching Paige was like touching a person for the first time, like she had gone her whole life without making physical contact with anyone and then suddenly she was touching perfection in somebody else. It was hard to concentrate on anything other the way they had touched each other in the kitchen. A passion and desire pulling them closer to each other without even having to try. It was effortless and natural. A primal urge to touch Paige in ways she hadn't touched anyone in a long time. Even an hour later the feeling was strong. It wasn't fleeting...it was embedded. The thing she'd learned over the last week was the capability of her heart and how unlimited it could really be. She learned how she could trust in herself to move forward with her life again and the direction had never been more clear.

She grabbed her phone from the floor beside the door and was surprised to see no missed messages but it also made her feel guilty for once again failing to call her parents the day before. She owed them an explanation. Two buttons later and the phone rang. One ring and her mom's voice sounded through the speaker.

"Emily? Thank God are you okay?"

"Yeah mom I'm fine. Better than fine actually."

"Where are you? What are you doing?"

"I'm in Lincoln." she sighed. "What did Hanna tell you I'm doing?"

"Hanna won't tell me anything except that you joined a circus with tattooed guys and naked women and some girl that's witty like she is. I personally wouldn't describe Hanna as witty though." she could tell her mom was shaking her head in confusion. "Also something about buying a zoo and her wanting breast implants which for the life of me I can't figure out how that relates to a circus or a zoo but just please promise me you aren't getting any."

"I'm not getting any."

"Okay good now explain the rest."

"Her name is..."

"Is this a circus that mistreats animals because she said something about tigers starving?"

"No Hanna just..."

"And is this an actual career? Did you put in your two weeks with the stables or did you just quit?"

"Mom!" She snapped, forcing a deep breath. Her mind couldn't begin to process the speed in which her mother's mouth was moving. "Give me a minute and let me answer the first twenty questions you asked."

"Sorry go ahead."

"Yes its a career path. Brian was getting rid of Ember and I met a girl who used to live in Rosewood. She moved away in high-school and their family circus was in town. She was willing to take Ember so he wouldn't have to go to auction."

"Brian was sending him to auction? Why? He's a show horse."

I know. It's because his owners werent paying their bill. She was gonna take him in for me but then I just...she was leaving..." She cut off her own words. It hurt even now remembering the pain she felt when Paige wrote her a check and drove away.

"What's wrong Emmy?"

"I havent been happy in a long time except when I'm with Ember but then...she somehow made me happy. She made me smile and really laugh and..."

"I asked you what's wrong not what's right."

"Nothings wrong but.. "

"Not buts Emily." Her mom scolded. "If you're happy then there's no stumbling around with your words. You don't have to explain your feelings to me. They're yours and if..."

"Do you think there's a 'too soon' to love somebody?"

"No Emmy, I don't think there is. You've had years to learn what you need and now you're trusting yourself for a change."

"Yeah I am."

"So no animals starving just tattooed men and naked women?"

she laughed at how quickly her mom was distracted. "That's just Hanna being Hanna. The animals are fine. Riley has one tattoo that I know of and Mary wears clothes... just not bras...usually."

"Hannas a bit dramatic." She could see her mom rolling her eyes from here. "So what is this? When are we gonna see you? I'm guessing you won't be home for Christmas this year?"

"Why not?"

"Well I don't know... are you traveling year round or?"

"No its just into October. I'm gonna be riding Ember in the show but we're still figuring it all out. I should definitely be home for Christmas probably sooner."

"I want to see you riding. Are you gonna be close to Fort Hood?"

"I don't know maybe. I'll have to ask and find out but I'll call you."

"Okay. I gotta go Emmy, I'm supposed to be meeting you dad for lunch and I have a few errands first but please call when you can and I want contact numbers for someone that's around you in case there's an emergency so text me."

"You know how to text?"

"No not really but I know how to read them. You might only get a smiley face back from me."

"What about the rest of the questions you asked? Do you want me to call back later today?"

"You already told me the most important thing Emily. Just from hearing your voice I can tell that you're happy."

"Yeah." She sighed. "Yeah I am happy."

"What's her name?"

"Paige." Just saying her name made her smile.

"See...I can hear you smiling."

"I love you mom. I'll call soon and I'll get contact info for you."

"I love you too. Wait... did you turn the thermostat down before you left?"

"Yeah and I locked up and gave Hanna the spare."

"Oh dear Lord." She sighed. "Okay, well she can stay there if shes in town I guess but you still have your key right? It's still home, Emily."

"I still have it but it's not the right home for me now." She peeked out her small window and smiled. "Okay I gotta go too mom, I'll call you soon.

"Take care of each other, Emmy."

Her smile widened. "We will."

She glanced out the window again and tossed her phone onto the bed on her way out the door. The commons room was deserted and so was the kitchen which meant she had some time to kill until Mary showed up and that meant that she could spend some time what she saw outside of her bedroom window. Sunlight and warmth poured in through the open hatch door and she smiled when she jumped down to the ground. Deep brown eyes turned to her and watched her approach, his dark coat shimmering red in the daylight. There was a small stake in the ground acting as a makeshift hitching post and a red rope was draped loosely over his neck. It wouldn't have done anything to hold him if he pulled away but Peter likely wanted the illusion that the animals weren't just free to roam over the grounds when there were so many people around. Ember didn't mind leads or saddles and all of the choices to not use them were purely hers but having him safe was better than him getting lost or injured by roaming off. There were too many roads nearby and cars moving through the busy parking lot.

"Hey, baby." She smiled, running her fingers over the length of his neck and tracing her them over the red rope. It was soft and velvety like the ones used to rope off red carpet events or seats at old movie theatres. The only thing she thought of was the jacket. Everything else ever made from this color and fabric paled in comparison.

"He's beautiful."

She turned and looked over her shoulder towards the voice, her eyes falling on chestnut hair and hazel eyes. A girl stood a few feet away, close to her own age with hesitation in her eyes as she looked at Ember. One hand was tucked in the back pocket of her cutoff denim skirt and she scuffed her ankle high cowgirl boots into the dry dirt ground. The warm wind blew her long hair from her shoulders as she smiled at him.

"Thanks." She smiled proudly and looked back to him, stroking her fingers down his nose. He's gorgeous obviously and she still was disgusted by how his owners could have abandoned him the way they did. Dutch warm blood was one the best breeds for show horses and they excelled at jump obstacles. That excited her more when she thought about their act. Fiery rings and barriers was perfect for them.

Movement behind her pulled her out of her thoughts as she turned back to the girl who was now turning away. There were a group of a few other girls waiting nearby chatting among themselves and she forced herself to focus and remember that this was a business that was open to the public and she was part of that business. Her job was to entertain people and she felt bad for failing at that task already.

"You can pet him if you want. I'm not trying to be rude. I'm sorry."

The girl turned around and smiled. "Really?"

"Yeah I'm sorry I just get wrapped up in him sometimes." She smiled lightly and continued her strokes.

"No problem, I mean look at him. It's easy to see why." She inched closer and the wind kicked up the watermelon scent of her bubblegum. "Is he yours?"

"Yeah." She nodded and watched as the girl extended her fingers slowly towards his nose, introducing herself to him before touching. "His owners abandoned him at the stables I worked at so I bought him."

She stepped back so that the girl could pet him, watching as she ran her fingers down Ember's nose. His skin twitched slightly as he looked away passively. He was used to other people and genuinely unphased for the most part. Her eyes flickered over to the bucket of water Peter had set out for him and she smiled when she noticed an apple sitting on a small bale of hay.

"That's unbelievable. My parents own show horses and he's perfect." The girl's smile faltered when her fingers grazed over the gold braid and feathers in Ember's hair. "Are you from here? I havent seen you around before and I know a lot of people."

"No, Pennsylvania actually." She corrected.

"Cool." She smiled and dropped her hand from Ember, crossing her arms casually over her chest. An emerald-green t-shirt clung tight to her body with a faded out vintage logo of an old auto shop. "I've never been but I've heard it beautiful."

"Its overrated." She smiled. "I like it better here."

"It's too hot and dull here actually..." She smirked, raising her eyebrows. "...and the girls from Pennsylvania are beautiful so I might have to visit."

Her breath hitched uneasily as she cleared her throat and adjusted the rope around Ember's neck. "Matter of opinion I guess. Personally there's nothing I want there."

"Well, you're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup lines."

She chuckled and shook her head in disbelief. "Okay that was seriously cheesy."

"Yeah but did it work?"

"Its sweet but no. Not at all." She looked at the girl apologetically. It wasnt in her nature to be rude if she didn't have to be and she seemed nice enough but her mind was completely wrapped around Paige and that's exactly where she wanted it to be. Thinking of anyone else was the furthest thing from her mind in fact it was nonexistent. "I'm seeing somebody." she added.

"She's a lucky girl." She looked over her shoulder at the group of girls waiting for her, one them waving her hand for her to hurry up. "Seeing somebody has never stopped me and my girlfriend though."

"I'm actually the lucky one." She corrected, suddenly agitated by this girls words. "I have everything I need in her. You and your girlfriend must not."

"Just you saying that proves she's the lucky one. But where's the fun in having everything you need and not wanting more?" The girl smiled and glanced at the train, dropping her arm from Ember's neck as her smile faded. "Hope to see you around, Pennsylvania."

She smiled halfheartedly and watched the girl join her friends, crinkling her eyebrows when she wrapped her arm around another girl's hips and tucked her hand into the back pocket of her jeans. She shook her head and pitied this girl's way of thinking. She knew seven years of wanting someone by her side and that girl clearly didn't realize how good she could have it. She couldn't put into words how lucky she felt to not only have someone now...but to have the right someone. She felt bad for anyone that had to go through life without their very own Paige. Also the way she was given a nickname of a state she didn't even like was annoying and obnoxious.

"Awwwweee."

She turned to see Mary smiling in the kitchen doorway making her instantly forget the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach. She had forgotten that Mary still hadn't met Ember and the encounter was likely to be adorable. Theres no way Mary would smother Ember and regardless Ember would probably be more than okay with leaving this world if it meant he was being loved on by her. Mary's smile told her she was in a loving mood.

* * *

**Coffee Shop- Landon Pigg**** (Paily) {I do not own these Lyrics}**

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you

I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down, I wanna come too

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

No one understands me quite like you do

Through all of the shadowy corners of me

I never knew just what it was

About this old coffee shop I love so much

All of the while I never knew

I never knew just what it was

About this old coffee shop I love so much

All of the while I never knew

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you

I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine, now I'm shining too

Because, oh, because I've fallen quite hard over over you

If I didn't know you, I'd rather not know

If I couldn't have you, I'd rather be alone

I never knew just what it was

About this old coffee shop I love so much

All of the while I never knew

I never knew just what it was

About this old coffee shop I love so much

All of the while I never knew

All of the while, all of the while it was you

* * *

**Maybe I'm Just Tired- As Tall As Lions (Marley) [I do not own these Lyrics}**

If love comes your way

Don't be afraid

Unlock the box your heart's encased

Hope it wont change

Beware of the games

That she'll want to start playing

Oh, lately babe I stay awake thinking this life gets lonely

Well maybe I'm just scared

Scared to let you go

I want you to know

Right from hello your love just kept me wondering

Well maybe I'm just tired

Tired of never knowing, yeah

But I know I'm not good enough

I know I'm not good enough for you

Yeah I know I'm not good enough

I know I'm not good enough for you

If I can be saved

Show me the way

Help me help myself, baby

Don't be confused

Our love is true

Tell by the way I'm looking at you

Maybe I'm just tired

Tired of never knowing

Cause I know I'm not good enough

I know I'm not good enough for you Yeah I know I'm not good enough

Yeah I know I'm not good enough for you

But I know I'm not good enough

I know I'm not good enough for you

Yeah I know I'm not good enough

I know I'm not good enough for you


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note:** I don't even have words to really describe why this chapter is a favorite of mine so I won't try but Thank you all for bearing with me and waiting patiently while I worked to rewrite lost sections of Chapter 16. Now that it's in good standing I hope you all enjoy 15!

**Saii79** thank you for putting up with my crazy ideas time and time again. You're welcome for killing you and you can tell me "NO" anytime. Youre seriously the sweetest and most patient girl in the world.

**Lainierb** you are my best friend and I love you so much. Thank you for always being there for me and distracting me with our unofficialbusiness so flawlessly. Malayan Mare Mediator & Monster...next order of business I promise! _#4M_

**shokoshik** you are truly amazing and such a blessing. I'm so thankful for all of the help and advice you give me when I'm struggling. I love over analyzing and I always trust your opinion.

**Alitheplatypus** My dear Aussie girl ;) I love talking to you and ugh...youre the like the little fighter on my shoulder when caveman attacks. I love you and I'm so happy your skittles are improving. Please never stop making me laugh and smile...you do it so wonderfully

**A_Joyce_** Thank you for being so sweet and for creating that insanely awkward yet AMAZING 3:33 video for us! you rock and im surprised you still talk to me at all lol. Enjoy #2BG!

**Checkerboard321** I love your emails! they get me through the day smiling and I love talking to you at 3am (my time) about trip and all of the randomness! so much fun! Kill those Mechs!

**silentwonder510** I'll try to supply ample cussing in every chapter and I'll refrain from digging into Peter's sex life even though i'd love to ;p You always make me laugh. Please don't stop.

**JMHarder22 **Girl you're so funny and make me smile. Thank you for the support and interest in the story!

**A final important shout out to my Nate-Like stalker**! Thank you for being an idiot and making me laugh with your effortless butchering of words in general. Q.)"why u no like Maya?" a.)Who the fuck is Maya? But at least the only time she made Em cry was when she died...always thinking of herself...ENJOY THIS PAILY LOVE STORY!

**To All of the girls that have a special appreciation for Marley the way that I do...** _#MarleyBaby #MarleyRides #MostAmazingGirlAward_

Reviews are greatly appreciated and I always do my best to reply to all of them. I enjoy talking to you all about the story and any questions you may have.

_#WhiteOut #Emary #17months #McCullen #ThereForYou #TellThem #HelplessBlue #EmilysReason_

* * *

_"Wake up!"_

_I threw open the wood door, letting it crash into the wall, and took in the state of the girl's room. I have some things to do before meeting up with Emily for dresses and this is one of them, actually the only one. The girls would never make the improv if they slept any longer and sadly its up to me to keep them in line sometimes._

_Clothes littered the floor and the blinds were shut which made walking hazardous. I tripped over several pairs of heels on my way to open the window and avoided rolling over an empty wine bottle, saving myself from a broken ankle or worse. That kind of injury would throw me out of the show and throw Paige into a raging fit. I'd have to kill the girls quickly to spare them from the slow torturous death that Paige would put them through... but then again it could be amusing to watch. As soon as I made it through the mess and pulled the string, casting bright sunlight across the room, several moans of protest sounded from the bed behind me which had me sighing and shaking my head. Yes you heard me right. Several moans and bed in the singular._

_And everyone thinks I'm easy._

_"Rise and shine, Ladies!" I grabbed the blanket on the bed and ripped it off, glaring down at the girls and two of the guys that work in the warehouse._

_"Shit Mary..." Sadie whined, making no attempt to cover her naked body as she pulled her pillow up over her face._

_"Get up!" I slapped the guys on the ass and they groaned and covered themselves. "Please boys I see bigger on a daily basis and no it's not cold in here so let's go! Get your pants or not, just get out." They grabbed their jeans from the floor and darted out into the hallway. I couldn't keep from admiring the backside view. "Cute picks girls though I'd lose the scrawny blonde next time and go with one of the tan stable boys. I find they're better with their hands."_

_Faye at least had some modesty and by that I mean she covered her breasts with her hands. Why she felt they were more important than her vagina is beyond me but whatever. Girl power._

_"Fuck Mary, we're home so why are you waking us up? Down days remember?"_

_I walked over to the dresser and grabbed two handfuls of random fabric out of the top drawer, it didn't really matter what it was and it would have to work regardless._

_"Oh I'm sorry." I frowned, tossing the array of colors at their faces. The different shades of pink lace and red satins rained down on their bodies as they whined. "Its nine and I've been up for two fucking hours already while you two have been recovering from a roaming orgy so please tell me why I should feel bad for you. And that's rhetorical because I really don't give a shit."_

_I bent down and grabbed random jeans and shirts from the floor and tossed them on the bed before turning to their vanity to pick over their extensive supply of body products. And I mean extensive. Settling on a dark blue eyeliner I leaned into the mirror to apply even lines around my eyes before dropping it to the counter to flip through stacks of tiny shadows and glitter dust palettes, choosing a ruby and royal blue to smoke around my eyes. I could hear movement behind me as they got dressed and several profanities that had me smiling proudly._

_"Damnit I'm tired and sor..."_

_"Don't say you're sore from fucking two guys?!" I turned to her in mock horror but she just looked oblivious as she pulled a white lace tank top over her head, fanning out her flame red hair down her back. "No way Sadie! You know actually..." I brushed mascara over my eyelashes. "...I heard that means you're out of shape and you should probably add a third next time. You know, just to really break yourself in." I shook my head in disbelief and grabbed a lip gloss from the counter, immediately dropping it back down because nothing in me wanted my lips near where theirs lips had been._

_I could feel Sadie glaring into my back. "If I don't understand your snarky jabs at a normal hour then nine in the morning should be off-limits."_

_"As much as we all hate it nine is a normal hour, Genius." Faye sighed, slipping into a pair of jeans._

_"Bitch!" Sadie tossed a pillow at Faye and shielded herself when it flew right back towards her._

_I threw my hands up and ducked as one whizzed past my head._

_"Seriously?" I snapped "This is why guys think all women do is prance around in their panties and throw fucking pillows that eventually bust open and litter the room with feathers! Calm your shit because I'm not about to be in the middle of your little half-naked stereotype."_

_Faye gave up and retreated into the bathroom but Sadie tossed another pillow that smacked me in the back._

_"Loosen up Mary!"_

_"You're already loose enough for everyone." I ignored the pillow and picked up something I recognized. "Is this mine?" I turned to face her and held out the small red tube._

_"Yeah its good." She smiled, laying back on the edge of the bed as she wiggled her naked hips into a pair of cut off shorts. Commando was a favorite around here._

_"Are you fucking kidding me?" I snapped. "Where did you get this?"_

_"It was on your dresser." She shrugged and slipped into a pair of slouch boots._

_"Why the hell were you in my room?"_

_"I told you I couldn't find my brush and you have three." Sadie stood up from the bed and walked over beside her to begin a lengthy make-up process, trying to ignore me glaring at her. She gave up trying quickly and turned to me. "What Mary? It's just a fucking lip gloss. What's the big deal?"_

_I smiled and set the tube into her hands as I turned away and moved towards the door. "It's actually called Virginity." I corrected, stopping in the doorway and turning back to face her. She was already puckering her lips in the mirror and applying an even coat. "It's not lip gloss it's edible cherry. I roll it wherever I want Riley's tongue or on the places he wants mine."_

_I turned and disappeared down the hallway, smiling as I heard bottles of perfume and lotions crash to the floor. I probably should have told her that it was new and hadn't been used yet and definitely that it was indeed just lip gloss but doing that wouldn't be as effective at keeping her out of my fucking bedroom and honestly she had it coming so I'm sorry but...I'm really not. Pat on the back for pulling that shit out of my back pocket so effortlessly._

_I moved quickly down the hallway towards the kitchen, hesitating outside of Riley's bedroom door. It was usually quiet inside because Riley spent more time in my room than in his own but the sound now coming from inside stopped me in my tracks and took me back years in an instant. His door was closed, mostly, except for a small crack and I carefully pushed it open just enough to let the music fully reach my ears. I leaned in and pressed my back to the hallway wall just outside the door, listening and visualizing Riley's fingers moving lightly over the strings, how they always tried to move lightly over me. His voice filtered softly through the doorway and I think back to the first time he sang for me. Well, kind of for me._

_The night Paige found me in Albany we had walked back to my friends apartment together to pick up a few things and Paige had called Riley to come pick us up with the truck. He was cute, naturally, but entirely too cocky for his own good. He insisted on singing 'light my fire' the entire drive back, to no actual music I might add, while smiling at me across the cab with Paige sitting between us. She was probably more uncomfortable than I was but that's only because obnoxious behavior makes me push back harder so I simply bit my tongue for the drive. When we got to the train he tried to make Paige carry my bag like she was the third wheel...so bit my tongue harder and took my bag from Paige to carry on my own. This hole ridiculous interaction probably looked like a bunch of idiots fighting over a fucking suitcase and it was beyond ridiculous. Riley tried to take it from me because for some reason it was okay for him to help me out but not help Paige. After several insistent pleas from him I casually kicked my leg out and swept his feet out from under him, making him crash to the ground, and then proceeded to drop my suitcase on his stomach. Point made. Carry the fucking bag for the ladies. Plural. Paige included._

_He plays his guitar a lot on his own while we're traveling, usually by himself but sometimes when he thinks I'm asleep. It's the softness of whispered words escaping his lips that absolutely tear me down. I've begged him several times to do a duet with me in the show but he refuses, though he shouldn't because he's amazing. I never push too hard because he'd be surprisingly difficult to work into Burlesque. His music is probably the thing he's the most modest about, his escape..probably from me._

_*Make you believe, make you forget.*_

_I bite my tongue now and push myself off the wall, walking quietly by the room towards the commons. The girls would easily be another hour before they were ready and I have no intention of keeping Emily waiting for too long. In fact I'm probably more excited than I should be to have another girl around because she isn't a lost cause. Other than Paige of course there's no one else and even though I love her, Paige has her ego driven moments but I guess I do too, hence my holier-than-thou wake up call for the girls. Emily on the other hand might be the only sane person in this group of beautiful misfits and while its refreshing it likely won't be long until she's just as damaged as we are. Luckily for her we're all amazing so it's not a bad thing. Well..some more damaged than others obviously or I wouldn't be ripping random men from the girl's beds. Remind me again why everyone thinks I'm the promiscuous one._

_Oh yeah...this is why..._

_I stopped short in the middle of the hallway by Paige's office. The door was open and sound of papers rustling caught my attention. Peter was sitting at the desk with a stack of papers that he was flipping through one at a time. He yawned and continued his work, oblivious to me standing in the doorway._

_"Peter... baby, what are you doing?" I smiled and sauntered over to the desk, leaning over the front to watch him write. I know I shouldn't enjoy doing this but the red of his cheeks is too entertaining to pass up and he knows I can't just walk away which is why there's a very wary look in his eyes. "Why are you tired? You're the one that pulled me out of my warm bed and forced me to put clothes on."_

_Peter's eyes flickered up to my white slouch t-shirt hanging low off my shoulders. Sadly if I had known this opportunity was going to present itself I would have gone with something more revealing but at the moment just my black bra strap made him swallow hard as he crinkled his eyes in concentration back to the paperwork in front of him. The desk was strewn in pens and a few stamp pads that suggested he'd been at it for awhile._

_"I'm not tired I've just gotta go through a hundred profiles and make sure nobodies been slacking off or getting into trouble here while we were gone."_

_I worked my way around to the back of his chair and heard him sigh hesitantly. My work with Peter was always easier than it should be but that's the weakness of men...not me. I leaned in and rested my chin on his shoulder, pressing firmly against his back and gasping lightly as his breathing hitched, making him write faster across a paper. His way of trying to ignore me and any distractions I may bring. He's so cute sometimes with his determination._

_"What about the ones that are getting into trouble on the train?" I whispered, keeping my lips just close enough to his ear that he'd now be feeling my breath down his neck._

_"I already have a work-up on the engineer." He cleared his throat, flipping another sheet of paper. "Apparently he's been spitting sunflower seeds out the window and that could be a health hazard for anyone standing too close to the tracks when we go by. Oh and if they got hit in the eye with a flying seed..." Peter tisked and shook his head._

_I frowned slightly but recovered so much faster. His resolve was strong but not nearly as strong as Riley's when he wants to fight me and we know how things go with him. "So just the engineer." I noted, bringing my hands up to his shoulders when he nodded in agreement, dragging my nails lightly up into his hair. I stayed quiet and watched him continue to write, smiling against his neck every time he reached for a white-out pen because that meant that I was winning._

_"Well...and one of the clowns for leaving dishes in the sink." He added. Obviously he was joking but that didn't stop me from crinkling my eyebrows in frustration._

_"So then all you're really telling me is that I'm not doing anything wrong." I whispered, bringing my lips closer to nip at his ear. Peter's fingers grabbed at the white out pen again and made me chuckle heat across his skin._

_"Hey Peter, Paige called over she wants to..." Riley appeared in the doorway, stopping short when he saw me with my arms wrapped around Peter's shoulders and my fingers twisting into his hair. "Oooh sorry dude." He smiled proudly._

_"I'm staying strong, Riley. A little help would be nice though." Peter shook his head lightly to clear it but then he blinked his eyes hard too which only screamed of his struggle with concentrating on work and the fact that he wasn't staying strong._

_Riley's eyes where apologetic but he made no attempt to help Peter because he knew better. Smart man. "You're a stronger man than me but that's by choice on my part. I like giving in."_

_"Thanks for the support now what do you want?" He sighed and I brought my hands down his sides, wrapping them under his arms and around his chest, hugging him as my hair fell over his shoulder and brushed against his neck._

_"You've got the best support standing behind you at the moment." Riley beamed. "She's a good motivator."_

_"Yes but unfortunately she's motivating me away from my paperwork." Peter corrected, tensing when I dropped my hands down lower. Peter enjoyed manual labor with the show and it showed in the muscle of his stomach. He cleared his throat again and looked pleadingly at Riley. "What does Paige need? It must be so important."_

_I smiled when Riley laughed. "It just might save your life actually." Riley's eyes flickered to mine with a smile. "She wanted to see if you could fix the date of birth on Mar's profile. They don't have a current copy in the office."_

_That caught my attention and made me stop the movement of my hands above his belt. "I wanna see my profile." I straightened myself up and reached for the stack of papers._

_Peter shook his head firmly and shuffled them away from my hands. "Not happening, Mary. But I'm thankful that's enough to distract you."_

_"Why, Peter?" I smirked sarcastically. "Am I gonna have to pull out one of those cheesy 'is that a such and such in your pocket or are you just happy to see me' lines? It'll make you blush more than you already are and then I'll giggle and toss my hair and then you'll pick me up and this desk will be violated in so many ways..."_

_"You're mean." Peter laughed and shook his head,_

_"And actually you already told me no about using the desk so that's hardly fair." Riley pointed out with a grin. "All else fails just use the wall, Peter." He winked._

_I groaned and reached for the papers again, this time managing to pull the stack from his hands and turning my back to him to block his attempts at getting them back. He pressed into my back and reached around my shoulders but I moved them out of his range every time._

_"Careful, Peter." Riley warned. "That's a good position too."_

_Peter dropped his arms in frustration and stepped back, hanging his head in embarrassment as he laughed. "You two are messed up."_

_"You're just easy." I smiled and flipped through the papers, not tearing my eyes away from them as I spoke. "With you against my back I don't have to think twice about pulling out one of those cliche erection lines."_

_Of course Peter wasn't aroused but it didn't stop him from looking down self-consciously to make sure which just bought me more time with the papers. He was too used to my games by now to get too flustered by me messing with him and that's exactly why its a game._

_"There's a lot of white-out on these last few." I teased, placing forms that weren't mine back to the desk, smiling when I came across one with my name scripted across the top. "Got it.."_

_I leaned into the desk again as Peter slipped cautiously into his seat, watching me warily._

_"See you later babe, I gotta go test the fire-lines so send Emily my way if you get done early enough." Riley pressed a kiss into my hair and darted from the room. "Good luck with the restraint, Peter."_

_"Always a pleasure, Riley." He quipped. I smiled down at the paper as my eyes scrolled through my information and how much of it was inaccurate. "Should I just give you a red pen so you can correct all the false information?" Peter chuckled._

_"Yeeeah that would probably be a good idea." I nodded and took the pen from his hand, crossing lines through 'Andrews' on the last name line and obviously through the date of birth._

_"Should I just give you a new form?"_

_I glared up at him with my blue eyes. "There's cute and then there's this." I gestured my finger between us and our little exchange. He smiled and ducked his head, biting his lip as I furrowed my eyes to read._

_The form was basic contact information, or lack of information in my case. Nothing listed under residence which was normal for most if us because we lived our lives basically as nomads. There wasn't anything listed under family contacts either which also wasn't surprising...at least not for me._

_"There's nothing on here expect boring details." I frowned in disappointment and looked up at him. "Where's the notes that Paige writes about bad behavior? There should be books on me."_

_"Paige doesn't write notes on bad behavior." he smiled. "She handles it personally and I think you're the last person she worries about when it comes to that. You should know by now that you're good in our 'books', Marley."_

_I swallowed weakly and looked down at the form, filling in the right information over the crossed out parts. I do a lot to mess up sometimes and my mixed feelings about what Peter just said is something I don't even want to try to process. I've got the whole day to get through and something tells me its gonna be a long one. Emotional is never what I need._

_I flip the paper around to him once I'm done and drop the pen back to the desk as I turn to the door._

_"Marley Nolan-O'Connor." Peter sighed._

_I turned back around to look at him with his amused smile on his lips and walked over to the desk to lean on it again. "Apparently my donors didn't believe in the sanctity of marriage. Go figure."_

_He smiled softly. "Well its a good thing they didn't because then we might not have you."_

_I smile because somehow he knows what I need to hear. He could have given me his sad eyes and felt sorry for me with words of wisdom or he could have just laughed and cracked a joke but he didn't. He says the right things which makes me want to give him a harder time. This is how we work._

_"You know." I sigh, looking down at my profile. "This girl should probably be punished for lying about all of this when she was hired. Giving false information should definitely be grounds for dismissal."_

_"Nah." Peter shook his head firmly. "She's far too invaluable and irreplaceable." Again with the right thing to say._

_I reached and grabbed a stamp pad from the desk and before Peter could stop me, which he tried, I slammed it down onto the paper over my name. I smiled when I pulled it back and saw the bright red "dismissed"._

_"You know I'm going to have to fill out a whole new form right?" Peter chuckled and snatched the stamp from my hand._

_"Well you're so efficient at your work Peter and thanks to me you've mastered the white-out pen."_

_He smiled and pulled a new form from the desk. "You're pretty efficient at your work too."_

_"I can't be too efficient if I fail to have my way with you." I teased, walking around to his chair and pressing a light kiss to his cheek. "I gotta find Emily so don't work too hard."_

_"You're very efficient." Peter shouted after me, making me smile proudly and bite my lip._

_Peter is amazing. Of course he is.. but I'll never stop torturing him and he'd never really want me to. It comes from his desire to wake me up too early and he's accepted the consequences._

_The commons was quiet so I decided to back track to the kitchen. It's still quiet when I enter and its been an hour since breakfast so Emily should be around any minute. Sliding into a bar stool I wait, picking over the tear in the denim on my thigh. I've already said I'm excited about having Emily around and by now it should be obvious why. Main reason being that Paige is happier than any of us have ever seen her. Honestly I'm protective of her because I want what's best for her but I'm also not stupid. I'm just as good as she is at reading people and there's nothing even remotely similar between Emily and Cassie. Something tells me I'd be more likely to doubt Paige than I would be to doubt Emily and her intentions. So far I've never really doubted Paige and I probably never will._

_Voices outside filtered into the open door and a laugh made my body tense completely as my eyes snapped to the doorway. Speak of the fucking devil and she appears. I threw myself from the stool, nearly knocking it to the ground behind me, and moved to the open door, smiling and biting my tongue at the familiar blonde hair standing beside Emily. It's all I have in me to keep my feet planted as I lean into the doorway, watching her smile falter when glances over at me. Her same green flecked eyes and the way she juts her hip as she stands. Cassie is so unpleasantly hard to forget._

_She mirrors the challenge in my eyes as she turns away from Emily and walks away to join her followers. Girls like Cassie work in packs because they're too scared to fight their own battles and by work in packs I also mean sleep in packs. I don't need anyone to fight my wars and Cassie isn't on her turf at the moment._

_Most people would probably run to Emily to warn her about the person she was just talking to but I'm not most people. I can't stand Cassie for reasons that are my own and I have no right to tamper with Emily's judgement. She has the right to be unbiased because she's so far removed from the situation and hopefully she can stay that way. I already know what's it's like to be caught in the middle of the Paige and Cassie crossfire and Emily seems fragile enough at moments without adding the chaos that Cassie brings. I'm waiting for the day when she stops showing up here and lets Paige come home in peace. The only place Paige feels at home now is on the moving train and that's heartbreaking. Anything to put as much ground as possible between herself and whatever happened between her and Cassie. It's not hard to guess though because she's walking away with a girl on each arm and four others giggling around her. Paige isn't the type to want an open relationship and that's Cassie's style. Paige deserves more._

_I waited a few seconds as she walked away and I was so wrapped up in my temper that I forgot about Emily. I also somehow forgot about Ember whom I haven't yet met for some completely unacceptable reason._

_"Awwwwe!"_

_Emily turned to me and smiled but the only thing on my mind was hugging his cute face._

* * *

"Hey!" She smiled and turned to Mary and the huge grin on her face as she jumped down from the train. "I'm sorry. I wanted to see him while I waited for you."

"Well obviously." Mary squeaked and brushed around her. She didn't give Ember the chance to get familiar by holding out her hand, her arms flew automatically around his neck as she hugged him close. "God, you're so cute!"

"Awe thank you." She joked, earning a sweet smile from Mary as she rolled her blue eyes.

"You're cute too." She teased, kissing Ember's cheek. "But you, Mr?" She clutched his face to look at him firmly in the eyes. "..you're fucking adorable."

She had to look away while Mary loved on him because the first thing she noticed was how the height of Ember's nose was exact to Mary's chest. Paige had good reason to be worried for Ember's life but he was in Heaven at the moment. He didn't pull away from her and the twitch was gone from beneath his skin as his body relaxed under her touch. It was a little surprising considering Mary had one of the most energetic personalities. She was so similar to Hanna in some ways and yet exactly the opposite. Her eyes were deeper as she smiled at Ember and stroked his nose. Ember would probably be happy to leave this life at the hands of Mary, or any other part of her body.

"You know you can see him whenever you want. I don't think he'd argue at all."

Mary met her eyes softly and nodded as she dropped her arms and stepped back reluctantly. "We have work to do first. There's a lot to try on."

"I'm ready when you are." She agreed, patting his neck as she looked to Mary for direction.

Mary smiled and led the way through the kitchen towards the front of the train. The next car up was the hallway where the office was. Mary stopped in front of the door in the middle of the hallway and pushed it open. Automatically her eyes were forced to squint and adjust to the bright colors hanging from floor to ceiling racks lining the walls. A small chair sat in a corner and there was a long narrow table with a flip-up sewing machine beside a built-in wooden chest of drawers and shelves lined with sparkling pieces of jewelry and random accessories.

"Okay so first of all do you want to pick a color or style first?" Mary automatically started flipping through racks. "Style will be easy so you should probably think of a color first because...well...it actually doesn't matter because we can make something if we have to."

Her mouth dropped slightly as Mary began pulling hangers down and tossing them over a chair. "Um I guess I'm not too picky about color.."

Mary smiled hesitantly. "Would it bother you if I just test a few things? You can get a feel for what you don't want then it'll be easier for you to find what you do want."

"Yeah." She nodded and looked at the open door behind her. "Yeah that's fine."

Mary's eyes softened as she forced herself to take a deep breath and slow down. She automatically moved around her to the door and closed it, flipping a lock on the doorknob. "Better?" She asked, genuinely trying to make her feel comfortable.

"Thanks." She exhaled lightly and smiled, ducking her head back towards the dresses Mary had already pulled down.

"So Paige left you to fight the crowds? If anyone bothers you just let us know. It's not uncommon to get the occasional drunk person, even this early in the day. Crazy seems to follow us even though we constantly tell it to fuck off."

"No one so far." She assured. "But I'm not surprised that it gets crazy around here. Hanna went ballistic on a married couple over nothing but that was also just a 'Hanna thing' I guess."

"Hanna's the blonde friend of yours? The feisty one?"

"The one and only."

"She lacks a certain filter like I do. I liked her." Mary smiled proudly and pulled emerald-green from a hanger, crinkling her eyebrows as she studied it. "I usually don't have luck with blondes so that's a serious compliment.

"Do you need me to..." she tugged at the hem of her shirt and gestured at the dress Mary was holding.

"Yeah go ahead and strip down." Mary nodded, keeping her eyes on the dress and then looking over critically at the pile on the chair. She was focused on what she was doing and turned her back to pull down another hanger. "Just your jeans and shirt for now." Mary added, unzipping the emerald silk and tossing the hanger to the floor.

She had years of changing in locker rooms at school so she was hardly worried about changing in front of Mary. They hardly wore clothes themselves so it's not like here was anything new to see. "Thanks for taking your time to do this. I don't even know where to start with an act let alone all of this." She kicked her boots off and scooted them off to the side.

"Of course." Mary turned to her and stepped closer, tilting her head to the side as she reached automatically for the hem of her tank top and pulled it over her head for her. "Sorry I'm used to working fast with this stuff." She smiled softly but continued. "I get it though, its tough coming in on all of this because it feels like everyone else is so far ahead of you with their performances. I've been there. The only difference is you have me and I had Cassie and I promise you have it really good."

She slipped out of her jeans and froze uneasily as Mary studied her body for a moment, crinkling her eyebrows.

"Okay I'm gonna be pissed if that's the only shade of blue I don't have because that's a really good color on you." And just like that Mary turned away again and looked through the racks.

She released her breath, not realizing that she had been holding it. Mary didn't seem like the type to be critical when it came to women's bodies. She was too confident and proud of her own body to be judgmental so she forced a deep breath to relax. "So...Cassie didn't help you when you started?"

"She helped immensely with increasing my anger issues..does that count? We were pretty hostile towards each other. She was threatened by me for a number of reasons. Main one being that I was the only person that didn't back down when she attacked." Mary chuckled and then frowned at the dresses in the same breath. "Okay that is the only fucking shade of blue that I don't have."

Luckily the room was warm so standing in lace wasn't uncomfortable except for the obvious reasons. Those being that she was basically naked in front of someone she hardly knew.

"Fuck." Mary shook her head and grabbed white from a hanger instead. "Okay we need to find you a style you like so I can work on expanding color options."

"White?"

"Yeeees." Mary nodded and pulled threads loose on the sides of the white corset. "It helps to appreciate the style when there aren't colors clouding your judgement but this one you can actually keep on. It goes under the dresses for breast support which is always so welcome around here." she joked.

She smiled as Mary wrapped the white satin around her chest and she lifted her arms to aid in the process, holding it against her body as Mary stopped behind her back to lace the threading.

"Okay I'll hold this here to cover you if you can pull your bra off for me. You don't need it with this." She nodded and reached around to unsnap the back but Mary moved faster and flicked her fingers over the clasp for her. She slipped her arms from the straps as Mary held the corset in place, tossing the lace to the chair. "I can slow down if you want but I don't plan on calling you for a second date so what's the point?" Mary tugged the threading lightly against her back and secured it then she moved around to face her again, pulling the laces up her chest and forcing the air from her lungs with each tug.

"That's good because I should tell you I haven't been faithful to you." Her breath hitched as Mary pulled the threading a little tighter, a smile tugging at her lips. "There's someone else."

"Yeah?" Mary smiled and her eyes softened. "That's good thing. I forgive you."

There was so much care in her eyes that anyone could see how much Mary was relieved to hear those words. Like she had been waiting to hear them for far too long. If Paige had been alone since Cassie then it was too long and it was easy to see how that had affected the people around her. They all wanted what was best for Paige and with how calm Mary was now compared to the other times she had been around her it was clear that she must have been doing something right. So far she was making Paige happy and she planned on continuing indefinitely.

She wanted to know what Cassie had done to hurt Paige so much but it wasn't her place to ask Mary. She wasn't going to be the girl that asked about Paige behind her back at least not about something like this. Old insecure Emily probably would have asked more questions but Paige made her feel confident in herself. Curiosity is one thing and doubting is another but even curiosity wasn't important compared to the trust she had for Paige. If there was more to Paige and Cassie then them simply wanting different things then she would be here to listen whenever Paige was ready to talk about it and if she never wanted to talk about it then that was fine too. Paige was the one she wanted and that's where she planned on focusing all of her time and attention. If Mary chose to tell her on her own then so be it but it felt wrong to pry too deep. In the meantime a few small questions probably wouldn't hurt.

"So does she show up here a lot?"

"Cassie?" Mary glanced up at her briefly and then moved her eyes back to her chest as her fingers adjusted the strings.

"Yeah I mean Paige obviously isn't happy being here so I'm guessing she does otherwise it probably wouldn't bother her so much."

"She tends to weasel her way in and stalk the grounds when she knows we're back in town. For starters she likes pissing me off by coming and yeah...it upsets Paige so that's the main reason she does it. Shes always been a bitch like that."

"Even if she wasn't Paige's ex I don't care for people that go around hurting others for their own enjoyment. I've had enough if those people in my life and I don't want any more."

"You probably wouldn't know if you did meet her. She's good and landing direct hits and then taking off until the next time." Mary bit her lip and gave her a quick once over to study the fitting then moved over to a small stack of drawers.

"I'm not okay with her hurting Paige for her own pleasure so lets hope she doesn't stop by."

Mary's eyes weakened sadly as she returned to her side, bunching nude nylon in her hands. "Well just you saying that proves how good she is."

She crinkled her eyebrows as Mary's blue eyes flickered to hers. "What do you mean?" Mary sighed and shook her head lightly but she didn't speak as she separated two strands of pantyhose. Her throat tightened instantly and a sickening feeling formed in the pit of her stomach. Her mind went back to how Ember was calm in Mary's arms but not when... "Oh God, that was her wasn't it? Outside...that was..."

Mary's eyes were soft and hesitant but she nodded. "You couldn't have known that and she's just that good at getting close. She knew you were with the show right?" Mary arched her eyebrows and she knew the question was rhetorical.

"She wanted to see Ember, I mean she said her parents have horses and that's all we really talked about except..."

"I really shouldn't have said anything. I didn't plan on it. It's not my place to affect how you perceive someone. Just because I don't like her doesn't mean you..."

"No I'm glad you said something because I felt bad for being rude to..." she squeezed her eyes shut to clear the feeling that she had been deceived and even worse the feeling that Cassie had done it intentionally to get at everyone else. Even such a short conversation somehow made her feel violated. While it was unlikely that Cassie knew her connection to Paige she did know her connection to the show and she must have felt proud for being able to get so close unnoticed. Well not completely unnoticed. "She saw you that's why she gave up so fast.. "

Mary nodded. "Yeah she would have been stupid to linger."

The questions rolling around in her head were getting harder to ignore. She should be asking Paige these things but Mary was the one here now and having already met Cassie without even knowing it...she felt a entitled to a few questions. "How bad was it with Cassie? Paige told me she came to you but..."

"Then you need to hear from me that it was just that one time. It wasn't more than that and it couldn't have been." Mary toyed with the nylon in her hands but she didn't look away. It was easy to see the pain in her eyes because she was making no attempt to hide it. It made her mouth dry because it meant she was right and that Mary was bothered by something that she was keeping from Paige. It was growing more obvious as to what that something was.

"I believe you." She nodded instantly to cast any doubts or worry from Mary's mind. "She's lucky to have you and everyone else that cares about her. I was alone for a long time so I know how hard it can be to not have someone close enough."

"It was hard." Mary nodded. "But I don't know the details of anything because Paige never told us but knowing Cassie she was probably messing around on Paige."

Slowly it was making sense why Mary might be upset about what happened between her and Paige. She was there for her and she didn't even know what had brought Paige to her door. She didn't have an explanation and yet she didn't hesitate to be there for Paige when she was needed. She swallowed dryly. "She hit on me with her girlfriend standing a few feet away so I can see that being likely."

"Girlfriend in the singular is probably being nice." Mary chuckled and gestured to the pantyhose in her hand. "These are thick on the bottom so they'll protect your feet if you decide to ride without heels or boots. I honestly think barefoot would be beautiful with bareback riding but I can probably find you some flats too."

"That's so much better than heels." She agreed.

"Well, we don't want Ember getting hurt and especially with this all being new for you both the more comfortable you guys are...the better. We want steps forward not backwards."

She smiled because Mary had stood up for her against Sadie and the topic of what shoes to wear. Mary was clearly talented as Paige had said and truly a visionary with the appearance of performances. Even watching the girls during their act it was clear that she knew how to achieve the desired response from the audience. Their clothes were risky without being tacky and the details were beautiful. She glanced down at Mary's ripped jeans and admired the way even the tears where patched in spots with scarlet lace. Simple and still beautiful, the denim and lace matching to the blue dust around her eyes that was sparkled with a hint of ruby glitter. Even the nude nylon in her hands had a shimmer of silver from specks of glitter. It looked like the smallest amount of stardust had been brushed across the fabric. The thing that made her smile widen was the fact that Mary was so supportive and cared so much about the same things that were important to her too. She was wrong about Mary though. Mary wasn't as similar to Hanna as she had originally thought. Mary was so much more like Paige.

"What did you say to her?" Mary asked, bending down to aid with dressing.

She lifted her leg slightly so that Mary could slip the thin nylon over her foot, holding onto her shoulder to keep from falling over. "Same thing I told you." She smiled. "I'm seeing someone."

Her breath hitched as the heat of Mary's fingers guided up the length of her leg. Mary didn't seem to notice and as she stopped high in the crease of her thigh, she held her breath. Mary reached one hand to table behind her and returned with small white garter straps, clipping them from the nylon to the lace around her hips. She could feel her hand tremble on Mary's shoulder and she dropped it back to her side to keep her from noticing. Her cheeks warmed from embarrassment at the shaking and also the obvious fact that someone she hardly knew was touching her body in intimate places. As Mary snapped them into position her blue eyes flickered up with a soft smile tugging on her lips.

"If you react this way when I touch you like this... how are you going to react when Paige touches you here?" Mary clipped the last garter to the lace on her inner thigh, using its placement to drive home her question, proving her point as her breath caught hard in her throat again.

She swallowed hard and smiled as her cheeks flushed. "Hopefully better than I just did."

"No." Mary shook her head and guided the other strand of nylon over her other foot and up her leg. "This kind of reaction is perfect because its so natural and intense."

Hearing someone so important to Paige basically give her her blessing was powerful and her words left her mouth without thinking because it did feel natural...and more intense than she could have expected.

"I'm not gonna hurt her."

Mary's hands faltered at her knee but she nodded and continued up her thigh. "I didn't think for a second that you would. You're nothing like Cassie so don't doubt yourself when it comes to Paige. She wants _you_."

"What are the chances of Cassie leaving before she finds Paige?"

"Her game usually ends when she runs into one of us and I know she's here now so she'll probably take off. At least we can hope. But like I said...Paige has her attention on the right person." Mary smiled and attached the last garter then took a step back. "Okay you need to pick a color. Any ideas?"

She looked over at the pile of dresses Mary had set down on the chair. "Which one were you and Sadie talking about? When you asked if me and Paige were the same size?" She clarified.

Mary just smiled and shook her head firmly. "Lets try and go a little easy on Paige with the first dress. She struggled enough with the card game."

"You didn't drop your cards on accident did you?"

"I've never dropped my cards." She shook her head and turned towards the racks. "In fact I have ways of making people drop theirs."

She pushed her body forward and ran her fingers down a dress of gold silk and then over a black gauze speckled with tiny clear rhinestones. She kept her eyes to the different colors and textures when she heard Mary's jeans unzip and fall to the floor. That came from years of changing in locker rooms but it still made her cheeks warm. It'll take time getting used to how comfortable the girls are with their bodies but it only made her appreciate Paige's choices that much more. The way her thermal shirts cling to her tightly and her boots run the length of her calves. Her body is covered but that only creates the extreme desire to uncover it.

Her fingers stopped moving and her eyes landed on a color that made everything else disappear around her. She reached instantly for the hanger and pulled it down to study it. Luckily Mary was tightening a white corset over her chest because she didn't hesitate to turn around and hold the dress out to her. "This one?"

Mary smiled and pulled the threads tight across her chest. She had already slipped into a pair of high-waisted midnight blue satin shorts and when paired with the corset it resembled an old fashion one piece bathing suit. It was timeless and classic with a pair of thin black nylons and her high black boots.

"I spent weeks making it for Faye and she changed her mind on the color when I was done." Mary smiled, slipping her arms into a tight black half-length blazer that buttoned below her breasts. "The color is perfect. You'll match and Paige is fond of that shade already."

Mary reached for the dress and pulled it from the hanger, holding it open for her to step inside. She inched it up and slipped her arms under the hair-thin straps as Mary zipped the back. It hugged her tightly and turned to feather light gauze at the waist, only falling a few inches down her thighs. It was easily one of the shortest things she had ever worn but it was perfect. The flowing fabric around her hips wouldn't be constricting while riding and would be beautiful in movement. Her mind was made up the second she saw the color. The fact that it fit perfectly was just a bonus.

"What do you think?" Mary asked, stepping back to study it.

"I think its perfect too."

Mary crinkled her eyes and shook her head, making her heart sink. "It's not quite right but it will be. Lets get you dressed and I can work on making it perfect." She reached and pulled the zipper down again, letting the dress fall to the floor. "Besides, Paige should be back any minute and we don't want her seeing this."

She jumped when banging sounded on the door, her hands instinctively flying to cover her chest as she looked down. The corset covered everything down to the lace around her hips and the nude nylon took care of her legs but the garter straps made the entire thing more erotic.

"Mary open up!" Sadie's voice filtered through the door as she knocked again.

"Hold the fuck on!" Mary shouted and then turned to face her again. "I'll get started on this now. It should be ready in a few hours."

She nodded and stepped out of the dress. "So...umm how do improvs work exactly?"

"Hmmm." Mary's eyes twinkled as she smiled and hung the dress onto the hanger again. "Yeah I can be done with it by then but just keep this detail to yourself."

Her eyes furrowed briefly but they relaxed as butterflies took up residence in her throat, slamming down hard into her stomach. Walls of fire entered her mind and a blazing ring that was smaller than it needed to be. Those things should deter her but they didn't. It just made the idea more appealing.

"Mary open the fucking door!" Sadie's fist made contact with the solid wood, though it may have been a boot.

Mary smiled and ignored it, reaching for the garter straps around her thighs and pulling the pantyhose down for her to step out of. She fidgeted with the lacing on the corset but Mary's hands instantly took over and made quick work of the threading, loosening it from her chest. She didn't even realize it had fallen to the floor until Mary handed over her lace bra from the chair with a smile.

"I'll work on getting you something in this color."

She smiled comfortably and slipped the thin lace around her body, snapping the clasp as Mary bent down and picked up the pantyhose, bunching it up in her hands and tossing her jeans up from the floor.

"Thanks." She slid into tight denim and her boots. Mary waited as she pulled her pink tank top over her head before she moved to unlock the door with a glare in her eyes. "Mary?"

She stopped with her hand on the doorknob and turned back to her with curious eyes. "Yeah?"

"I know we don't know each other very well but can you promise me something?" Mary nodded before she continued. "Can you not tell Paige what we talked about? I want her to tell me when she's ready even if that's never...I just..."

"Yeah of course." Mary swallowed weakly and nodded again. "You're good for her."

"Mary!" The voices shouted from the hallway again. She smiled and ducked her head away as Mary rolled her eyes and turned reluctantly back to the door.

"Ladies?" She cocked her head and grinned sarcastically as she let the girls in. "That lip gloss looks good on you, Sadie."

Sadie scoffed and looked at her instead. "Emily! Did you find anything you like?"

"Umm...no not really." She shook her head and looked at Mary and the smile she was fighting as she bit her lower lip. "I guess I'm pickier than I thought."

"Awe don't worry we'll find something perfect for you." Sadie smiled encouragingly and immediately stripped her body of her clothing and pulled dresses down from hangers.

She turned and immediately inched her way around the girls to the open door, keeping her eyes cast to the red carpet because their modesty was lacking. Mary touched her arm and brought her to a stop as she leaned in.

"I'll find you later when I'm done?"

She smiled and nodded. "Thank you."

"Anytime." Mary smiled and slapped her ass as she moved through the doorway. "Go find Riley if you have time."

"Annnnd she's back." She teased, smiling over her shoulder as Mary gave her a pointed look.

Her blue eyes sharpened, playful and beautifully inappropriate as always. "I don't know what hell you're talking about, Ems."

She stopped and returned the serious smirk. "Ems?"

"What? I'm working on it." Mary shrugged "It's hard to top Paigey."

You're just gonna have to get tips from Molly." She chuckled. "She's the Paigey creator right?"

"She's pure talent." Mary nodded and looked back into the room as something loud crashed inside. "Are you fucking kidding me, Faye? Son of a bitch!"

She smiled and turned on her heels towards the kitchen. She now needed to find Riley especially with this new development on her mind because testing it would be a big deciding factor first and foremost. Every part of her hoped that Paige would be done soon because after unknowingly running into Cassie she felt scammed and really just wanted to see Paige and hold her. She was more determined now to keep Paige's mind away from the fact that Cassie might turn up...again. Paige already didn't want to be in a place that should feel like her home and that wasn't fair. Part of her wanted to go on a mission to track down the blonde hair and green eyes just to make sure she was gone but the biggest part wanted to find the auburn waves and chocolate eyes...the heat of her touch. Her body plowed hard into someone coming through the outside door. She reached on reflex to stop her from falling backwards to the ground and just seeing who she was touching had her heart hammering up into her throat.

"Shit...sorry!" She swallowed hard.

* * *

"Are you hungry?"

She flipped another paper over and stared down at the one Sydney had just placed in front of her. "No I'm good. Mary made pancakes though so if you're smart you'd head over and see if there's any left. They're good."

"Peter brought a plate over already and I'm only asking if you're hungry because you've been over here for hours and I want you to leave."

She crinkled her eyebrows and looked at the clock. She had left Emily around nine and it was now pushing noon. "Shit."

"I've got this Paige its my job." Sydney frowned and knelt down beside the desk. "You've got plenty to do without stressing yourself over something like this. You know it's not gonna be a problem, I can handle it."

She looked down at the schedule in front of her and forms for the inspectors that liked to show up unannounced. Everything always went smoothly but it was stressful to sit behind mounds of paperwork and go over all of the files on safety regulations and make sure everything was current and up to par. Animal specialists for the tigers had to be brought in for health visits regularly, especially Stella because she traveled, and other specialists came to inspect their enclosure which meant she had to check in on each individual worker to make sure they were doing their individual jobs. It was one large chain of dominoes that could fall if one person messed up and it was completely overwhelming and exhilarating at the same time. To be responsible and in control of something that expanded everyday. Usually inspectors came while they were away because the grounds were closed and inspections went faster and smoother without crowds of people but the paperwork needed to be done in advance. Sydney usually handled the actual walk-throughs.

"Yeah okay." She caved and stood from the desk, sighing when Sydney's eyes followed her as she walked to the doorway. She stopped and turned to face her. "What's your argument this time?" She asked, leaning restlessly into the door frame.

Sydney shrugged and dropped into the chair. "I've got nothing." She sighed and slipped her tiny glasses over her nose as she studied the papers.

"Bullshit, Syd." She crossed her arms impatiently. "You called when we were in Charleston for nothing? When we were two days away from being back home? Somehow I doubt it. "

"They have a baby due in seventeen months in San Diego and I think it's a good opportunity."

"And there it is." She groaned and slumped against the door. This has been Sydney's battle for the last six years, first with her parents and now with her. "Syd..." Her mouth gaped as she shook her head lightly. "I don't know how many times I have to repeat ..."

"I know I know." Sydney cut her off and kept her head down to the paperwork. "I'm just saying I don't see the problem with it. This opportunity doesn't come around very often...but I know..."

"No, you don't know because you keep pushing this. We'd have to stop traveling and I love moving. It's the only thing that makes this bearable sometimes."

"You wouldn't have to stop traveling, Paige. Your great grandparents traveled and.. "

"And look how that turned out." She retorted. "It's already not fair for Stella to be locked up so much and now Ember."

"It could stay here when you're gone." Sydney shifted in her chair to face her with points she wanted to make just swirling around in her mind like she had a list of them planned out in advance. "Wait who's Ember?"

"Emily's horse and no!" She snapped, her voice was climbing because this was such a repetitive conversation. They've had it a hundred times before. Sydney had been here since her grandparents days the same way Peter had. Shes an invaluable part of the team because she knows everything so well but even that was beginning to sound less important on the resume. This was getting old and though sadly she had considered it several times...she knew she would have to power through and deal with repeat arguments. "Do you think its fair for Harley and Chloe to be shuttled around? I don't get to work with them like I do with Stella and you want me to add to the animals that I already don't have time to train."

"You could find someone extra to train it."

"And then that someone would be staying here too because I promise you I'm not traveling with..." She forced a deep breath before continuing. "I'm arguing myself in circles with you. Theres a reason we don't have one and a reason my great grandparents lost theirs. It's not humane and it's not fair and I'm not gonna change my mind so please Syd...please just drop it."

"Okay." Sydney threw her hands up and picked up her pen from the desk as she flipped through papers.

She opened her mouth to apologize or to continue to stress her reasoning but what was the point? She wasn't gonna change her mind and Sydney needed to accept that fact. Her pride told her to stomp out of the room but she couldn't. She also knew apologizing wouldn't change Sydney's mind either.

"Sydney...I just don't want to...""

Sydney set her pen down and pulled her glasses off with light eyes. "I know." She smiled softly. "You know better about these things and you're right. It's just an exciting idea isn't it?"

She sighed and dropped her arms back to her sides, slightly shocked by Sydney's submission. "Yeah it is but it's not right for us. Not now."

"You have 17 months." Sydney smiled stubbornly and put her glasses back on.

She shook her head. "You're unbelievable." Sydney was never gonna drop it anymore than she would stop fighting it.

"So Emily hmm?"

A smile tugged at her lips from Sydney's attempt to change the subject and that was her cue to leave and find that subject. "She's amazing!" She called over her shoulder as she pushed through the door and out into the hot day. She needed to shower and change but all she wanted was to see Emily and avoid the girl she knew was nearby. She recognized her with a group of girls on her way to Sydney's office and she wanted to steer clear at all costs. If Cassie couldn't find her or if she ran into someone else first then she'd probably leave. Here's to hoping she ran into Riley or even Peter. Anyone to blow her conniving game up in her face and end it early.

She walked cautiously through the crowds, taking a deep breath as she broke through the other side and Ember came into view beside the kitchen car. He perked up as she approached and she ran her fingers down his neck in passing, not breaking her stride to jump up onto the train so she could begin her search for ...

"Shit...sorry!"

Emily wrapped her arms around her waist as she slammed into her in the doorway, nearly knocking her backwards towards the ground below. She would have gladly taken a face full of gravel because Emily was touching her again but she managed to lean forward into her and keep her footing.

"Hey, I just got done with Mary I was coming to find you." Emily's face lit up and she instantly pulled her closer by the hem of her thermal.

"Is it weird that I was only gone a few hours and I missed you?" She breathed, walking Emily back and away from the open door.

Emily leaned back into the wall and bit her lower lip to hide her smile as she shook her head. "No...its not."

Her eyes crinkled down to Emily's lip and just as they did Emily released it from between her teeth and pressed into her, pulling her flush against her body with her tight grip on her shirt. Their lips parted before touching and her breath was fire across her tongue. She brought her hands up instantly to Emily's cheeks, cradling her carefully as Emily pushed herself deeper, ripping a moan from the back of her throat with just the tip of her tongue. She pulled away for a quick breath and moved in again, sucking softly on Emily's lower lip and then moving to appreciate her top in the same tender way. In the few hours that she had been gone it was like her body had forgotten the taste while memorizing it at the same time. It was new and familiar. The first kiss and every kiss after. She was lost in the curves of Emily's tongue and the way she traced it over the roof of her mouth making her moan again.

"Ladies?"

She recognized the voice so she slowly pulled from Emily's lips. There was no hurry and they had nothing to hide. In fact Emily continued to land a few small kisses against her lips as she turned to see Mary leaning in the doorway of the next car back.

"Yes?" She sighed impatiently, dropping her hands from Emily's cheek and massaging them into the back of her neck instead. Now more than ever she felt bad for falling asleep with Emily outside on the ground. It was a stupid idea and she could only imagine how uncomfortable it probably was. Personally she was used to sleeping anywhere but Emily wasn't.

Mary smiled and took a step back, readying her retreat from the room. "Improv in two hours. Everyone wants to go out afterwards."

"Yeah, where?" She asked, her breath hitched when she felt Emily's head lean back into the wall.

"Ummm, Charq's..." Mary replied, squinting her eyes. "Hey can you stop doing that vampire soul mate shit with Emily right now... before she faints?" Her smile widened.

She crinkled her eyebrows in confusion and looked back at Emily melting in her hands as they worked over her neck. Her eyes were soft but they sharpened at Mary's observation and her cheeks flushed.

Mary just laughed and disappeared back through the doorway. "Take it easy on her, McCullen."

Emily's blush spread so she leaned in and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth, dragging her lips and hot breath to her jawline to kiss her again. Emily's lips parted as she sighed, her finger tightening around the hem of her blue thermal when she brought her lips to the sensitive skin below her ear.

"I have to get ready." She whispered, pressing one more quick kiss against Emily's neck as she pulled back. "We can get something to eat before the show if you want?"

She watched as Emily tightened her jaw and fluttered her eyes open, taking in the bright sunlight pouring through the door as her eyes readjusted. "Yeah, or I can go get something while you're changing...and bring it back here." Emily released her shirt and straightened herself from the wall.

"No, I'll be quick I promise." She kissed Emily lightly on the cheek and stepped away, moving towards the car door. A few angry words flew through her mind and were directed at the person who thought an improv was a good idea...since it meant she had to leave Emily's side, but those words passed quickly because as much as she was hated it at the moment she still had work to do and there was comfort in Emily being so close. Close and hopefully she'd remain untouched by Cassie's games.

"I...I'm gonna find Riley while I wait for you." Emily stated. "Mary... thought he might be looking for me."

She frowned as Emily stumbled over her words. "Probably something to do with a blazing death ring?" As much as she tried, which wasn't much, she couldn't keep the distaste from her voice and she didn't plan on lying about it. "Not one of their best ideas if I'm being honest."

Emily slumped her shoulders and cocked her head to the side with a soft smile. "I'm nervous about it but I'm excited too."

She immediately sighed in defeat over nothing. Of course Emily was excited while she was just worrying and overreacting as usual. Her trust rested more with Ember than with Riley and she had to focus on that to keep herself from tracking Riley and Peter down. Mary was close by but she wasn't blind enough to think she really played a part in this idea. That would have solely been the boy's handy work. She would always want to protect Emily and while she couldn't protect her from everything, a fiery ring seemed to be a perfectly acceptable reason.

She bit her tongue and smiled anyways. "You're fearless."

"Not even close." Emily chuckled, pressing a light kiss to her cheek as she turned towards the door. "Besides its time I get a little more daring what with you jumping from moving trains and taming ferocious tigers."

"I'd rather teach you to jump from trains and Stella is a baby!"

Emily just smiled and jumped down from the train, walking over to Ember's side and wrapping her fingers around the red velvet rope to lead him away. It hung loosely at her side and it wasn't necessary but Emily knew why it was needed there. She turned and smiled as she walked away and nothing had ever been so beautiful. Emily and Ember fit perfectly into this life.

Just under fifteen minutes. Record time for a shower considering all there was to accomplish. She wrapped herself quickly in a towel and stepped out of the tub, breathing deeply in the steamy bathroom. Her eyes fell softly on Emily's scarf still hanging from the towel rack. Seeing it there made her heart beat faster and when she noticed Emily's bag of shampoos and the ribbon-tied bar of soap she thought it might explode. It was Emily's things beside her own things...right where they belonged. Right where Emily belonged...with her.

She moved her body faster back into her bedroom, slipping quickly into her tight black pants and a red lace bra. Half of her closet was thermals the other half was what she needed at the moment. She slid her arms into white shirt, sucking her chest in to button the snug fabric and zipped her boots up her calves. Her hair was still soaked and she groaned from having to waste precious time drying it. The towel wasn't handling it fast enough but as it dried her long her twisted into waves on the ends, flowing lightly across her chest. A quick line of brown around her eyes and she was down, skipping the gloss because honestly she'd rather have Emily kissing her instead. She grabbed her velvet jacket and pulled it on before tucking her top hat under her arm and exiting the room. Record time again in only thirty minutes total. Emily was the best motivator ever.

The hallway was quiet but Mary was shuffling around the kitchen when she entered. She turned to her as she walked in the room and leaned against the counter, picking at an orange in her hand.

"You're two are seriously gonna kill each other." Mary smiled, pulling pieces of the peeling away.

"Well its about time you get to walk in on us since I've walked in so many times on you and Riley." She shot back. "Oh and Peter."

"Cute." She glared. "Once on Peter actually and that's because you never knock."

"I'm supposed to knock on the kitchen? Or how about the hallway?" She raised her eyebrows as Mary fought back a smile. "I'll make you a 'do not disturb, fucking in progress' post-it to slap on the doors so I know where to steer clear."

"And I'll remember this when I find you pinning Emily against walls." Mary winked and shook her head lightly as she looked down at her orange, her smile fading quickly.

She swallowed hard because Mary didn't often lack so much fight and the only times she did was when they were home. "You saw her too." She breathed. It wasn't a question because she already knew what the answer would be if it had been.

"Too." Mary nodded in agreement. "Yeah, being her sneaky little self."

"Fuck." She sighed.

"My instincts tell me you've left Emily in the dark on her and I know that simply because I'm not stupid. I know you." Mary shook her head and tossed peeling into the sink. "But... my question for you is why the fuck haven't you told her? I mean I get you not telling me details or anyone else for that matter and you know I've never asked but..."

"Because it doesn't matter." She sighed, and leaned into the counter. "She can show up all she wants and it's not gonna change anything between us. Its annoying but she's harmless."

"To everyone but you maybe." Mary rolled her eyes. "Come on Paige, you've always hated coming back home because she shows up every time and we all have to deal with the mess she leaves in her wake when you're all stressed out. Maybe it doesnt matter to you but have you thought about how much it would mean to Emily if _you_ told her?"

"Well, it's really none of your fucking business." She felt her temper flare up the second Mary mentioned Emily and now it was boiling over, though...she didn't mean for it to show so heavily in her voice. Especially not in words directed at Mary.

Mary's eyes snapped up from the orange in her hands, turning to cold ice and contradicting the soft whisper of her voice. "Yeah, you're right...I'm sorry." She tossed the uneaten fruit in the sink and pushed past her, jumping down from train to fade away into crowds.

Her eyes slammed shut as she bit down on her tongue. She had had four years to move on and she had done it with flying colors in less than a few months. A few nights of drinking and a few weeks of manual labor with the show and she was fine. The only times she thought of Cassie at all was when she was home because she liked to show up just because she could. It was entertaining for Cassie and just plain annoying for her personally. Peter was right about what he said. They were a public establishment and she had no grounds to ban Cassie for simply being an ex-girlfriend. She couldn't kick her out without having to explain to everyone why she was doing it and that was something she didn't want to do. She was stronger now than she ever had been and she owed a lot of that to Cassie for teaching her what she didn't want. She now knew exactly what she wanted in life and in another person and none of it involved Cassie. They should make a hallmark card for ex-girlfriends along these lines.

'Thank you for fucking up because I now know what to avoid in the future. Despise, Paige.'

Cassie didn't hurt anymore... it was the fact that she had kept secrets from everyone around her because she didn't want them to look at her the way Mary just had. With sadness or pity for what had happened between them. They couldn't do that if they never knew the truth so it was better this way. At the time it was easier to let everyone assume and just smile and nod and let them think whatever the hell they wanted. They never questioned anything because she never offered any details to question. It meant she could attempt to pull the broken pieces of herself back together on her own just like she always had. As time went on Cassie became so far in the past that it was never necessary to explain the truth to anyone because it wasn't relevant anymore. It wouldn't do anyone any good knowing either way.

Then why was there guilt tugging at her from the helpless emotion in Mary's voice?

Because Emily was right.

Mary was one, if not the only, other person directly hurt by Cassie leaving. She could only blame herself for the pain in Mary's eyes the same way she had once blamed herself for Cassie's choices. She'd hurt her without meaning to and the only thing that was unclear was the extent of the damage. The fallout from this could be worse than she'd expected. If Mary had suffered then Riley would be affected too and the only person that left was Peter.

Her boot slammed hard into the kitchen cabinet and echoed off the walls.

Just by knowing Peter's past it was easy to see how he might have been hurt as well. She had lied to her entire family because of something as useless as pride. Telling them now would only do more damage. Mary was just as right about Emily too. She shouldn't have left her in the dark but she also didn't want Emily touched by anything that had to do with Cassie in any way. She had joked with Mary about using their names together but this wasn't a joke. There was no humor in why Emily should never come in to contact with Cassie. She pushed her body to move, jumping down from the train and beginning a determined trek to find Emily. This was what she had wanted, right? For Cassie to run into someone else first so she'd be more likely to give up and leave sooner rather than later. Then why did she feel worse than before knowing that it had been Mary to see her? What if it had been Emily?

The inside of the tent was completely dark except for a few small lights. The black-out curtains had been drawn across the interior keeping all sunlight from bleeding through the stripes and thus creating the sense of night. While the crowds had grown slightly outside people were lingering around the grounds and the inside of the tent was still empty except for a few. One of which was exactly who she was looking for.

Emily stood beside Ember, running her fingers down his nose as she watched Mary and Riley.

"Hungry?" She smiled, stopping by her side and following her gaze to the argument at hand.

"Nooo." Riley pleaded.

"You said you'd let me and now you're changing your mind?" Mary slapped his arm and held her empty hand out to him.

"I said I would let you lay on the hood, for my personal enjoyment." Riley clarified. "I never said you could dance on it with boots."

"If you ever want to see me laying on it, clothed or otherwise, then you're going to let me dance on it." Mary said smiled matter-of-factly. "Its the best prop ever and these boots have grip soles, they aren't going to scratch the paint."

"Mar, no." Riley whined, growing weak from Mary's hand moving to rest on his hip as she stepped closer. "No. No. No."

"Who are you trying to convince?" Mary smiled, leaning in to press into his bottom lip.

"Please make it a really really good dance." Riley caved, dropping the keys into her hand.

"Obviously." She smiled against his lips and kissed him again before pulling away, turning to a group of workers standing nearby. "Lets get the side curtain open please!" She waved her hands at the men to hurry and they darted over, tugging fabric that slid open on tracks to let larger objects through.

"Ooookay no, gimme those." Riley snatched the keys for Mary's hand, putting his hand over her mouth before she could protest with profanities that she was likely planning. "I'll drive it in, you can use it as a stage. Deal?"

Mary glared and smacked his hand away. "I can drive stick."

"Yes I know you can babe but..." Riley agreed but this time Mary smack him upside the head and made him laugh as he ducked away, still holding the keys out of her reach. "Babe..."

"Where's your mother?" She threatened.

"Why?" Riley suddenly became more serious. "You wouldn't!"

She rolled her eyes away from them arguing and looked at Emily again who just shook her head and smiled. "And you're still gonna tell me that that's not love?"

"That's plain dysfunctional." She swallowed dryly and shook her head with a weak smile that meant she wasn't going to argue with Emily any further. She didn't have it in herself to wrap her head around anyone else being right about things that she should have noticed on her own. Things that, if she had been paying attention to one of the most important people in her life, she would have seen. That was hard to accept. Suddenly it felt like she had failed the people around her. The sad part was that it wasn't a matter of if Mary loved Riley. That was just a smoke screen because obviously it was a good thing. The problem was that she knew them all so well yet she had worked so hard to keep them from knowing her too.

"You're blind." Emily teased with a smile, dropping her hand from Ember's neck as she sighed.

"Yeah you're probably right." She sighed. "Even the blind need to eat though. Are you still hungry?"

Emily furrowed her eyebrows and looked around at the empty arena. "Yeah how much time do you have?"

"We probably have thirty minutes or so before I _should_ be back here for sound checks." She looked over her shoulder at Peter testing the sound booth equipment near the center ring. This wasn't like the tear down booth they used for traveling. It was a built-in, crescent-shaped table that rested between the center and right rings and it never went anywhere. Part of the behind the scenes feel was having it out and in front of the audience and it created a whole new experience.

Emily smiled and nodded. "Sounds good to me."

"Ummm, so did you test the fire?" She swallowed hard and looked nervously over at the metal ring and barriers then back at Emily for any signs of injury. There was nothing. "How'd Ember take it?"

"Uh, yeah I'm not sure he's quite ready but we'll work on it." She smiled and moved towards the tent opening, hesitating to look back at Ember. "I can leave him here right?"

"Yeah, I got him." Mary appeared beside him and smiled at Emily, I'll take him to the post out back."

"Thanks" Emily smiled.

"Anytime." Mary didn't even look at her. She kept her blue eyes to Emily and then straight to Ember as she led him away. It only made her clench her jaw to keep from screaming at herself.

She forced a breath and looked at Emily instead and instantly her body relaxed. "Ready?"

Emily crinkled her eyebrows as she looked after Mary and Ember. "Yeah." She nodded.

Finding something to eat was easy. Luckily Emily was just like she was and don't care as long as it was food. Variety seemed to work best for both of them so why not try it all. She was juggling fries and a salad along with a bottle of water and Emily was carrying popcorn and the worlds best cotton candy. If there was one thing the circus was bad for it was sticking to a diet because there was no way of that being successful. Thankfully with all of the actual manual labor that came with the job sometimes, and how tired everyone was by the end of the day, she forgot to eat at all let alone had time or energy to carry around armfuls of fried food and spun sugar.

"So did you and Mary find anything?" She asked, dropping the food down to the ledge of the half wall and scooting herself up to sit. "You guys were working on costumes right?"

"Yeah." Emily slid up beside her and nodded, plucking a french fry from the stack. "I don't know how much progress we made. There's a few things I liked but I don't know if you've been in that room before because it's a little overwhelming."

"I have been in there so yes...I know." She smiled. "Where do you think Ember's ribbon and feathers came from? I try to avoid it at all cost but that was visit was an exception."

"I like it its just...a lot to take in." Emily chuckled. "We tried on the basics but I'm still trying to decide what I want." She picked up the salad and scooped up a few bites.

She probably shouldn't but she felt relieved that they hadn't found a dress yet, more importantly that Mary hadn't whipped out a certain outfit that she had been boycotting for years. The girls had made it for her and she had never even tried it on. At least she found comfort in the fact that Emily hadn't either. Red velvet was fine in jacket form but the girls had taken it to a whole new level.

Emily shifted on the half wall to face her. "So how do improvs work exactly?"

"Pretty much the same show, same music but just a little less organized." She smiled when Emily did and loved the interest in her brown eyes. "The girls usually work the audience a little more than they normally would and...obviously Riley's car has become a prop."

She directed her eyes to the turquoise muscle car speeding recklessly through the open side curtain. Mary had won out on the battle, which wasn't surprising. She sat behind steering wheel while Riley was likely pale in the passenger seat. The tires dug into the dirt track as she hit the gas then skidded to a hard stop in front of the center ring barriers, throwing a high wall of gravel into the front left side of the front row. It would make for a perfect spot to be seen by everyone if the entire middle section wasn't blinded by shards of earth. Of course Mary knew the spot was right all on her own. While Mary and Riley got into trouble with each other...Mary was the most dedicated part of the show besides herself and honestly... sometimes she was better. She was possibly the only one that had never actually complained about anything and while she put up fights sometimes, her heart was always with her work. She had a lot of respect for Peter but with everything that Mary had been through in her life she had so much respect for her. She swallowed hard and picked over the fries, distracting herself because the guilt crashed through her again.

"That's definitely gonna be entertaining to watch." Emile smiled

She looked up and followed Emily's eyes to Mary climbing up on the hood of the car with her arms crossed as she argued again with Riley.

"The fighting or the routine?" She laughed. "The girls are good but throw in Mary and Riley getting into a heated argument and it becomes so much better. Mary dressed in next to nothing, swearing at Riley while he tosses fire."

"Well, Mary has good aim so how about Mary throwing objects at Riley while he swears..wearing next to nothing."

She laughed and nearly spit a french fry. "Okay or, Riley singing and dancing around in a corset while Mary throws fire and glass objects."

"Perfect!" Emily grinned. "Encore!"

She shook her head and laughed. "Wow you are already just as messed up as the rest of us."

Emily smiled proudly and shrugged. "Its easier than it looks."

Her cheeks warmed and she had to force herself to look away from Emily's smile. The happiness she felt by just sitting here with her was indescribable and so unreal. That was the perfect word. Unreal. None of it felt real and she would be perfectly happy if it stayed that way forever. Her history proved that the universe had a fucked up little way of sneaking up on her when she was finally happy and pulling the rug out from under her feet, laughing as she fell to the ground along with all of the broken pieces left of her life...and heart. 'Here you go Paige... be happy. Please be happy so that you have something that I can rip from you when you're not expecting it.' The problem was that after so many falls of her own she had never stopped expecting it. She possibly never would and that was either a blessing or a curse. It was good because it wouldn't hurt so much and bad because it kept her from really living sometimes. She didn't feel like that when she was with Emily. The ground moved when she was around and the difference was that she had instantly adjusted to the rotation. It was effortless and right and made perfectly for her.

"Check!" Peter's voice echoed through the speakers as he checked the sound board.

They ate a little faster and cleaned up, stretching against the wall as she slid back to the ground. She could hear crowds growing outside. The small dim house lights shut down completely as Peter tested emergency exit signs and then quickly flipped through an array of colored lights as he tested each one. He moved through fifty light combinations in just over a minute and then proceeded to test two-second snippets of the entire song list before shutting it all down and reaching for a water bottle. Other performers had begun filing into the arena through the side curtain and were now rearranging props and heading into the back to change and get ready.

Emily nudged her arm. "So much for your new act." She whispered.

Her shoulders sunk as she followed Emily's eyes to Riley's car. Mary was now sitting on the teal hood with her tall boots kicked up on the chrome bumper as Riley dropped to the ground to adjust the fire line on one of the barriers he had rigged for Emily. She ran her fingers absent-mindedly over the black nylon on her thigh, her hair falling over her shoulders and shadowing her face in way that made her look exactly the way Emily had been seeing her.

"Damn I was relying on that act." She joked half-heartedly and sighed at the way Mary was quietly watching Riley work. She owed her an apology for snapping at her earlier and seeing her sitting there like that made her grasp the fact that she actually owed Mary more than just the one. "I'm gonna go talk to her for minute."

Emily nodded and reached for the bottle of water still sitting on the ledge, finishing it off and tossing it into the recycling bin by the front row. She leaned against the half-wall again, picking at the bag of cotton candy as she waited.

She was only halfway to Mary when she looked up and met her eyes. The blue that had been ice earlier hadn't changed and she could tell Mary was biting the inside of her cheek, hard judging by the way she crinkled her eyebrows and looked down at Riley again. She forced a deep breath. It was only Marley, the girl who was probably stronger than she could ever be. The one that could take every snarky line of banter and return it without missing a beat. The girl that kept everyone on their toes and the girl that they'd all do anything for because she was always there when you needed her and she never asked why. Four years ago she had...

"Doors in thirty, curtain in forty, Paige!" Peter called over from the sound booth as he pulled his headset off and handed it over to one other tech guys.

"Fuck! Seriously?" She snapped, stopping in her tracks. Frustration passed through her ripping her from her thoughts so abruptly that she didn't expect to say it out loud yet it ended up echoing off the stands. It wasn't that she didn't want to have the improv for Molly but at the moment she wanted to talk to Mary before she lost the bravery that was in those french fries...or salad or wherever the hell it had come from. The moment of clarity that was finally enough to make her admit to herself that something was bothering Mary and that it was most definitely her fault. She needed to apologize...for a lot.

Looking over at her sitting on the car she was met with a sarcastic smile as Mary chuckled at her outburst, shaking her head as she slipped down from the hood and walked off towards the back stage area, leaving her to stare after her which was what she probably deserved anyways. It was like the calm before the storm. Fuck.

"Marley!" Little Molly appeared through the side curtain followed close behind by her mom and Sydney. She ran straight into Mary's arms and was scooped into a hug.

Peter shook his head and smiled. "Are you and Mary having a fight or something?"

"Yeah or something."

Peter nodded but refrained from using his wisdom to say anything else on the subject and she loved him for that. "Rounds?" He asked.

She sighed and looked over her shoulder at Emily with apologetic eyes but she just smiled encouragingly and pushed off the wall. "Em, you can come with me if you want."

"I'll wait out here with Peter." She said sweetly, making him smile and nod as she walked closer. "Do what you have to do and I'll see you at intermission. I don't want to miss Mary and Riley fighting and dancing in scant clothing." She teased

She took a deep breath, now even more reluctant to work because of how understanding and patient Emily was with all of the craziness going on around her. "After this improv we the rest of the day."

"And tomorrow." Peter added, flipping a sheet up on the clipboard in his hand.

She squinted her eyes and turned to face him. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, rain is following us and we can't have people walking around the grounds during a storm in tornado season. We need to close down after the show."

"Damn."

"At least we don't have to worry about issuing refunds since we don't charge here."

A smiled tugged at her lips as she turned to Emily again. "Okay so we have today and tomorrow." She corrected.

"Go I'll be fine." Emily assured, moving towards the sound booth where Peter was standing.

Arms wrapped around her waist as she was turning away. "Paigey!" Molly smiled, hugging her legs and looking up at her. Her bouncy chocolate curls were free around her face and green eyes twinkled.

"We match." She smiled and crouched down to her height, fluffing her red puffy dress. "Are you excited?"

Molly just nodded and giggled as she looked over at Emily and Peter, immediately running over pass round her amazing little hugs.

"Emily has cotton candy." She shouted after her, winking at Emily as she threw her under the bus. "Keep her company, Molly."

Emily ducked her head and smiled as she turned to retrieve the bag off the ledge.

"I've checked everything out here so all you have to do is the back." Peter sighed and handed over the clip board, stretching his arms over his head. "You girls are tough and you'll be fine." He frowned and even he seemed unsure.

"Yeah I hope so." She smiled lightly and pushed past him towards the back curtains, hoping work would take her mind off of everything that was for at least a few hours.

Ten minutes later and twenty to curtain call and her mind was finally starting to relax. She was in her element now and that made every worry disappear. Everything felt right when she was surrounded by streams of colored velvets and silks as the tiny crystal lights twinkling overhead. It was the only place she could come to and feel like everything would be okay and now with Emily so close it was more than okay.

She checked the locks on Stella's cage, glancing around the small enclosed space for a moment to check off the lit exit signs before turning back to watch her sleep. She'd always be able to find peace in the strong breaths rolling through Stella's lungs and the purr that rattled in her throat. The grass was soft beneath her boots and though the sunlight shone brightly through the candy cane stripes the wind kicked up beneath the curtains and brought with it the scent of rain from a approaching storm and...summer fruit. Stella pulled herself to her feet and the soft purr vanished. Her muscles tensed and her jaw clenched because every part of her body knew that scent and reacted immediately out of habit, shutting down and locking up like a paralysis.

"Shes gotten so big."

Her eyes slammed shut but she didn't move. She should have expected this...she did actually but denial was strong sometimes.

"You're not allowed to be back here." She kept her voice steady though it felt anything but.

"Then tell me to leave, Ringmaster."

"Leave." She sighed lightly and continued checking over her clipboard, working regardless of the nuisance standing behind her. She checked Stella's locks again.

"Be nice, Paige."

She turned and kept her eyes averted from the girl, moving her body across the small space to grab Stella's rope. "What are you doing here?" She forced herself to keep her voice calm but it was hard. There were people nearby and this conversation needed to be over and done with before it had even started. "I ask you every time and you still can't give me an answer that means anything."

"Relax Paige I'm just here with friends."

"Either they don't know you yet or they're just like you." She moved back over to Stella and hooked the purple rope beside her cage so it was ready when she needed it. "In any case friend isn't a word that applies."

"Wow, after four years you're still pissed at me? I'm here because I wanted see how you were doing. I'm not trying to start anything."

"Well I'm doing great but your lying abilities have decreased with age." She dangled her fingers into Stella's cage, relaxing as her white fur brushed past. Stella was pacing uncomfortably. Somehow she felt the same way.

"And you haven't changed a bit. You're threatened by me being here because you're still scared and confused..."

She turned then, her eyes falling on long blonde hair and honey eyes speckled with green that she knew so well. She could feel the bile churn in her stomach by just hearing her voice but seeing her standing there smiling made it rise up her throat, struggling to choke it back. That was anger...not fear.

"See that's where you're wrong." She shot "It's not because I'm scared Cassie it's because I don't need to hurt you to feel better about myself. That's the difference between me and you.

Cassie's smile widened as she crossed her arms over her chest and jutted a hip. That stance made her cringe because it meant she was making herself comfortable for the moment, settling herself in.

"Oh please you needed me just like I needed you. You were happy with me."

"I was so happy." She agreed, seeing the way hope of victory shot through Cassie's eyes. Winning was the only thing that mattered to her and that was the sad truth. "At least you let me think I was for awhile. We needed each other for different reasons Cassie and my reasons were right. Can you say that about yours?"

"I didn't make you think anything that you didn't want to believe on your own."

"Yeah you're right you didn't make me. I was happy with you because I wanted to actually be happy and you just played along. Such a trooper."

"Come on Paige we weren't that bad. We had fun together, remember?"

"I know I wasn't bad!" She snapped, the level of her voice climbing. "I know that! That was all you...all on your own. Your idea of fun wasn't that same as mine."

Cassie stifled a laugh as she shook her head. "You're not innocent Paige. You created that game and you had no problem playing it with me because you wanted the same thing I did."

"I wanted you and I wanted you feel the same way but I learn from my mistakes Cassie. I don't pretend to be innocent. I don't show up where I'm not welcome and pretend to be a good person just... so what...so you can check off the 'I did my best' box on your list of morals?"

"And you're so happy without me?" Cassie's voice was cold and taunting and that wasn't surprising at all. "Because something is still clearly bothering you so speak your mind for once."

"Yeah, the fact that you're on my property forcing yourself down my throat every time I'm here. You're pathetic."

It's amazing how important personality really is. You could be the most gorgeous person in the world and be the worst person too. Physical beauty is forgotten when you realize how ugly the interior is and there's nothing beautiful about Cassie's. The smirk on her face is set to cause harm and she doesn't care how transparent she is in the process.

"Yeah I remember you being pretty pathetic when it came to me." Cassie smiled, taking a step closer which she countered with a step back.

"I'm happy now because of a girl that's nothing like you. She's already everything you'll never be. You're so far gone and I'd...I'd like to think there's hope for you but fuck if I can anything redeeming. I have people around me that love me and I don't need you. Not anymore."

Cassie's eyes sparkled as something peaked her interest and a smile tugged at her lips that made her throat tighten. Realization struck as to why Cassie was here and honestly she knew all along. Denial doesn't work forever. Cassie wanted to make an example out of her and push her as far into the ground as possible because that's who she was. She took pleasure in humiliating people that saw through her bullshit.

"God you never even told any of them did you? That's why it's so easy for me to just walk in here." She smiled and shook her head, amazed that she hadn't figured it out sooner. Not that it would have changed anything because this only made Cassie feel like she was further ahead and closer to winning. "Are you afraid they wouldn't care or are you afraid that they'd treat you like the victim you always tried so hard not to be?"

"It's for your sake too...not just mine. I didn't do anything wrong. The only mistake I made was feeling anything for you. You'll never have anyone like them because nobody can stand to look at you once they know you." Cassie's eyes sharpened at the ugly truth, though for her personally...it was beautiful and she needed to say it out loud.

"Yeah? And how about dear mom and dad, Paige? How are they doing these days?"

"That's exactly what I'm talking about, Cassie. You cut throats to make yourself feel better. You grasp at straws just to stay in the game. You don't have limits do you? You pick at everything that hurts someone just to try to prove a point that you don't even have because you're ruthless. You only care about yourself which is why you're alone and I'm not...its why those people that you're with will never give a shit about you."

"What the hell is this?"

Her throat tightened as looked over to see Mary standing in the doorway, questions in her eyes as Riley slipped in behind her.

"Awesome its Marley." Cassie threw her hand up and let it slap down to her thigh as she glared into her. "Still showing up where you don't belong?"

"Yeah see that's the thing, Sweetheart." Mary smiled condescendingly and stepped closer, her arms relaxed across her chest. "I've been here the same way I always will be and you're still just a massive bitch so...who doesn't belong? Nothings changed here."

"And just like before this is none of your business." Cassie shot.

"It is my business actually." Mary kept her voice calm but judging by the flaming blue of her eyes...it wouldn't last. "You coming here makes it my business because I've had to wonder for years about what you did to fuck up and we've all suffered.

"Just tell them Cassie..." She sighed weakly. "You keep coming here so that must be what you want because I can't find any other reason. It's what you want right?"

"No bullshit, Paige!" Mary snapped and glared at her just as quickly as she had with Cassie. "You tell me. You came to me after she bailed and you never told me why."

Cassie laughed mockingly. "You went to her?"

"Shut up, Cassie!" She shouted, not tearing her eyes away from the questions in Mary's eyes. Cassie didn't even deserve that acknowledgment and she didn't heed it regardless.

"You're such a fucking bitch, Marley. Seriously? I thought cock was more your speed but I guess the best whores enjoy having both."

The thing with Mary is that she has the strength to stay completely composed when she wants to. Pressure doesn't get to her unless she wants it to. You could say anything you want and she'll stay in control until she's ready and there's never a way of preparing yourself because what works one time won't work the next. Her terms.

"That's a compliment coming from you with your pack of sluts waiting outside." The control in Mary's eyes was cracking slowly. She readied an arm to block them from moving any closer to each other. "For four years we were here for her and where were you? You screwed up and left us to deal with your mess so just shut the fuck up... right now. You don't get to speak."

"Oh God Marley, you think you're so righteous? You fucked half the guys on the train." Cassie shot venom as she sized Mary up. "You never could keep your legs shut could you?"

"Half the guys in the world still wouldn't be as bad as hurting her. I only 'fucked' Riley."

"I didn't know that." Riley smiled proudly and puffed his chest, drawing Cassie's attention to him now which is exactly what he intended. The hero.

"And yet you still slept with her." She shook her head. "You guys are all fucked up."

Riley's smile widened. "Well yeah but..."

"Shut up, Riley..." Mary bit at the corner of her lip and whipped her head around to him.

"No let him speak for himself." Cassie smirked. "Even he's surprised you weren't whoring around."

"Disappointed actually." Riley corrected and shrugged nonchalantly as Mary smiled and shook her head in disbelief. "I thought you were more experienced, babe." He winked.

"Riley!" She pulled her eyes from Mary and Cassie to tear into him. Though his resilience was respectable it wasn't the best time. Peter walked in suddenly and popped Riley in the back of the head and he quickly sealed his lips in defeat.

"Oh, its Peter." Cassie smiled wider. "I'm pretty sure you were fucking Marley at one point."

"Actually you're the only one that slept around Cassie. That undesirable knowledge comes with knocking on doors every morning." He sighed as though he was bored out of his mind, or at least trying to appear that was. He was likely just trying to keep things from escalating any further but suddenly it was too late for that. "A word of advice...you're not actually required to answer the door."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She stepped closer, breaking the glare-off Cassie was having with Mary and forcing her eyes back. "God, I guess I'm not surprised.

"Oh grow up, Paige." She retorted. "Life sucks."

"Because of people like you!" she snapped. "Fuck! Who was it?"

"Wait..." Mary demanded, edging up beside her again. "If Cassie cheating is news to you then what the hell is this all about?"

Cassie groaned impatiently "None of your fucking business!"

Mary pointed at her directly and her limit had been reached. The calm was gone and she knew why. For four years she had let them believe whatever they wanted and now that the whole truth was close... Mary wanted it. "I'm going to knock you on your ass the next time you open your mouth." Riley was there instantly with a hand firmly on Mary's arm, holding her back though it didn't phase her one bit.

"I'm not scared of you Marley so save it."

"Okay..." Mary stepped closer automatically and pushed the sleeve up on her black satin jacket as she clenched her fist. This time she brought her readied hand up against Mary's stomach to block her, pleading with her to take a step back.

"Don't." She whispered, locking onto Mary's blue eyes and begging her to stop. "I'm not about to fill out paperwork for you hitting a customer because that's exactly what I'd have to do. I'd be forced to let you go and I can't do that..."

Mary swallowed hard and the anger in her eyes dissolved, helplessness making itself known again. It wasn't something she was used to seeing in her and the effect it had was heart breaking.

"Paige, please just tell me because I'm fucked up over something I don't even know the details to so...just give me that." Mary choked on her words but her determination was stronger. She felt her eyes sting from seeing her this way, knowing that it was her fault. "I think I've been more than understanding..."

"Whores are always so understanding aren't they, Marley?" Cassie laughed, zeroing in on Mary's vulnerability in that moment because that's what she did best. She vultures around and tears people apart until there's nothing left and then she basks in the pleasure she takes from hurting others.

Cassie stepped closer and her body tensed, pressing firmer against Mary's stomach to keep her back. One glance at Riley and she knew he had tightened his grip on her arm too.

"She doesn't have it in her to blame anybody but herself." Cassie spat. "That's all she's ever done. She blames herself for everything because she knows she's not ever going to be good enough. She can't even be good enough for whatever perfect person she created in her head that nobody could ever live up to." Cassie's eyes locked onto her now. "You can't even be honest with your so called family so who do you have Paige?"

"For fucks sake Cassie with the nonstop shit flying out of your mouth!" Mary shouted. Riley pulled her back more but she dropped her hand from Mary's stomach, trusting in his strength to hold her as she turned to Cassie on her own.

Enough was enough the second she saw the hurt in Mary's eyes that didn't belong there. It was her fault that it was there at all and this had been a long time coming. She was done being too scared to speak up and defend herself. She was too scared to be weak like Peter always teased and while it was innocent on his part...it hit too close to home. The only reason Cassie is brave enough to be here is because she's relying on her silence. If Cassie believed for one second that she was strong enough to tell everyone the truth about her then she never would have come at all.

"You're right!" She snapped, seeing the first falter in Cassie's eyes. "I can't blame anyone and you all know that...but its because of you, Cassie. It's because I wanted to be happy with you and you made me feel worthless. You made me feel like I needed you and that I'd be nothing without you. I still can't blame you for anything you did but I at least have it in me now to tell everybody _everything_ that I have to to keep you from coming back here. That's what you want right? For everyone to know so you can feel proud of your handy work and your ability to screw with my life?"

Cassie smirked uneasily. "Paige..."

"No shut up." She cut off her words. "I'm giving you what you want aren't I? I'm talking now? I looked up to you I trusted you which is exactly what you wanted. I wasn't moving fast enough for you because I wasn't ready and you knew that but you were so set on getting your way. You wanted me so you could steal money from parents and so you could keep buying that shit that you slipped me the first time..." Her throat tightened but she pushed on, biting back the closing of her throat. She was too determined to ever let Cassie see her broken again because she was so far from that place now. "I woke up confused and alone I found you sitting around with your friends like nothing had happened. I realized how fucked up you were but I fought it. I stayed with you because I doubted myself. I blame myself for everything you did and I protected you from my parents finding out. Then when I'd finally had enough and told you to leave you threw me into a wall to say thank you. You won.."

Movement slowed around her and the first thing she noticed was Cassie's eyes flicker to Riley releasing Mary's arm and voluntarily taking a step back. Time picked up in double as Mary's fist made contact with Cassie's jaw and threw her back stumbling. She hated the chivalrous part of her that reached and grabbed onto Cassie's arm to keep her from falling, her reflexes were working faster than her mind but that was for herself...not Cassie and she released her instantly, maybe so that she could be the one to hit her this time. The reason was unclear and she didn't have time to pick one.

"Fuck!" Cassie snapped, her hand flying to her mouth and smearing the blood on her lip.

Her concern wasn't for Cassie. She turned to face Mary, stepping in front of her to block the way just as she pushed forward, pulling her arm back to hit Cassie again. She reached for her red hand but it was quickly yanked away as her body froze. Her blue eyes glistened and the helplessness on her face was like a bludgeon to her whole body, all tension fading from her body as if every once of fight in her was gone. That was a confusing thing to see because Mary always had so much.

"I fired myself this morning." She said weakly. "Let me have the last improv for Molly and I'm gone. Saves you the paperwork."

"Mar..." She reached for Mary's arm again as she turned away towards the curtain but immediately it was ripped from her.

"Please don't." Mary breathed, disappearing through a stream of blue. Riley sighed and followed after her slowly so her eyes shot to Peter instead.

"Fix the paperwork, Peter." She demanded, forgetting Cassie behind her as she moved to follow Mary. "She's not going anywhere."

"I already fixed it I just need you to sign it." Peter looked at her softly but she kept her eyes to the ground as she edged around him. "You're gonna need her to sign it too."

Her legs faltered as she heard his words but it wasn't the main reason. The main reason was the girl standing just behind him. The girl with her arms wrapped protectively around her chest...again. She clenched her jaw and swallowed the burn in her throat, forcing herself to focus.

"I'm sorry, Em." She whispered, leaning in to kiss her cheek without really looking at her. She couldn't. Emily was holding herself together the way she had in Rosewood, but she was also lucky to be more separated from the whole situation because she wasn't there four years ago. There were people that her actions had hurt more directly than Emily, thankfully. She felt guilty for feeling thankful over something like that.

She pushed through the curtain and tossed every emotion she was feeling to the hard ground, trampling them over as the crowd began chanting for their entertainment. The anger at Cassie being here, the guilt and pain that came when she thought of the way she had never confided in the people that loved her or explained why Cassie enjoyed showing up here unannounced. She knew Peter and Riley completely but why didn't she try to really know Mary? The only girl that without fail would have been there for her for the last five years and she had pushed her away instead. Mary didn't deserve to hear the truth this way. Not on Cassie's terms, not under her vicious attacks and insults. She deserved more than that. She could have protected Mary from this if she had told her everything years ago and now what? Cassie had what she wanted, aside from a busted lip. Cassie had pranced her way in and insulted the people she loved and the only person to blame, as usual, was herself. She let Cassie have that power by trying to be strong when she should have just trusted her family. Even her own parents hadn't known and that only made her feel worse.

Her feet faltered as she saw Mary blocking Riley with her shoulder just behind the entrance into the arena. He was trying to check her hand but she pulled away, wiping her fingers self-consciously across her cheek. She bent down and adjusted her boots against her calf and adjusted her ear piece, determination in her eyes as she readied herself to perform. Mary's hand faltered as she sensed her watching but she didn't meet her eyes and she didn't blame her for that.

Swallowing hard she grabbed her top hat from a prop chair and placed it on her head, stepping automatically out into the center ring as the spotlight came to life overhead and the music vibrated from the speakers.

If Emily didn't have a reason to change her mind before...she had one now.

* * *

**Come On Get Higher- Matt Nathanson (Riley) {I Do Not Own These Lyrics}**

I miss the sound of your voice

And I miss the rush of your skin

And I miss the still of your silence

As you breathe out and I breathe in

If I could walk on water

If I could tell you what's next

I'd make you believe

I'd make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips

Faith and desire and the swing of your hips

Just pull me down hard

And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips

Faith and desire and the swing of your hips

Just pull me down hard

And drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice

The loudest thing in my head

And I ache to remember

All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said

If I could walk on water

If I could tell you what's next

I'd make you believe

I'd make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips

Faith and desire and the swing of your hips

Just pull me down hard And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips

Faith and desire and the swing of your hips

Just pull me down hard And drown me in love

I miss the pull of your heart

I taste the sparks on your tongue

I see angels and devils and God, when you come on

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

Singin' sha la la la Singin' sha la la la la

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips

Faith and desire and the swing of your hips

Just pull me down hard

And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips

Faith and desire and the swing of your hips

Just pull me down hard

And drown me, drown me in love

So wrong, So wrong So wrong, So right

So come on, get higher

So come on and get higher

'Cause everything works, love

Everything works in your arms

* * *

**Last Train Home-David Mead (Paige & Emily) {I Do Not Own These Lyrics}**

The caldwells and the oranges

Footprints on this morning's daily news

Counting down the stations

Crosswords on the nougahyde with you

We spent the day remembering the city

Mixing up our streets and avenues

But now you're fast asleep

And I am so alone

But we're together on the last train

All the towns repeating

Four more stops to go

We're together on the last train home

Catching our reflections

Flickering just like a super 8

Somerset and chatham

Someone in an office working late

And you were softly singing in the kitchen

Washing hands and saving him a plate

But now you're fast asleep

And I am so alone

But we're together on the last train

All the towns repeating

Two more stops to go

We're together on the last train home

Rolling past the orphanage

Oil-colored cars all in a line

Pretty pile of stones ahead

Morristown and convent fall behind

It's quiet in the shadow of the city

Clicking wheels are ticking off the time

But now you're fast asleep

And i am so alone

But we're together on the last train

All the towns repeating

One more stop to go

We're together on the last train home

Now you're fast asleep

And I am so alone

But we're together on the last train

All the towns repeating

No more stops to go

We're together on the last train home

On the last train home

* * *

**There For You- Flyleaf (Paige & Marley) {I Do Not Own These Lyrics}**

Sometimes I'm selfish fake  
You're always a true friend  
And I don't deserve you  
'Cause I'm not there for you  
Please forgive me again

I wanna be there for you  
Someone you can come to  
Runs deeper than my bones  
I wanna be there for you  
I wanna be there for you

Swirling shades of blue  
Slow dancing in your eyes  
Sun kisses the earth  
And I hush my urge to cry, cry

I wanna be there for you  
Someone you can come to  
Runs deeper than my bones  
I wanna be there for you  
I wanna be there for you

'Cause I hear the whispered words  
In your masterpiece beautiful  
You speak the unspeakable  
I love you, too

I wanna be there for you  
Someone you can come to

I wanna be there for you  
And be someone you can come to  
The love runs deeper than my bones  
And I, I wanna be there for you

* * *

**Impossible- Shontelle (Paige & Cassie) {I Do Not Own These Lyrics}**

I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not

My illusion, my mistake

I was careless, I forgot I did

And now when all is done

There is nothing to say

You have gone and so effortlessly

You have won

You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof tops

Write it on the sky line

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard

Falling for betrayal is worse

Broken trust and broken hearts I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there

Building faith on love and words

Empty promises will wear I know, I know

And now when all is gone

There is nothing to say

And if you're done with embarrassing me

On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof tops

Write it on the sky line

All we had is gone now  
Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible Impossible, impossible Impossible, impossible Impossible, impossible! Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)

I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love I did

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof tops

Write it on the sky line

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible Impossible, impossible Impossible, impossible Impossible, impossible

I remember years ago Someone told me I should take Caution when it comes to love I did...


	16. Chapter 16

_**Author's Note:**_**_ THIS IS CHAPTER 16! PLEASE IGNORE THE LABEL FANFICTION HAS GIVEN IT. IF IT IS ANYTHING OTHER THAN "16" IT IS AN INCORRECT NUMBERING. THE STORY WILL CONTINUE AS USUAL BUT THERE MAY JUST BE A SKIP IN THE NUMBERING. THERE IS NO CONTENT MISSING! SORRY FOR THE INCONVIENIENCE AND THANK YOU TO FANFICTION FOR THIS ERROR! FML. AGAIN...THIS IS CHAPTER 16_**

_Sorry again for the gap between updates on this one, I'll just plead innocence and distraction caused by the 2 Broke Girls Superbowl Promo? Yes that's exactly the reason. #MarleyBaby. Honestly it had more to do with the fact that half of this chapter was lost and rewritten but...yes Marley on a pole got my through that heartache._

_A very special shout out to __**Verospice13**__! I loved talking to you throughout Blue Lace and that hasn't changed a bit! your interest in the story and care for the characters is so genuine so thank you! And don't get me started on Marley ;p_

_Enjoy this chapter. Big changes ahead for everyone. R.I.P Peter_

* * *

"Emily has cotton candy." Paige winked. "Keep her company, Molly."

Paige smiled as she turned away and walked across the arena, leaving Molly jumping around excitedly at the thought of pure sugar being nearby. She sighed lightly and walked over to the half wall to retrieve the bag but something told her Molly didn't need that energy. With her dark curls bouncy around her shoulders and the red dress fluffed out around her she seemed to hooked up to an IV of straight caffeine.

Peter smiled as she handled the cotton candy to Molly. "I didn't want to ask with Paige around but do you want to go see Ember and have another look at the through?" He smiled proudly.

"Yeah sure." She nodded, and looked at Molly pulling pink fluff from the bag, her little legs were barely able to stay still the only reason she managed to stay in the space beside her was because she was bouncing up and down instead. "Can you save a seat for me?" Molly giggled and skipped over to the first row, plopping herself down into a fold seat to wait.

"She's energetic."

"A little bit but who does she remind you of? " Peter chuckled.

She laughed too when she looked over at Molly who swung her little legs up over the armrest of the chair, blocking off the seat beside her. "Well, Riley naturally but she's a lot like a certain Ringmaster."

"Poor Molly." He winked and turned towards the back curtain. She smiled and easily fell into step beside him.

The arena was still closed and the only people moving around inside was the occasional worker carrying props or performers that was disappearing through the back curtain to get ready. Anxiety knotted tight in her stomach at just how large the arena was and how she may end up riding in soon for such a large amount of people. She hadn't ever had an audience and it was more than nerve-racking to imagine a crowd watching. It wasn't just nerves in her stomach though. There was something else, something less innocent.

It was hard to navigate how she was supposed to feel about running into Cassie because she really didn't know any more than they did, Paige being the exception. She couldn't feel relieved by at least knowing what she looked like or relaxed for knowing that things were over between them. Cassie was still showing up and Mary was just as upset about it as Paige so the only thing she could feel was anger that Cassie was messing around with the people she cared about. It really wasn't even just her own anger. Not entirely. It was radiating under everyone's skin, but she felt it all the same. Paige and Mary were tense around each other suddenly and that was worrisome. When Mary had taken Ember out back she hadn't even made eye contact with Paige and she seemed to avoid her eyes the same way. Paige was cut off when she was trying to talk to Mary and there was a hurt look in Mary's eyes that Paige seemed to mirror, not at Mary but at herself. All of theses things could have easily been fabricated by her mind due to the stress she was feeling with the idea of her first performance in the near future. Maybe she created the tension in her head to distract herself from her own stress. If she had anything truthful to go on it was the way Cassie had hit on her and then walked off with her girlfriend, or girlfriends. That's the only thing she knew for a fact.

"So apparently I ran into Cassie earlier." She said, looking at Peter.

"Somehow I'm not surprised." Peter sighed, pulling back the curtain and allowing her to walk through first. "She likes to show up as I'm sure you've probably already heard. None of us like it and none if us want to see Paige upset but there's really nothing we can do about it because from the business standpoint she hasn't broken any rules."

"It's just guys that aren't supposed to hit girls, right?"

Peter stopped in his tracks to face her just inside the back curtain. "I like to believe physical violence is never okay but especially not in intimate situations like this. I mean Riley and Mary fight a lot, the physical violence comes from her but it's not the same thing. They get rough but neither of them are set out to actually hurt each other. They care about each other too much."

"I'm glad I'm not the only one that notices that."

"Theres someone who doesn't?"

"I thought you were the wise one?" She arched her eyebrows pointedly.

Peter chuckled and hung his head. "She probably has her reasons but Riley and Mary are more obvious than they mean to be. They're like kids on a playground pulling each others hair."

"Well, hair pulling could happen in the process but I don't really plan on that being my goal with Cassie."

Peter shook his head discouragingly. "I know you don't but I'm gonna tell you why it's not a good idea, aside from the 'violence is wrong' bit. Can we both pretend to know that passion makes people crazy sometimes? I don't know you as well as I hope to one day but I'm guessing that's not you."

She crossed her arms over her chest lightly and gave him her attention though part of her contemplated ignoring his advice regardless. Hitting Cassie seemed like the irrational and perfect thing to do to keep her from coming back here. Peter was right though as usual, he doesn't know her.

"First of all Emily, you're too close to this situation. As much as we all hate it, and promise we hate it.. Paige was intimately involved with Cassie. If Paige hit Cassie it would be like a husband hitting his ex-wife or vice versa, right? More accurately a girlfriend hitting an ex-girlfriend?"

"Obviously." She agreed. "But that's Paige, it's not the same thing for me. I'm not in that relationship. Boyfriends probably beat up their girlfriend's exes all the time. It's not so unheard off."

Peter squinted his eyes in concentration and looked down, biting his tongue and clearly chosing his next words.

"Just say it."

He nodded lightly but his expression was beyond hesitant. "I'm gonna be blunt right now and I apologize in advance because it's not really my preference."

"Sometimes blunt is better so go ahead." She nodded, watching him furrow his eyes even more than before. "I'm not made of glass so spill."

He took a deep breath. "So when girls like other girls..."

She choked on a laugh and instantly felt bad because he now looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack. He couldn't seriously be trying to give her the talk because honestly...well, he just couldn't be. It wasn't an option.

"I'm sorry go ahead." She waved her arm for him to continue but he just looked at her in uncertainty. It wasn't like Peter to say something without having a point so she had to put all her faith in and hope that this time was no different. "Seriously, I'm fine."

"Umm...when there's a girl that's attracted to another girl..."

"Okay..." she threw a hand up to rest under her chin and smiled. "You can just say 'lesbian'. There's also a few other translations to chose from but since we're keeping this civil..."

His cheeks reddened but he seemed to regain his strength a little. "Okay so then you know why it wouldn't be right for you to knock her on her ass. She's a girl."

"Clearly."

"So how is hitting her any different than a man hitting his wife? Or more simply put...a straight man hitting a woman? She's a member of the same sex that you're physically attracted to. It's the same thing. You could argue that if Cassie were straight then it wouldn't matter but that's the thing...she's not. Where do you draw the line?"

She jutted her neck back slightly and looked to her hands entangled together across her stomach, letting his words sink in and the fact that he was right. Morally it wouldn't be any different than Paige hitting her or Riley hitting Mary out of anger or otherwise. The lines were too close together and became muddled to easily. It was hard to see where they ended.

"They were in a relationship. Their business has to be handled by them and you getting involved that way will only complicate it." Peter sighed. "If that isn't enough to change your mind then just know that Paige wouldnt forgive herself if you hurt your hand on Cassie's face."

He was definitely right about that and it was probably the only known fact that pulled her away from the idea of hurting Cassie. Paige would only blame herself and she couldn't handle that. As much as she wanted to she couldn't be the jealous girlfriend that let pride get in the way and make things harder on Paige. That's not the kind of person she was so why is it so difficult? Why isn't the idea of knocking Cassie to the ground any less appealing?

She nodded lightly and then smiled. "You'll say 'ass' but not 'fuck'?"

He grinned and started walking again down a curtained corridor. "No, Ma'am."

She followed easily and spent every second memorizing the things that were different about the layout compared to the traveling tent. Anything to take her mind off of the nagging in her stomach that kept telling her to act irrationally. The colors were all still vibrant and the textures were lush. The same twinkling lights hung above and shimmered down the streams of red and purple. She made a game with finding similarities like that and doing so made the differences more obvious. The biggest difference was the size. It was much larger backstage here and the paths were wider. The best similarity she found and the one that made her smile was the stream of royal blue flowing down. The same shade to the one she knew well and the same silky feel. Her mind shot back to Rosewood and the first time she had touched it. She was so lost in staring at it that she hadn't realized she wasn't following Peter anymore. Her legs were frozen in place just staring. Confusion came when she looked for him and found him staring too though the look on his face was different than the nostalgic look on hers. His eyes were furrowed again but concern was the leading emotion this time as he leaned in slightly and listened. She strained her ears but the commotion of people bustling around was too distracting to easily pick up on anything else other than their busy chatter.

"What?" She asked, looking at him curiously as he grew more conflicted with whatever was passing through his head.

"If I asked you to stay here you wouldn't would you?"

She clenched her jaw automatically. There was only one reason Peter would ask something like that. She had only been with them for a week so there shouldn't be anything that he would feel the need to keep her from...except one thing. Her protective instincts kicked in again without fail and that scared her because she didn't know what to expect but she knew who was involved and that's all that mattered. Betrayal must have shown clearly on her face because he sighed softly.

Her throat tightened as she looked at him. "I thought you of all people wouldn't ask me to do that."

"Just try to remember what I said."

He sighed again and slipped into the blue curtain, letting it fall closed behind him and leaving her alone to make her own decision. Not that he would have stopped her regardless but it counted for something. A laugh filtered through the curtain that made her whole body tense even though it was exactly what she expected. She moved in quietly behind him.

"I thought you were more experienced, Babe."

"Riley!" Paige snapped.

Her eyes fell on Paige first but she had her back to her, looking at the girl with blonde hair and hazel eyes. Those eyes moved to Peter as he swatted Riley in the back of the head, knocking a smile from his face.

"Oh, its Peter." Cassie smiled. "I'm pretty sure you were fucking Marley at one point."

"Actually you're the only one that slept around Cassie. That undesirable knowledge comes with knocking on doors every morning." Peter stood tall next to Riley and allowed her to slip in behind him without being noticed. His height shadowed her from eyes but that's not where she intended on staying. "A word of advice...you're not actually required to answer the door."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Paige stepped closer to Cassie and broke her hazel eyes from burning into Mary. "God, I guess I'm not surprised."

"Oh grow up, Paige. Life sucks."

"Because of people like you!" Paige shook her head in disgust. "Fuck! Who was it?"

"Wait..." Mary snapped, holding a hand up as she stepped closer to Paige. "If Cassie cheating is news to you then what the hell is this all about?"

"None of your fucking business!" Cassie groaned.

"I'm going to knock you on your ass the next time you open your mouth." Mary pointed at her directly but Riley grabbed her arm and held her firmly. She didn't notice.

"I'm not scared of you Marley so save it."

"Okay..." Mary chuckled, twisting her right arm out of Riley's grasp and pushing up the sleeve of her black satin blazer. She stepped closer to Cassie but Paige brought a hand up against her stomach to stop her and Riley quickly latched on to her arm again.

"Don't." Paige whispered, her eyes pleading. "I'm not about to fill out paperwork for you hitting a customer because that's exactly what I'd have to do. I'd be forced to let you go and I can't do that..."

Mary's shoulder sunk slightly and you could see the fight leaving her as she looked at Paige. She wanted answers for why Cassie was here and she more than anyone probably deserved them.

"Paige, please just tell me because I'm fucked up over something I don't even know the details to so...just give me that." Mary's voice cracked but she recovered quickly, just not before Paige noticed and not before Cassie's eyes zeroed in on her with a smirk. "I think I've been more than understanding..."

"Whores are always so understanding aren't they, Marley?" Cassie laughed. The vicious tone of her voice made her step forward automatically but Peter stepped in front of her and stopped her in her tracks, forcing her to stay back the same way he was. She couldn't get involved. It would only hurt Paige and she hated that that overshadowed her urge to stand up for Mary. She bit her tongue.

Cassie stepped closer to Mary and her body tensed. Paige pressed her hand into her stomach and made her take a step back and Riley's other hand moved up around her waist, the two of them forming a cage around her.

"She doesn't have it in her to blame anybody but herself." Cassie spat. "That's all she's ever done. She blames herself for everything because she knows she's not ever going to be good enough. She can't even be good enough for whatever perfect person she created in her head that nobody could ever live up to." Cassie's eyes locked onto Paige now with pure venom. "You can't even be honest with your so-called family so who do you have, Paige?"

"For fucks sake, Cassie with the nonstop shit flying out of your mouth!" Mary shouted. Riley pulled her back more but Paige dropped her hand from Mary's stomach and turned to Cassie on her own.

She bit her tongue and tasted blood, forcing herself to take breaths when all she really wanted to be doing was throwing herself forward into this girl that was causing pain for the people she cared for. Her pulse hammered in her ears and the ground shifted from standing with her knees locked with her fists clenched at her sides. She struggled but she when her eyes rested on Paige and the strength in her posture...she released her tongue, swallowing back the dryness in her throat. She felt bad for everyone being subjected to the venom in Cassie's eyes and the way Mary was the one being held back like she was the threat, a caged animal being offered up to Cassie attacks. It was sickening. She and Mary both wanted the same thing, to hurt Cassie for the pain she was causing Paige and they were both being denied the satisfaction.

"You're right!" Paige snapped, taking a step closer to Cassie. A flicker of hesitation shot through her hazel eyes as Paige burned into her. "I can't blame anyone and you all know that...but its because of you, Cassie. It's because I wanted to be happy with you and you made me feel worthless. You made me feel like I needed you and that I'd be nothing without you. I still can't blame you for anything you did but I have it in me now to tell everybody _everything_ that I have to to keep you from coming back here. That's what you want right? For everyone to know so you can feel proud of your handy work and your ability to screw with my life?"

Cassie scoffed uncomfortably "Paige..."

"No, shut up." Paige ordered, cutting off her words. "I'm giving you what you want arent I? I'm talking now? I looked up to you and I trusted you which is exactly what you wanted. I wasn't moving fast enough for you because I wasnt ready and you knew that but you were so set on getting your way. You wanted me so you could steal money from parents and so you could keep buying that shit that you slipped me the first time..."

Paige choked on her words and hearing them sent a stabbing through her chest, pain at what Paige was accusing her of. The worst kind of betrayal and the falter in Cassie's eyes said that it was the truth and she didn't make a move to deny it. Her fist clenched harder and she stepped forward.. immediately Peter's hand shot out and pressed into her stomach, forcing another reality check and it was all she had to not tear his arm off. This may have been none of his business but it was hers, right? Shouldn't it be? Shouldn't this be justification enough? It was Paige's voice that made her stop again.

"I woke up confused and alone I found you sitting around with your friends like nothing had happened. I realized how fucked up you were but I fought it. I stayed with you because I doubted myself. I blamed myself for everything you did and I protected you from my parents finding out. Then when I'd finally had enough and told you to leave you threw me into a wall to say thank you. You won.."

Cassie's eyes widened. She held her breath and followed her gaze to Mary just as Riley released her and took a voluntary step back. Her fist snapped forward and crashed into Cassie mouth, throwing her back. Mary had only just made contact and she was already rearing her arm back again. Paige stepped in front of her, grabbing Cassie's arm to keep her from falling. She'd never want to change anything about Paige and certain not the beautiful habit she had of caring for people, even the ones that didn't deserve it. That's Paige. Everyone before herself. Her choice to keep Cassie from falling completely proved that she was the better person and was also the only thing that made Mary stop her plans for a second hit. Riley snapped his arm around her waist again and pulled her back, her long brown hair whipping against her face as tried to pull out of his grasp. It had been safer for him to let Mary make that move because the alternative would have been worse for him later. He seemed content with the choice he'd made to release her but he was intent on holding her now. Mary is strong but nothing against the muscle of his arms around her.

Paige released Cassie's arm the second she had her footing and turned her attention to Mary with worry in her brown eyes.

"Fuck!" Cassie snapped, her hand moved to cover the blood that streaked her chin.

Nobody paid attention to her except Mary. Her eyes burned into her but and her jaw was clenched as she moved to take a step closer, her fist tight and ready. Helplessness was heavy as Paige reached for her swollen hand only to have it ripped away. Mary shook her head lightly and forced a breath as she took a step back from Paige.

"I fired myself this morning." She breathed. "Let me have the last improv for Molly and I'm gone. Saves you the paperwork."

"Mar.." Paige reached for Mary's arm again but she pulled it away as she turned for the curtain.

Mary's back had been to her the whole time but seeing her now as she walked closer...was indescribable. Her blue eyes glistened and she faltered when they landed on her standing behind Peter, her breath catching in her throat as she took in the tension of her body and the fists at her sides. Mary knew exactly what she wanted to do to Cassie because she had just done it herself. She understood the urge to knock Cassie to the ground and she understood her reason because they had that in common.

"Please don't." Mary whispered, locking onto her eyes and pleading with her to breathe and step back.

It had been a struggle with Peter telling her no but the pain in Mary's voice meant so much more and she didn't hesitate to relax the muscles in her body like her words worked morphine through her veins. She wrapped her arms around her chest instead to fight the urge and felt her own eyes burn as a tear streaked Mary's cheek. She only barely caught sight of it before Mary forced movement back into her body and disappeared through the curtain. Riley was on her heels, his green eyes soft and knowing, of what she wasn't sure.

"Fix the paperwork, Peter." Paige demanded, leaving Cassie behind her as she moved to follow Mary. "She's not going anywhere."

"I already fixed it I just need you to sign it." Peter looked at her sadly but Paige kept her eyes to the ground as she edged around him. "You're gonna need Mary to sign it too." He added.

Her heart stopped when Paige's eyes landed on her, the pain that shot through her eyes at seeing her there. Her body froze and she wanted to reach for her but she couldn't move because as quickly as the pain had appeared in her eyes...it vanished completely, replaced with something worse. Paige was making a decision in her mind like she knew exactly how she would react. Paige was expecting her to change her mind and run, she was accepting it even. The ache that it caused in her bones was like the onslaught before a fever surfaces. You can feel the sickness creeping in and sending goosebumps across your skin, attempting to cool her body as your temperature rises. The bruised feeling of your bones that makes you weak and threatens to pull you to your knees. So what do you do? You don't move any more than you have to because it hurts too much and you pray the fall doesn't tear you apart.

"I'm sorry, Em." She whispered, leaning in to press a kiss to her cheek. The heat of her lips made her eyes slam shut and it spread across her skin, making the ache worse. She dropped her arms back to her sides to touch her but Paige was already pushing through the curtain.

Peter stood strong in front of her with his arms crossed over his puffed chest protectively but she didn't need him. The only thing keeping her from throwing Cassie to the ground was Mary's whispered plea. She was pressing her sleeve to her lip to clean the crimson and she wanted so badly to add to the small amount. She edged around Peter's side and walked closer to her.

"I didn't expect to see you so soon, Pennsylvania." Cassie rolled her eyes sarcastically and continued tending to her split lip that was swelling more with each passing second.

"Yeah well you should hope for things a little more carefully next time but..." she took another step, only leaving a foot between them and Cassie flinched out of reflex at the sudden closeness. "...I want you to listen to me now." She burned into Cassie's eyes because while Cassie knew she was with the show there was one thing she didn't know...one thing Paige seemed to be doubting and that wasn't acceptable. "I'm the girl Paige has now. She didn't create me in her head, I'm here and I'm real. My name is Emily but if you want you can call me Nebraska because I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here everyday that Paige is because unlike you...I have everything I need in her. If you come back here Mary will be the least of your problems." She turned from Cassie and didn't bother waiting for a reply because she knew she wouldn't get one anyways. Peter stood his ground and she faltered as she walked by him, turning back to Cassie. "That warning starts in five minutes." She added, taking a deep breath before slipping through the curtain.

Peter caught up to her quickly as she back-tracked through the maze of curtains but he hung quietly at her side. It took five minutes to find her way toward the arena and she gave Peter credit for putting up with her wrong turns and groans of frustration. He kept silent which is exactly what she needed, to find her way on her own. She wanted to find Paige but judging from the crowd cheering...that wasn't an option and if she wanted to prove anything to Paige then there was someone she needed to find first. Someone more important at the moment.

"Where would Mary be right now?" She asked, picking up her pace and looking between curtains as she walked.

"She should be coming off her first set in a minute. She was first in line-up."

She didn't hesitate to push through the main curtain into the arena but Peter caught her arm lightly and pulled her back. Just in time too because a string if extra dancers plowed through and scattered off into different directions. She recognized Sadie and Faye but as they faded away she moved to walk through the curtain again.

"Just wait." Peter urged.

She took a deep breath but it didn't work. It felt like a panic attack rolling through body and pushing from the inside out. Like she could be torn apart at any given second and her patience was wearing thin. Seeing Paige hurting over things that nobody should have to go through yet she was willing to lay it all bare to keep Cassie from having leverage over her life, to put a stop to Cassie's vicious attacks on Mary. She had opened up everything that hurt her to end it all and lay her trust with the people that love her.

She was about to rip her arm from Peter when the curtain moved again and Mary walked through. Her blue eyes shot to Peter and she seemed to scold him for them waiting on her like this but this ambush wasn't his fault and Mary figured that out quickly.

"The plan is still on, Ems." She smiled weakly but it didn't come close to reaching her eyes. Those were sad and far away and she looked back to Peter again. "Is she.."

"She's gone." Peter assured.

Mary nodded lightly and stepped aside as Riley came crashing through the curtain, like she expected him though he seemed a little startled by the informal gathering. She leaned in and whispered in his ear and he turned and darted out again.

"Riley's relieving the sound guy." She clarified.

"Wait why?" Peter panicked. "Whys he relieving the sound guy? We need him for sound that comes from the speakers like...music and voices and..." he pulled his headset off and checked to see that it was still on. "Riley can't run the equipment."

"Au contraire." Mary smiled. "He's very good with the equipment."

"I don't need that private information." Peter chuckled.

Mary sighed impatiently and shook her head. "Yeah I'm not really in the mood for our banter, Peter. I actually meant the sound equipment but he's very good with that too."

Peter sealed his lips and refused to dig himself into a deeper hole, judging by the smoldering in her blue eyes he was smart to do that. They softened the second they moved to her.

"I have your dress ready."

"Really?" She smiled.

Mary nodded proudly. "Yeah it didn't take long. Just a few small touches but if you liked it before you'll love it now."

Guilt slammed into her stomach and smothered the happiness she was trying to feel. Mary and everyone else had enough things to worry about without throwing herself into the equation. "Is there anything I can do?" Her voice felt dry but she pushed through it and stepped closer to Mary. "Are you okay?" Her eyes went to her reddened knuckles and luckily her hand wasn't near as bad as Cassie's lip.

"Psssh please, I'm fine." She assured nonchalantly, ignoring the pain her hand was probably causing her.

There was a deeper pain Mary was struggling with and watching it move across her face made her feel even more useless to these people's lives. There were things she wanted to help with and questions she wanted to ask but how could she? She felt more out of place than she had before and it wasnt a good feeling.

"My headset just shut off!" Peter shot. "Why is my headset off, Mary? Is Paige's off?"

"No, just yours." Mary's eyes snapped to the curtain and she grabbed her hand quickly and pulled her behind through the stream of red velvet and out into the arena. She didn't have to look back to know that Peter was following. There was no way he'd trust Riley and Mary to do his job.

It was completely dark and she was forced to trust in Mary's hand leading her forward, her mind quickly noting that it was her swollen hand as she adjusted her pressure to a feather light touch to keep from hurting her more. After a few seconds of black a spotlight shot up to the top of the tent and followed Claire and Seth twirling through the air. She stepped up into the sound booth behind Mary and her hand was released, left to watch as Mary picked up a spare headset and went to work typing on a keyboard beside Riley. The entire booth resembled a horseshoe-shaped desk that rested on a platform one foot off the ground an had several small screens and keyboards built-in along with tons of tiny buttons and flashing lights.

Mary turned and looked across the arena through the dark and she followed her gaze, her breath hitching when she saw Paige standing at the far end. The thing that hit her the hardest was her posture, or lack of. She wasnt leaning casually against anything. Her boot wasn't kicked up and her hands weren't tucked lightly into her front pockets while a confident smile tugged at her lips. None of those things were present. Her head was down, her eyes cast to the ground and her hands were too deep in her front pockets to be casual. She was motionless and solemn and it stabbed her in the chest to see her that way. She looked lost and completely alone.

Movement from Mary pulled her from Paige as she turned back around to work on the sound equipment, flipping several switches and bringing another computer screen to life. "Riley?" She called, furrowing her eyebrows as she punched in a few buttons.

Riley wrapped an arm around her waist and his chin on her shoulder as she typed. "Hmmm?"

"Can you work the barriers on a timer in the dark?"

"Yeah, they're still in place from earlier." He nodded against her neck. "What about the ring? It's still out back."

"You've got thirty minutes before I'll need her back here so see if Ember can make another run with it. Just make sure you spray him down." Mary glanced over at her now. "Do you want to try the ring with him again?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "He did it earlier so he should be fine. He's never unlearned anything before."

Mary smiled and looked back to the screen. "Peter can you handle the sound board?"

"What song?" He asked, stepping closer to look over her shoulder.

"Well, I'm running low on love songs at the moment. Riley never gave me my mix CD back but..." her fingers paused over the keyboard. "We're gonna need something faster anyways because it needs to work into my time slot. Give me a minute..." Mary squinted her eyes and typed quickly into the keys. "...this one."

"Ooooh." Riley smiled at Peter and released Mary's waist as she turned around to face Peter.

"No!" Peter snapped.

"Why?"

"Because we stick to the same music selection and that song isn't on it."

"It is now because I just added it and its for Emily so you'll do it."

"Paige is gonna..."

"We want her distracted until we want her attention right?" Mary said, arching her eyebrows as she crossed her arms over her chest.

She strained her ears to even hear their conversation because the music still playing in the arena was loud and the rainbow lights swirled through the dark. Paige was still standing in the same place only now she was talking busily to someone wearing another headset but at least it wasnt the sound guy Riley had kicked out.

Peter sighed. "Considering I have no idea what's going on ...I can't answer that." Mary glared into him and he sighed and played along. "Yes...sure.. we want her distracted until we need her attention."

"Then if we want her attention switch the damn song." She snapped, pointing a finger into his chest. "Run the regular burlesque and then after the first chorus scratch over to this. It's just like a remix and I know for a fact you know how to do it. Why do you guys think its okay to whine so much? If we complained half as much as you guys do we'd be the biggest pmsing bitches in the world but you boys do it and its supposed to be what?...cute?"

"I hate that song." Peter sighed.

You can't hate it, its our song, Peter." Mary smiled. "I'll sing it to you."

"I dislike you greatly and you should know I knock on your door an hour before I knock on anyone else's. Sometimes two hours."

It was cute the way Peter was trying to speak negatively of Mary and sound tough. His heart wasn't behind it at all and he only came of as sounding relatively put out. The smile pulling at the corners of his mouth held his true feelings and Mary was too quickly able to tear through his fight.

"Then you're a dick and I'm definitely singing this one for you." She shot.

"Don't make me do it, Mary."

"Oh you're doing it and you'll smile and nod the entire time because if you don't I'll focus a little harder on distracting you from your work next time. This morning in the office? That was nothing and you know it. There's not enough white out in the world." Her blue eyes glided over him as a smiled tugged at her lips and Riley appeared to be biting back a laugh as he looked at him apologetically. " Just think of this as payback for the early wake-up calls. Try to enjoy it and I'll try to make it worth your while."

"You always do which is why I'm disliking you a little more at the moment."

"You love my breasts, Peter." Mary smiled, shaking her head and turning back to face her again. "Okay, go with Riley and I'll get the tracks and lights programmed over. Come back in twenty to get dressed." She moved back to the screen and began typing and clicking again. "Paige is gonna be pissed at me but you know what? She can suck it. Her face is gonna the next best thing to those cat bath videos."

She went to follow Riley out of the booth but hesitated, rocking on her heels as she turned to Mary again. "Twelve and fifteen." She said. Mary looked up from the screen questioningly. "The lights." She clarified. "Twelve and fifteen."

Mary nodded and smiled back to the screen. "You got it, Ems."

She followed Riley quickly through an audience exit, stepping out into the bright warm day. Bright was an understatement. The sky was white with thin cloud cover which made the sky brighter than the blue sky earlier that day. She squinted as they walked out onto the wood walkway that made up the pier around the back of the tent, venders were selling jewelry and she smiled when she saw stuffed white tigers with purple rhinestone collars. Her eyes fell on the small pond she had noticed the night before.

"If you want I can try the ring with him a few more times." Riley said.

"No, its okay." She couldn't bring herself to pull her eyes away from the clear blue water and she nearly fell as the wooden path ended and dropped a stair down into the soft grass. Luckily the absence of Riley's footsteps on the wood planks ahead of her had been enough to draw her attention back at the last second.

He led the way around the side of the tent to what seemed to be used as more of a back entrance for workers and performers to come and go. Ember's soft braying caught her ears, pulling her eyes to where he stood beside the ring and a bale of hay. He perked up instantly and turned to her as she reached for him. It never stopped amazing her at how good it felt to be running her fingers down his neck even after only an hour of being away from him, still so surreal that he was hers now and she had him at her fingertips whenever she wanted him there. She couldn't keep herself from wanting Paige there at the moment though. Her head felt jam-packed with questions, not for Paige exactly but all the same...there were too many. Mostly she wanted to hold her and prove to her that she wasnt leaving. It made sense that Paige would expect that of her given she had spent years for her life just hiding in a town she hated. Old habits don't die as hard as she had originally thought because this choice was effortless. The second Paige reached for her hand and pulled her onboard the train there was no doubt and no looking back. That hadn't changed and Paige needed to know that.

Riley reached for a spray can sitting on the ground beside a bucket of water and began shaking the contents.

"What is that?"

He looked down at the can in his hands. "Flame retardant and protectant." He stated. "It should keep him from feeling the heat too much."

She nodded and watched him shake the can absent-mindedly as he stared blankly at the ground. She spoke before taking the time to think and maybe it was because she felt more comfortable and confident with Ember beside her but regardless she was quickly worried by something in Riley's green eyes and the way he crinkled his eyebrows over a task that wasn't difficult.

"Are they gonna be okay?" She asked. "I mean do they..."

"You mean is this an everyday occurence with them." He corrected. "This hasn't happened before so I can't really answer the 'what to expect' question. Whether or not they're okay depends on them."

She nodded lightly and stroked Ember's neck as he began applying an even coat to his legs. It was sad how useless she felt and she didn't know how to help or make things any better for anyone because lets face it, she hadn't been with any of them long enough to have the right to interfere. All of these emotions must have shown on her face because it took minutes to notice the silence around her and a few seconds more to notice that Riley was watching her warily.

"This is frustrating." She mumbled.

"What is?"

"The fact that I want to help but I don't know how." She sighed. "You all have your own dynamic and I'm curious but I don't want to ask questions because I haven't been here. You all have years together so it's not really my place and I feel useless because its none of my business."

"First of all...please tell me how you really feel." Riley looked at her pointedly and smiled. "Secondly, its pretty much black and white with all of us. I'm not gonna sugarcoat things or prance around like a school girl keeping secrets. This particular topic is definitely _our_ business considering it involves the two women we're involved with."

"I guess I didn't think about it that way."

"Don't girlfriends sit around with their teacups and gossip about their boyfriends?"

"I don't know whats more adorable...that you see yourself as the girlfriend or holding a teacup."

Riley chuckled and continued spraying an even coat over Ember's legs. "Pinkies up, Girls." He lisped.

"The Riley and Emily Bromance."

"I just have to buy a man purse and I'll be completely prepared." He grinned.

She laughed and shook her head but it faded too quickly as she ran her fingers down Ember's nose. "Is she okay? I asked but I think she's guilty of sugar-coating."

Riley cleared his throat and crouched down to spray Ember's stomach. "Yeah Marley does that sometimes. She tries to protect everyone before herself just like Paige does. It's probably why they pick at each other so much. They've both met their match but they need to communicate a little better." He grunted as he ducked under Ember's stomach to reach the other side. "They have more in common than they think.

It was clear they had strong similarities and that was obviously a reason for their tension. "You didn't answer my question though."

He sighed and straightened himself up beside her. "Marley's been through a lot. Deep down none of it really has anything to do with Paige but she's as 'okay' as she'll let herself be." Riley's eyes softened every time he was thinking about her but when he said her name they melted completely.

She swallowed back tightening that was forming in her throat at the oncoming question she wanted to ask the most. If she crossed a line she at least hoped Riley would say so. Somehow at some point that morning Mary wasn't even a working member of the show and she had no idea of how that could have happened...or what led to it.

"Is she really leaving the show?"

Riley crinkled his eyebrows and flipped the spray can casually in his hand. "She never does anything she's not ready for." He sighed.

"Something tells me you aren't just referring to the show."

He ducked his head and chuckled under his breath. "If she's ready to leave she will and nothing anyone can say will change her mind. Maybe what she needs now is to leave and stand on her own and maybe fixing things with Paige would have the same effect but its her choice to make. She needs to do what's right for her."

"You'd go with her." It wasn't a question because it would have been a stupid one. The answer would have been obvious.

"Without a second thought."

"Wouldn't it be hard? I mean you've been with the show for how long?"

"Ten years." He clarified. "I'd leave without hesitating because while it may be hard it would be nothing compared to not being where she is. I know what everyone must think but I have my reasons." He smiled and his green eyes lit up unexpectedly.

"I think I know what you're referring to and I don't doubt your reasons. I mean its obvious isn't it?"

"It should be by now." Riley chuckled. "I not a push-over just so you know. Maybe I just know her better than anyone else, even herself. Marley's everything I need with plenty left over."

"I pretty much said the same thing to Cassie about Paige." She smiled. "I have everything I need in her."

"Then you wont have to ask me why I'd stay with her."

"I didn't plan on asking _why_."

"And I wont have to ask you what your intentions are with my best friend." He quipped.

"No, but I'll tell you that they're good any way."

"That's good enough for me." He tossed the can beside Ember's water bucket and whistled to a few workers standing nearby smoking cigarettes.

He bent down and unlocked wheels on the base of the ring so that they could move it into the tent. It had been unfathomable as to how anyone could fail to see Mary the way Riley did. If anyone knew her and everything she was...it would be him and he refused to be away from her. After everything that happened with Cassie Paige's blind spot for Mary was making more sense. She could see everyone around her so clearly but failed to pay attention to anything that might be bothering Mary and now it was clear why. Even with knowing why it only made her want Paige more. From the moment she met her Paige had been the epitome of strength and proof that she could pick herself up again and survive under all odds. It was an unrealistic expectation to see Paige as perfect because nobody was. She was broken sometimes too and flawed. Paige was capable of making mistakes and regretting them just like everyone else. The thought of Riley and Mary not being around pained her and she hardly knew them. The effect on Paige would be drastic.

Two men walked over, one of which she recognized as Jack and that had her stomach turning uneasily. He had no problem fighting Paige when she asked him to do something but when Riley ordered his help he trudged over immediately. Even with the extra foot he had on Riley and the fact that he easily out weighed him he didn't hesitate. None of those factors would have mattered against the muscle under Riley's black t-shirt but it was the principal of it and it made her feel sick. Paige was pretty intimidating when upset but Jack didn't see her as a threat...for obvious reasons. The discomfort in her stomach increased when he seemed to recognize her as well...and Ember. A grimy smirk that had her averting her eyes and focusing only on twisting her fingers into Ember's mane, leading him behind them as they pushed the ring into the side curtain of the tent.

Her arm was caught lightly the second she stepped inside and she turned to see Mary smiling with a white dress bag dangling from her finger.

"Ready?"

She looked at Ember in uncertainty and then at the guys pushing the ring. "Yeah, should I just leave him here?"

"No, he's too cute to leave unattended." Mary smiled, scratching under his chin.

She led the way through the maze of colors and held open a purple curtain for her and Ember. It felt odd leading a horse around in tight spaces but she was pretty sure they passed someone carrying a monkey on their shoulder and definitely ducked by a man shoving a knife down his throat. Unusual was normal here.

The purple curtain housed a larger space with racks of costumes and vanities with bare bulb encircled mirrors. There were smaller curtained off spaces in the corner like dressing rooms in department stores. The room on the train could have fit inside this space ten times at least and the towering racks where tripled in width.

She swallowed hard and dropped her hand from Embers mane, leaving him to stand passively by. Panic set in and everything was happening so fast now. She'd think she was ready but then maybe not and then she'd see Paige and her courage came right back. This was exactly what she wanted and she wasn't going to let fear or uncertainty dictate her life anymore. She wanted to find her place with these amazing people and she wanted Paige. She needed to do this for herself. She found peace when she was riding, it came naturally and the only thing she could hope for was that this time would be no different.

"We've got roughly thirty minutes before I need to get ready to go on for the closing." She stated, pulling a curtain closed around them in the small dressing space. She held out a pair of thin soft bottomed ballet flats in a nude color. "I found these.. they might fit but if not we have several other pairs we can try."

She slipped her jeans down automatically and Mary immediately went work running the nylon up her legs and fastening the straps around her thighs. She shivered but at least she managed to hide the trembling this time by simply keeping her muscles tensed. Even knowing what she wanted wasnt enough to fully keep the anxiety at bay over the moment of change that was coming. There was no going back for her after this regardless of the outcome.

"Breathe, Emily." Mary smiled. "Why do I feel like a mother sending you off to be bedded for the first time?"

She smiled lightly and swallowed the dryness in her throat. "Probably because I have no idea what I'm doing."

"In bed?" Mary raised her eyebrows teasingly. "Somehow I doubt that but since I have a feeling you're talking about the show...don't worry. It's no big deal I promise. The track is a loop, right?"

"Yeah, right."

"Okay so the only time you'll be in the dark is before you actually start. Riley has a remote to trigger the fire at the right time and you'll be amazed at how well-lit everything is."

"Yeah but do I just go around once or..."

"That's up to you. The floor will be clear but I'm going to seriously suggest you end in the center ring..." Mary smiled. "...for performance reasons because it's the finale." She added.

"Okay."

"The fire on the center ring is lower so Ember should have no problem jumping it but Riley can also drop it off. Do you remember the course you ran earlier before Paige showed up to have lunch with you?"

"Yeah."

"Okay...remember that show off thing you did with Ember to help burn some of his pent-up energy?"

She furrowed her eyebrows and thought, watching as Mary clipped the garter straps in place. Focus was hard considering but at least she was shaking like earlier. After Ember had taken the ring a few times she had taken to laps with him around the quarter-mile track and towards the end she was just screwing around and letting him choose his own route. He quickly veered from the dirt and took to figure-eights across the whole arena, jumping the barriers of the rings and just being excessively too wild.

"I'm not gonna let him do that." She shook her head firmly. "Its reckless with people around and probably not a habit I should let him fall into."

"That's not what I was getting at."

Mary adjusted the last strap and reached for the white corset. She helped in the process this time by taking her tank top off and unclipping her bra. Mary had already seen everything and she likely would again so there was no point it hiding now. In any case Mary kept her eyes to loosening the strings before wrapping it automatically around her chest and tightening the threading.

"I meant that judging by the time you spent running the entire floor you should know the layout pretty well, right?"

"Yeah I guess so."

"Then think like I do, like a performer. Don't be afraid to work the crowd or take advantage of the space you have. Riley will make sure the floor stays clear and Stella's platforms were moved out at intermission."

"I missed intermission?" Her thoughts jumped to Paige and how she might be looking for her. She was supposed to be watching the show with Molly and even failing to do that made her feel guilty. At least she had her mom and Sydney there with her and she had been pretty occupied with the cotton candy. But Paige...

"Yes but don't worry." Mary insisted. "Paige was busy breaking up a fight with Peter near the concessions. Peter was actually supposed to try to keep her busy so she wasnt trying to find you but apparently three drunk guys made him unnecessary."

She nodded weakly and gasped when Mary tugged the final strings tight against her chest before moving back to unzip the dress bag. Her breath was ripped from her all over again when her eyes fell on the color and the alterations Mary had made to it. The lace covered satin top that blended into feather light gauze around the waist had just a few simple additions. Simple and beautiful.

"Please don't cry..." Mary whispered, unzipping the back and holding it open for her to step into. "...because then I will and I've had to reapply my eyeliner twice already."

She squeezed her eyes shut to fight moisture back, trying to focus on not crying and it was easier with Mary asking the way she did. She didn't have to ask why she had needed to touch-up her makeup. She slipped her arms into the hair-thin straps and Mary zipped the back.

"This is the next best color on you aside from that blue." She pointed to the lace bra laying on the chair. "Which...I'll find a way to get you something in that color."

She slipped the beige flats over her feet and Mary pulled the curtain back and guided her to a mirror and vanity. She kept her eyes carefully away from her reflection, so easily reverting back to her hangover habit to keep the sting in her eyes under control. More for Mary's sake than her own.

"I'm gonna go light on your make-up." Mary stated. "Bare minimum."

"Okay."

Mary gestured for her to sit down in a director style chair and she quickly followed that command.

"I should probably admit now that I lied to you." Mary sighed. "I didn't say anything before because Peter was around but the song he was fighting me over is just for him...not your performance. I have a song for you that I've set up and it'll switch over after my set." She picked through a bag of sealed makeup products and pulled out a light pink gloss, brushing it across her lips. "I needed Peter to think it was for you so that he wouldn't back out and run to Paige because that would kinda ruin all of this."

"Won't he notice the change when the song starts and I'm not out there with Ember?"

"Well actually I just lied again." She admitted proudly. "I programmed the lights and songs and then locked him out of the computer system so he won't actually be able to change anything and neither will Paige." Mary's blue eyes sparkled as she brushed a thin line of gold across her eyelids. "Half the people out there are probably family to either Riley or Sydney so I can get away with more. Everyone else loves us enough to not care though...some of this might actually get me sued by her but its worth it."

"Why do need Peter in the sound booth if he can't do anything?" She asked.

"Because I'm singing for him remember?" Mary smiled. "If he knew this song wasn't for your performance he wouldn't even dream of going near the sound booth."

"Do Sadie and Faye know?"

Mary scrunched her hair in her hands and left it alone to flow over her shoulders, stepping back and smiling approvingly. "They know my song but they aren't needed for yours. Spotlight will be on you."

She grabbed her hand and pulled her from the chair so quickly that she was forced to click her tongue to tell Ember to follow and Mary talked quickly the whole walk through the maze of curtains. Almost too fast for her to keep up but she tried.

"I'll be by the sound booth for my performance and that's probably where Paige's attention will be because she hates it when I dance up there. She basically bitch slapped me with her eyes the last time I even mentioned doing it. Riley can come wait with you until my set is over if you want and then I'll need him for your song."

"No, I'll be fine." She clenched her hand tight around Mary's without really meaning to, glad that it wasn't her swollen hand this time. Her heart was in her throat and if this was happening she needed to focus on what she was feeling without Riley's eyes watching her or anyone else's for that matter.

Mary stopped at a table beside the curtain leading out into the arena. "Wear this for me?" She asked, slipping an earpiece into her hand. "You don't have to press anything for me or Riley to hear you. We're on the same channel so it's just us. Just talk if you need anything and either Riley or I will be there. Likely Riley because I'll be going on in fifteen minutes."

"Okay." She nodded sliding the piece around her ear, surprised at how difficult it was with the shaking of her fingers.

"The lights will change after my song and yours will start so be ready then and when they change the second time, twelve and fifteen, the barriers will light up and you go." Mary looked at her apologetically. "I'm sorry this is a lot but if you remember anything...count to five after the fire starts and end in the center ring. I can adjust to everything else. This is improv it's not perfect its raw so don't stress."

She forced a deep breath to relax and it was easier than she expected with Mary helping her. She was going out of her way to help her the least she could do is try to absorb the information. She pulled her focus from old swim meets and listening to her coach bark drills. Mary was much softer with her advice.

"I'm okay." She nodded. "Count to five, end in the center ring." She repeated.

"And breathe." Mary added.

"Are you okay?" She asked suddenly, turning the conversation on Mary because while she really wanted to know it also helped take her mind off of what she was about to do.

"Aside from wanting to go on a bloody massacre... yes. Though that still sounds like a really good idea at the moment." Mary smiled "I gotta go out with a bang."

"I don't want you to..." She crinkled her eyebrows and cut herself off, wanting to chose different words. "You're not leaving.." That attempt wasn't any better.

"Pssh I know that..." Mary smiled lightly "but Paige doesn't so it seems like a nice reversal of our roles for a change." Her eyes flickered away towards the curtain and it was hard to tell if she was even sure of what she'd just said or if she was doing exactly what Riley said she would. Everyone before herself.

"This may be bad timing and you've already helped me so much but can you do something for me?" When Mary nodded she continued. "My mom wants someone close to me to swap phone numbers with her...you know in case of an emergency. I thought Paige maybe but I don't want her feeling pressured by asking so I thought someone else. Peter would probably talk too much and my mom doesn't need to know everything he might say." She took a deep breath. "I trust you. You don't have to but I promise she's not really annoying so she won't be texting you all the time or anything."

"First of all you're not gonna die doing this. We wont let you." Mary smiled and arched her eyebrows curiously. "Secondly, your mom knows how to text?"

"Just smiley faces I think."

"Good I can teach her." Mary smiled proudly. "I'm good at making little pictures with the symbols. How uptight is she?"

She laughed and shook her head. "Feel free to teach her. It might keep her from checking in too much."

"I'm sending her boobs first..." Mary sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "...just saying."

"Thank you."

"I've already told you...anytime." Mary winked. "Okay, I'm going on in a few and Riley will be over in a minute but he won't be able to stay long...I need him for your song."

"My song?" She asked. "Why?"

Mary started a backward pace. "You'll see. Five seconds, center ring and breathe. Good luck." She smiled and turned on her heels, disappearing through the curtain and leaving her standing alone beside Ember with her heart racing. Panic ripped through her all over again.

"What the hell am I doing?" She breathed, clicking her tongue for Ember to kneel.

"You're doing what you want, Ems." Mary's voice whispered in her ear. "Now take a deep breath and get your girl."

She smiled and slipped onto Ember's back, fanning out the light material around her waist. Her fingers grazed over the color and one of the many small feathers that Mary had placed throughout the gauze around her thighs. She matched Ember and now had a dress in the color of the one she had left in Rosewood. The one that inspired Paige to create the braid in Ember's hair.

* * *

A breath was nice. Several would be better but for the last hour breathing had been an issue, like a boulder in her chest that even made standing difficult. Unfortunately she could only dream about that one nice breath and how good it would probably feel. Anxiety was coursing through her so fast and suddenly she couldn't find comfort or peace in the streams of colored velvet or the feeling of Stella's fur under her fingertips. She couldn't feel it at all actually. Not when she ran her hand across her the stripes on her back or even the feeling of the metal as she closed the locks on her cage after her act. She couldn't feel the heat from the barriers as she stalked Stella up her platforms and she couldn't hear the sound of her roaring any more than she could feel her body flipping numbly through the air or her boots slamming into the ground. It was all feather soft and so distant, a mindless routine she couldn't enjoy. Thats what she was reduced to. The improv must have been going well because the crowd was cheering but even the noise didn't phase her ears the way it should. It felt far away.

Every time the music changed or the lights moved she felt her blood pressure shoot through the roof and her heart pounding out of her chest. She would catch sight of Peter somewhere and the dryness in her throat would surface and then she'd see Mary from across the arena and her airway would close completely. The worst feeling came when her eyes fell on the empty seat beside Molly and she couldn't even begin to process what Emily's absence meant.

Her eyes furrowed down at the clipboard in her hands as she struggled to focus on her survival steps and the rest of the lineup for the show. Every part of her wanted to throw it to the ground along with her headset and just walk out. What was really the point of staying anyways? The only comfort she found was that there were no other shows for the rest of the day or the next. It meant climbing into a dark hole somewhere to hide would be easier without being missed by anyone. She could resurface in a few days or weeks...maybe never and everyone could forget that she had hurt them. Everyone could forget that she had kept them from knowing her. It wasn't herself that she had really kept from them. Not the person she was now. She kept the past of broken parts away from them but they knew her now and girl they knew was real, stronger than Cassie's bullshit and so happy with the life she had. Proud of everything they created together and better for everything that had brought her to this place.

Peter had helped her break up a fight during intermission and he seemed okay, sad but okay. It was hard to tell if he was sad for her, which was exactly what she didn't want, or sad that she had denied him the trust of telling him the truth for four years. She had denied all of them that. They had the right to feel their emotions in whatever way they needed to and she was wrong to keep them from doing that by not even giving them the chance to be there for her. So what if they felt sad or felt pity for her. She didn't want it but it was their right to feel. They should have been given that option.

Riley she spotted at one point rushing around the arena during the short pauses between performances and then of course for his own act. He seemed his usual carefree self and was keeping himself busy. Maybe it was to keep himself from thinking too much about everything. They were exactly the same that way. Ever since they were kids they would compete to out-work each other. If they were angry or upset with each other or anyone else for that matter they would throw themselves into the manual labor of the show just to drown out the war in our heads. It also usually involved a bottle of something strong but Riley seemed to at least be storming around in straight lines.

Mary she hadn't even been able to watch perform. She couldn't bring herself to look for the hurt in Mary's eyes that she had seen earlier because she knew it would still be there. Somehow Mary had quit the show this morning without her knowledge and that was concerning by itself because how could she be so out of sync and unobservant to not know that? She had snapped at Mary earlier but it was hardly a reason to quit, right? Then again how much could a person be pushed away before they just gave up and left and accepted that they weren't wanted? That thought brought a stabbing in her stomach as she looked around the arena for her. It hurt because it wasn't the truth. She wanted Mary to be there the same way she wanted to be there for her and the thought of her not being there was like losing everything all over again. Her parents were the only loss that came close to describing it and if she was being honest with herself and only herself...it hurt just as much. She should feel guilty and wrong for thinking that but her feelings were luckily her own to feel. She hated calling her Mary because it wasn't who she was to her. She was Marley. Marley was real, not a façade or stage name…but the truth. The girl she found in the alley back in Albany that needed her, the one that put Riley in his place when he needed it and yet watched him work with the loving eyes she had failed to notice. The girl that opened her bedroom door that night and held her while she cried herself to sleep because she had no one else to turn to. She was there. Marley was her family, a best friend she didn't deserve. That was the truth for all of them and hiding in a hole wouldn't do anything to keep her family together.

Her eyes flickered over to the empty seat beside Molly and her heart dropped all over again. Everything felt like it was slipping away while she was forced to stand there and wait helplessly by. She wanted to see Emily sitting there. She wanted to apologize for not telling her everything and she wanted to hold her. Emily deserved someone that would be honest with her and she deserved someone stronger than she felt at the moment. She felt like the biggest fake in the world. Having had years of practice it had becomes so easy to lie to herself that even she believed them. It was hard to discern where the truth ended and the lies began. She wasn't this strong girl that Emily needed and she was so far from being right with the people she loved. After everything Emily had been through she needed someone constant and steady in her life and she didn't know how to be that person for Emily. She couldn't even leave to find Emily now. She couldn't be with her every second and sometimes this life got crazy and busy and sometimes she had a hard time stopping long enough to breathe. Emily deserved undivided attention. This morning had been the perfect example. She had to leave Emily for three hours to file paperwork into the office.

What the hell was her problem? She had to stop herself because unnecessary over-analyzing was beginning to kick in and she stopped making sense. People had to leave for their jobs everyday. It was a fact of life and came with being an adult and running a business. She had the luck of being able to work said business four days a week from the comforts of a furnished train moving across the country, constantly passing through beautiful cities and landscapes and she got to do that with Emily now. Plus there was a bar which would come in handy now.

She looked over at the empty chair again and felt her eyes water. The image of Emily with her arms wrapped around her chest was burned into her mind. Along with the pain in Mary's eyes..that image was the one haunting her the most. Emily had thankfully only been subjected to a week of half-truths...Mary had years. In just a matter of minutes Emily was back in Rosewood at risk of falling apart without knowing how to stop it, or if she even wanted to. Emily was sitting beside her on the bale of hay toying with the gold buttons on the velvet around her shoulders. Emily was walking down the ramp of car 12 away from Ember all over again...she was walking away from her.

She forced a deep breath. Her mind was getting ahead of itself and being responsible for the show at the moment wasnt helping. This amount of panic and insanity wasn't doing her any good. She was forced to keep the performers and workers in line and she could barely control herself. She couldn't know what Emily was thinking because she hadn't even seen her since the incident with Cassie so she needed to calm down. Cassie couldn't have shown up at a worse time and whoever's idea it was to have improvs at all deserved to be strung up and smacked with a stick until dead. She should probably find someone to string her up. It had been her idea. Perhaps justice for Marley.

The music changed and snapped her from her thoughts and her eyes went to the clipboard, back to her work. She glanced up briefly at the act leaving the ring and caught sight of movement at the sound booth. She squinted her eyes to focus through the dim light. If it was just the dim lighting seeing wouldn't have been an issue but the swirling strobe lights created the problem. Her eyes studied the silhouette standing in the sound booth and confusion became her prominent emotion. Peter was in the sound booth which was odd because during the shows he usually kept to patrolling the arena for problems but he seemed content where he was. It wasn't completely unheard of but just rare that he settled himself in one place. They were similar in that sense. They both found comfort in moving and even with Sydney staying behind he preferred traveling. When it came to the actual shows though Peter was the biggest control freak and was always worried something would go wrong under his watch so he'd pace.

She looked at the clip board again and frowned. Closing was next and...Mary was scheduled to close. She's popular with every crowd in every town but on their home turf Mary could make up every act and they'd still want more. Mary outshines even herself but that's her job, to perform and entertain and she's mastered her profession. She could also get away with a lot more being back home and with this already being an improv and with her thinking this was her last show...

"Peter why are you in the sound booth?" For the first time over the loud music she realized her earpiece wasn't omitting the soft hum in her ear. "Peter?"

She pulled her headset off and panic set in when it failed to show her the green light that said it was on, or even the red light that said it off. It was dead completely and cut off. That could account for Peter being in the sound booth. Maybe he was having issues too and working on fixing it. It really only served for her to communicate with him and it wasn't like the performers needed to be told when to go on or what to do. After years of this the show could run itself but she relied on the comfort that came with being in the loop on everything, so to speak. Silence from her headset was unnerving and with Mary closing...the uneasiness grew.

Her discomfort shot through the roof when lights came down on Mary standing on the roof of Riley's turquoise muscle car. Her black boots nearly reached her knees and dark blue satin clung tight to her hips. Exactly what she had been wearing earlier which was a pretty serious red flag. The same white corset and skin tight black blazer. Even her chocolate waves flowed around her shoulders. Mary loved the clothing and she rarely if ever wore the same thing twice so the fact that she was now, during an improv, could only mean a few things. Either she really liked the outfit, possible, or she had been too occupied with something else to change. As her voice melted through the speakers she knew exactly the kind of scheming that Mary was up to. Her jaw tensed and her eyes squeezed shut. Someone should pray for Peter. The look on Peter's face told her that he was praying for death to take him quickly. Rest in peace, if Mary will let you.

"Fuck." She nearly dropped her headset from her hands as her mouth fell open in shock. She was gonna get sued for this. The urge to hug Mary so quickly shifted into the urge to choke her and then slap her and then continue with the choking process.

Sadie and Faye worked their way around the center barriers with the extra dancers but the spotlight was on Mary, unfortunately, and the others simply became faded background movement. She sauntered her way down the hood of the car and jumped gracefully to the ground, Kicking dirt around her boots and working a confident strut over to Peter at the sound booth. Pulling her body up onto the counter she catwalked the unofficial runway before she fell to her knees in front of him, throwing her head back and flipping her hair through the air as she ran her hands down her body. A lawsuit was inevitable even with the crowd roaring in double time. She almost had to cover her ears it was so loud. Mary's voice was louder though and it didn't falter even with the arch of her body as she flipped up from her back to her feet again. This was the epitome of table dancing and Peter was her target.

She could see the red of his cheeks from where she stood but she couldn't bring herself to move closer. Her feet were frozen as she watch Mary reach for Peter's hand and pull him up beside her, reluctant on his part but with the spotlight on them and Mary basically having sex with the counter top he was wise not to fight her. She worked her way around his body and her fingertips over the buttons if his shirt, slowly sliding it down his shoulders and tossing it to the ground. Even with how unscripted this was, and how uncensored, she had to admit that Mary was very good with knowing boundaries and how far she could push it. Her hips were swaying as she walked that fine line and Peter was on the verge of a heart attack when she ran her nails across his chest and down his stomach. Dangerously close to pushing it too far. One key phrase Mary sang had her smiling though and Peter's misery sadly became amusing, just for a second. She twisted her fingers into his hair and hugged his face briefly to her breasts before releasing him by throwing his head back and dropping to her knees before him, raking her nails down his jeans. She flattened herself on to her back between his legs and ripped open the buttons on the front of her blazer while arching her back off the counter.

"Shit." She snapped, placing her earpiece in again and forcing her body into movement. Too risky.

She had only taken a few steps before Mary flipped herself over onto her hands and knees, Peter's legs like a bridge over her back as she slipped to the ground again. She smiled at him as she sang, tossing his shirt up and allowing him to slink back down off the counter along with the blush on his cheeks, then she worked a determined pace and jumped onto the hood of Riley's car in one easy stride. The only thing that could save her from flack about this performance was the fact that they were in their hometown. Half of the audience knew them personally and everyone risked coming to improvs. Her heart had slowed considerably by the time she reached the sound booth, coming to a stop at the edge of the counter just outside the center ring barrier, and her eyes went straight to Peter fussing uncomfortably over the buttons of his shirt.

"What the fuck?" She glared and arched her eyebrows hoping for an explanation.

Peter shrugged. "I don't know, Paige." He shook his head vehemently. "Mary told me to run the booth but she locked me out of the computers and I can't change anything."

"Why would she need you to run the booth?"

"Obviously for the routine you just watched."

"You walked into that willingly?" She growled under her breath, keeping her voice as quiet as possible as the song drew to a close.

"No!" Peter shook his head again. Actually he hadn't even stopped shaking it. "I knew what the song was but she told me it was for..."

"Shut it, Peter." Mary smiled as she sauntered over, reaching quickly for a bottle of water and a handheld microphone.

Riley appeared at her side with his acoustic guitar slung over his shoulder and clipped a small mic on the front before sliding up to sit on the sound booth counter. "We're ready." He smiled at Mary.

Her eyes darted between the three of them, trying to pinpoint what they were keeping from her. Peter seemed like their collateral damage and looked overly flustered by his involuntary performance but Mary and Riley were plotting.

"Ready for what?" She pressed, swallowing hard. After Mary's performance she found herself worried about other plans she may have and she didn't trust any of the possibilities passing through her head.

"Your closing statements." Mary sighed like it was obvious and there seemed to be only truth in her eyes, aside from every other emotion she was feeling for not being trusted for years. The tone in her voice that said Mary was upset for even having to speak to her directly or acknowledge her at all. That could have been her overactive imagination in the moment though because Mary was actually looking at music sheet in her hands, softly scrolling her eyes over the page.

She nodded and tried to focus, turning away from them and stepping back into the center ring. It was her job to thank the crowds for coming out. It should have felt like the best part of a hometown show because it meant she was closer to spending time with everyone at their favorite restaurant and bar. She'd challenge Riley to a game of pool around a table that wasnt crowded into a corner like theirs on the train and then she'd try to top Mary with shots of vodka and then likely end up on the tables with her, head banging as they took turns requesting songs from the jukebox. She was closer to seeing Emily.

Her eyes flickered over to Mary and she was met with a soft smile, such a far cry from the pain she saw earlier and it stopped her breathing short. It hurt just as much...maybe more. Her fingers moved to her earpiece to talk as she slipped on to the counter to sit beside Riley. "Breathe, Ems."

She crinkled her eyes brows in confusion and looked between her and Riley and then turned to look around the arena. The lights shut down and her heart hammered in her ears. She probably should have caught on by now to what was going on but her mind was working too quickly to find sense in any of this. She wasnt processing anything. She moved to open her mouth and speak to the audience but a million stars were suddenly projected over the arena which stopped all words in her throat. Riley's guitar sounded softly through the speakers sending chills up her arms in the hot air. He's never played in the show before, even though Mary has begged him on many occasions and she herself had even suggested it at one point. The thought of him playing because he thought it was Mary's last show made her stomach clench hard and her eyes burn. It couldn't be her last. She couldn't move as she looked over at them sitting on the edge of the counter. Riley sat facing her, strumming out soft notes as she watched him. Then she closed her eyes and brought the microphone to her lips, her voice feather light and beautiful.

_*"Take my hand. I'll teach you to dance. I'll spin you around, won't let you fall down."*_

Slowly the stars began to ripple and blue light spread, twilight reflecting on moving water. She tried to follow individual stars to seek out the brightest one but her eyes found their way back to Mary and Riley.

_*The rooms hush hush and now's our moment. Take it in, feel it all and hold it. Eyes on you and eyes on me. We're doing this right."*_

The barriers burst into fire around the track and it made her jump but just as the flames appeared so did a golden light over the entrance to the arena. Gold like the fields had been captured and were now shining over raven hair and a coral dress. The midnight and flame of Ember's body as Emily kicked him into movement. Her hair blew around her shoulders and the pink of the fabric around her waist reached out behind her to touch the gold spotlight. She looked like a sunrise spreading her glow as Ember sprinted and cleared walls of fire. Her heart stopped. The audience was silenced and still. Everything stopped except for Emily's movements and the voice through the speakers.

_*"...lovers dance when they're feeling in love, spotlight shining its all about us."*_

Her chin trembled lightly as she looked to Mary and Riley again. Her blue eyes were soft and looking up to the lights above them all and it made her heart ache. Despite everything that had happened that day Mary was giving her a gift. She was giving Emily something so special and was completely selfless in the process. She was the best performer in the show and she now sat in the shadows singing as the spotlight followed Emily. A rift had formed between them, and she knew she was responsible for it, yet Mary was here doing something beautiful when she didn't have to. None of this was expected of her and she sure as hell didnt do anything to deserve it. That fact Mary and Riley had done this for Emily between their own performances left her mind speechless and she felt her eyes glazing over, just thinking about them being there when she couldn't.

The empty chair beside Molly was forgotten and replaced by the image of a beautiful girl riding strong down a dark gravel road. The headlights from the car didn't light her way... Emily was the light, the one guiding her towards the future she wanted. Her heart held no doubt when her eyes landed on the burning ring that Emily was aiming for, kicking harder into Ember's side as her hips rocked with him. His hooves left the ground and instantly Emily bent her body back and flattened herself against him, the fire encircling them and licking close to her skin. It was that moment that she made her mind speak the words she had been feeling. That moment when she really believed that she was allowed to. Not that she deserved those feeling anymore than she deserved the gift Mary was giving her but perhaps it was a plea of her heart, a prayer to be worthy of loving Emily.

_*Can I hold you real close?"*_

She straightened herself up from Ember's back as his hooves slammed into the ground and twisted her fingers in his mane, tugging him hard towards the center ring...towards her. The fire shot up around her, locking her in while Ember jumped easily through. Her eyes fell only to Emily and the breath leaving her lips as she swung her leg from his back before he had even stopped, gliding gracefully to the ground in step with Ember's hooves.

She felt wet heat drop to her cheek, gold lighting Emily from behind and as she moved closer the coral of her dress was glowing warm and tiny soft feathers fluttered in the light gauze. Emily stopped in front of her and her hands went instantly to the red velvet on her sleeves as she smiled softly. The scent of sugar on her skin stirred in the air around her and made the tightening in her chest relax though she still couldn't breath. There wasn't pain in her brown eyes or sadness, just hope. She wanted to apologize to Emily for everything she hadn't told her, for her having to learn the truth the way she did. She wanted to tell her everything that had happened in detail, piece by piece. Something more coherent than the rambling mess of words she had unleashed on Cassie. It had been like a weight lifted from her chest and allowed her to finally breathe after years of being under water. Her outburst had probably made no sense to the people she loved that were subjected to it but that hadn't been the point of it. It made sense to Cassie. Cassie knew everything she had done wrong and she needed to tell her that she hadn't forgotten any of it.

There was so much she wanted to tell Emily. She wanted to tell Emily how proud she was of her and how beautiful she was, how amazed she was with her strength to change her life in such a big way and her compassion for everyone around her. How Emily saw Mary in a way that she hadn't and so many things that she couldn't wrap her mind around long enough to remember.

_*"Do you hear that, Love? They're playing our song."*_

She hesitated but slowly brought her hands to Emily's waist, her breath catching from touching her when moments ago she wondered if she would ever get to touch her again. Emily was here. Her heart stopped when Emily ran her hands up to be lost her hair around her shoulders, taking a step closer. Mary's voice was fading along with Riley's guitar and every other sound in the arena. She could feel the vibrations through the air but she couldn't hear them over her heartbeat drumming in her ears. All she could hear was Emily breathing.

"Emily, I..." Her voice sounded through the speakers like an echoed voice-over to the song, surprising her and making her words freeze in her throat. It didn't surprise Emily.

Emily smiled. "I Love you."

* * *

**Only Girl- Rihanna (Marley & Peter. R.I.P DEAR MAN)**

La la la la  
La la la la  
La la la la  
La la la la

I want you to love me, like I'm a hot ride  
Be thinkin' of me, doin' what you like

So boy forget about the world 'cause it's gon' be me and you tonight  
I wanna make you beg for it, then im gon' make you swallow your pride

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world  
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love  
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart  
Only girl in the world

Like I'm the only one that's in command  
'Cause I'm the only one who understands  
How to make you feel like a man, yeah

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world  
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love  
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart  
Only one...

Want you to take it, like a thief in the night  
Hold me like a pillow, make me feel right  
Baby I'll tell you all my secrets that I'm keepin', you can come inside  
And when you enter, you ain't leavin', be my prisoner for the night, oh

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world  
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love  
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart  
Only girl in the world

Like I'm the only one that's in command  
'Cause I'm the only one who understands  
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart  
Only one

Take me for a ride, ride  
Oh baby, take me high, high  
Let me make you rise, rise  
Oh make it last all night, night

Take me for a ride, ride  
Oh baby, take me high, high  
Let me make you rise, rise  
Make it last all night...

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world  
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love  
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart  
Only girl in the world

Like I'm the only one that's in command  
'Cause I'm the only one who understands  
How to make you feel like a man  
Only girl in the world...  
Girl in the world...  
Only girl in the world...  
Girl in the world...

* * *

**All About Us- He Is We (For Emily & Paige. Marley accompanied by Riley.)**

Take my hand, I'll teach you to dance.  
I'll spin you around, won't let you fall down.  
Would you let me lead, you can step on my feet.  
Give it a try, it'll be alright.

The room's hush, hush,  
And now's our moment.  
Take it in feel it all and hold it.  
Eyes on you, eyes on me.  
We're doing this right.

Cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love.  
Spotlight shinning, it's all about us.  
It's oh, oh, oh, oh, all about uh, uh, uh, uh, us.  
And every heart in the room will melt,  
This is a feeling I've never felt but,  
It's oh, oh, all about us.  
Suddenly, I'm feeling brave.  
Don't know what's got into me,  
Why I feel this way.  
Can we dance, real slow?  
Can I hold you, real close?

The room's hush, hush,  
And now's our moment.  
Take it in feel it all and hold it.  
Eyes on you, eyes on me.  
We're doing this right.

Cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love.  
Spotlight shinning, it's all about us.  
It's oh, oh, oh, oh, all about uh, uh, uh, uh, us.  
And every heart in the room will melt,  
This is a feeling I've never felt but,_  
[- From: .net -]_  
It's oh, oh, all about us.

Do you hear that love?  
They're playing our song.  
Do you think we're ready?  
Oh I'm really feeling it.  
Do you hear that love?  
Do you hear that love?

Do you hear that love?  
They're playing our song.  
Do you think we're ready yet?  
Love I'm really feeling it.  
Do you hear that love?  
Do you hear that love?

Do you hear that love?  
They're playing our song.  
Do you think we're ready yet?  
Love I'm really feeling it.  
Do you hear that love?  
Do you hear that love?

Lovers dance when they're feeling in love.  
Spotlight shinning, it's all about us.  
It's all, all, all, all.  
Every heart in the room will melt,  
This is a feeling I've never felt, but  
It's all, all about us.

Cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love.  
Spotlight shinning, it's all about us.  
It's oh, oh, oh, oh, all about uh, uh, uh, uh, us.  
(hey-ey hey)  
And every heart in the room will melt,  
This is a feeling I've never felt but,  
It's oh, oh, all,  
It's all about us.

* * *

**It's You- Michelle Branch (Paige's POV)**

If tomorrow never comes

I would want just one thing

I would tell it to the stars and the sun

I would write it for the world to see

And it's you

The light changes when you're in the room

Oh, it's you

Oh, it's you

If tomorrow never comes

I would want just one wish

To kiss your quiet mouth

And trace the steps with my finger tips

And it's you

The light changes when you're in the room

Oh, it's you

Oh, it's you

Oh, it's you

Oh, it's you

Oh, it's you

Oh, oh it's you

Oh, it's you


	17. Chapter 17

**Authors Note: I hope this is worth the wait. All fanfiction writers put a lot of hours into their work so reviews and feedback is so appreciated. It really helps inspire us to keep going. If you tip your waiters or if you dont but feel you should...let all of your writers know how they're doing! love to all of you. Find me on twitter rcampdel Paily*Love*Story to check out beautiful cover art for the story by: Saii79 Enjoy!**

*"Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart, and the senses." – Lao Tzu*

* * *

"I love you."

Her heart should have stopped beating when she heard those words escape Emily's lips. She should have stopped breathing and lost all of her senses. All sight should have been gone...all feeling in the legs holding her up. The heat burning into her hands through the coral satin on Emily's waist shouldn't have phased her at all and yet it felt too hot to touch. Her heart did beat, perhaps for the first time and even the air moved into her lungs like it was the first time in her life that she'd been able to breathe this deeply. Every muscle in her body felt more relaxed than they ever had and her vision had never been more clear. Looking into the deep brown of Emily's eyes she could see the reflection of a girl who was happy and strong and so in love. Emily took her to that place. It wasn't just Cassie attacking Marley that pushed her to take a stand. She'd never put up with Cassie hurting Mary but she had been with her for years and she'd never stood up to Cassie until now. Something had changed, something new. The difference this time...was Emily. Her throat tightened now at the realization of just how deeply Emily had touched her life in such a short time. Just how much she needed her like air in her lungs. She hadn't been able to breathe just moments ago from looking at the empty chair beside Molly yet as her hands slid up to touch Emily's cheek she exhaled effortlessly. The smile in Emily's eyes brought her voice easily, just a breath from her lips. It was a mere whisper meant only for them...even as it spread through the speakers. The world couldn't touch this feeling and yet she wanted the whole world to know.

"Em, don't you know I love you too?" she swallowed hard and crinkled her eyebrows...seraching for words that couldn't ever sound as perfect as she wanted them to or as perfect as she felt right now. "You know me."

The smile in Emily's eyes reached her lips as she pulled her closer and melted into her mouth. She couldn't feel any part of her body except for the places Emily was touching. Her fingertips burned into the back of her neck and she breathed fire across her tongue as everything else faded away. She could so easily get lost in the curves of Emily mouth and the taste she found there. Maybe too lost because Emily pulled away slowly and panted lightly across her cheeks, forcing her to remember where they were. It was just another reason for her to curse this improv because she'd give anything to be anywhere else with Emily in this moment. She kept her eyes closed and her whole body felt like it was smiling because Emily loved her and she didn't have to look at her to feel it radiating from her skin.

_*"It's all about us."*_

"You're so beautiful." She whispered, smiling softly and leaning in to press a light kiss to Emily's cheek, letting her lips linger there longer than necessary.

Her knees buckled as something crashed into her legs, making her eyes fly open and her body stumble slightly into Emily's. The sounds in the arena around her reached her ears all at once and she looked down to see Molly hugging her knee, one little arm wrapped around her and one wrapped around Emily as she smiled up at them. She stepped back from Emily to scoop her up in her arms, chocolate ringlets bouncing around her shoulders.

"Hey, did you have fun?"

Molly's cheeks blushed and she buried her face in her neck. She was never this bashful. Molly was always prancing around owning everyone with her little charms but now suddenly she was unusually quiet, especially odd since she was so excited earlier about the show. She looked down at Molly resting her head on her shoulder and noticed her green eyes quietly watching Emily and quickly realized the difference from earlier. Someone else was standing just behind Emily only a few feet away.

Emily's eyes followed hers knowingly and outstretched her arms towards Molly. "Do you wanna meet him?" She smiled.

Molly nodded against her neck and squirmed against her, slipping down to the ground to take Emily's hand. Her little red dress puffed out around her as she skipped beside Emily over to Ember's side. That wasn't where her eyes wanted to be though. They moved instantly to the coral clinging to Emily's body and the tiny feathers that matched the gold and pink in Ember's hair. Personally she loved the color but with the blue lights rippling down it turned the dress into a soft violet that was breathtaking too. Maybe Ember needed the change of colors. She could only torture the poor guy so long with pink fluffy feathers in his hair not that purple was much better though. She loved the coral but blue was clearly Emily's light.

Emily loves her. Her mind was only able to take small steps away from that fact for just a second or two before the reality of it slammed into her again, knocking all thoughts from her head and air from her lungs. It was something she couldn't ever forget, something she didn't think would ever happen but it was happening. It was real.

"Well that was probably worth the lawsuit Mary set up for you, huh?" Peter teased, stopping beside her with a smile on his lips.

"Shit." Thankfully her microphone was off as she ripped the earpiece from her ear to turn towards the audience. She was supposed to give closing words and yet the stands were already emptying of people.

"That finale was big enough, Paige. Don't worry about it. Everyone's happy." He chuckled and looked over Emily lifting Molly on to Ember's back and she couldn't keep the smile from spreading across her lips as she followed his gaze.

"Yeah I guess that was better than anything I could have said." Her eyes moved automatically past Emily to the sound booth, falling on Mary and Riley still sitting on the counter talking to his mom and Sydney. Her blue eyes somehow felt her watching and they flickered up to hers, softening as they made contact though the rest of Mary's face was free from emotion. She could be strong all day but Mary's eyes never lied and the blue staring at her now only showed an inevitable sadness, the loss of something important and the utter helplessness as to how to get it back. "Peter, I'm sorry for not telling you, but this is why I didn't..."

"We all love you, Paige." His eyes followed her gaze this time to Mary slipping down from the counter as she smiled at Riley. "I wish you wouldn't doubt just how much because it doesn't have limits or boundaries." He sighed. "You and Marley are stronger than this though. You'll get through it and things will be better than before."

Riley jogged closer and wrapped his arms around Emily with a proud smile on his lips while Mary followed him over. The smile on Emily's lips as she hugged Mary made hope shoot through her but it was hope that Mary would be okay. She wasn't worried about herself, she just wanted to capture the first real smile she'd seen on Mary's face all day and keep it from fading.

She forced a weak smile at Peter and couldn't bring herself to acknowledge him much more than that. He was obviously trying to help but his wisdom wasnt wanted at the moment. Not only did she not deserve the sentiment but she didn't know if they'd be okay. She didn't know if they could get past this and the last thing she wanted was Peter giving her false hope when she'd already created more than enough in her mind all on her own. It may seem simple to an outsider, say sorry and shake it off, but one would have to know the dynamic between her and Mary to understand completely. Sure they pushed each other and got a little hot-headed sometimes but while they'd seen each other in raging fits of anger she'd never seen the lost look on Mary's face now. She'd never seen her even close to feeling like this. They hadn't ever fought over anything aside from meaningless things like personal clothing choices or Mary's oversight when it came to buying groceries that weren't in a glass bottles. If there was ever a problem with anyone on the train Mary was the one that always jumped first to have her back. Peter was obviously the one that helped her a lot when it came to handling paperwork and he and Riley would take care of the sometimes poor attitudes of workers but Mary was basically her partner when it came having a friend to look out for her. She could always find support from her even in the times that she didn't agree with her choices. The trust and faith was always there because more often than not...they were so alike. That had been strained when she showed up outside of Mary's door but even after that Mary had been the biggest support sitting in the shadows sometimes, just waiting for a chance to be there in any way she could.

When her parents had passed away for the most part there were supporters but there were a lot of doubters too. Every performer and worker had come back from off-season to the arena to find her in charge and while she took over and laid down the rules and her hopes for the show there had been doubters in the crowd. Regular performers were supportive without fail mostly because she had spent a few years with them all on a daily basis while traveling but there were a lot of workers and people that worked in the offices on the grounds that didn't feel so reassured by her running the show. More than a dozen men had thrown their doubts at her while she spoke to them all about the future. It had been Peter that tried to hold Mary back then and Peter wasn't cut out for that task. He doesn't have it in him to really restrain anyone, especially not Mary with a blazing temper. Needless to say he had merely reached to hold her arm and was met with a hard fist to the stomach before Mary proceeded to grab doubters by the hair and rip them from their seats, escorting them one by one out the door, or one in each hand. After the first few the other were smart to go willingly though there were some that also just shut their mouths to listen. Riley was the guy laughing front row center, waving his hand for her to carry on with her speech over the guys yelping under Mary's attack. Barely an adult and she had lost her parents and was responsible for the lives and hopes of the only family she had left. She was scared and unsure but even then she had unwavering support from them. Looking at Mary now made her wonder if she'd abused that loyalty too much. It made her wonder if that support was running out.

She watched her walk over to Riley's car and glance her way lightly before slipping into the driver's seat while he climbed in the other side. The engine roared to life and this time she drove carefully through the side curtain. Marley was fading away from her because she hadn't returned the same trust and faith that she had been shown by her time and time again. She hadn't confided in her and yet had asked too much by showing up outside of her bedroom door. She was probably the only person that had deserved an explanation.

"Paige?"

Her eyes snapped over to Peter still standing by her side watching her softly. "Yeah?" Her voice was quiet, half-hearted and she didn't fool him with her lack of interest in what he had to say.

She felt bad because she owed Peter explanations too but he knew her well enough by now to know where her mind was every time it wandered. When she felt lost like she was searching in a field of thick fog he knew how to find her, no matter how far away, and pull her out. Kicking and screaming at times because sometimes she liked being lost in the haze. He couldn't have expected this fog, these four years spent keeping herself guarded from her family. He couldn't pull her out when she wanted to immerse herself now in at the thought of having hurt them but there was someone that could, someone that did without trying.

"You and Marley will be okay but in the meantime she wouldn't want you to stray too far from the blessing right in front of you." Peter smiled lightly and nudged her arm towards Emily as she pulled Molly from Ember's back and set her gently back to the ground. "I know for a fact she spent every second of her spare time today giving you a gift and actions speak louder than words."

She smiled just seeing Emily and pushed everything else to the side for the moment, letting the sound of the muscle car fade into the distance and only the sound of Emily's laughter really touch her ears. She was so proud of her and she knew Mary enough to know that she had done something amazing for Emily and wouldn't want it being shadowed by the rift between them. Molly giggled when she snuck up behind her and scooped her up into a hug.

"You like horses?" She growled and chomped at Molly's chin making her squeal and squirm against her. She laughed and set her down to run off giggling to her mom and Sidney over by the sound booth. Peter had joined them and they were laughing and talking as Molly collided with his legs and was scooped up into his arms.

The arena was emptying except for some closer friends and family and several cleaning crews. Some from Riley's side and some related to Sydney. It was nice being here because there were so many people that supported them. Riley had his parents and little Molly along with a string of extended family and Mary was really close with all of them. Riley had grown up in Lincoln and hadn't actually left until he officially joined the show in the first year of her parent's time, though he had worked unofficially for her grandpa for several years prior. She had spent every summer with him since she was thirteen so she was really close with his relatives and it was nice to have him around during a time when she had no one else. Sydney's family she didn't know as well. A few sisters and their families. All her mind was doing with this information was counting off the people she hadn't directly lied to. The four people that mattered the most weren't so lucky.

"Hey." Emily's arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her close.

"Can I just say 'wow'?" she smiled, letting her eyes fall to the dress that clung to Emily's body. "I thought you didn't find a costume you liked yet?"

"Well, I said I was still trying to decide what I wanted. This color happens to pertain to the one thing I'm certain about. It wasn't perfect, there were flaws, but Mary fixed it up and added a few touches and now its even more right than it was before."

"You're not just talking about the dress?"

"No...no I'm not but...same point." Emily smiled and leaned in to nip at her bottom lip.

"So what's this thing you're certain about?" She asked, whispering against her lips. "Aside from the dress thats...just.. wow." She smiled when Emily giggled sending heat brushing across her cheek.

"That I love you."

She felt her cheeks warm and her stomach flutter at hearing those word again. She had no idea why Emily loved her but not one part of her wanted to question it and every part of her loved Emily too. How could she not? Her deep eyes and compassion for everyone around her. Her soft touch and ability to see her even when she felt shrouded in darkness. Emily was the ray of light. No...more than a ray. Emily soaked up the light around her and reflected it back to cover everyone who was close. Even that wasnt good enough. Emily was her own sun. She opened her mouth to speak but Emily silenced her with her lips again and while she loved kissing her she also wanted to tell her how much. She pressed her hands Emily's stomach and pulled away.

"I lov..." she sighed when Emily pressed into her again and cut her off, smiling proudly against her lips and making her groan. She brought her hands up to cup Emily's cheeks and pulled away again "Em, I..." again her words were cut of by Emily kissing her so she tried a new tactic. She kissed her back, tracing her tongue across her lower lip as Emily's parted and drowning in her mouth when she was granted access. She could feel the fight fade from Emily's body as she melted more into her arms but she didn't stop. She didn't want to, not yet. Rolling her tongue over the roof of Emily's mouth she felt her sigh. She broke away slowly when Emily's hands clutched at her neck for support, planting a soft kiss at the corner of her mouth...then her jaw. Emily's breath was ragged against her cheek as she reach her ear, kissing lightly over the tender skin she found there.

"I love you, Em." She smiled against her neck when she heard her breath hitch and felt Emily's arms tighten around her neck holding her close and breathing her in.

She brought her hand up and bunched it into Emily's hair, just enjoying the warmth pressed against her when something hit her hard in the back and made her stumble forward, nearly knocking them both to the ground. With help from Emily they regained their footing without falling completely and she turned with profanities on her tongue only to be met with deep brown eyes.

"Seriously?" Her mouth fell open and Emily chuckled as she stared at Ember. "Did he just push me?"

"What?" Emily laughed, shaking her head. "No..."

"He pushed me." She accused.

"Paige, no he didn't."

"Fine." She shrugged stubbornly and wrapped her arms around Emily's waist, pulling her close and running her hands up her sides, gripping lightly under her arms. Instantly there was movement behind her and she ducked aside just as Ember swiped at her with his head. "Really, Em?"

"Oh my God, he's trying to push you." Emily laughed.

"It's not funny." She frowned. "I like him, a little less now, but I still like him."

Emily sighed and reached for Ember, running her hands soothingly down his nose. "Maybe he just knows he has some competition. I jumped on the back of your bike instead of on him."

"I'm his competition?" She arched her eyebrows and moved to pet his neck. "Sorry buddy but you don't stand a chance." His skin was twitching slightly but it still calmed under her touch and that said more than being shoved in the back. He may be a little disheveled but at the root he seemed okay...so far. Not that it mattered because there was no way she was going to stop touching Emily just to appease a horse. The apple supply on the train rests precariously in her hands and it wouldn't be hard to forget to restock.

"Can I teach you?" Emily smiled and tilted her head curiously to the side.

She crinkled her brows and shook her head hesitantly when Emily clicked her tongue and brought Ember down. "What? He just pushed me for touching you and you want me to climb on his back with you where, I'm not gonna lie, I'll likely be touching you?"

"Paaaaige..." Emily sighed and rolled her eyes and the way she drug out her name was immensely cute. touching his shoulder Ember stood back to his feet and hung his head lazily. "This is my idea of horsepower. Your bike almost threw me to the ground but you didn't let it."

"My bike didn't almost do anything. It doesn't have a working brain to make choices...that was you."

"At least you can admit that releasing the clutch was the wrong thing for me to do." Emily's smile widened proudly. "You just blamed me."

"I think the bike shooting out and crashing on its side is proof that it was wrong but that's not what I'm saying. If Ember wants my ass off his back releasing his clutch or tapping the brakes isn't going to change his mind."

"His clutch?"

"Yes, clearly I'm grasping at straws... I know this." she admitted freely. "But you know what I mean."

"I do." Emily nodded and stepped closer, pulling her close by the hem of her velvet jacket and placing herself between her and Ember. "You're the one that said he wouldn't hurt me so how can he throw you if you're holding me?"

Ember moved and stepped closer to nudge into her again but this time without looking at him Emily's hand shot out, like a wall against his nose, stopping him firmly in his tracks.

"If he throws me and you get hurt I'll beat his ass so...just know that."

"Well you'd have to beat me to that because I'd be pissed at him too."

"Paige?"

She turned to see Peter and Sydney still standing near the sound booth with Mrs. Brennan while Molly climbed around over the rows of seats. A few employees had begun the clean up process and there were still performers lingering around chatting and moving their props.

We're all going over to Riley's then we're gonna meet up at Charq's late tonight for dinner..."

"We'll meet you guys for dinner?" Emily called out, flipping her words into a question as if she was politely asking for an 'ok' which she didn't even need. She smiled when Peter nodded.

Her heart raced suddenly because being with Emily had made her forget everything that had happened that day. She forgot about Cassie and helpless blue eyes and she felt more guilty and sad now than she had before because of how easily she pushed it all aside. Now more than anything she wanted to talk to Emily. She owed Mary and explanation but Emily deserved the same thing. She reached and stroked Ember's nose and then clicked her tongue and brought him to his knees for the first time.

"He can't be too put out by you touching me." Emily raised her eyebrows pointedly.

"Lets just see how he does because I'm not gonna stop touching you." She teased, her eyes flickering to Ember knelt to the ground. "Help me up?"

Emily rolled her eyes and looked around, smiling proudly as she moved to grab a step stool beside the barrier of the center ring and dropped to the ground by Ember's side.

"I was kidding, Em."

"Were you?" She smiled, throwing her leg over Ember's back.

"You know how cliché this is, right?" She smirked. "Riding off into the sunset on a wild stallion..."

Emily chuckled and shook her head. "He's not wild."

"He pushed me." She pointed out. "He's feral."

"Well..." Emily smiled. "The sun isn't setting so your clichéd scenario is invalid."

She sighed and grabbed the stool, tossing it aside and taking a deep breath before swinging her leg over behind Emily. The only thing she could focus on was how much she had missed Emily sitting in front of her like this. Ember was at least an animal with eyes of his own so their chances of running into a fence where unlikely as long as he didn't decide to throw them off into one. That was still a possibility. Emily clicked her tongue and her heart jumped sending her hands to Emily's waist to keep from falling. She'd trained horses before and there were several in the stables that she'd taken riding but bareback was a different experience. She'd gone riding that way plenty of times but holding on to the horse's mane was more sound than holding on to someone else. If she slipped she could easily pull Emily down with her and no amount of gripping at Ember's mane would be strong enough to counter the weight of her body pulling them both to ground. At the moment Emily wasn't even holding his mane at all.

He stood steady as Emily reached back for her hands and hugged them tighter around her stomach. Quickly she tightened her grip on Emily's body and rested her chin on her shoulder. If being on the bike holding Emily like this had felt good then this was incredible and with the coral of her dress exposing her thigh it felt like the most intimate thing they had done. The soft pink feathers glowed against her caramel skin and as the scent of Emily's skin reached her lungs she pressed her lips into the crook of her neck, breathing her in. Emily's hips rocked back into her and made her gasp against her neck as Ember's body was pushed into movement, her fingers now tightly wound in his mane. She clung tight to Emily's waist as she kicked Ember into a trot through the side of tent.

The sun was hot and still high in the blue clouded sky. Due to summer hours Emily was right about the sunset being dismissable. The improv had started at three so it was easily pushing five which left a good four hours of light in the sky. Emily seemed eager to immerse herself into the fields she loved. Breaths left her lungs in short waves as she tugged Ember's mane towards the fields behind the stables and kicked harder into his side, forcing him into a sprint as he huffed and pushed himself harder through the tall gold waves. She never thought Emily could get more beautiful but every second spent with her continued to over-shadow the one before. Watching Emily ride in the show was nothing compared to holding her now. She was so close and able to fully appreciate the beauty in the movements of her hips against Ember and now she could feel those movements against her own body. She could feel the rocking of Emily's hips beneath her fingers as she held onto her waist and she would die happy if she could just stay in this moment. The quick breaths leaving her lungs and soft tickle of Emily's hair blowing back against her neck. Seeing Emily so at peace should have made her feel the same way and to an extent it did but at the same time it spiked her blood into a panic. Anxiety at knowing she had a lot to explain and Emily deserved that explanation. She didn't want to keep anything from her and if she was going to be better for Emily and the people around her then she needed to be better for herself. The first step in that process had been standing up to Cassie and the thought of never seeing her again gave her such relief that everything else seemed possible. Like she could breathe now knowing that she was taking important steps in the right direction...steps towards Emily. She let the sea of gold blur into the blue sky around her and set her eyes on the coral feathers against Emily's thigh. The color was beautiful on her and she had only hoped of seeing it again. Her eyes closed and she focused on only on the warm, feeling the heat that seeped through the lace covered satin on Emily's sides. Her chin rested on her shoulder and the only amount of fabric there was a hair-thin pink strap that had her pulse racing faster.

She pressed her lips to Emily's neck and her heart jumped when she tugged on Ember's mane and slowed him to a stop. Looking around she noticed they were miles out and she couldn't believe how lost she had been to her thoughts and to Emily in her arms. She swallowed hard and slid down quickly from Ember's back before she had even commanded him down, reaching to grab her Emily's and helping her to the ground. Her throat tightened all of the sudden, her mind trying to slow down with the stillness around them but failing. She knew what was coming and she knew she had to be the one to start it. She just wasn't sure how.

Sighing she dropped her hands from Emily's sides and dropped down in to the tall gold field, her nerves making her reach automatically for a strand of barley. She pulled it from the ground and smoothed it between her fingers as Emily lowered herself beside her.

"Emily, you were amazing." She smiled, peeking over at her to see the blush spread across her cheeks. Emily was so proud and still humble like she hadn't just overcome so much in the last week and done something worthy of acknowledgment. "I mean I'm not surprised because you're always amazing but I don't even have words for..." she shook her head as she cut herself off. Nothing could accurately describe Emily and do her justice. "Breathtaking." She sighed and dropped the barley strand to the ground. "I'm sorry for not telling you everything about Cassie. I should have trusted you with that but I just didn't want her touching you in any way."

"I ran into her." Emily admitted. She shifted to look at her and her heart broke when she saw the sheepish look on Emily's face. It was heart breaking because it didn't belong there and it only made her more angry at herself for making Emily feel like she had to hide that. "I can't say that I wasn't surprised to find out who she was and I didn't even realize it at the time but I figured it out pretty quickly... with a little help."

"Mary..." She sighed knowingly. It should have made sense earlier when Mary had hinted at Emily needing to know the truth and maybe it had but she just chose not to connect the pieces. Mary had done the right thing and had been honest with Emily. She was right with what she had said. Emily should have heard it from her.

"Not entirely." Emily shook her head. "She didn't really have to tell me...it wasnt too hard to figure out. I was talking to Cassie and she walked away pretty fast when Mary showed up. I actually asked her not to tell you because I wanted you to do it on your own when you're ready."

"That's my fault, Em." She frowned down at her hands and plucked at the gold strands again. "I should have told you so at least you knew what to expect. That wasn't fair of me to leave you in the dark. You shouldn't have had to make the decision between telling me or to waiting for me to tell you. I just made it harder for you."

"Everything that means anything is hard sometimes and its sad that it took me seven years to figure that out but I did. I figured it out but you can't protect me from everything. I'm not gonna go running back to the life I didn't even have. I'm not gonna break, Paige. "

"Peter said the same thing." She shook her head and dropped the grass again, clenching her fists to fight the anger. "The thought of Cassie being anywhere near you is sickening to me to be honest."

"This may be none of my business, and maybe that's why you didn't tell me, but I respect that choice, Paige. I made that decision on my own. I was willing to accept your reasons for not telling me and I didn't plan on pushing you. I still don't."

"It is your business, Em." She corrected. "You shouldnt have had to find out the way you did. That's not fair and I want you to tell me that it's not.' her eyes were pleading now. "Please be angry with me because if you're not then I'm gonna think its okay to keep things from you and that's not right."

"I'm not angry with you so don't ask me to be. I should have been honest with you too about me running into her but I wasnt." Emily sighed, meeting her eyes and holding them. "There seems to be a habit of everyone trying to protect everyone else. You try to protect Mary, she tries to protect you, you try to protect me and its all just a big noble cycle of being the protective hero." She shook her head lightly and reached for her own strand of grass. "It's not a bad thing but opening up and trusting is better.. I think I'm learning that more every day but its sinking in now because I can see how much you and Mary are hurting each other."

The name brought another wall of guilt and anger crashing into her stomach and made her throat tighten, threatening to close off her airway all together. She couldn't keep Emily in the dark the way she had with Mary. Look at what it had done to them. How it made things worse for everyone involved. Thinking about opening up to Emily completely made her pulse quicken but it was right. It didn't make it any easier.

"Cassie was so much stronger than me. At that point she seemed like everything I wasn't and everything I wanted to be. She was charming and out-going and for the most part everyone wanted to be around her. I didn't realize until later that it was because her manipulation was just _that_ good." She crinkled her eyebrows down at her hands and she could feel Emily watching her patiently. "I looked up to her more than I should have but that was my fault, my own insecurities and she just knew how to use those. I know I didn't do everything wrong but I also know I didn't make the right choices any more than she did. I gave her that power because I wanted something that wasnt there and I pushed to be happy with her long after I should have walked away. I could blame her all day but honestly what good does that do anyone now? I'm better for everything that's happened to me. It's just not easy to talk about in friendly everyday conversation." She looked over at Emily and could see the air visibly catch in her throat and her jaw clench as she struggled with questions.

"I love Mary so much for hitting her and she's so strong for being able to stop after just one." Emily sighed. "I wanted to but I didn't want you to blame yourself and I knew you would."

"I would have." She agreed.

"I know." Emily's eyebrows furrowed. "I want to know what happened but I at the same time I don't because it'll only make me want to track her down more than I already do."

"Knowing isn't gonna change any of it. She doesn't hurt me anymore, Emily. What hurts is the way she targets the people I love."

"Well, I kind of threatened her after you walked out so she'd have more than just Mary to worry about if she shows up again. I wanted to tell her off the first time before I even knew who she was because something about her just...rubbed me the wrong way." Again Emily caught her eyes with a sheepish smile and she couldn't feel angry at seeing it because it was proud too. A smile tugged at her own lips and all she could see was Emily riding confident and strong through fire. How Emily in this moment wasn't even a whisper of the Emily back in Rosewood last week.

"What happened?" She asked. "Before you knew who she was?"

"I was outside with Ember and she said her parents had horses. She said she grew up with them so I let her see him because I was trying to be a good entertainer." Emily smiled.

She scoffed in disgust and shook her head. "Her parents don't have horses."

"What?"

"Her mom lived in a trailer park across town and Cassie can't stand her. She worked three good jobs and that wasnt good enough to provide all of the things she wanted growing up. Cassie has that entitled mentality and she basically moved out when she was fifteen so she lied to you right off the bat. Nothing changes with her."

"Bitch." Emily sighed, rolling a piece of grass between her fingers.

"Tell me about it." She smiled and shook her head, a large part of her loving the profanity that rolled off Emily's tongue. "Cassie touched Ember and yet he pushes me." Her eyes flickered over to him grazing lazily nearby, scolding him while he paid no notice.

"Uh uh." Emily shook her head firmly. "No his skin was crawling when she touched him and he likes it when you do. The apples help." She smiled surely. "He likes it a lot when Mary touches him though so you may have competition there."

"Damnit I can't compete with Mary." She chuckled. "For obvious reasons he's smart to like her better."

"Death by suffocation is definitely on his bucket list."

She chuckled again and sighed. "So what did Cassie do that rubbed you the wrong way?"

"She gave me a cheesy pickup line with her girlfriend, or girlfriends, standing a few feet away." Emily chuckled and shook her head in disbelief. "Mary assumed the latter and I think that's a safe assumption to make. They all seemed a little friendly with each other."

She should have felt angry that Cassie had bothered Emily with her bullshit and part of her did but it was over with and all that mattered was that Emily was smiling. "what pick up line?"

Emily rolled her eyes and pout appeared on her lips. "Something about wanting to visit Pennsylvania because she heard the girls were beautiful."

"Well that's true for one girl in particular." she smiled. "What did you say?"

"I told her I was seeing someone." Emily's smile widened but she tried to hide it by biting her lower lip as she toyed with the grass in her hand. "She said it never stopped her and her girlfriend and I pitied her for not having someone like I do."

Her cheeks flushed as she dropped her eyes back to the ground. She could clearly hear the strength that was in Emily's voice as she told Cassie off because it was in her voice now. "So...you're seeing someone?" She smiled, glancing over at Emily.

"Yes." She nodded. Emily didn't say anything else she just smiled stubbornly.

"Tell me about this someone." She pressed. "Because I doubt she's good enough for you."

"No, I'm lucky to have her actually." Emily corrected. "She doesn't think she saved me but she did in a lot of ways and the fact that she's humble about it is really special. Plus...she looks really good in red velvet and you just can't top that."

"Velvet?" She scoffed and shook her head. "I hate her already."

"I don't." Emily laughed and raised her eyebrows. "I love her and if the red velvet ever disappears I'll blame you and go 'Hanna' on your ass."

"Hanna?"

"Bat shit crazy." Emily looked at her sternly, a soft smile pulling at the corner of her mouth.

"Okay I'll gladly take that but wouldn't it really be between you and the 'someone' that you're seeing? I mean if you're being fair here..."

Emily smiled and shoved her in the shoulder but she froze the second her hand made contact with the velvet of her jacket. She reached for Emily's hand and intertwined their fingers, smiling down at them softly. A few hours ago she thought Emily was slipping away but now she was sitting beside her just as strong as ever. Patiently at her fingertips. She brought Emily's hand to her lips and kissed her knuckles before letting their hands fall to rest on her lap but too quickly Emily pulled hers away. For the first time she didn't question why or worry that she had done something wrong. She just willingly released her hand and found peace in the fact that Emily was sitting close beside her. It didn't matter if they were touching because Emily was here with her because she wanted to be, because she loved her and that's all that mattered. Emily traced her fingers lightly over her palm instead and she found her eyes closing at the soft touch. Everything was heightened somehow. The warm wind blowing across her face and the way her ears picked up only on Emily breathing without even trying.

"I loved you seven years ago and I won't ever stop."

Emily shifted beside her and her eyes opened to see her smile fade. The heat of Emily's hand moved to her cheek followed instantly by the heat of her lips on her mouth as she leaned in. Her body reacted faster than her mind did because she hadn't realized how much she'd missed Emily kissing her in such a short period of time. An hour felt like forever and her hand instantly ran up her bare arm to cup her cheek, marveling at how warm her skin was. Emily's hand moved to clutch at the buttons of jacket, trying to pull her closer as she parted her lips. The hot wind picked up Emily's hair and blew it across face, bringing with it the scent of sugar and also the taste as she traced her tongue softly over her lower lip. She moved hers slowly forward to meet Emily's, eager to taste her again. A sigh of relief brushed across her mouth as their tongues touched and it mirrored everything she felt. How free she felt from Cassie's hold and how untouchable she felt when she was with Emily. Everything seemed brighter when Emily was touching her because it was.

* * *

She'd never felt stronger than she did now. Not when she rode Ember through fire, not when even when she told Paige she loved her.

It was now.

She had pulled her hand away from Paige's and there hadn't been a glimmer of worry as to why she had and that said a lot. She didn't worry about what Paige was thinking because the smile on her face told her everything. Again she was lost in the sun shining over the red in Paige's hair as the specks of glittered dust floated around her, tracing her fingers over the palm of her hand and wrist. She was lost to the miles that separated them from everyone else and the peace in Paige's eyes before they closed. Seven years of not having this and not realizing what she was missing didn't matter anymore because she knew now. Not one part of her wanted to stop staring at Paige or stop touching her. Everything that they had both been through separately only brought them to a place where they could now go through everything together. They could lean into each other when they felt lost and they'd never really be alone. Paige was holding her close and yet giving her room to grow into someone she felt proud to be and she hadn't felt proud of herself a week ago. She did now.

"I loved you seven years ago and I won't ever stop."

She couldn't keep her breath from freezing behind her lips at hearing the soft words leave Paige's mouth. So soft that she could only think about kissing the place they had come from, knowing it would feel soft too. Her hand went to the cream and pink of her cheek as Paige turned to glance at her and she fell instantly to lips. Her heart raced when Paige ran her fingers up her arm to her cheek, spreading warmth and making her shiver against the hot wind brushing across her skin. She clutched lightly at the front of Paige's jacket as their tongues met, seeking the heat of the fabric to protect her from the chill the sun was suddenly failing to fight away. It didn't feel as hot as Paige's hand on her cheek and she was forced to break away from her lips to keep Paige from noticing the shaking in her body, letting their foreheads rest together and the heat there burn into her too. It felt like a battle between hot and cold and she felt both simultaneously. Paige traced her fingers lightly over her jaw and sent another shiver through her body and even then it didn't cool the fever under her skin or stop her fingers from grasping at a gold button on the front of her jacket. The last time she had touched it she had been in Rosewood and somehow even then her thoughts were the same as they were now. The difference was that they were stronger and more grounded. Paige hadn't really been hers then and now she had everything could ever want or need in her. In reality Paige had always been hers because she was meant to end up here with her.

Her eyes fell closed as her fingers rolled over the gold button, unfastening it and pausing for a weak breath. Paige wasn't breathing now and that didn't change when her fingers moved down to the next, faltering before tugging at it gently. Her eyes fluttered open as her fingers grazed over the last button and she brought them up to look at Paige. Her eyes were soft and only watching hers, paying close attention to her expression and not the movement her fingers made against the last gold button. She remembered the list of words she had paired with her feelings when her body had crashed to cold porcelain in Paige's absence. The way she had tried to make sense of her emotions and why she had felt so empty with her gone. There was one she hadn't been able to name and she could do that now.

_*Paige watching for every reaction and tentatively seeking out every feeling: That was the most important one of all. There wasn't a word good enough for that.* : Love_

The love she felt for Paige was good enough for that. It was limitless and she could feel it radiating back to her from Paige's body. It was leaving her lips with each breath, brushing across her face and spreading into the air around them. Her eyes flickered down to the glint of gold around her neck and curiosity had her fingers reaching for the thin chain and pulling it gently from under her white button up shirt. It felt like a strand of silk in her fingers. So delicate and beautiful and Paige watched her quietly as she examined the small cluster of charms hanging from it. The tiny carved clock she remembered but the others she hadn't been able to see until now. One was a tiny light blue glass bead wrapped in thin red wire forming a cage protectively around it and holding it in place. There was a tiny gold charm of a tree and a number '3' and she smiled as her fingers cradled a little carved silver tiger.

"Stella?" She smiled, glancing up at Paige who smiled back.

"Yes." She nodded and grabbed the cluster from her fingers to look at them. "The clock Peter gave me after my parents passed away. It's a play off of a conductor's pocket watch. The blue bead is Marley's and the red wire wrapping around it for Riley's love of fire...and of her."

"The tree?" She asked, reaching to touch the warm metal again.

"It's a Rosewood tree." Paige sighed. "The last unmoving place I lived with my parents."

Her eyes flickered up to Paige's sadly but she didn't look sad so she adjusted her emotions quickly and looked back at the necklace, picking the last charm out of the cluster and holding it gently in her fingers. "What about the number three?"

"It's not a three." Paige smiled and flipped the number over in her fingers and her breath caught because it wasnt a number.

A small cursive "E" that when backwards looked like a "3". The same way she would write hers every time she wrote her name.

Paige moved slowly, her eyes flickering hesitantly to her lips as she leaned in. She held the warm charms in her fingers as Paige pressed a light kiss to the corner of her mouth, reluctant to drop them at first but as Paige's breath brushed across her lower lip she let it fall back to her chest and dropped her hands to clutch once again at the red velvet on her sides. The warm wind kicked up Paige's hair and blew strands across her cheek, her jaw clenching as her throat tightened. She moved her hands beneath the velvet and ran them up, pushing the jacket from her shoulders and down her arms. Her eyes slammed shut at what she was doing but she couldn't stop, she didn't want to stop. She was a breath away from Paige's lips, breathing the air she exhaled and giving it back in return. The shaking in her hands increased as she ran her fingers over the buttons of the white shirt and Paige brought her hand to cover hers and still her movements.

"Emily..." She whispered, drawing in her eyes and holding them.

The sunlight was lower now, shining through the tall gold grass and igniting the air around them. Though the sky had been mostly blue it now turned to coral along the horizon. Flame was Paige's hair as the wind teased at tendrils around her face. Her eyes were patient and questioning but she couldn't form words so she didn't try. Paige's hand was holding hers firm and still and she used that pressure to guide her to the coral feathers in the gauze around her waist, telling Paige where she wanted her hands without the need for words. There were so many times when Paige knew what she needed without her having to say it and this was no different. She released her hand and Paige moved on her own up to the thin pink strap on her shoulder, slipping it down and leaning in to bring the heat of her lips to where it had been, clutching at the fabric under her arm. She sighed and brought her right hand into her auburn hair, holding her close as Paige nipped at her shoulder while her other hand ran down to the grip at the black denim clinging to the crease of Paige's hip.

Paige gasped against her shoulder and broke away, searching and finding her neck and her jaw as she traced a path to her lips. She hesitated again when she reached them, panting against her mouth and running her fingers over zipper on the back of her dress before tugging down. Her hands went quickly to the front of her shirt and her fingers worked their way over the tiny buttons, glancing down and swallowing hard as it fell open to reveal red fabric clinging to her chest. Her eyes landed in the middle on the tiny 'E' hanging from the gold chain and it made her body relax even while her breathing picked up.

"I don't want to push you but..." She swallowed the dryness in her throat and shook her head lightly to clear it, trying to make sense of what she was feeling. It was effortless "I want you."

Welcomed and without warning Paige pulled at the coral fabric and worked it down to her hips before guiding her down to the warm grass, resting on her knees and sliding the dress from her body. She wanted to kiss her but she also didn't want to close her eyes. She couldn't pull them away from the flat of Paige's stomach as she gripped at the unbuttoned white shirt and pushed it from her shoulders and down her arms. If her eyes had been closed she would have missed the awe on Paige's face as her eyes fell to the white satin corset clinging to her chest and the straps Mary had placed around her thighs...and the pale blue lace. She would have missed the breath catching in Paige's lungs as her eyes glided over her body.

She brought her back up slightly from the grass to reach for the belt around Paige's hips and held her brown eyes as she tugged at the leather, gasping as the heat of Paige's hand clutched at the straps on her thigh. She could feel Paige shaking against her skin and her own hand fumbled with the snap of her jeans. The desire to touch every part of her was strong and she could see the same need in Paige's eyes.

Paige brought herself down on top of her and she moaned at the weight of her body as she melted into her mouth, gasping between her lips as Paige pulled her thigh up by a garter strap before moving her hands to tug at the corset around chest. Her auburn curls fell in a floral and spice scented curtain around her face and the heat of her tongue rolled over lips as she released the threading. It felt like oxygen was being allowed to move into her lungs for the first time and now Paige was breathing for her. It had felt like that the first time she kissed her and now she wasn't just breathing life into her mouth.. it was seeping into her body from Paige's fingertips as she ran them slowly trembling down her breast, brushing lightly over her and sending chills across her skin. Paige broke away from her lips to look her, her eyes unable to keep from moving down over her body.

She could see the tension in Paige's jaw as her eyes moved back to meet hers and heat of wind blowing across her skin couldn't keep the shaking away when Paige brought her hand to clutch at lace around her hip. Her eyes slammed shut and she bit hard on her lower lip, feeling Paige's eyes watching her as she toyed lightly with the fabric. Her breath stopped along with her heart. It had been hammering in her ears the whole time but now there was only silence aside from Paige breathing.

Paige shifted the lace down her hips along with the thin nylon, guiding them off her legs before she settled down on top of her and pulled her thigh up around her waist. Her fingertips ran slowly across her skin burning into her to the crease of hip. Her eyes shot open to see Paige looking down softly over body, her deep brown eyes darkening as her fingers ran into the moisture between her legs. Nothing could keep her eyes away from where Paige was touching her or keep the soft moan from escaping her lips. Nothing felt real anymore and at the same time it had never felt more right. Her whole body wound tightly and aching like the onslaught of a fever had closed down around her. The brown eyes that met hers only mirrored the trust and longing she felt. All doubts she had ever had couldn't touch this place. None of them existed anymore and they didn't fight to find their way back. She felt lost to everything and yet she knew exactly where she was and where she belonged and she'd never felt more safe or more wanted in her life.

Paige's fingers lightly explored her and stopped short over the bundle of nerves between her thighs, hesitating before rolling her thumb over her flesh and bringing her back arching off the soft grass as she gasped. Her hands moved clutch at the back over her neck and pull her down to her lips. She wanted to speak, to tell Paige how much she wanted her but she already seemed to know that as she circled over her again, sighing into her mouth as her hips jerked up involuntarily to meet her hand. She moaned again and this time Paige gasped between her lips, tracing her tongue over the roof of her mouth and pressing into her pulse in steady circles. She could feel the movements become smoother as her body watered under her touch and Paige dipped down into her core pulling the air gently from her lungs as she exhaled with the extraction of fingers. Her head spun and her skin began to tingle, reflex making her reach to still Paige's hand against her body as she tensed.

Paige watched her curiously then her eyes slammed shut when she reached to tug at zipper of her jeans. She wanted to touch her too, to make Paige feel the same way she was and she was grateful when Paige allowed her to slip the denim from her hips. Even more so when Paige helped with the process by kicking off her boots too and working the fabric from her legs before sitting back on her knees. Her eyes glided shamelessly over the red clinging to her chest, her long auburn waves twisting into curls and falling over her shoulders. Soaking in how beautiful she was could be done instantly while at the same time she could spend a lifetime drinking her in and never get used to the way Paige made her heart beat without even having to touch her. She was beyond flawless. The pink on her cheeks and shallow breaths leaving her lips. She could stare at her forever and never tire, never see everything that she was.

Paige's body was still, her eyes watching her...

Her eyebrows furrowed when she saw that Paige was shaking just as much as she was and she knew it had nothing to do with the temperature. The heat of the sun, even in the shade of the tall gold barley, brought a glisten to the surface of her skin and the same shimmer to the cream of Paige's stomach. Her breath caught all over again when her eyes finally fell down to the bare skin between Paige's legs though it was the exposed skin of her hip that was calling her. Her body felt weak every time thermal shirts failed to cover the patch of smooth skin and now her throat tightened at seeing it there for her. She pulled herself quickly up to her knees, mirroring Paige, her hands moving up the length of her sides while her lips pressed into her hip. The scent she found on her hip was warm and untainted by perfume. Slowly she moved, planting soft kisses up her stomach. She reached her fingers to slide a red strap down Paige's shoulder as she lowered her lips to her collar-bone over her heart. They trembled against her skin and that only increased when Paige brought her hands lightly into her hair and hugged her close, surrounding her with orange and musk. She choked on the air as Paige's fingertips combed lightly down her back and she couldn't hide it. Her eyes burned and instantly Paige knew, bringing her hands up to cup her cheeks as a tear betrayed her.

"Em..." Her voice was soft but kept her eyes squeezed shut as she struggled to control the emotions racing through her body, how happy she was and how much she loved her. How it didn't seem possible to love someone so much so fast and how she regretted missing out on years with her. "Emily."

The fact that there weren't questions in Paige's voice pulled her eyes open slowly to meet the warm chocolate staring at her. There wasn't worry in Paige's eyes, just patience and understanding. It was Paige trusting her too and knowing her completely. Every piece of her. Paige wasn't doubting her reaction or questioning the tear. She mimicked every feeling effortlessly because they were hers too.

She shook her head lightly, clearing the fog that was creeping in and trying to distract her from the girl that was in her arms now. Paige was here, waiting quietly as her fingers found movement again and pulled the red fabric gently from her chest. Their articles of clothing were forgotten to the field as their eyes fell only to skin, hands tracing lightly down arms and over stomachs. Her mouth watered as she pressed her lips to Paige's throat, pressing her down to the soft grass and falling over her, her hair splayed across her chest as she worked her way down. The scent clinging to her skin was intoxicating and made her head spin and the blood race through her veins. She felt weak. Planting light kisses over her breast her tongue rolled lightly over her nipple and the moan that left Paige's throat spiked her blood all over again and fed her strength. Her fingers ran slowly up Paige's side to her other breast, brushing her thumb over her other nipple while biting softly at her flesh. The whimper that left her own lips had Paige twisting her fingers deeper into her hair. She brought her mouth back to Paige's lips and nipped lightly, dragging her fingers down the damp skin on her stomach and teasing across the crease of her hip.

Paige pushed her hips up, rolling her over to the grass beside her and shifting on her side to face her. This felt right, both if them mirroring each other and on equal ground and both of them wanting the same thing. She let her head fall to Paige's outstretched arm, resting into the inside crease of her elbow while Paige bent her hand back to rake her fingers through her hair around her ear, bringing her lips down to drink her in. Fingers ran down her breast and made her gasp into their kiss as she forced movement back into her own hand, tracing it down Paige's stomach and sighing when her fingertips met the moisture between her thighs for the first time. They glided easily through slick heat ripping a moan from Paige's throat as she explored her, desperate to memorize every curve of her body and difference in temperature. She moved to seek out the warmer places, pressing slowly into her to coat her fingers only to pull out and spread heat across her flesh. Just touching Paige like this started a quickening pulse between her own legs but it was amplified when Paige her touched back, first gripping at her thigh and pulling her knee up over her waist and then moving to pick up the circles she had made earlier with her fingertips. Her throat felt dry though her mouth watered tasting Paige's tongue against hers, a slight quiver forming on their lips as they broke away and moved her eyes down the length of Paige's body. Her jaw clenched has her skin began tingle again but it was lost quickly to the panting of Paige's lungs.

"Em..."

Her focus snapped to the movements of her fingers against Paige's body and the way she began trembling more with each stroke. Pressing her thumb firmly into small circles she was surprised when a sharp gasp escaped her own throat, the reality of making love to Paige taking her breath away and she didn't need it anyways. Paige brought her fingers up into her hair and pulled her deeply into her lips as she rocked gently into her hand. She wanted Paige to feel loved...to know that she was. She whispered the words against her lips before biting softly. She could feel her eyes begin to burn at the peace on Paige's face at hearing it, the same peace she felt from the moment she took her hand and stepped on to the train beside her in Rosewood. Her eyes furrowed shut and she drew in a sharp breath as she felt heat coat her fingertips, moving to nip across Paige's chin and jaw but only longing to drown in her mouth again. She couldn't keep herself away.

A trembling formed in Paige's thighs that shook through her whole body in waves and she locked on to her brown eyes. Watching her reaction as she moved her fingers into Paige's body she bit her lower lip at the need she saw swirling through her eyes as they melted more. A slight crinkle formed between Paige's eyebrows and the rocking of her hips faltered against her hand as they jerked up to meet her fingers eagerly. They were hugged tightly as Paige shuddered, her walls contracting around her while she moaned softly into her mouth. She slowed the movements of her hand to match the rolling of Paige's hips, bringing her down gently as she whimpered. She couldn't keep herself from smiling against her lips as she kissed her, amazed by the beauty in the arch of her back and the feeling of Paige pulsating around her fingers, how she could feel her skin fluttering under her touch and quiver of her tongue. The scent of her body and the moisture on her fingers made her mouth water. Paige was always so strong and the vulnerability in her movements now, her shoulders caving weakly in her arms...was breathtaking.

She broke away from her lips to see Paige's eyes darken and her strength return as she shifted herself on top of her, auburn curls once again falling over her face and drowning her in the scent she loved. They say your life flashes before your eyes when you die and maybe that's what this was. Her body leaving the earth in the most beautiful way. She could feel lips working down over her breast but all she could see was the girl sitting on the curb outside of the bar smiling at her, the girl under the spotlight and walking through the darkness around the stables with one hand hovering protectively in the air behind her back. She could feel the heat of her tongue across her stomach but saw Paige sleeping statuesque on red carpet and the wind kicking up her hair as she jumped from the slowing train, the thermal shirts pushed up off her hip exposing the cream of her skin and really igniting the truth of how much she wanted her. She reached for her, losing her fingers into auburn waves as Paige moved to the crease of her thigh and she saw her laying on the couch in the commons with moonlight creeping through the small window and glowing across her skin. She felt her hand reach for her in the dark and realized Paige was reaching her hand now as she brought her tongue down to the heat of her body, pulling her back arching up from the soft grass as she kissed her as tentatively as she had in car 12.

She really saw her then, settled between her thighs, and felt everything she had felt in the moment of their first kiss all over again. The trust and honesty behind the movements of the tongue that now glided across her flesh, love pouring from her lips into her body. Her vision moved back to Paige gasping into her mouth and rolling her hips as her body found release under her touch and just the memory of it brought a tight pressure to the pit of her stomach. Paige flicked her tongue before forming a closed seal over the ache between her legs. The moisture of Paige's mouth mixed with the arousal of her body and she couldn't breathe let alone focus on any one feeling. There were too many. She felt dizzy and her free hand reached out to clutch at the grass beside her, trying to fight the spinning and needing proof that she was on solid ground when it felt anything but. Her skin suddenly felt too hot and her body tensed as fingers entered her, moving tenderly in sync with the strokes of her tongue. Even in the shade it was too warm. She couldn't feel the breeze anymore, only the damp heat across her stomach as it hit air just as hot. The pressure moved from her stomach, localizing and unravelling beneath Paige's lips in an exhale of her whole body, sparks setting fire to the blood in her veins and pulling her to clutch tighter to Paige's hand.

Her eyes fell closed and air was shaking its way through her lungs in short takes but Paige's hand never left hers as she moved up her body, planting kisses as she went and stopping to nip at her shoulder. She could feel her body shaking and as she opened her eyes to look at Paige her body relaxed. Auburn hair was hiding her face so she reached her fingers to brush it behind her ear and when she did her eyes watered as they fell to the shiny streak down her cheek. Her fingers wiped over the moisture automatically before clutching at her cheek and pulling her up to her mouth. Paige hesitated above her lips so she lifted her head from the grass to close the gap but Paige pulled back more to look at her, smiling softly as she brought her hand up to comb through her hair.

The sun had dropped low and the sky was pink, glowing across the cream of Paige's face as the warm breeze teased at strands of her hair and swirled glittered fibers in the air. They looked like embers shooting out from a blazing fire. If the field had looked gold before it didn't now. Gold was an understatment as it sparkled amber, so on fire it was nearly red and even while the air was hot she shivered now as the wind finally touched her damp skin again because her body felt so much hotter.

Paige crinkled her eyebrows and looked over at the grass, reaching her hand to grab her jacket and pulling it to cover her chest like blanket. She had forgotten how soft it was and how warm but she lost some respect and admiration for it the second it touched her. The red velvet was only used to hide softer and warmer things like Paige's skin and she didn't want a barrier between them so she moved it aside and pulled Paige to her lips instead. There was something intense and beautiful about tasting herself on her tongue. Maybe that's why Paige had hesitated the first time but she didn't care. It was powerful and raw and only made her want the kiss more, like a challenge to search and separate the taste of Paige from the taste of herself, trying to find the place where they divided into two different flavors but coming up empty. They were the same.

This time it was Paige that trembled lightly against her body as she broke away from her lips. She reached for the jacket and pulled it up over Paige's back while pulling Paige down to her shoulder and holding her close. Her breath was soft against her neck and she didn't feel close enough to her at all so she shifted on to her side in need of something more, burying her face in under Paige's chin and planting a soft kiss against her neck. Her fingers moved to cradle the cluster of charms hanging from her thin gold chain and her eyes closed without her telling them to while she became lost to the warm hand running across her side. Paige pressed her lips into her hair and traced over her skin with her fingertips, exploring her softly even as her breathing became shallow.

She wasn't risking anything to be with her because Paige was everything and at the same time she finally felt strong as just herself. She felt empowered riding Ember through fire and she felt encouraged and loved by the people around her that put so much into helping her when they didn't have to. There was nothing stopping them from having a future they both wanted and nothing standing in their way. Just possibilities of perfection and no reason to look back. There wasn't anything to look back to or miss because nothing mattered before Paige. Her life was finally starting and that knowledge relaxed every muscle leaving her body floating above the warm grass. She smiled against her chest and brushed her thumb over the tiny "E" between her fingers. All she would ever need now lay sleeping in her arms.

* * *

_"Mar, slow down." He pleaded softly, reaching his hand over the middle console to touch my leg again._

_Even the heat of his fingers aren't enough to fight away the chill spreading under my skin. On the surface I'm burning up and I know this but I can't feel it either way. The only thing I can feel is pressure of the pedal beneath my boot and the knob under my hand as I slam it forward and shift into a higher gear._

_"Mar..."_

_I've ignored him for ten minutes but he's persistent and I guess I don't blame him. He loves his car but I know seventy miles an hour is nothing in a sixty-five, he's just being cautious. More like trying to make me be more cautious. The road is deserted and usually is on this side of town. It's not really even town anymore anyways. Houses on the right and flaming gold fields on the left. They seem exceptionally bright right now but its blurring into a fiery watercolor out my window. I press my boot into the pedal a little more._

_"Slow down, Babe." His words are soft and his fingers grip my thigh almost protectively yet at the same time trying to pull me out of my head. "This isn't going to help anything."_

_"Yeah?" I snap sarcastically. "I don't know, just the idea makes me feel so much better."_

_"As much as I love the idea of watching you go Dark Angel on her ass I think there's a better way."_

_"God Riley, seriously? Did you not hear the same shit that I did?"_

_"Yes Mar, but finding her isn't going to change anything." He shakes his head._

_"Oh I know that." I nod, clenching my hands tighter against the steering wheel, trying to feel the pain I know should be there but it just isn't surfacing. "I know but I'm not trying to change it. This is for Paige and me. And first of all, I'm thankful to you for letting me hit her but I'm also fucking pissed at you for holding me back. I don't need you or Paige treating me like I'm the one that did something wrong."_

_Riley scoffed bitterly under his breath. "I know but aren't I allow to be fucking pissed about your hand being busted up... considering...?"_

_I swallow the dryness in my throat as my eyes flicker to the red and purple spreading heavily under my knuckles. Seeing it only makes me clench my hand tighter so that I can feel it but it's just not setting in. The white clouds in the sky suddenly don't look white anymore as my vision shifts. I can feel my blood pressure rising as I try to breathe. Riley sighed when I failed to respond and I honestly couldn't if I tried. How I've spent so many years lying to myself and trying to fool him is beyond me and I'm blown away that he's tolerated it. Where we stand with each other is entirely my fault. I force us to have this distance and he knows why. He knows me and he's the only one that does. It took Cassie to make me see it. It doesn't mean I know how to change any of it and now that the trigger is found in the bruising of my hand it just forces me back to place I don't ever want to be again. A place Paige should have never been._

_"I'm not gonna lie..." Riley started. "..this plan to kick her ass is a big fantasy of mine, even better if you put leather on, but you could also just pull the car over and take it out on me if it's what you need to do. At least then I know you won't end up with assault charges and an orange jumpsuit."_

_"And there's the irony of the situation." I smirk, shaking my head in disbelief. "I'd be the one doing something wrong by taking her out, right?"_

_"Come on, Marley." He whispers, tracing his fingers soothing over my thigh again. I can't feel it. I can only see the blurry movement of his hand out of the corner of my eye and that lack of feeling at his touch only makes me even more angry at myself. "Honestly orange isn't your best color and I'd prefer to be your only bitch."_

_My eyes dart out Riley's window as a trailer park comes into view, the one I'm planning on paying a visit to. Instead I crank the wheel towards my side. Riley groans and his hand moves to brace himself against dashboard as I slammed into the breaks, letting the tires squeal against the pavement at an old gas pump. I don't wait to hear his protests or arguments about not handling his car gently so I rip the keys out of the ignition, grab my bag and throw open the door. Instantly I'm blasted with the dry heat at least I assume I am because my hair is kicked hard off my shoulders. I can't really feel the temperature over the heat of my own body. It feels too hot. The sky that should be clouded and bright white has an unearthly red tint to it and speckles of color keep moving in and out of focus looking like pieces of floating glitter. That could just be my temper too. I feel dizzy and I'm surprised by that, feeling working its way back into my body and pushing my heart to beat faster from standing on solid ground again. Being outside in an open space isn't room enough for me to breathe and clench my fist as I slam the car door shut and move my body towards the gas station entrance. It should hurt. Swollen and bruising...I should feel it. I squeeze it harder hoping the pain will appear and keep me grounded and make me feel like I am in fact still breathing. Not that I care at the moment but I'm trying for Riley. That's the reason I've stopped here. To get a drink and try to just let my mind numb to what I really wanted to be doing instead. To fight the urge that I know was wrong but can't seem to keep away._

_"Mar, the tanks half full. We don't even need the car after tomorrow night." Riley called after me and made me turn back to him halfway to the door. "Do we?"_

_My throat tightened and this time I feel my eyes sting and also the searing in my hand. This fucking bullshit called a nervous system keeps trying to rip me apart when I haven't ask for its help. I can do it all on my own and if not me then someone else would do it for me. I need to stop lying to myself because I know that someone would probably never be Riley and I'm trying to move past that but the past keeps kicking me in the stomach and forcing me back. I know I'm the one hurting him. I stopped the car to try to keep myself from hurting anyone else even if its justifiable in this case._

_"Can you just fill it up?" My voice cracked and honestly I'm not surprised, sadly neither is he. "Please?"_

_He nods lightly and flips the gas tank open and now my body is having trouble finding the movement I need to stop watching him. I can still feel the heat of his hand around my waist and my arm as he held me back from Cassie and the way he knew when it was the right time to let me go. A group of girls walking by giggling among themselves is all I need to pull my eyes away from him and push me back to the smirk on Cassie's face. She can lay into me all day because I can take it. She can't say anything to me that I don't already expect even if its false. Shock value is lost on me because I myself have mastered that technique. It's my own fault for not caring what people think about me or maybe it's a blessing. I stopped caring about trivial things like that a long time ago and nothing she says ever counted for anything to me anyways. it's just shit flying out of her ugly mouth. When I'm done listening then I'm done and Cassie learned what happens when I reach that point though it wasn't nearly enough to satisfy me. She can try to hurt me all she wants and I can be counted on to return the favor tenfold but I draw the line at the people I love._

_Two teenage boys standing nearby wolf whistle in my direction and I need to move before I start beating on minors or worse...give Riley a reason to take out some of his pent-up anger. I turn quickly and rip open the store door, signaling the bell and trying my best to feel the cold air inside. I can actually feel it work its way around my body but it's not enough so I move to the drink coolers and pull open a door. Instantly I'm thankful that we left the grounds before changing back into jeans because the cold air seeping through the thin black nylon on my legs is a welcome relief. I exhale as it works across my chest and brushes strands of hair from my neck. A deep breath helps to slow the hammering in my head that's trying to accelerate the blood moving through my body, anxiety trying to fight its way in and so close to winning. Bracing my hand against the cold glass door I let my forehead rest there and close my eyes to force a deep breath but the air feels like shards of glass in my throat and unsteadiness caused by using the hinge door for support makes my stomach churn. It's all wrong. The pictures in my head shouldnt be as wrong as they are. All I see is Paige being hurt by someone that was supposed to love her and I remember a time when that was..._

_"Excuse me, ma'am."_

_My eyes snap open and I gasp on the cold air as a teenage boy waits patiently to reach for a drink. Quickly I step aside and hold the door for him and I can't help but smile at his manners for his age. He's maybe fifteen and at the age where attitudes have usually long since set in. This is just knowledge I've gained from working with children and punk teenagers always around. He smiles at me softly with twinkling blue eyes and picks out a grape soda._

_"Thank you." He smiles, turning away towards the check out counter._

_I sigh and shake my head lightly as realization strikes, looking down somehow I had forgotten for a moment exactly what I was wearing and how that must look to a teenage male. That age when cooties have long since disappeared and crushes on the young English teacher and friend's moms are screwing with raging hormones. Now I feel bad for being the crazy lady having an anxiety attack in front of the drinks and not only that...but the drinks missing the alcohol. I'm the girl wearing next to nothing and seemingly panicking over Coke or Pepsi products._

_Grabbing a cherry coke I release the door to let it slam shut but a hand shoots out to grab it and another goes to the small of my back._

_"You okay, Mar?" Riley whispers, not really looking at me as he picks out a energy drink from the cooler._

_I'm thankful that he doesn't look at me directly because I know I feel like I'm falling apart which means I probably look like I am also. I don't want him to see that and he knows that I don't want him to. He knows why so he asks carefully and the feelings that gesture stirs within me are so hard to control because history for me makes them terrifying when they should make me feel safe._

_"Yes." I nod and tap the cap of my soda lightly against my palm. "Yeah I'm fine."_

_He looks at me then and I turn towards the counter, grabbing a pack of Red Vines on the way before he can study me too much. Riley isn't stupid. He's anything but which is why I feel the need to hide myself. He can see me. The boy is slipping through the door as I slid my bottle across the counter but not before he smiles sweetly as I feel Riley's hand on my waist._

_"You have a boyfriend you're not telling me about?"_

_"Hmmm he's cute." I tease, handing the old man behind the counter a twenty and making my eyes ignore the candy-cane striped plastic card. "Blue eyes are better than your green so already he has something on you."_

_"Damnit yes. I agree with the blue eyes, at least when it comes to yours." Riley frowns. "Now I'm gonna face criminal charges for defending myself against a minor when he beats my ass fighting for you."_

_"Little Handsome out there will take you out before you even have a chance to defend yourself."_

_I smile and take my change, dropping it back into my bag as I turn towards the door with my things and somehow Riley's light banter has made the hot air outside actually noticeable against my skin again. I pause just outside to really appreciate the feeling for a moment and Riley is right behind me through the door as I step down from the curb and walk back over to the car. He had pulled out into the vacant parking lot after filling up the tank. My eyes flicker over to the trailer park on the other side of the street and I know if I climb back into the car that that's where I'll be heading...so I don't. Instead I trying to soak up the hot air as I slide on to the hood and force another deep breath before pulling a cherry vine from the package to chew on. I can feel him watching me cautiously. No doubt wondering how I'm still sitting here and not storming across the street to get information on where to find Cassie. I can't even answer that question for myself let alone him. There's nothing in me that wants to be sitting here when I could be moving. In this second maybe I'm enjoying the flavor I can actually taste and the sun that I'm beginning to feel again, then I look at him and remember that he's angry too. He's just being strong for me and I'm so sick of making him feel like he has to do that. So sick of not having it in me to put him first and really give him everything. I guess I just answered my own question. I'm still sitting here for Riley and for the hurt he's trying to hide at seeing my hand bruised and swollen._

_"Hey, Dipshit!"_

_Riley and I turn our heads at the same time towards the voice somewhere behind us, my eyes falling on the two teenage boys at the end of the parking lot. Instantly I follow their gaze to the blue-eyed boy sitting on the curb and I freeze with the red vine between my teeth. His head is down and his shoulders hunched as if he's trying to will himself to disappear. He doesn't want their attention._

_"We're talking to you, douche bag."_

_I'm off the hood before Riley but just barely, moving in their direction at a determined pace. My temper is spiking again and instantly I forget my reasons for staying calm. All I see is Cassie and my reasons for wanting to track her down but more importantly I see a boy whose out numbered and he looks alone the way Paige probably did when Cassie hurt her and way I was when.._

_"Hey!" Riley shouts angrily beside me. It makes me falter slightly in my step, ready to turn to him questioningly but he's not looking at me. He's not looking at the two boys either. His angry eyes are directed at the shocked kid sitting on the curb and it only takes me a second to react accordingly and put a light smile on my face, letting myself fall a few steps behind him and giving him the lead he wants. One quick glance over to the older boys tells me they're watching intently, just as surprised and confused as the one under Riley's scrutiny. I feel bad when the boy pulls himself to his feet and takes a step back from Riley's intimidating approach, nearly stumbling over the curb as Riley points his finger at him directly. He's maybe half the size of Riley where muscle is concerned and he knows it._

_"Yes sir?" He stammers uncomfortably and I feel worse because even in his fear and confusion he's polite. Its takes everything to keep the saunter in my step and the smirk on my lips. Years of playing a role makes this easy not that I'm proud of it._

_"Whats your name?" Riley demands._

_He swallows hard and flinched as we move closer. "Jamie."_

_"You made a pass at my girlfriend?" Riley accuses, making the boy look at me pleadingly as he shakes his head._

_"No, Sir."_

_I take a step in front of Riley and fall into a backward pace as I block his war path, placing my hands firmly against his chest to stop him._

_"Stop!" I snap, trying to press him back and away from the scared kid behind me. "It was just a kiss. No big deal just drop it and go."_

_Riley's eyes burned into me, loathing and full of betrayal. Something about it would have been the biggest turn on had there not been a defenseless teenager standing shocked behind me. "Did you kiss him back?"_

_I turned my head to look at Jamie behind me, giving him a reassuring smile with my eyes before they flicker over to the older kids watching nearby. I relying on him to catch on and he seems to relax knowingly for a second but too soon Riley grabs my arm hard and jerks me around to face him, snapping my eyes back as I rip myself free of his grasp._

_"Yes!" I snap. "I kissed him back. You wanna know why? Because you're an asshole and I can do better than you." It hurts to say those words even if it's a lie because sometimes I worry that he really feels that way. If he does...he doesn't show it now._

_"Did you screw around with them too?" Riley growls, pointing at the two boys gawking at this spectacle of ours. As performers the 'show' comes naturally and the boys are already shaking their heads vehemently and stepping back as I set my eyes on them and study them for a moment, remembering their disrespectful wolf-whistling from before. They'll hopefully think twice next time._

_"Yeah I think so." I nod, making them take another cautious step back, their eyes watching Riley fearfully and ready to bolt at any moment._

_Riley grabs my arm again and this time the blue-eyed boy steps in front of me and pushes him hard in the chest. It's all his strength but against Riley it isn't much. I can easily pick out the over exaggeration as Riley makes himself stumble back slightly. Its subtle and only noticeable because I know to look for it. The glare in the boy's eyes tell me he's serious and doesn't think Riley is anything less than an real threat to me._

_"Don't touch her!" He demands, puffing his chest protectively and in that instant I see Riley in someone else. A reenactment of his character and how he feels about me, what Riley would have done had he been there in my darkest hour. I wish he had been._

_"Are you gonna make me?" Riley reaches for me again and tugs me closer, ripping a groan from my throat because this time I'm caught off guard and not expecting it, lost to the green eyes I'm trying not to adore as much as I do. Inadvertently my genuine response works to our advantage because in a desperate attempt the boys fist slams into Riley's stomach and forces the air from his lungs as he hunches over, his hands going to his knees to keep from falling. It's still a bit over the top on Riley's part but there's surprise in his eyes too. He's a tough kid and just about knocked a man twice his size to the ground. Those other boys would be easy for him._

_"I'm sorry, Sir." The boy stammers at Riley apologetically. He's mad but also confused and unsure as to whats really going on. Somewhere between knowing we're doing him a favor and scolding Riley for touching me and pushing him to fight. I turn to Jamie quickly and leave Riley to recover, facing the conflicting emotions on his face._

_"How old are you?" I ask, bringing his blue eyes to me._

_"Umm, I'm sixtee..."_

_"Please don't get me arrested for this." I sigh impatiently._

_"Wha..."_

_I move and wrap my arms around his neck and press my lips to his, taking him by surprise and smiling inside because he's braver than he seems. His hands move carefully to my hips and I can feel the confidence he capable of almost instantly. He just needed this push to find it. Something I lost at his age and still havent fully recovered even now. I feel like I'm helping him in a way I wasn't able to help Paige or myself. At least I hope I am. He parted his lips and that was enough. Too brave. I pulled away and chuckle lightly._

_"Don't push it, Handsome."_

_He smiles softly but it fades and he swallows hard as he looks at Riley who's fully recovered and straightened himself up._

_"You might wanna get out of here, kid." Riley growls louder, making Jamie take a step back automatically as Riley sets his glare on the other two boys. "Which one of them did you fuck around with?"_

_"Both." I smile, crossing my arms over my chest passively._

_Jamie back steps and makes a bee-line towards the others, all of them taking off together. Whether he knew what Riley and I intended or not I smiled when he receives a playful nudge from one of the other boys as they run off. Hopefully now he'll get some of the respect that he deserves._

_"Call me!" I shout after him. He shouldn't have had to prove himself to anyone but unfortunately the world is cruel sometimes and the smile on his face as he trots away is radiating confidence. "I told you he wouldn't give you the chance to defend yourself." I smile softly and turn to Riley._

_"Yeah you warned me." Riley groaned, his hand rubbing lightly over his stomach. "He has a pretty good arm but did you have to kiss him?" He smiled._

_"Nah, that was for me not him." I shrug. "Now I really feel worthy of driving the Cougar."_

_His hands move to wrap around my waist and pull me closer. "Yesss fine, whenever you want."_

_"Okay, next fight." I smile, slipping away from his grasp and heading to the car._

_"Oh no." Riley reaches for my hand. He doesn't pull me back to him, instead he moves around me and tugs me faster towards the car. "You got me punched in the stomach while you broke the law with a minor so you can now doctor me up." He smiled, throwing open the car door and flipping up the driver's seat to reveal the leather-cushioned backseat_

_"Consent for penetration is seventeen." I clarified. "There was no tongue so I didn't break anything aside from his heart and possibly crush his expectations for ever finding someone else like me in his lifetime."_

_"Oooh that's true." He nodded. "Okay but I still took a fist to the gut for you."_

_"How was that for me?" I snapped. "I was perfectly prepared to do the punching and you got in the way."_

_"Yes I know, that's my point." Riley frowned slightly and looked down. "You would have hurt your hand more than it already is."_

_I crinkle my eyebrows and clench my fist. It hurts now, more than it probably should. Like all feeling snapped back into my body just with Riley's words. I'm instantly scared of what I'm feeling so I move and push him into the backseat and pull the door closed behind me before straddling his hips and bringing my lips to his, letting his hands work over the button of the midnight blue satin on my hips, discarding things getting in the way as my hair falls to curtain him face._

_Suddenly I realize just what had happened simply because Riley showed me his pain and anger over my hand. For making me see that he's hurting too and that even worse...I'm hurting him. I see what happened. I stopped the car. I paused from my anger of wanting to find Cassie and I did it for him. If I hadn't then we wouldn't have been there to help keep a boy from getting hurt. He would have been alone the same way Paige was and the way that I was at his age._

_I gasp as Riley moves into me, clutching at the back of his neck as he melts into my mouth while I moans. It's the kiss. Its everything I feel when he's kissing me like he is now. I shouldnt let him. I know it could hurt me more later but each time I grow weaker to him. Something palpable is changing within me and my mind and I don't want to admit what's causing it because if I do it means I have to face things that leave me broken at just a thought. I have to admit what scares me and maybe I should but I'm stubborn and trying so hard to cling to the place in my mind that I feel safe._

_His lips instantly rip me away from everything by pushing me to focus more on the feelings of my body and not the shadows in my mind. Pulling me out just in time. He's keeping the images of demons in my head away...for now. I could drown in him and while drowning is dangerous...I need his lips moving with mine in order to separate him from pain in my head that he didn't cause. His mouth means everything. It's the most important difference. The one I'm sure of. He's never hurt me and the strokes of his tongue push me closer to believing he never will._

* * *

A rumble in the sky along with Emily's fingers touching her side made her eyes shoot open. Surprise came from the now dark sky with just faint light from the moon trying to poke through a fast-moving veil of clouds. She shivered and looked down to Emily curled against her chest, her fingers wrapped protectively around the charms of her necklace. The light may have been weak but she could see her so clearly. Shadows of clouds moving across caramel skin and the blue tint to her raven hair. The shallow breaths leaving her lips and the tiny bumps across her skin. Her eyebrows crinkled and tugged her jacket up over Emily's shoulder to keep her warm, smiling when her hip was touched again. That smile faded instantly when her eyes shot back to Emily holding her necklace, her other hand tucked under chin.

Even Peter waking her up on the train had never made her move so fast. Her head snapped down to her hip and she jumped at the brown eyes watching her.

"What the fu..!"

Instantly she felt bad because Emily jumped too but it was the last thing on her mind. Her hands flew to cover herself as sat up and curled her knees against her chest. Ember's head was ducked down to her eye level watching her intently.

"What?" Emily asked, confused at one again being woken in an unpleasant way. Mental note: Wake Emily up gently one day.

"He's pushing me and now trying to eat me in my sleep?" Emily just looked confused but as if to agree with her accusation Ember took a step closer and nipped at her knee, her hand flying up to swat him away. "What the hell?"

She looked over at Emily sitting herself up and frowned when she stifled a laugh. "He's a horse, Paige."

"Em, he slobbered all over me." Her eyes widened as she flickered them uneasily to Ember. "I'm sorry but that's a little unsettling considering I'm not wearing anything."

Her eyes softened when Emily laughed without trying to hide her amusement. How could she not melt at hearing her so happy? The air was ripped from her lungs when Emily fell back down to the soft grass and draped her arm over her eyes as she chuckled, giving her the chance to stare at her without being noticed and she took advantage of that fully. Her eyes slowly glided over the faint glow of her body and her mind couldn't wrap around the chapter they had opened. The way Emily's stomach sucked in as she laughed and one knee was bent up casually. She couldn't process the girl laying beside her or unscramble the words stuck in her throat that she wanted to say to her because there just weren't any. Nothing would be good enough to even bother trying. Her fingers went softly to her lips, remembering the roads they had traveled over Emily's body, how perfect it was and how right. In the history of the world nothing felt more right than this and nothing in her life would outshine the way Emily felt under her touch or the beauty in the arch of her back from the grass. It was something she'd thought about before but even the best artist couldn't paint the shade of the sun against her skin or the way the field had caught fire at just having Emily in it.

She could stay here. She could easily stay here in Lincoln after this night. Emily helped her tame a battle she'd been fighting for years and all she felt was peace here now. New memories and a new start. The second she saw the smile on Emily's lips as she took in the gold fields for the first time...it felt like home again. Finally a home on solid ground with the one person that made her world start spinning. Even if they left they could always end up here. The fields were theirs now.

* * *

Quicksand-Bridgit Mendler (Paily){I do not own these lyrics}

Ooohhh-Ohhh  
You stick to me like glue  
Oh, it's true  
I can't get you off my brain  
When you came in the room  
Didn't know what to do  
Oh, I melted so fast  
It was a sweet rapida  
I sunk to the ground  
You swept me off my feet and...

I'm falling in deeper  
Can't be saved  
No way out  
No way out of your quicksand  
Sunk to my knees  
I can't escape  
No way out  
No way out of your quicksand  
But I can breathe underneath  
(Oh, Ohh)  
Take your love  
Cover me  
(Oh, Ohh)  
Pull me down  
Pull me down

After just that time  
When my eyes, got their fix  
I lost my mind  
Now I find that I-I-I'm craving it  
I wanna see you again  
The way you're looking and you're  
So stuck in my head  
I think I'm loosing it  
Oh, Oh, Oh, Ohh

I'm falling in deeper  
Can't be saved  
No way out  
No way out of your quicksand  
Sunk to my knees  
I can't escape  
No way out  
No way out of your quicksand  
But I can breathe underneath  
(Oh, Ohh)  
Take your love  
Cover me  
(Oh, Ohh)  
Pull me down  
Pull me down

You are wonderful  
You've taken all of my heart  
Yeah, Yeah  
It was all worth the fall  
Don't let go  
Ohhh-Ooohhh  
Ohhhh  
No way out  
No way out  
Ohh  
No way out  
No way out of your quicksand

I'm falling in deeper  
Can't be saved  
No way out  
No way out of your quicksand  
Sunk to my knees  
I can't escape  
No way out  
No way out of your quicksand  
But I can breathe underneath  
(Oh, Ohh)  
Take your love  
Cover me  
Oohhh  
(Oh, Ohh)  
Pull me down  
Pull me down

* * *

Warm Whispers-Missy Higgins (Paily){I do not own these lyrics}

Your warm whispers  
Out of the dark they carry my heart  
Your warm whispers  
Into the dawn they carry me through

And I'm weeping warm honey and milk  
That you stay surrounding me, surrounding me

Your warm whispers  
Letting me drown in a pool of you  
Your warm whispers  
Keeping the noise from breaking through

And I'm weeping warm honey and milk  
That you stay surrounding me, surrounding me  
Yeah I'm weeping warm honey and milk  
That you stay surrounding me

Your warm whispers  
Your warm whispers

And I'm weeping warm honey and milk  
Your warm whispers  
And I'm weeping warm honey and milk  
Your warm whispers

Your warm whispers  
Your warm whispers  
Your warm whispers

* * *

**Kiss Quick- Matt Nathansonson (Marley){I do not own these lyrics but this is my song.} **

This year, all but disappeared,  
bought into fairy tales,  
But sleeping beauty just  
kept score and tried to sleep more  
She said "I'm not quite, myself tonight,  
But the way you touch me, oh, makes me tongue tied,  
That could be the wine too."

Kiss Quick, I've got a line out the door  
Who all think they can save me.  
One by one they lay the world at my feet,  
One by one they drive me crazy.

She said "I know Love,  
and it's all push and shove,  
so stop talking  
and put your back into it."  
Loaded, oh my hands shook to hold it  
I turned her body on, I turned her body on myself.

Kiss Quick, I've got a line out the door  
Who all think they can save me.  
One by one they lay the world at my feet,  
One by one they drive me crazy.

Shut your mouth,  
Pull me out, before this all goes grey.  
One by one they lay the world at my feet.  
One by one they go away.

Oh-oh-oh-oh  
Oh-oh-oh-oh

Come on, come on.  
Kiss quick, I've got a line out the door  
Who all think they can save me.  
Oh, one by one they lay the world at my feet.  
One by one they drive me crazy.

Shut your mouth,  
Pull me out before this all goes grey.  
One by one they lay the world at my feet.  
One by one they go away.  
They go away.  
They go away.

Sell my blood for money,  
baby, baby.  
And I love how it feels.

This year, all but disappears.


	18. Chapter 18

**Authors Note: **Thank you everyone for sticking with me and waiting so patiently for this update and also for all of the amazing reviews! I hope you all enjoy this chapter and continue to follow the story as Red Velvet only continues to grow! Love to all of you! Enjoy! Please note that I am placing a warning on _italics_ for sexual violence. It's a sensitive subject and not for everyone.

_"I recognized you instantly. All of our lives flashed through my mind in a split second. I felt a pull so strongly towards you that I almost couldn't stop it." ― J. Sterling, In Dreams_

* * *

"Em, he slobbered all over me." Paige's eyes widened as she flickered them skeptically over to where he stood watching. "I'm sorry but that's a little unsettling considering I'm not wearing anything."

Laughing she laid back down to the grass and draped her arm over eyes. It was probably not the best reaction and she didn't mean to laugh as much as she did but the overwhelming emotion coursing through her body made it hard to control. Every part of her felt happy and she didn't want to contain any of it, tingling across her skin from her head to her toes...her fingertips that touched new places . She should probably be wondering why Ember was all of the sudden giving Paige a hard time. Even that thought was funny. Likely he was jealous of the time she spent with Paige instead of him but she'd only heard stories of animals, dogs or cats, acting out when the new girlfriend is brought home. A horse sounded a bit odd and she hadn't actually expected to experience it. Paige seemed just as surprised.

Paige.

Her laughter faded and she lowered her arm from her eyes to see Paige looking at her softly. Her breath vanished at seeing her, sitting with her legs bent up against her chest and her chin resting lightly on her knees. The cream of her skin under the darkly lit sky and the way that even in the dark her chocolate eyes melted at seeing her too. She reached for her and Paige didn't hesitate to move closer, lowering herself down to the grass beside her with a light smile. She shifted on to her side.

"Are you okay?" Paige's fingers moved to trace over her bare skin, drawing paths up her arms and then over her shoulder and down her spine.

"More than okay." She nodded, making the smile spread on Paige's lips.

"Really?" Paige teased, stopping the movement of her fingers on her hip. "That good?"

She chuckled lightly. "Is that an ego driven question?"

"No, just genuinely wondering out loud." Paige smiled but quickly tried to force a more serious face and failed.

A groan of playful frustration left her throat as she pulled Paige closer, melting into her mouth and smiling against her lips at just being close to her. She was lost to everything all over again. The shiver down her spine from the cooler air and the deep rolling noise in the sky. Her hands moved on their own across the flat of Paige's stomach and circled over the skin on her hip that had tortured her all week, willing her fingertips to memorize the warmth.

"Oh my God." She mumbled. It was a jumble of words because she hadn't pulled away from Paige's lips before speaking them. Paige just looked confused. "What time is it? We were supposed to meet everyone for dinner."

"I don't know." Paige shrugged and looked down at the tiny clock hanging from the gold chain. "We don't have to go, Em. They won't care."

"I care." She argued. "I told Peter we'd be there and I don't want to be one of those people that says something but doesn't follow through. We all work together now so I want to be dependable."

"Em, its dinner." Paige sighed. "It's not a show or anything where we really rely on each other. Its food."

"It's the principal." She looked at her firmly but their eyes shot up to sky together as the low rumble moved through the air. "Wasn't it supposed to storm and didn't Peter say something about tornado season?"

Paige nodded and shifted herself up in the darkness, reaching automatically for random articles of clothing. She looked around in the grass too and grabbed the white corset, fidgeting with the threading in the dark. Was it weird to want Mary here right now? Her very own fairy Godmother? The strings were already thin and hard to manage in a lit room so this was bound to be challenging and she quickly wrapped it around her chest and tugged the strings just snug enough to hold it in place before giving up and reaching for the dress. The coral dress itself was just added support which was definitely needed with her poor job figuring out the threading.

Heat appeared against her skin as Paige lightly ran the zipper up her back and once it was up she turned to face her. Her eyes fell on soft eyes and her throat tightened. Paige was now clad in thin red bra across her chest and her white shirt was still unbuttoned though she had managed to slip into her black pants and boots already. Paige moved and snapped her out of the moment she wanted to stay in. Her auburn waves stirred the air as she bent down and picked up something from the grass.

"I don't really know how to help you with these." Paige's eyebrows crinkled and she breathed a weak laugh, holding out the blue lace still mostly attached to the pantyhose by small white straps.

Her cheeks flushed in the darkness as she took them from Paige's hands and separated the pieces, slipping into just the lace and bunching the rest up awkwardly in her hands. Another rolling of thunder in the sky kept movement in her body though it took a few minutes to pick out the ballet flats in the tall grass. Several times the thought crossed her mind to just leave them behind but Mary had leant them to her so it seemed like a bad way to say thank you. A mental note was made not to wear difficult clothing if she and Paige ever came to this place again but at the same time she didn't care as long as they were together the way they were a few hours ago. She'd walk the miles back naked if it meant being in that beautiful place again.

She moved towards Ember in the darkness, taking careful steps because the moon was being clouded more with each passing second and she could barely see. There was an electric charge in the air and while it was because of the impending weather it felt stronger than it should because Paige was standing beside her. It was almost painful. All she wanted was to touch her again and all over again her nerves wound tightly in the pit of her stomach as Ember knelt to the ground. She threw her leg over his back and instantly Paige was behind her, pressed into her back and holding her close. She could feel the wind kick auburn waves up across her neck as Paige rested her chin on her shoulder

To say the ride back was a blur would be blasphemy of the experience. Every second was detailed and every feeling heightened. The knots in her stomach twisted themselves further but somehow the feeling only brought comfort. Paige ran her hands up her bare thighs, ignoring the boundary of the dress and bringing them rest on her hips against lace, her blood quickening to the point where she had to close her eyes to ignore her vision clouding. The only sound she heard was breath rigidly leaving her lungs as Paige planted a small trail of kisses across her shoulder. She focused on the heat of Paige touching her and saw her all over again. The sun catching fire to the red in her hair falling over her chest and the glisten on her skin as she ran her fingers down Paige's stomach. She heard the soft moans leaving her lips and...

Her heart jumped when Ember's body shifted and slowed, the stables now in view and unlike their ride back in on the bike the other night at least Ember knew to not crash them into a fence when she was lost to the all the ways Paige was touching her. Something needed to be worked out as far as transportation goes. Touching each other while operating any type of horsepower was dangerous.

"What time was everyone meeting up?" She asked, closing the gate behind Ember and turning to Paige who immediately reached to her clock charm.

"They were supposed to be at Riley's for a while after the show but they should be at Charq's by now. It's almost ten and its kind of a late night thing when we go so.."

She nodded and looked down over her dress to check its condition now that they were under the inside lights of the stable. Aside from a few pieces of grass in the gauze netting it was bright and just as beautiful as before "What kind of place is it? Should I change?"

"It's just a restaurant and bar." Paige shrugged and her eyes got serious and pleading as they walked past the metal doors that led to the tiger enclosure. "Please don't change. You look beautiful."

Her eyes glided over the unbuttoned red velvet over Paige's shoulders, her white shirt buttoned still crisp and white. She had to stop her eyes from moving any lower because the black clinging tightly to Paige's legs may very well bring her to her knees and if she fell now, with how weak her body felt just standing beside her, there may be no amount of strength capable of pulling her up. _Paige_ was beautiful. It's a word she thought of every time she looked at her but it brought such a strong rush of emotion at hearing it leave Paige's lips. She felt beautiful, wanted, like her whole body was glowing enough to light the hallway without any help from the fluorescent lights hanging above. Heat spread on her cheeks as she smiled, reaching her free hand for Paige's and it being eagerly accepted.

They stopped at the last metal door beside the one leading outside and Paige quickly punched in a number, instantly getting a green light and soft buzzing sound. The room reminded her of the stables in Rosewood and took her back to the ache she'd felt in her chest that night at the idea of sending away her only hope. The difference was that while she remembered that pain vividly she didn't feel it now. Hope rested in her hand and she promised herself then that she'd never forget the pain that had surfaced when she thought she was losing Ember because the pain of losing Paige would be indescribable. She needed to remember the pain because it made her appreciate the lack of it now.

The room was small and crowded with shelves on the walls and a large corner shaped desk. Paige grabbed the nylon and straps from her hand and tossed them into a her desk drawer then moved over to a cabinet and pulled it open to reveal large pegged board holding various sets of keys, running her fingers lightly over the sets as she looked for something in particular. There were easily fifty and how Paige knew what they all went to was a bit unbelievable. Maybe she didn't but she knew what she was looking for. Her hand stopping short over a single key with a silver "D" key chain on it.

"One of many spare sets. We're taking Peter's car." Paige said "The truck is still in 16 and taking the bike might be a bad idea in a storm." She tossed the key into the air and caught it with a smile before closing the cabinet again and moving towards the door.

"D?"

"Devon." Paige clarified. "His last name."

"Learning new things everyday." she smiled. "I feel like I should ask more questions because it seems like I should have known Peter's last name."

"Questions are good." Paige nodded and moved back out into the corridor and checking the lock on the door as it closed behind them. "To be fair I could also offer more information so you don't have to ask. That could either be seen as chivalrous because I'm sparing you the trouble or cocky and proud because I'm showing off my knowledge."

"I like the chivalrous you." she teased, taking Paige's hand again and letting her eyes linger on her face, the pink of the lips that had kissed her paths across her body. The looked as soft as they'd felt. "So how many shows were canceled tomorrow because of the weather?" She cleared her throat, taking a deep breath of air when they stepped outside.

The smell of rain and earth was heavy and had always been one of her favorite scents in the world. Other than chlorine from pools is was the only time water really had a smell and this happened to be its purest form. It wasn't even the water but the fragrance of everything it touched when it fell. It was relaxing all the same.

"Just one." Paige shrugged, tightening her grip on her hand and making her smile in the process. Her touches were such a far cry from where they had been a few days ago in Charleston when they'd walked through town. The pressure felt good and made her feel less like the girl who spent years broken. "We had a noon show and then we were set to leave again tomorrow night. Now we just have a free day before leaving and a free day traveling"

"Where are we going?"

"Montana." Paige arched her eyebrows. "We have a show in Great Falls and then we'll start heading further south."

"Texas?"

"At some point." Paige nodded. "Dallas...but we have other stops on the way. Texas is closer to the end of the season. Why?"

Excitement and butterflies coursed through her blood. "My parents are at Fort Hood."

"Wow." Paige sighed softly. "Mom and dad..." A weak breath left her lips and she looked nervous.

"Yeah...I mean I'd like to see them." she shrugged. "You don't have to though." she added quickly. "I don't want you to feel pressured or like you have to. It's not a big deal."

"Would you want me to meet them?" Paige asked, her eyes curious and interested.

she nodded. Without having to think about it she nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I would. One day...if you want to..."

"Then I'd love to." Paige smiled when she breathed a sigh of relief, louder than she'd intended. "You've already met my family after all. And just so you don't have to ask, because I'm chivalrous and all... Peter Devon, Riley Brennan, Marley Nolan-O'Connor which I just learned today. Apparently her birthday wasnt the only inaccurate piece of information. I guess I'll include Sadie Kyle and Faye Davis too. They can either be my evil step-sisters or the house pets...not sure which.

"Well I love them all already." She smiled. "I think you guys probably have the best job in the world."

"Why because we travel on a vintage style train through beautiful cities and entertain crowds with our talents?" Paige teased.

"Theres that." she nodded. "But its more than that too. You're doing what you love and you're traveling with the people you love. There's work and shows but then its easy to find time to slow down too and just enjoy it all."

"I can't stress enough how amazing you were." Paige sighed and applied more pressure to her hand as they walked through the dark empty parking lot towards the large concrete warehouse. "I mean I wasn't fond of the fire ring but that wasn't because I didn't trust you or Ember its just...fire so close to someone I love..." Paige paused to look at her and she seemed to lose her breath saying that word the same way she lost hers just hearing it. "When I saw you though...I think my mind stopped working. I saw you in Rosewood...when you were riding down the road. Remind me to thank Mar for that dress by the way." She chuckled gathered her thoughts again. "You're so much stronger than you were in that town though. I mean you were strong when you were riding, even with knowing that Ember was leaving, and I hoped that it was sign that you'd be okay but...you blew me away earlier. I couldn't be that brave in a world so new to me. It took me months to get comfortable with this life and you find your niche in a week."

"You make this all looks so easy." She smiled. "It made me believe that I could do it to."

Paige shook her head in disbelief and her lips parted to speak but it took her a few paces to find her words. "Well...you definitely made it look easy earlier."

"I was a wreck earlier." She disagreed. "If Mary and Riley hadn't helped the way they had it wouldn't have happened. They're really amazing and I was basically having a panic attack because all I wanted was to find you and make that look in your eyes disappear."

"What look?"

"The one that said you expected me to run from you.' she clarified. "You're right to think that. I was a mess in Rosewood and for so long I didn't even want to change it. I wouldn't have lasted much longer there but you made me _want_ something again. Ember wasn't my only reason leaving and he definitely isn't now."

Paige held the heavy metal door open leading into the warehouse but she caught her arm gently in the doorway, turning to face her. "I'm sorry." She breathed. "Again for not telling you about Cassie but mostly for almost leaving Rosewood without you. I mean I know I couldn't have imagined this happening...its like a dream but...I feel like I should have really tried. Already I can't imagine not having you here."

"Neither of us could have really known we'd have this but...you were right to leave. I needed to save myself. I needed to admit to myself that I was strong enough to."

"You are." Paige nodded firmly.

"I know."

"So what's 'this'?" Paige asked. "You said we couldn't have know we'd have 'this'."

"I can't tell you that." She teased, her fingers tugging lightly on the front of Paige's jacket to pull her closer. "I'm seeing someone."

Paige smiled and leaned in, pressing her back gently into the door frame. Her mouth and throat felt dry as she planted a kiss at the corner of her mouth but when Paige moved to her lips a tingle moved through her tongue and her mouth watered at her breath and the scent it carried into her nose. Her tongue slipping forward into Paige's and her hands moving up around her neck to become lost in auburn waves. Just holding Paige close was enough but kissing her now sparked excitement in her blood and brought images into her head of making love under an amber sky. It felt like their own personal Heaven and something the whole world wasn't privy too even though she wanted to scream it for all ears. It was new and invigorating, something they shared together that happened to be the most beautiful thing in her life, maybe in the world. That wouldn't ever change.

As Paige pulled away from her lips she missed it instantly. But another beautiful thing was found just in watching her breathe, her eyes closed for a moment as she forced control into her body and trying her best to focus. She didn't want to do any of those things. Breathing wasn't necessary because Paige did that for her when they kissed and control and focus were so overrated anyways. All the same...she tried.

"Poor Peter though." She smiled, coaxing Paige's eyes to flutter open and a laugh to leave her lips.

"No, not poor Peter." Paige shook her head and stepped into the warehouse, flipping a switch on the wall and lighting hundreds of lights so high above. "I felt bad for him at first but honestly he kind of deserved that performance from Marley. He wakes everyone up too early."

"He told her he wakes her up hours before everyone else." She stated, letting her eyes move around the large open space. There were at least thirty cars parked and it looked more like a parking garage than a warehouse but essentially there wasn't much difference anyways.

"Then he's brave and he'll get no sympathy from me."

Paige stopped beside a vanilla colored Mercury Milan and clicked the locks, opening the door and holding it for her to climb in. Paige closed the door behind her and walked around the hood and the first thing she noticed was the smell inside the small space.

"How old is this?" She asked as Paige slipped into the driver's seat, looking around the pristine interior. The tan leather seats where perfect and it could have been straight from the dealership.

"Three years I think." Paige sighed. "I know. His control freak mentalities don't stop when the show does. Remind me to spill something before we bring it back. Marley had gum in here one time over Christmas and we sat for an hour in the grocery store parking lot because she refused to spit it out and he wouldn't drive until she did."

"You sat for an hour?"

"Yes and she smacked her gum the entire time, bubbles and all." Paige smiled. "I wanted to scream at her to just get rid of it but I wanted to see Peter give up more so that won out."

"Who gave up?" She asked, watching Paige start the engine and click a button on the visor that brought a large garage door to life.

"Who do you think?" Paige sighed, pulling through the wide door more carefully than was necessary. "She pulled it out of her mouth and threatened to drop it on the floor instead so he gave up pretty fast."

"You called her Marley." She noted. The name was beautiful and personally she couldn't imagine _not_ liking it if it were own but Paige usually stuck to the shortened version so the change peaked her interest.

"A little insight about everyone." Paige started. "No one really likes calling her Mary. Actually we hate it but we gave up trying just to avoid pissing her off. You'll notice that even Riley avoids it whenever he can. Peter calls her Mary because she'll turn on him if he doesn't and he's weak but Riley...is more brave. He'll use 'Mar' or a pet name, anything to keep from having to call her Mary. I guess admitting that my choices hurt her is making me realize that I don't really know her the way I should. I should have taken the time."

Her hand shot out to shove Paige in the shoulder before she crossed her arms over her chest in frustration. "Oh so now you believe me?" She shook her head and smiled though part of her wanted to shove her again but that seemed reckless since she was driving . "I don't even know her as much as you do and I told you that."

"Exactly." Paige chuckled bashfully, trying to down play it all but it was clear that she was really bothered by the oversight and the rift it was causing. "I needed a person that wasn't involved to point it out to me. Thank you." She smiled. There was more there though.

Her eyes softened at seeing conflict in Paige's eyes. It was only there for a second but it was there all the same. "She could have said something too though. It's not just your fault, it's both of you. I don't have to be around you two long to see that there's a communication issue. Riley will back me up on that one."

"Honestly...Stella could back you up on that one too." Paige smiled sarcastically. "And yeah she could have said something but I _should _have said something. I went to her and didn't even apologize afterwards. She was just starting a relationship with Riley and I'm not even sure she told him but either way...it was selfish of me to use her for what I was missing when she was trying to be happy with him. After that it just became the elephant in the room."

"I don't think she sees it that way exactly." She assured. Her brief talks with Mary seemed more honest than the thoughts Paige was twisting around in her head, the doubts and the worry. She seemed happy that Paige had trusted her enough but learning the truth about Cassie could have shifted things a bit. Mary seemed immensely loyal to Paige and everyone else to the point where she put them all before herself. The same way Paige did. She understood it now. She could relate. Even after a week she could see herself doing anything she could to be there for any one of them. That's what families do. "You guys are a lot alike so I wouldn't be surprised if she's over analyzing this whole thing too. Just talk to her." She reached over the middle console and placed a hand on Paige's thigh as she drove. "Just please make sure she doesn't leave the show?" She pleaded. " There's no way I can figure out corsets and garter straps without her help."

Paige just smiled and allowed one hand to leave the steering wheel to cover hers. "I don't plan on letting her leave because I'm now very appreciative of both of those things."

"To the point where you'll wear them?" she asked hopefully, raising her eyebrows.

Paige choked on a laugh. "Uhh..not in your long beautiful life."

She smiled and stayed quiet beside Paige on the drive. The silence always felt nice. They said more without words but this time it was mostly because of the worry that seemed to keep surfacing on Paige's face, the slight crinkle between her eyes. Every few seconds Paige would squeeze her hand as if to assure her that it had nothing to do with them. She wouldn't have thought that anyway. Maybe a week ago she would have but...not now. If Paige made her feel anything it was confident in herself and free of doubt when it came to their relationship. She couldn't help smiling at hearing that word in her head. After a few minutes of silence and watching the sky scrapers in the city glowing outside her window...she spoke.

"So, you said elephant in the room." She started, shifting in her seat to face Paige whose eyes flickered over to her. "Why don't you have an elephant? It's a circus without an elephant."

Paige groaned and shook her head.

"What?" She pressed

"This is a conversation I have with Sydney every time I see her." Paige sighed. "She has her reasons and I have mine."

"What are yours?"

"You know how big the train cars are and how much traveling we do?"

She nodded "Yeah."

"I guess I just don't feel its humane to have an elephant trapped in a small train car for days at a time. I already hate it for Stella and now Ember but they're so much smaller so that gives them more room. An elephant would barely be able to stand let alone turn and move around. Stella has her space, she can jump up on to her open cage that's inside the enclosure so she can get some of the exercise she needs that way and Ember has some room to move but an elephant really wouldn't."

She smiled at Paige's reasons for standing her ground on the issue. Of course it was her compassion. "I think you just made me love you more." She smile widened as Paige brought their hands up and kissed her knuckle.

The parking lot they pulled into a few minutes later was dark but the headlights bounced off the turquoise car she recognized as Riley's Cougar. Paige was out of the car first and she moved to climb out quickly before Paige could open it for her, part of her curious to test something in particular. The night back in Rosewood when Paige had driven her home she had opened the truck door on her own and Paige face had fallen. Her reasons for opening the door on her own had been different then. She didn't want to prolong the pain she knew was coming as soon as her front door closed behind her. And it had come. Brutal and real and exactly what she needed to face at that point in time. Now was different. She felt strong and as Paige reached her side and took her hand she smiled proudly because she noticed the change too.

The parking lot was small and tall buildings reached towards the sky on all sides. They were downtown somewhere. Paige led the way around parked cars towards a rustic brick building with a glowing purple awning. The name 'Charq's' was scrolled across in a vintage car wash print.

"Are you sure I shouldn't have changed?" She asked, Paige holding the door open for her and her eyes falling on espresso wood floors and raw stone walls."

"I guarantee everyone is probably still wearing their show clothes so don't worry."

The entryway was casual but the dress she was wearing didn't feel so casual. Her eyes glanced down over the coral fabric and she quickly picked a piece of grass from the gauze. Her hand flew up to her hair.

"Um, Paige?"

Paige's eyes widened and she carefully inspected her hair, biting back a laugh when she found another piece of grass. She smiled too when she found two pieces clinging to the velvet on her back and one in her hair too.

"Okay maybe we should have changed." Paige chuckled. "Can I check other places later though? Just to make sure we're not missing any pieces that should be returned to their natural environment."

"Oh to protect the balance of the states ecosystem?" She nodded. "I'm all for preservation."

Paige blushed and let the door fully swing shut behind them, keeping her hand wrapped lightly around her waist.

"Table for two?" The girl behind the counter asked.

Paige squinted her eyes slightly in confusion and opened her mouth to speak. "Ummm..."

"Paige!" A voice shouted from the door behind the counter as it swung open to reveal a tall man with a burly beard. "The gangs here already, where have you been?" He grinned, walking around the counter to scoop her into a hug.

"Hey, long time." Paige smiled, dropping her arms to grab her hand again when he released her. "Em, this is Gavin he was a friend of my dad's and this...is Emily, my girlfriend."

Her heart raced.

"Pleasure to meet you." Gavin's smile widened as he reached to shake her hand. "Ladies, the usual table." He pointed towards the back corner of the restaurant where voices were flowing from. "Taylor, don't forget this face as long as you're working here. These girls are family too."

"Too?" Paige asked him, smiling at the teenage girl behind the counter who looked away sheepishly. "What did she do?"

"She tried to seat everyone on the other side of the restaurant and got chewed out. Mary seems a bit on edge tonight." He gave Paige a look of mock horror and turned away to walk back behind the counter.

"Greeeaaat." Paige sighed knowingly.

She nudged Paige's arm as they walked towards the table. "Just talk to her."

The seating arrangement was interesting to say the least but it was only made so at their arrival. Mary sat with Riley on her right and the only two chairs available were on her left. She wanted to give Paige the opportunity to talk to Mary but the way her whole body tensed at seeing her and the steak knife Mary was toying with made her think that the dinner table wouldn't be the best place. She opted to take the seat beside Mary and that would leave Paige beside her and Peter who sat at the head of the table. Sydney was on his other side followed by Mrs. Brennan then Sadie and Faye sat on the far end chatting it up with a young male waiter.

"Sorry we're late." Paige smiled and slipped into the chair beside her. "Have you guys been here long?" She asked Peter.

"No." He shook his head and looked across the table. "We were at Riley's and got caught up in the basement with the pool table. We've only been here for about ten minutes."

"Oh yes the pool table with ten feet on each side." Paige smiled and slid one of the several glasses of water over to her that a waitress was setting down.

Her eyes flickered over to Mary on her right and relaxed at seeing the same blue satin on her hips and the white corset paired with the tight black blazer. Riley was still clad in jeans, a tight black t-shirt and black classic pinstripe jacket that was left unbuttoned. His clothes looked the most normal between him, Mary, Paige and herself. Even Sadie and Faye had changed into shorts and tank tops. It made her curious what Mary and Riley had been up to that had kept them from changing. She knew the reason for her and Paige to still be wearing the same thing.

"Mary?" She whispered. She could still hear Paige talking to Peter but she kept her voice quiet and rested her elbow on the table and her head in hand. Still Mary's eyes flickered hesitantly over her shoulder at Paige before letting her blue eyes fall softly on her.

"You were so amazing, Ems." She smiled proudly and rested her head in her hands too.

"I wanted to say thank you." She smiled back. "I couldn't have done any of that by myself and you singing was just..." she sighed and shook her head lightly. Her mind felt overwhelmed by everything that had happened that day. Cassie and the fight, Paige being so hurt and Mary hurt too. Riley and Mary going out of their way to help her. The beautiful song Mary sang and Riley playing guitar which was a talent she hadn't even known of. Telling Paige she loved her and hearing her say it back. The gold fields.

"Please don't cry." Mary whispered softly and crinkled her eyebrows in worry. "You're made for all of this. It was breathtaking to watch. Trust me."

She smiled bashfully and fought back the burn in her eyes. It was easier than she expected because Mary's face changed suddenly and confused her. A soft and amused smile tugged at her lips as her blue eyes flickered down to the coral around her hips.

"What?" She asked, following Mary's gaze in a panic, expecting to see more grass. Her eyes saw nothing except the tiny pink feathers perfectly placed in the gauze. "What's wrong?"

She held her breath when Mary dropped her hand beneath the table and moved her fingers up under the pink gauze. She was about to question her but in one swift tug Mary pulled her hand away, now holding a white garter strap she had somehow missed. Of course she had missed one. She shook her head in disbelief and her cheeks flushed. Another mental note was made not to wear garter straps in dark fields. Mary dropped it discreetly into her purse hanging on the side of her chair and picked up her glass to take a quick drink of her water.

"So how was your reaction?" Mary whispered, a smile still tugging at her lips and reaching her blue eyes which only made her smile in return and blush more than she already was.

"Natural and intense."

Mary smiled now. "Good." She whispered still keeping her words soft enough to only be heard by her ears. She smiled too as Mary glanced across the table and frowned at Sadie and Faye still flirting with the waiter.

"Did your test results come back yet, girls?" Mary asked. "From the free clinic?"

Their eyes widened at her and so did the waiter's though his were directed at Sadie and Faye. "What the fuck?" Sadie snapped.

It was too late though. Mary won and the waiter turned to flee quickly. "What?" she shouted after him. "Its flu season!"

"You're such a bitch." Sadie laughed. Part of her was mad but mostly she smiled like she expected nothing less.

Mary cocked her head sweetly. "And you're a slut."

"I'm a good one though." Sadie shot. "I'm having fun. Ever heard of that?"

"The kind of fun that itches and burns when you pee?" Mary smiled. "Respect your bodies."

Sadie sighed. "You're just mad because you're all domesticated with flame boy over there and his messy hair."

"And green eyes." Faye added, swooning over him from across the table.

"Wait...Flame boy?" Riley choked on his water. "Hey she gets sex anytime she wants it and you two pay for it. That must get difficult on a moving train without an ATM."

"Oh I know she gets it." Sadie nodded surely. "The walls are too fucking thin."

"How many guys did I pull out of your bed this morning?" Mary arched her eyebrows and rested her chin in her hand. "Two? Tell me about thin walls again."

Riley frowned and looked at her know. "Were they dressed?"

Mary smiled at him sweetly. "Yes because everyone has gang bangs wearing clothes." She rolled her eyes.

"Mother fucker." He pouted.

"Relax." She sighed. "One was a blonde and regardless I don't want anything these two have touched. Hows the lip gloss, Sadie?"

Sadie's eyes turned to slits burning into her from across the table. "That's gross, Mary."

"Stay out of my fucking room then." She shrugged.

"Riley!"

His eyes snapped warily across the table to his mom and the stern look in her eyes. "Yes ma'am?"

"Just get a house and settle down her."

"Oh fuck here we go again." He mumbled. Mary's hand moved to shove him but he grabbed it before she made contact without breaking away from his moms eyes, holding it gingerly in his and letting them rest on his lap instead. "Can we just have the lake cabin in Oregon that no one ever uses?" He asked sarcastically, rolling his eyes at his mom.

Mary's whole body tensed beside her suddenly. She went completely still and appeared to be biting her tongue as her eyes moved to study him. He was looking at her too and tracing his thumb lightly over her bruised knuckles. "One game?" She asked, standing from the table when he nodded and leading him over to a pool table just across the room.

Her eyes followed them and Mary seemed to turn on him the second they reached it, first grabbing a cue stick and then whispering quietly. She could see their lips moving but couldn't make out the words and instantly it felt like an invasion of privacy but something kept her eyes on them talking. Something seemed wrong about the way Mary was standing. She looked tired even despite the flawless thin pallet of blue and red powder around her eyes. Maybe it was the way she couldn't even look at Riley as he spoke to her. Her presence was usually strong but now it was nothing resembling. The day had been so long though and even Riley looked tired. The sound of Peter yawning brought her eyes back to Paige only to find her watching them over her shoulder too.

"They have really good food here." Paige smiled, turning around in her seat again. "The deserts are the best though."

The waiter came back a few minutes later though he seemed less enthusiastic than before and he seemed to stand a few extra feet back when he took Sadie and Faye's orders. It didn't stop them from flirting but now it just looked a little pitiful. Paige was right though. Fifteen minutes later Mary and Riley returned to the table and the waiter returned with their orders. The food was amazing. She ordered a mushroom ravioli and Paige had a cobb salad that she kept stealing bites from.

"You can have it if you want." She smiled as Paige's fork moved to steal a piece of pasta from her plate. "I'll trade you."

"Yeeees." Paige grinned and slid her plate closer and they continued to swipe bites.

"Are you not eating?" Riley whispered, bringing her eyes over to see Mary picking quietly over a breadstick and breaking it into pieces before dropping it all together and resting her chin in her hand.

She shook her head lightly but didn't answer him, his hand moving to rest on her thigh under the table in a soothing way. "Oh my God yes." Mary smiled, perking up when the waiter brought a variety tray of cupcakes and placed them in the center of the table.

"I think this is the main reason we come here." Paige laughed and even Mary smiled with her. It seemed like their first acknowledgment of each other all night. Cupcakes to soothe the tension she had sitting on both sides of her.

"Because they're amazing. Coconut..." Mary noted, handing a small plate with a white cupcake over to Paige without really looking at her. She went right to work passing out others. Sadie and Faye fought over pink cupcakes glittered in pink sprinkles and Peter snagged a creamy yellow with a sliver of lemon on top.

"Black Forest.." Mary smiled passing rich chocolate over to Riley with a cherry on top. "Ems?"

"I'm not picky." She shook her head. "Whatever's left is fine."

"Theres like ten left." Mary sighed, shrugging when she failed to pick a flavor. There were so many. A light green whipped frosting with a tiny pistachio on top and a classic vanilla. "Fine, you should eat this one." Mary bit back a light smile and placed a plate in front of her.

Her cheeks blushed instantly and Paige choked quietly on a bite of her cupcake but Mary paid no attention and carried on with her task. It was good that way because no one else caught on to the significance of the red velvet cupcake sitting on her plate. Well...aside from Paige who seemed to be fighting a smile. The pink on her cheeks gave her away.

"Is the coconut good?" She cleared her throat, teasing her way around the cream cheese frosting on the red velvet cupcake.

A few seconds without an answer and she glanced at Paige to see her staring at the smooth movements of her finger through icing. Paige's lips part slightly as she watched her bring the frosting to her mouth. Paige and Mary's enthusiasm over these was not exaggerated. It melted on the tongue like warm butter and was creamy without being too sweet. They were perfect.

"You really shouldnt be allowed to eat." Paige smiled. "At all. You and food could win a war as the weapon of choice."

Her eyes widened in confusion. "What?" She flushed embarrassingly and flickered her eyes at everyone lost in their own conversations.

Sadie was licking the frosting off of hers but she was trying to be sexy with the waiter and only ended up with pink icing all over her chin. Mrs. Brennan was eating a lavender colored cupcake properly with a fork and that just seemed all kinds of wrong. She looked to Mary last. If anyone would look good eating a cupcake it would be her with natural way of being flawless. Mary in general was sensual, like sex in human form...the pure essence that was so effortless and natural. She was shifted in her seat towards Riley talking quietly and cupcake on her plate remained untouched. So much for pointers.

"Whats wrong with me and food?" She argued, turning back towards Paige and pushing her small plate away from her in defeat. "I'm just eating it."

"Yes..." Paige smiled, scooting the plate closer again. "Yes please just keep eating it."

She laughed when Paige rested her head dreamily in her hands and watched, waiting. Her hand moved instantly to cup Paige's cheek as she pressed a kiss to lips, smiling into her mouth when she was greeted eagerly with the taste of coconut on her tongue as it grazed just barely across her lower lip. Her pulse began hammering through her veins and part of her swore she could still pick out the flavor of her body on Paige's lips too.

"How long do these dinners usually last?" She whispered against her lips.

"Um...bathroom?" Paige smiled hopefully and sighed just as quickly. "They last too long." She declared.

She groaned lightly and pulled away to pick at the red velvet cupcake on her plate, her eyes moving over to Mary's plate again.

"What kind is that?" She asked pointing to cupcake on Mary's plate. It was cream in color and drizzled with a gooey amber swirl.

"Maple Bacon Spring Break ."

"Bacon?"

Mary nodded. "Yeah you know this morning when I made pancakes and bacon for breakfast and the syrup runs into the bacon? Its good right?"

"No." Riley frowned in disagreement. "Bacon is salty and perfect. It's not supposed to be sweet. That's disgusting."

"It's good." Paige agreed beside her.

"Emily can be the tie-breaker." Riley suggested, leaning closer to watch.

"We don't need a fucking tiebreaker." Paige sighed restlessly.

"Yeah its Paige and I against you." Mary added. "If Emily doesn't like it _then_ we'll need a tiebreaker and if she does then you're just more outnumbered by women than you already are."

Riley shook his head firmly. "No, Peter doesn't like them either."

Mary's eyes snapped to Peter at the end of the table and his shoulders sunk at being tossed under the Mary Bus. "How did you like the show?" She smiled, biting the corner of her lip.

His cheeks flushed but his body frame seemed to strengthen stubbornly though he refused to look at her. "I don't like syrup on my bacon."

The sound of Riley's 'whoop' made her jump. She reached for the cupcake on her own and took a bite. The frosting was already melting on her tongue but the process was so much faster with the amber swirl of syrup mixed in. It dissolved on its own and chewing was hardly necessary but her teeth crunched into a small piece of salty smokey bacon and her mouth watered.

"That's amazing." She smiled

"Suck it." Mary whispered, smiling at Peter and nudging Riley's shoulder as he pressed a kiss of defeat to her cheek.

"As if cupcakes could get more unhealthy and more amazing at the same time..." Paige smiled.

"Like the way we dip pizza in that garlic butter sauce?" Riley chuckled and everyone nodded in approval.

Within twenty minutes everyone started standing from the table but even then it was a gradual process. Peter and Sydney meandered over to the entryway counter to pay for the check but Mrs. Brennan seemed to be fighting with them over who would pay. Sadie and Faye were the first out the door and Mary and Riley moved slowly over to the counter too.

"Where does everyone go when you're here?" She asked, pushing her chair back in and taking Paige's hand. "You told me they stay with family or get hotels?"

"Yeah mostly." Paige nodded. "Mary and Riley usually stay at his parents house or get a hotel for obvious reason of wanting more privacy. The girls go to Sadie's friend's house and Peter...well...Sydney lives here so she has her own place. The train is usually quiet."

"Where do you go?" She asked, looking at Paige as they stopped beside the front door. She kept her voice quiet and it wasn't easy beside the bustling voices of everyone else laughing and carrying on. "Where do you go during off-season? When the show stops."  
Paige smiled and pointed out the glass front door. It was dark and hard to see through the tinted glass. "What?" She asked, squinting her eyes as she tried to see.

"Oh hey Peter?" Paige called, distracted briefly and reaching for Peter's arm as he opened the door to walk outside. "We took your car."

"No gum please." He smiled moving his eyes briefly to Mary who just smiled. "And no speeding. It's not your bike."

"Its faster." Mary corrected. "I took it out a few times and I chewed my gum while driving." She patted his back and squeezed out the door in front of him. Riley's arm was wrapped around the blue satin on her waist and she still wore her thin black nylon and knee-high black laced boots. Mary stopped halfway through the doorway and turned back to them, holding something out to her in her hand. "You're welcome." She smiled.

"Sorry, Peter." Riley smiled, hugging Mary closer and nearly stumbling over her through the tight doorway, making her laugh.

Her eyes went down to a small yellow pack of juicy fruit gum now in her hand and she heard Peter scoff at Mary as she and Riley disappeared through the door. Her first thought was to be nice and surrender it to Peter so he that wouldn't worry about his car but Paige grabbed her free hand too quickly and tugged her out the door after Mary and Riley. The look on her face said she was taking her advice on trying to talk to Mary and she needed to. For obvious reasons the air needed to be cleared because time had a way of making unsolved problems fester under the skin until you were left with nothing but negative emotions. Fear and resentment, sadness, guilt and more pain. Things ignored got worse not better. Ask the seven years she spent denying that there was anything wrong with the way she was living. It almost killed her.

* * *

The parking lot was less crowded with vehicles when she and Emily broke out of the restaurant. The pavement was now drenched in rain but it had stopped already and now the air was just thick and warm. The kind that made breathing hard but that could have just been the worry coursing through her body. Dinner had felt too long and while it was nice seeing everyone the only two people she didn't see daily were Sydney and Mrs. Brennan. Usually more people were there. Riley's dad when he wasn't working late nights or sleeping when he got the rare night home. That would explain why Molly wasn't here either. She usually fought her for coconut cupcakes and then picked at it on her plate because she didn't really even like them. Molly just liked winning and after a minute or two she'd surrender the coconut and snag a strawberry instead. Dinner felt too long because she wanted to be spending time alone with Emily, that was the main reason, but she also wanted to try to talk to Mary and fix what she could. There was so much but the priority was to keep her from leaving first and foremost. She'd lost family before and she clung tightly to the few people she had left now. It might be selfish or wrong but she needed them. All of them and she didn't want to lose Mary. Riley would be gone too and the idea of them not being around was unbearable.

Riley was sitting on the hood of the turquoise car flicking a cigarette, his free hand resting on the thin nylon covering the back of her thigh with her standing between his legs. Her arms were draped lightly over his shoulders but she dropped them and turned her head towards them when Riley's eyes signalled them approaching her from behind. She had been smiling though weakly. She wasn't now. It faded and was replaced with a soft stirring conflict, something in particular that she was fighting her way through. She knew the feeling. Right now and all day she was feeling it too. The feeling of something so important so close to slipping away and it being completely out of her control. It was the reliance on another person to help keep it from being lost. She couldn't keep her family together on her own. She needed them to want it too and if they didn't...she'd lose a lot all over again.

"Please don't tell me you're really trying to leave all of this." She breathed, swallowing back the dryness in her throat as Mary turned from Riley's grasp to face her completely.

"I wasn't planning on telling you that." Mary shook her head lightly. Her words were soft and so were Riley's green eyes and that only made the idea of losing them that much more painful and possible. They were a few of the only people left that still looked at her that way. He ducked his head away now and refused to meet her eyes, focusing on the lit cigarette in his hand. "Paige I just..."

"Good because you can't leave." She said surely. "We need you guys." pain came again when she imagined the stillness on the train that would come from them both being gone.

"Paige...I almost fucked up a lot for you." Marley argued. "Hitting Cassie ...i just. It could have blown up in my face and you would have been the one to take the heat from it. The show..." Mary squeezed her eyes shut it concentration.

She'd seen Mary in a lot of moods but she'd never seen her stumble over her words before. Not once. The girl was made with a built-in response for everything. She always had something to say without having to plan it or think it through. Something was wrong.

"Fuck...even my stunt with Peter probably broke rules not to mention safety violations from dancing on electrical equipment and then just me being a complete bitch to you and him."

"But its fine Marley it..." she cut her words off because Mary flinched at her using her name. It was a look of disgust but she couldn't tell if Mary intended it for her or for herself. It wasnt the pressing topic right now though. "You didn't mess anything up for me or for the show and either way it would have been my fault. I let Cassie get her foot in the door to hurt you and I let her have that power over me."

"Cassie isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. What she said about me...didnt hurt me Paige. It's just background noise and nothing I havent heard before. The _last_ thing that would hurt me is something coming from her mouth. But what she did to you..." Mary shook her head and she could see her jaw tense. Her failing to find words again formed a knot in the pit of her stomach.

"She did it to me though, Mary. I'm over all of it because I've had four years to get over it." Mary flinched again and this time she took a step back, recoiling at her words. She just got more worried and the knot in her stomach tightened painfully. Mary was doing everything she'd _never_ seen her do before today and she felt desperate now and weak at the same time. "You can't just leave."

"Mary?" Mrs. Brennan appeared oblivious to their conversation and handed Mary a set of keys before turning to rejoin Peter and Sydney under the restaurant awning.

"What are those for?" She asked, eying the keys with a soft purple rabbit's foot and a state key chain hanging from the metal loop.

Marley looked down at them in her hand and sighed "She had a few drinks so I'm driving her and Sydney back home. I think we're crashing there tonight. Riley and Peter are gonna stay here a little longer with his car."

"Oh." She nodded. Her stomach sank when Riley stood up from the hood of his car. Desperation kicked in even more. "Can we talk about everything?"

"Yeah." Mary nodded, moving away from them with Riley to join his mom, Sydney and Peter. "Yeah later though.. k?" She nodded weakly.

"Okay."

"What times the train leaving tomorrow?" Mary asked, making a backwards pace.

"Five." She replied, squeezing Emily's hand who stood quietly at her side and finding relief when she returned the pressure. "You'll be there?"

Mary nodded. "Yeah." Her blue eyes lingered on them for a moment then she turned away, the warm wind kicking up chocolate curls down her back.

It took her a few moments before she could relax enough to move. Riley moved to open the restaurant door, waiting for Peter who wrapped Marley in a hug to say goodnight. Her body tried to relaxed at seeing Peter holding her and giving the comfort she herself wanted to give but something kept her from finding solace in the gesture. She did however find comfort in Mary saying she wasn't leaving. A large weight lifted from her chest and for the first time in the last two hours she felt like she was breathing again. The thought of the hours before those two had her turning to Emily with a smile.

Feel better now?" Emily smiled.

"Yes." She nodded and pulled her close, breathing deeply into the hair over her ear. "You asked where I go during breaks in the show..." she whispered, pulling back and averting her eyes up. Emily followed her gaze to a brick building behind the restaurant parking lot, only half height to the cities few skyscrapers, if they could even be called that. Compared to Rosewood they were big.

"You stay up there?" Emily asked. "A hotel?"

"No." She shook her head and took Emily's hand. "My loft."

The smile widened on Emily's lips. "You have a loft?"

"I don't live on an empty train all winter." She chuckled. "Though I do sometimes just for a night or two."

"I would too." Emily nodded. "It would definitely be something I'd miss already and I've been with you guys for a week."

She pulled Emily closer and wrapped her arm around shoulder as they walked to the entrance of the building. Sadly she spent more than one or two nights on the train alone when it stopped. Mary and Riley stayed around his parent's or traveled and Peter was always with Sydney and Riley's family too. She'd come here to the loft sometimes but mostly the train in the sheltered confines of its warehouse was where she could usually be found. She was close to Stella that way and close to work projects. She could get lost in managing the stables and the tiger enclosure or be found inside the tent making repairs or upgrades to outdated equipment. The office still had paperwork to file and sign and bills to pay. So basically she had nothing outside of work so that's where she stayed. She loved all of it but the idea of taking Emily to a place more solid and stationary made her finally feel like the show wasn't the most important thing in her life. At least...it wasn't the only thing.

The lobby was small and warm with raw marble floors and rustic brick walls. The ceilings showed exposed metal air vents and piping in warehouse fashion. It wasn' the most elegant in the city by far but it wasn't the worst either. The neighborhood was artsy and full of exhibits and small coffee shops and bookstores. There was a sushi place on the next street up that was basically like Subway. Chose your way custom style ordering. One of her favorites. The only reason she got this place was to keep everyone from wondering where she stayed during off-season. If they thought she was here they wouldn't bother trying to find her at the grounds where she really was.

The elevator opened them up to the S level. It went by letters instead of numbers which was probably just to be clever and original but it wasn't thought out very well because there were only twenty floors. Part of her wanted to stick post-its up for the missing letters because something about it was annoying to her.

"I don't really have a lot here." She reached into her back pocket for her small ring of keys, her heart nearly sinking when the thought of them being lost out in the field unwillingly crossed her mind. They were still safe in her pocket though along with the car keys. "There's no food but I might have bottled water and possibly a Snickers bar in the freezer from five months ago."

"Good thing we ate already."

It felt weird saying that out loud. Time. How much of it was spent moving. She loved it obviously but it was still weird to say that she hadn't been back to a permanent residence in so long. The small spider plant she had in the window ended up at Riley's. The idea of it dying when she'd been the one to buy it made her sad. Poor plant didn't pick its owner so why should it have to suffer. Four years later and it was thriving in Mrs. Brennan's kitchen window.

She slipped the key into the dark wood door and held it open for Emily, flipping a switch beside the door and bringing light into the space. It was just a studio. Rich dark wood floor that were nearly black and exposed brick with the giant windows running the length of the one outside wall. The ceiling still showcased exposed vents and piping but the ceiling itself was white-painted pine. The windows were the best part but everything else was mostly bare. The only door was in the far back corner where the bathroom was. She had a bed centered over by the window and a small kitchen with a bar counter area to the right of the entryway. On the left were two couches and a TV along with a small bookshelf and fireplace. Rugs were necessary though and some of the only decorative items in the room. In the winter the floors got cold so plush rugs helped ease that discomfort.

"This is great." Emily smiled. "Do you just pay rent on it year round? Even when you're gone or..."

"No, its mine." She moved away from Emily's side to dropped both sets of keys to the counter top.

"Its yours?" Emily arched her eyebrows and looked around.

"Yeah."

It really made no sense why she rarely used the studio. The train in off-season was in its warehouse so it was warm but the temperatures couldn't be adjusted. If it was warm it was warm and if it was cold she'd steal blankets from other rooms and bury herself. The temperatures didn't usually fluctuate too much for it to be uncomfortable. Luckily she'd thought to put in bathrooms for the performers in the costume warehouse and they housed stall showers to wash makeup off. Driving back here to shower everyday could get annoying fast. Usually she'd spend the weekdays on the grounds and then take a two or three-day weekend to rest up here. Something relaxed in her body right now. It was one thing seeing Emily on the train which was her home more than any other place but...seeing Emily standing here was something else. She could see them so clearly in a world without the show. She could see Emily here with her long after this night.

"Do you wanna stay here?" She asked. "For tonight? We don't have to go back to the train yet if you don't want to."

Emily's eyes darted down over her dress and she shrugged. "As long as you don't mind me wearing this all night."

She smiled and bit her lip as she moved closer to Emily. "I do mind actually." She whispered, tucking a piece of Emily's hair behind her ear and letting her eyes fall down over the coral covering her chest. "But...I have some clothes here and the girls already pointed out that we're pretty much the same size."

"Okay because I don't think this would be very easy to sleep in." Emily smiled.

"You're not allowed to sleep in that regardless." She shook her head and nipped lightly at Emily's bottom lip until she heard her breathing falter. "I don't want grass in my bed." The hand she expected shot up to shove her but she stepped back and laughed. "Always so pushy." She teased and turned towards a small dresser beside the bed, pulling open the second drawer and looking at Emily. "Take your pick. You can have the first shower. There's towels and soap in there already." She pointed to the door in the corner beside the last window and stepped back to sit on the edge of the bed so Emily could pick something to wear. Mostly it was just t-shirts and shorts and a few pairs of flannel pants.

"Why do I get the first shower?" Emily asked, reaching around into the drawer.

She shrugged. "Why not the first? You're the guest here and I'm just being myself."

"Your chivalrous self?" Emily smiled, her hand freezing its movement through fabrics. She could see Emily's eyebrows furrow slightly and her swallow hard but her eyes stayed away from hers. "I mean...why does there have to be a second?"

Her throat tightened now and her lips fell open to speak but it was hard. Of course the possibility of touching Emily again was in the forethought of her mind but it was still one of those things that didn't seem real. It happened and it was beautiful...amazing...perfect. It's like her mind didn't want to let her fully believe that there was the possibility of it happening again. It was all too good to be true and yet it was true.

"Ther.." she cleared her throat and stood up from the edge of the bed. "There doesn't have to be." She stepped closer and Emily dropped her hand from the drawer, foregoing it all and breathing softly.

She reached for Emily's hand and her heart raced the moment the heat of her fingers made contact. She could still feel Emily's body tremble under her touch and the scent of her skin made her weak. Meeting her eyes questioningly she found only certainty in Emily's. She was nervous all over again and she could see that Emily was too but it faded the longer she touched her, locking their fingers together and taking slow steps across the room. It was almost as if she expected Emily to change her mind. Old habits die hard but Emily didn't pull away.

The bathroom was small, still bigger than what she had on the train but instead of the tub and shower there was a free-standing shower with a glass door and slate stone walls in a blueish gray color. It was probably large enough for four but just noting that detail twisted her stomach into tighter knots because she just wanted Emily with her and the approaching moment made her heart beat faster. She moved to flip the light on the wall and brighten the room but the moon made everything glow already and Emily stopped her hand, turning her around to face her and intertwining their fingers in the air between them.

She could see Emily tense her jaw slightly but quickly her lips parted to allow the escape of shaking breath. Emily's fingers slipped away from her and moved to buttons on her shirt, sliding the white and red velvet jacket from her shoulders and letting them fall to the floor together. She held her breath as Emily brought her hands to flat of stomach, dragging her fingers lightly up her sides and spreading goosebumps across her skin, watching them rise. She moved to stop the traveling of her hand over the red clinging to her left breast, holding Emily's hand firmly there in her own and forcing her to meet her eyes again. The beating in her chest was only for her and she wanted Emily to know that.

"Em?"

"I'm happy." Emily whispered softly. The melting of her eyes told her it was the truth. She could always find what Emily was feeling in her eyes. More beautifully she knew she played a part in making Emily happy. There was a tremble on her lips and the moonlight through the window made the goosebumps on Emily's arms visible in the darkness. She took a step back and opened the glass shower door to turn it on and within seconds steam was filling the room. She wanted the goosebumps on Emily's skin to be gone and more importantly she wanted to the one make them disappear.

She reached around to unclasp her red bra and dropped it to the floor before tugging off her jeans and boots, the long strands of her hair tickling across her chest. Her eyes closed and she forced a deep breath before looking at Emily standing motionless behind her. Her hands were locked together in front of her stomach but her eyes were drinking in her body and not one second of her gaze made her feel anything but loved. She stepped closer and took Emily's hand, turning her away from her and running her fingers slowly over the zipper of the coral dress, tugging it down and letting it fall to the floor. Her hands made easy work of the strings on the corset but she kept her touch feather light and it soon fell too leaving only pale blue lace around her hips. Running her hand up the warm skin of Emily's back she brushed her hair from her shoulder and brought her lips to her neck to kiss softly. As soon as she lifted her lips to kiss again Emily turned, catching her off guard and melting into her mouth instead. She gasped into Emily's parted lips as she was walked back into the shower. One of Emily's hands pressed into her hip and the other cupped her cheek to deepen the kiss. She broke away from Emily's lips and gasped again as hot water poured down her back and prickled against her skin. The heat from the water and Emily's tongue sparked her fever to push back, to touch her the way she had earlier and to maybe never stop. The release of Emily's body under the strokes of her tongue replayed in her mind all night. Since the moment it happened it hadn't left her thoughts. The first time her fingertips ran into the heat of her body.

She moved into Emily now, pinning her gently into the blue slate wall and bringing her hands to clutch at the now drenched lace clinging to her hips. She worked them down slowly, not allowing herself to breathe or break away from their kiss. Emily Fields loved her, half a country away from Rosewood and an entire world away from everyone else. This apartment that she never really used was a place she never expected Emily to be but what surprised her was how good she looked here, how natural it felt to have her here. Every time she was here alone it felt wrong, like she was missing something. She'd always chalked it up to being caused by her being here alone and maybe that was still true but not just any person could fill the missing piece in her life. She'd been down that road and failed. It had always been Emily for her. The gold 'E' hanging around her neck was proof of that and she'd never once doubted it. It was just so impossible...until it was the most possible thing in the world.

"Emily." She whispered against her lips, reaching to pull her thigh up as she pressed her into the warm stone wall. Saying her name somehow made it more real that she was here.

She pulled away from her lips to look at her. The ends of her raven hair were wet now and clinging to her neck and the tender skin there was calling her. It was like the water running down her neck had been the first she'd seen in her life and throat felt too dry. Her lips found the spot behind Emily's ear and she could feel her relax under her tongue as Emily gasped and brought her hands up into her hair to hold her close. She could stay in this spot, the pulse of Emily's neck beneath her lips and the scent that came from the water soaking her hair and other parts of her body. Perfume in the steam.

"Paige..." She felt Emily's lips press into her hair, breathing deeply. "Please touch me."

Her whole body caught on fire at the pure need in Emily's voice, her body begging in the form of words. She nipped lightly at her ear and pulled her thigh up higher around her hip, bracing Emily against the wall and snaking her fingers to meet with the heat between her legs. The water was hot but nothing compared to the flame of Emily's body and fire that was fueled when she let out a soft moan in her ear. She moved in soft circles over Emily's flesh, feeling the tension forming beneath her fingertips with each stroke. She didn't have to press. The softest brush of her finger made Emily tremble, her body already so sensitive from their first time. The smooth arousal of Emily's body made her smile because she was responsible for it. Emily was thinking of her, wanting her.

The taste of Emily's skin made her mouth water as moved her lips across her jaw. The steam in the small space worked into her lungs but it wasn't as hot as Emily's breath against her cheek as she panted, her teeth sunk into her lip and head thrown back against the stone. Emily released her lip when she ended the trail of kisses at her mouth, moaning into their kiss instead.

"Fuck." Emily gasped, her eyes slamming shut as she slipped into her body and curled her fingers in steady strokes.

She moaned too and smiled against her lips, sucking on the tip of her tongue lightly at first then harder. The profanity was in its proper context now and exactly the one she was thinking of the night before.

"I told you I'd work on getting you to say that word more."

Emily smiled and bit her lip again, stifling her urge to cry out and she didn't want Emily to hold anything back. She wanted her completely undone. She pressed her thumb into her and bit her own lip as Emily trembled against the wall, her knees weakening as she moaned and began to shudder against her body. She felt how close she was and it started a pulse between her thighs. She pulled back, stopping her movements for a second to let Emily slip away from the edge and watching her hunger grow in her eyes. When they darkened more a second later she flicked her wrist again and worked her higher just to slow her movements all over again. The sounds leaving Emily's lips threatened to bring her to her knees. Her eyes were in awe over Emily every time her back arched off the stone wall, every time her hips jerked up to meet her hand, craving more.

She continued the curling of her fingers and sunk to her knees before Emily, grabbing her thigh with her free hand and bringing it up over her shoulder to open her more. There was enough light from the window to allow her the sight of water beads running down the caramel of Emily's skin but it was the slicker heat covering her fingers that drew her mouth in. Her tongue slipped forward when Emily moaned louder and the cry that escaped her lips as she rolled over her flesh made the blood through her veins feel like a lit river of gasoline. The sugar of Emily's body was something amazing all on its own. Each extraction of her fingers brought more of the flavor for her tongue to savor and quickened a throbbing between her own thighs. She closed her lips over Emily and pressed the pad of her tongue into firm circles while fingers twisted tightly into her hair. Her thighs twitched slightly and she moved her hands to her underarms and pulled her away, breaking her focus for a moment from being so lost in drinking her in. She was close. Emily wanted her somewhere else and she moved on her own without direction to find out where, licking across her stomach and up to bite tenderly on her nipple before finally finding her lips. The speed of her wrist picked up and she curled her fingers against Emily's body, melting into the curves of her tongue. The cry that escaped Emily's throat in response...the gasp into her mouth was the most sensual and intense sound she'd ever heard.

"Oh God..." Emily exhaled, her voice shaking and her eyes snapping closed while her fingers clutched at the back of her neck. Slowly she rocked her hand with Emily's hip, drawing out her orgasm at its peak until her head fell forward into her shoulder and warmth coated her fingers and trickled down her wrist. A gutteral moan left her own throat as she retracted her fingers slowly, her hand shaking from the intensity coursing through her veins and making her fist clench to hide it. She hadn't been with anyone but Cassie. Their sexual relationship had only gone on for a few weeks but it was different. Detached and distant. She'd never thought of herself as being capable of bringing pleasure so strongly to someone. Someone who loved her and wanted her in all ways she'd never had.

Before she could focus on anything other than the scent of Emily's body in the heavy steam the water was shut off and Emily was holding her hand, stilling the tremble there effortlessly and pulling her from the bathroom past windows showcasing the city lights. She shivered at the sudden change in temperature, water beading down her skin and slightly disoriented from the quick reversal of their roles. All she could see was her girlfriend trembling under a stream of hot water, under her touch.

Emily stopped beside the bed and fell only to her mouth as she pressed her back on to the white down comforter. Securing a hold on Emily's waist she pulled her down on top of her and her stomach knotted again. A fluttering of the blood in her veins as her body anticipated Emily's moves. The way her wet hair dripped down on to her ribcage as Emily straddled her hips and lowered her mouth to her breast. Air was taken from her lungs by Emily's lips wrapping around her nipple, an exhale that made her body ache to have her closer. Her head was spinning already but when Emily brought fingers to roll over her other breast as she bit softly her vision shifted bringing her back arching off the bed wanting more. One hand moved to bury softly in Emily's hair while the other went to clutch at her hip. That was soon taken from her has Emily shifted herself lower, forsaking her breast to kiss a path down stomach. She stopped at the spot on her hip that she seemed to love and it made her smile. Something as small as her thermal shirts exposing it without her meaning to. Emily kept finding her way to that spot and the way she kissed the skin softly made her melt so much more than she thought possible.

The tenderness of her lips distracted her from everything else and pulled her eyes closed, enjoying the heat of Emily's lips lingering in a place she loved. Her lips were so hot that she could still feel them there even after Emily had moved lower, her body aching more. She chanced a look down at her and instantly her eyes closed again as the heat of her tongue pressed into her, heat spreading from her lips. She shivered, the warmth of her breath such a contrast to the air of the room cooling the water on her skin. She felt too hot and too cold and those werent the only things fighting for dominance. Nobody had ever made her feel such a whirlwind of emotion more than Emily did. Nobody came close or ever could. She felt sad at missing out on a love like this for so long, wondering if she'd stayed in Rosewood would she have lost so much time with her, would she have found her sooner. She envied everyone that knew Emily before she did, everyone who knew her light. Those dark silhouettes of the mountains in Rosewood were never Emily. Her skin glowed against the darkness in the room, brighter than the city lights outside the window.

Her hips jerked up as Emily pressed the pad of her tongue in slow circles and thrust her fingers inside of her and she couldn't stifle the moan that left her lips. She moved her hand down to become lost in her damp hair, holding her close and not ever caring to let go. Her body was wound tightly just at the thought of what Emily was doing to her and it seemed to have other plans about her letting go. The primal need surfaced more with each stroke of Emily's tongue until she couldn't feel the rest of her body. She couldn't think. Her skin prickled and burned and a soft buzzing sounded in her ears along with a dryness in her mouth. She swallowed hard trying to wet her tongue but tingling spread through her hips and localized under Emily's lips and while her mouth lacked moisture she felt her body water as Emily's fingers moved with the rocking of her hips. She released Emily's hair, worried of hurting her, her hands moving to clutch at the white fabric beneath her body.

"Em..." she moaned. Tension released under Emily's lips and saying her name made her feel grounded when her whole body was suspended in pleasure. Saying her name pushed her over the edge and had her biting her tongue.

Her lips quivered and movements slowed but her throat tightened without warning. She didn't know why or how but every physical feeling in her body grabbed hold of every emotion she felt and ripped them to the surface at once. She couldn't see through the blurring of her eyes and her heart clenched painfully because Emily was somehow too far away. She wasn't close enough and she missed her. She missed every part of her, how soft she was and her smile. And then Emily was there pressing into her lips and bringing her fingers up to wipe away the tears betraying her. A drop fell from Emily on to her cheek and made her pull back to look at her, fighting away her tears to focus on her only. There was something she wanted Emily to know.

"Hey.." she soothed, cupping Emily's face gently in her hands and pulling her closer. The last thing she wanted was to see Emily cry even if it was for good reasons. "Can I tell you something?"

Emily smiled and pushed back the moisture in her eyes. "Yes." She nodded, her eyes following her hand as it moved to pick up the cluster of charms hanging around her neck.

She singled out the little "E" and held it up to the light coming through the window, pulling Emily down to her shoulder to listen.  
"I saw this at a little shop across the street a few weeks after Cassie left. It was the first time I'd really smiled in a long time and buying it felt like I was putting everything left of myself into false hope so I couldn't get hurt again. I just had no way of knowing that it wasn't false." She felt Emily tighten her arm around her side, hugging her closely and nestling her face under her chin. "It's just metal. It couldn't hurt me the way someone else could but it was somehow still you. I just thought that if I had it it might keep me from wanting the real thing so much. That I'd be happy enough alone just pretending that I had a piece of you." She tilted her head down to press her lips into Emily's hair. "I still wanted you.' Her eyes stung again and her airway was threatening to close in on her. "I always wanted you and this reminded me everyday of what love was supposed to feel like, of what I felt for you without knowing you and what I never felt for Cassie." She whispered. Emily's hand moved to take the tiny letter in her fingers, holding it gently and twisting it to reflect the light. "That day I saw the sale sign on this place and I bought it. It wasnt related or anything, just coincidence but now that you're here it feels like it happened for a reason."

She moved her hand to pull the white comforter over their bodies and she shifted carefully on to her side, bringing Emily closer to her chest. She smiled when Emily tucked her head under her chin and closed her hand tightly over the cluster of charms in her hand, holding them protectively. Her tiny reminders of all the people she loved more than her own life.

"I love you so much." Emily whispered.

She pressed her lips into Emily's hair and squeezed her tighter. "Don't you know that I always will?" she felt Emily plant a soft kiss to her collar-bone and the heat of her lips pulled her eyes closed for a moment.

Her eyes opened slowly to gray light filling the room but they closed again, her body warm under a white feather blanket. The heat wasn't coming from it though, the fabric was simply trapping it around them. Emily's body snuggled up against her chest was the source and arms tightened around shoulders, holding her close. The shallow breaths leaving her lips were rocking her body to sleep again, lulling her under in the most peaceful way. Every night spent holding Emily as she slept seemed to only be better than the one before. It was perfect, every second of it. Her mind kept drifting away from the comfort though, moving in another direction. Something was confusing her, something missing that was trying to tug her away from the sleep she wanted to close in on her again. It was too quiet.

He eyes snapped open. There was no Peter. No knock waking her up and no profanities leaving her lips. "Shit." Well, there were now but she had the forethought to keep it a whisper and Emily's soft breathing continued. The sky was gray outside of the window but too bright to be early morning. She shifted carefully to look at the clock on her nightstand and while her stomach jumped at seeing the time it wasnt worth worrying about just yet. Well...they should probably be leaving within the next hour to make it to the grounds for the train to leave on schedule. The last time she had looked at the clock was as they left Charq's and it had been after midnight then. She smiled at everything that followed them arriving here. Even afterwards she must have spent an hour just watching Emily sleep. It was three in the afternoon now and they were supposed to leave at five.

Slowly she shifted against Emily's body and brought her fingers up to brush her hair from her face. Her lips were in the cutest pout and she couldn't keep herself from trying to soothe it away with her own. It wasn't hard. Emily stretched against her and smiled into her mouth as she stirred awake in her arms, pulling back to look at her. Her brown eyes were bright when they opened after a few seconds but darkened almost instantly as her hand ran up the bare skin of heer back to be lost in auburn hair. So quickly her eyes changed again and she shot up in the bed.

"What time is it?"

"Time to leave...soon." smiled sitting up beside her to brush the hair from her shoulder, planting another kiss, lingering and hearing Emily draw in a sharp breath.

Emily eyed her skeptically. "Soon?"

"Yeah we should probably go now." She sighed pulling herself from the bed and moving towards the dresser to open the top drawer. "I don't know what you usually wear." She frowned, sifting her hands through the different fabrics. "Sadly I don't think there's a lot of lace."

"What do you usually wear?" Emily asked, pulling herself from the bed to join her.

She shrugged casually and pulled open the bottom drawer for a pair of jeans, slipping her legs in and working them up over her bare hips. "Just these." She smiled, fastening the button.

"Nothing?" Emily arched her eyebrows playfully.

"Not nothing. Denim." She corrected and bent down to grab another pair of jeans and held them out to her. "Accept the challenge." Her smile widened when Emily took the jeans from her without hesitating and she couldn't keep from watching as Emily pulled them up the length of her legs, biting her lips sadly when the zipper covered the area she wanted kiss again. "Fuck." She mumbled, making herself pull her eyes away from Emily's body to focus on finding a bra and shirt instead.

"What?" Emily smirked.

"Yeah ummm...you're gorgeous." She smiled, shrugging nonchalantly and clipping a black bra over her chest before pulling out a red tank top.

"You've looked at yourself, right?"

Her cheeks blushed as she smiled and tugged her shirt down her sides before she turned to Emily, still topless in just her tight jeans, running her fingers up her sides and brushing lightly over her breasts. Her lips nipped over Emily's collarbone. "I...love.  
..you."

Emily's breathing faltered as she moved her mouth lower, her fingers moving to get lost in her hair as her lips reached her nipple to bite softly. There was nothing sweeter than the smell and taste of her skin...nothing warmer. A whimper left Emily's lips when she rolled her tongue over her and she felt her fingers combing softly through her hair. It did nothing but send a shiver across her skin and jolt between her thighs.

She felt Emily's lips press against the top of her head as she whispered. "Don't start what you can't finish."

She pulled back to look at her now. "Time me?" She challenged.

"No." Emily shook her head surely. "I want you to take your time."

Her mouth felt dry at the thought of spending hours or days just..."We can miss the train. They don't really need us."

"I just started with the show." Emily shook her head firmly. "Theres no way I'm giving it up."

She sighed and gave up, ducking her head and stepping away. She had to back track to the bathroom to find her boots. After she slipped them on she picked up Emily's ballet flats from the floor along with the coral dress and corset and her own clothing because she'd need the velvet. Her eyes landed on the small delicate piece of lace laying on the stone floor of the shower. She swallowed hard remembering Emily panting against the wall. She couldn't leave them there. Bunching them up in the dress she exited the bathroom and grabbed and old stripped shoulder bag from a hook beside the front door, stuffing everything inside and turning to hand Emily her shoes. Her eyes landed on her leaning against the kitchen counter smiling. An emerald-green thermal clung to her chest and she made a note to apologize to Emily daily for torturing her with those damn shirts. It hadn't been intentional but it didn't matter. The bottom hem was pushed up slightly off her hip and it was torture. There wasnt a better word for it. Beautiful...but still torture. A place so teasingly close to the moisture of her body and it was almost unbearable.

"Ready?" She cleared he throat and grabbed both sets of keys from the counter.

Emily nodded slipping into her shoes. "I like it here though."

"Then just promise to come back with me." She smiled and it only widened when Emily nodded in agreement.

The air outside was warm but still heavy from a night of rain and the sky was completely gray. Fog hung heavily across the ground and she held on to Emily's had to keep her from tripping over the curb into the parking lot. It was thick. So much so that she relied on the remote start on Peter's car just to find it. This was the first time she'd ever felt sad leaving the loft. Solace was always found on the moving train and maybe it had been a long time coming that she found it in a stationary place. Emily gave her that. Emily gave her Lincoln again and she could smile now thinking about the next time they'd get to be here together. Imagining what it'll be like, how much stronger they'll be. It was a good feeling in a place that hadn't felt good in a long time.

"About time." Peter smiled, holding out his hands for his keys as they stepped out of the car in the warehouse. "Almost missed the train."

"We have an hour." she rolled her eyes, slapping the keys in his hand and taking Emily's hand to start a quick pace out of the building. "What's left to do? Are we waiting on anyone?"

"No." Peter shook his head lightly and looked at the keys in his hands. "We're all set. Ready when you are."

"Ember and Stella?" She asked.

"They're already on the train." He smiled, shoving the keys in his pocket. "Ember seems a little put out to be taken from the fields though."

"Him and I both." Emily frowned, glancing over longingly at the gold fields.

They looked so bright against gray sky and she felt Emily's pain at leaving them behind. She squeezed her hand reassuringly but her eyes stung because she wanted to pack them up and bring them too of only to keep Emily from looking so sadly at them.

"We'll be back." She whispered, bringing Emily's hand to her lips to kiss her knuckles as they walked.

"I know." Emily smiled and squeezed her hand back. "I'm excited to be back on the train with you and everyone else. Are we playing strip maiden again?" She teased. "I was hustled last time."

"Just me and you?" She asked. "Or with everyone? Because I prefer just us."

Peter groaned uncomfortably beside them and quickened his pace, trying his best to excuse himself from their conversation and leaving them to laugh after him.

"All aboard?" She smiled, jumping up into the platform of the commons car and tossing her shoulder bag into the room before turning to offer Emily her hand.

"I feel like we're leaving something." Emily sighed, looking over her shoulder at the tent and gold fields surrounding the outskirts.

"We are." She nodded. "We left our mark on those fields and on my bed and in my shower." Emily smiled now as she nodded in agreement and took her hand, allowing her to pull her up beside her. "You told me you loved me here." She smiled locking Emily's fingers in her own.

Emily smiled proudly. "And you love me too."

"I do." she nodded. "So we'll be back. I promise."

Emily's smile widened as she looked out at the grounds again. The engine rumbled beneath their feet and her hand shot out to shield Emily from the drop to the ground. The train needed a few minutes to get the engine hot enough and Emily seemed to want to keep her eyes on the fields as long as she could. Every passing minute the urge to jump back to the ground and pull Emily out into the grew stronger. The desire to be with Emily and her family was only thing that pushed it from her mind. One day they could have forever here.

* * *

**_I pull the turquoise car into the gravel lot and let the engine die, letting my head fall back into the headrest for a moment as I take a deep breath. The thoughts going through my mind since dinner last night have only solidified more and I'm not sure where to begin but I promised myself I'm going to try. If there's anything I'm learning, albeit slowly, is that I need to be more honest with myself. I can't be good for Riley or Paige or anyone if I can't even be honest with myself first._**

**_Sighing I choke back the tightening in my throat and climb from the car to sit on the hood of the car, pulling my boots up to rest on the bumper and wrapping my arms around my knees to keep them there. Riley is back at his parents house packing his stuff for us to leave and I told him I'd be back soon. I needed to think and evaluate my choices and I'm trying. I force myself to ignore the worry I saw on Paige's face last night because that's not why I'm here right now..this parking lot. This is about me. But even now I'm fighting it because I don't want it to be about me. I want this to be someone else and thats wrong of me. I don't want the memories in my head and I wish I could burn them all out sometimes and watch the glowing embers fade into the air the way my breath is now. _**

**_My muscles tense at seeing the wisps of white fog swirling as my breath stirs the air. _****_My stomach clenches at the fog swirling across the ground and I hate that it has that effect on me. I can see the shadows of trees poking through it at the corner of the lot and they make my eyes sting because I remember a time when I had loved them. I want them back. I'm not sure I'm ready for the changes I need to make but that's the point...I need them. My eyes go to the bruising around my knuckles and a tear falls without my consent but I ignore it along with the pain shooting through my hand. Its my biggest reminder now and every time I look at it I'm forced back into a nightmare. I think Riley voicing his anger about my hand yesterday was the biggest slap in the face. One that I needed desperately. Its time for my story, one I never wanted but one that I got regardless. The day is crystal clear even ten years later._**

**_Sunday morning, December 5th and don't be shocked that I remember that detail. It's not a holiday, aside from the biblical sense, businesses aren't closed but I remember it all the same. Things like that day don't just go away no matter how much you beg them to and I promise I've begged to forget it every day since. My hand moves to wipe another tear streaking my cheek._**

**_Please don't leave me through this._**

_I've been laying in bed for over an hour just staring at the ceiling, not even sure why I'm awake so early when usually I'm excessively late pulling myself from the warm sheets to the point where I'm getting dressed as I run down the hallway. I need my own personal alarm clock and enjoy sleeping but don't most teenagers? This morning is different. My eyes opened suddenly and they just failed to close again. My room is quiet, dark and as minutes pass I watch the walls turn from black to gray, only listening to the sound of breaths softly leaving my lungs. I could be floating now, drifting with each rise and fall of my chest, my body so relaxed and at peace that I don't dare move so as not to lose the feeling by forcing blood to pump faster through my veins. The stillness feels good._

_As the room lightens the shadows of trees appear and I'm lost to how beautiful they look cast upon the blue walls, like my own personal forest at night in the warmth of the my bed. Natural shadows have always looked beautiful to me. Silhouettes of people or birds or picket fences back-lit by the bright sky. The trees are my favorite. You can't see the details only the simple lovely form. It's the details that have the ability to hurt you, the things that make up the shape, not the form itself. At least when it comes to people that's true. Branches and sharp rocks would obviously have a hard time hurting you on their own without help from another force._

_A knock sounds on my bedroom door and I realize the trees have faded away completely, the walls too light to pick up their projection anymore._

_"Yeah?" I call, smiling softly as I climb out of bed and walk over to my dresser._

_The smile is there due to weekend that's still in progress. Likely by tomorrow morning I'll be groaning instead, protesting the sun and cursing AP English at six am because I'll be out of bed by four. The downside to getting grades beyond my years and striving to make something of myself. My passion isn't there though. I could read literature and write all day but my passion follows first period...straight into concert choir and theatre. It's just a matter of staying awake and getting to the parts of the day that I love. I'll get to that place someday. Coffee helps._

_"You're working today, right?" Lexi smiles, slipping through the door and closing it safely behind her._

_I nod and slip out my shorts and into a pair of jeans, jumping slightly to work them up over my hips. The denim is stretchy and for some reason they're even harder to get off but I love them._

_"Yeah, at nine."_

_Glancing over at the clock on my nightstand it's just after seven but I have a few stops planned before work and one of them Lexi wouldn't approve of so I keep my answers short._

_"It looks cold out. " Lexi notes, walking over to my window to peek out. She's still dressed in her flannel pants and fitted t-shirt with her brown hair pulled into a messy bun. "Do you want me to drive you? I don't have anywhere else to go today so you could always take the car yourself if you want."_

_Lexi and Ben Harper are my foster family right now and have been for the last year. It's the longest I've ever stayed with a family. To give you an idea my second longest duration with a family was 9 months when I was ten.. the third longest...just 6 months when I was four. They're the first couple that's taken me in with a child of their own and for some reason that gives me hope. I've been in the system officially since I was a few months old and the time spent between families consisted of me being shuttled around between homes. There were too many to count or try to remember so if I was somewhere less than a month I don't even bother counting it. Do the math. Taking into account my longest times with potential families and the fact that I've been moved around for fifteen years...that's a lot of homes. So much so that sometimes the idea of walking across the room is nauseating. The stillness is always welcome and since I've been with the Harpers I have no desire to move while at the same time I feel like I have to. Stillness is me getting comfortable and settling in and if I keep moving, staying busy with school and work, then maybe it won't be as noticeable when the home changes again._

_"No, I'll walk." I smile lightly and walk to my closet, pulling out my favorite midnight blue button up covered in tiny white stars. They look like dots unless you look closely and then its easy to make out the points._

_"Marley, it looks like its freezing out there." She argues, crossing her arms over her chest and giving me the stern parental look. Most teenagers probably hate that look but I love it. Most teenagers don't realize how blessed they are to have people in the world that care about them and want them safe and warm. I appreciate every second of it because tomorrow it could be gone. "Maybe Cole could drive you at least?"_

_"He could but then I might as well drive myself or have you drive me." I point out. "I like walking."_

_I walk over to my mirror and smile at her soft sigh of defeat. My hands go instantly to the array of makeup and pick out a brown eyeliner, applying a thin line around my eyes and switching it out for a bronze shadow. I'm not lying to her. I enjoy the fresh air. It just happens to work to my advantage that I like walking because I also don't like relying on them to go out of their way to drive me. I know they have no problem with it but its become my habit to try and not bother anyone because part of me is always going to be afraid that there will come a time when I'll ask too much and be given up on again. I walk, I get good grades and I work to save money. One day I'll be more on my own then I ever have been and I'm trying to prepare for that._

_"Okay well, when you see Cole at work tell him we need to have him over for dinner again soon." She smiles and stops by my door, turning back to me with her hand frozen on the door knob. "Are you hungry? I'm gonna make breakfast so if you have time..."_

_"I was just gonna pickup coffee on my way to work" I look at her apologetically. "I don't have to though, I can eat here."_

_"No don't." Lexi insists, shaking her head firmly. "Breakfast anywhere is better than the captain crunch I was gonna offer you, even just coffee." She winks. "I need to go grocery shopping."_

_"Do you want me to pick up anything after work?" I ask, rolling a pink gloss over my lips._

_Lexi chuckles and opens the door. "No, you're walking remember? You wouldn't be able to carry food for the whole army. I'll go later."_

_Her footsteps disappear down the hall and I'm not far behind her but I stop by the window first to look out and smile. Everything is steaming from the cold. The ground is covered in a thin layer of fog twisting into the air and sky looks orange from the sunrise. Its unearthly and beautiful, peach in color but hidden by the veil of white. My smile widens because I can see the bare tree branches poking through in their gray silhouette form, back-lit by the amber light._

_Its quiet when I reach the kitchen and my eyes fall on Lexi smiling by a pot of coffee. Its mischievous and instantly my body tenses as she gives me a slight nod. Knowingly I look around and duck my head to look under the dining room table. Nothing. Moving quietly I walk into the kitchen, an attempt at being oblivious to the little girl I know is hiding somewhere. She loves hiding and especially loves trying to surprise me._

_"Okay, I'm running late." I sigh and smile at Lexi. "I'll see you after work?"_

_"What time are you off?"_

_I turn to see Ben coming down the hall, struggling with his tie. It looks fine to me but I hear Lexi place her coffee mug on the counter and reach for it, a slight crinkle between her eyebrows as she straightens it more. He works down at the social services office but he doesn't handle my case. Conflict of interests. He handles more severe cases. Runaways that take to the streets and children facing abuse in their homes, not children who were simply given away. He works weird hours too. Sometimes he's called in and gone in the middle of the night to remove a child from their home. It leaves me with mixed feelings when I hear the pager beeping. I'm happy that a child is being pulled out of a bad situation, relieved that they're being saved but it's saddening because it's another family that's falling apart._

_"Two." I reply. "It's a short shift and then I'll be back here to study."_

_"You can call this home, Marley." Ben gives me a pointed look but his eyes are soft. "Not 'here'."_

_"Yes but if I say 'home' in this context it kinda sounds like I'm referring to a place other than where I'm standing right now." I raise my eyebrows. "It sounds like I'm suggesting that 'home' is somewhere else. Right now...I'm here." I point to the floor where I'm standing and Lexi chuckles under her breath, and nods. "Which just so happens to be home also."_

_"AP English." Ben sighs, shaking his head with his brown eyes twinkling proudly._

_"Common everyday English." I correct, shaking my head with a smile and turning towards the front door. "And I'm not even sure that was even special enough to acknowledge let alone categorize."_

_"How old is she?" Ben asked, looking at Lexie proudly._

_"Seize." I smile over my shoulder._

_Ben's eyebrows furrow. "Seize the day?"_

_"French." I roll my eyes and turn away again. "Sixteen."_

_The cartoons on the TV make me pause by the living room and my eyes fall on the body curled up on the plaid couch with a bowl of cereal. I crinkle my eyes at the colored characters moving across the screen. Half of them look like naked little animals wearing only underwear._

_"What the hell are you watching, Bays?"_

_"Heck." Lexi corrects from the kitchen_

_Bailey turns to look at me and shrugs, his messy blonde hair and blue eyes and his punky gray tank top that flatters his lack of muscle. He's twelve and also a foster child since he was taken from his home at the age of five. He's been here with the Harpers almost as long as I have, ten months and a bundle of male ego and attitude._

_"They won't let me watch MTV so I'm stuck with this shit."_

_"Crap?" I correct questionably, making my voice loud enough to carry into the kitchen for Lexi's ears. I'm trying to be a role model but I fail sometimes. This is me trying. Lexi's chuckle tells me 'crap' is still an acceptable word and my hand flies out to smack him in the back of the head for his choice of words. He just smiles and swats my hand away which earns him another slap for trying to hit a girl. "Watch your damn mouth."_

_Just to be nice I grab the remote from his hands and flip the channel, pressing mute to silence the voices while leaving him to the image of scantily dressed women shaking every part of their bodies. I have to do a double take because I wasnt even aware hips could move like that and the lack of breast support from not wearing bras has me shaking my head in disbelief. Tasteless, not just because of what they're wearing, or not wearing, but because it's so over the top that it looks cheap and trashy. I mess his hair up to call him out on the sly smile on his face as he watches and then turn towards the coat rack beside the door and pull down my suede jacket. Its plum in color and lined with warm white fleece and after I zip it up I pull on my knit hat, spreading my brown curls over my shoulders._

_"Smile!"_

_There's a flash of light from a digital camera and my vision blurs. I almost trip over a pile of shoes on floor as a little body crashes into my legs from behind the other coats._

_"Good hiding spot." I smile, scooping her up into my arms. Or at least trying to. She's six and getting too heavy for me to pick up so easily. Her legs just end up dangling awkwardly instead of wrapping around my waist. "Best little photographer...but I gotta go. I'm running late." I kiss her cheek._

_"Gracie, breakfast." Lexi calls._

_She wiggles from my arms and runs towards the kitchen, her short brown hair tucked behind her ears and camera in hand. Her socks don't match, one blue and one red with polka dots and she skids on the hardwood floors intentionally. Sometimes we all spend hours sliding across them in our socks and striking different poses while Ben and Lexi laugh take pictures on the couch. But right now, the waiting image of a guy with warm brown eyes makes me move my body faster._

_I slip into a pair of red converse and grab my shoulder bag from the floor then I pull open the door and step outside on to the porch. Its cold but one of those days that look colder than it feels. Looking out the window you'd bundle up expecting the freezing image you see outside only to be surprised that its warmer than it looks and that you've over dressed, more layers than necessary. Its cold enough to see my breath though and I love the little wisps of steam that leave my lips and disappear into air. It's also damp, the kind of cold moisture that soaks through to your bones instantly and brings a chill you won't be able to fight away even hours after you're warm inside again. Your skin feels hot quickly but the cold is much deeper than the surface. Its lingering...fighting to stay there against your attempt to keep it out._

_I make my way down the sidewalk past houses that are few and far between. In upstate New York this is a small town, close-knit just outside of Queensbury, and north of the bigger city of Albany. There should be snow right now but I'm happy there isn't because it just makes walking more dangerous and I already don't feel like a very coordinated girl. _

_The town is between snow falls, the ground still frozen but mostly dry and covered with dead leaves and branches. I turn right at the end of the street and cut through a small unhoused area that's heavily wooded. The debris on the ground is thicker here and its completely shadowed by the tree silhouettes that I love so much. That's why I walk this way and also why I love walking in general. Its beautiful outside no matter the time of year. Red and gold leaves blanket everything and today especially the fog twists up like arms reaching for the orange tinted sky, forming branches of its own to mirror the black ones overhead. I pass a small abandoned shed and after a few feet more I'm back out on to the public street. Another block and I step out on to the main street of the town, edged in tiny shops. There's a small coffee shop on the corner that I make a habit of always visiting and Cole and I end up here a lot after work. Work for us is the small diner on the next street up but I still have over an hour before I need to be there so I plan on picking up coffee and a few muffins before heading to Cole's house. We've spent nearly every waking hour together since we started dating six months ago, outside of me going to classes and studying, but I've known of him for three years. He was in the foster system too and never really found the right place but as of two months ago he turned eighteen and now lives on his own with a friend._

_Twenty minutes later with coffee in hand and a small brown paper bag I step up on to his porch and as usual the front door is unlocked. Small towns have a way of making people feel safe enough to leave them unlocked but for some reason it's never made me comfortable. I lock the door behind me and drop my shoulder bag to the floor. The Harpers love Cole and he's amazing, sweet and polite, but knowing that I come over to his house unsupervised would likely make them uncomfortable for obvious reasons so I keep it between us. I set the coffee and small bag on the counter and pull my suede coat off along with my knit hat, combing my fingers through the long chocolate waves that fall over my chest as I take in the silence of the small house. Its old and slightly rundown, the ultimate bachelor pad but it still warm. Quietly I make my way down the narrow hall and pass his roommates door on the way. It's slightly ajar but too dark to see anything. I can smell the alcohol in the air and the old cigarettes that make me gag. Cole lives with a guy, Nick, that outgrew the system a few years ago. There's a lot of support from the kids that have gone through the same thing._

_I smile as I reach Cole's open door and can't help but stop and watch him sleeping. His blonde hair a mess and the sheets are tangled around his body. He's beautiful and I make myself ignore the smell of alcohol in here too. It's not surprising but I don't like it. The guys basically have their own frat house with other grown orphans. I walk quietly across the wood floors and climb into the bed beside him stirring him awake though I didn't mean to._

_"Hey sexy." He smiles, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer to his bare chest._

_I've touched his skin like this before but it makes butterflies appear in my stomach every time, stirring feelings in my body that are foreign to me but so exciting. He's mine. The smell on his skin is mine and the warmth. I love all of it. The strength in his arms as he holds me close and the safety I always feel when he's running his fingers through my hair._

_"I missed you." I whisper against his neck and bring his brown eyes to look down at me and so quickly he's pressing into my mouth._

_He rolls me over slightly, his weight pressing me down and while I love that feeling I struggle briefly with the taste of alcohol on his tongue. Its forgotten instantly when he breaks away to look at me only to smile and move his mouth to my neck. It's the one place that makes me feel beautiful and loved every time. Vulnerable and wanted from the path he traces with his lips, swirling his tongue gingerly on the tender flesh behind my ear. A hand moves to crease of my hip, gripping tightly. A whimper of surprise is forced from my mouth and it seems to encourage him to push further, his fingers running up my blue button up instead, across my stomach and teasing briefly with my bra before slipping under. I can feel my skin trembling under his touch. I'm nervous every time he touches me like this but we've never gone much further. It's probably more my fault than his but I'm scared. He's been in other relationships before me and I haven't so there's the sense of wanting to wait and the urge to give in because I don't want to lose him. He's never pushed me though and I love him for that._

_He's smiling softly watching my reaction now. My whole body pants as his fingers work gently over my breast, pinching lightly as I run my nails up the muscle on his arms and drag them to wrap around his neck. I tense when his hand shifts down again and his mouth finds mine. He's trying to drown in me, and I want him to, but the only thing I'm aware of is the dragging of his fingers down my stomach and the tugging at the button of my jeans._

_"What are you doing?" I ask between his lips as my hand shoots down to his, stopping the movement over my zipper._

_"Come on, Marley." He smiles, nipping lightly at my bottom lip and making me moan. "You know what I'm doing."_

_I pull away from his lips to look up at him. "But I don't know what I'm doing." I breath. He smiles and takes control of my hand and guides it down between his legs. My eyes slam shut, stopping the air in my lungs. I'm nervous but the feelings in my body make me curious too._

_"I'll show you." He whispers._

_I feel safe with him. I always have but my stomach is in a knot and I can't breathe when my hand runs into the smooth warmth of his body. My muscles freeze as I touch him for the first time, biting my lip to keep it from shaking so much. I panic and pull my arm away._

_"I can't." My eyes are pleading with him to understand._

_He nods and presses a kiss to my lips again, once again drinking me in and rolling the heat of his tongue over mine. I'm familiar with this. I'm comfortable with kissing him and touching him in small ways, even more relaxed now that he seems to understand that I'm not ready to go any further than this. I don't think I'm that far off from feeling ready but I know I'm not ready now. Not an hour before I need to be at work. Not when it feels rushed._

_"I love you, Marley."_

_His voice snaps my focus back to the present and I look up at him with stunned eyes. It's the first time those words have been spoken and it takes me a moment to really hear them and smile._

_"I love you too."_

_He smiles and kisses me more feverishly than before and I'm in love with everything about him, everything about our time hidden away together where no one can see. I could kiss him like this forever and I want to. I'm lost to everything else. Too soon the moment of bliss is gone and my body tenses again at his hand moving under the denim between my legs, pressing into me. I gasp and my hips jerk without my consent because it feels good but at the same time I'm mad that he hasn't heard me, that he's not listening._

_"Cole..." I plead, just a breath between his lips and he instantly tries to stifle my words._

_"Why not, Marley?" He smiles, sucking across my chin and jaw. "You want to."_

_"I said no." My hand moves to press against his chest and at the same time shift his hand away from my body. "Not now. We have to go to work."_

_"It doesn't take long." He argues. "We have enough time."_

_"Seriously?" I snap, breaking away from his lips completely to stare at him. His brown eyes don't seem to register the problem and he just looks annoyed at being interrupted from the track his mind is on._

_"Whats wrong?" He smiles playfully._

_Whats wrong. I repeat that in my head and shift my body out from under him, standing from the bed to fasten the button on my jeans._

_"Nice job, dude." My eyes turn to see his roommate Nick standing tipsy in the door way and I quickly remember the taste of alcohol on Cole's tongue. "Took you long enough to nail the social worker's daughter."_

_My temper boils over in an instant but mostly I'm heartbroken as I turn to look at Cole. His eyes are soft like he's sorry I heard it but then I realize he's not looking at me. He's looking at his roommate._

_"You're just sorry you failed?" I ask._

_"Woah, married couple fighting." The voice in the doorway is mocking._

_"Unbelievable." I shake my head and turn and turn towards the door, pushing past his roommate and heading towards the front door._

_"I want to be with you." He calls after me, slipping into jeans and a shirt as he walks. "Marley, I said I love you didn't I?"_

_"Why though?" I ask, my voice bitter because that's how I'm feeling. "To increase the chances of me sleeping with you? To better your odds?" Its only now that he's standing that I notice the swaying of his body and I realize how drunk he still is._

_"It couldn't hurt to try." He shrugs with an innocent smile. "But no that's not why..."_

_"Yeah." I nod, pulling my jacket on. "Couldn't hurt you to try."_

_His hand shoots out to grab my arm tightly and pull me back, nearly ripping me from my feet as I stumble over shoes on the floor. As soon as I have my footing I yank my arm away and clutch at where he had made contact._

_"Dont." My eyes are angry and betrayed. He's never touched me roughly before in fact he's always feather light so this catches me off guard. It hurts deeper than the possible bruise forming on my skin and as I take a step back...his arm reaches for me again. "Don't ever touch me again." I back step to avoid his hand this time._

_"Way to go. She's gonna tell her dad and get my ass in trouble." Nick shakes his head and turns back to his room. "Fucking idiot."_

_The door clicks behind him and Cole's eyes are demanding and on me now. "Dont tell him, Marley. The last thing I need is the social office checking in on me anymore than they already do. They'll make me move out if they find out we're drinking and Nick will get in trouble too."_

_My mouth gapes at him, dropping open at his priorities. "What? No apology for grabbing me?" I snap and zip up my jacket."You know...maybe you should move out and find a new place because clearly you partying here all night is a bad idea. But this..." I point at him as his body sways again and I know my eyes are showing the confusion and sadness I'm feeling. "This is a whole new level for you, Cole." I'm moving out the door before he can say anything else but it doesn't stop him from appearing behind me as I march across the lawn._

_"Don't be a fucking bitch, Marley." He shouts. "Your so-called family is making you weak."_

_I can feel the tears forming in my eyes because on the same morning 'I love you' leaves his lips the most hateful words I've ever heard from him do too. As I blink against the cold air they spill down my cheek and possibly freeze against my skin. It's a helpless feeling when someone you love changes so drastically and without warning. I can't find a way to pinpoint which feeling is stronger, the feeling of loss or the feeling that it's just first of many today. I want the hurt to go away but I know it's never that simple. I quickly notice the route I've taken without even realizing. I should be going to work at the diner but instead I'm going home. I don't want to spend the whole day waiting tables and especially don't want to see Cole because he's working the same shift. I want to be curled up in bed under my blankets crying in a quiet way that no one else can hear but me. If I can slip into my room without being noticed it should buy me a few hours before anyone realizes I missed my shift and maybe by then I'll have cried enough._

_The sound of a car engine roaring to life startles me and I turn, continuing my fast pace, to see Cole backing his red Ford Ranger out of the driveway and starting in my direction. He could barely walk straight so driving is clearly a bad choice. I falter in my steps slightly. Part of me wants to stop walking and rip him from the truck then proceed to smack sense into him for the bad choices he keeps making today. I can't. I don't want to talk to him or touch him, I don't even want to see him right now. I want time to forgive if I can. I need time to process the mix of emotions passing through me. The heartache at his lack of respect for me and my choices and lack of utter regard for my feelings. I just want time._

_I reach the end of the street before he does and cut into the small wooded area, taking a deep breath once I'm safely hidden under the cover of trees. It's so peaceful here. The silhouettes of branches still beautiful and I relax at just seeing them. The fog is still thick around the small abandoned shed and across the ground and I hear the dried leaves and branches cracking beneath my feet. It should calm me more at hearing the sound but somethings off about it. Its echoing. Each step of mine repeating somewhere behind me and my heart jumps when I figure it out, turning to see Cole coming up behind me. It feels colder outside now, but it may just be the eyes that used to be warm._

_"We have to go to work." His voice is demanding and pushy and it makes me angry that he thinks he can order me around._

_"I don't feel like going." I snap. "Its none of your business. I'll call in when I get home."_

_His hand reaches out to grab my arm again and this time my foot rolls over a stick and I stumble to the ground, the only thing keeping me from falling completely is his grip on me so I bitterly let him hold on to me until I have my footing._

_"What are you doing?" I rip my arm away and try to walk around him but he grabs my jacket again and pulls me back against the side of the shed, pinning me against cold metal._

_His teeth are clenched and so are mine but the difference is the smile in his eyes and the smirk tugging at his lips. I flinch at his breath on my face laced in alcohol, the cold making it visible to me. The thing I notice is the lack of my breath in the air and the way I don't seem to need it. I don't miss it. I'm too angry to breathe right now and I know if I try I'll lose my anger and become terrified instead. This isnt him. My anger is the only thing making me feel brave and strong so I hold on to it like I can feel it tight in my clenched fist and behind my pursed lips. I hold it in desperately._

_"You can't go running to tell that asshole social worker."_

_"You're hurting me." I manage to say this without a wisp of breath leaving my lips because I inhale the words through my clenched teeth as I push my hands against his body, trying to lighten the weight of him holding me tightly against the cold wall._

_"Who cares if I'm hurting you?" He smiles, pressing harder and stilling my struggle. "Do you think that family cares? They don't."_

_It's the words that I fear more than anything because it's the truth that's so possible and real to me. I believe him. How can I not? I've thought this way my entire life. Things always find a way of going wrong for me. Families end up wanting different things than they did when they first took me in. They decide to focus on having children of their own and planning their futures. Their careers, their travels, their lives...not mine. It's just a matter of time and I can never seem to be surprised or hurt when I'm left behind. Its their right._

_"They don't understand us Marley. They've had their cozy little life and what have you had? It's just a matter of time before they either send you away or make you their perfect little daughter...and then what? You'll leave me? Is that what you want?"_

_I can't bring myself to deny his accusations. I don't have it me to lie about the only family I've had just to make him happy. To save myself from him? No. Denying them is denying the love they've shown me and when I've lived so long without it the thought of tarnishing it for any reason is biggest lie I could ever tell. I don't deserve them and I know it and not one part of me is ever going to tell that lie just to make him feel better. He must take my silence as the answer he doesn't want to hear but I don't care. They've done nothing wrong here and he doesn't get to win me this way. I'd choose them before him now and he doesn't need to hear me say it to know that it's the truth. My eyes tell him everything and right now...I hate him._

_"Fuck Marley, you're already spending more time with that bullshit private school that you're never gonna need in your life. Are you gonna follow in daddy's footsteps and rip kids from the only homes they have? Who are you gonna be?" His voice softens suddenly and my jaw tenses at how he changes so quickly, his grip loosening slightly on my jacket. "I love you, Marley. Those people are nothing and you know it."_

_He tries to kiss me but I jerk my head to the side and glare into him out of the corner of my eye, scolding him for even thinking it would be okay now. Kissing is for lovers and I feel nothing for him now. He notices the difference and the change between us that he's caused and he doesn't like it. His hand moves to grip tightly around my jaw, locking it in place and making me look at him._

_"Do you think anyone else is going to want you?" He growls. "I want you more than those people ever will. They have their own kids and you're just their little charity project." His grip tightens on my jaw making me flinch and he smiles as his eyes work down to look at my lips._

_I've gotten used to not having a place and no tie to the people I come from. I'm fine with the latter because how can I want people that didn't want me? Maybe they thought I deserved a better life than they could give me but somehow I find that mentality funny right now. Now, as I stare into the eyes of a man smiling at the idea of hurting me. I wonder if they imagined this or if they would have cared either way. I place images in my head to tune out the smirk on his face, seeing a woman who looks just like me standing up suddenly from her morning coffee like she can sense that somewhere in the world, no matter how far away, the girl she gave away is in trouble. It fades as he shifts his body pressing me into the wall even more and making me flinch again. I can feel the cold seeping through my jacket and soaking deep into my bones, burrowing so far beneath my skin that my body aches. My jaw hurts under his grip and from me clenching my teeth but I refuse to answer him, focusing only on fighting back the stinging behind my eyes._

_"Nobody wanted you before me and the reason I'm with you..." a smile tugs at his lips as he moves his free hand down to pull at the button on my jeans before pushing his hand inside._

_My stomach turns in disgust as acid rises in my throat and I push my hands as hard as I can into his chest, shoving him back and stopping him just before he can touch me. He doesn't falter much. I'm small compared to him and he barely stumbles. Before I can move away he grabs my jaw again, slamming my head hard into metal siding of the shed. The image I see of him, the anger in his eyes, goes black at the blinding pain and I feel sharp damp earth beneath my hands and knees before I even realize that I had fallen. Pain spreads and I feel his hand twist into my hair to pull me back, making me fall to the ground completely and then suddenly I can't breathe. I want to breathe now, to let my anger out in my breath on my terms and feel fresh air move back in but he's denying me. Something as simple as breath. It's not the last thing he'll deny me in this hour. Oxygen is forced from my lungs, stolen as he falls on top of me, pressing me into the sharp sticks and rocks on the ground as though he's using my body to shield himself from the debris. He's protecting himself. I see my anger fade into the air as my breath does. Its gone. I'm terrified now._

_"Cole, stop." I cry out but quickly stop myself, pursing my lips again as he pulled harder on my hair and yanked my head back, attempting to use my plea to gain access to my mouth and I can feel his breath on my face again._

_The scent that used to be sweet now seems putrid and I choke on the tightening in my throat at the smell, bringing my hands up to push him away again. With his weight on me I can't move. As hard as I push it doesn't phase him, it angers him. I used to see movies where fights or struggles would take place and in my head I'd cheer on the victim. Just push him off. Hit him. You're strong enough. Try harder. You'll be okay. I didn't want to learn the truth this way. The sick reality that I never wanted. I'm not strong enough. He's reducing me to a powerless and breaking body beneath his. He's reducing me to nothing while the air escaping his lungs is even and relaxed. I'm scared, I'm hurting, he's calm._

_My fist slams into his temple. I use every ounce of strength have and then panic sets in. They say fear can bring forth hidden strength but it's not the case for me. My body is exhausted already and my head is spinning from the blow to cold steel. Its like nightmares where you're fighting an enemy and trying your best to knock them down, throwing all of your strength to a hit only to land a light touch every time. Without fail there's no result aside from angering your attacker further and its no different now. He grabs my right hand and pins it under his knee at my side, holding it down and digging my knuckles into the cold jagged ground. So effortlessly he's taken way my chance at fighting back and causing more pain in the process from the sticks and debris cutting into my skin. He's denied me my only means of protection. My only weapon._

_"Cole." I plead with him, hoping he'll react to my voice the way he used to, that he'll realize what he's doing and stop. "Please...just look at me." I beg. This isnt him. He's drunk and angry but this isn't him. I want him to look at me with warm eyes again._

_"Shut up." He snaps, squeezing his eyes shut to concentrate. I realize then that my pleas make him feel like he's doing something wrong and he doesn't like that. I don't give up._

_"Cole...please don't." I whimper as I feel hot moisture on my hand from the jagged ground. I know the moisture is red. This time he's not angry._

_"If you're really a virgin then I'm doing you a favor." He smiles. "But I don't think you are. You've just been jerking me around and making me look like an idiot while you go home to your fucking family."_

_He rips at the front of my jacket and pulls a loud cry from my throat because now all of the weight of his body is focused in his knee, pressing my hand harder into the ground. I can feel an unnatural pop of my wrist making my vision blur and for a moment all I see is white. I lose sight of everything, hoping it'll stay that way. That I can fall back into my mind and hide from this, pretend it isn't happening and that I don't know what's coming. The slight shift of his body pulls me out against my will and forces me to stay in the reality that's become mine. The nightmare he's creating just for me. My eyes flicker weakly up to the silhouettes of the trees against the orange sky and I don't love them now. I hate that he's taken them from me._

_His knee moves from my hand, leaving it behind on jagged earth as he moves lower to straddle my thighs. I make myself focus on it, my mind telling my fingers to move but they only fail. My skin is crimson and I can feel the same wet heat at my hair-line above my ear. I focus on the hammering in my head, trying my best to let it over power me and pull me down under a blanket of unconscious thought, to keep me away from the hell he's pushing me into. My fear is too strong to keep me there. Theres no peace to something like this._

_My head is spinning, blurring the world around me but the ripping of fabric brings my eyes to him as he pulls the buttons of my shirt open down the front. The tiny white stars on the blue aren't as beautiful now and I cringe as he tugs my bra down. I can hear the threads of the straps ripping and the pain of them cutting into my shoulders. It feels like wings being stripped from my body and I can see myself losing something important, shifting into the air around me and fading away while I have no way of doing anything but watch it go. His hands twisted into my breasts and they're his now. I cut them off from my body, trying to keep the places he touched separate from the few things I had left that were still mine. I didn't want them anymore. I didn't want anything that he was claiming as his own. He gripped my flesh so hard that I could feel his fingertips digging into my ribs and to say that hurt would be an understatement. I shouldnt have to describe that pain. Its the moment I really felt the tears slide from eyes, mixing with the trickle of red that had already formed a jagged stream down my cheek. He's angry now. His brown eyes are nearly black at the fact that I was crying when I should be enjoying this. As his hand moved to my stomach...I said goodbye to it too. It wasn't mine anymore, he wasn't mine. I belonged to him._

_My lips stayed pursed tightly when he tried to kiss me again, my mouth locked until my teeth screamed sending pain through my jaw. Theres the taste of blood in my mouth but I'm not sure how it got there. I can feel it running down my throat. The desire to save my mouth is the only thing that keeps me from screaming. I know what he wants and I know he won't stop until he gets it and maybe its wrong but I'm hoping that at least this part of my body will be spared from him. Please leave me something._

_I won't be getting up. So clearly I can see myself laying lifeless here on frozen ground, broken, forgotten. I know I'm scared but for some reason I can't react to it anymore. The fear keeps surfacing and then fading away, pulsating like a heartbeat. My mind is working as hard as it can to shield me from whats happening and bring me relief. I can't feel anything and I'm thankful for that. Someone is touching my body and it feels soft though I know it's not, so far away like it's not really me. I feel nothing, and then I do. A knife maybe, stabbing into my body between my legs. My eyes slam shut, forcing more tears, and even behind closed eyes I can tell my vision is fading. The blackness thats drowning me is blurry somehow, shifting in and out and completely unstable. I can hear the cry of pain somewhere nearby, the sound of someone voicing what I feel now. Someones coming to save me from this. There's someone else here. Confusion sets in and pulls my eyes to look for the origin of the sound and as his hand covers my mouth, cutting off the scream, I learn that it was coming from me. It's not a knife in my body...its him. He's denied me my innocence._

_He gasps as he pushes against me and I can't keep my eyes open because of the pain. The ground digging into my back and my legs. I feel cold air hitting my skin like needles but its nothing to stabbing cutting into my body as he gets what he wants. It seems to fade quickly and the heavy black blanket pulls me under more, numbing my body everywhere that it hurts. I focus my thoughts on my hand and the pain is gone on command, replaced by a firm pressure. Tears fall slowly from my closed eyes at the warmth spreading across my hand and I pretend someones with me now. Someones holding my hand through this and I'm not really alone. Time is lost. It could have been days before I hear his voice, maybe it takes me weeks to open my eyes._

_"Oh shit" He looks down between my thighs in disbelief but he's also amused, his breath now ragged and I hate him for what he's done to me. "You were really a virgin?"_

_I'm confused. I know that I am but I don't know what happened to finally convince him of that. I was anyways._

_The tears flow heavier as I squeeze my eyes shut, pain returning to me and forcing movement back into arms and legs. My hand moved to be cradled carefully against my chest as I try to curl my body in on itself, shifting onto my side to keep protected from him in any way that I can. I try to focus on simple facts to keep myself grounded and fight the hurt away. My name, my age, my hair color, eye color. Where I live and where I work, the blood and bruises on my hand. I realize I'm filling out my death certificate and I stop. I should have taken the car. I wouldn't have been walking through here. I could be home. I don't love the trees anymore and the fog twisting from the leaves covering the ground. I don't love anything. I'm numb to him shifting his body off of me and bringing his lips to my ear._

_"Marley, I'm sorry..." He sounds sorry, panicked and remorseful. "Fuck I'm so sorry. Come on I'll take you back to my place. I'll take care of you." He tugs lightly on my jacket but I can't move. "I love you, Marley. I didn't mean to do this...please." His voice is close to tears but that only makes me hurt more. He doesn't know pain or panic. He doesn't know the loss I feel and the extent of all that he's taken from me._

_I can't bring myself to move, shock setting in and weighing me down but my body flinches as he reaches for my hand that I'm shielding against chest, tucked safely under the open zipper of my jacket. He must have taken my silence as me not forgiving him and he was right to but in a blinding light I feel something slam into my temple and everything is gone. He's denied me everything._

_I didn't dream. I didn't see a bright light, just a flash like Gracie's camera. I worry because I know I'm not smiling and don't want to ruin her happy photo with the sadness I'm feeling. I try to smile for her so she doesn't worry. I don't want her to worry. I saw the images of the trees against a darkening sky as blue as my bedroom walls and couldn't keep my eyes from them. They look haunting now, twisting hands reaching for me and I jump as they appear to close in the same way his hands did. My eyes shoot open and pain returns but the breath leaving my lips in tiny white puffs tell me I'm alive. I'm breathing. I wish I wasn't._

_The sky is still bright but its been hours judging by the direction the shadows are now falling on the ground. It takes so long for me to focus through the haze caused by the spinning in my head and half of everything around me looks red, blood running into my eye and it scares me enough to force my body to move. My hand hurts and my head too but the pain is aching somewhere else and as I sit myself up slowly from the ground I remember his shock at looking down between my legs and now I see why. The tears form again until I can't see through them, everything a blurry watercolor as I reach to grab a handful of damp leaves, trying my best to wipe the crimson from my thighs. My hands are shaking. It's not coming off. I tremble as I reach to pull my jeans back up over my hips, cursing the tight fabric now more than ever. It takes everything I have to cover myself and my hand is screaming with every movement I put it through. Somehow I manage to feel sadness when I see the tear in the denim on my thigh, if only to try and forget about the pain through my entire body. It distracts me for three seconds. I counted._

_Clutching at the buttons of my shirt to hold it closed I try to stand to my feet only to fall instantly. I can't feel my legs. They aren't working. I need to move and they're failing me. I need to walk and I can't. My stomach heaves violently as I crash back to my knees, bile rising in my throat and assaulting the leaves on the ground with the contents of my stomach. My hand shoots out to brace myself and keep from falling back to my grave completely. Sharp pain cuts through my uninjured hand now and my eyes manage to pick up the colored pieces of glass nestled among the leaves and jagged rocks._

_My body tenses because I've been so wrapped up in trying to move that I forget who did this to me. I expect another blow from his fist and the attack to resume and I flinch, waiting. Its silent though. He's gone and I'm alone on the cold ground._

_"Marley?" A voice shouts and I panic instantly, terror now something so fresh in my mind._

_He's coming back. I try to pull myself from the ground again, to stand so I can run but I keep falling and every time I fall harder than the time before. Keeping my hand tucked under my coat I can't brace myself as I hit the ground but I can't stop trying. It hurts to much. A male silhouette appears through the fog, still far enough away that I might have a chance so I risk more injury to my hand, using it to shift myself up to my feet and stumble behind the metal shed. I'm crying too much. He's going to hear me. My eyes slam shut and I squeeze them until they hurt, curling my knees up against my chest and tucking my head down to muffle the ragged cry leaving my lips._

_"Marley?"_

_Arms close around me and I scream, my hand flying out to hit him with every ounce of strength I have left and this time I feel the power behind it as my fist crashes into his jaw, sending searing pain shooting from my hand up the length of my arm. I'm somehow met with warm brown eyes and I freeze. My heart racing and there might as well have been a flood gate holding back my tears before. There's so many now._

_It's Ben._

**_A loud whistle pulls me to the stinging in my hand and I realize I'm clenching it too tightly and release the tension._**

**_Where do I start now? Ben found me that day when I needed someone but by that point Cole had already taken them from me. The Harpers were called when I didn't show up for work, my boss following protocol to prevent foster kids from running away. Cole never showed up at work either. I later found out that he made it home only to pass out for hours on his couch while I lay on cold ground in the worst pain I've ever felt. Ben went there first to look for me and by that time the alcohol had worn off enough. He denied knowing where I was at first but I had forgotten something there and Ben noticed. My knit hat laying on floor by the front door. Cole could have denied knowing how it got there and even if he had there was a key somewhere else. My smiling face caught by Gracie's camera before I left the house. He told Ben where to find me. I also learned later that Cole was forced into unconsciousness by Ben's fist. I was lost from the family I wanted. Coles words made that happen. The social worker's daughter was his reason for snapping and while I knew it was wrong I knew part of me would always hear his words when I looked at them. They'd be the reminder everyday and that wasn't fair to them. They deserved more and I was so broken and beyond caring about anything that it was the only thing I could hold on to. The thought that I was sparing them from my nightmare. I moved back into a system where I didn't have a place and I stayed there. _**

**_Another whistle brings my attention to movement a short distance down the hill I'm parked on top of, a small lookout point over the McCullers' property. I feel my eyes sting as I watch the train pulling away and while I know it has to happen...it hurts all the same. The only pain that's tops the loss of my family ten years ago. Paige found me five years ago and I took the opportunity she offered as an escape that I needed at the time. And now? Well, now I need to know that I capable of standing on my own. Paige is the happiest I've ever seen her with Emily now by her side and they'll be okay. The train fading away in the distance is proof that I'm only getting stronger and with Riley by my side, patient and understanding...I have hope that I'll be okay one day too. Its his kiss and my mouth that I've given him. I'm closer than ever at finding myself through Riley. I wipe more tears from my cheeks and slide down from the hood of the car, uneasy at the twisting fog and the silhouettes of the trees. Riley is waiting for me so I have to go._**

**_Love, Marley_**

* * *

**__****Water -Melanie C (Paige & Emily) {I do not own these lyrics}**

I've been waiting all my life to fly so high  
Unbelievable, now the sun is shining in my life  
Every day I want you more, we will endure  
Anything they say, anything they throw away  
Stronger now than yesterday

Feel like I could walk across the water  
Heavenly, there's not a cloud up in the sky  
And I know for you there'll never be another  
So the rain can fall but I would still be dry

I am basking in the light, so wonderful  
I wanna celebrate everything that brought me here today  
As the ocean hits the shore, forever more  
I am by your side, never cross the borderline  
Love you till the end of the time

Feel like I could walk across the water  
Heavenly, there's not a cloud up in the sky  
And I know for you there'll never be another  
So the rain can fall but I would still be dry

And baby when I think of you my heart is open  
And I do believe that things will never change  
Even though our words of love remain unspoken  
I look in your eyes and know you feel the same

I wanna stay here forever  
Your love is making me better  
I wanna stay here forever  
And love you today

I wanna stay here forever  
Your love is making me better  
I wanna stay here forever  
(Yeah-yeah)

I wanna stay here forever  
(I wanna stay here with you)  
Your love is making me better  
(Wanna love you everyday)  
I wanna stay here forever  
(Whoa-yea-yeah)

I wanna stay here forever  
(I wanna stay here with you)  
Your love is making me better  
(I wanna love you everyday)  
I wanna stay here forever  
(Whoa-yea-yeah)

* * *

**__****Broken Girl -Mathew West (Marley) {I do not own these lyrics}**

Look what he's done to you  
It isn't fair  
Your light was bright and new  
But he didn't care  
He took the heart of a little girl  
And made it grow up too fast

Now words like "innocence"  
Don't mean a thing  
You hear the music play  
But you can't sing  
Those pictures in your mind  
Keep you locked up inside your past

This is a song for the broken girl  
The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world  
You are  
Hear me when I say  
You're not the worthless they made you feel  
There is a Love they can never steal away  
And you don't have to stay the broken girl

Those damaged goods you see  
In your reflection  
Love sees them differently  
Love sees perfection  
A beautiful display  
Of healing on the way tonight  
Tonight

This is a song for the broken girl  
The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world  
You are  
Hear me when I say  
You're not the worthless they made you feel  
There is a Love they can never steal away  
And you don't have to stay the broken girl

Let your tears touch to the ground  
Lay your shattered pieces down  
And be amazed by how Grace can take a broken girl  
And put her back together again

This is a song for the broken girl  
The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world  
You are  
Hear me when I say  
You're not the worthless they made you feel  
There is a Love they can never steal away  
And you don't have to stay the broken girl  
You don't have to stay the broken girl


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note: **Thank you to everyone who's been so patient. I'm happy to say I'm further ahead on writing now and can't wait to continue bringing this story to you. I hope you're all enjoying it as much as I am! If you tip your waiters or if you don't but feel you should...let all of your FanFic writers know how they're doing! love to all of you. Find me on Twitter at rcampdel / Paily*Love*Story to check out beautiful cover art for the story by: Saii79

Lainierb, Saii79, Shokoshik, JmHarder, A_Joyce, Verospice, Alitheplatypus, Silentwonder...You girls inspire me daily and I love you all.

**Enjoy!**

_"I don't know what circumstances occurred in your life for you to build such a strong brick wall around your heart, but I do intend to tear it down." ― Tina Carreiro, Power of the Moon_

* * *

Standing here all day would be easy. Not just because of the view of the gold fields glowing against a stormy sky or swirling dark clouds tinted an unearthly blue. Not just the peace she felt from the platform of the commons car. It was because of the arms holding her safely inside. The chin resting on her shoulder and the auburn waves brushing against her neck as rain-scented wind blew past stirring up more intoxicating smells. Just the scent of Paige's body being so close made her feel weak. The longing for the fields right now is strong, and Paige's loft. The way it felt to touch her so deeply for the first time the way every touch after felt better than the one before. Still new and also like a memory in her mind of a past they'd had together. Nothing and no amount of days would be able to take away the subtle hurt of missing out on any part of Paige's life. She promised herself, looking out at the sea of gold and feeling the heat of Paige's arms wrapped around her, that she'd spend everyday trying to make up for lost time. A big part of her was excited about the idea of spending all night and the following day locked up in a room just holding each other, exploring touches and the reactions they cause. The engine vibrating beneath their feet felt like a clock ticking down the seconds before they could hide themselves away. The rumble in the sky felt electric and urgent, pressing them on their way but at the same time begging them to stay.

"Tradition calls." Paige sighed against her neck. "Though something tells me Mary will be leaving out the 'without incident' part."

She twisted in Paige's arms to look at her, planting a soft kiss on her lips and making her smile. "You two need to talk more and now you'll be stuck on a moving train for how long?"

"There's not a show tomorrow so we'll be traveling but there's one the next afternoon and then at night."

"Okay so plenty of time for talking." She smiled.

Paige shook her head. "Not all of that time for talking, right?"

"Of course not. You'll need to let her sleep for an hour or two at some point."

"Fine but during that hour or two when she's sleeping?" Paige tilted her head in her challenging way and leaned closer, tightening her grip around her waist and bringing her mouth to her jaw line. Her breath stopped in her throat as Paige nipped lightly.

She swallowed hard and her eyes closed, enjoying the fire that came with Paige's lips on her skin. "Um...during that hour or two I'll be sleeping too." She smiled stubbornly and Paige groaned in protest.

"Then I better talk to her right away and you can just go sleep for a few hours now." Paige beamed proudly but it faded when voices from inside the common room drifted past their ears. "Time to go." She sighed, running her fingers down her to take her hand and lead the way inside.

She turned to look over her shoulder at the gold fields before stepping inside the door. It was sad to leave them but more exciting with the knowledge that they'd be back here together some day. In the meantime they got to travel with each other and see new cities, meet new people. It had to be one of the most romantic notions in the world when paired with curling up inside the cabin of Paige's room. Maybe it could be her room now too. The scent that clung to her pillows was so fresh in her mind. The first night she'd slept on the train was such a blur because of how drained her body was emotionally. It seemed like forever ago that Paige was holding her up and leading her down the hallways. She remembered the scale in her mind before she fell asleep. The one that tipped in favor of the hands that placed coral in Ember's mane. The same hands that had touched parts of her body so softly. Her stomach twisted into knots and her skin fluttered just with Paige holding her hand. She struggled to focus on the bustle of people as they stepped inside the common room. It happened quickly and she spotted Peter sitting across the room on a bar stool with his head buried quietly in a notebook. Sadie and Faye were talking quietly among themselves on the couch and Claire and Seth were solemn and silent at one of the parlor tables. She recognized a tall thin man that she'd walked past before the improv yesterday, one trying to swallow a sword, sitting at a table with a few random men of different sizes. The clowns more than likely and even they were hushed. Surprisingly the room, even though it was crowded, was a lot quieter than usual and her eyes moved around quickly over everyone.

Paige led the way through the room to stop beside Peter and leaned into the bar counter on her elbows.

"We're ready then?"

Peter nodded lightly and closed a scheduling notebook, setting a pen down to the countertop. "Yeah we're ready."

"Bullshit!" A voice snapped at him from across the room and grabbed everyone's attention. Sadie was glaring at him with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Sadie..." Peter sighed warningly, giving her a pointed look.

She ran her hand back through her red hair, fanning it around her shoulders and slouched deep into a couch cushion, kicking her boots up on to a small coffee table like a child in time out. Faye was sitting quiet and emotionless beside her trying not make eye contact with anyone, or maybe just not with Paige.

"What the hell is your problem?" Paige asked, looking at her through crinkled eyebrows. Sadie shook her head dismissively but kept her eyes to the floor and Paige quickly moved her questioning eyes back to Peter.

He sighed heavily and her body tensed. Paige was relaxed beside her waiting for an answer but her muscles froze as she looked around. Everyone was quiet and watching Paige as if they were waiting for some sort of reaction from her but she seemed oblivious to that, waiting for an answer from Peter. Her throat tightened as her eyes moved around the room and took everyone in.

"Paige..." Peter started, sighing again. His mouth gaped slightly as he formed words but nothing seemed to surface.

Just as quickly Paige's brown eyes snapped around the room and she could see every muscle in her body tense up, the color drain from her cheeks. The wheels in her head were turning and yet she seemed to have trouble making sense of the change and picking which thought to voice first. Paige's eyes lost all emotion instantly when they fell on Sadie and Faye who were biting their tongues and couldn't even look at her, both of them fighting tears. The warm brown eyes had never looked so empty of everything. Two were missing.

"Peter, why did you hug Mary last night after dinner?" Paige brought her eyes back to him as he tried to speak.

"Well I..."

"I thought it was odd but I guess I just didn't think to much into it. I let it slide." Paige cut him off and the flatness in her voice, the empty detachment, only made the room more quiet. "Why would you hug her if you were gonna see her today?"

"I just..."

"Why would you hug someone goodnight that you've spent almost every day with?" Paige asked again, the volume of her voice growing and sounding like she was asking herself these questions more than Peter. "I mean, you probably wouldn't hug a roommate every night. You'd go to bed just knowing you'd see them in the morning. A comfortable routine knowing they'd be there."

Her stomach hit the floor trying to imagine what Paige must be feeling now, the change she was grasping. She'd only been around Mary and Riley for a week and her heart ached not seeing them here. The pain Paige would be feeling, looking lost and confused, was enough to make her hand shoot out to rest against the bar counter just to keep from falling herself. The engine vibrating through the floor was nauseating. Half of Paige's family was gone and even she could feel that loss. Peter's lack of explanation was proof that they were really gone.

"Paige..." Peter reached for her arm and the entire room jumped when she ripped it away from him.

Paige turned without another word and slammed through the door towards the back of the train, sending it crashing into the wall. The plexiglass from the small window snapped and fell to the floor from the force and made everyone flinch and jump again. She followed after her quickly and instantly Peter was behind her too, walking fast down the halls, past the office and through the kitchen. They were just a blur, just rectangle shaped doors whizzing by. The next car was one of the carved hallways and Paige didn't stop to hesitate before throwing a door open halfway down, a room in deep shades of green and gray. Her face fell instantly but she moved quickly to the next door down and threw it open too. Paige's shoulders caved completely as her eyes fell on an empty room and she leaned into the door frame for support. The furniture and everything was there of course but the personal touches that should have been...were gone. She'd never seen the inside of Mary's room to know exactly what was missing but it was clear nobody lived here anymore. The layout was the same as Paige's room but just like the room Peter had cleared for her...the colors were different. Amethyst in the wallpaper and a touch of emerald along the same wood carvings in the molding. The bed spread was the most beautiful in a deep shade of purple satin but with personal belongings gone...it was cold.

Her hand reached for Paige as she staggered slightly in the doorway, placing her arm around her waist to let her know she was there, always there. Paige was taking in the empty room with hurt and confusion, her eyes flickering across the space and it was easy to tell that she was replaying moments in her mind trying to figure out what she'd missed. If this hurt her after just a week of knowing them there was nothing to measure the hurt Paige felt right now. Riley had been in her life for ten years and Mary for five. Paige's hand moved to her stomach in a soothing way, trying to calm the mess of knots that were likely forming there. She'd never seen Paige this torn, not over Cassie and sadness surfaced because she hadn't really known Paige that long at all. Cassie had been a whole set of hopeless and sad emotions and those were all still there only now they were amplified by the anger of Peter keeping something so important from her, of Riley and Mary being gone without telling her. The painful truth hit her again. The truth that she'd only experienced a week of Paige. She couldn't pull out a long resume or reference many things in Paige's life. She hadn't been there for even a fraction of her life like they had. She felt useless now without knowing what to say or do, if there even was anything.

Paige reached for her too, running her hand lightly down her arm and into her hand, like just feeling that she was here by her side was keeping her from lunging at Peter, holding her back and feeding her comfort with her fingertips. At the moment she kind of wanted to physically harm Peter too and the idea of stepping away from Paige so that she could was tempting. The distraction from those thoughts came from the heat of Paige's feather light touch in her hand. Even though her cheeks were flaming with her temper...Paige touched her softly, needing her there and feeling her way across the curves of her fingers...her wrist. The way a sculptor would gently touch their clay masterpiece. Carefully.

"You weren't even gonna tell me?" Paige snapped, making her heart jump from the contrast of the loud volume and the soft touch of her hand. Her voice echoed in the small hallway as she looked at Peter standing hesitantly a few feet back. For his safety at the moment that was probably smart of him.

"I was Paige but it's not the easiest thing to bring up because of how you're reacting right now." Peter pointed out, trying to defend his actions. It had to be a joke because while Paige was intimidating when angry...Peter was also twice her size and had nearly a foot on her in height. She had to look away to keep them both from seeing her roll her eyes at that response.

"It's not supposed to be an easy thing because its wrong and you know it." Her voice grew louder. "Your reason for not telling me until now..." Paige cut her words off and shook her head in disbelief. "You knew last night at dinner? How long did you know?" She snapped.

"Since right after the improv at Riley's parent's house. I heard Riley talking to his dad about it and I pulled Mary aside and asked her privately." Peter sighed. "I'm just as upset by this as you are."

"Did she ask you not to tell me?"

"No." Peter sighed. "No she didn't."

"Then why wouldn't you tell me?" Paige shouted.

"Because if she wanted you to stop her she would have told you herself." Peter's voice sounded more broken now and it was clear he was hurt by this too but he refused to let the volume of his voice grow. "Mary isn't an employee anymore, Paige. I can't do anything about it. I tried to talk her out of it but she basically told me to leave it alone in her not so pleasant words. She said its something she needs to do for herself and that it has nothing to do with us. I don't even think she planned on telling anyone they were leaving."

"The paperwork is a technicality. I mean..what about Riley's?" Paige snapped, pulling herself out of her grasp and taking a step towards Peter. "If something is bothering her or Riley then shouldn't it be about us? If something was hurting me you'd care, right?" Peter nodded and looked defeated from hearing that comparison, wounded because it was so clear he cared deeply about both Paige and Mary.

If Paige was anything it was loyal to the people that made up her family. The only people she really had in the world could barely be counted on one hand and none of them were related to her by blood. They were the only family she had left. Now that she was part of Paige's life in such an important way it made all of them irreplaceable to her too. If she was being honest with herself she felt that strongly about them all the second the train left Rosewood. The moment she stepped on board they all became hers too...she was their's. She was proud to be in their lives and part of this family. She was proud to call them all her own because they knew so much of Paige and she wanted to know them, to learn from them. That family wasnt complete right now.

"Pull the truck out of 16." Paige demanded, dropping her hand and moving to walk past Peter. She slammed her shoulder hard into his as she did.

"Paige we have to leave." Peter whispered weakly. "We have to make the next stop and..."

"You don't make the decisions around here!" Paige turned to him with anger in her eyes but there was so much hurt too that she couldn't pinpoint which was stronger.

"Here." He sighed, pulling his keys out of his pocket and holding them out to her along with a candy-striped plastic card. "We'll keep the engine warm here."

"No you won't." Paige took the card from his hand and looked at the name in gold writing. Swallowing weakly she shook her head, her eyes flickering over to her and in that quick glance she knew exactly where Paige's thoughts were. "The trains leaving. I'll find Mary and Riley and have plenty of time to catch up."

"We can wait and still have time to get there, Paige."

"No you really can't. You need to get there as soon as possible and get the tent up. We can't risk being late setting it up, there's too much to do. We can get there behind you guys at the very last minute and still be okay but if you get there late we'll lose workers and never get it running in time."

"And what if you can't get them back, Paige?" Peter asked, arching his eyebrows. "If they wanted to be here they would be."

"If I can't get them then just prepare everyone else. You owe me that." Paige sighed and her eyes moved over to her again, soft brown that showed how conflicted and how unsure she was. There was strength there too. Paige was determined to hold them all together.

Peter nodded and pressed a little further. "Prepare them for what?"

A crinkle formed between Paige's eyebrows but her words we sure and lacked all doubt. "I'll start canceling shows until they're back. As many as I have to for as long as I have to. I love all of this but not enough to keep it going without all of you."

"They wouldn't want you to do that, Paige."

"They don't seem to care what I want so I'm just returning the favor."

"You'd really give everything up?" Peter asked, honest curiosity in his gray eyes. "You'd quit everything just like that? All of it?"

"I almost did it back in Rosewood." Paige admitted, her eyes moving to look at her softly. Her brown eyes melt past what she'd ever seen. Beautiful and loving. They hardened the second they moved to look at Peter again. "I was willing to hand everything over to you. The people I love come before all of this. I've lost enough people in my life to cherish the few that I have left. I'd give all of this up for any one of you in a heartbeat."

Paige's eyes moved to her again, reminding her that she was included in those few people. Back in Rosewood she had been willing leave everything just for her, without really knowing her at all. How could she ever question Paige's loyalty and love to Riley and Mary who'd had years with her. Paige's eyes were glazing over and the helplessness on her face made her own legs feel weak.

"You said it back in Rosewood." Paige pointed out. "When we were setting up you told me that this wasn't everything, that there was more out there than just the family business." Her eyes watered and a tear slid down her cheek which she quickly wiped away. "Well it is everything when I get to be with you guys but...not without. Without its nothing."

Peter's gray eyes weakened and he nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry I..."

"I mean fuck, Peter. What if I hadn't noticed when I did? What if I hadn't come into the room until after the train pulled away? You'd just let me find out when we're what? A few cities away? A few states?" Paige scoffed in disgust, ignoring his apology and making him look even more deflated. "Can you imagine someone else filling Riley's place? God..." Paige choked back the moisture in her eyes that suddenly increased. "Marley's?"

"No." He shook his head weakly and looked on the verge of tears too which only increased the fire in Paige's eyes. She was too upset right now to see him at all. "I should have told you last night...I was just trying to respect Marley's decision."

"It's fine. It's done." Paige snapped bitterly, waving her hand dismissively. Her gesture was detached and cold and she turned too quickly for Peter to protest, walking back down the hall towards the front of the train.

Her heart sunk seeing Paige so lost as she disappeared through the car door. Paige and Mary seemed to have slipped away from each other and that meant Riley too and now she was at odds with Peter. Her hand went automatically towards him and he didn't hesitate to drop the keys into her hand. As he did the radio clipped to his back pocket beeped and he reached for it.

"Are we ready?" A voice called, static cutting through as the engineer waited for a response. Peter brought it to his lips to speak but another voice crossed weakly through the speaker.

"Give me five minutes and I'll give you the clear."

"You got it, Paige." The engineer replied, sending the channel to static before it shut off.

Her heart stopped and movement was forced back into her body. "Check in on Ember for me?" She asked, starting a quick backwards pace towards the door.

Peter smiled and nodded. "I'm not sure he likes me very much."

"Bring apples." She called, tightening her grip on the keys as she pushed through the door.

The hallways were surprisingly easy to run down when the train wasn't moving. The vibration from the engine still made it a bit unsettling, like those fun house tunnels that spin and make you dizzy even though the ground is stationary. She expected the floor to move at any minute and that fear pushed her to move faster, working into a sprint and slamming through car doors. The commons was easier to navigate than it should have been. Everyone was already standing aside and had cleared a path which suggested that Paige had run through pretty fast too. Paige didn't even have to run because she had a radio and ways to tell the engineer to wait. All she had was a pair of car keys and no way of knowing when Paige would give the engineer the okay to leave. Every second mattered.

Her body slammed into her bedroom door and the breath was knocked from her lungs as it flew open, a deep breath working its way back in but she didn't stop to enjoy it. Her eyes moved to her phone still laying on her bed but there was really no need for it. She threw her body forward and grabbed her shoulder bag from the vanity counter, her eyes flickering down to the ballet flats still on her feet. Her boots had been left inside the changing room of the tent before the improv and these weren't very practical for chasing Paige down. Kicking the shoes off she moved to grab her sneakers beside the closet but her eyes fell on her tall boots placed perfectly beside the closet door with a small purple square of paper stuck to them. She ripped it off to read the perfect script.

_Ems, use these to kick Paige's ass every now and then. It's good for her. _

_Love, Mar _

_PS. You're the best for her._

Her throat tightened without warning and her eyes glazed over. Part of her didn't expect it but the larger part scolded herself for being so surprised. Mary meant a lot to her already. She hadn't really been able to sit down with her and thank her for everything she did...or Riley. Without them the improv wouldn't have gone so perfectly for her. The whole thing felt like a dream and she owed so much to Riley and Mary for making that possible, for accepting her so eagerly into their lives and Paige's.

"Em?"

She turned and breathed again seeing Paige standing in her doorway, slipping her feet quickly into her boots and tucking the note in her bag as she walked to her side.

Paige's eyes were apologetic. "I have to do this. You don't have to come if you don't want to. Hopefully it won't take too long...I just..."

"I want to." She nodded firmly. "They aren't just your family anymore. They're mine too."

Paige smiled and took her hand, pulling her into a hug. The sigh of relief that left her lips made her eyes close because Paige felt so good in her arms. The whole run through the train had felt like she was reliving her rush to stop Paige before she left Rosewood. It was too soon for her mind to forget that darker place and that feeling of being left behind was a deep wound that refused to heal quickly. She squeezed her tighter and Paige's body tensed in response.

"Did you think I would leave without you?" Paige tilted her head against her neck bringing her lips closer to her ear. "Without even letting you know?"

She shook her head against Paige's shoulder and pulled away to look at her. It wasn't exactly a lie. It had just been a fear and automatic response out of her control but there was no real logic to back it up. Not that it mattered either way because she was just as capable of getting Peter to stop the train or better yet finding her way the engine and figuring out which lever was the brakes. If Mary and Riley had stopped the train while having sex then it couldn't be too hard to figure out. It was a fleeting fear, but it wasn't real. Not real like Paige holding her now.

Paige smiled playfully and held out backpack in her hand. "I grabbed you a few thermals. You're about my size, right?"

Her cheeks heated up as her smile widened and she nodded. "Yes, but I need Mary here to help me with dresses." She dangled Peter's keys in front of her face and dropped them when Paige held her hand out.

"Very true." Paige agreed, slipping the keys into her pocket. "That's my main reason for tracking her down."

The smile didn't quiet reach Paige's eyes but that it did its job to push movement back into her body. Paige was worried still but her body had relaxed considerably just at knowing they were going together. Quickly she tightened her grip on her hand and led her out of the room and towards the side hatch door. She'd learned enough from watching Paige to step on a floor lock before tugging down on the handle and pulling the heavy metal open. Paige edged around her and jumped to the ground but her feet stayed planted on the platform, her eyes cast to the gravel below.

"Are you coming?" Paige smiled, outstretching her hand to offer help down.

She dropped her bag carefully to the ground below and shook her head lightly, refusing to budge and watching the smile fade slightly from Paige's lips. "I wanna jump."

"What?" Paige's eyes widened and her mouth gaped. "Em, I don't think that's a..."

"Why?" She argued. "You do it."

"Yeah but I've done it for years. I don't want you getting hurt." A furrow appeared between her eyebrows that showed her discomfort with the idea.

"Then I'm not going with you." She shot, crossing her arms over chest. "And you should know that I really want to go." Her heart sunk at the idea of staying behind but it was a bluff and she was relying on Paige to not know that. Paige knew.

"Em, nice try." She smiled. "You didn't give me that line about them being your family too just to stay behind because I don't want you to jump from a moving train."

She arched her eyebrows and pushed it a bit further. "Okay, that's true." She nodded in agreement and watched relief flood Paige's eyes. "Just get on the radio and tell the engineer to leave. I'll jump on my own." It was probably mean but regardless Paige's fight made her more determined.

Paige's eyes widened and she stepped closer now, reaching for her hand. "Seriously let's go. Jump down."

"Congratulations you're being bossy and telling me no." She smiled. "Use your radio and give them the clear or I'll just go get Peter's."

Paige ducked her head and blushed as she shook her head lightly. "Have I told you I love you today?"

The smile spread on her lips and she nodded. "Yes but you can come up here and tell me again."

A soft sigh left Paige's lungs and she kept her head hung as she dropped her back pack to the ground too and jumped back up beside her. The red of her tank top was rich against the cream of her skin and her bare arms moved to wrap around her waist, one hand tugging playfully at the hem of the emerald-green thermal she was wearing.

"I love you and I love you in my shirt." Paige cocked her head in her challenging way and reached around to her back pocket bringing her radio around to her lips while just keeping a breath between them. Her eyes never left her mouth as she spoke. Just seeing her tongue move forward to touch her teeth with the words had her stomach being assaulted by butterflies.

"I'm gonna need someone to come close the hatch door on 1."

"Paige..." It was Peter's voice that replied softly instead of the engineer's.

"All clear." She cut him off quickly.

Paige snapped it off and tucked it into her back pocket and she jumped when the train whistle sounded and the vibration beneath their feet increased. Paige turned and lined her feet up with the edge of the platform.

"Okay I'm going to say jump and you have to jump." Paige looked over at her as she lined up her own feet beside her. Her brown eyes were reluctant and her breath was shaking to the point where she could see her anxiety trembling under her skin. "The train picks up speed fast and just a few seconds can make a huge difference."

She nodded and swallowed the tightening in her throat and Paige squeezed her right hand tightly as the train lurched forward and moved into a slow crawl. The sound of screeching metal buzzed around her ears from the wheels gripping into the steel tracks and the wind began to tease with the strands of her hair. Paige's eyes were on the movement of the ground, flickering across it as it passed by and her lips moved slightly as though she were whispering to herself. She got lost completely to the auburn waves blowing around Paige's face and how deep her brown eyes suddenly were, alert and focused. She didn't notice the wind picking up around them or the air being taken from her lungs a little more with each breath, the way it worked back in without her having to ask for it. Paige tightened her grip on her hand. Adrenaline was making her skin crawl and ground began to blur.

"Jump."

Her heart stopped and just as quickly picked up in double time, pounding out of her chest and making her blood pressure rise as Paige's feet left the platform and pulled her into the air with her. Their night above the train was pushed back into her mind in a second. The movement of steel train ripped the air from her lungs the same way the tunnel had only now she wasn't sound on a solid surface. Her eyes somehow found Paige in that one moment. She zeroed in on the pink of her cheeks and the way she took in a deep breath of the air as it whipped her hair from her shoulders. Just as quickly she remembered the approaching earth, gravity about to wake her up harshly with the sharp gravel that would be demanding her attention at any second.

She felt Paige's boots slam flawlessly into ground first and instantly Paige turned and her arms were around her waist, steadying her as her feet hit the loose rocks, making her stumbled slightly into her landing. Paige's arms were there holding her, strong and steady but always so soft, giving her room to spread wings she never knew she had. She was lost every time she looked at her.

"Are you okay?" Paige smiled, cupping her cheek and bringing her other hand up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear.

A smile spread across her lip as she nodded and forced a deep breath, telling her heartbeat to slow when like the train pushing past it only continued to accelerate. The reason was smiling at her and leaning closer. Her eyes watched her lips until they were pulled closed by the warmth and the scent...the taste that came with Paige kissing her. She took all the oxygen she had left from her lungs and gave it back as she sighed softly into her mouth. The quiet and the stillness around them pulled them apart and in the absence of each others lips their bodies swayed slightly. She gripped at Paige's elbow to steady her and her heart flipped seeing the how strongly Paige was affected by her too.

She turned to look over her shoulder at the train disappearing down the tracks and felt a pang of sadness. It was a sight she thought she'd have to face back in Rosewood, the fading of Paige and her hope all at once. The melancholy faded quickly now when Paige squeezed her hand and spoke.

"Its weird." She chuckled. "This is the first time I've watched the train leave without me in seven years."

"I'm glad my first and hopefully only time watching it leave is with you standing beside me." She quipped. "I almost had to watch it leave with you in Rosewood."

"Well its a good thing your friend was psychotic enough to risk her Prius and your life...but now..." Paige sighed and looked behind her down the tracks "...we have to walk a mile back to where we dropped our bags."

The walk wasn't quite a mile but maybe that was just time passing quickly because Paige was holding her hand. The whole time she watched Paige out of the corner of her eye and with each step they took her smile faded and a crinkle formed more and more between her eyebrows, a frown tugging at her lips and a mix of emotions that alternated every few seconds. Hopelessness and anger, confusion and sadness. There was a brief second of that detached look too and that's the one that pained her the most. She couldn't even call it an emotion because it was absolutely nothing. Paige showing nothing in eyes that were usually so deep...there werent words for how that made her feel.

"Where do you think they are?" She asked, bending to pick up her shoulder bag from the ground.

"The only place they'd be is Riley's parents house. They usually spend a lot of off-season here. Paige pulled the backpack strap over one of her shoulders and took her hand as they walked across the small greenway towards the tent.

"That's good though, right?" She asked. "We can just go there and you can talk to her, figure things out."

"I don't know why they'd stay behind." Paige sighed, unintentionally ignoring her question. It was clear her mind was working to locate the reasons for Mary and Riley not to be here. Her voice just quiet rambling that formed a solo conversation. "I should have told them the truth about Cassie but it just got easy not to. I didn't want to hurt any of them with it. I always want to put everyone before myself. That's never gonna change. It's who I am..."

Her body tensed and her steps faltered from words she recognized, words Riley had said yesterday when he spoke of Mary. Everyone before herself. She recovered quickly and squeezed Paige's hand reassuringly. "Do you wanna know what I think?"

Paige looked at her and her chocolate eyes lighten considerably. "Yes because I'm completely lost on this one."

"I think..." she stopped and bit her tongue for a moment, chosing a path carefully. "You two are a lot alike." She watched Paige nod weakly again. "I think it'll all be okay. It might be hard but I told you yesterday...the best things usually are."

Paige's eyebrows furrowed again but quickly a soft smile tugged at her lips and her body relaxed a little more beside her as they walked past the tent. She bit her tongue harder as they walked. There was something about all of this that twisted her stomach uncomfortably and she was now trying to make herself overlook it. Her mind was trying to form a blind spot for Mary the same way Paige had. By doing that it meant she didn't have to face the possibility of a painful truth for someone else she cares about and that also meant she was doing the same thing Paige had. Ignorance is bliss but that doesn't make it right. If the thought that she was right about Mary was painful for her than Paige would be heartbroken. Her mind was trying to pull her to the night Paige had told her about back in Charleston. The night five years ago in Albany when she had found Mary behind the bar. The sneaking fear that Paige and Mary may have gone through similar pain and kept it from each other was a possible reason for Mary to want to stay behind. To keep Paige from hurting the way she did when she learned the truth about Cassie. Everyone before herself. Paige and Mary are exactly alike and she could only pray they didn't have this dark past in common. It was such a long shot though and her body relaxed more with each step. She released her tongue, paying more attention to their surroundings and Paige's hand in hers.

The grounds were scattered with people still going about their work but it was all closed to the public and as they reached the parking lot beside the warehouse the first drop of rain fall and the storm growled in the sky, one drop then two. The air was still so hot and each tiny drop that hit the pavement dried instantly. One fell on the bare skin of Paige's shoulder and then slowly rolled down leaving a glistening trail like the water in the shower had. The steam around their bodies. Her eyes fell to the smokey landscape. A little further away on the other side of parking lot was the entrance gate and the main street before the ground shifted into the incline of a small hill overlooking the grounds. Up there the fog was twisting heavily around a lookout point with tall shady trees, masking their green color and turning them into mere shadows against the white moisture in the air. So ghostly and beautiful.

"So if you can't get them to come back..." she started, looking at Paige graciously when she held open the warehouse door for her.

Paige smiled weakly. "Well then we get to spend that extra time at the loft that you wanted. Riley's family is only a few minutes away and when I'm not camping out on their front porch with a protest sign I'll be with you."

"And I'm more than okay with that but I'm gonna need a sign too." Her cheeks warmed and Paige clicked the starter on Peter's car, bringing the engine to life. "So these are other performer's cars then?" Her eyes moved across the various cars parked in straight rows.

"Yeah." Paige nodded and opened the car door for her. "Riley has his Cougar I'm guessing but the Audi TT is Mary's." Her eyes moved to a cherry red convertible and it was beautiful, not a stretch at all to envision Mary driving it. "Sadie has the candy blue wrangler and the silver mini cooper is Faye's. I'm waiting for Seth and Claire to have kids because judging by the third row I'm guessing they plan on it." Paige pointed to a black Traverse at the end. "I can't send a pregnant woman flying and twirling through the air so that might be a problem." She chuckled playfully.

"Can I park Ember in here because he's all I have." She smiled.

"Awe he'd probably be happier staying in the fields, so long as we didn't scar him with what he probably saw of me last night, but there's the bike and the truck...consider them yours." Paige winked and closed the car door behind her when she slipped in and then walked around the hood to climb in the driver's seat.

"Is that truck built well because I'm not good with standards..."

"That truck is incredibly sturdy." Paige nodded pulling the car through the wide warehouse door. "Last winter Riley and Mary took it to Oregon to his family's cabin because he didn't want the Cougar getting stuck in the..." Paige cut off her own words and a crinkle formed between her eyes. "Um...snow." she finished. Her attention was elsewhere so quickly and her hands gripped into the steering wheel as they drove out on to the main road.

"What's wrong?" She asked. "Where'd you go just now?"

The crinkle between Paige's eyes deepened and she looked over at her, surprised that it she'd been obvious. "Um...just a hunch."

She nodded lightly and Paige pressed her foot into the gas pedal. Her thumb tapped impatiently and she decided not to press her with questions or scrutiny. She knew where Paige's thoughts were, so lost in missing pieces in her life. She wanted Riley and Mary back too but at the same time the thought of staying here with the fields and the loft was more than appealing. It's not like she was so attached to her one performance to shoot down the idea of staying here longer with Paige. It didn't really matter where they were. She left Rosewood for Ember to have better and for her to have something better too. Mary's note said she was the best for Paige but more accurately... Paige made her the best version of herself, better every time she touched her. Her eyebrows crinkled and she slipped her hand into her purse, her fingers grazing over the folded circus flyer that changed her life and Hanna's stun gun that she'd probably never need. She stopped short when she felt Mary's note and she pulled it out along with a pen, clicking it and staring at the blank backside of the purple square of paper. The optimistic part of her started writing her own message for Mary. Something she still owed her and she intended on following through.

When she was finished she tucked the paper and pen back into her bag and looked out the window. Spots of rain had increased in number on the windshield but she could still clearly their surroundings. Large country-style homes lines both sides of a street shrouded in greenery. Tall mature trees and beautiful green lawns and rose bushes. Looking at Paige she could only see tension in her body, fight in her eyes and a storm stronger than the one brewing outside. It worried her because Mary wasn't the type to back down any more than Paige was. The car veered over to the right side of the shaded street and Paige let the engine die and ripped herself automatically from the car, walking around to open her door. She beat her to it and stepped out before Paige could offer her help and her eyes fell on a beautiful white house with a wrap around porch and steel-blue shudders. The path leading up was laid out in brick and lined with tall lilac bushes in full bloom. Tiny purple flowers perfumed the air, scenting the few sprinkles of rain that fell over them.

She almost reached for Paige's hand but decided against it and before she could pinpoint her reasons Paige was moving up the walkway with purpose behind her steps. Her hair whipped from her bare shoulders and her boots pounded into the path. The red on her tank top nearly as bright as the red on her cheeks, anger and confusion, helplessness and determination all mixing into a concoction of emotions that could play out a number of different ways. She followed beside her quickly, her eyes set on the porch with wicker furniture. Two feet before the steps Paige veered to the left and walked around the side of the house towards the back. There was a large soft green yard and pool and tucked beautifully in the far corner of the yard was a small white two-story guesthouse with the same shudders around the windows. A tall oak tree shaded it and seemed to try and hide it from the world and the same purple lilacs grew around the siding. Her eyes moved quickly to Riley's turquoise Cougar parked beside it and even faster they found Riley stuffing a bag into the trunk wearing his usual, casual fitting jeans and leather belt with a soft v-neck tshirt so dark blue it was almost black. His hair always a messy pile of brown that somehow always looked perfectly placed.

The sound of a door closing pulled her eyes to Mary coming out of the guest house. Dark denim clung to her legs and a pair of brown slouch boots hugged her calves. She always looked flawless and this time it was no different. The deep purple long-sleeve shirt stood out the most. It made her cream skin glow and brought out flecks of red in large chocolate ringlets down her back along with a soft pink across her cheeks. It was the eyes she noticed next. She fell a few steps behind Paige as Mary's blue eyes fell on their approach, widening and turning to ice and then fire as she faltered in her steps. Riley turned and looked at them too but he seemed far less surprised. He seemed expectant.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Paige?" Mary snapped, finding no need for pleasantries.

Part of her was relieved that Mary made note to only mention Paige's name. While she felt guilty thinking this way not one part of her wanted to have the those blue eyes glaring into her. Maybe that made her a traitor or a coward but moral support in the form of standing a few steps back from Paige's side would have to be good enough. Riley seemed to have the same notion but Paige's fast pace made him tense.

"I should ask you the same fucking thing." Paige didn't slow her steps until she was a few feet away and reflex had Riley puffing his chest and stepping protectively closer to Mary ready to block Paige...or block Mary...maybe it didn't matter. Paige stopped on her own without paying attention to him. "I asked you." She snapped. "I said please don't tell me you're trying to leave the show. You said you weren't planning on telling me that. I thought you meant you weren't leaving, I didn't realize you were just going to stay behind without fucking telling me at all."

"It's not about you, Paige." Mary shouted and her blue eyes were cold and burning at the same time. "Not everything is about you and the sooner you get that through your damn head the sooner you can leave."

"I'm not leaving." Paige's voice grew. "I told you when the train was leaving and you lied to me. You said you'd be there! If it wasnt about me you would have told me. You didn't even try."

"I was there Paige! As close as I could make myself get which is why I'm going back to my question. What the fuck are you doing here because I watched the train leave! I watched it keep going so why the hell aren't you on it?"

"Oh Fuck with your carefully planned word games, Marley. Answering direct questions in your cryptic little way so it's not really a lie." Paige shook her head in disbelief. "I'm not on the train because unlike you I didn't run away and try to put more distance between us under a false illusion that it would make things better."

"Because you've never run away from anything have you, Paige?" Mary spat. "Of course not. You're the boss and your ego is so fucking inflated sometimes that you forget you're not the only one that's gone through shit."

"Then tell me what I'm missing here." Paige shouted, throwing her hands up.

"Isn't it my choice whether or not to tell you, Paige? Don't I get to make that decision for myself? You said it so perfectly last night. Cassie happened to you...not me. I'm happy for you, Paige. I'm so happy that what she did doesn't hurt you anymore. _You_ made the choice not to tell me or anyone and I think I deserve the same fucking courtesy."

Paige's mouth gaped but no words came out. She knew how much Paige was beating herself up over not telling Mary and having that choice thrown back at her, a reversal of their roles as Mary had mentioned before, was something Paige expected and she didn't fight it. Mary hung her head and her shoulders sunk slightly more in frustration than defeat because both of them were brick walls at the moment. There was remorse also, for speaking thoughts she knew would be hurtful no matter how true they were. A jingling noise came from the keys she toyed with in her hand and she saw Paige tense even more. The keys with the purple rabbits foot and the state key chain.

"Just driving his mom and Sydney home?" Paige asked sarcastically.

"Nope, that one was a flat out lie because I expected this reaction out of you." Mary sighed. "They're for the cabin in Oregon. I handled paperwork with Peter last night and Sadie's taking over. Emily can have Riley's time slot."

"God, Marley." Paige sighed and shook her head bitterly. "Good choice. You've really thought this shit through."

Mary's eyes darkened. "Yeah well where's the fucking train, Paige? Did you think that through?"

"Its gone." Paige shot. "Its on its way to the next stop and without you two I'm planning on canceling as many shows as I have to until you're back. I'll cancel every one of them and if..."

"Oh my fucking God I could choke the shit out of you right now!" Mary screamed.

Her eyes burned as she took an angry step towards Paige with clenched fists. Riley was faster and his hand shot out automatically to grab Mary's and pull her back, the bruises still purple on her knuckles made her wince painfully. Reflex made her turn on him instead and he released her quickly, knowing where he went wrong. She thanked him by bringing her hand up to jab him hard in the throat. It wasn't nearly as hard as it could have been, she held a lot back, but it was enough to make him choke on a cough and step away, sparing himself from her anger and accepting the warning in her eyes.

"That feeling is more than mutual I promise." Paige retorted.

Mary whipped back around to her. "Are we throwing tantrums now and stamping our little feet when things don't go our way?"

"I don't know, Marley. Are we hiking up our skirts and leaving town when things get hard? We're quitters now? That's not me, and it sure as fuck isn't you." Paige was shouting more now, matching Mary's voice in volume.

"Maybe you don't know me! Have you ever thought about that? Don't make me keep repeating myself. It's not just about you."

Her heart sunk at seeing Paige and Mary fight like this. This anger way past any of the banter she'd seem between them. The worst part was the hopeless fear that was being masked by the raising of their voices. Both of their eyes glazed from trying to fight their hurt with their tempers. Her eyes flickered to Riley looking at her apologetically. He looked unsure but mostly he was biting back a smile and doing it remarkably well considering he'd almost been throat punched. The only sign of his smile was the slight twinkle in his eyes and she couldn't relax at his optimism right now. To be honest it seemed more like a front on his part. Like he was trying to distract her from the fight between their loved ones. Teacups and gossip were likely in their near future. Riley was trying to silently reassure her and offer relief from the tension.

"Not just about me?" Paige repeated, making sure she heard correctly. "Please enlighten me on the parts that involve me. Start with Cassie because I'm sure she made the short list."

"Fuck Cassie!" Mary shouted. "Who cares about Cassie! She's just a piece of fucking trash in the red-light district."

"I know that!" Paige groaned. "Then why, Marley? Why are you trying to do this? And I say 'trying' because I have no intention of actually letting you do this!"

"I know you're not stupid Paige but this shit is seriously questionable!" Her heart sunk when Mary avoided that question and directed the conversation away from herself. She was nearly shaking and her eyes glazed more with her temper. It was self-preservation. She wasn't telling Paige anything regarding her reasons and it wasn't for Paige benefit. Mary was trying to keep herself from crumbling to the ground. "Did you even stop to think about what you were doing or did you just jump from the train in the midst of your little toddler rampage?"

"Did you?" Paige screamed. "Did you stop and think about how I would feel about this or Peter? Hell...everyone for that matter, or do you even fucking care?"

"Fuck! Yes because everyone would miss the train whore, right? Do I offer discount rates, Paige?" Mary snapped bitterly.

It was a low blow directed at Paige and even Mary knew it. Paige recoiled at her words but Mary was in defense mode now, pulling out every stop to try and justify her reasons for staying behind without really telling Paige anything. Riley hung his head and looked as wounded as they were, maybe more. His green eyes were lovingly on Mary. He hurt for her. Mary's reputation true or not affected him too and when she was hurting...he looked helpless and broken beside her.

"I did it to myself didn't I? With Peter? Oh and lets not forget the 'private shows' everyone assumes I put on for every guy on the train. Is it just the men or is it the women too?"

"Mar, I..." Paige's voice was weak.

"No." Mary shot. "I need to know so I can file my taxes away according to gender like Sadie and Faye."

Paige shook her head firmly with pain in her brown eyes. What tore her heart out was the self-conflict there too. Paige wasn't the kind of person to honestly believe that of Mary but at the same time it was clear she had indeed thought it before. She knew Paige had. In Charleston she voiced that Mary wasnt the type to stay exclusive and in just the week of watching her and Riley she knew it wasn't the case. Her mind went back to dinner the night before when Mary had called Sadie and Faye out on their multiple partners. She felt her eyes burn because their rooms where beside each other and if she hadn't paid attention and noticed the way Mary's blue eyes light up when Riley is near her she could have easily made the wrong assumptions too. Something, likely the night four years ago, had stopped Paige from paying attention to clear signs where Mary was concerned. Mary had made no attempts either. Both of them fueling each other. They needed to right everything wrong between them because what they failed to see was how obvious their love for each other was to everyone else. She knew first hand what denial could do to a life. Four years was nothing next to seven and they couldn't let it get that bad.

Her hand reached into her purse and pulled out the tiny purple square of paper. Her eyes stung at seeing Mary's goodbye to her and the knowledge that Mary cared about her enough to leave one at all. It wasnt much but it was all she had. Determination shot through her and she flipped it over and held it out at arm's length to Mary. "You said you'd do this for me."

Mary's eyes rested softly on the post-it and she took it gently from her hands and looked down at the writing. Her eyes glazed more and she swallowed hard. The struggle swirling in blue calmed just enough and she felt hopeful seeing tension release from Mary's body.

"Get in the car." Mary whispered.

Paige looked at her in confusion. "Wha...what?"

"Get in the damn car, Paige!" Mary repeated, aggravated more by having to repeat herself again. "Someone has to be the grown up here and keep you from throwing away everything you and your whole family has worked for. Apparently you're not going to."

Paige threw her hands up in the air and let slap down into her thighs. "You're part of my family!"

Riley moved quickly, stepping forward and grabbing her hand, pulling her towards the car and leaving Mary and Paige standing still staring at each other, still fighting. He opened the passenger side door and flipped the front seat before gestured for her to climb in the back and she didn't hesitate, slipping on to the turquoise leather bench. Riley closed the door and walked around to the other side. She expected him to take the driver's seat but instead he moved the seat forward, shifting an acoustic guitar from the seat carefully to the floor before he climbed in beside her and manually flipped the lock on the door.

"Lock your side." Riley said, pointing at the small silver knob on her door.

"Why?"

"So neither of them can drag us out yet." Riley said surely. "We want them both to talk this shit out, right?"

She nodded quickly. "Yeah, but maybe they should take the backseat so they can talk without driving distractions?"

"Ummm...no." he shook his head firmly. "You really want to put them back here without anything to occupy their hands? Did you see Marley go soft on punching me in the throat? I want her hands on the steering wheel not on Paige's throat."

She smiled and nodded again. "Yes but Paige's hands are still free." She pointed out.

"I'm kinda gambling that Paige loves you enough not to send Mar driving off the road and thus killing us all." He smiled. "I'd say the odds are in our favor."

Her cheeks flushed and her hand shot out to lock her door, pressing the silver knob and hearing it click. Rain drops streaked the windows heavily but looking through the glass she could see that Mary and Paige were gone, no longer standing where they had been. Riley sunk lower in his seat and his fingers picked lazily at the guitar strap.

"I didn't know you played..." she cleared her throat and pointed lightly at the guitar. "You're amazing. What was the song you and Mary played... for my performance?"

Riley's smile widened and he reached for his guitar, pulling it up on to his lap and slipping a purple marbled pick from under the strings. He brought it up to hold between his teeth and his fingers began to move softly. She recognized the chords instantly and hearing them again made her smile. Her eyes saw him playing but all her mind saw were barriers of fire and a flaming ring, Paige standing in the center ring with a spotlight over her head and smiling when she had confessed her heart. With how breathless she felt it was a miracle she'd even been able to speak at all. Now more than ever she was thankful and just as willing to fight to keep Riley and Mary in her life too.

"I didn't really get to thank you for everything you did for me, with the improv and the barriers you made."

Riley dropped the purple guitar pick from his teeth into his lap. "I'm learning that you're overly gracious." His emerald eyes flickered up to hers and he smiled. "You don't have to thank me. It was my pleasure."

"You sound like Paige."

"Fair." Riley nodded. "I've known Paige for a long time, remember? Maybe she sounds like me." He arched his eyebrows pointedly with an amused smirk.

"Thats right..." she nodded playfully. "And she's younger than you so she would have had the more impressionable mind right?"

"Exactly!" Riley laughed. "No seriously though..." he sighed. "Paige is Paige. She's her own person, always has been. She gets a little hot-headed and irrational sometimes but its noble. I mean look at what just happened out there..." Riley gestured out the window. "Marley's the same way. Paige wants to keep us all together, apparently even at the cost of the show...which I have to say I expected of her and I agree with it. But Marley? She's just trying to keep from hurting Paige the same way Paige kept the truth about Cassie from her."

Her throat tightened. Riley was the right person to ask. Maybe they didn't have tea at the moment but..."You said the same way?" Her voice was softer than she meant for it to be but she couldn't have made it much stronger.

Riley's eyes met hers and she could see him swallow weakly. "Shes upset after learning what Cassie did to Paige. We all are. She'd just never want to hurt Paige by making confessions of her own."

She nodded weakly though it was amazing she even managed that. She felt sick to her stomach with assumptions and the hurt in Riley's eyes made it worse. "Um..." her eyebrows crinkled and she looked down to her fingers tangled in her lap. For some reason she couldn't bring herself to press further. Riley looked sad enough. "So she was leaving because Paige didn't tell her?" she brought her eyes up to look at him, watching her warily. The melancholy in his eyes mirrored what she felt and the pain was just as strong.

"No." Riley shook his head, a sigh leaving his lips that showed relief at being steered in a another direction. She should have found comfort in his eyes lightening the way they did but instead all his sigh proved was that there was a darker truth. That her assumptions may be that truth. "No...not really. Its more for herself than anything. Marley's strong but she just always doubts it. With growing up in the foster system she's just grown to hate relying on people for things. The show included and Paige by extension I guess."

"She's amazing though." She shook her head lightly. "From what I've seen of her performing...the talent is her."

"I agree. It is her." Riley nodded, continuing soft strokes over the strings. "I think she loves the show and everyone so much that she wanted to see if she was strong enough to give it all up. She lost a lot of families the minute she'd get hopeful of them working and eventually she just started holding her breath through all of it and never really stopped. It was always their terms or someone elses...never hers. _This_ was hers."

"And Paige thinks I've mastered empathy." She sighed.

"No, its natural with you." Riley smiled surely. "With me it's probably more of an upbringing. My dad works in CPS and my mom was an abuse counselor before Molly was born. Marley was a little surprised to learn that when I brought her home to meet them."

"How long had you guys been together?"

"About six months." He smiled and nodded in reminiscence. "Yeah...I mean it would have been sooner but she joined us near the beginning of that season and my parents were away when we came through here. We had to wait until the end of the season but we had the house to ourselves for a while." He winked and looked down to the chords he was still playing.

She laughed at his sly smile. "Oh God don't tell me you compromised your parent's house."

"No, just the living room and the entire guesthouse." He chuckled. "Don't look at me like that. I'm a good son. Some wouldn't hesitate to defile their parent's bed. I've seen those Lifetime movies you women watch."

She laughed and shook her head. "Okay I guess you could have done worse. Those movies are too scandalous for me."

"So what about you?" He asked

"What do you mean?" She smiled. "Have I compromised my parents house? No..."

"No." Riley chuckled and shook his head. "No, I meant you're learning about all of our crazy misfit antics but I don't know anything about you aside from...you joined us in a small town with a good local bar, you have a horse that hates me, you say thank you a lot and I'm guessing from all of the blushing and whispering at dinner last that you and Paige are pretty close."

"Then you know everything that's important." She quipped. "My life in Rosewood was a nightmare most of the time and all of your crazy misfit antics are a breath of fresh air. But I don't think Ember hates you."

"Wow..when circus people look good then somethings wrong in the world..." Riley smiled. "And yes, the bruise on my shoulder is proof that..."

The handles of the car were pulled on and made them jump, freezing Riley's fingers over the strings. He reached quickly to flip the lock up and she followed to unlock hers too, watching like statues as Paige slipped into the seat in front of her and Mary plopped behind the wheel and started the engine. The comfortable tone between her and Riley was replaced by a much harsher volume.

"Oh really? Well imagine my surprise when I had to find out from Peter that you were gone." Paige's voice was angry and she dropped her backpack hard on to the floor. Mary groaned angrily.

"Remind me to kick him in the fucking nuts when I see him!"

"And you..." Paige snapped, turning in her seat to glare into Riley. "I should kick..."

"Hey, leave his nuts out of this." Mary demanded. "For starters, I need them and secondly he's bound to destroy them all on his own at some point without any help from you. Fuck... and the ego you'd gain from it? God knows you don't need it boosted any higher."

Riley shifted uncomfortably and sunk lower into his seat, hugging his guitar tightly across his lap. Shooting one more stern glare at him... Paige turned back around in her seat and spared his manhood.

"This was my choice, Paige." Mary snapped her seat beat on and everyone quickly followed her lead, almost comically fast.

Riley pulled his extra tight against his chest due to the angry women in the front seat...one behind the wheel. Somehow it still seemed like the better idea to stick them in the back and Riley seemed to be thinking that now too though he didn't look brave enough to mention it with the flame on Mary's cheeks. Paige loves her. She could still bet on that even if Mary's hands ended up around Paige's throat. Paige loves her and won't make Mary drive them all off the road. The longer they stayed parked in the driveway the better.

"I can't believe your choice was to go to fucking Oregon and not even tell me." Paige shouted bitterly, attempting to brush rain drops from her bare arms as she shivered.

"Oh sorry Mom, I didn't realize I had to ask for my ex-employer's permission." Mary reached over into the glovebox and offered her a small hand towel before flipping the heat up on the air controls. "Aren't I older than you anyways? Even without my fake id?"

"It doesn't mean you're more mature, Marley." Paige retorted, the volume of her voice too high for the small enclosed space. After drying her arms she handed the towel back to Mary.

"Rich coming from you right now." Mary shot, bringing the towel to dry and scrunch up her long chocolate curls, touseling them around her shoulder again. "With your little impulsive quest to give up the show. You're such a fucking hypocrite sometimes."

"You should talk." Paige shot, taking the towel when Mary passed it back and shoving it back into the glovebox for her.

"Yeah? Well you should _not_ talk, Paige! Why don't you try that for a fucking change!" Mary snapped, pulling the car on to the street and shifting straight into a higher speed. The engine made an odd sound from her shifting too soon out of anger and she saw Riley make a painful face but he kept quite...mostly.

"Can you put on some angry chick music to break up this awkward silence?" Riley asked, leaning up between the front seats with a proud smile.

"Damnit, Riley." Paige shouted in frustration, slapping him away.

She had to admit it may have been uncalled for of Riley to throw humor into a clearly intense and stressful situation but she had to bite back a small smile. Riley's green eyes looked over at her and he sunk lower in his seat again with his guitar still on his lap. The way he arched his eyebrows playfully made her worry for his life and when his fingers started over the strings again her heart both ached for Paige and Mary fighting and also...again she feared for his life.

_*"I'll be there for yoooou, when the rain starts to pour. I'll be there for yooooou..."*_

"Oh my God." Mary groaned in annoyance and glared at him in the review mirror. His fingers froze over the strings and he hung his head in defeat.

There was admiration for Riley's attempt to soothe the tension but this seemed a bit beyond his singing talents, and he is talented. Smokey and raw with a touch of that soft whisper that makes goosebumps rise on your skin the second the words leave his lips. His fingers caressing each string like he's touching a lover, touching Mary. He could easily have a place beside her in the show and just remembering them performing in the improv gave her chills. Riley seemed too humble about his talent to perform for crowds though. It felt close to him, intimate and private. Something only his and meant for only one person to hear. That was his choice and it was special. When she saw him for the first time she'd been drunk and questioning his choice in body art. And now? Well she quickly learned he wasn't that tough guy she had expected him to be. Not then and certainly not now. It's crazy how wrong first impressions can be. How image and appearance can affect how you see someone and what you think of them. Mary was proof of that too. Though...Riley's inability to back down and the way he loves risking injury to his body was something completely in his character and something she couldn't help but expect from him since he'd wrestled with Paige in Charleston. He was playing with fire now as he smiled over at her again. Luckily fire was something he's very good at handling.

_*"Lean on me...when you're not strong. I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry oooooon, for..."*_

"For fuck's sake, Riley!" Paige snapped, reaching around to punch his leg and making him put his hands up in quick surrender which made her decide to punch him three more times just to ensure he was done. The second she turned around again his fingers moved to strum chords.

_*"I'll stand by you. I'll stand by you. Won't let nobody hurt yoooooou."*_

"RILEY!" Paige and Mary snapped in unison. She reached over now and shoved his arm and this time he sighed lightly, winking and sliding the guitar to the floor between his legs.

That was an hour ago.

Paige and Mary hadn't spoken a word in over an hour and they hadn't even gotten out of the city yet. Mary punched the steering wheel making Riley cringe every time they hit a red light which was every three minutes or so. Paige groaned in frustration. The houses outside the window became a blur more because of the rain than Mary's speed but that was still a bit excessive when she wasnt slamming on the brakes for another traffic light. The things she could see through the windshield was a dreary watercolor of a city beginning to fade away, grays and blues with the smeared colors of lights, greens and reds...golds. Her heart pounded when she saw the gold fields appear outside of Riley's window and it beat faster when she looked at Paige and saw her looking at them too.

"I have to pee." Riley mumbled, fighting a smile but not being very successful.

"Why the fuck didn't you go before we left the house?" Mary snapped. "We're just getting out of town!"

"Because you screamed at us to get in the car!" He laughed, "We weren't gonna leave the house for another hour!" His voice was sarcastic, still trying so hard to lighten the tension. "Thank you for showing up Paige because we were also gonna have sex first but now we'll have to have angry sex later which I'm completely fine with." Bless his heart. He made Mary smile, albeit just for a second and even Paige smiled more out of disbelief at his antics.

"Do you seriously have to pee?" Mary asked, arching her eyebrows sternly.

"Just put you finger over the end and hold it in." Paige suggested.

"Have you ever put your finger over a garden hose when it's on?" Riley quipped. "This is a small enclosed space."

Mary glared into him through the mirror again. "Seriously? Right now?"

Riley looked hesitant to answer now. A war forming in his head quickly over whether or not he wanted to risk getting out of the car and possibly punched by two angry women. He also squirmed in his seat slightly and she was beginning to know the feeling.

"Um...I do...if its okay."

Paige's head snapped around to her. "Yeah, of course." She replied, quickly straightening herself up in her seat and looking at Mary.

Mary nodded enthusiastically right away, all fight gone as she clicked on the turn signal and pulled into a gas station on the left side of the road. She chanced looking over at Riley and smiled proudly when his jaw dropped. The girls didn't hesitate when she asked but poor Riley risked being massacred by their fingernails that were to be painted red with his blood. She winked at him this time.

Riley flew from the car the second Mary climbed out and flipped her seat up for him, making a bee line towards the gas station entrance. Mary's body tensed as she looked around her eyes moving across the street and then grazing over Paige before she turned on her heels and walked after Riley. The scenery came into focus perfectly without rain streaked windows. Gold fields spanned for miles behind the gas station and the city of Lincoln was misty and glowing in the distance against a charcoal grey sky, almost purple as rain touched everything. Across the road sat a trailer park shrouded in green shady trees. She swallowed weakly as she looked at Paige and instantly she knew. It was her fault maybe, for telling them she needed the bathroom. Why couldn't she have waited to say something for another twenty minutes..or even ten. Looking back down the road there wasnt anything but fields and houses and small car wash sign. The bushes were even beginning to sound good over this gas station sitting so close to a nightmare.

Paige smiled. Paige was looking at her and smiling. "Do you really need the restroom or were you just helping Riley?"

"No, that was for me too." She chuckled, closing the car door and taking Paige's hand.

"Okay but if we're fast enough in and out we can claim the back seat."

She groaned softly and pulled Paige towards the door. "No. You two need to talk and the sooner the better."

"Does it look like we're gonna talk anytime soon?" Paige argued, pulling her backwards and to a stop just before the entrance. Neon lights hanging in the windows casted a faint red across Paige's skin. "I don't know what to say and she doesn't seem to want to listen."

"That's maybe the problem, Paige." She sighed and pulled her closer by the waist, holding her flush against her body. The rain had turned into misty drizzle but it was warm and light. "Maybe start with _her_ talking and _you_ listening. It goes both ways and until you two stop trying to verbally choke each other...you're up front."

Paige groaned and hung her head, staring at down between them at their feet. "Em..."

"I love you all so much already. I reeeaally love _you_..." she stressed with a soft smile. "You need to try and figure this out. What ever it is, because I wasted so many years hiding. You're so much alike. Even when you're fighting you're not really fighting."

"I promise we're really fighting." Paige disagreed sadly.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she watched Paige's expression become muddled again, a mixture of so many thing. "Are you okay?" She pressed. "I mean I know you're not and that this is hard but I just..." her mouth moved to speak words but she felt useless here. "I'm here. Like_ really_ here and I know its implied but I'll say it. You can tell me anything...anytime just know that."

"It's hard." Paige admitted, barely missing a beat and replying without second thought. "I'm sorry you had to be there for all of that. The screaming and fighting. I'm really angry about all of it and I know I'm just as responsible for this as she is and probably more so but...its never really been like this between us. We fight sometimes but not like this and it's just really frustrating because I feel powerless and I like being in control and I know I can't control her or Riley...I mean obviously I can't." Paige forced a deep breath and closed her eyes as her head hung helplessly. "I'm sorry."

She thought of saying something about two apologies but that thought barely slowed down long enough for her to note it at all. It was passing, innocent but disappeared the second it surfaced. It wasn't what Paige needed now. Paige was confiding in her and being honest and the last thing she needed was for her concerns to brushed aside with playful humor. Paige needed the truth and that truth rested between the lines of her and Mary's fight. Something they wouldn't have noticed in the moment of their tempers but something she had noticed effortlessly. Paige and Mary had been screaming at each other but still caring for each other with their actions. Mary flipping the heat when Paige shivered and passing the towel back and forth. Even when they were fighting...they weren't really fighting. They were still loving each other.

"I don't think 'soul mate' has to be only one person in your lifetime and I don't think its definition is always 'lover'. She's more than just a 'little' like you, Paige."

Paige crinkled her eyebrows in thought and looked up at her. Chocolate eyes melting as she brought her hand up to wipe a rain drop from her check. Her breath hitched feeling the heat of Paige's hand. Such a huge contrast to the rain that felt warm seconds ago. It was ice water now. Her eyes fell to Paige's lips and those lips fell to her own, soft and so warm. Just the taste she found there made her heart beat faster and the ground shift beneath her feet. In the seconds that followed the only thoughts in her mind were the ones that told her to cave on the whole seating arrangement. The second Paige pulled away the thoughts did too, replaced by clear images of the banter between Paige and Mary over the game of strip maiden and the fun playful conversation between all of them the morning Mary made pancakes, how welcoming they were to her when she woke up for the first time on a train moving across the country. Those things were more important right now. She wanted them to be saved and not just turned into memories that they'd never have again. She wanted to add to those memories. She didn't feel so useless anymore.

"Who's yours?" Paige whispered, pressing a light kiss to the corner of her mouth.

"My what?"

Paige crinkled her eyes with a smile. "Non-lover soul mate?" She cocked her head in thought, her mouth closing and then gaping again. "Or...I guess it'd be platonic soul mate?"

"Mmmmm..." she chuckled . "Umm I'd say Hanna but she's nothing like me so I'm stealing Riley for myself."

"Riley?" Paige groaned playfully. "That actually makes sense."

"He's amazing..." She nodded with a smile. "...and he's mine so I'll be in the back seat and you'll be up front." She reiterated, getting an accepting smile from Paige as she pulled her tighter into her arms.

"So...what was the piece of paper for?" Paige whispered, burying her nose in her hair against her neck and breathing deeply. "The purple one?"

She pulled back to look at her. "Is it okay if I keep one thing from you?" She asked. "Something just between me and Mary?"

Paige crinkled her eyebrows again just slightly but she nodded. "Yeah, of course."

The only thing she saw was honesty and trust in her eyes. "Then all you need to know is that it got Mary in the car didn't it?"

"Well, I'm curious but that's true so...fair enough." Paige smiled and reached for the door to hold it open for her. If it was possible for her to love Paige more it happened in this moment. A moment of trust even knowing something was being withheld from her. Paige didn't falter.

The inside of the gas station was small but nicer than the outside hinted at. The floors were clean and so were the bathrooms, thankfully. After washing her hands she exited into the narrow hallway to find Paige waiting at the end, leaning into the wall with one boot kicked up and her left hand tucked casually in her front pocket. She couldnt help but smile at seeing that stance again.

"Are you hungry?" Paige asked, pushing up from the wall. "I don't think I'm very good at making sure we eat. Even once a day."

She chuckled and nodded, taking Paige's hand. "I could eat, but I'm just as responsible for us skipping meals."

Mary was loading Riley's arms with drinks and rolling a cherry lollipop over her tongue, tucking it in her cheek to utilize both hands when she turned to grab chips. She helped Paige pick out a variety of wrapped sandwiches and they brought them to the counter where a little old man was sitting on a stool. Mary was still picking over things and now Riley was swapping drinks out for others so Paige pulled her card out to pay.

"Well I'll be damned." The man smiled. "I havent seen you in here in years."

Paige smiled politely "No offense to your store but I try to stay away from this side of town."

"That's fair enough." He nodded. "Not much over here except for drug dealers and girls slipping into stranger's cars all night. Some couple even risked it broad daylight yesterday after a commotion with some teenagers." He shook his head in disbelief. "Young people today..."

"Thank you." Paige smiled graciously and went to grab the bag.

"I know you though." He added. "I take my grandchildren to your show every year."

"I'm glad you like it enough to come back." Paige grinned, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Say hi next time?"

"Count on it, Sweetheart."

"Can you do me a favor?" Paige asked him, pulling the candy-striped card from her back pocket.

"Anything for the beautiful ladies."

"There's another beautiful lady in here and she dropped this." Paige smiled and slid the card across the counter. "Can you make sure everything they buys goes on it and that she gets it back?"

"Of course." He nodded, his wrinkled hand moved shakingly to pick it up.

Paige grabbed their bag. "Thank you." She glanced over at Mary and Riley arguing over different packs of gum and held the door open for her and chuckled when it closed behind them.

"Are you blushing?"

"What?" Paige laughed, shaking her head. "He's adorable but he's like eighty."

Paige stopped beside the car and pulled open the door, leaning in over the seat to put the bag inside. Her eyes naturally moved over her body but too quickly movement elsewhere caught her eyes. A few cars down there was a flash of familiar blonde hair that sparked anger through her body. Cassie was being flanked by two other girls and the three of them came to a stop under a red neon lights, all of them laughing and passing a lit cigarette around. The thing she noticed first was that it didn't actually smell anything like a cigarette. It was something far more earthy and potent. Cassie was wearing the same ripped denim skirt with boots and black tank top and the others were dressed similar, shorts on one and another skirt on the other. Both of them she recognized from the day before, though which one of them was Cassie's girlfriend was unclear. They were all touching each other in small suggestive ways.

Another thing she noticed was that they were _unnoticed_ beside Riley's car and that was either a blessing or just prolonging the inevitable, another encounter. Paige was shuffling through her backpack and was completely oblivious to Cassie and her friends. Part of her wanted to keep it that way. To shove Paige into the car and lock themselves in together to ignore the fire coursing under her skin. The final and most important thing she noticed was that Mary was coming out the door still rolling her red candy over her tongue in the kind of way that made her the best person to look to for advice on eating cupcakes and making it look sexy. Her deep purple shirt looked vibrant under the lights. Something in the tensing of Mary's body said she knew Cassie was there but Mary kept her eyes away and bit her tongue as she walked by. Riley was still inside at the counter and Cassie's friends stood their ground fiercely at seeing Mary there alone, unwilling to let her ignore them.

"The whore is still in town."

"Oh look she does work the red-light district." Mary smiled and turned to face her, her blue eyes flickering up to the neon light Cassie was standing under. "Its says 'yes we're open'." She smirked "So true when referring to your legs."

"I heard the train left and amazingly you're still here." Cassie smiled smugly.

"I'm really glad you're here too actually." Mary insisted. "I never got to fully kick your ass for being a fucking rapist."

Paige heard the voices and straightened herself up. Her eyes moved to Mary first and then her shoulders tensed when she quickly took in Cassie and the two girls Mary was out numbered by.

"Please." Cassie scoffed. "I'm not scared of you. And Paige wanted it she just didn't want to admit it." No amount of distance between them or red lighting could hide the red on Mary's cheeks.

"Did she want that?" Mary shouted, her fists clenching tightly as she took an intimidating step closer. "Did she say the words, Cassie? Did she tell you that she wanted everything you did to her?"

"She didn't have to say it."

"She _did_ have to say it actually." Mary snapped. "You fucking bitch!"

She was ready to strike and Paige moved fast, walking around the car and up the front sidewalk of the gas station. She stayed by her side and Cassie's eyes fell instantly on their approach. She could easily pick up the disappointment at not having lucked into finding Mary alone.

"Cassie just leave!" Paige snapped.

Mary froze with her fist already raised and Cassie's eyes widened in surprise at seeing Paige there when she was supposed to be on the train. "Wow Paige, did Pennsylvania here get you to settle down? You're giving everything up for her to start a happy little family?" She mocked.

Her stomach turned and she felt her blood pressure rise just at seeing Cassie again but more so from her saying Paige's name in any context. The name that made her lose all train of thought. When Peter had said it her first morning on the train when she'd ran into him outside of Paige's bedroom door. When Mary and Riley had said it around the table at breakfast. It made her heart beat faster every time and hearing Cassie say it made her angry. That name should never make her feel angry. It was wrong. Paige flexed her hand and she realized her grip on Paige's hand was too tight.

"Sorry." She whispered, lightening her hold.

Paige smiled at her and looked back at Cassie. "In a heartbeat." She nodded. "And I'd give it up for Emily...any one of them. Marley, Riley...never for you. Move on already."

"Shame I'd love to but I live here." Cassie smiled sarcastically, her eyes flickering over to the trailer park lights on the other side of the road. "You're kind of on my turf now."

"Glad to see you've made something of yourself." Paige's eyes flickered down to the lit joint in Cassie's hand. She tighten her grip on her hand again and turned to lead the way towards the car, stopping to see that Mary was moving to follow. The closing of a truck door brought their eyes to a guy roughly their age with grungy black shaggy hair and eyes just as dark. His jeans where grease stained and white tshirt was too.

"Looks like you have a potential customer." Mary shook her head in disgust and turned towards the car. "He looks savory."

Paige glared into Cassie and ran her thumb softly over her knuckles as they moved to follow Mary. The next words made Paige freeze completely.

"Are you the bitch that hit my little sister?"

Mary froze and smirked proudly, turning on her heals towards the voice. "That depends. The cunt I punched doesn't have a brother."

"Step-brother." He corrected, wrapping his arm around Cassie's hips as she leaned into him and his thumb tucked lightly under the hem of her skirt.

"I'm guessing you like to fuck little sister?" Mary cocked her head. The way Cassie slinked her arm around his stomach it was clear they had a close relationship. "A happy little family of incest?"

"You better watch your pretty little mouth or I'll give you something to keep it busy with."

"Honey, nothing on your body is big enough to keep my mouth busy." Mary rolled the cherry candy over her tongue and ran her eyes over him. "I've been spoiled though so my standards are just too damn high." She tisked "Its a shame really. I'm ruined."

"Well come on then Baby, drop to your knees and learn the hard way about making assumptions."

"You wouldn't be able to get it up for me." Mary smiled. "we're not family."

"Do I need to slap you to the ground and put you in your place or are one of you bitches gonna volunteer to go first." He grinned. "There's plenty to go around."

Paige gripped her hand tighter and clenched her right hand into a fist. Protective and on guard

Mary smiled. "Mmmm no need when dear sweet baby sister is more than happy to swap diseases with you."

"Fine how about the hot-shot ex-girlfriend I hear so much about?" The man grabbed Paige's arm and her body had never moved faster. Her eyes zeroed in on the image like she was looking through a magnifying glass. She could see the dirt under his fingernails and the grease on his hands, the impression he was making on the ivory of Paige's arm, his calloused skin against her soft. Mary moved just as fast and their hands both slammed into the man's chest at the same time, breaking his grasp on Paige. Everything happened so quickly but as he staggered back Cassie stepped forward to block them and reflex sent her hand shooting out to stop her advance. She wasnt aware of how hard she had pushed her until she watched Cassie hit the pavement with a stunned look on her face. Her only thought was 'Nebraska.'

She felt Paige's arms around her waist and realized she had lunged for Cassie with a raised fist. Paige pulled her close, stopping her just as Cassie flinched, expecting the blow. Her heart jumped as she looked for the man, expecting him to charge forward and slam into her. He was gone. Not gone but rather no longer standing in front of them. Riley had burst through the door and grabbed him by the back of his shirt, slamming him into brick side of the building and pinning him there with his forearm across his throat.

"What the fuck is your problem?" He shouted. Suddenly Riley wasnt the sweet sensitive guy anymore. In the blink of an eye he was on fire, visibly shaking with his temper and Mary was the only one that didn't recoil from seeing him so strong. "Did your mother never teach you how to treat women or do abusive fuckers like you just run in the family?"

Riley lost to this man in height but just barely and his strength was a clear victory. The man's hands shot up in surrender but Riley's fist crashed into his stomach and would have had him doubling over against the wall if he hadn't been pinned by the neck.

Cassie pulled herself from the ground but kept her distance from everyone, hovering in between. "Stop it!" She shouted

"Riley..." Paige called flatly, trying to pull him back with words. She wasnt trying very hard.

She could see the tension in Riley's jaw and the flex of the muscles on his arms but the man didn't dare moved under his hold. Riley's eyes were conflicted. Venom and hatred mixed with love and peace as Mary's arms wrapped around his stomach to pull him back. The second she touched him he let go, allowing the man to hunch over in a coughing fit.

"Take this asshole home and tend to his wounds." Riley snapped, burning his green eyes into Cassie as she moved to her brother's side and reaching automatically for Mary. His hand went to cup her cheek as he pressed a light kiss to her forehead.

Paige pulled her attention away from the fight, back to her. The tension in her shoulders faded and the fists relaxed, instantly finding solace in running down Paige's ivory skin on her arms and into her hands. She smiled and Paige looked a little bewildered by that smile but her brown eyes softened as they moved to walk with Mary and Riley back to the car. She found some satisfaction in pushing Cassie to the ground, more than she'd admit to Paige. The level of strong that made her feel was straight energy through her veins and Paige looked concerned but also so proud. Back at the car the original seating arrangement was still in effect.

"Fuck, can we please not stop again until we're at least out of this damn state?" Mary groaned.

"What the hell would have happened if we hadn't been here?" Paige snapped, glaring into Mary as she clicked her seatbelt on.

It was clear Paige was angry and Mary was too, but Paige wasnt hearing anything she had said before. The tension returned automatically into her body and all words of trying to talk to Mary had been forgotten. She sunk lower into the backseat and so did Riley as Mary whipped her head over to look at Paige just as angrily, throwing the candy-striped card blatantly up on to the dashboard as if to make a point.

"What would have happened without you?" She asked sarcastically. "Probably the same thing that should have happened with you being here, Paige. You should have stayed the hell out of it."

Paige rolled her eyes. "And then what? A fight?"

"Well, that kind of happened even with you butting in so I don't see how you being absent would have mattered."

"Cassie had two of her friends with her!" Paige pointed out. "I'd mention the brother but he's clearly irrelevant with Riley around."

Mary glared into Paige and she just looked blown away now. "You really _overestimate_ your fucking ex girlfriend don't you, Paige? She's a bluffer, she's not tough." She scoffed. "Fuck, I could have had her down in one hit just like I could have yesterday if you hadn't kept her from falling. By the time she tried to pull herself up her bitch friends would either stepped back or their asses would have been hitting pavement too."

"And that's so much better than just walking away from it?"

"Yes because she really would have just let me walk away silently with her little backup fighters at her side." Mary groaned in frustration and shook her head. "She's not a fighter Paige...and maybe she needs to learn to stop pretending she is when she can't back it up. Did you not see Emily knock her on her ass?" Mary asked, arching her eyebrows. "She needs a reality check before she ends up with more than just a busted lip or before she hurts someone else the way she hurt you."

"Perfect so you're doing her a favor?" Paige argued.

"You don't fucking get it. She _likes_ going out of her way to hurt people. Do you really think I'm the kind of person she is?" Mary snapped, slamming the shifter forward.

Paige sighed and shook her head. "No! You're nothing like her I just don't want you getting hurt any more than the bruises on..."

"Just shut up now, okay?" Mary pleaded. "Please...just fucking stop."

Neither her or Riley felt brave enough to speak. The tension between Paige and Mary was palpable enough without help from either of them. They didn't speak at all, aside from Riley's previous music request and him trying to heal them with his voice they kept quiet. The rain drops on the windows obscured the views and she gave up trying to see anything. Riley reached into a small bag on the floor and passed around sandwiches and bottles of juice and water, tossing a few bags of chips into Paige's lap and handing one gently to her. They ate in silence and the whole time her heart ached more for Paige and Mary. Her eyes flickered between the two of them but mostly they stayed on Paige. It was getting ridiculous two hours later. Riley nudged her arm playfully and she nudged back. He kicked her leg...she kicked back. Slapping happened at one point and possibly a headlock. Yes...they were that bored. Resorting to child-like activities to keep from screaming for Mary and Paige to just talk already. Eventually the playful pushing died down and they just got more tired.

Riley had shifted closer behind Mary and rubbed his fingers gingerly into the back of her neck, making her head roll slightly to the side and her eyes close for just a split second as she tried to relax into his hands. Most people probably want a fairy-tale relationship that's all fields of flowers and running into each others arms. Those things are amazing but something about what Mary and Riley have appealed to her more. Just a look or a single simple touch says everything even if the actions don't always match. They understand each other. It's in the things they don't say. They don't have to.

Only able to see Paige's profile as her head rested into her window she leaned forward and inched her hand up into the space between the front seat and the door, touching Paige softly on her side. She didn't startle, she'd been waiting. Heat burned into her as Paige took her hand and squeezed, tracing her thumb over her knuckles and saying 'I love you' without words. She felt it. She felt just how much she loved her and the same strength behind Paige's love for Mary and Riley too. All light in the sky disappeared outside of the window, leaving the sky a swirling purple from rain clouds. She fell back in the seat as her eyes struggled to stay open, trying not break her hold on Paige's hand, leaving her arm outstretched and going numb with each passing second. It didnt matter as long as they were touching. Riley leaned back and slouched lower into the seat too, letting his head fall to his window as his eyes closed and bringing his arms up to cross comfortably over his chest. Her eyes felt heavy and they closed. Alarm struck through her when the flame of Paige's skin disappeared from her hand but by that point she was too tired to fight it, lulled to sleep by the strong hum of the car's engine. They had states to travel through together.

* * *

**Ships In The Night- Matt Kearny {I Do Not Own These Lyrics}**

Like ships in the night  
You keep passing me by  
Just wasting time  
Trying to prove who's right  
And if it all goes crashing into the sea  
If it's just you and me  
Trying to find the light

Like ships in the night letting cannonballs fly  
Say what you mean and it turns to a fight  
Fists fly from my mouth as it turns south  
You're down the driveway  
I'm on the couch  
Chasing your dreams since the violent fifth grade  
Trying to believe in your silent own way  
Cause we'll be okay, I'm not going away  
Like you watching at fourteen as it went down the drain  
Your pops stayed the same and your moms moved away  
How many of our parents seem to make it anyway  
We're just fumbling through the gray  
Trying to find a heart that's not walking away

Turn the lights down low  
Walk these halls alone  
We can feel so far  
From so close

Like ships in the night  
You keep passing me by  
Just wasting time  
Trying to prove who's right  
And if it all goes crashing into the sea  
It's just you and me  
Trying to find the light  
Like ships in the night  
Your passing me by  
Your passing me by  
Like ships in the night

I'm at the airport waiting on the second plane  
Had to pack you had cramps  
And I was late heading to a red carpet  
They wont know my name  
Riding in silence  
All that we wanna say  
Bout to board when you call on the phone  
You say I'm sorry I'll be waiting at home  
Feels like we're burning this out on our own  
Trying to find our way down a road we don't know

Turn the lights down low  
Walk these halls alone  
We can feel so far  
From so close

Like ships in the night  
You keep passing me by  
Just wasting time  
Trying to prove who's right  
And if it all goes crashing into the sea  
Its just you and me  
Trying to find the light  
Like ships in the night  
Your passing me by  
Your passing me by  
Like ships in the night

I'm gonna find my way  
Back to your side [X2]

Like ships in the night  
You keep passing me by  
Just wasting time  
Trying to prove who's right  
And if it all goes crashing into the sea  
Its just you and me  
Trying to find the light  
Like ships in the night  
Your passing me by  
Your passing me by  
Like ships in the night

* * *

**I'll Stand By You- The Pretenders {I Do Not Own These Lyrics}**

Oh, why you look so sad?  
Tears are in your eyes  
Come on and come to me now  
Don't be ashamed to cry  
Let me see you through  
'cause I've seen the dark side too  
When the night falls on you  
You don't know what to do  
Nothing you confess  
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad  
Don't hold it all inside  
Come on and talk to me now  
Hey, what you got to hide?  
I get angry too  
Well I'm a lot like you  
When you're standing at the crossroads  
And don't know which path to choose  
Let me come along  
'cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
Take me in, into your darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you  
I'll stand by you

And when...  
When the night falls on you, baby  
You're feeling all alone  
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you  
Take me in, into your darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you  
I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note:** Thank you once again to everyone following the story and waiting so patiently between updates. I've contemplated making smaller chapters to speed up the process but I love solid chapters so I think for now they'll stay as they are. Thank you to everyone that is taking the time to read and to everyone sending feedback. It means the world to me and really inspires me to keep the story going. Especially after chapter 18 I was a bit of a wreck and RV almost ended untimely with that chapter but I received a lot of encouragement to keep going so thank you so much. I have amazing friends because of Blue Lace and this story and all of you inspire me daily. Thank you!

*If you tip your waiters or if you don't but feel you should...let **all** of your writers know how they're doing!*

Love to all of you! Find me on twitter at** rcampdel** Paily*Love*Story to check out beautiful cover art for the story by: **Saii79**

Enjoy!

* * *

**_"What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined ... to strengthen each other ... to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories." -George Eliot_**

Movement beside her brought her eyes from the yellow lines in the middle of the road up to look at Mary. She switched her right hand out on the steering wheel and replaced it with her left, moving it to tousled the chocolate curls around her shoulders before letting it fall lightly to her thigh. That was it, no further movement. Every time Mary moved she couldn't keep herself from looking over at her to see if maybe Mary was looking at her but the blue eyes hadn't touched her in hours and it was no different this time. Mary's eyes stayed on the road and the only lighting she had to see her came from the soft glow of the dashboard. She had memorized everything the light touched...even Mary. Blues and reds that made the deep purple of Mary's shirt more vibrant, glowing against the cream of her skin, the pink on her cheeks and her lips that were slightly parted as she breathed quietly. She'd had hours to memorize it. There was nothing else to do. The worst was the way the light touched Mary's hand.

She swallowed weakly and looked away, casting her eyes back out her window. It was amazing the amount of focus they've had to stay awake without any form of stimulation. No music from the radio and no talking. There wasn't even the option of enjoying the scenery because the blackness of night engulfed everything the headlights didn't reach. She knew they weren't in Nebraska anymore only because a large sign had welcomed them to another state not long ago. She wasnt sure which one and she didn't care enough to note it. That was all she had...signs and mile markers and the lines in the road that made her feel nauseous as they zipped past. Her head felt foggy.

"Okay I'm done." She whispered, sitting up more in her seat. "Pull the car over."

"Pleeeaaase, Paige." Mary sighed, shaking her head and bringing her hand up to rub into her temples. "More fighting?"

"I don't know, Mar." She shrugged in defeat. "This silence thing isn't working for me and I need air so if we're just gonna keep ignoring each other than please let me out so I take a deep breath before holding it for another six hours."

"I'm not trying to ignore you, okay?" She whispered. "Maybe I just don't know what to say."

She swallowed hard and looked out the window into the dark sky. They'd been on the road for six hours and hadn't spoken in five hours and fifty-six minutes. Emily's hand had fallen away three hours and forty-eight minutes ago. The fact that she had coughed out those numbers so fast was reason enough to get the hell out of the car. It was after midnight now.

"Listen..." Mary started. "I'm not ever gonna apologize for hitting Cassie. She's lucky I didn't do worse and I think you know that... but I am sorry for not telling you I was leaving. I should have given you that...I just didn't know how."

"You didn't have to tell me. You're not even an employee, remember?" She sighed. "Not that I even know how the hell that happened."

There was more bitter sarcasm in her voice then she intended but she was beginning to feel so helpless in the matter that she didn't care to hide it. Instantly she scolded herself for feeling like that. It was Mary she was talking about and she cared too much about her to just give up. Emily's words rang through her head about listening and her heart began to ache when she thought about her other words, ones she never expected from Emily but ones that were so special coming from her mouth. Words about Mary's role in her life. Her eyes flickered over to her and what she saw broke her heart. Mary nodded, accepting the cold words like she deserved them. She didn't deserve them.

"Okay...you should have told me you were staying behind but with how I reacted I get why you didn't." She admitted. "I just wanted the chance to talk about everything and figure it out and when you weren't on the train I was hurt and I freaked out."

Mary looked at her and in the dark of the car she could see so much hurt in her eyes too. "You're right to be mad. It was selfish of me but...I got scared." Mary admitted, looking over at her with pained eyes. "If I had still been signed on to the show I can't promise I would have changed anything that I did. Employee or not I _would_ have hit Cassie and that scares me because my impulse could have really hurt you. The show is so important to you and I could have fucked it up."

"Don't down-play the show like that, Mar." She called her out. "It's important to you too so don't try to tell me it isn't. You're a huge part of all of this."

"I needed to deal with my own problems without them affecting the people around me." Mary shook her head at a loss and looked over at her. "When you found me it was at a time when I was looking for something. I needed something else and I didn't hesitate to take this opportunity because it was an escape, one that I quickly found my passion in but...I needed to watch the train leave without me. I needed to know I was strong enough to make the decision and let it all go. Whatever happened after that..happened...but at least I know now that I'm strong enough to take care of myself if I need to before I can focus on anyone else. I made a choice, for once, without worrying about how it would affect anyone but myself."

She nodded and looked at her hands twisted together in her lap. It all made sense. There were so many times when she felt the same way about this lifestyle. So many times when she felt it would be best to leave it all behind and find what she really wanted...if there even was anything she wanted besides the show. The point was that she gave herself the choice and the chance to want something else. She was never able to leave though and they were mostly just passing thoughts. The closest she'd come was back in Rosewood...for Emily. If she was being honest that was more for herself than anything. She just wanted Emily to be okay. Her happiness, especially now, would always be found with Emily's happiness. She had the same love for her family. Even though it was out of her control sometimes she still wanted all of them happy because in return it made her feel complete too. She glanced over at Mary beside her and the thought of her not being there was painful.

"Mar...I'm sorry." She whispered. "I should have told you about Cassie and I should have stepped up more when she started attacking you. I felt sick that she did that."

Mary shook her head and shrugged lightly. "It wasnt your job to defend me. I can take care of myself."

"Yes it was my job." She argued "You're important to me and Cassie was my fault. Her being there was my fault."

Mary scoffed in disgust and the anger returning in her eyes made her sink lower in her seat. "Cassie and what she did to you was not your fault." She snapped, her voice growing past a whisper. "If you ever say that it was your fault again I swear to God Paige I'll be knocking you on your ass next time."

Her temper was flaring and she expected her to fight back regardless of Riley and Emily sleeping in the backseat. She nodded. Something told her to nod. It wasn't much of the fight that Mary had expected but it was all she could manage. She was tired...drained. The blue eyes warmed and glazed over when she nodded weakly and now Mary just looked lost, defeated. She felt her eyes fog over too as she looked at Mary and how sad she seemed. They felt further from each other than they'd ever been.

"I don't know how this happened."

Mary sighed softly. "What exactly? Theres so many things to choose from."

She was right. There were so many things that had happened and gone wrong between them that she could spend hours ticking them off so she couldn't argue. But there was good too...wasn't there? Her mind answered yes even before the question even fully formed but it hurt that she had to ask herself that at all, that there was doubt trying to work its way in.

"I don't know how we've been in each other's lives almost every day for five years and we don't really know each other. I feel like we do but then I can't back it up with anything about you. It's just hard to explain."

"It just feel like I'm supposed to look out for you." Mary whispered. "I know I failed at that and I'm not the best person to look out for anyone. I haven't done anything to deserve that role. Hell, I can't even figure out my own shit most of the time but I always just needed to make sure you were okay." Mary's eyebrows crinkled thoughtfully as she looked over at her. "This whole time we've just had this insane ego-driven banter that somehow keeps me sane _and_ drives me crazy."

"I love our banter." She chuckled.

"I do too." Mary smiled. She felt relief at seeing a smile on her face because she hadn't seen a real one in the last few days. The smile belonged there.

"I don't ever feel like I have to tell you when somethings hurting me. Part of its my ego, that you've already pointed out, but it's also because I always feel better just knowing you're there. When I woke up in the hospital after the accident you guys were all there for me but...everytime I opened my eyes, day or night_ you_ were there."

"None of us left." Mary whispered. "Sometimes Peter and Riley would go for food or walk around but...I didn't leave the room once. Not for four days until we knew you were okay."

Her eyes watered more, blurring the lights from the dashboard as she swallowed the tightening in her throat. She couldn't remember much from being in the hospital, pain fluctuated in and out and pain killers left everything hazy, but she remembered everyone by her side. Mary's face was the clearest one but she hadn't realized that Mary hadn't left at all. Maybe that's why she was so clear and part of what played a role in her just assuming Mary would always be there. Assumptions weren't fair of her to make because it led to taking people for granted.

"To me you've always been here. It felt like enough but just because its enough for me doesn't mean its enough for you..." she ran her finger over the seam of the turquoise leather seat, the white thread stitched across the space between them. The foot of space felt like miles and brought a stinging behind her eyes like shards of glass. "I don't have many people left that look at me the way you do and I feel like if anyone understands me...without having to ask...its you. I mean we're both orphans aren't we?" Her voice felt weak and Mary's eyes softened more hearing her words. "I really want you to be happy though. If you don't want to be here..."

Mary squeezed her eyes shut briefly and forced a shaking breath as she blinked back moisture in her eyes. "We've both just been in places we shouldnt have had to be."

Mary seemed to go somewhere else, a pensive place that felt sad and brought goosebumps to her arms even when the air felt too hot. Mary shifted away from her behind the steering wheel and leaned her head against the window. It made her feel the strong uneasiness creeping back into her body, the same desperation she'd felt after dinner the night before. That feeling wasn't okay with her. It's all wrong.

"Mar, I don't want to make you feel like you can't talk to me to the point where you want to leave. I feel like it's just a given that we're here for each other, even if we don't say it.. but its wrong of me to assume that because if it made you feel like I don't care then you're wrong. I think that's why I didn't hesitate to show up outside of your door. It was the first and only place I thought of going because I knew you would just understand, even if it was wrong of me..."

"It wasn't wrong, Paige." Mary sighed softly. "I mean...it wasn't right for us to be an 'us', obviously, but it wasn't wrong. The fact that you felt like you could come to me even without us really knowing each other was something that always felt special to me. It's the biggest part of the unspoken thing we have and how we work. Because we _do_ work. It might now seem like we do all the time...but we do. Its honest and raw and this combative thing we do is ...well, its just 'us'. Its the way we are." She stated surely. "I don't feel like I have to question it or waste time doubting it because it feels easy...not wrong. I just don't know why we stopped there or why we didn't even try."

"What do you mean?" She pressed.

"Why didn't try to talk to each other about why it happened in the first place? I knew it was about Cassie but you didn't feel like you could tell me and I know I should have asked but..."

"You deserved to know." She agreed. "I should have apologized and I didn't."

"I never wanted an apology. I never needed one." Mary shook her head firmly. "Maybe part of me was scared to really know the truth." She admitted. "Asking meant getting answers that I wouldn't like..."

She swallowed hard and looked out her window into the darkness. Silence engulfed them effortlessly and the only sound came from the engine and the cool air flowing through the vents. Mary deserved more than just the screaming rant she'd thrown at Cassie before the improv. She deserved the truth more than anyone else.

"You know Cassie and I were together when I met you." She started, looking over at Mary to see a speechless look on her face, her eyes careful as she nodded weakly. Even four years later Mary clearly wasn't expecting this of her...but she needed to tell her. "She'd been with the show for almost a year but most of that time was just flirting and whatever game she liked playing at the time. I just didn't really catch on to what she was doing. The feelings were new to me and I still wasnt sure what they meant...maybe I didn't want to know." she sighed a forced laugh as she looked at her hands entangled in her lap. "A few months after you got here we were playing that stupid game and drinking and she slipped me something. She was more pushy than usual because she took something too but I didn't have time to really do anything about it. The next thing I knew my first time with anyone was being reduced to a blurry and numb mess and I didn't even know what I was supposed to be doing. I was so angry the next day and she acted like it was no big deal. She twisted things and made me think I'd wanted it to happen. I should have done things differently from that point on but I didn't. I stayed with her for weeks and tried to be happy. It was hard to avoid her because we were trapped on the train for days and I thought maybe something was wrong with me because I didn't feel anything, nothing when she was touching me, nothing physically or emotionally. Maybe I was broken. When I learned she was stealing from my parents somehow that was my turning point. I drew the line with money and my parents being taken advantage of but I hadn't drawn the line with my body." She felt disgusted just saying it out loud now. "I told her to leave at the next stop and she pushed me into the wall in my room. I didn't leave my room for a couple of days until I was sure she was gone and then I picked myself up. It didn't matter to me if I was broken because I knew she was more broken than I was and I couldn't fix her. I could fix myself."

"Paige..." Mary choked on her name and she blinked back tears. It was confusing because she didn't feel sad about it, not anymore, and she didn't want Mary to be sad about it either. "I was there. I was probably only a few rooms away and if I'd..." Mary shook her head to clear thoughts. She struggled but this was just the finer details to what Mary had heard the day before.

"I was scared to hurt everyone with the truth but I was selfish too because I didn't want to be pitied over it. We all try to protect each other too much..." she sighed. "Emily pointed that out and she's only observed our craziness for a week."

"Shes amazingly intuitive without even realizing it." Mary smiled weakly. "Her empathy though..." she breathed. "That girl seems to feel everything."

"Off the charts." She nodded. "She called me out a few days ago on not paying attention to you actually. I already knew that I wasnt but I was just made a blind spot because I hurt you when I showed up outside of your door. Admitting that Emily was right meant admitting that I hurt someone I love most and then failed to make it right afterwards."

"You didn't hurt me, Paige." Mary shook her head. "The things that _really_ hurt me have nothing to do with you. I can't be mad that you didn't tell me about Cassie when..."

"What?" She pressed for the truth but Mary bit her tongue and looked away. "We have to change what we were doing before because it clearly wasn't working for us."

Mary sighed and looked at her carefully. "I had a foster family when I was sixteen. They were perfect, at least to me. I was doing really good and going to private school taking advanced classes and working at a little diner after school and on weekends."

"Private school?" She smiled. "Like with the skirts and knee-highs?"

"Yes, Paige." Mary chuckled. "Is it a lesbian fantasy?"

"Isn't it everyone's fantasy?" She retorted.

Mary laughed again and nodded her head thoughtfully. "Yeah, probably."

Her smile widened but only briefly. Emily had urged her to listen and Mary was finally speaking about a past she knew nothing of. "What kind of classes?"

"AP English was a favorite but mostly Concert Choir and Theatre." Mary smiled.

"That's exactly you." She agreed. She could easily imagine little Marley critiquing a book with her opinion or speaking her mind through writing but the effortless images were those of her performing and being amazing in every aspect. "So they were the last family you had? They worked out?"

"They may have..." Mary's eyes furrowed and she reached to turn the cool air up higher on the dashboard controls. "I would have reacted to Cassie the way I did anyways because I care about you and what she did was..." she could see Mary tightening her fist around the steering wheel and with the bruises it had to be painful. Mary failing with her words again only made her more uneasy just as it had the night before.

"Mar?" She pressed, reaching to touch her arm lightly and bring her away from wherever she was.

"I not saying this to hurt you and I don't want you to feel sorry but...you said it yourself." Mary's eyes flickered over to her sheepishly "Last night after dinner you said something that made me decide to stay."

She could feel her heart sinking as she tried to remember everything she had said to Mary. Her mind was working too fast and coming up empty. Her goal last night had been to convince Mary to stay not seal her decision to leave the show. Her mouth gaped and she furrowed her eyebrows trying to think.

"You had _four years_ to get over what Cassie did to you." Mary repeated her words, watching her hesitantly.

"I don't understand..." She mumbled, feeling confused. "Why would that make you stay?"

"I've had ten years." Mary said warily. Her blood began boiling in a heart beat at what she thought Mary was saying. She had to be hearing wrong. "I've been in your place...ten years ago and I'm still not okay. I know what its like to be hurt the way Cassie hurt you." Her stomach clenched. She wasnt hearing wrong.

"N..no but..." she shook her head weakly, her voice cracking and her eyes slammed shut to ease the burn. The last thing she ever wanted was for Mary to relate to anything Cassie had done to her. She was manipulated and emotionally abused and...her throat tightened at the rest. "How...I don't..." she shook her head to clear it but it didn't work.

Mary looked at her softly, understanding her struggle with forming the right questions. Part of her knew that the answers to the questions passing through her head were going to be hard but they kept evading her, not allowing her to grasp any of them. They were moving too quickly. It didn't make asking them easy. Mary spoke before a solid question pieced itself together. They were all just a jumbled mess of words and letters that didn't make sense. At least she told herself they didn't.

"I was sixteen. That family I mentioned, Ben and Lexi Harper...they had a little girl. Gracie was around Molly's age, and another foster son, Bailey." Mary smiled speaking of them. "Riley kind of reminds me of him now that I think about it."

"How old was he?" She asked flatly. Her mind was working too fast already, trying to find answers that Mary was still getting to. Every name she said made her angry as she tried to think ahead and find the person that made Mary able to relate to what Cassie had done to her.

"Bailey was twelve." She breathed. "It's weird that he'd be like twenty-two now. Gracie would be about the age that I was then."

Mary's eyebrows furrowed again and the smile faded, struggle swirling in blue. Seeing her that way made her grip her hands into the edge of the seat until her knuckles screamed. There wasnt a thing that could prepare her and she couldn't protect Mary from whatever it was that had happened to her because she hadn't been there. She felt worse now for denying Mary that chance after Cassie left. The helpless look that Mary had yesterday when she'd learned the truth...she could relate to that feeling now.

"I was seeing a guy that was a few years older than me. He had outgrown the system a few months earlier without really finding the right place. Now I just think that part of him didn't want to find it. He hated the whole system and how it worked. I think he wanted the bad reputation but he was so different with me that I always hoped it wasnt who he really was. He's always gentle and never pushed me if I wasnt ready for something. I mean he was still a guy so he'd test little things, hand placements and pushing the boundaries of how far I'd let him go. But it was always just the eager horny male thing, wanting more and whining about it sometimes. I wasnt ready and I loved him for understanding that enough to not keep pushing the same issue or getting mad about it. I hadn't been with anyone intimately before."

Her throat tightened more and now she felt her stomach turn painfully. Her whole body feared what Mary was getting at, the reason she related to what Cassie had done to her. She hadn't been ready to have sex with Cassie and instead of Cassie being okay with that and respecting it she had slipped Rohypnol into their drinks during one of their card games. Cassie took it too but unlike Cassie she didn't realize it until it was too late. The cards in her hand became a blur and so did the room. All she had were vague images of Cassie kissing her and touching her...of her touching Cassie back while not even knowing how or why she was doing it. She couldn't feel anything. Maybe it wouldn't seem extreme to everyone but it was wrong. It wasnt what she wanted that night and never what she wanted her first time to be. Cassie had taken that from here.

"I went over to his place one morning before work and he had been drinking the whole night before. He was sweet at first, himself, but I could taste the alcohol on him and I got mad because he tried to push me further than I was ready to go. When I said no he told me he loved me for the first time and then he tried to push further again. He was still drunk and he grabbed me when I was trying to leave and at that point he got mad too. My foster dad was a social worker and he didn't want me to go home and tell him about his underage drinking and him being rough with me. I wasn't even planning on it. We were both supposed to be going to the diner to work the same shift but after fighting with him I just wanted to go home and hide in my room alone. I just wanted to think about things. The last thing on my mind was telling my family but I left his house and started walking home and he that's what he thought."

She brought her left boot up on to the seat to hug her thigh against her chest. Her eyes burned more with each passing second and her fingers went self-consciously to wipe at her cheek, using her knee to hide the movement from Mary. That's what their problem had been though, hiding things from each other. Both of them so worried that their true thoughts and feelings would only hurt the other. It couldn't be like that anymore. Not after this. She kicked her foot down and shifted towards her instead, forgetting about trying to stop moisture from falling. Looking at Mary she could see the same pain in her eyes that she saw when she had learned the truth about Cassie, the same hurt that had been there too much in the last two days. She was struggling too, her eyes glazing over in the same way. The thought of anyone touching Mary and...hurting...

"Can you pull over?" She asked, fighting back the burn in her eyes and the closing of her airway as she ripped her seat belt off. The space of the car was suddenly too small for breathing to come easily. Her eyes slammed shut and her hands clenched into fists. "Please just... pull the car over." Her voice was a lot harder than she meant for it to be but the walls were closing in too quickly.

Mary nodded weakly and signaled to the wide shoulder of the dark road. The car had barely stopped before she threw open the door and stepped out. She felt nauseous and the air outside wasn't nearly cool enough to find relief. Mary climbed out after her and walked slowly around the hood of the car, watching her hesitantly in a very knowing way. Just her blue eyes told her that the things she was imaging right now...the possible scenarios she was seeing in her mind...were right. The most wrong truth in the world when it comes to anyone let alone someone you love.

"Marley?" she looked at her pleadingly, wanting her to say she was kidding and that the horrible thoughts in her head...the images...they had to be wrong. Her hand moved to cover her stomach soothingly, willing it to stop twisting the way it was now because she could feel acid rising in her throat.

Mary choked on the air, looking up to the dark sky and blinking back tears in her eyes. She forced a weak breath before sitting on the hood of the car letting her head hang sadly. She sat quiet and unmoving. She didn't speak for what felt like hours but when she finally did every breath and every word that left her lips looked capable of breaking her into pieces on the dark pavement.

"He came up behind me in this wooded area I always walked through to get home. I'd never seen him angry or anywhere near the way he was then. It wasn't him but at that point I really questioned how well I even knew him, if I did at all. The only answer I had was no."

She forced herself to move closer and sat beside her, trying to stop shaking because now the air felt freezing. The weakening of Mary's voice made staying away impossible. She wanted to be close to her but it didn't lessen the powerless emotion in her body. There was pain for what Mary was telling her and so much anger that a person could have it in them to hurt someone like her. She understood more and more why Mary had reacted the way she did to learning about Cassie, why she looked so helpless and broken, because not one part of her felt strong hearing this right now. Her hand moved to touch Mary's but an involuntary flinch made her pull back, sliding her hands into the front pockets of her jeans instead.

"He said I was choosing my family over him and that they didn't want me as much as he did. He held me down. Maybe I could have stopped him if I just agreed with everything he was saying...but I couldn't. Part of me believed they didn't want me but mostly I couldn't bring myself to lie about the only family I'd had just to keep him from hurting me. They say you're supposed to try to save yourself with words, tell your attacker what they want to hear, agree with them so that maybe they won't hurt you. But he never even believed me when I told him I hadn't been with anyone before so what was the point?" Mary's voice cracked and a tremble appeared on her chin that she tried to fight. "What kind of person wants to hurt someone like that?"

Her jaw clenched and she felt her eyes betray her at once when she saw a tear slide down Mary's cheek. She never wanted this to be something they had common and she'd never really seen Mary cry before. It was heart wrenching, the kind of pain that startles your entire system and leaves you paralyzed. What happened with Cassie was wrong but right now it just didn't seem as horrible as having your body violated the way that Mary had.

She stood from the hood of the car and reached for her, pulling Mary to her feet and wrapping her arms around her. She needed her there. She needed her in her arms to solidly prove that she was safe now and that she was okay, as okay as she could be. Mary flinched slightly in her arms but just as quickly she brought her arms up and hugged her closer. The scent of Mary's hair reaching her nose took her back four years and brought comfort to her body, like candied cherries and vanilla and it made her muscles relax into her more. They didn't move for a long time and they didn't feel the need to. She couldn't distinguish between the shaking in Mary's breath as she cried and the weakening of her legs as her own tears fell. The support they had was each other and it was the only thing that kept them from falling, the reliance that the other was there. This felt right, both of them trying to heal with someone who understood. She couldn't remember if she had ever really hugged Mary before just to let her know that she was here. It felt wrong that they'd never become as close as they could have. She knew Riley and Peter and she was always comforted by that knowledge but how was it okay to know Mary without really knowing her? To be a part of her life and not put in the effort? Neither of them had really confided in anyone about what they had gone through and now they had that safe place in each other. Not that she wanted their common ground to be because of something so terrible but the point was that they had each other now, more than they ever had, and that felt unbreakable.

Mary kissed her cheek lightly, a quiver on her lips as she pulled away and sat back down on the hood of the car, wiping her fingers lightly under her eyes.

"Ben, found me in the woods when I missed my shift. Cole _felt bad_ and told him where I was." Mary smiled weakly but it was so full of loss too, a mask hiding sadness in an attempt to keep it from hurting so much. "My 'social worker dad' was Cole's reason for snapping. Cole won, he took them from me. I couldn't go back to living with them after that because i knew id hear his lies in my head and find a way to blame them for what he did. I knew it wasn't the truth but I couldn't separate the image of them from Cole's words and what he did. I went back into the system. They tried to talk me out of it but because of trauma being involved it was my choice. They didn't have a say in any of it. Ben showed me a bunch of paperwork. Their plans to legally adopt me had been in the works for months without me even knowing about it but I felt broken and too lost to want that anymore. I should have taken that as a sign that they wanted me but it was just the opposite. I took it as a sign that it wasnt right for me because of what Cole put me through to get to that place..because of my family. I had something Cole didn't and I couldn't see anything good coming out of me staying with them but I saw something really good coming out of me leaving." Mary paused and looked to her hands, picking at a tear in the denim on her thigh. It was dark and the road was deserted but the headlights made the bruises on her hand look worse than before.

"What?" She whispered.

Mary smiled lightly and fought back tears again, moving her hand to wipe self-consciously at her cheek and catching a drop as it began to fall. "I asked them to adopt Bailey instead. They didn't have the means to adopt both of us and I wanted a home for him. He needed it more than I did." She breathed a laugh but it just hide so many different emotions. "I was moved into Albany, further away from things that would remind me of what happened...thats was my case worker said anyways, that it was better for me. I didn't really care at that point I just wanted to forget it all. I lost my school and home and I went back to switching placements every few weeks. sometimes I'd be in the same place for a month or two. I got the job at the bar at nights with a fake id, I had to sneak around constantly to get away with it but I wanted to save enough money so that I wouldn't ever have to rely on anyone."

Her throat tightened again when she remembered that night and the way she'd found Mary. The smoky eyeliner under her eyes and button ripped on her shirt..her jeans. "The night I found you..."

"That wasn't the same thing." Mary shook her head firmly. "That was my asshole boss getting a little too grabby when I asked for extra shifts. I wanted to save more money and he wanted to try to negotiate. Nothing happened but...at the same time I think part of me didn't care if it did. That was a rock bottom moment. Cole took away so much when he..." she cut off her words and took a soft breath. "I didn't feel like I had anything left to be taken."

"God, so I'm sorry." She whispered, her voice shaking as she closed her eyes. She hated what Mary had gone through and she felt guilty because she'd done absolutely nothing but make things worse for her. "I shouldnt have gone to you that night and I shouldnt have kissed you. _I_ was missing something and it was wrong of me to use you to fill that void. If I'd known I never would have come to you."

Mary looked over at her and shook her head in disbelief, disagreeing with her frantically. Her blue eyes watered more and another tear fell down her cheek. Mary ignored it completely, too lost in what she was feeling to wipe it away or try to hide it.

"Thats not what I am saying, Paige. If anything you helped me that night. I wasnt strong enough to say no to you and I didn't really want to because..." Mary's breath shook and looked away from her guiltily. Her eyes were so quickly able to change, stirring constantly with feelings that were honest no matter what her lips were saying. Her eyes told the truth and she scolded herself for not noticing it before. "You were outside my door and you were hurting. It hurt more seeing you like that than any amount of pain Cole had put me through. You kissed me and I brought my hand up to your cheek to break away from you but...you were crying and I just...I wiped your tears away instead." she admitted. "I realized something in that moment that kept me from stopping it."

"What?" She pressed. Mary shook her head lightly and didn't move to speak. "Mar, please tell me."

The conflict increased as Mary's eyes flickered over to her. She parted her lips to speak and then they'd close again as she picked over words and looked away again. She waited patiently, not pressing her further but also refusing to back down. Her hands shook when another tear fell from Mary's eyes and it took everything in her to be still and wait. She needed to listen.. not speak. Her patience was being tested and all she wanted was to make everything that had hurt Mary...just disappear. She couldn't stay still. Her hand moved before she could stop it and made contact with the moisture on Mary's cheek, wiping it away softly. She'd wait for as long as it took.

Mary's tongue rolled lightly to part her lips again and let out a shaking breath as she looked over at her. Her eyes were stronger.

"The last time Cole kissed me was after he told me he loved me." She started, a new wave of strength in her voice too, less shaky and more sure. "Within minutes he changed so much and when he caught up to me in the woods he tried to kiss me again. I didn't let him. I was so angry before I got really scared but the whole time, no matter what he did, I fought to keep him from kissing me. I loved him the last time he kissed me and I held on to that memory. It was all I had because I didn't love him anymore. He didn't love me the second he thought of hurting me. I promised myself I wouldn't kiss anyone that I didn't love and know loved me too." Mary's eyes softened again and the strength faded. "I almost pushed you away that night but I didn't because I noticed the difference. I do love you. I mean its different from how I feel about Riley and how you feel about Emily but...its still love and I told myself you wouldn't have come to me if you didn't trust me. Doesn't trust like that come with some amount of love?"

"Yes..it does." She nodded. "For me...love and trust have always been hand in hand for you."

Mary breathed a weak smile as she nodded and looked away again. Standing up from the hood of the car Mary seemed so much stronger now, confidence returning to her slowly just from being honest with each other and knowing that she was needed. It wasn't 'just'... because honesty made all the difference and when spoken it could be the most important difference in the world.

She reached and grabbed Mary's hand lightly to stop her but just as quickly she scolded herself for doing it and let go. Her eyes flickered to the bruises and she remembered Riley grabbing her hand earlier. The way Mary had winced from the pain was something she didn't want to be responsible for causing. Mary's words rang through her head about her being held down and hurt and the last thing she wanted was to push her back into those dark memories. Mary stopped in her tracks and turned to her. She expected her to snap at her or for reflex to catch up with her throat the way it had with Riley's. She deserved it and she braced herself for it.

Mary looked at her and stepped closer, closing the gap quickly and pulling her into an embrace again. It should be knowledge for the entire world that she loves Mary and she loved her back then too. They both knew the difference but it doesn't make the emotion any less powerful or meaningful. Her eyes stung again because the thought of someone hurting a girl like her was sickening. The way she puts everyone first and how loyal she is and loving. She cares so much for all of them, for Riley's family and little Molly and she was there for Emily in such a big way without really knowing her at all. Everyone before herself and never expecting anything back. It was unfathomable that someone could hurt her and even more unbelievable that the experience hadn't taken away all of the beautiful things about her and who she was. It hadn't completely broken her the way Mary thought it had. Not even close. Ten years later and Mary was stronger than she gave herself credit for.

"Part of me is glad you lost all of those families because you found us. Is it wrong of me to feel like that?" She breathed, her eyes watering over when Mary shook her head against her shoulder and held her closer. "We were all broken and lost in a lot of ways but I couldn't ask for a better family and we need you. I need you."

"I need you too." Mary whispered, squeezing her tighter by bringing her hand up into her hair. "We're a lot alike aren't we?"

It was true and she smiled and felt proud to be like Mary in any way. She was some how able to be a best friend even without them knowing everything about each other and this just made them stronger. There was never miles between them they were just so comforted by the other being close that they never needed to measure it. It was effortless and unspoken but so irreplaceable.

"For your sake I hope we're not too much alike." She smiled against Mary's neck and took a deep breath, letting the scent relax her.

Mary sighed and rubbed her hand soothingly across her back. "Au contraire, Paigey."

"Did you take French too?" She tilted her head and pressed a kiss to her cheek before Mary pulled away and smiled, tossing the car keys lightly between her hands as she took a step back towards the driver's door.

"Oui." Mary winked.

"Thank you." she called, stopping Mary as she moved to open the door. "For what you did for me with the improv...and for Emily. It was beautiful and you..." her eyes burned just remembering how happy she'd been in those moments and how sad because Mary was hurting. "...you didn't have to do that but you did anyways..."

Mary smiled softly and ducked her head to the keys in her hands. "Just dont hurt her."

"I wont." she shook her head firmly.

"Good because you'll be answering to me if you do." Mary beamed proudly and climbed into the car, leaving her staring after her.

Ducking her head with a smile she walked back to her door and slipped in silently, careful not to wake the backseat sleepers. "Just so you know there's never been a doubt in my mind about how strong you are." She shook her head lightly and looked at Mary. "You're probably one of the strongest people I know."

"Maybe that's the problem sometimes." Mary's blue eyes flickered over to her as she pulled back on to the highway. "I'm something different for everyone arent I? I'm strong for everyone in the way they need but not just for me?" She shook her head sadly. "I mean Riley's probably the only exception because for some reason I can't seem to keep myself from hurting him over and over again."

"I didn't mean to mess with things between you and Riley...by coming to you that night. I wasnt even thinking about him and I should have been."

"You're not a good kisser anyways so I forgive you." Mary teased. "Well...I'm pretty sure you bit my lip which.. if I'm being honest was insanely hot but the taste of whiskey really killed the mood for me."

"What?" She nudged her playfully and laughed. "Wow I really screwed that up then didn't I?" She tisked. Mary smiled too but all humor aside she understood where each other's hearts were back then and even more so now. She could have messed things up for her and Riley and that was the last thing she'd ever want. "Oh God does Riley know?" She whispered.

Mary's eyes flickered over her shoulder to Emily and Riley sleeping on the backseat. His head had fallen to his window and she had slumped over, her head nestled into his side. "I didnt tell him." She shook her head.

"Why not?"

"Because if I did then I would have had to feed his ego about him being the better kisser and I wasnt really in the mood to lie to him so..."

"Poor guy."

"Oh, he has no idea." Mary grinned, relaxing into her seat more.

She lowered herself in the seat too and nestled her head into the headrest. It was heartbreaking to think about what Mary had gone through at such a young age and how that event had affected her entire life in intricate ways. How could it not? Her relationship with Riley made more sense along with pretty much everything she did, why she reacted so strongly to learning about Cassie. The way Riley doesn't ever seem push her or be anything other than patient. He'd be wrong to push and that wasnt Riley's personality anyways. His parents and Molly have always inspired him to be the best kind of guy. Mary needs that and Riley needs everything about her.

"So..." she started, tilting her head to the side to look at Mary. "You and Riley...its serious right?"

Mary shifted away slightly and flipped a knob on the dash, kicking the cool air up a little higher. She shrugged lightly and didn't return her hand to the shifter, instead it went to the wheel as she switched her left hand out to comb through her curls.

"I don't know." She sighed. "I know I need him but I know he deserves more than I'm able to give him right now. It's not fair for him to have to wait on me to work through my shit. He didn't do anything wrong."

"You're wrong." She shook her head. "Riley's one of the most patient people I've ever known. He's like a people-shaped ice cream for everyone...or whatever your favorite comfort food is. His mother did well."

"She did." Mary chuckled.

"It's beyond me." She smiled. It soften quickly at seeing struggle form in Mary's eyes again. "Mar?"

"I'm not trying to hurt him." Mary looked over at her with sadness. "I know you two grew up together and that you're really close so I want you to hear that from me. There's just so much that I haven't figured out how to cope with yet. I feel damaged sometimes and I feel worse because it hurts him but I can't just forget some things. I'm trying for him but I'm also not holding my breath."

"I get that...but dont expect him to go anywhere because I know him better than that and I know you do too."

"He deserves better."

"He has the best already, Mar." She sighed. "Riley needs someone like you. He's figured it out and you'll get there too. I did. It just took time and the right person and you've already got the right person so you're halfway there." She reached to pick at a long curl hanging over Mary's shoulder and instantly she smiled as her hand was slapped away. "Back to normal." She laughed.

Mary smiled and caught her hand as she pulled it away, holding it instead and letting them rest on the center of the seat between them. "We are all so far from normal its fucked up."

She chuckled. "We're all such a perfectly flawed little family of misfits." She took a deep breath and glanced again at Riley sleeping before setting her eyes on Mary's hand in hers and her smiling softly. "Have I told you how I met Riley? Has he?"

"No just that you guys spent summers together."

"When I was thirteen I snuck out of my grandparents house one night. My parents wouldn't really let me explore during the day because they kept me busy around the show. I was walking down the main street outside of the grounds and he was with some guys in parking lot next to that ice cream place across from the main gate. They started shouting at me as soon as I passed, whistling and cat calls about why I was out late alone and if I was looking for company."

"Assholes." Mary frowned.

"Not Riley." She shook her head firmly. "No...Riley was sitting on the hood of one of the cars and the second they started in on me he called them out. Told them to stop. He walked me twenty-five blocks back to my grandparents house and the whole time kept his hands in his pockets and polite two feet between us. And that's after he gave me his jacket to wear because I left the house so fast I was just wearing shorts and a tank top."

"That definitely sounds like something he'd do now."

"He hasn't changed." She smiled. "I saw him the next day on the grounds and found out he worked for my grandparents. Just small manual jobs. We were pretty much inseparable after that. He looked out for me a lot and I didn't feel like I needed it."

"Awe...just like you now?" Mary teased.

"And like you." She smiled and ducked her head, running her thumb in a careful brush across the bruises on Mary's knuckles. "We used to sneak out at night sometimes and just hang out in the fields or in town. He kinda had the bad boy image that people gave him but he'd never actually done anything to earn it. Well...until he lit the truck on fire." She looked over at Mary to see a slight crinkle of interest between her eyebrows as she listened. "The summer when I was fifteen and he was seventeen we went out with a few of his guy friends and several others we'd met...a few girls that had a serious crush on him. There were a lot that did. Riley was always around me but they realized pretty quickly that we weren't interested in each other so the girls didn't see me as a threat."

"Heartbreaker..." Mary smiled lightly but it didn't quite reach her eyes. She knew without asking that Mary was comparing herself in a way that she shouldn't. A way that she wouldn't ever compare herself if she really understood Riley.

"He wasn't a heartbreaker." She shook her head. "I think that's what I loved about him so much. He never gave any of the girls a second glance, usually not even a first glance. We'd lay out in the fields drinking and talking about girls, the main topic we had in common." She chuckled and Mary mimicked the sound. "He had a very specific image in his head of what he wanted. Not the shallow girls throwing themselves at him and pining. He wanted someone real and right for him. He wasn't sure what real would look like but he always said he'd know when he found it. I've known him since he was fifteen and I'd never seen him date anyone. I'd never even seen him looking at anyone with interest."

Mary looked over and eyed her skeptically. "There had to have been someone."

"You." She nodded. "The first time I saw Riley _really_ look at someone...it was you." Even in the darkness of the car she could see Mary's breathing stop. "The night he drove the truck to pick us up when I found you was the first time I'd ever seen Riley want someone. I think him singing to you on the ride back was him not really knowing what to do with himself."

"God that was so uncomfortable." Mary smiled.

"Tell me about it. I was sitting between you two." She agreed. "He kept nudging my arm like he was asking me if he was wooing you properly."

Mary laughed and shook her head. "And the song...light my fire?"

"Oh please that's tame." She scoffed. "I drove Emily home in Rosewood and I got Marvin Gaye on the radio."

"Oh my God." Mary choked on a laugh. "Sexual Healing?"

"Lets get it on." She corrected, her smile widening when Mary laughed. It was a beautiful sound. "But I think Riley was more than happy to take a suitcase to the stomach from you because you tripped him beforehand...which meant your leg touched his leg. He was proud for weeks because you touched him."

"He's amazing." Mary sighed and shook her head lightly. "I really don't get it."

"You must get it a little bit." She urged.

There was no way Mary couldn't see what she does to people, what Riley sees in her. Everything from how close she is with even Molly to how much she helped Emily before the improv. She's always so eager to be there for everyone even if it's in her tough love kind of way. Pushing Sadie and Faye to work harder or dragging doubters out of tent after her parents died. Her passion was always strong and driven but more importantly...genuinely...Mary cares.

"You're together now, for five years, and how long did that take you guys after you joined? A few weeks before I'd see you two in a tangled mess of limbs in the hallways?"

Both of those questions were rhetorical and Mary knew they were too. She wasnt saying this to hear Mary respond she just needed Mary to hear it all. The seed would grow on its own when Mary was ready for it to.

"Riley always told me he wanted someone that would make him better. Not only that...but someone that made 'better' happen without trying or meaning to. He's always wanted to be meant for someone in a way that no other person would ever be enough. No one but him. He's the soul mate kind of guy and I have him to thank for making me believe in the same thing. I wasn't enough for Cassie and she wasnt enough for me. We weren't the right missing pieces for each other so we didn't fit. I think I've finally found my piece and I know without a doubt that five years ago...Riley found his. He got lucky. He found _you_ on the first try. The rest of us had to go through Cassies and..."

"Coles." Mary sighed. "We don't have good luck with 'C' names."

"Apparently not." She sighed and scooted lower in her seat, watching Mary do the same. Her eyes where a constant shift of emotions that just kept stirring. That was a good thing. She wanted Mary to feel everything that she'd said so that she wouldn't forget any of it. "Do you want me to drive?"

"Hey.." Mary arched her eyebrows pointedly. "I just earned unlimited Cougar privileges."

"Do I even wanna know how?"

Mary rolled her eyes and looked at her. "I don't think we have to tell each other everything."

"Yes." She nodded firmly. "Yes we do have to tell each other everything, at least for tonight." Mary's eyes turned to slits as she glared at her but she just smiled proudly in return. "Come on. Spill." She pressed.

"Fine." Mary shot with a smile. "We were on our way to find Cassie so I could kick her ass but I stopped the car at that damn gas station. Some kids were picking on another boy so Riley threatened the kid being bullied and got punched in the stomach. Basically I kissed a sixteen year old and now the bullies know that he can beat up a grown man twice his size and that he's capable of landing a girlfriend with really big..."

"And we're done here." She interrupted, laughing and shaking her head. She didn't really need to know everything. Nobody really needs to know everything.

"Then Riley was all wounded so we had sex in the backseat." Mary added.

She groaned and threw her head back into the headrest. "Emily is sleeping back there."

"Relax." Mary smiled. "Leather seats and there's cleaning wipes in the glove box. Riley loves his car."

"It's the principle." She argued. It wasn't unbelievable though. She had plenty of locations she could reference when it came to their sex life and that was too much information already. "Oh God are you guys the couple risking it in broad daylight?"

Mary's eyebrows crinkled in confusion "Clue me in, Ms. Vague."

"That little old man at the gas station." She clarified. "He said some couple was having se..." she cut herself off because Mary was suddenly smiling.

"Yeah..." She beamed and then so quickly her expression was serious. "Wait...he was still alive to tell you this? No heart attacks or strokes? Fuck, I must really be losing my touch." Mary frowned.

"Still alive and still kicking." she chuckled, shaking her head.

How could she expect anything less than Riley and Mary having sex in a public place. From spending teenage years with Riley she knew he'd never been with anyone but Mary, and she loved him for that, but for some reason walking in on them in compromising situations has always made her want to pull him away by the ear and slap the shit out of him then wait for him to stop crying before asking him about his intentions towards Mary. Call it a female comradery and just the natural need to look out for her but she knew deep down that Riley would never hurt her and she was comforted by that.

"This has your name on it by the way..." she sighed, reaching for the candy-striped card that Mary had thrown angrily on to the dash. "Its your card...not mine." when Mary smiled softly and ducked her head away she placed the card back gently where it had been. "But seriously just please give us a heads up if we need to stop for any adult interludes so Emily and I can exit the vehicle first. Don't just wait until we're sleeping. Or at least let me and Riley switch places so Emily and I can have the back seat."

Mary choked on a breath of air and looked at her with wider eyes. "Fuck, are you suggesting we all just 'go at it' in the car at the same time?"

"What?" she choked too. "No...I'm just..."

Mary smiled and shrugged thoughtfully. "It's not a bad idea..."

Her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed as she looked at Mary, an utter loss for words, but she relaxed when Mary rolled her eyes.

"I'm kidding, Paige." Mary teased, shaking her head lightly. "Besides, you two could have just taken Peter's car but I promise you'd be at least a hundred miles behind us right now."

"We could have taken your convertible." She smiled and rolled her head to the side to look at her.

Mary arched her eyebrows skeptically. "The Audi still probably isn't as fast as this."

"Well its cherry red and it looks fast."

"Well...we've had sex in that too." Mary smirked. "With the top down...while he was driving."

She shook her head in disbelief. "Yeah that is not safe at all." It was possible that Mary was kidding by the way she rolled her blue eyes but there's was no real way to know for sure.

"He's really very talented."

"Is _he_ talented or are_ you_ talented because he was driving?" She groaned again and scrunched up her nose when that question left her mouth. "God...okay I think I've learned enough so we can stop now."

"Oh no." Mary teased, shaking her head. "We're being honest aren't we?" A sarcastic smile spread on her lips but it faded as she let the topic die. "You said you didn't feel anything with Cassie...when she touched you? What about with Emily?"

Her cheeks warmed and her stomach twisted into knots, fluttering knots that shifted into butterflies at the mention of a name. "Emily made me realize that I wasn't really broken. I can feel everything with her." Mary smiled and squeezed her fingers lightly. It felt peaceful now... relaxed but the bruises caught her eye again. "Does Riley know?" She asked eyes softening at seeing her hand. "About what happened to you?"

"Yeah he does." Mary nodded. "He figured it out on his own." She swallowed hard and her eyes moved to glance at him sleeping in the rearview mirror. "We were messing around one night, not in _that_ way.. " Mary clarified quickly. "We were just playing and he pinned me down to tickle me. He held my hands so I couldn't really fight back and my mind went back to that place without warning and I just snapped." Mary's eyes looked away sheepishly and she could see the hurt there. "It wasnt his fault and I didn't mean to react that way. I just started crying and pushed him off. I didn't let him touch me at all for days because I was so embarrassed. He started watching me after that, piecing things together. The things that would make me flinch or jump. We talked about it a little but him knowing the details wouldn't have done any good so I kept it simple. He's pissed about me hitting Cassie because of this." She lifted her hand slightly from hers and bruises were easy to see even in the darkness. They were ghostly against the red and blue lights on the dashboard.

"I wish you wouldn't have done that." She sighed. "Not for Cassie's sake because I could give a shit less about her, but for you...I just care about you."

"I'm gonna be honest that wasn't entirely for you. Most of it was but..."

"What?"

"I wasn't given the chance to really fight Cole. When you and Riley held me back from her it felt like that all over again. I think that's why Riley let go of my arm, because he realized that." Mary's eyes glanced over her shoulder towards the backseat and then moved back to the road. "He held my hand down with his knee and broke my wrist and my hand in two places so I guess when I hit Cassie I felt like I was hitting him too. None of that should have happened to you and the fact that I was so close when she hurt you and I didn't know just pissed me off more."

"I didn't let anyone know. That's not your fault. It's not exactly the same thing either. You went through so much worse."

"Something like that shouldnt be measured on a scale from bad to worse. It's just all wrong. Every case of it under every circumstance."

"Yeah.. you're probably right." She nodded. "We can't change any of it though and if you ever try to quit on me again I'll hunt you down and drag you back. You're kind of irreplaceable and the idea of being left with Faye and Sadie is just...no."

"I'm sorry." Mary smiled. "That was unforgivable of me."

"Not unforgivable." She whispered. "Nothing you could ever do would be unforgivable to me because I know the kind of person you are. We know each other more than we think we do." Her throat tightened when other words of Mary's popped into her mind. Probably the words that hurt her more than anything. "About what you said earlier.." she started, unable to even look at Mary as she spoke. "The stuff about Sadie and Faye and their...sexual choices. I don't think that about you, not even close. I failed to admit how close you are with Riley because I was angry at myself for the night I came to you. I knew better and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel less than you are."

"We don't really have to talk about this." Mary pleaded. "It was wrong of me to throw that in your face and I didn't mean it. Whatever reputation I've made for myself is my fault and my doing...not yours."

"I guess when I walked in on you and Peter I made assumptions and I shouldn't have." She frowned. "That wasnt fair of me and it wasnt my business anyways."

"Oh Peter." Mary smiled, biting at her lower lip. "That wasnt what it looked like and I'm not just saying that to sound cliché."

"Mar, its none of my business. You don't owe me an explanation."

"Ooookay thanks for sparing me, Ms. Chivalry." Mary smiled sarcastically. "I'm giving you an explanation anyways so shut up for a second." She sealed her lips and Mary's smiled widened. "Riley knew about the Peter thing. It was just a bet. The bet was whether or not I could get Peter drunk enough so we could all sleep in the next morning. Riley didn't think I could and I proved him wrong."

"How has he not learned his lesson about placing bets with you?"

Mary shrugged "I really have no idea."

"So...how the hell did Peter's face end up in your..." her eyes flickered over Mary's chest and she gestured with her hand awkwardly as she cleared her throat. "Umm...in those?"

Mary laughed and shook her head. "And you're the lesbian? Wake Emily up and ask her what they're called and I promise she'll have a better word."

Her cheeks flushed and slammed her eyes shut with a smile. "You know what I mean."

"I was sitting on the counter lining up shots for him and 'these'..." Mary waved her hand over her chest. "were just incentive. And then as good timing would have it...you walked in."

"So no motor boat?" She asked warily.

Mary looked at her sheepishly "Well...kind of but the engine wasn't very strong." She laughed. "It was more like a sinking boat were the engine makes those gurgling noises as it goes down. I won the bet."

"Oh wow..poor Peter." She shook her head with a smile.

"No!" Mary argued. "Peter was perfectly happy...I promise."

"Oh God ..we're done here." She threw her hand up, still holding Mary's in her other. "No more. None of my business."

"I really shouldnt have thrown all of that at you earlier. It was a low blow and I'm sorry but you should know that I've only been with Riley." Mary's blue eyes were pained. "Since I joined the show... and since Cole hurt me...its only been Riley. Ever."

She swallowed hard and it took her a moment to nod. She felt worse knowing how much she hadn't known Mary, how much she'd failed to see her. It wasn't all her fault and she knew that it went both ways but it shook her world just hearing that it was only Riley. It made her smile because Riley was the only person she trusted to be good enough for _Marley_ and in return she was the best person for him. There was something else that had been bothering her. It always had but the last few days forced it to the front of her mind and when Mary brushed her thumb soothingly over her hand..she made the decision.

"I don't want to call you Mary anymore." She stated, bracing herself for the fallout of saying it. Whatever argument it started...it didn't matter. "It's not who you are to me. You're not some fake person with a fake name."

There was silence beside her and she couldn't bring herself to look over. Doing that would make it seem like she wanted her approval and part of her did but either way it wouldn't change her feelings. If it started a fight then so be it because her determination to get Marley to a place were she could trust her and depend on her was more important. She'd fight for her. Mary was the girl who she had failed to see and know for five years and she felt like she knew her now. She wasnt going anywhere and Marley needed to know that.

"I picked it up after I moved back into Albany...after everything. I guess it was just my way of being someone different. If I was someone else then I didn't have to be the girl that was raped by someone who was supposed to love her."

Her jaw and stomach clenched all over again and she second guessed this whole name battle just as quickly. It wasnt important. Just a name. It didn't really change who she was.

"But..." Mary sighed lightly. "I wasn't in a good place back then and I feel like I'm getting there now so..."

She smiled softly to herself and looked over at her carefully. "Marley?"

"Yeah?"

Her smile widened at the peaceful response. "Let me drive the Cougar."

Marley smiled and shook her head. "No way. If anything happens to this car Riley will kill me."

"Lets be real, Mar..." She arched her eyebrows. "Riley will always find some way to love you more in any situation...even the demise of his car."

Marley's smile faltered for a second and when it returned it wasnt real anymore. It didn't reach her eyes the same way and she pulled her hand away to reach for the turn signal as she passed another car and then tousled her hair around her shoulders again. The change was so fast it confused her and made her question what she'd said. Nothing seemed wrong with any of it but at the same time Marley just looked emotionally drained and her eyes were now swirling off into different thoughts. Her own eyes felt tired and quickly she forgot what they were even discussing. So many new things were now in her head. Most of them hurt too much for her to even go near and others made her too angry when she felt too tired to fight. The strongest things moving through her head made her smile and relaxed every part of her body.

She reached to cover Marley's hand when it fell back to her lap again, holding it lightly in both of her hands and shielding the bruises in a protective way. She felt eyes flicker over to her but she didn't pull away. Marley needed to know that she was here for her no matter how hard things got. She was part of the family they all made up and when they were together it felt like nothing could touch them. She turned to look over her shoulder again and Riley's head had now fallen child-like on Emily's shoulder, like the innocent one he was most of the time. When he wasnt pinning assholes against brick walls in the gallant way of his.

"I ship that." She smiled, shaking her head lightly.

"Is he using her as a pillow?" Marley frowned, trying to turn around to see. "Wake him up. Emily doesn't need him drooling on her shoulder."

"He's fine." She argued. "Let him sleep. The guys comfortable and I don't blame him. Besides, Emily used him as a pillow half the drive so I think its fair." A thought crossed her mind and she turned to face Mary in her seat with amused smile. "Speaking of which...'hold me like a pillow'? Nice song choice for the improv _slash_ testing of Peter's restraint."

"Oh come on! That was perfect." Mary beamed. "Peter wishes his pillows were as good as these. That's our song purely because of that line."

"No I agree, but do you think he'll be okay with making that a permanent performance?"

"Fuck I hope so." Mary nodded. "His little flustered cheeks are adorable."

"How did Sydney take that though?" Surely Sydney had seen the performance _slash_ striptease but everything had seemed fine at dinner the night before.

"I got a high-five and a hug but I don't like to brag."

She smiled and nodded approvingly. "One True Pairing: Peter and Marley ...Parley?"

"What? No, Parley is our ship." Mary smiled and poked her finger at her thigh playfully, not breaking her hold on her hand. "The only thing remotely accurate for me and Peter is Marter."

"Oh my God, genius." She laughed "Peter the _martyr_ choosing to suffer public humiliation rather than renounce to you." The sarcasm in her voice couldn't be faked. Peter loves Marley and her tempting, keeps him on his toes. "Oh the sacrifices he's making for the greater good."

"It's perfect." Marley smiled. "I'm really hoping I get to be his midlife crisis. It should be any day now, right?"

"Uh he'd have a heart attack that would _end_ his life so it wouldn't be very _mid-anything_."

"Then he'd still be the martyr. He'll choose certain death over saying no to me."

"A moment of silence please." She bowed her head and then turned to look over her shoulder and laughed. "No protests from the backseat."

Marley laughed. "I ship Paily though."

"Paily?"

"Yeah I mean...I love Emily more than you so I was gonna put her first but Emiage doesn't roll off the tongue as beautifully so...I caved." She shrugged nonchalantly. "You wanted to make t-shirts for you and Peter but Paily may actually have to happen. I just envision this cute little shovel and pail set that are attached at the handles."

She laughed "Okay but what about you and Riley?"

"I'm already the ship name arent I?" Marley smiled knowingly.

"What do you mean?"

"Mary and Riley...Marley." She arched her eyebrows proudly. "I just fucked the shit out of your mind."

"Wow! " she laughed. "So I can definitely call you Marley when you're both in the room and you can't get pissed because I'm really just referring to the two of you as a pairing."

Marley chuckled and squeezed her hand lightly. She wanted to return the pressure but the purple on her knuckles made her worry of hurting her. Her touch stayed light.

"Say something in French." She whispered, a weak smile on her lips. Her eyes felt heavy and tired now and rested her head into the seat.

"Umm.." Marley sighed lightly. "Je serai toujours là pour toi."

"That sounds pretty." She smiled more and looked over at her.

"It is pretty." Marley agreed, returning the soft smile and squeezing her hand again.

"Je t'aime." She scooted lower in her seat and Marley released her hand to cover the shifter so she reached and draped her right arm over hers instead, leaving her the space to drive but still staying close. "That's all I really know in French."

"Très bon." Marley nodded in approval. Her voice was softer than a whisper but she picked it up easily and smiled. "That's probably the most important phrase to know."

"You know I do, right?"

Marley smiled softly and nodded with a glisten over her eyes. "I love you too, Paigey."

"Well, I don't love Paigey but its growing on me."

Marley breathed a laugh and she tightened her grip slightly over her arm. It felt good having her close along with Emily and Riley in the backseat sleeping. Her eyes felt heavy but she struggled to stay awake so that Marley wasn't alone but each passing second she grew more tired. Emily was the love of her life, nothing and no one could replace her or come close but...Marley...Riley and Peter...they all held such large pieces of her heart that couldn't be replaced by anyone else either. The void would be too large and the damage too great. She needed them all and it didn't make her weak to admit that. It made her stronger.

A battle started with her eyelids. Every few minutes they would try to close only for her to fight back by the need to not leave Marley alone. She didn't want to sleep and leave her alone to her thoughts because those thoughts scared her. With Marley trying to leave the show she was worried her reasons would come back. She didn't want them to come back and if keeping them away meant staying awake all night and keeping herself available to talk through them then so be it. If she slept she wouldn't be able to see when Marley's blue eyes swirled off into different emotions, if she was awake she could notice those changes and fight them. She could fight for Marley and Riley and fight to keep the only family she had together. She could tell herself that was her only reason for trying to stay awake but that would also be a lie. A blatant one. The biggest reason was also the most simple. It was just the peace that came with being in someones company. Someone that regardless of words had always been there. Not a single part of her wanted Marley to feel sad or lonely if she fell asleep. Her eyes closed again only to fly open immediately.

There were so many moments along the way, over the years, that had strengthened her desire to be close with her family, to keep them together. Call it her own selfish needs but she liked to believe they all needed her in the same way too. All of those moments rooted back to one event, one place in time that really started her unconditional love for all of them and when she knew she'd do anything and everything to keep them all in her life. The moment when she'd lost the most and needed them more than she'd ever needed anything or anyone. They had all been there. Her fingers moved to touch the charms hanging around her neck, singling out the clock and then the blue glass bead wrapped in red wire...the letter "E". They'd all been there in that dark moment, even without realizing it. Even Emily.

"Come here..."

Her body startled when Marley pulled her arm away. Her eyes opened to the whisper of her voice and to the softest blue that gestured for her to sleep. Shifting lower she brought her feet up on to the seat and propped her head on Marley's thigh. With the comfort of a scent she recognized from four years ago, clinging to the purple of Marley's shirt, her eyes closed and an arm draped protectively over her shoulder. It felt safe but sleep became odd then, pulling her under into a floating place while keeping her close to the hum from the car's engine and the cold air passing through the vents..through her hair. She was there and far away. She could hear Marley breathing and feel the leather seat beneath her body...the warmth seeping through soft purple cotton against her cheek, but it was fading too. A blanket of unconscious thought trying to pull her under completely while her mind was still fighting not to leave Marley awake alone. The air shifted around her, stirring the cherry scent and startling her awake again. Her eyes flew open to familiar images flickering like a super 8 camera.

_*Fall in your knees,_

_Oh hear the angel voices...*_

"Paige, can you close the window now? You're letting all the warm air out."

The roads where snow packed and the sky had long since turned a navy blue, glowing white flurries of ice floating in the air and sparkling in front of the amber headlights. She groaned and lifted her head from the cracked window where it had been resting for the last few hours. Sleep had failed to work its way in the reason for that was blasting through the speakers and had been for most of the day. The cold wind blowing in through her hair helped to defuse the volume.

"Please turn it off." She begged, holding in the button to bring the window up again. "Or at least down...a lot. We all know its Christmas without having to listen to music for the whole drive. We should have flown."

"Someones festive." Her mom smiled. "If we'd flown we would have missed the views of driving and all of this long drawn-out quality time together.

"No we would have just had more quality time at the resort and its dark outside." She pointed out. "What views?" Her mom shook her head with a smile and turned the volume down one notch. "Seriously?" She chuckled. "One click on the volume? It's basically straight static so why torture me? I've done nothing to deserve this. I'm a good daughter."

"You are but you also have headphones don't you?" Her dad pointed out.

"Yes I do but we could also just lose the Christmas show tunes and talk instead." She argued. "Headphones are meant for music so why should I have to put them on just to drown out the music?"

"Okay fine." Her dad smiled, taking a hand off the wheel to turn the radio off. "Pick the topic and we'll talk."

She crinkled her eyebrows and thought but come to think of it there was really nothing she wanted to talk about either. "I've got nothing. You pick."

Her mom clapped excitedly. "I spy with my little eye...something that is...white."

"Oh good God..." she mumbled, laughing and looking at her dad who beamed playfully.

"SNOW!" He shouted. "My turn..."

Her mom turned and gave her a mock horror look that made her laugh and slump lower into the backseat...in what little space she had. It was tight and the only thing that helped was loosening her seatbelt slightly across her lap, letting it lay slack instead of cutting off her air supply and making her feel more claustrophobic that she already did. How they needed this much shit for a five day vacation was beyond her. Their bags for spending Christmas in Aspen were in the back of the red Range Rover, behind her seat, but somehow she'd been stuffed in the middle of blankets and travel pillows not to mention everyone's winter coats and random ear flap hats...an occasional mitten. One suitcase was hers, one was her dad's and three for her mom. Apparently there were different types of jackets for certain outdoor activities, skiing or a simple nature walk. Different colors as well but personally...a single coat for the temperatures of _cold_ and _colder_ was all she needed. Her elbow moved to nudge into the pile of stuff on the seat beside her, pushing it further away from her small amount of space behind the driver's seat.

"So are we gonna be doing family activities or are you two gonna ditch me like last year?" She teased.

Her mom turned around with a playful smile. "Last year you ditched us first, remember?"

"No if I remember correctly you two rode to the top of the slopes and just wanted to look down and admire the view." she pointed out.

Her dad smiled behind the wheel. "The view up there is amazing."

"I agree but that's not why you ride to the top. I mean you can admire the view briefly but then you ski down. You two just stood there for an hour like you were never gonna see it again...while I stood there waiting like a tourist."

"And then you went down and left us up there." Her mom argued. "And we are tourists."

"It doesn't mean we have to act like them. You guys rode the lift back down. You still beat me." She groaned. "The fun of going to a ski resort is to ski or..." her eyes looked over at her snowboard tucked behind the back seat. "...something. I mean we can get you guys a sled if you want. A good old-fashioned toboggan. I'm sure there are plenty of kids I could steal one from. Or just admire the view from the bunny hill next time."

"Okay little Ms. Bossy. We'll ski but..." Her mom chuckled. "We can bring Riley and Mary next year if you want just for company."

"Even Peter wouldn't waste a ski slope like you two." She smiled. "I'll just be at the bar if you need me."

"Not for another year." Her dad tisked sarcastically. "Stick with the mini bar in the room so you don't get arrested please. How many times have the cops brought you and Riley home in your life?"

"ten." She sighed, rolling her eyes. "But to be fair six of which were for _your_ set curfew and it was the grounds security every time so it doesn't count. They're basically family. And I'm not a teenager anymore so that's not even a relevant argument."

"Exactly my point." Her dad teased, his warm brown eyes flickering up to look at her in the rearview mirror. "Theres adult consequences so be responsible and drink illegally in the hotel room." He winked.

Her mom shifted in her seat to look back at her. "Or better yet, maybe while we're busy standing and staring at the views like a bunch of old tourists you can explore and meet someone your age. Its been over a year since Cassie so maybe..."

She groaned and threw her head back hard into the seat, sinking lower and trying to disappear into the fabric. There was plenty of it after all. Maybe now would be a good time to bury herself under the mounds of coats and bags and just tune out her mom's hopeful and twinkling eyes. Her fingers went subconsciously to touch the small charm hanging from around her neck. A "3" that she'd lied to her parents about. She bought over a year ago to take the place of needing an actual person but the lie was that she'd told her parents it was a three. A number for the three of them as a family. The truth was that it was a blatant lie but it didn't matter. Even the truth didn't matter. It was just an inanimate object that couldn't ever hurt her the way Cassie had and maybe having it was a way of trying to trick her mind into not wanting something more...someone that she'd never have and had never been hers to begin with. It was just a piece of metal and it was more than enough for her because it proved what she'd had with Cassie wasn't love. She knew the difference between what she'd felt for Cassie and what she felt for the one who held this charm...the person behind it.

"I don't want to meet anyone. If I wanted to...I would. I don't."

"Well you just haven't been interested since Cassie so I was only suggesting. As long as you're happy" her mom sighed softly. "She had potential but she was wasting it. I was hoping with Mary joining she'd take some pointers from her and calm down a little bit but..."

"Mary's calm?" She smiled sarcastically. "She's the epitome of...whatever the opposite of calm is."

"She's driven and passionate." Her mom corrected. "Insanely smart too. Cassie could have really learned a lot from her if she'd wanted to."

"Cassie was nothing but trouble." He dad shook his head. "Mary is going somewhere in her life and Cassie was going backwards. I'm glad Mary came along when she did so we had a good back up in case Cassie bailed on us and left us without a replacement."

Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked up at her dad. The car was dark with only lights from the dash-board but he looked irked for something that happened over a year ago. They didn't even know the truth about Cassie aside from a simple explanation that they'd expected anyways...as her dad just pointed out.

"Yeah...well she did end up bailing didn't she." She sighed peacefully. "Cassie took off and Mary took over. Problem solved, can we drop the whole Cassie thing?"

"I'm sorry, Paige." Her mom turned to look at her again. "I'm so angry that she didn't even say anything to you. I don't understand why she wouldn't say goodbye."

"Because she was selfish." Her dad shook his head in distaste again. "You deserve better than that. She was only thinking about herself and she didn't care who she hurt. She just took off without a word."

"This is not considered 'dropping the Cassie thing.'" She pointed out, forcing her parents to nod reluctantly and respect her desire to _not talk_ about Cassie.

He seemed to be taking this a bit too personally which was confusing because he didn't have anything to do with Cassie leaving. He hadn't known she was stealing money... in fact she personally had replaced every penny that Cassie had stolen with her own money and made sure her parents never knew about it. It was only fair to assume he was upset about his daughter being hurt. That would surely hurt him too and she'd never been anything but close with her parents. Her body relaxed just knowing they loved her unconditionally and never hesitated to say it or show it.

Before they'd left Rosewood it was a little harder. Her parents always working had kept them from spending a lot of time together but when the show came around all of that had changed. They were together so much, worked and traveled together and even with being with each other almost every day the train still always felt large enough to hide away and find privacy. She'd finished schooling online and with help from them it allowed her graduate a year early and then she had even managed to obtain her license to handle and care for the animals in the show. They always got to spend time together now and she wasn't with them she was found with Riley or Mary or lost in thoughts of her future that she was more than happy to spend alone. She had Stella too and that was more than enough for her. She was happy with her life completely and nothing in her wanted to ever risk another Cassie. Alone was better... and with family and friends. She was responsible for her future and only her future. No one else.

"I wish Riley and Mary would have come. That way you're not bored. You three are always inseparable." Her mom noted. "It wouldn't have hurt to have them along too."

"I'm the third wheel." She chuckled. "I love them both to death but they can't keep their hands off each other which makes for very awkward movie nights. Besides, Mrs. Brennan wouldn't stop pleading with them to stay home for Christmas this year. Mary wanted to go to Europe."

"The 'mom guilt trip' works every time." Her dad smiled. "That's why you're here right now, Sport."

"I know...I'm weak."

"You're anything but weak, Paige." Her mom laughed and smiled back at her over her shoulder. "You just really love us."

"I do which is why I'm here even knowing full well that you're going to ditch me at some point in the next five days." She nodded in agreement. "You two are going to leave me alone to fend for myself and I'll probably get lost and have no idea how to find you because the place is huge."

"There'll always be people around you that can help you find your way." Her mom smiled playfully. "We'll try not to wander off too far when we're admiring the scenery."

"And admiring you tearing up the mountain with your boogie board thingy..." her dad laughed

She laughed and shook her head again. "Snowboard." She corrected, nudging the pile of coats beside her for more room and singling out a white down jacket on top. "And speaking of which...there wouldnt happen to be extra room up there for one...or five of your ten coats? I can barely move back here." Maybe it was an exaggeration but her parents both smiled and that was worth it.

"You're packed in tight back there. Safe and sound." Her mom laughed. "Just snuggle in and sleep. We'll be there soon."

She sighed, sinking lower into her seat and resting her head into the soft white fabric. Her eyes felt heavier now as the glowing red numbers on the dash ticked from 8:34 to 8:35. It was early but after driving for over eight hours the drowsiness was more out of boredom than anything else. There was nothing better to do. They were still about two hours away from Aspen and a short nap could leave her more energized to hit the night slopes for a little while. That was her favorite part of their trips to Aspen. The snow at night and staring down at dimly lit inclines from the top of a mountain. When the moon was full you could see for miles across the frozen landscape below.

Her eyes fell softly on her dad smiling over at her mom as he reached to hold her hand, letting them rest on the middle console between them as he traced light circles over her knuckles in a soothing way. It made her smile and her eyes closed. She didnt need Cassie. She didn't need anyone as long as she had her family. Nothing else mattered, not even the "E" hanging around her neck. She blinked. It felt like she had only blinked and then she felt something, fingers combing through her hair and coaxing her awake. Her eyes opened but there was no reason for the sensation, no one touching her or even noticing that she was awake. The numbers 12:05 were staring at her.

"Just slow down a bit more, it's not too bad." Her mom said.

"We're not there yet?" She asked, sitting up more in her seat and leaning forward towards the front. Her dad sighed lightly.

"No, we're close though. The snow picked up and slowed us down a lot."

_'So much for hitting the mountain tonight.'_

She sighed. The snow was heavier on the road, falling in thick clumps instead of single flakes and the two lanes were tighter and hugged closely by the steel guard rails. She sunk back into her seat again. Her parents were no longer holding hands, both of her dad's clung to the wheel and her mom slouched a little lower in her seat to settle in more with a notebook in her lap and a pen in her hand. She knew the brown leather binding well. Her mom could often be found playing around with ideas for new acts or improvements and writing them down to share with Mary and the girls or with Riley. The wheels were always turning and she enjoyed every second of it.

Her eyes closed again and they opened in that same second to a shake beneath the car...the feeling of the tires catching on the edge of the road. She couldn't even see the edge of the road but it was obviously there. Everything was white but the tires found the uneven ground and grabbed it. She saw the steering wheel jerked from her dads hands and he tried to hold it steady and her heart stopped before picking up and pounding out of her chest. She could felt the tires sliding and unable to grip anything or find traction and quickly she tugged tighter on her seat belt that still lay slack in her lap. Everything slowed down and sped up at the same time. She could see her parents clearly. Their expressions of worry so crisp even in the dark now as though her eyes were suddenly working much better than before and making images of their faces crystal clear..burning them into her mind and making sure she remembered them.

The vehicle slid harshly to the right side of the road and her dad's hands clutched tight to the wheel as he tried to correct it. The most sickening feeling came from the sounds...one in particular. The sound of the brake pedal hitting the floor while the car continued to skid forward towards the guard rail. It was a helpless feeling, the feeling of having exhausted your only option at stopping. It was out of their control now. Her mom's hand flew to rip up the emergency brake and her heart sank when it was deemed useless too. Her eyes slammed shut and she couldn't bring herself to open them, burying her face into the pile of coats beside her. The brakes were exhausted and yet the they still moved. The tires spun out against the white roads and her heart accelerated even more before the sound of crashing metal came and then the deafening silence that followed. The stillness.

"Are you girls okay?"

She opened her eyes to see her dad turning in his seat to look back at her...her mom too. She straightened herself up and sighed relief. They were okay. The range rover had come to a stop on the side of the road after crashing into the guard rail along the passenger side. It shouldnt be too bad because she couldn't see any damage to the doors from the inside and her mom was shaken but okay. Cosmetic damage most likely. They hadn't been going very fast.

"Paige are you okay?" Her mom asked, a furrow between her eyebrows with worry.

She nodded weakly. "Yeah I'm okay. Are you?" She forced a deep breath when her parents nodded too and her fingers moved to touch the charm around her neck just lightly out of habit.

Her dad's hand moved to pull up at the emergency brake, insuring that it was still set, then he flipped a button on the dash to turn on the hazard lights. The flurries of snow were falling heavier to the point where she couldn't see five feet in front of the car's headlights so they were needed to warn other drivers. She willed her hands to stop shaking and her breathing to slow but for some reason she couldn't find any ounce of calm even knowing it was over. They were all okay and that's all that mattered. A clicking sound caught her ears and brought her eyes to her dad pulling his seat belt off.

"I better go see what the damage is." He sighed, looking back at her again. He froze.

Time slowed and her eyebrows crinkled in confusion as she looked at him. Something was different about his face. Her eyes snapped to look at her mom too. It wasn't dark anymore. There was amber light shining across their faces and she could see them clearly now. Their worry confused her more but she couldn't speak. There was light shining bright and hot against her back and she could see her silhouette being cast upon the dash between her parents. That same light that was shining on them was back lighting her.

"Paige!"

She felt her mom's hand reach for hers as she turned to look over her shoulder through the back window. Two dots of light grew closer and became so bright that they merged into one and engulfed them completely, pulling her eyes closed and her fingers to close tightly around her mom's. Everything went black. There was no light. She heard a cry but it was fleeting as darkness crept over her mind and blocked feeling and noise...everything. She could have been sleeping and floating at the same time in the most peaceful of ways. There was nothing but sleep and that sleep felt needed. She felt tired enough to sleep forever and was being soothed with the sensation of fingers through her hair again. She would be fine staying there but something was squeezing her...holding her down. She couldn't breath in this darkness. She needed air and there was none for her here.

Her eyes opened and oxygen rushed into her lungs as she gasped. It was too cold, it should be warm but instead it was ice in her throat and she coughed. Her vision blurred in and out as she pushed to focus, cringing at a high-pitched ringing in her ears, her head pounding. Her eyes struggled to take in the image in front of her. Her head once again resting against her door beside the window. She could see a large white circle of light and she startled, jumping hard as she remembered the blinding lights that had brought concern to her parents faces and thrust her into darkness...coldness.

This light wasnt moving closer though. The moon. It held rings of light around it, halos though maybe it was a trick of her eyes, refracting colors like rainbows that appear through water in the right lighting and after rainfall. Beautiful and swirling out into the night sky. She clung to it but her vision sharpened and the colors faded away, moving her eyes elsewhere on their own. That moon of colors was now silver through thick clouds, full and managing to shine over miles of frozen landscaping below. It glistened off the tops of tall pines and caught falling snowflakes like glitter...against her cheek. The window wasn't supposed to be open the way it was now. It was so cold and she was letting the heat out of the car by having it open like this. She couldn't move to close it...she tried.

Her arm hurt but she pushed anyways, pressing against canvas bags on top of her as her fingers moved to clutch at the pile of coats strewn across her body and the seat beside her. The white down jacket that was now splattered in dark spots. Her mom would be so sad. It was her favorite one. Another breath of frigid air made her choke and cough again adding to the dark splotches on the white fabric. Her eyebrows furrowed and her fingers moved to touch it, wet and ...she rubbed the moisture between her fingertips. The color brought her hand to her mouth and her head began to spin, vision blurring as her eyes moved to the front seat where her parents were. There was only more of that same color. The color that she could feel running down from behind her ear and from her mouth. The crimson of the velvet her dad wore during shows. Her dad...

Her eyes watered and burned as another breath of cold air cut like jagged ice down her throat and the spinning increased in her head, pulling her eyes closed without her permission and burying her under a fog of black.

Her mom wasn't holding her hand anymore. She was alone here.

* * *

**Thing About Us- Steve Moakler (Parley's Song) {I Do Not Own These Lyrics}**

You don't have to say a word, to speak to me.  
You don't have to know what hurts, to heal me.  
Maybe that's the thing. Maybe that's the thing.

I don't have to move my feet, to dance with you.  
You don't have to look to see that my love is true.  
Maybe that's the thing. Maybe that's the thing.

Easy like a day goes by, you and I.  
Getting on our way like a lullaby.  
Like a steady rain when the ground is dry, every time we touch.  
That's the thing about us.

I don't need no crystal ball, to keep my faith.  
I think we're both better off, with a little mystery.  
Maybe that's the thing. Maybe that's the thing.

I don't have to hold your hand to feel you there.  
We don't really have a plan, but I'm not scared.  
Maybe that's the thing. Maybe that's the thing

Easy like a day goes by, you and I.  
Getting on our way like a lullaby.  
Like a steady rain when the ground is dry, every time we touch.  
That's the thing about us.

* * *

**Goodnight my Angel- Celtic Woman (I Do Not Own These Lyrics)**

Goodnight my angel.  
Time to close your eyes.  
And save these questions for another day.  
I think I know what you've been asking me.  
I think you know what I've been trying to say.  
I promised I would never leave you.  
And you should always know,  
I never will be far away.

Goodnight my angel,  
Now it's time to sleep.  
And still so many things I want to say.  
Remember all the songs you sang for me._  
_When we went sailing on a emerald bay.

And like a boat out on the ocean.  
I'm rocking you to sleep.  
The water is dark and deep inside this mother's heart.  
You'll always be a part of me.

Goodnight my angel,  
Now it's time to dream.  
And dream how wonder your life will be.  
Some day your child may cry and if you sing this lullaby.  
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me.


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's note: **Thank you for your patience with waiting for this chapter and to a very special "guest/guests" for being so eager. You really encouraged me with showing me your excitement over the story so thank you. This chapter has a loose open ending and while chapter 22 is written fully I had plans to let readers have a say in what happens next so feel free to send me a pm or post as guest if you'd like to stay anon. Thank you to everyone thats taken the time to follow this story and to everyone whose sent lovely reviews. They mean a lot to me and your opinions matter. Thank you to everyone that shares this story, friends, retweets and reblogs. You all are amazing! That being said...Love to all of you! Find me on twitter at** rcampdel** Paily*Love*Story to check out beautiful cover art for the story by: **Saii79**.

Enjoy!

* * *

_***Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.* ~Anthony**_  
_**Brandt**_

_Paige shifted in the seat beside me and looking over at her I can see her failing to stay awake. She's trying. Her eyes keep closing and then shooting open again but she hasn't broken her hold on my arm, clinging to me the way we both seem to need right now and just holding on to proof that I'm here. I need the same proof. My mind feels comforted knowing she's close too. I'm angry at myself for letting it get this far, for wanting to run and for planting doubt in Paige's mind about my intentions and feelings towards her. I never meant for Paige to doubt how I feel about her or my gratitude and love for the show and everyone else. That wasn't my goal. I don't mean to hurt anyone and yet I feel like I always do in some way. I finally feel a little stronger now just knowing that I'm capable of giving up everything I love and being okay. I've never had to give up anything before, I've never been given the chance to give anything up. Everything has always just been taken from me until now. Until now no one has really fought to keep me and when Paige showed up at Riley's it was so confusing and so many parts of me didn't want to believe it because I'm not familiar with the feeling. I don't know how to believe in things that meaningful happening to me. I left knowing Paige would be okay and happy with Emily but I also needed to make that decision for myself without anyone else. Now that I've made it I know that my decision to be back with the show and every decision that follows will be mine too. No one else's and if I let it be anyone else's then that's on me too. The show isn't an escape for me this time. It's not me running from New York or my dark past there. It's me learning and wanting to be with the people that want me and need me as much as I need them. So quickly I'd forgotten a promise that I made to myself three years ago. Emily reminded me of a promise that I made to Paige's parents._

_Paige moved again, her head slipping lower on the headrest and making her startle awake for just a moment._

_"Come here." I whispered, pulling my arm away from her._

_Her eyes startle open again to look at me and automatically she sinks lower and pulls her legs on to the leather seat, propping her head against my thigh as she lays down on her side. Her eyes close quickly with her face nestled into my side and carefully I let my arm drape over her shoulder. I don't want to disturb her or keep her from sleeping. Its been the longest few days for everyone...especially Paige and by extension...Emily._

_I can still remember the last time Paige leaned into me like this but I can promise you she probably doesn't. That's not her fault though. It was hard, it wasnt calm and peaceful like this is now. It was terrifying and heartbreaking, a nightmare. December has never been a good month for me. The phone call I got three years ago in December was the worst and I'd deal with Cole all over again if I hadn't had to hear that ringing, if the call had never been needed._

_*fall on your knees, oh hear the angel voices*_

_"Hey guys we're out of here." Peter called over the Christmas music belting from the living room and slipped his head into the kitchen. An amused smile tugging at his lips when he takes in Riley pressing my back into the kitchen counter, teasing with the hem of my shirt. "Really? Tisk tisk, Riley. Your own mother's kitchen?" He shakes his head._

_"Go home, Peter." I sigh. "Learn from your parent's mistakes. Use birth control." I smile seeing Sydney laugh over his shoulder._

_"Ouch, Mary." He sighs with a smile and backs down, eyeing the cookies on the counter beside me._

_"Take them." I groan, turning in Riley's arms to grab a container. The only thing this accomplishes, besides getting Peter the cookies he wants, is that now Riley is pressing into my back and making my breath hitch in my throat. "Here..." I clear my throat, dropping a few cookies into the container and holding it out to Peter. "Goodnight, we love you, now go home please."_

_"Kicking me out so you can defile the kitchen." Peter shakes his head and grabs the container from my hands and with the warning look in my eyes he loses his smile and ducks his head as he turns to leave. "Thanks for the cookies."_

_"Oh hey wait..." I call, making him stop and turn to me by the door. "Did you hear from them yet?" My hand moves to slap Riley's away from my hips but he doesn't phase my train of thought._

_"No not yet." Peter shakes his head. "I figured they'd call in the morning if its late."_

_Paige and her parents are headed to Aspen for Christmas. They left here around lunch time so we all expected them to be late getting there. I know Riley and I would both rather be spending Christmas somewhere else too, maybe Paris or just outside of Lincoln in general. Riley's mom wanted us here and I understand that. I can't argue and I won't fight it. She already spends so much of the year without him so I don't blame her for missing him. I would. At the same time I miss all of them during those months away too. I miss his parents and Molly and right now I miss Paige and her parents too. I guess none of them are really mine to miss but I do anyways._

_I nod and slap Riley's hand away again. "Okay just let us know." I smile, groaning when Riley digs his nails in to tickle me. "Stop...seriously stop." I laugh._

_"Don't stay up too late." Peter chuckles, turning towards Sydney and leaving Riley and I standing alone in the dark kitchen._

_"Yes, Dad." I call after him, setting my eyes on the pair of green that are burning into me. "I'm tired. Its been a long night." I whined, pressing my hands into Riley's stomach. "Are you really gonna keep me from sleeping when I'm tired?"_

_Riley smiled and ducked his head as he stepped back, unpinning me from the counter and allowing me to pull my purple shirt back down over my exposed hips. The house is mostly quiet now, with the sound of the front door closing behind Peter and Sydney, but I can hear Mrs. Brennan upstairs trying to get Molly in bed. She's two and hopped up on the cookies that we baked earlier so I don't envy anyone the task of calming her down. _

_"I'd never keep you from sleeping." Riley sighed dreamily. "I can't watch you for hours while you sleep if you're awake.. can I?"_

_I look at him warily and shake my head. "Fuck, I really hope you're kidding."_

_"Of course I'm kidding. " He shrugged nonchalantly. "I have no idea what you look like when you're sleeping because I'm also sleeping so..."_

_"Well that's good. I'm sparing you." My hand moves to tousle my hair over my shoulders as I move around him and open the sliding glass door to the back yard. _

_Its dark and cold. Just after 8pm and there's a thin blanket of snow across the grass. I know I know. Eight isn't very late but we've been doing this Christmas stuff with Riley's family all week and I'm drained. The empty pool is covered in a dark blue top and patio furniture in slip covers to protect them from snow. I hear Riley close the door behind us as I step down from the large porch and make my way across the brick pathway towards the guesthouse. Its lit with tiny lanterns in the ground along the sides but it's still dim and I step lightly._

_"Of course I don't know." Riley repeats, making me falter in my steps at the suspicious continuation of this conversation. I force myself to keep walking._

_"That's good." I repeat also._

_"Cuz it'd be really weird, right?"_

_"Yeah, kind of weird." I sigh and shake my head lightly, studying the ground that's slick as I walk._

_"Yeah." He agrees. "So its weird, that I *don't* know, that you tuck your hand up under your chin when you're sleeping or that your hair does this twisting curly thing around your face." I sigh and pick up my pace but he catches up. "And I *don't* know that your lips do this really cute pouty thing and sometimes your eyebrows crinkle a little bit in the middle like you're thinking about something. Sometimes you talk and once.."_

_I stop a foot from the door and turn to him which, judging by his quick step back from me, he's not expecting. So quickly my hand has twisted into the front of his burgundy sweater and I'm pulling him to my lips with a fever. He's surprised and hesitates to kiss me back, his hands moving to my cheeks to break me away instead._

_"What was that for?" He whispers, green eyes questioning. "Not that I'm complaining...at all...I just..."_

_"Then stop talking." I smile, reaching my fingers down to release his belt in one swift movement and teasing with the smooth skin there. "Maybe I'm not tired anymore."_

_I can tell it's not exactly the answer he's hoping for. I know he wants more. Something softer and deeper than I can give him and while I can't say it out loud, I feel the stirring in my chest and that's already way too much for me. I can't bring myself to say it and I try to stop myself from feeling it. It's there and I'm trying my best to bury it along with all the pieces of me that someone else left shattered. It's not Riley's fault...but I can't fix it because I don't know how. It's like a jigsaw puzzle when you know so many pieces are missing. What's the point? I don't even know where to start and the picture of me won't ever be complete._

_He melts into my mouth again, a peppery sandalwood to his skin as he guides me backwards, his hand reaching out for the door to the guest house and walking us inside. It's barely closed behind him before I feel my back pressing into the counters of the small kitchen and the heat of his hands sliding up my sides, pulling my shirt up with them...over my head. My hair falls in curtains over my shoulders as my arms fall down to remove his sweater and I let my eyes drink in the hard lines of his stomach before my hands are on him, running up across his chest and into his hair. I move my mouth to bite at his neck instead of kissing him and I can feel his fingers work over the button of my jeans. It isn't long...a few heartbeats of fumbling movement before he's lifting me on to the counter and I feel his fingers dragging softly between my thighs and pressing into me, just for a second or two before he's bringing his fingertips to his lips...his tongue. I feel my eyes darken at seeing him do this and I'm on his mouth again. So quickly I'm gasping while taking him in, air pulled from my lungs as I bury my face against his shoulder while he rocks into me and holds me closer. This is all I have to give him. It's all guys really want anyways, right? It's all anyone ever wants. I tell myself its all I want. Maybe it is._

_"Is that your phone or mine?" Riley groans, rolling over to bury his face into his pillow. "I say its yours."_

_I'm laying on my stomach and I lift my head off my pillow to look at the clock on the table beside me. The red numbers make my eyes squint. Its five after two in the morning and I see the glowing light from my phone ringing across the room on the dresser._

_"Fuck, seriously its two..."_

_"Damn Mar, middle of night booty calls?" Riley chuckled, muffled by his pillow. "You know you can just do this during the day."_

_"Shut up." I smack his arm and shift myself up. _

_I know he's joking but it's too late or...early...for humor. Whatever. All I know is I'm awake now and out of bed, I don't want to be either of those things, and my phone is ringing. Also for some reason Peter's name is flashing across my screen. It takes me a second of crinkling my eyebrows and letting my eyes adjust before I drag my thumb across the screen to answer it but I'm at a loss for why he's calling. And then it makes sense all at once. My last oblivious words to anyone before I'm thrust into yet another nightmare._

_"Hey you know you could have called in the morning to tell us they got there okay."_

_"Mar? I need you guys to get dressed." Peter's voice cracked and I assume he's been sleeping too. I'm too tired for this._

_"Peter, what's wrong?" I sigh. "Trouble sleeping?"_

_"Marley please just..." he's upset, crying maybe but I can't tell. _

_"What's wrong?" I ask again, more firmness in my voice and I see Riley sit up in bed to look at me with questioning eyes. "Did you and Sydney have a fight or something?" I don't know why he'd be calling for that purpose but its all my mind can come up with._

_I hear a sob on the other end of the line. He's crying, mumbling something and I can't pick up a single word of what he's saying. I strain my ears to pick the jumbled mess apart but I'm not even sure he's saying words. He's so frantic._

_"Peter whats wrong?" I'm raising my voice now, "I can't understand a word you're saying. Take a deep breath and calm down for a minute...I don't know what you're..." I throw my hand up and look over at Riley with worried eyes and he's climbing out of the bed now, pulling a t-shirt over his head and slipping into jeans. Clarity returns to Peter instantly when my name leaves his lips._

_"Marley, I need you both to get dressed and meet me out front. I'm about to pull up." _

_The line goes dead and something clicks in my head while at the same time doesn't register at all. I look down at the screen and notice a missed called from a few minutes ago. My first thought is Peter as well but I don't recognize the number and I'm distracted so I drop my phone on the dresser. My hands go up to bunch into my hair as I try to make my mind work again, try to think, my eyes gliding over the room but I'm not really seeing anything. It's a blur. Riley flipped the light on and it does nothing to make me see better than a blurry watercolor of creams and pale blues on the walls...the bed. Nothing. Theres a layer of fog over me keeping everything out. Keeping everything from touching me._

_"What's going on?" Riley asks, handing me a blue long sleeve shirt and reaching for my jeans on the floor._

_All I can do is shake my head weakly with a gaping mouth. I don't know what to tell him. I'm not even sure what Peter told me. I assumed he was calling to tell us that Paige and her parents made it to Aspen okay. My heart stops and I look at him with increasing worry, pulling my shirt hard over my head and tugging it down while grabbing my jeans from him. Riley took my sudden speed in stride and moved around me, slipping into his sneakers and grabbing my bag and his phone while I slid into my boots. I ignore the mirror and moved quickly from the small loft, down the wrought iron spiral staircase and feel the vibrations through metal of Riley right behind me._

_Its warm outside now...it shouldn't be. The path still covered in ice and the lawn in snow. My breath is present in white wisps leaving my lips but I can't feel the cold that should be there. It feels too hot. Its amazing I'm able to walk the pathway so quickly without slipping on ice and its even more weird to me that I make note of this accomplishment along with the counting of the four porch steps. Why am I doing this? Why am I voicing each step that I take inside of my head instead of thinking about Peter crying and his reason for calling me. I make note that I'm over thinking it because I don't even know why he was crying or calling. It could be anything...and yet there's only one option that's terrifying me right now._

_Riley has moved ahead of me somehow and opened the sliding glass door to the house and as I step inside I falter and instantly my ears strain to make note of every sound. The kitchen is dark and soft noise moves me to walk quickly into the living room to see Peter standing in the open doorway. I freeze in my steps. Sydney is standing beside him and she edged her way in beside Riley's mom as she stands holding the door. They're all looking at us. There are three tear-streaked faces, four as movement catches my eyes to see Riley's dad sitting on the couch with pained green eyes. _

_I fell then. _

_I saw Peter standing in the doorway with Riley's parents, tears streaming his face...and my knees caved...I fell. I can feel the warm wood floors beneath me but just as quickly I feel arms around my waist and it must be Riley. I can smell the vanilla and pepper on his skin and I clung to it because all of my other senses have seemed to abandon me completely. He must have led me because the next thing I know the three of us are in Peter's car and words are drifting past my ears. I find it strange that I can hear the words but I'm unable to really hear what they are. They're just shapeless sounds, completely foreign to me like Peter's speaking another language. 'Accident'...I don't know that word...'hospital'...nothing phases me...'Paige'_

_Paige's name snapped my attention when it left Peter's lips and I start screaming at him again. _

_"What are you saying?" I shouted, feeling again as Riley's hands closed around my waist to pull me close. "What the fuck are you saying? You're not making sense...nothing you're saying is making sense...just speaking fucking English...please!"_

_"Marley..." Riley's voice is trying to soothe me and hearing it makes me freeze the profanities in my throat as I look at him. He's crying in a knowing way that scares me. It tells me that he's understanding Peter's words and what he's saying but how come I can't? Why can't I hear them?_

_Peter isn't making sense to me. Paige is okay. She's with her parents for Christmas in Aspen so why was Peter crying and mentioning her in the same sentence as these scary words. Riley is looking lost and trying to hold me close but I kept screaming, fighting. I can't stop screaming because if I do then I may really hear what Peter is trying to say. I may actually hear the words and I can't. I scream until my voice is gone and my eyes are heavy and dry._

_The airport is a blur. People bustling around with smiles as they were reunited with their families for the holidays. I'm entranced by them. They're surreal in their festive moods and their laughter. Its like something from a movie that you don't expect to actually see in real life. So giddy and over the top. I was numb and somehow still more scared than I'd ever been but I couldn't stop watching them all and wanting to be them. They're so happy and hopeful and I'm not. The whole flight more words drifted around me that made me want to scream again. I tuned them out, refused to hear them at all. A flight attendant asked if I was okay at one point and then recoiled when my eyes snapped to look at her. I wasn't okay. None of us were._

_We flew into Denver and I still can't remember much of how we got to the hospital. The smell as the sliding doors opened for us made my stomach turn and I'm instantly thrust back to last time I was in a place like this. The sterile smell of bleach and the doctors poking and prodding me, touching my body in the places that I cut off from myself...the places stolen from me two months prior. I lost a lot but this feels worse. __Peter moved quickly to the counter and began talking to a round woman sitting with her coffee. The smell made me more nauseous. Minutes passed and with each one the sickening feeling increased in my stomach. I felt like I could hear every clock in the hospital ticking in my ears and taunting me that they knew something that I didn't._

_"McCullers family?"_

_I turn at the name to see a doctor coming from a hallway to the left of the front desk. My first thought is that he's too young to be a doctor and I want to hit him right then and there when he introduces himself as such. Then again I hate everyone in the room right now. I feel like they're staring. I want to hit the doctor for saying that name, a name so close to our hearts, and saying it in such a hopeless way. I forget his name the second I hear it. Peter nods and swallows hard and I feel Riley's arm tighten around my waist. I scold myself now. I'm a mess and he must be too. I move my hand to take his and offer him as much as I can in the way of support but my body is shaking and I'm not much help to anyone._

_"Can you all please follow me so we can find a quiet place to talk?" The doctor asks, his eyes are soft and already he's turning without waiting for an answer from us. _

_We don't have a choice and he knows it. It's not wrong of him it's just a simple fact. We're here for information and a truth that only he can give us. We follow him. The air working into my lungs burns. It feels like fire in my throat from screaming and its coming fast now, panting in a way that I can feel my eyes glazing over with each breath I take and the air shaking past my lips. They're trembling. I can't see without Riley's hands guiding me and I feel useless because I know he needs me too. The hallway is too long, like a carnival fun house, and I'm tired of walking it as soon as we start. Not tired so much as impatient, anxiety prickling at my skin and crawling through my veins. I have half a mind to lock my legs and stop this delay right now but at the same time I have no energy for it either. I find myself contemplating which option I could manage. The long hallway or fighting what I know is coming. I've seen enough doctor shows to worry about us being pulled into a quiet room to talk. That's where we are now. The hallway ended after another hallway and an elevator two floors up. I still hadn't decided on either of my options so the walk had continued...the doctor leading the way choosing for me. Riley squeezed my hand and I use all I have to squeeze back. The room we're brought to is quiet. Too quiet and still sterile with the smell of latex even though there aren't medical supplies in here. There's a large table surrounded by chairs...a few tan files on the dark wood of the table top. The smell of coffee is much stronger. I'm glaring into the coffee machine on a small counter for increasing the rolling of my stomach as the doctor pulls out chairs for us. I don't want to._

_We aren't alone with him in the room. There's a woman in a soft blue sweater with a white lab coat over top sitting in a chair at the end of the table and a police officer standing in the corner of the room. The doctor turns to Peter after gesturing for us to sit again. Peter does, albeit reluctantly, but neither Riley or I even attempt to move. I don't know if he's as paralyzed as I am or if he's afraid to let go of me for fear I might fall...or that he will. Maybe I'm offering more support than I think I am. I'm trying._

_"Peter Devon?" The doctor asks softly, waiting until Peter nods weakly. "You're listed as the emergency contact for Nick and Anne McCullers..."_

_The police officer stepped forward and took a seat beside the doctor when Peter nodded again. I'm holding my breath now. It has Riley pulling me tighter against his side and everyone looking at us carefully. He speaks this time._

_"Just after midnight there was an automobile accident involving the McCullers' red Range Rover, Nebraska plates, on highway 82 near Basalt, Colorado. The three passengers of that vehicle were airlifted here for medical treatment."_

_This is the moment I tried to breathe again and failed. They were here, somewhere in this hospital, and I should be able to breathe now. I can't. The words leaving the police officer's mouth quickly become numb to my ears because I feel like I'm waiting for something else. I try so hard not to hear his words like I failed to hear Peter's but these ones won't evade me. They refuse._

_Speed wasn't a factor in the accident. There was a storm limiting visibility and the tires of the car got caught in the edge of the pavement on the shoulder of the road and spun the car out sideways, into the guard rail and breaking through when truck hit them from behind. The drop was steep and they didn't yet know how many times the car had rolled before it stopped. Peter is crying again and I can feel moisture streaking my cheeks...I don't move to wipe it away because I can also feel the shaking in Riley's arms around me. I'm not a doctor but I'll never forget what we were told by this one when he finally opened his mouth to speak again. I think we all knew it was bad without him having to say it...though he said it anyways. _

_"Nick and Anne McCullers sustained critical injuries in the accident and were pronounced dead upon arrival at our hospital. We did everything we could. I'm so sorry." _

_Massive head trauma and internal bleeding. It's not hard to know how bad it was. When bleeding occurs in the brain pressure build up can easily stop brain function that regulates the major organs. Internal injuries, such a large bones being broken, causes a lot of bleeding inside of the body and that takes away from the amount of blood needed in the brain resulting in a lack of oxygen. Neither of Paige's parents made it to hospital. Neither of them survived to leave the car again._

_The only sounds my ears pick up now are ones of despair and loss. Peter was so close with them. For almost twenty years he's been close with the whole family. They were the kindest people I'd ever known. Mrs. McCullers used to hang out with me and the girls while we were practicing. She was always with us or spending every moment with...feeling snapped into my body along with movement and I needed to know about Paige. The doctor hasn't mentioned her yet. Why wouldn't they have mentioned her? All of the 'doctor terms' only served to distract me from where my heart was needing to be at the moment and I started screaming again. _

_"Paige?" I cried, pleading frantically and pulling myself out of Riley's arms. "Wheres Paige? You said there were three passengers. The third passenger is Paige. Where is she?"_

_Paige stirred slightly against my side and I snap back, looking down at her sleeping and her auburn waves falling over her face. I moved my hand carefully to comb her hair back behind her ear and smile because she does. She's dreaming and I pray its something happier than where my thoughts are now. She deserves something happier. The small scar above her eyebrow rips her away from me again. _

_Peter wrapped his arms around me as my knees buckled. He's doing everything to try to keep me from falling when all I really wanted was permission to fall to the cold floor like Riley had, to will the room to stop spinning. His arms are strong. They must be strong because I never get to touch that cool tile. I can't see through the tears. The ache in my chest is the worst pain I've felt... the biggest loss because this loss isn't just about me. It isn't just the pain of sixteen year old girl its the pain of a whole family. Its our pain. It's for Paige. I'm counting blessings. I'm thanking some higher power for what the doctor is saying now. Paige is okay. She hit her head, mild injuries, and the doctors were keeping her under light anesthesia while they run tests and scans to check for brain trauma and internal damage to vital organs or bleeding. The doctor stood from his chair._

_"Mr. Devon, because this was a car accident and they were brought into our care...we need family to make a positive identification. Since you're listed as their only contact...I'm sorry but there's no one else."_

_"Oh my God..." Peter chokes on his words and tightens his arms around me. I can feel his lips press into my hair as if trying to keep me from slipping away from him too. _

_I hold him closer, returning the pressure. I forgot what oxygen was just in hearing Peter fight for his breath and my chest caves helplessly against him. My eyes move to look around Peter's shoulder and I see Riley crouched down, knees bent with his head fallen into his hands. He looks up at me and the pain in his eyes breaks me. The tears streaking his cheeks. I feel my own body weaken and yet he makes himself grow stronger in that moment. He forces it and I can see it like an invisible shield of resolve that he's mentally stretching to cover his whole body. It hurts more seeing him trying to be strong for us._

_"I'll go with you." Riley whispers, straightening himself up._

_Riley's arms wrap around me and feel his lips press to my forehead and my eyes close just briefly before he puts his hand on Peter's shoulder. The police officer is waiting beside the door with another doctor that's just arrived and I watch them helplessly as they leave me behind. I can't bring myself to move and I don't envy them the increase of pain they're about to go through. I can't imagine it and yet imaging it even as much as I am is so unbearable. I squeeze my eyes shut to fight the burn but that only pulls more tears down my cheeks that feel like fire on cold skin. I shiver._

_"Are you Marley?"_

_My head snaps to the woman sitting quietly at the end if the table. I'd forgotten she was there and I'm thrown into a whirl of confusion because she just spoke my name. I try to nod but I'm taken aback by this and I can't. She stands with a tan file in her hands and moves closer. Her brown hair is pulled into a messy bun and she sets her hazel eyes on me carefully._

_"My name is Dr. Lynn." Her voice is so light but with the new silence in the room I hear her perfectly. "I'm Paige's doctor. Are you Marley?" She asks again. _

_The air I'm trying to breathe forms a painful bubble in my throat and I nod...I can't speak. The last time a doctor said my name this gently it was so many years ago. She nods with me, mimicking the movement of my head and opening the folder in her hands, looking down over its contents. _

_"As you know Mr. Devon was listed as the emergency contact for the McCullers', both Nick and Anne."_

_"Yeah." I nod again, wiping my fingers under my eyes at hearing their names again. They should be here. Peter and Riley shouldnt be on their way to see them the way they are now. "Is something wrong?" I press, noticing her eyes reading over something in her folder._

_"No, not wrong." She shakes her head and looks up at me with another wave of sympathy, reinforcing her remorse with her eyes before looking back down at the folder. "We retained their wallets, for identification purposes and any help in locating family and you're listed as the emergency contact for Paige McCullers."_

_My eyebrows furrow and I'm already shaking my head. "No...no that's probably supposed to be Peter." My voice cracks...its so dry._

_"No." She shakes her head again, and pulls a small white card out from under a paperclip. "This was found in Anne McCullers' wallet along with a matching card in Nick McCullers'." She holds it out to me and I hesitate for a second before taking it. It feels wrong touching things of theirs but now my breath is caught hard in my throat. "Insurance agencies usually have cards like this that can be kept in wallets in the event that a card holder is brought to a hospital. Usually basic information, any allergies or medications and emergency contact information. Anything to help doctors with treatment and to contact family."_

_My eyes fall heavily on the small picture of Paige in the top right corner and then carefully they move to find her name...then my name. Not Mary...*my real name*_

_"I didn't know they had this." I force a weak breath, never taking my eyes from the card in my fingertips. "Paige didn't tell me."_

_"Paige may not have known." She said softly. "It's a 'parent' thing to do. Most people Paige's age don't think to have something like this on them so my guess is that her parents thought ahead for her and where just taking precautions in the event of anything happening. We see it a lot with families that travel often. Her parents obviously wanted you to be contacted for her...not Mr. Devon."_

_My mind goes to the other missed call on my phone and eyes slam shut to fight more tears but I fail. It's a losing battle before its even started. Emotions are pulling at me from all sides and right now this is too much. I can't focus on any one feeling because there are so many._

_"Would you like to see her?"_

_My eyes open and I'm nodding quickly. I'm nervous but I need to see her. I know she's so much more scared than I am. Her parents wanted me here for her. My fingers hold the card gently, tracing my thumb lightly around the edges and over Paige's picture...my name printed beside it._

_Dr. Lynn walked past me slowly and led the way back out into the hallway. The bustle of nurses are just a blur like a time lapsed city street with streaking traffic lights that form a continuous line. We aren't far away from her and this makes me angry. Just around a busy nurse's desk and a few doors away and the doctor stops. Paige was so close this whole time. My heart starts beating out of my chest and now I'm so scared to see her. I'm scared to see her hurting and unknowing of everything that's happened._

_"Like we said we're keeping her under until test results come back which should be soon. It's best that she's calm. Just a precaution to prevent further injury especially if there's swelling in the brain we want to minimize stress. Shes completely stable so we're expecting a good outcome. We're just being safe. So far we only know of five hairline fractures to the ribs and a fractured shoulder-blade. The glass of the windows shattered during the accident and caused small skin lacerations on her arms but they're very minor. She was really lucky."_

_I nod and scoff lightly through my tears. Lucky isn't exactly a word I'd use right now and I know once Paige wakes up she's not going to be feeling lucky at all. I swallow the dryness in my throat. My eyes feel like they're full of sand as she opens the door and leaves me alone...just standing there and staring into a dark room. I don't know how long I stand there before I push myself to move and I don't move a second before my eyes have a chance to look down at the card in my hands again...ten more times. It's probably the only thing that pulls me forward because it contains everything. Her face is there and her name...my name. I move slowly and turn to close the door behind me, letting my forehead rest into the cool wood for a moment before taking a weak breath and turning to face the room. I keep my back pressed hard into the door. I can't breath from what I'm seeing now._

_Its dark. The only light in the room is coming from a small lamp that's shining over her head, picking up flecks of red in her hair over her shoulders. My eyes shut and the ache in my chest increases as more tears roll slowly down my cheeks but in the same breath I'm pushing my back up from the door and walking closer, carefully bringing my eyes to look at her again and it only hurts more. What I see makes the tears fall faster and my hands are shaking. She could be sleeping on the train. Her face is still so flawless. There's a small cut above her eyebrow, a cut on her lower lip and only a slight purple under her left eye. I tell myself she's only sleeping and that it's just an ordinary night that I happen to see her sleeping on the white couches in the lounge car or curled up in a chair in the commons, happy and at peace with her family nearby. She's always been able to sleep anywhere. I reach slowly to touch her hair, brushing it behind her ear and bringing my sleeve up to wipe under my eyes when I see the small cuts on her arms. There's a chair already waiting next to her but I ignore it and move carefully to sit on the bed beside her instead._

_Paige and I havent been the closest...we've just *been*. I can't even put into words what it is, it just is. Like a precipice that we're both comfortable standing on together. It's just easy and safe. It feels like home. This is hard. Seeing her laying here and knowing what she's gonna wake up to is the hardest thing I've been through and I know I've been through a lot. She's Paige. She's the girl that came to me last year in a moment of weakness and made herself vulnerable to me, let me see through her for just a split second. In return I reinforced the walls around my own heart, made them stronger, not just for myself but so that nobody around me would have to feel the pain I felt watching Paige's heart break that night and the days that followed. I thought it hurt seeing her like she was then...but right now? What she's about to go through may kill me._

_Paige's hand is slightly bruised in mine. I'm so careful, gently brushing my thumb over the purple on her knuckles up to her wrist. The breaths leaving her lungs are slow and even and I make note of this because suddenly mine aren't. Again my chest is caving and my eyes are forced shut at the onslaught of new tears. I tell myself that I don't know why I'm affected so much in that second, holding her hand the way I am now. It's a lie and I know better. It's the bruises on her hand and the scars that are going to be left on her life._

_There's a soft knock at the door and I gasp lightly from being startled, my eyes snapping over to it protectively, some instinct is setting in and making me wary of anyone and everyone trying to come close to her. Riley ducks his head in carefully and my body relaxes seeing him. He moves closer with his hands deep in his pockets and Peter slips in behind him. I'm holding my breath. Theres so much redness in their eyes and my eyes must be questioning because without a word Riley ducks his head and nods weakly. He can't look at me, Peter either. Paige's parents are gone and even though we heard this truth already it doesn't stop another wave of pain from slamming through us again. Things became such a blur after that moment. The hours passed slowly, two then five. We sat unmoving and silent. Peter and Riley in chairs on either sides of the bed and me unable to pull myself from Paige. I didn't once release her hand._

_"Test results and scans came back good." Dr. Lynn stated, slipping quietly into the room. "Shes okay aside from the small fractures I mentioned but we know she does have a pretty bad concussion. I'm going to administer this through her IV." She pulled the cap from tip of a needle and moved closer to insert it. "Its going to wake her up but she's going to be really groggy for a few hours and she'll likely end up falling in and out of sleep."_

_"She doesn't know about her parents." I said flatly. _

_Its more of an observation spoken out loud but her response has my skin burning and I pull myself up from beside Paige, standing to my feet instead. I feel weak standing. I hadn't left Paige's side in six hours and now I'm hearing this. The doctors don't want to tell her about her parents right away because they don't want to slow her recovery or cause confusion because of the concussion. How could that ever be the right thing to do?_

_Dr. Lynn looks at us softly. "I'll leave all alone with her. I'll be back in a few minutes to check her progress." _

_She disappeared through the door and my hands move to cover my mouth tightly and my eyes slam shut, maybe to stop from throwing profanities at her and maybe just to keep from screaming and never stopping. Paige doesn't know about her parents and now she's going to wake up. She's going to ask for them and we're not supposed to tell her. I can't lie to her. Her parents are gone. She doesn't even know. She might not even remember what happened at all let alone where she is._

_"I can't lie to her...I can't..." I'm saying it out loud...I'm repeating it through blurry eyes as tears fall and quickly I feel stronger arms around me. It's Peter. "We can't lie to her."_

_I turn and bury my face into's his chest and I'm heartbroken at how sunken he is too. I feel him reach an arm out and Riley is there behind me, wrapping his arms around my stomach and resting his chin into my shoulder. I don't know how long we stood there unmoving. It was a long time, but I know the moment we broke apart. Paige's heartbeat stopped on the monitor, it skipped for long second and then picked up so much faster. I turned to see her brown eyes falling on all of us, the panic there._

_"No..." Paige's voice cracked and I pried myself from Peter's arm and moved to her side. "No...no..."_

_Paige isn't stupid and the second she opened her eyes she knew. She saw us and she knew. Her eyes melted and her chest caved, tears were unstoppable. The word 'no' left her mouth thirty times. I counted. Counting was the only thing that kept me from screaming the way she was in that moment. The room door flew open and the doctor and nurse came flooding in. That was the moment I could have been ripped from the room against my will. _

_"Paige, I'm Dr. Lynn. You're okay. I'm going to give you something to help you relax just a little bit." She soothed, the nurse moving to touch her IV line. _

_"No don't." I plead, pushing through Riley's arms that were already reaching to hold me back...to pull me away. "Please...don't touch her."_

_"We need to keep her calm and monitor her carefully over the next..."_

_Paige screamed 'no' sixteen more times and I can hear the tears leaving her. I can't look at her. My eyes are only on the doctor pulling the cap off another needle. Paige didn't ask for this and I fought for her when she couldn't._

_"Don't." My voice is firm as I step between Paige and the needle. I see movement from Riley tense, uncomfortable with me being close to an open needle and ready to interfere. My eyes move to see him stepping closer to Paige too. "Please don't. You can't. She doesn't want to sleep again." I block the doctors and held my ground for Paige._

_"Marle.." Dr. Lynn urged._

_"No." I shouted back at them, clenching my fists. The volume of Paige's cries were only increasing. "You're not touching her. She's okay. You said she's okay!" This wasn't fair of them. Paige wasnt an animal that needed to be sedated. Her whole world was falling apart around her and we were all powerless to do anything. I could do this for her. _

_"We need to..."_

_"I said don't touch her!"_

_I grabbed the syringe from her hand and tossed it in the trashcan beside the bed. She'd need a new one now which meant she'd have to leave the room though the look in my eyes is telling her to give up. I turn away from her and my eyes fall on Paige. She's struggling, still weak and tired but she's fighting it with everything she has. I can feel her heart breaking with every shake of her head that's trying to deny the truth through her tears. Quickly I move to her, forgetting about the doctors and everyone else in the room, and I slide on to the bed beside her again. I held her._

_She's so pale right now. The pink that's usually so soft on her cheeks is gone and her lips are slightly blue. Her skin feels too cold and my arms wrapped around her, using my sleeves to help warm her while pulling the thin blanket up over her. She didn't pull away from me...not once and she calmed down just having someone hold her. It's all I could offer her and I think she knew that, she needed it. She fell asleep again after awhile and the doctor's left her alone. I didn't move. My eyes would move to Peter and Riley sitting beside us, just watching her as she slept buried into my shoulder, scared for the next time her eyes would open because the screams would start all over again in a tormenting cycle._

_Paige's parents silently called me out with that small white card, the one with my name on it. They knew better. Somehow they knew me. They wanted me to be here for Paige. Such a large part of me feels guilty, every part of me does. I havent wanted to be Marley in so long and I may never want to be Marley again but that's not the point. It's that I've fooled a lot of people but not them. Even Riley doesn't know my full name, my last name at least, because he knows how inconsistent my upbringing was. He's never questioned it. _

_Right now the room is silent. Theres still comfort here no matter how much hurt. Even when its unbearable._

_My eyes open and I swallow hard and look at him. He's awake. His chair is moved as close to me as the bed will allow and his arm is draped over my thigh, close to Paige too but careful not to touch her. His eyes move to the card still in my hand and then to me. They're so soft touching me and he's curious but he doesn't ask. He doesn't push. Instead he shifts lower in his chair and hunches over, resting his head against my thigh and letting his eyes close and rest. They're red and I know they're dry and burning painfully the way mine are. Naturally and without words we've taken to sleeping in shifts. My eyes go to the card tight in my hand and I move it closer to his hand on my lap. The slightest movement from me has him lifting his head to see what's wrong, thinking Paige is waking up again or that I need something. He's concerned until his eyes meet mine and the white card I'm offering him now. His jaw tenses slightly in hesitation to take it from my hand but with reassurance in my eyes...he takes it slowly and lets his eyes fall to study it. His eyes water more when they do and it worries me. I don't know what it means. He's sad I know but...maybe he's upset, or angry. He knows now that I kept my name from him. I know my name shouldn't be on this card. I know I don't deserve. Riley must know that too. How could he not? It should be him or Peter. Never me. He's good, he's so much better than I am and I'll never be good enough for him or any of them. Cassie hurting Paige was the final nail in my coffin when it comes to locking my heart away but this...this is burying me._

_I feel my eyes pool over and I close them to try and hide it but warmth on my hand pulls them open again. Riley has my hand pressed to his lips...just holding me there in a long kiss and unwilling to let me go. Seconds pass until he places the card back in my hand and closes my fingers around it protectively. Theres nothing but love in his green eyes and comfort in this quiet moment. It confuses me. His actions are so far from my fears moments ago that I don't even know how to process my feelings. So I don't. I'm too tired to try so I bury them with me instead. He presses another kiss to my hand and brings my arm to wrap around his shoulders as he rests his head into my thigh again...asking me to hold him close, needing me to. My fingers move slowly and brush through his hair. I falter when he moves but he's not pulling away. He's trying to nestle closer to me so I keep with the soft movements and it isn't long...a few minutes before his breathing becomes shallow and sleep finds him. Knowing he's sleeping makes my heart hurt less._

_My eyes move carefully to Paige still sleeping against my shoulder with her blanket tucked under chin while my left arm is wrapped around her back, holding her to me. Peter is on her side of the bed but he's not sleeping now. His grey eyes are on Paige, his chin resting on his crossed arms on the bed beside Paige's thigh. They flicker up to me and in an instant he's moving to take my free hand that's around Paige's waist and applying light pressure. God, I just want to bury every piece of myself if it means never hurting these people. My walls are high enough already but right now I'm adding a few more layers. _

_Maybe I've never really fooled anyone. I never want to hurt anybody, not intentionally, but I lied to Paige's parents and they saw through me. They chose me. Don't ask me why. I'm confused about it too. I've done nothing to deserve it at all and I'll probably never do anything in my lifetime to deserve it. It could have easily been Peter's name on this card and it would have actually made sense but it's not his name. It could have been Riley's. It should have been one of them but its my name. Paige may not always need me but she does right now and right now I need her too. She's our only light in this dark room and the only hope that survived something so terrible. Every light seems to be clinging to her. I'm scared for her because I know her life won't ever be the same. She's missing something now and she might never really be okay but she has me...she has all of us. I know we aren't a lot, I'm not much of anything, but I'm not leaving her._

_None of us left the hospital for days. I never left the room. When Paige slept I was there and when she woke up screaming I was there too. I held her close while she cried and I cried with her. Riley was beside himself. There were so many times when I'd wake up beside Paige and his head would be nestled into her lap or mine as he cried so quietly that the beeping of the machines drowned him out. Paige's hand would be resting lightly in his hair. My fingers would find their way there too. They'd been a family to him and the loss hit him hard. I didn't have to look at Peter to know his level of pain. I knew Peter and everything he'd been through in his life, his nearly twenty years with the McCullers. Paige had always been like a daughter to him. Time was the only thing capable of healing wounds so deep and even then they left painful scars. Everlasting. _

_Paige in a lot of ways has been like Gracie to me...or Bailey. She's healed so many of my wounds without even realizing it and I'm hating myself for forgetting that so quickly. I know leaving was a decision I needed to make on my own and now I've made it. I left...I proved to myself that I could. But I'm back now and I'm not leaving again. I need my family. They're all I have._

_I run my fingers through Paige's hair again and I pull my eyes away from the road to glance at her still sleeping against my thigh. Her hand is tucked under her chin and her nose is pressed into the purple cotton on my stomach. She's peaceful now and there's a pink to her cheeks that she'd lost three years ago. It's a color I've noticed a lot on her lately, the last week in particular, and I couldn't be more happy about it being back. The person responsible for it? I love her more everyday._

_"Je serai toujours là pour toi."_

_ I'll always be here for you._

_"Did you sleep okay?" I whisper, the stirring of air in the car bring my eyes back up to the road._

_"Yes." Emily answered softly, leaning up from the backseat to rest her chin above my shoulder. "How long as she been sleeping?"_

_I look down at Paige again and then up at the clock. Its been hours already and I haven't even noticed. I've been lost. _

_"About three hours." I hear the smile on Emily's lips somehow and she reaches her arm over the seat to touch Paige too, her hand brushing lightly over the bare skin of her arm, over a place that I know used to show small cuts from broken glass though they've long since disappeared. "There's a blanket under the seat." I whisper. "If you think she might be cold or anything..."_

_Emily shifted away automatically and its a weird feeling even though it feels right. It's weird to see someone caring for Paige as much I do and as much as Riley and Peter. Someone new that in just over a week loves her so openly and doesn't hesitate to show it. Emily is new to Paige's life and to ours but you'd never know it. She loves like someone who's been with Paige her whole life and if it weren't for her I may have missed these moments with Paige now...and the ones to come in the future. _

_Emily appeared over my shoulder again and I lift my arm for her to drape a violet fleece blanket over Paige's body. She should be warm but I lower my hand again and can't seem to pull my fingers from combing through her hair. The movement freezes when Emily's hand appears in mine, absent-minded and softly picking at a curl on my shoulder. I'm not expecting it but even though it's not close enough for me to really feel...I'm comforted by it._

_"I should probably apologize for pulling the 'Purple Card' on you, but I don't really feel sorry about it." Emily admits, letting her fingers twist gentle with the spiral as she watches Paige sleeping._

_This makes me smile, Emily half apologizing for doing something amazing. "Well to be fair I gave you the 'Purple Card' first. I just didn't expect karma and usually I'm so good at knowing when that bitch is around."_

_"Well I told her to practice stealth in this case or I'd kick her ass." Emily chuckled but it was weak. "I'm sorry if it wasn't fair of me though. I'm just learning the people that I want in my life and you're very high on that list."_

_"Ems plays dirty?" I smile, glancing over at her to see a guilty smile on her lips. She's proud too but she's guilty for feeling proud. "So...since I now have your mother's number I'm gonna text her dirty symbols, starting with these." I wave my hand over my chest and Emily laughed lightly._

_"What?" Emily smiled. "Breasts?"_

_"Exactly." I beam proudly. I told Paige that Emily would have a better word and consider the test passed with flying colors. "Just know that its gonna happen. If she's mad she can take it up with me because I know other body parts so..." _

_"As long as you promise to leave out all details of any adult behavior her 'Emmy' is taking part in that involves said body parts."_

_"Emmy?" I look at her playfully. "You know 'Ems' is better than that, right?"_

_"It's definitely better which is why I didn't argue with the nickname." Emily smiled. "I've dealt with worse my whole life so its nice not to answer to a television production award."_

_"Well now that that's settled." I tease, letting my eyes drift down to Paige still sleeping. "Riley didn't drool on you did he?"_

_"No." Emily shook her head and breathed a laugh. "He likes to cuddle though so I'm sorry if that line was crossed."_

_"Tell me about it. We tend to all lack boundaries in this business. Dont get me started on my games with Peter." I smile. "Seriously just kick him off if you have to. Use force. He's harmless."_

_"I wouldn't dare. He's fine." Emily moved around behind the seat and returned, holding a package of candy out for me. "I'm guessing Paige offered to drive and failed so I'll keep you company if you want..."_

_I smile and bring my hand up to pull a cherry red vine from the package and Emily did the same. Holding the candy in our teeth neither of us seem willing to move from far from Paige. When my hand moved to the candy in my mouth Emily's hand drops down to Paige's shoulder and when Emily moves my hand falls back into her hair. I also notice the heat from Emily's breath as her chin is resting close to my shoulder and its relaxing just knowing someone is there. None of us are alone when we're with each other and Emily fits in so well. It feels like these are the last moments of her being new to all of this and new in our lives. Maybe she's always been here._

_Emily is the person I have to thank for keeping me where I belong. I lost sight of it. I thought with Emily here Paige would be okay and that's true but...it's not just Paige's parents picking me its Emily picking me too. Emily giving me that purple square of paper was my reminder that three years ago I made a promise to a loving couple that was no longer able to be with their daughter and I made a promise to myself. Silently I made a promise to Paige. There are people that need me and want me and hearing Paige actually say it just reminds me that I need her too. I'm not leaving her ...or any of them. I don't want to miss a second with them. The white card in my wallet proves how precious time is. I have time now but I might not always._

* * *

"I need to talk to you...about the whole contact thing." Mary whispered, pulling her eyes up from Paige to look at her.

Her eyebrows crinkled as she chewed on the candy, watching Mary struggling with her thoughts. "I really am sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel obligated or ask too much of you."

"It's not an obligation and you aren't asking too much." Mary looked at her reassuringly. "It means the world to me that you asked. That's not what I'm getting at."

"I just don't want you to feel like you have to. I didn't want you to leave and I know Paige didn't. It was a longshot."

"It's not that..." Mary looked down at Paige again. "Clearly it wasn't a longshot seeing as you broke straight through Paige and I about to kill each other."

"Is she still breathing now?" She teased, moving her fingers to touch Paige's hair where Mary's were still combing gently.

"Yes she is." Mary chuckled softly and moved her hand away from Paige, placing it back on the steering wheel instead.

That made her sad for some reason and she pulled her hand slowly away too, bringing it up to rest under her chin she leaned over the front seat beside Mary's shoulder. She looked so much more at peace than she had before and it was clear something had shifted a lot in the time that she'd been asleep.

"Paige was heartbroken." She whispered, seeing Mary glance down at Paige for a second. "When she found out you weren't there she was...I don't know. She just looked lost." Mary's hand moved back to Paige's hair and picked up the same soft movements like it was a natural response and one that made her own body relax more. It meant they had actually talked and were better for it. Paige and Mary were okay now..or at least trying. "I was too." She added. "I felt like I was missing something important too. I feel like I maybe don't have the right at all but I feel like you and Riley are supposed to be in my life too."

"I need to thank you..." Mary looked over at her, the slight shift in the direction of the conversation was disorienting but she nodded in acknowledgment. "But first I want you to know I wasnt leaving to be selfish or spiteful or to punish Paige in any way. That's not what this was. That's not me. I didn't lie to Peter when I told him this was about me, something I needed to do for myself."

"I know." She nodded. "I promise I never thought that. I told Paige days ago that I thought something was wrong but..."

"I know you did." Mary smiled. "She told me and that means a lot to me. I meant what I wrote to you. You're so good for her, you're perfect actually. I like you, not just because Paige is so happy with you but because you care so much about the rest of us and you don't really know us."

"You care about me too." She insisted. "I'm the new one to all of this and you all have done nothing but make me feel welcome and you don't know me either."

"Yeah but you make Paige so happy and we've all waited a long time to see her happy." Mary arched her eyebrows in playful challenge. "You cared enough about us to voice your concerns about Paige and I and you didn't have to do that. You don't owe us anything."

"Okay but you guys are her family and you couldn't even haze me properly." She argued. "You dropped your cards and then I hear from Paige that you're a card shark. I owe you a lot for saving me from stripping in front of strangers. I think with the dress and the barriers and the live singing for the improv...you win."

Mary groaned and threw her head back into the seat with a frustrated smile. This conversation could go on forever with them going in circles and trying to one-up each other on who was more selfless and caring.

"We'll play again and next time I wont drop my cards but just know...you will be stripping."

"I'd still owe you a lot but I'm holding you to that game anyways. Please don't let Paige try to stop it."

"Count on it. She couldnt stop me if she wanted to." Mary nodded her head softly and moved her hand away from Paige, bringing it up over her shoulder to reach for her instead. Her thankful and soft eyes meeting hers just in a quick glance. "But...I know for a fact you did something way more special for me than just throwing a card game."

She watched Mary curiously and moved to lightly take her hand, intertwining their fingers and letting them fall more comfortably to Paige's shoulder. It felt good just knowing that she was here because it had hurt earlier thinking that she and Riley were gone. It hurt watching Paige falling apart and struggling to hold herself together without them. She had felt that loss in their absence too.

"What exactly? The purple card?" She whispered, keeping her touch light against the purple on Mary's skin.

"You asked me to be a contact with your family. I mean the chances of me having to actually do anything with it are so slim but the fact that you asked me to do it..." Mary swallowed weakly and looked down at Paige and their hands resting together on her shoulder. "You're probably wondering why I gave up so quickly when you handed me that and why I didn't fight it at all?"

"I didn't really think about it." She whispered. "I guess maybe I was just happy that it was enough. I didn't want to question your reasons."

"That's another thing about you." Mary rested her head back on the seat, leaving them close enough to whisper. She could pick up soft hints of cherry in her hair. "You're allowed to ask and question things. You're part of this show and this family and you have every right."

"Okay." She nodded, keeping her voice soft. "Can I ask you something then? And tell me if I'm crossing a line I just...its been bothering me."

Mary rolled her head to the side to glance at her and in the quick second that their eyes met she could tell Mary already knew her question.

"Yeah." Mary swallowed weakly and she could see the conflict she was fighting back. "You can ask me anything."

"Um..." She crinkled her eyebrows and tried to quickly untangle her thoughts to form words. "..my first morning on the train, when I met you guys in the kitchen, you told me Paige pulled you away from some guy..." Her throat felt tight and maybe this was really none of her business. Mary telling her she could ask questions was probably limited to the show and simple things but this was so personal...and difficult if it was true. Mary nodded for her to continue so she did. "Paige told me you were okay. I thought to ask Riley but it didn't feel right. I wanted to ask you." Mary nodded again and a soft sigh left her lips. "Did he hurt you? Did he..."

"No." Mary answered quickly and that helped her to breathe. Too soon she stopped breathing again. "Not him..." she added. "...someone else, a boyfriend when I was sixteen. It's why I was so upset about Cassie. I hate that Paige had to go through anything like that."

"How bad wa..."

"Bad..." Mary swallowed hard and shook her head trying to clear images from her memory.

Her eyes stung and she pulled them away from Mary to look back at Riley still sleeping with his messy hair and his head resting against his small window. She remembered the hurt in his eyes when he'd hinted of Mary being similar to Paige, about not making confessions of her own because she didn't want to hurt anyone. Riley must know. He'd looked broken beside Mary when she and Paige had been fighting because he also knew Mary's reasons for wanting to leave. He stood by her because he knows her, probably more than anyone.

"He knows." Mary whispered, bringing her eyes back. "Riley knows and I just told Paige too. I don't want you to feel sad about it and I don't want you to treat me differently. Its been ten years and I'm still not really okay but I'm working on it."

She watched Mary in silence for a few moments. A lot of pain came from knowing that her suspicions had been right and it made breathing hard. The air felt thick. Mary and Paige had gone through things that would tear most people apart completely but they were breathing...fighting through everyday with something in their memories that nobody should ever have. Whoever hurt Mary ten years ago was so lucky to still be breathing with Riley in her life beside her...and Paige...now herself. Cassie was lucky to be breathing too. They were both here now and that's all that mattered and she could spend every day helping them both to be okay again. Mary was here holding her hand, letting them rest together on Paige's shoulder as she slept and telling her that she was part of their family now and that meant support and protection and someone to trust and lean on. Just Mary saying those words out loud made her irreplaceable in her life because Mary didn't owe her anything...she didn't have to say anything but she chose to. She wouldn't hesitate to be there for Mary or any one of them if she was needed. They were hers and she belonged to them now too. After seven years of being alone she'd gained friends, a family so special in just a matter of days.

Her eyes moved down at their hands again and something made her smile while bringing a deep burn behind her eyes. It was in the placement of their hands together on Paige's shoulder. They were resting in a way she recognized from many movies. The way a loved one would give their approval. This felt special. Mary was holding her to Paige like she was telling her it was where she belonged, giving her a silent blessing and reassurance. She shifted her hand out from under Mary's and away from Paige just enough that Mary was making more contact with Paige too. Paige needed both of them and it was easy admitting to herself how much she already needed Mary. She smiled again.

"So...you wanted to thank me?" She whispered, brushing her thumb over her knuckle and Paige's arm.

Mary turned and smiled at her for changing the subject. "Yes." She nodded and leaned back into the seat more, letting their voices carry to each other's ears as just whispers again, words soft enough for only them. "I wanted to thank you for reminding me of a promise I made myself...and Paige's parents three years ago."

Her eyebrows crinkled as she rested her head over Mary's shoulder, trying to think of anything she'd done that would remind Mary of something like that, something so personal. The only thing she'd done wa...

"The note?" She asked.

Mary nodded. "Yes the note. I haven't told Paige this. I don't know if I should or if I even need to..."

"I didn't tell Paige what I wrote you." She interjected. "She asked but I didn't think there was anything wrong with keeping it between us. I told her that."

"You can tell her. I mean if you're worried she'll be upset about it or...you don't have to keep that from her. She wouldn't be upset but I know she'd be happy to be the contact for you if you want her to."

"I don't." She shook her head. "I mean one day I hope she can be too but not now. I want to focus on her without feeling like I'm pressuring her or asking too much. They'd probably do that pestering parents thing and I don't want her to be uncomfortable." She chuckled. "I'd rather she met them first. Not that I'm even thinking that far ahead...because I'm not."

Mary turned and eyed her skeptically with an amused smile on her lips that made her cheeks flush. "If you say so." She teased. "Since you chose to keep it between us I'm going to keep this vague because I don't want you to feel like you have to keep anything else from her..."

Mary looked at her pressingly and she nodded. "Yeah of course."

"I promised myself and her parents that Id be here for her and I've kinda failed at that throughout the years. I've been here but...I also haven't. You asking me to stay and giving me that note is the reason I'm still here now." She nodded again when Mary looked back at her with warm blue eyes. "They left me a card like that three years ago and you reminded me that I need to try harder. I know I do. I'm gonna be here for her...but I'm here for you too because you make her happy. Don't forget that."

She swallowed hard and looked down at Paige still sleeping, at both her and Mary clinging to her like she was everything. She is everything. "Thank you." She whispered. "For accepting me into her life and yours."

"Well..." Mary smiled and squeezed her hand reassuringly. "...right upfront you told me that you aren't going to hurt her. Cassie never thought or cared enough to say that to anyone let alone me. Speaking of the witch..." she looked at her proudly. "You knocked her on her ass. Very good."

She chuckled and her cheeks warmed even more. "I'd like to do more damage but..."

"Paige held you back." Mary sighed, shaking her head lightly. "Yes the dear girl is morally sound. I personally think Cassie could benefit from a few rounds of fighting since she insists on acting the part."

"I'd pay to see it."

"Front row seats." Mary smiled and quieted her voice more. "Don't get me wrong. I hate her with a passion but its sad too, people like her. She's always been selfish and spoiled but...the situation she's in...I feel like that could have easily been my life."

"What do you mean?"

"I've never hurt anybody the way she does, that's not the kind of person I am. Paige found me working at a bar and I started there when I was sixteen. I could have easily ended up in a really bad place if she hadn't come along. We're all just one or two mistakes from throwing our lives away."

She knew what was being said and those words hit close to home because she'd been so lost in Rosewood. If Paige hadn't been there there's no telling where she'd be now...or years from now. "I know what you mean." She agreed.

"I don't like Cassie. I really don't but I don't want her to fail. It's wrong to want someone to fail." Mary insisted as conflict grew heavier in her eyes. "She had chances and she messed up. I just had so much shit tossed at me. I switched schools twice a year or more sometimes and still managed to keep strong grades. Families dropped me left and right and then when I thought I'd found my place...Cole happened and turned my world upside down. I went back into the system and got the job at the bar while finishing school just to save money so that I wouldn't have to rely on anyone else." Mary eyes stared distantly at the lines in the dark road as she took a breath. "I know I didn't do anything to deserve the bad stuff that happened to me but it did. It happened and I can't change it. But Cassie..."she sighed and shook her head disapprovingly. "She's wasting her life. At sixteen I'd already been through so much more than she ever has and I survived. I'm still trying to be okay so to see her making all of these bad choices just...it makes me sad and angry because she has no idea how good she could have it or how much worse it could be. Its her choice. I think one of us kicking her ass may have been a nice wake up call though."

She smiled when Mary laughed quietly but Cassie had made her choices. Hearing Mary speak of her made it even more sickening that Cassie was so vicious in causing problems. At the gas station Mary had aimed to walk past and Cassie couldn't seem to keep herself from trying to tear Mary apart. Cassie had failed to see how good she'd had it. Maybe she was bitter for that reason. Cassie took advantage and took people for granted. It was up to her to change if she even wanted to. That was the moment she gained even more respect for Mary. She'd been through more than Cassie probably ever had. If anyone was a shining example of resilience it was her. Cassie could have learned so much from Mary. Maybe she could too.

"I'm here for you too." She whispered, tightening her grip on Mary's hand and being careful not to press the bruises. They already looked better today. "It goes both ways."

"Can I ask you something then?" Mary smiled. "I'm actually happy I have the chance because I've wondered..."

She smiled because Mary almost squealed through her words and somehow still managed to keep it a whisper. "You can ask me anything." She copied Mary's words.

"Okay so I noticed you joined us in Rosewood and I also know that Paige and her family used to live in Rosewood..." Mary looked at her with suggestive eyes and arched an eyebrow. "Are you really gonna make me ask?" She smiled, biting at her lower lip.

A soft chuckle left her lips as she ducked her down briefly before bringing her eyes back to look at Mary. "We went to high school together up until she moved but I didn't know her."

"So no teenage angst and sneaking into each other's windows or out to the woods at night just to be together?"

She half smiled as she shook her head. All of those things sound amazing. The idea of knowing Paige back then and wondering how they would have been. It may have been amazing or it could have been a curse. She didn't feel like the same person she had been back then. Paige probably wasn't either. Maybe they would have grown and changed together, with the other always there to understand and lean on. Maybe they wouldn't have. There was no way of knowing.

"No, I recognized her on the circus flyer outside the bar but I didn't know who she was...it was just something about her. I wanted to know her."

"Ah yes, the posters. She's the circus beacon meant to call all crazies and screaming children." Mary smiled and pulled her hand away, bringing it to softly comb through Paige's hair again, shallow and even breathes still leaving her lungs. "Big brown eyes and the charming smile."

"I'm gonna be honest I'm jealous of all the time you guys have had with her."

"And I've already told you, Ems." Mary teased. "We can't keep the kind of company this girl needs." Her cheeks warmed but Mary distracted her thoughts, keeping them from running away when she quickly let out a soft anxious groan. "I really wish she'd let us mess with her performance attire though."

"I'm very intrigued by whatever it is that you guys want to do but I'm also very partial to the velvet jacket and the boots."

"Okay keep the boots but...imagine a red velvet version of what I wear in the show." Mary watched her as her smile widened and her cheeks flushed even more.

"Mmm...okay maybe you should keep pushing the issue with her.

"I don't think she'll ever cave so that leaves us the next best thing which...might actually be better."

She eyed Mary carefully. "Me?"

"Of course you, Lovely." Mary smiled and brought her fingertips to her lips to kiss in salute. "Magnifique."

She laughed quietly and moved her eyes to watch Paige, catching a yawn from Mary out of the corner of her eye. "Where are we?"

"Wyoming." She whispered. "Close to Casper."

"You're tired." She noted. Of course Mary was tired. "You've been driving for almost ten hours. Do you want me to drive for a while?"

Mary shook her head firmly and signaled for an exit on the highway. "No I've got a better idea."

She straightened herself up and looked out the window as Mary turned into a parking lot beside a diner and small motel and let the engine die. The lack of vibrations through the car felt weird and left her skin almost fluttering restlessly. Riley didn't move and Paige only nestled into the seat instead when Mary opened the door and carefully climbed out. She moved to follow, when the seat was held up for her, nearly falling from using her legs after sitting for so long. The sky was still black but there were so many stars that allowed just enough light to see the silhouette of a plateau in the distance. She leaned against the car and Mary brought her arms high over her head, bringing her shirt up off her hips as she stretched and looked around too.

"Wyoming sucks. I already hate it. Lets leave as soon as possible." Mary looked over at her before dropping her arms to tug her purple shirt back down over her stomach and moved closer with a warm smile. "Come here." She breathed, pulling her into a hug.

She wrapped her arms around her automatically and smiled too. Mary had a strong presence around everyone on a daily basis. All of her snark and witty banter with Paige and the teasing with Peter, her subtle intensity with Riley. This was different. This was caring and nurturing and only added to her many layers. She'd noticed this difference in her during the dress fitting. She noticed how much there was to her and she could turn around so quickly and surprise everyone. This felt more honest than Mary was around everyone else, more true to who she was.

"Are you and Paige okay?" She spoke softly against her shoulder.

"Eh...we have our moments." Mary sighed, pulling away and smiling as she tucked her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. "Don't forget what I told you about your boots and kicking her ass every now and then. Between the two of us we should be able to keep her in check."

"Sounds good." She smiled. "Just don't give me any special treatment. If I need it...keep me in check also."

"Ems, I give no one special treatment and don't hesitate to return the favor." With a duck of her head Mary moved to the car window and raised her hand to hover over the glass. She froze there and turned to look at her again with soft blue eyes. "Just...promise you'll take care of her and I'll do everything I can to make sure she takes care of you too."

A blush moved across her cheeks. "Promise."

Mary smiled approvingly and then instantly her eyes hardened as she turned back to the window beside Riley's head and brought her hand down on the glass. "Wake up, Princess!" She slapped her hand and startled him awake along with Paige jumping up in the front seat. "Rise and shine and welcome to Wyoming. How the hell did we get to Wyoming you might ask? Magic? Noooooo...*I* drove for ten hours. You're welcome! Now I'm fucking hungry!"

Mary turned on her heels and smiled at her sweetly before she set off towards the diner. She could help but laugh when Paige and Riley climbed dazed out of the car.

"Nice wake up call!" Paige shouted. "I see you're taking after Peter!" Mary didn't turn or falter in her steps. Instead her response was throwing her middle finger up over her shoulder for Paige. "She's not supposed to be a morning person." Paige huffed and glared at Riley. "Fix her please. She's broken so do your damn job."

"If we're getting a hotel room I can spend hours fixing her." Riley smiled suggestively and then sighed defeat when Paige failed to look amused. "It's not technically *her* morning if she hasn't slept." He shrugged. "I'm just saying... she could use some sleep."

"You heard Mary." She stated. "She's hungry and I am too hungry."

"Marley." Paige corrected proudly.

"R...really?" Riley coughed, his eyes wide and hopeful. Her smile widened when Paige nodded and Riley quickly pulled himself together by straightening his tshirt with an excited smile before he trotted off after her. "Maaaaarleeeeyyy!" He sang, catching her half way to the door and wrapping his arms around her stomach as he scooped her up into a hug. She returned the favor and punched him while pushing him away from her which had his laughter echoing through the dark parking lot.

"Marley?" She smiled.

"Hopefully." Paige sighed and cringe at seeing Riley getting hit again. "Maybe use it at your own risk."

Her smile spread because Paige looked so happy now. She had no idea what Paige and Marley had talked about while she and Riley had slept but whatever it was...made a world of difference. Her brown eyes were peaceful and the smile that had been absent for most of the day before was back again...it was so much brighter. She could stare at her forever but as she tried to start that process...Paige noticed.

"What?" Paige smiled, a new wave of pink covering her cheeks at being under her scrutiny.

"Nothing...just...pull yourself together." She teased. "Don't let Marley see you all soft and smiling because I know for a fact that she still fully intends on keeping you on your toes."

Paige arched her eyebrows and cocked her head in that playful and challenging way as she stepped closer. "I'd expect nothing less from her but...does me being soft and smiley bother you?" There was slight crinkle of genuine concern between Paige's eyebrows but it didn't belong there. It didn't need to be there.

"Not all." She shook her head firmly and brought her arms up around Paige's neck. "And if it does get annoying and you and I don't work out I always have Riley as an option, remember?" Paige gripped her fingers hard into her sides to tickle her while still holding her close and denying her an escape. "No no please..."

"Well since you said please." Paige smiled and clutched at her hips to pull her closer.

Twenty-four hours was too long to wait to hold her like this. It seemed like weeks ago that they were standing on the platform saying goodbye to the gold fields and looking forward to spending all day and night hulled up together and now just seeing her smiling again had her stomach twisted into knots.

"Did you sleep okay?" She whispered.

Paige nodded halfheartedly and shrugged. "Yeah kind of."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah just...bad dreams..." Paige sighed with a weak smile. "My parents..."

"Oh..." Her throat felt tight suddenly. It was no doubt a difficult thing for Paige and she couldn't image living through something like that let alone having to relive it through dreams and images that never go away. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No...it's not that." Paige shook her head lightly. "Its just...I've told you and shown you that Marley and Riley...Peter...they've been my family but I've never actually told you how or when that happened. Yes I've spent years with them but it's not just that. It's not just that they've been the only random people I've had. They were there when I woke up in the hospital. Marley never left my side. Its been just the four of us and that's why I needed to make it right with them."

She forced herself to nod but she wasn't sure if her head moved at all as she listened to Paige. She didn't have to be told that she'd missed years with Paige. She already knew that and it was probably the most painful feeling knowing that she couldn't do anything to change that. Paige was just reaffirming what she already knew and the one thing that hurt the most since she'd joined them but she understood the loyalty. She felt it too.

She nodded. "I understand that. They were there for you."

Paige's eyes looked broken suddenly as she looked at her. "Em..." she shook her head and moved her hand to touch her arm. "I know what you're thinking. You're wrong. Its always been you. I didn't even realize it until now. I didn't make the connection but...you've always been here too. This..." Paige grabbed her necklace from under her shirt and singled out the "E". "This is the first charm I had. I never took it off. You were with me the night of the car accident. You were there. I was wearing this and I thought of you. All of the other charms...the clock...Marley's and Riley's ..all of them...they came after you."

The smile that spread across her lips was automatic and felt like the freshest breath of oxygen through her body. She knew she was sad about missing time with Paige and about not being able to be there for her through all of the hard things she'd been through. It was probably the thing that hurt her the most, knowing that she couldn't ever compete with the people who had been there but she'd never really voiced that feeling to Paige. Hearing Paige say that she'd been there without realizing it felt like the truth, unprompted and honest. Paige had thought of her in a time when she had lost so much.

"I love you." Paige whispered

She smiled, letting her eyes close now. She could feel it. The same way she had with just Paige touching her hand in the car. She felt the truth behind her words. Hot breath appeared across her cheek and froze the movement of her lungs. She loved the chivalrous Paige that now pressed a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth, asking gently for permission to move closer. Her eyes stayed closed and she felt her way up the bare skin of Paige's arms and pulled her closer until she felt the car against her back. She dragged them across her skin and felt the goosebumps rise and then they ran into the soft auburn waves over Paige's shoulders and moved the grip at her neck.

"I love you too."

She didn't have open her eyes to see the smile on Paige's face at hearing her words. She could hear it in a sigh that left her lips as she melted into her mouth. Her hands began shaking against Paige's neck the second she tasted her but as she licked lightly across Paige's bottom lip...she pulled away hungrily.

"Would they be really made if we claimed the backseat right now?" She whispered, rolling her tongue over Paige's bottom lip before biting softly and making her moan.

"Maybe but do we really care if they're mad?" Paige nipped at across her lips and brought a hand up to grip into her hip and press her harder into the car.

"I care but..." her eyes squeezed shut tighter when Paige's lips moved to her throat and she couldn't concentrate. She groaned lightly. " no...no I do care." She repeated, feeling Paige smile against her neck as she struggled to think. "I don't want them to be mad at me. I feel like we're all at a good place."

"Maybe but they'll forgive you..." Paige moved back to her mouth and deepened the kiss and pressed her thigh up between her legs making her head spin more. "I'm really willing to take one for the team on this one. They can be mad at me. Then again they're our only ride so it might be a bad idea."

Her hands moved up under Paige's red tank top and dragged slowly up her sides. She felt her shiver in response and the only thing she could think of was wanting a stronger response...wanting more. Paige pressed between her legs harder and her throat felt dry now, her tongue seeking out every curve of Paige's tongue just to gather moisture. Paige brought her hand up above her shoulder to brace against the car, leaving her pinned and Paige breathing hard against her body. Her fingers found their way quickly and grazed over Paige's bra before slipping under and rolling her thumb over her nipple, teasing it as it instantly hardened for her.

"Fuck..." Paige groaned and moved her hand quickly to the handle of the car door to open it and her eyes widened. "Its locked." She pulled again and immediately broke away from her to walk around to the other side and pulled hard on that handle too. "Fuck seriously?" Paige snapped, pulling again to no avail. "DAMNIT." She slapped her hand hard into the glass.

"Great now I really feel bad." She sighed and shook her head. "I was willing to toss all respect for Marley and Riley and their property out the window and compromise their car..."

Paige groaned in frustration. "Who the fuck locks their car in..."

"A dark parking lot beside the highway in a new city and state?" She chuckled and received Paige's embarrassed eyes. She knew she was right. "Paige.." she soothed, walking around to take her hand.

"How do you feel about dark romantic parking lots?" Paige teased.

"Good." She nodded surely. "Very good because I have Hanna's stun gun in my purse and I can always use it on anyone that sneaks up on us in said dark romantic parking lot."

"Even the police when we get arrested for public indecency?" Paige grinned, making her laugh and both of them accept defeat. She wrapped her arm around her waist and started the walk to the small diner. "Well we tried at least."

It was easy to find Marley and Riley in the diner seeing as there were only two other patrons inside and both of which were sitting in stools at the counter. Her eyes moved to a booth beside the front window and landed on Marley smacking him with a menu. They were so dysfunctionally cute that she felt guilty. As they approached they were met with knowing blue eyes and an amused smile as Marley dropped the menu back to the table. Riley was already sliding glasses of orange juice across the table as they slid into the booth across from them. This polite gesture from him made her feel even worse.

"Took you long enough." Marley smiled, bringing a mug of hot tea to her lips with both hands as she rested on her elbows. "Any particular reason?" She took a slow tentative drink and her eyes twinkled as she fought a smile. God she felt bad now. Oh the betrayal. Maybe a bit dramatic but she liked Marley and Riley and didn't want to lose their respect the second she'd earned it by being blatantly disrespectful.

Paige rolled her eyes. "We were just talking."

"No we weren't." She shook her head firmly and brought Marley's amused and surprised eyes to her instead. She couldnt add lying to the list. "No... nope we were gonna have sex in the car but the doors are locked. I'm sorry."

Riley choked on a drink of juice he was taking and Marley's had moved to slap his back without looking at him. Instead she looked at Paige and scrunched up her nose with a proud smile.

"Nice Paige." She sighed. "You give me your jabs about having sex in a car that happens to belong to the person I'm having sex with but _you_ have no problem having sex in a car that isn't yours."

"I'm sorry." she repeated and was met with a warm smile from Marley while Paige chuckled.

"I forgive you, Ems." Marley reached into her pocket and pulled out the keys, dangling them from her finger. "Did you forget there's a hotel next door?" Her eyebrows arched. "Go ahead. Take the keys and go defile Riley's pride and joy. You've only been friends for ten years. It's cool." She shrugged. "We don't want to be the equivalent of a cock-blocker."

Marley's voice was laden with sarcasm and while Riley continued to cough...Paige only laughed and hung her head low as her cheeks flushed. She gave up quickly, having proven her point and tucked the keys back into her pocket with playfully scolding eyes.

"I'm really sorry." She insisted.

Marley laughed lightly and winked. "You're fine. Paige on the other hand should learn some honesty from you."

"Consider this a last attempt." Paige sighed in defeat and reached for her juice. "Riley, I'll ask permission next time I want to have sex in your car."

Riley coughed again. "Food!" He stated, deterring the topic as an attempt to spare himself from having to listen. "Foods done."

A clatter of dishes brought their eyes to a young waitress struggling with plates at the counter. Marley was immediately out of her seat and walking over to help her, saving a small bowl of fresh fruit from being dropped and stacking a few plates of pancakes and bacon up the length of her arm without missing a beat.

They watched her as she carried them over, with the waitress trailing awkwardly behind, and slid them across the table in front of them before plopping down into her seat again and reaching for syrup. Their eyes were on her and she sensed it quickly, freezing with a fork in her hand like she was wielding a weapon that she fully intended on using.

"What?" She asked with a shrug, not enjoying their scrutiny. "I told you I was a waitress."

"Ten years ago?" Paige eyed her skeptically.

"It's like riding a bike or..." Marley's eyes sharpened more. "It's like sex, Paige. You don't just forget how to do it." She stabbed a purple grape out a bowl and popped it into her mouth.

Riley's cheeks turned pink as he smiled and ducked his head down to his plate and Paige and cleared her throat and focused on what was in front of her. Needless to say everyone ate quietly for the most part...all of five minutes. Paige was happy with a glass of orange juice and not much else and Marley looked like she clinging to desperately to her mug of hot black tea and trying to stay awake.

"So..." Riley started. "On a scale from one to ten how hard of a time is Peter gonna get over this whole thing? I feel like its my manly duty to warn him in advance."

"Twenty." "Eleven." Paige and Marley spoke in unison and it was surprising that Paige said the higher number...What with Marley having already threatened his manhood.

"Wow Paige, holding a grudge?" Riley laughed.

"Yes." She replied surely. "I'll deal with him and why isn't your number higher?" She pointed at Marley. "What happened to kicking him in the nuts?"

"I figured _ten_ would be me kicking him in the nuts so I opted for eleven to be really thorough. But actually...I think if I kick him he might be a little leery of me getting near him again and I'm really not willing to give up our relationship antics." Marley shrugged and brought her mug to her lips to blow on it. "I love him too much. Besides...'twenty', Paige? What all does that entail? Castration?"

"No _that's_ eleven actually." Paige smiled proudly and made Marley shake her head lightly as she drank her tea.

"Oooohh." Marley's smile widened. "You should try to call him."

Paige grinned knowingly and reached into her pocket for her phone when Marley nodded and winked over her cup. "I really hope they're in a place with service right now."

"For the most part we always have service." Riley shrugged. "I get online with my gaming systems all the time. I've never had problems with it."

Paige's smile grew as she punched one number on the speed dial and brought the phone to her ear, her foot tapping anxiously against the floor. "Peter." She beamed, making her voice more firm and scolding. "Yeah just wanted to let you know that Marley and Riley weren't at his parent's house. Apparently they're headed to the cabin in Oregon so Emily and I are heading out there to find them." She took a breath to listen as Peter spoke, her eyebrows crinkling as she grew more upset. "No, there's no way we'll be back for the next stop at all. It's too late to cancel this one. You're gonna have to take over for me." Mary shook her head with a smile but Riley looked at Paige disapprovingly. He clearly felt bad. "You're gonna have to deal with it. Have the girls practice for a longer time slots and you know how to work with Stella. Theres plenty of dresses to chose from so I'm sure there's something in your size." Marley snorted on her tea and Riley still looked pained but Paige was biting back a smile. "Well I didn't do this, Peter. It all could have been avoided if you'd just told me sooner so man up and fix it. Dont let me down. Hopefully we'll be back in a month or two." Paige clicked the phone off and laughed as she tucked it back in her pocket. "And right now Peter is running through the train screaming in panic."

"That's really mean, Paige." Riley sighed, shaking his head helplessly.

Marley smiled. "Yeah a little bit. Fuck Paige, what's my punishment?"

"Watching Peter suffer." Paige grinned proudly.

"Well that's no good." Marley frowned. "I don't want you stepping on my toes while I'm making him suffer. Stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours. Also...don't touch his nuts. I need them."

"Deal." Paige agreed quickly.

Riley shifted uncomfortably next to Marley "Ummm..." he cleared his throat. "So.. my nuts are off the table on this one right?" Marley choked on a laugh and placed her mug down before she dropped it all together.

"Fuck I hope so." Paige groaned.

Marley smiled. "They better be."

"Well actually...you took off and didn't say anything to me either." Paige frowned, leaning on her elbows. "Marley didn't have a working contract but you did."

"I talked with Peter and signed my slot to Emily." He argued defensively.

Just looking at Riley's face she could see that he felt bad about it all but his loyalties were to Marley. He'd told her before the improv that his heart was with Marley and wherever she was, he'd stay with her. Paige had the right to be upset but it wouldn't have changed Riley's decision either way. Luckily Marley's decision had been changed and she felt good that she'd played a part in that. It's over and done with though so why is this topic still ongoing?

"You should have talked to me." Paige scolded.

"If you don't trust Peter to handle paperwork then don't let him do it." He shrugged. "You let him do it because you need the help. You can't be selective on how he does the exact job you and your parents taught him just because its personal to you. There's no favoritism and we followed the books. Your family's books." Riley pointed out. "I'm not just fighting for the rights of his nuts...I'm fighting for the rights of mine and every man after me." He jabbed his finger into the table top to drive home his point...quiet dramatically.

"Oh my God, kill me now." Marley whined and dropped her head down hard into the table, leaving it there while her brown waves curtained around her.

Paige was smiling now and all she suddenly wanted was to slam her head into the table top too. Marley had the right notion. There was only so much 'talking in circles' that a person could take before slamming their skulls into hard objects began to sound like the better prospect. Her eyes were left darting between them so fast it was nauseating and Marley made no attempt to lift her head from the table. There was a very good chance that she was asleep.

"Its called common courtesy, Riley." Paige argued. "We've been friends for over ten years. You could have told me."

"I know you!" He stressed. "I knew you'd show up. I didn't expect that you'd let the train leave you behind but I knew you'd show up."

"That was a huge gamble to make." Paige scoffed. "What if I hadn't showed up?"

"Was it a gamble? Cuz...oh wait...thats right...you did show up. Look who I'm dating, Paige!" Riley pointed to Marley still unmoving against the table. "I'd rather face your wrath than hers because she takes really good care of my nuts...most of the time. I'm a guy but I'm not stupid. I'm not going to be stuck between you two."

"No, you are kind of stupid actually." Paige disagreed.

'This is kind of stupid' she thought, picking at a piece of fruit on her plate.

Marley's head shot up suddenly with wide eyes and a smile directed right at her. She crinkled her eyebrows under her gaze but quickly noted the silence of Paige and Riley staring at her too. Shit. She hadn't thought that...she'd actually said it.

"You okay, Ems?" Marley smiled proudly, coaxing her.

"Fine." She shot, tossing a grape back to her plate and keeping her eyes away from everyone. "I think everyone is allowed to have their reasons for their choices. Paige, you told me that my contract doesn't hold me to anything so why should Riley's be any different? Riley, you maybe should have said something but I feel your pain about being in the middle here because I'm even more on the sidelines than you are. Be mad at me if you want because technically Riley told me before the improv that he'd stay if Marley did so I guess, in a way, I knew about it before hand. I think everyone knows what went wrong and what needs to change so can we safely stop arguing about the same shit. And for fuck's sake give Peter a break...for once."

"Check please." Marley chimed, flicking her hand up into the air to signal the waitress.

There were long moments of silence that followed where she just felt everyone's eyes on her but she didn't care. She loved them all but arguing about something that was over and done with wasnt doing anyone any good at all. It was just salt in still healing wounds and if it was painful to watch for her than it had to be painful for them. It was just a matter of how long they wanted to stay bitter about it and pretend it didn't hurt. It wasn't even about her directly and it hurt. She chanced bringing her eyes up from her plate to see Marley smiling into her tea and Riley nodded approvingly as he picked at a piece of bacon. Paige was the last person her eyes landed on and she sighed when she felt Paige's hand on her thigh under the table, reassuring and soft. She looked at her, her peaceful smile and warm eyes. Apparently speaking her mind was a good thing when the circus people couldn't stop bickering long enough to actually get over what they're bickering about. And poor Peter.

The table shook as Marley jumped in her seat, sloshing tea from her mug with startled eyes that landed on Riley beside her...a sly smile on his face. She was confused for all of two seconds until she realized his hands were under the table and out of sight and Marley's cheeks were a brighter pink now as she punched him in the shoulder. He made her jump again.

"Okay." Marley announced, reaching to pull cash from her back pocket and tossing a hundred dollar bill on the table. "Time to go...lets go...lets just...go...now. Please."

Toooo where?" Riley perked up in his seat, feeling like a winner, and moved to scoot out of the booth behind her with hopeful eyes.

"Toooo the car." Marley replied quickly.

Riley's shoulders slumped. "Okay but that hotel is right there if you need to sleep...or...anything."

"Oh I plan on sleeping." Marley agreed. "Is it hot in here?" She frowned, flustered in her movements as she bunched up the sleeves on her purple shirt and gave them a restless look. In the time that she'd been around them all she'd never once seen Marley become anxious or blushy the way she was now. "Are you two staying here?"

"A hundred dollars?" Paige challenged. "That's probably thirty dollars worth of food. "

"Hey!" Marley's finger shot out to point at Paige firmly. "Waiting tables is fucking hard and underpaid. I'm sharing your wealth since you wont let me buy a horse."

"Right, I guess we're going now." Paige nodded and they quickly scooted out of the booth too, Paige's arm wrapping automatically around her waist as they pushed through the doors.

It was still dark outside but the stars were slowly beginning to fade with the lightning of the blue around the horizon. The plateau was more visible now looking like a black tabletop for a giant. Paige watched her feet as they walked across the dark gravel and doing that made her long hair curtain her face and had her bringing a hand up to tuck it behind her ears on one side. She felt breathless every time she looked at her but now...the small crinkle between her eyebrows as she concentrated on careful steps and slight part of her lips letting the lightest breath through. Paige must of felt her gaze because she looked over at her and smiled with a spreading warmth across her cheeks. Marley and Riley were walking ahead of them and she pushed him away every time he tried touch her only to pull him closer by his t-shirt every time he tried to give up and _not_ touch her. Her terms. It would be wrong except that the grin on Riley's face said he was loving it completely and quickly his strength won out and he locked his arms around her waist and let her squirm against him. Paige shook her head beside her.

"What?" She pressed. "I'm right aren't I? About her feeling the same way?"

"Yes I think you're right." Paige admitted. "But that doesn't make them any less dysfunctional."

"Then I hope we're as dysfunctional as they are one day."

"Later rather than sooner right? I'm just wondering so I know that as long as were not dysfunctional then I know we still have a long way to go."

She smiled at that logic but figured it was fine to let Paige think they would be able to keep dysfunction from taking them over. They live with a traveling circus after all. The odds werent in their favor but luckily everyone here was happy with the amounts of crazy.

"Doors are unlocked now, Ladies." Marley smiled beside the car door and held the passenger side open like a chauffeur. "Have at it. Just go to town and really tear that pu.."

"Earmuffs!" Riley laughed, shaking his head.

"I'm really sorry." She repeated.

"Please." Mar rolled her eyes dismissively. "I'm just giving Paige a hard time, calling her out on the blatant 'we were just talking' lie."

"How about the blatant 'these are just keys to Mrs.B's car when they're actually keys to the cabin?"

"Oh my God." She groaned, again with them bringing up old issues.

"Yeeees you're right, Emily." Paige smiled and set her sights on Marley. "Come on, Mar. Hug time."

Marley's expression shifted at the turn of events and now she was mentally kicking herself for giving Paige a hard time, watching her warily as her arms extended to form a barrier between them. "Dont." She warned.

"Oh it's happening." Paige stepped closer. "Hug me, Marley."

"I don't want to."

Paige smiled. "Baby, don't fight it."

"Ok seriously, Paige." Marley warned again and back-stepped away from her. She liked physical contact on her terms and Paige was proudly stepping over her barriers.

Paige sighed and moved closer. "You're making this harder than it needs to be."

Marley groaned as Paige's arms closed around her and rocked her into a hug. She tried to push Paige away but her fight was weak and she quickly opted to just stand there motionless like a rag doll in a toddler's arms and hope it ended soon. Like standing in quicksand struggle only resulted in Paige holding her closer.

"No noodle arms." Paige tisked. "Hug me back."

Riley chuckled as Marley sighed and brought her arms up to return the embrace. Paige squeezed her tighter and forced another groan from Marley's mouth before releasing her and turning away proudly. The twinkle that formed instantly in the blue of Marley's eyes had her looking at Paige in concern. It was a scheming kind of brightness. There wasnt time to stop it. Marley moved gracefully and the cracking sound of her hand making contact with Paige's ass echoed through the empty parking lot and nearly buckled Paige's knees from under her.

"Fuck!" Her eyes slammed shut while reaching to clutch at her right cheek. She was very fond that hand placement. Another reason to thank Marley.

Marley smiled proudly at her again. "Welcome to the family, Ems." She winked

Paige ducked her head with a smile and moved around sheepishly to the driver's side where Riley was standing, his face just as amused as everyone's but quickly he blocked the door with his arm and stopped her from climbing in the backseat. His chest was puffed and he stood strong in her path. Paige froze and looked at him curiously but at the same time it was like she'd expected this, some silent exchange passing between their eyes. Marley looked confused and it seemed to take a lot to surprise her with anything. Props to Riley for whatever this was about. Marley wasnt in on it.

"Just so you know..." He smiled lightly before he became serious in the next second. "I'm the better kisser. I know you and I go back ten years but please don't kiss my girlfriend again."

Paige nodded automatically. "Yeah, I probably deserve that."

"Yeah you kinda do." He smiled in agreement.

Marley leaned against the car and rested on her arms on the roof. "Well Riley, you could always just kiss her girlfriend and even the playing fields here." She winked. "Well...that wouldnt really be even though because then Emily would be kissing my boyfriend and then the only thing left would be for her to kiss me and then Paige you'd have to kiss him..." she sighed and shook her head as she debated with herself, all of them left standing and watching speechless. "And well...it just might never end and quite frankly I'm too damn tired right now to satisfy three people so...Paigey and Ems...take the backseat."

"So...no to the kissing then?" Riley mumbled, dragging his hand awkwardly to mess his hair.

Marley smiled and scrunched up her nose at him playfully. "Drive and I'll make it up to you."

Riley turned and ushered Paige quickly into the backseat now. She slid in beside Paige and Marley flipped the seat back, closing them into a the tight cozy space while they took the front, Riley now behind the wheel.

"Seven hours and we should be there. Five since I'm driving." He joked, earning a shove in the dark from Marley beside him. "Make them count and sleep before its back to work."

He turned the key and the engine roared to life, once again casting a red and blue glow over darkness in the car. Almost instantly they made her eyes feel heavier as they worked to adjust to the dim lighting. Marley reached and flipped the rearview mirror up and away from them, leaving it to point at the ceiling instead and making it useless. She leaned into him and planted small kisses against his neck that had him slamming the shifter forwards and peeling out towards the highway again. Paige's arms closed around her and pulled her back against her chest, holding her close and bringing with her the scent of musk and orange. Her eyes relaxed more.

"Hand check." Paige laughed, bringing her attention to the front seat. She easily zeroed in on Marley biting at Riley's ear as his hand became lost in her hair, encouraging her.

"Seriously, Paige?" Marley turned to them. "Coming from the girl that was about to go all 'covert sex fantasy' on Riley's car? 'Hand check' me all you want because the best don't need to use their hands." She bunched up the violet blanket that Paige had been wrapped in earlier and tossed it over the seat at them. "Just please keep yourselves covered. I'm going to sleep now because I drove for ten hours so be quiet back there."

Marley turned around and left them staring at her blankly, slightly stunned, while she planted a chaste kiss on Riley's lips and sunk lower into the seat, resting her head on his thigh and disappearing from their line of sight. Paige shifted lower too and wrapped the blanket around them as she held her close, planting a soft kiss against her forehead.

"Tired?" She whispered.

Paige nodded and yawned against the top of her head and the warmth of holding her made her body relax. Mixing with the soft blanket and the cool air circulating it was perfect, dark with only the sound of the engine and her breathing. They turned more shallow with each passing minute but the sound of Riley's fist crashing into the steering wheel made them both jump and look at him questioningly. He didn't speak, instead he flipped the air controls a little higher and...hit the steering wheel again. It was softer this time but Paige shook her head.

"You're gonna wake Marley up if you're not careful." Paige warned.

"Yep cuz she's sleeping." Riley nodded.

"Yeah...clearly." Paige agreed.

"She's sleeping." Riley mumbled "Ten hours of driving will make you sleepy. Holy fuck..."

Riley sunk a little lower in his seat and eyebrows furrowed as he bit his lower lip and gripped harder into steering wheel. He didn't seem to be paying attention to them at all, his focus solely on driving and he sounded more like he was talking to himself. One hand fell away and dropped into his lap, into Marley's hair while she slept...oh. It made sense all at once with tension in his shoulders. She wasn't sleeping.

Paige's eyebrows crinkled curiously as she studied him and moved to lean up over the seat. "Riley, whats your probl..."

She moved her hand to quickly cover Paige's mouth and pulled her back, stopping Paige's advancing eyes and breathing a 'shhh' with a sly smile. Paige's eyes widened when it clicked and she looked at Riley, scolding him but his attention wasnt on them. Paige's eyes moved back to her. They always softened when they were on her. She moved closer and pressed a kiss to Paige's lips, shifting their bodies to lay down across the backseat and spreading the blanket on top of them. She snuggled under Paige's chin and planted another small kiss on her collarbone, breaking away to bring her eyes up to look at her.

"I need you to be really quiet." She breathed.

Paige swallowed hard but she nodded and brought her tongue out to lick the dryness from her lips.

She lowered her hand beneath the blanket and this time didn't jump when they heard Riley hit the steering wheel again followed by the radio being flipped on to a higher volume. That was a blessing in case Paige wasn't able to be completely quiet. A quick flick of her wrist and she released Paige's jeans and inched lower. A soft whimper left Paige's lips before she'd even touched the creased of her thigh. The radio would definitely be a blessing.

* * *

**Long December- Counting Crows (I do not own these lyrics)**

A long December and there's reason to believe  
Maybe this year will be better than the last  
I can't remember the last thing that she says  
"You were leaving, oh the days go by so fast"

And it's one more day up in The Canyons  
And it's one more night in Hollywood  
If you think that I could be forgiven  
I wish you would  
Na na na  
Yeah

The smell of hospitals in winter  
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls  
All at once you look across a crowded room  
To see the way that light attaches to a girl

And it's one more day up in The Canyons  
And it's one more night in Hollywood  
If you think you might come to California  
I think you should  
Na na na  
Yeah

Drove up to hillside manor sometime after 2 a.m.  
And talked a little while about the year  
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower  
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her

And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe  
Maybe this year will be better than the last  
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself  
To hold on to these moments as they pass

And it's one more day up in The Canyons  
And it's one more night in Hollywood  
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean  
I guess I should  
Na na na  
Yeah

* * *

**The Sun Will Rise- Kelly Clarkson w/ Kara DioGuardi (Emily & Marley) {I do not own these lyrics}**

I can see the wait there in your eyes  
I can feel the thought in your sigh  
Your knuckles are bruised from a losing flight  
One way down a dead end street  
Broken glass underneath your feet  
You think the day won't break the sunless night

The sun will rise  
The sun will rise  
When you've lost your lights  
The sun will rise  
It'll be alright  
It'll be alright

I've been in stuck in a storm before  
Felt the wind raging at my door  
Couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't find a way out  
Somehow my clouds disappeared  
Somehow I made it here  
Maybe just so you could hear me say

The sun will rise  
The sun will rise (The sun will rise)  
When you've lost your lights  
The sun will rise  
It'll be alright (It'll be alright)  
It'll be alright  
It'll be alright  
It'll be alright

Although you can't see it  
So hard to believe it  
Sometimes you just need a little faith (All you need is a little faith)  
There's an answer to your prayer  
And I swear that there'll come a day, yeah

The sun will rise

It'll be alright

The sun will rise


	22. Chapter 22

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I know I say this with every chapter but I'm so amazed with the response to this story. It absolutely blows me away! Red Velvet is drawing to a close with this chapter. I don't feel the title is right for Paige and Emily any longer so this will be the official ending to "Red Velvet" but by no means is it the end of their story. Any future updates will still fall under this story but I plan on working the chapters in under a different title. Care to make a guess what that will be? New color, new fabric...big future...and yes, its been mentioned before. The first time being in chapter 5! :)

In the last author's note I mentioned an open ending for 21, and I also welcomed anyone with opinions to email me with those. This chapter was already written in advance but I was willing to take opinions and make changes if they were needed. I'm very happy to say that I received an out pouring and I didn't have to make a single change to my original plans. I did however receive one guest response voicing their disagreements and I respect their opinion, seeing as it was a guest I wasn't given the chance to respond privately. That prompted me to write the public announcement. My plans will continue exactly as I've planned since chapter one. The main note was that RV isn't what they expected from the dream sequence in Blue Lace and to that I'm going to say...I havent even caught up to the dream sequence yet. But I will. Of course it isn't the same because we aren't there yet, but I will surpass it by far.

Thank you for taking the time to follow this story and for sharing it with others and a special thank you to everyone who has left such beautiful reviews and sent me messages voicing your opinions and love for the story and the characters. In a way these original characters of mine are such a test to me as an independent writer. I know now, with the success of Marley, Riley and Peter, that I'm capable of writing a story that's completely mine and one that doesn't lean on a fandom. Thank you so much for everyone showing their support for them because they're my heart and the biggest Paily shippers.

I also don't write for a strictly lesbian audience. I write on a spectrum and Marley and Riley help me to cater to all sides so unless its preferred that I change Paige and Emily to do that themselves I think Marley and Riley are probably better suited to help satisfy readers of different sexual orientations. But that should also go without saying.

A thank you to all of the amazing, life-long friends, that I've "met" along the way. My best friend in the world **Lainierb:** Lanie, You are my rock and Gah damnit I love you so much! **Saii79** is simply an amazing and beautiful person, the best artist and I'm so lucky to have her selflessly creating cover art for this story. Theres so many people I want to thank and I know if i start typing them out the word count will go up a lot. You all know who you are and I won't hesitate to tell you how much you mean to me and how much you all inspire me.

Paige and Emily have a bright future and it doesn't end here! Spoiler alert ahead...this chapter picks up exactly where the last left off and due to the majority votes...not one change was made.

Sex happens.

Enjoy, Lovely Readers! I love you all!

* * *

**_"What matters is to live in the present, live now, for every moment is now. It is your thoughts and acts of the moment that create your future. The outline of your future path already exists, for you created its pattern by your past." _**

**_-Sai Baba_**

As Riley started the engine she settled back into the leather bench seat and lifted her arm to wrap around Emily's shoulders, excitement racing through at just being able to hold her close again. Its felt so peaceful now and she felt whole again. More whole than she'd ever felt before and that had to mean something. She knew there were two important people that she was missing in her life but this was still the moment when she felt truly complete, this felt like the moment she was meant to live for. Not necessarily this place and time in the backseat of a car but just the feelings that surrounded it. She was finally beginning to feel the reason she survived the car accident. It was in Peter and the fact that even though she gave him a hard time on the phone she knew he loved her and would do always do everything he could to pull through for her...even on his own. It was in Marley's contagious laugh and her spirit and in Riley's green eyes that melted every time he smiled. It was Emily. God, its everything about Emily. Emily;s fearlessness and Emily by her side, Emily loving her. Marley is happy and safe here and they're all together heading home.

Riley would likely give her shit everyday for the rest of their lives about kissing her but that was just the playful Riley. Grief from him over Marley was clearly deserved because she should have thought that turning to the love of his life could potentially hurt him. She was lucky he was forgiving and somehow understanding of a situation he really knew nothing about, though judging by the fact that he'd overheard them discussing the kiss when he seemed to be sleeping there was really no telling how much of their conversation he'd heard. The parts with the details about what Cassie had done to her? Marley gaining insight to the fact that his love for her was seemingly limitless or that he's only ever seen her? Whatever he'd heard he didn't let on. Riley was always humble and gentle that way. He could rough house and play all day but being proud or boastful was never him and that was something she'd learned ten years ago at the age of thirteen.

She pressed her lips into Emily's hair as Riley accelerated towards out of the parking lot towards the highway on-ramp and forced the cool air to circulate faster through the dark interior. It left the leather seat the perfect temperature as it was warmed more with each passing second from the heat of their bodies. Even without heavily tinted windows the sky was black and full of crystal stars. They comforted her and reminded her of the twinkling lights in the tent.

"Hand check." She chuckled, smiling proudly and feeling Emily breath a laugh against her chest as she called Marley out. She was biting playfully at Riley's ear, him urging her on with his fingers lost in her hair or at least...not doing a damn thing to discourage her. Typical.

"Seriously, Paige?" Marley turned to them. "Coming from the girl that was about to go all 'covert sex fantasy' on Riley's car? 'Hand check' me all you want because the best don't need to _use_ their hands." She tossed the blanket over the seat at them with a smile just as proudly. "Just please keep yourselves covered. I'm going to sleep now because I drove for ten hours so be quiet back there."

Her mouth gaped at what Marley was suggesting while _she_ simply planted a chaste kiss on Riley's lips and sunk lower into the seat, resting her head on his leg and falling out of their line of sight. She cleared her throat lightly and forced control over her thoughts as she shifted herself lower too, wrapping the blanket around them and holding Emily close against her chest. She pressed a soft kiss to Emily's forehead and took a lingering moment to breathe her in deeply.

"Tired?" Emily whispered,

She nodded and yawned against the top of her head and squeezed her closer, bringing one hand up into her hair. The blanket was soft and warm and the colder air made for the perfect environment for sleep. The dark and quiet space urged her eyes to close with the hum of the engine and Emily's soft breaths. Minutes passed and she was floating somewhere close to sleep. Every time she tried to let it pull her under part of her would fight it, remembering the nightmare of the car accident from before. She hadn't had those nightmares in years and this revisiting of them made her wary to fall back into them all over again. Her body was relaxed nonetheless, comfortable just hovering in between.

A loud bang changed that feeling of relaxation into one of annoyance and confusion as her eyes flew open to see Riley's fist crashing into the steering wheel. Her mind going from peace and quiet to 'What the fuck' so quickly. Her heart hammered from the sudden startle and she eyed the back of his head curiously, knowing full well that Emily was doing the same thing. Riley didn't say a word or acknowledge them at all, instead he moved to turn the air on a higher setting and...hit the steering wheel again making them both jump. It was softer this time but uncalled for nonetheless and she shook her head. Marley was sleeping and she wasnt the person to wake up especially not after ten hours of driving. This was dangerous on his part but he should know that already without having to be told.

"You're gonna wake Marley up if you're not careful." She warned.

"Yep cuz she's sleeping." Riley nodded.

Her eyebrows crinkled even more at his obvious reply. "Yeah...clearly."

"She's sleeping." Riley mumbled quietly. "Ten hours of driving will make you sleepy. Holy fuck..."

She'd had moments like this before but this was the first time she really contemplated calling him a fucking moron if he was willing to wake her up. What the hell is his problem? Her mind worked fast. Maybe he was more upset about her kissing Marley than he'd let on. Maybe she or Marley had said something else earlier that had pissed him off. There was no way to know without asking but even asking seemed risky when he was a threat to hit the steering wheel again. Quickly she found herself weighing options. Either ask him and risk more hitting or keep quiet and hope he pulled himself together on his own without waking Marley up. Neither sounded good. She didn't like biting her tongue but asking may be the greater evil at the moment. She watched him carefully and Emily was doing the same thing.

Riley sunk a little lower in his seat and his eyebrows furrowed as he chewed on his bottom lip, clinging tightly to the steering wheel. He didn't seem to notice them at all, his eyes only on the road and he mumbled as though he was talking to himself...whispering softly. One hand fell away and dropped into his lap, into Marley's hair while she slept which was sweet of him, but he shifted anxiously and his body was tense. Her eyebrows crinkled more while studying him and moved to lean up over the seat. Okay maybe talking to him was the better option because something was wrong.

"Riley, whats your probl..."

As she moved Emily caught her by the arm and one hand covered her mouth to pull her back against the back seat again.

"shhh" Emily breathed with a sly smile.

Her eyes flickered to Riley again and it made sense sooner than she wanted it to.. which was never. She wanted to unthink it immediately and with Emily's hand over her mouth she couldn't scream at him so she opted to try and laser him with the burning of her eyes into the back of his head, scolding him and shaming him in the same second. Marley wasn't sleeping. Not even close.

Her eyes moved to Emily, trying to apologize but she was smiling softly and how could she not melt at seeing her smile? Emily moved closer and pressed a kiss to her lips, bringing a hand to grip into her side and pulling her to lay down across the back seat. She couldn't begin to ever fight the thoughts working into her mind now. Forget the front seat...Emily was here pressing her into the shadows. Emily spread the purple blanket evenly on top of them and snuggled under her chin planting a small kiss on her collarbone and pulling the air from her lungs with the breaking away of her lips. She looked down at her as she pulling her mouth away and was met with a smile so flaming that her skin burned just seeing it.

"I need you to be really quiet." Emily breathed.

She swallowed hard but she nodded quickly. Her throat tightened and her tongue moved to lick the dryness from her lips. She didn't want to stop this. Emily lowered her hand beneath the blanket as Riley hit the steering wheel again followed by the sound of The Beatles now filtering through the speakers, Riley's timeless favorite. Emily's fingers grazed over the flat of her stomach and she shivered as she released the button on her jeans and sunk her hand lower. Her heart pounded but her body ached to touch her and to be touched. She couldn't stop the hushed whimper that left her throat as Emily ran her fingers across the crease of her thigh, seeking out moisture she could feel growing from the moment she'd pressed Emily into car in the parking lot. Fuck. She couldn't think straight but she focused enough to remember where they were at the moment. In the backseat of Riley's car while he and Marley sat just a few feet away, likely engaging in sexual acts of their own. Fuck if she thought they all couldn't get any closer. The sarcasm was so heavy in that thought it almost made her laugh...or cry.

Her eyes slammed shut and she forced herself to think, to make a fast decision because Emily's fingers teased lower. She opened them again to look at her and the smile in her eyes, the danger and sense of adventure that had been absent from Emily's life for seven years. She wanted to live again and love and make choices for herself and her life. The smile on Emily's lips was her choice. She reached to stop Emily's hand from moving lower and was met with hurt eyes that she prayed she'd never have to see again for the rest of her life. She moved quicker now. The decision was made. She rolled over Emily slightly and braced herself on top of her, resting on her elbow with her back to the front seat and shielding Emily completely with her body. The blanket did the rest to cover them.

"Riley?" She called, not tearing her eyes from Emily as she said his name.

Emily was curious now but the volume of the radio increased, so loud it should hurt her ears but it didn't. Eight Days a Week. Of course it was one of the most innocent and perfect songs of love for the most uninnocent of perfect acts. Emily smiled again and lifted her head from the seat to kiss her. Her fingers shook but she ignored it and moved to pull hard at the button of Emily's jeans, sinking lower without hesitating and running immediately to wet heat between her thighs. Emily responded, her hungry eyes closed and her back arched off the seat as she bit hard at her lower lip. This is what Emily wanted and she couldn't lie...she wanted it too. She let her forehead rest against Emily's, shaking breaths leaving them both as her fingers glided down her flesh. Shes wet, almost painfully and her hand is gripping tightly into her arm as her fingers explore further.

"God, Em..." she whispers, lowering her mouth to lick lightly across her lower lip and smiling when Emily parts them for her.

Her tongue slipped forward and Emily's hand moved to clutch at her neck to pull her closer, whimpering into her mouth. Her fingertips grazed roughly over her bundle of nerves and Emily gasped into her mouth and bucked her hips up feverishly into her hand, begging her to keep pressing. She felt oblivious to everything outside of the two of them but still aware enough of the risk that her adrenaline was only growing. As her thumb brushed over Emily's clit again... she became aware of how turned on Emily was. She moaned softly into her ear and begged in such a quiet way that nearly crippled her body. It was just a breath...but it was burning.

"Yes..." Emily's eyes slammed shut and grip tightened on her shoulder now and her hips continued to roll slowly with her hand. "Please...yes...Paige..."

Pushing two fingers inside of Emily her head began spinning from feeling how tight she is around her and how hot, pulsating and clamping harder as her arousal increased over her hand. Somehow even over the loud volume of the music her ears could pick up Emily's breathing and the sound of wet skin as she pumped her fingers into her faster, rolling her thumb over her clit in the same strokes. The scent of her body reached her nose and made her weak. It was pure sex and lust and she was making Emily feel this way. She was making Emily...

"Em..." She breathed.

Emily shuddered against her body and came on her fingertips, hugging her so tightly she could barely move even if she could bring herself to try. It was Emily's body telling her to stay. She rocked with her gently, pushing into her slowly now and working more moisture from her body. She wanted more of her. The slick heat coating her fingers only made her mouth water and she tried to fight it without having an easy way of satisfying the craving. It became a problem in the forethought of her mind as to how she could pull it off and her head turned to look over her shoulder at the front seat. Fuck it. She couldn't see much up front anyways because the seat blocked her eyes but she could see enough. They were just dark silhouettes and somehow Marley had managed to straddle Riley without making him falter in steering the car, though he seemed to have slowed to a lower speed, and once again she was buried in his neck. There was no telling the extent of their sexual escapade but with the slight movement of her body against him a car accident would be pretty awkward for all of them at the moment. She'd seen most of Marley's body during the card games even when a purple shirt wasnt clinging to her chest like it was now. She'd lost her fair share of card games to Marley too and she was blocked by the seat anyways. Due to three unfortunate streaking bets when she and Riley were teenagers she'd seen plenty of him also. You'd think they would have learned after the first bet but no...winning or losing it was always fun and the grounds security never attempted to grab them and stop them for obvious reasons.

Fuck it again.

She pulled her eyes back to Emily panting quietly and her mouth drew her in, the tremble there that she tried her best to soothe with her own lips. Her tongue should be hot but it was almost cold from panting and taking the cooler air. It felt like her job to warm her lips and her tongue traced lightly over her mouth, capturing Emily's tongue as it moved eagerly to find hers. Emily's arousal increased as she slowly pulled her fingers out, spreading the hot moisture through her folds and pulling her back up from the seat in a sensual arch.

"Is this what you want?" She whispered, smiling as she sucked on Emily's lower lip and traced her wet fingers across her flesh. It was now that she started to half-question whether or not the waitress at the diner had drugged their food. "You're okay with this?"

Emily smiled against her lips and latched gently on to her tongue before moving lower to nip at her chin. "I'm okay but you can always just tell me no."

"Fine, I'll tell you no to telling you no. Does that count?"

"No." Emily smiled proudly. "We can stop though...if you're uncomfortable or..."

"Not a fucking chance." She grinned. "Keep watch."

Before she could stop herself her hands were clutching at the denim on Emily's hips and trying to work it down. She expected Emily to fight this but her smile only widened as she bit her bottom lip and raised her hips to aid with the process. Emily's mind seemed to be working as illogically as hers was. Think first, consequences later. Who cared if their bodies became exposed for the world because right now the urge to satisfy each other was stronger. Emily didn't hesitate to kick her jeans off and if she wasn't bothered by this than how could she deny her? Talk about lack of boundaries in this business. Their tolerance for crazy and irrational would probably be lethal to the normal folk.

She pressed a light kiss to Emily's lips and moved quickly, hooking her right arm under Emily's thigh and bending it up while at the same time sliding herself down her body. Her lips found Emily's smooth stomach as she worked down and pushed the emerald thermal up just enough to allow her to lick across her belly button and down to her hip, feeling goosebumps rise as she went. Her mouth watered more from the scent that was so much better the lower she moved and it pushed an urgency into her body to really take Emily for herself. Uncaring of the others nearby...the aching to have Emily coating her tongue instead of her fingers was unbearable. It was hot beneath the fleece blanket and made her lungs feel heavy but she could breathe Emily like this forever, concentrated in air that felt like fire. The cold from the vents didn't touch her here, only Emily and the heat and perfume of her body with nothing to taint it.

Her lips parted and the moisture on Emily's thighs drew her in. Starting at her knee she moved her lips up with hungry kisses and smiled the moment she started running into the sugar of Emily's body. Her tongue slipped forward then to lick the rest of the way, sucking across the crease of her hip. She had to close her lips over Emily as her tongue reached her arousal just to stifle the deep moan trying to leave her throat. The taste of Emily's body couldn't be described in just a word. Sweet, yes, but words were too simple compared to this. This was a feeling, a flutter in her chest that radiated through her body. Emily's fingers entangling in her hair only increased that flutter. She couldn't see Emily's body in the dark and that only heightened her other senses more as she pressed another kiss to her and made Emily tighten her grip. Her tongue moved slowly to clean the aftermath of her orgasm, massaging her with her lips and breathing heat across her skin. Emily's breathing was still calming, her body relaxing and her hips rolling slowly with each stroke of her tongue that gathered every drop of arousal. She wanted it on her tongue instead...her throat, she didn't want to waste any of her.

The flavor drew her tongue straight to Emily's opening and begged her entrance, but she stayed away. Instead she pressed the pad of her tongue firmly and ran it slowly up over her clit again, lingering there for a moment and then moving lower to repeat. Each time Emily's breathing picked up more and her stomach quivered. Her hands moved to the soft skin above Emily's pubic bone to hold her down, using her strength to keep her still when the rocking of her hips increased and circling the tip of her tongue lightly over her bundle of nerves, just barely touching her. Emily's thighs began to shake, twitching from the direct contact to a still sensitive place. Even with the tender touch Emily's fingers tighten more in her hair signaling how close she was. Releasing her she moved lower to drag her tongue across her flesh again, repeating it until the panting in Emily's lungs warned her that moans were getting hard to stifle now. Emily didn't have to scream to let her know she was coming. She push her tongue inside of her and instantly Emily responded the way she wanted her to, her walls clamping tightly around her. She could feel her heartbeat and the pulse of her orgasm that sent goosebumps across her stomach where her hand was still holding Emily still. Each tiny bump could be counted as another shudder moved through her girlfriend's body. She moaned lightly again, tasting her fully and feeling the way Emily sucked her stomach in and raised her hips to get closer. She couldn't see her but her mind could picture how beautiful she looked making these movements.

Emily was pulling now, tugging her hair and at first it encouraged her to stay and clean the new moisture now coating her tongue but Emily's hands quickly moved to grab her shoulders and pull her back up, breaking her away instead. She was happy being there so being pulled away so abruptly confused her and saddened her at the same time. So much so that she had forgotten where they were.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" She breathed, moving back up Emily's body and glancing briefly towards the front seat.

Marley was still straddling Riley's hips, holding him closely with her eyes closed and cheek pressed to his as she bit at his ear, one of his hands was still lost in her hair...hugging her close. She was whispering something between biting but the loud music drowned every other noise out. There was a carefull and steady rolling in her shoulders...in her body and their attention was on each other.

Her eyes moved back to Emily to see a soft smile on her lips as she nodded and just to be sure she glanced to see that the blanket was still covering them. The smile...she couldn't keep her eyes away from it for long. Emily was like a kid who'd never once been in a candy store and now she was placed in the middle of one, a first taste of true freedom and she could feel the excitement in each breath leaving her lungs. The smile was guilty but exhilarated.

"Yeah I'm okay." Emily's eyes flickered towards the front seat and she could see her cheeks blush in the dark as she let out a soft giggle and brought her hands up to cover her face bashfully.

"What?" She laughed, "This is too weird?"

"It's a little late for it to be too weird don't you think?" Emily giggled again.

"Yes, probably." She ducked her head with a laugh. "This isn't even alcohol induced. I'd hate to see us all near a bar."

"Probably risky." Emily smiled. "But...after I threw up on your boots and almost stripped in a room full of strangers I should probably swear off alcohol all together so I'll try to be the sober voice of reason."

"You're a sober voice of reason on what just happened..." she argued, gesturing to the front seat without looking. "...what's probably still happening."

"Yeah you're right. I can't be trusted on things like this. I've been sheltered for seven years." Emily pouted her lips through a smile and her cheeks warmed seeing her so euphoric, so relaxed and undone while she still fought to breath evenly...considering what they'd just done. "But we can't actually see if anything is happening up there...or was happening. You're just assuming."

She arched her eyebrows skeptically and lowered her lips down to Emily's ear. "If I just had sex with you then you better believe they're doing the same thing." She purred.

"Assumptions." Emily argued stubbornly with a teasing smile.

"Awe you're so innocent and sheltered." She smiled, biting softly at Emily's ear hearing her breathing stop completely.

"Really?" Emily challenged. Her breath stopped too when Emily's hand appeared over her mouth to keep her quiet, the other hand slipping down the front of her jeans. "I told you I'm gonna need you to be really quiet..." she ran her fingers lightly down her flesh and gasped feeling how wet she was. She felt painfully sensitive just from the seam of her jeans but Emily's soft touch sparked more and her eyes slammed shut. "I didn't say I planned on making it easy for you."

Her eyes snapped opened to see Emily smiling proudly and tugging her jeans down her hips. When her mouth was released she kicked them from her legs to help before she straddled Emily's hips. Her tongue moved forward to lick the dryness from her lips but it only increased when Emily shifted herself and flipped her over carefully on her back. Emily's finger clutched at the strap of her tank top and slid it eagerly from her shoulder to lower the heat of her tongue, a shiver moving down her spine at the contrast between fire of her mouth and the colder air. All she could focus on was her tongue moving lower from her collarbone and she swallowed dryly and tried to steady her breathing. It was impossible with Emily's lips moving down with the tugging of her tank top and her bra from her shoulders. Her eyes rolled back when Emily exposed her left breast and lowered her tongue to lick over her softly, sucking and erecting her nipple when it hit the cold air every time Emily pulled back. Gingerly Emily bit at her flesh and made her jaw clench to keep from moaning but this couldn't last. Her tongue swirled over her nipple and moved slowly, planting small kisses up her neck and breathing sweet air across her tongue as she parted her lips to kiss her. The moan that left Emily's throat as she tasted herself on her tongue only drove her to focus on where her hands were at the moment. Her fingers were on a winding path down her ribs and over her hip, gripping hard into her thigh and pulling it up over her own. Pulling away from Emily's mouth she panted across her lips...anticipating Emily's next move. She didn't expect it.

Her eyes flickered cautiously to the front seat and it was dark but Marley was gone from Riley's lap, maybe sleeping now...maybe not...it didn't matter. Her eyes closed again as Emily's fingers teased up her thigh and across her hip, pulling her closer and snaking her fingers straight to the moisture growing between her legs, dragging them to gather it and then bringing her fingers to her lips to lick clean. It was tight knot in her throat seeing Emily so direct and every part of her body ached more for her. Her hand didn't sink lower again, instead Emily pressed into her with her thigh. Her leg soft against her sensitive skin made her head spin and a gasp leave her lips but Emily just smiled. Her ears lost the sound of the blaring music and only picked up on her voice.

"So how about you?" Emily whispered. "Are you okay with this."

She didn't have time to answer before Emily pressed her thigh into her clit and made her whimper, her head spinning more than it already was to the point where her vision shifted.

"Paige?" Emily purred, breathing across her bottom lip and biting softly, soothing it with her tongue.

The smile on Emily's lips radiated her happiness at affecting her the way she was now...how proud she was. She couldn't even nod in response because Emily pressed into her again and moved her lips to her ear to whisper.

"Paige...what do you want?"

Her hands came up to cup Emily's cheeks and pulled her hungrily to her mouth. "Hhhh..." she gasped into Emily's tongue as she pressed further and tried to swallow the tightening in her throat but it only returned. "Fuck...Em."

Emily moved her lips to touch her ear. "You already fucked me actually..." she corrected.

Her eyes widened but instantly they were rolling back into her head as Emily began rocking her hips steadily and pressing her thigh into her clit in firm circles. She felt the pressure forming between her legs and it increased when Emily's tongue rolled over the tender flesh below her ear. This is not the girl from Rosewood. God, she's so happy that this isn't the same girl. The girl on top of her now is shining and strong and fitting perfectly with the crazy people around them. And right now...Emily is crazy beautiful. Her hair curtaining their faces and her dark eyes melting at watching her coming undone.

Her hands moved up into Emily's raven hair to hold her close, breathing in the scent of sugar that she found there. Her lungs were only increasing in their movements and Emily was picking up the pace. She could feel how wet she was and she knew Emily could too and she heard Emily moan against her neck at feeling it coating her thigh.

"Cassie was never good enough for you." Emily whispered. Her heart stopped beating and then picked up in double time. "I'm not sure I am but I'm never gonna hurt you the way she did. What you're feeling right now...this is what you deserve...everyday."

Tightening increased between her legs with Emily's voice tickling past her ear. She ground into her more and Emily applied more pressure. She had spent so much time focusing on making sure Emily knew she was wanted that she kept forgetting that Emily wanted her too... her hips bucked up into Emily's thigh to get herself closer, rubbing against the courser denim.

"God, I want you." she breathed ...rocking her hips with Emily's. "Emily..." She forgot where they were and slammed her head back into the seat as the tension released and ripples turned to waves, ripping the oxygen from her chest. She was lost to everything except for the sensations coursing through her veins and Emily's sultry voice against her lips. No one could get higher than she felt right now.

"You have me." Emily purred. "I want you to always feel like this."

Emily brought her mouth down on hers and relieved the dryness there. Her tongue was wet and hot and soothed her own. She'd never felt anything with Cassie and just like she'd told Marley...Emily made her feel everything.

* * *

"Mar, please just let me pull over..." Riley whispered. "This isn't working..."

I release Riley's ear from between my teeth and pull away to look at him, instantly missing the scent of vanilla and pepper on his skin though I could pretend all day that I don't. The sandalwood is just another weakness I don't like to admit. His eyebrows are furrowed and his green eyes are pained. Thats my fault. I've been playing with him the way he usually likes, testing both of our restraint but not giving in just yet. I worked him to the edge with just my tongue but I pulled away from him at the last second and switched our movements just to slow us down. He's been fighting climax too, wanting it to last. I'm just hesitant to distract him too much from driving for obvious reasons. We've only actually had sex once while driving down deserted back roads and we didn't have any problems but this is different. Emily and Paige are in the backseat and its one thing to risk our lives willingly it's another to risk theirs.

"Babe, I can feel you..." His bottom lip quivers as he pants hot air across my cheek and I swear I could blackout from the scent that it brings. It has my airway threatening to close and my senses clouding over.

My eyes glide slowly down to my hips straddling his and my throat is dry now, my tongue jolting and watering at what I see. With the light from the dash-board I can see a dark spot on his jeans and I realize that I've soaked through mine...he can feel it. I'm turned on as much as he is and I can feel him pressing eagerly against me through denim, but I don't want to disturb the girls by stopping and stilling the movement of the car. The movement offers a sense of privacy in a way and a sense that they're in a separate moment from us. Noticing the stillness would risk pulling them away from each other and I don't want to do that. I swallow the dryness in my throat from breathing heavy and shake my head to clear it. We're both worked up and trying satisfy cravings in the best way we can but my head needs to be pulled back to the present and somehow squeezing my eyes shut to concentrate seems to help.

"...I can stop or..." I try to move from his lap but his hand grabs my thigh hard to pull me back down against him, holding me there while I look at him with questioning eyes.

"Or you can just let me stop the car." He pleads. "Are they even awake?"

I stare at him blankly for a moment with my mouth gaping. "I...I don't know...its dark." I whisper, shaking my head. "I can't see anything and if you haven't noticed I'm trying not to look at all. I'd like to keep it that way so whats the problem with this? This is keeping us on the road and not in a ditch."

"The problem is that this is really hurting me." He whispers. Riley's eyes are sad and I swallow weakly, feeling my heart recoil further away from him. "Denim isn't the softest material for dry humping if you know what I mean. Especially when I can clearly feel that there's nothing dry about you right now." He licks his lower lip on reflex as his eyes move back to the road.

My heart sinks more and I'm so affected by the thought that I'm hurting him in this way. Its hits me hard, being hurt sexually. It's also too close to home when it comes to how I've handled his heart and this is supposed to be the one part of our relationship where I don't hurt him. I can control this and please him and give him some part of what he needs. Sex is just sex. It's a physical act and you don't have to really think about anything to do it. You can get lost easily and wrapped up in the physical feelings and sensations that you lose everything else. I can't start hurting him in this way too.

I nod and move from his hips, careful not to bump him or the steering wheel. I can feel him watching me questioningly but I ignore him because I need to take care of him now. Sitting beside him my fingers move to pull at his belt. If I can satisfy him and keep from hurting him more than I already do then maybe I can keep myself together too and I'm desperate to do that.

"Thats not what I want, Marley." His hand moves to stop mine, holding it gently but still and I'm even more confused by this. He's never stopped me before. "I don't want you to..." his eyes sadden more and his jaw clenched. I can see the flex of the muscle in his temples. "I just want to know if they're awake."

My eyes move hesitantly to look at the backseat, straining them to focus but all I see is a mass of black shadow laying across the seat. I can't see a defined shape of Paige or Emily and nothing has clear detail. Plus if they are awake I'm in no way wanting to intrude on what they're doing so I can honestly say I'm not trying to focus very hard. It's a weak attempt. I keep my voice a whisper but only because I don't feel strong enough right now to manage anything else.

"It's too dark...I can't see anyth..."

Riley's hand moved fast to slap the small ceiling light above my head, making me flinch involuntarily and his eyes snap over to study me. I ignore his eyes because I know they're apologetic for him startling me. It's an embarrassing reaction to quick movements sometimes and I hate it but I don't want to see him hurt more so I make my eyes adjust to see Paige and Emily instead. The purple blanket is draped across the girls but there's no movement from either of them. I can see their legs sticking out from beneath the blanket, all tangled together but there's denim clinging to them both. Letting seconds tick by...they don't move.

"I think they're sleeping..."

Riley pressed the light back off slowly this time and that was enough for him. "Lay down." He orders. "I can't stop here...I need an exit or a pull out just...lay down...please."

I can already guess where he's going with this because I know him so I shift myself lower and lay flat on my back, resting my head in his lap. His hand is on me right away, combing softly through my hair and pulling my eyes closed as I force slower breaths, trying to make my body relax into him but I just can't. He moves slowly and glides his fingers down my cheek before brushing his thumb across my bottom lip. My neck, taking a long moment to rub into me and making me relax more. Across my breasts, massaging gently and teasing me through thin cotton. The soft whimper that leaves my lips affects me just as much as it does him, my back arching up from the seat to make more contact with his hand while mine clutch at the leather seat beneath me. I'm hoping my moan can push him away from the soft touches and back to the place I'm familiar and comfortable with. Riley falters for a moment before he regains that urgency, moving more hungrily down my stomach now and pulling hard on my jeans. He doesn't waste time moving lower. I know I'm wet, I can feel it, but I moan at how sensitive I am to his touch and how easily he glides through me. Its one thing to feel as anxious and on edge as I am but it's another to feel it in action with the softest touch. I can't prepare for the direct contact no mater how much experience I may have with it in the past. It's always new. The friction from rubbing against him for nearly an hour has left me aching and swollen and he fully appreciates this. He's happy that he's responsible for it and that makes me happy in return...relieved that I'm distracting him.

"Damnit, Marley..." he whispers.

It's almost scolding and desperate the way he says my name. I crane my neck back to look up at him and he could be starving from touching me. His emerald eyes are burning but I have such conflicting feelings about him whispering my name in this way. I can't pinpoint which is stronger. I don't know if I'm angry about it or sad, just scared maybe or maybe those feelings are all just so used to coming forward automatically and hiding the truth from me. I can't let my mind wrap around that truth. Not right now, maybe not ever.

I bite my lower lip, proud that just this simple thing is turning him on so much, and I raise my hips to work my jeans down. I have a different idea and one that forces a little more distance between us and I need that right now. Once my legs are bare I'm left with thin black lace clinging to my hips and this time I lay down flat on my back in the opposite direction with head against the passenger door and open my thighs up for him...giving him the visual. Riley's free hand moves to drag his fingers in soft strokes up and down my calf ...the back of my knee...and I can see him struggling. I pull my purple shirt over my head, making my hair fall over my shoulders and revealing a matching bra, watching his breathing stop with seeing the see-through lace. He's still focusing on driving but every other second his eyes are falling on me and increasing the hunger in the green. I bite harder on my lip harder to still the quiver while sliding my fingers down my stomach, tracing lightly over my belly button before moving lower.

"Hahhh..." my hand trembles.

That same longing whimper leaves my lips as I tease the crease of my thighs, careful to avoid where I'm most sensitive but I can feel pressure forming just knowing he's watching me. I'm taking matters into my own hands and this might prove to be more difficult than I expected if I'm trying to make things last because I need more so quickly and I'm losing patience before I've even started. Slowly I grab at the lace on my hips and slide them down, kicking them from my legs into his lap and dragging my fingers lower across my stomach again...my hips.

"Marley..." he protests quietly. "Babe, seriously...don't."

"Shhhh." I soothe, swallowing weakly and trying to concentrate on keeping myself in control.

My eyes slam shut as I ignore him begging my name and I gasp harshly as I roll my fingertips over the growing tension. I can't remember if I've ever been this worked up so quickly without having climaxed already first but this is all-consuming. I can't think, I can barely focus on keeping up the movement of my fingers. It's so painfully good and it still feels dangerous. Paige and Emily are close sleeping and Riley is watching me. God, I usually have no problem wearing next to nothing around the train but this is a different level. This a lot less than next to nothing and having sex with Riley all over the train still feels less intimate than this is, than touching myself. The thought that it's the intimacy and the vulnerability of this that's turning me on so much only scares me into moving faster. It's the harder touches that make me forget how broken I am and the harder touches that make me forget I always will be.

I moan softly and press a little harder on my bundle of nerves and too quickly I'm seeing stars and my chest is panting so I pull back, tracing lower instead to push against my opening and stretching myself slowly. I can feel moisture against my thighs and starting to run down and suddenly I stop caring about making this last. I forget what I'm waiting for and why I want to hold out. I forget about wanting the movement of the car and I forget the green eyes watching me and only think about wanting to make myself feel as good as I can. It sounds reasonable now and I'm too lost to question my logic. I need to find relief from the tension prickling under my skin, just those intense seconds of pleasure that make the work up so worth it because when you achieve that heightened place there's nothing better in the world than the feeling of releasing it.

Pushing my middle finger inside my walls clamp tighter, my palm pressing harder against my pulse. I gather arousal and pull out to spread the slick heat over my flesh, gasping and arching my back when my head starts spinning even more. I can't feel the cold air circulating through the car, all I feel is fire in my lungs and coating my fingers. It's too hot and my skin is fluttering with the panting of my body. I have to remind myself to try to keep my legs open for Riley but they keep trying to close to hold my hand in place. Somehow I keep my mind working just enough to stay quiet but as I circle faster between my thighs I'm losing it, panting more and forgetting where I even am because my goal is so close. My mouth is dry now and my pulse grows stronger beneath my fingertips. I'm dizzy...its like morphine on my tongue as all my senses are deemed useless aside from the growing pressure and my stomach tightening. It's all I can feel. Quickly I push in deeper, pressing the palm of hand into my clit only to pull out and rub it directly,faster, and this the kind of orgasm I'm searching for, the kind that makes me tremble and my vision shift.

"Fuck ...fuck fuck..." I breath, gasping as I feel Riley's fingers enter my body.

My walls clamp tightly around him. My back arches up and I'm thrown over the edge, pressure uncoiling around my groin in a shiver that shoots off through my veins. Riley keeps with the movement of his fingers, working over my g-spot and making my body water over his hand. My thighs clenched around him and hold him there with the rocking of my hips.

There's a moment of panic when my eyes flutter open to look at him because neither of his hands are on the steering wheel. My heart stops before I quickly realize that he's parked the car at a dark rest stop and he's pulling his seat belt off with his free hand while his other is still slowly moving with my hips. The engine is left running to continue the vibrations and the music through the speakers belting out Riley's favorite album but the sound of wet skin makes my throat dry over the voice of John Lennon singing 'Ticket To Ride'. I lick my lips to moisten them but they dry instantly with my shaking breaths as I watch Riley and ignore the words completely. The words hurt. The sound of sex must have had the same effect on him because he shifts in his seat and lowers his mouth hungrily to lick the moisture from my thighs and then my fingers...the heavy glisten between my legs. His tongue is fire against my cooling skin as he drags it over me and my jaw tenses painfully. My teeth are screaming just to keep myself from actually screaming at how good this feels on tender skin and how slow and tentative he's moving and I'm throbbing against his lips. He breaks away with a popping sound only to press the pad of his tongue into my clit and shaking his head against me...trying to get me off again. Its building.

"God, Riley..."

My fingers twist into his hair, at first to pull him closer but just as quickly I whine, my thighs clenching to push him away. He meets my eyes curiously but I ignore that too and now I'm pushing myself into that rough and careless place that I've tried to master throughout the years. I know it well. Its safe and comfortable for me. I push him back into his seat and move quickly to straddle his hips again. He's caught up in the moment now. His breathing is becoming rapid with anticipation and my hands moved to pull feverishly at the buckle of his belt while his come up to get lost in my hair, resting his forehead into mine. I feel damp all over my body and I can smell myself on his breath and it drives me faster. It's like a personal branding saying he's mine and it makes me smile as I close my fingers around the hem of his shirt to pull it over his head. With it gone my mouth moves to bite gently below his collarbone and my nails scrape over the muscle on his chest while his hands move to my back to hold me closer. He's hugging me, he's trying to slow me down but I can't. At least this time I have a real excuse to keep things faster. The two lovers sleeping in the shadows of the backseat could wake up at any moment. Reaching back for his hands I guide them to clutch at my hips instead. The only article I'm still wearing is the thin black lace clinging to my chest and its fine staying. I need his attention elsewhere. He thinks otherwise. His mouth moves lower slowly to swirl his tongue over my nipple through the delicate fabric letting his hot breath seep through.

"Come on, Riley." I whimper in his ear, trying intentionally to urge him on. I want the final say in speeding things up to be his ...but I'll help him along. "You want me, don't you?"

"Don't ask stupid questions." Riley smiles, moving back up to bite at my chin...my lower lip. "Its cute but...fuck, you know better."

"Could have fooled me." I tease, moaning softly into his mouth and tasting myself on his tongue. This flavor mixing in his mouth only turns me on more.

"Yea well...you've never fooled me." He scolds, pressing his tongue deeper across the roof of my mouth and keeping with the fast pace he knows I want.

His hand snakes lower to line himself up with my entrance and my body aches at the heat of his smooth skin against me. I swear I can feel the single drop of arousal that isn't mine. Its hotter than mine...its his and I want him. His other hand pulls my hips down hard and I'm so wet that he's buried completely in one thrust. The different aches that start in my body all at once are consuming. There's the pain shooting up my spine...the thing that keeps me grounded and focused on only the physical feelings, the way he hurts so much as he's stretching me. The pain that feels good and pulls a sharp cry and moan from my throat that I silence against his neck. The worst is the pain that comes with the words he's just spoken. The other day he called me out and let me see his pain over the bruises on my hand because he's knows what Cole did to me. He's calling me out now too. I've never fooled him. I can feel the ache in my chest from hearing him say that. Its more than an ache...its stabbing and its growing like wildfire.

I press my cheek to his and twist my right hand into his hair to hold him to me but my eyes and my left hand move to the red and blue of the tattoo twisting up the muscle of his arm, the way the colors bleed into a purple. Dragging my nails carefully over the colors Riley keeps with the deep and firm movements into me, his face buried in my hair and sadly each thrust hurts less than the one before. I'm being consumed by the hurt in other parts of my body...my chest and the beating there, the burning behind my eyes as they land on the purple bruise across his shoulder from being thrown by Ember. Its much lighter now and barely visible and a I touch it with my fingertips, Riley notices. The gesture is so soft compared to the harder movements of our hips and he falters slightly. My jaw clenches and I make a decision before I can stop myself, bringing my lips lower to press a tentative kiss to the fading bruise and lingering there to relish the vanilla and pepper of his skin...the sandalwood. The second I make soft contact his hips jerk against me and goosebumps rise under my lips, across his skin as he pulls away shuddering. His words are haunting me right now. This feels like the beginning of the end. I've been biding my time but this is it. I hug him tighter and press a light kiss to his jaw before pulling myself away to grab my clothes.

I'm losing him.

* * *

Light and warmth seeped through her eyelids and they opened to faint sunlight coming through the windows of the car. Its seemed early still, the sun low and just starting to turn the sky from pink to blue. She'd only been asleep for a couple of hours maybe. Emily slept soundly against her chest wrapped in the purple blanket and her heart skipped as she lifted it off her just enough to make sure that they were both fully clothed. They were. It felt like a sexual hangover, hazy though they'd both been of sound mind when they made the decision to have sex in the back seat of the car while Marley and Riley engaged in adult behavior up front. Possibly of sound mind, maybe not. Fuck. She squeezed her eyes shut to mentally scold herself but the clearest image in her mind was the one of Emily smiling. She couldn't ever regret that.

Her eyes moved to the front seat instead to see Riley sitting relaxed behind the wheel. His head resting casually into the seat while he chewed quietly on a piece of gum and tapped a thumb softly on the steering wheel to the Beatles that were now just a hushed whisper through the speakers. She stayed still. She could either test the waters now while Marley and Emily were still sleeping or wait for the awkward encounter of all four of them unable to look each other in the eyes.

"Morning." Riley whispered, making the decision for her. There was a slight smile tugging at his lips, one she recognized as his 'we're both guilty so lets just get this shit over with' look. He kept his eyes safely on the road.

"Hey..." She straightened herself carefully out of Emily's arms, trying her best not to wake her, and spread the blanket over her before leaning forward hesitantly. Unsure of what she'd find if she looked over the front seat she kept a distance so she could avoid any more awkward moments. "So...um about..."

"Neither of us saw or heard anything." He offered quickly. His smile was gone and she took a deep breath knowing he was telling the truth. It was genuine.

"Good..." she replied. "Yeah us either."

"Great." He nodded. He looked back and smiled at her now. "Deep breath, Paige. We're all grown ups here." That was questionable. "It's not that big of a deal." Maybe not.

"I know." She agreed quickly and her body relaxed more. "I'm fine just...making sure you are."

"Completely." He nodded again.

"Remind me why didn't just get a hotel room?" She joked.

"Probably because if we waste anymore time Peter will be dead from a heart attack by the time we get there." Riley smiled. "You're fault..of course."

"He'll be fine." She sighed. "I think it's the minimal punishment."

"What?" he teased. "Your torture number isn't 'twenty' anymore?"

"Death by heart attack isn't good enough to be twenty?"

"Shit, not if castration is your 'eleven'." He chuckled. "I'd rather die." He laughed again and then smiled nostalgically for a few moments, his mind going somewhere else. "Do you remember all the trouble we used to get in together? I think your parents hated me there for a little while."

"I'm assuming word 'castration' triggered images of nude runs through the grounds?" She teased. "Because that's what would have happened to you if my dad had caught us."

"Very likely." Riley nodded in agreement. "But they didn't like me sometimes even without knowing about the nude runs."

"You were seventeen when we first did that...I was younger..." She forced a deep breath to relax further and leaned in closer to rest her chin on the seat. "But it's probably because you lit my grandparent's truck on fire."

"That was bad wiring." Riley argued. "Purely electrical."

"You don't toss fire near an open engine." She retorted. "Whatever it was they thought you were a negative influence on me. I think they figured out pretty quickly that I was way worse on you. Thats when my mom started pinching your cheeks every time you were around."

"Nah we both were pretty bad sometimes. I just waited until they weren't looking." Riley smiled again, little dimples forming in his cheeks as his emerald eyes moved down at Marley.

She chanced looking down to follow his gaze and her eyes fell to Marley sleeping on her back with her head propped against his thigh. Her hair was laying in chocolate twists and curls around her face and her lips were in a slight pout. One arm was draped over her forehead, shading her eye and her purple shirt was brighter now in the sunlight, violet and slightly bunched up her torso exposing small parts of her stomach. Riley's hand was resting against the flat of her stomach and his fingers were tracing lazily across the cream skin around the waist of her open jeans.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she glared at his hand like it was capable of hurting her, like all of the times she'd walked in on them in compromising positions in random parts of the train. He couldn't hurt her and she knew better than to think he ever would but after learning so much of what Marley had gone through it was hard not to feel that way now. Maybe it was time for that long overdue talk about his intentions. Instinct had her reaching without thinking to smack his hand away and he recoiled in surprise, pulling back from Marley's bare hip in betrayal and shock.

"What?" He asked, half laughing.

"Hands, Buddy." She warned, glaring while reaching over the seat to pull the zipper up on her jeans and snap the button in place. "Watch your hands and let her sleep."

"Hey, do I tell you how and when you can touch Emily?"

"No because you have no right to." She smiled surely.

"And you think you have the right with this?" He gestured to Marley as she shifted on to her side and buried her face in the soft blue cotton covering his stomach.

"Female comradery, Riley." She smiled. "You're gonna have to deal with it."

He sighed and slouched lower in his seat. "I always do."

Riley smiled at her in a scolding way and moved his hand into Marley's hair instead, twisting carefully with a perfect spiral. He seemed so happy just touching her in any way he could and she quickly felt bad for smacking him away. There had always been a physical and emotional push and pull between him and Marley...mostly her pushing had him pulling but it seemed different now, just the slightest shift. Marley had pulled him closer in the diner parking lot.

"So...how much did you hear?" She whispered. "Last night?"

Riley crinkled his eyebrows and looked at her curiously. "I already told you... we didn't see or hear any of your activities in the back seat. John Lennon plus...we had our own activities to focus on."

"No...no." she shook her and breathed a laugh. "I mean last night between Mar..."

Riley shifted uncomfortably and looked down at Marley with a heavy hesitance in his eyes, shaking his head dismissively. He didn't speak and she quickly caught on to his reasons for that. He didn't want her to over hear anything like he had last night or maybe more accurately he didn't want Marley to know exactly what he'd over heard. She nodded silently and didn't press the topic, at least not right now.

"I love you..." She started.

Riley looked at her playfully. "I love yo... "

"No." She cut him off and shook her head firmly. "I'm not done."

Riley breathed a laugh and nodded. "Okay."

"I love you..." she started again, choosing familiar words. "I know you and I go back ten years...but if you ever hurt her I will castrate you."

Riley smiled again softly and nodded in agreement. "Yeah I know you will."

She nodded and quickly accepted his words. She knew Riley so well but she also just needed to say the words to him.

"One question about you though..." Riley frowned, looking over at her with pained eyes. She swallowed hard and nodded. This could be about so many things there was no reason to try and guess which one. "With Cassie..." he started. Great. "If she did all of that to you then why didn't you just ban her from the grounds? It would have been easier than you having to worry about her or...Marley having to..."

She swallowed the dryness in her throat again and was surprised that it didn't return, surprised that she felt so strong now. She'd thought about her reasons for this two days ago after her argument with Marley in the kitchen. She'd thought about it every time Cassie showed up. This wasnt a foreign topic in her mind.

"I thought if I did it'd make you guys all wonder why. I didn't want to draw anymore attention to it, especially not now...after years. I didn't want you guys to know at all and for the most part that worked didn't it? You guys didn't know." Riley sighed and nodded but he didn't look happy with not knowing and that was fair of him. She'd kept secrets from him and he'd always been there for her. "Cassie used to work for us, Riley. She knows pretty much everyone that still does and I didn't want it to be spectacle because she would have made it one. I just wanted to be strong enough to ignore it all. I wanted to be above her."

"You're right.' He swallowed hard. "I would have asked but only because I don't like seeing you hurting. I'm never gonna like it but I still failed to see that you _were_ hurting."

"It wasnt ever that big of a deal until the other day. Most of the time she'd just bother me and leave without you guys even seeing her." She frowned. "When she started in on Marley...that was enough for me. And then you and Peter..."

Riley scoffed bitterly and his jaw clenched as he looked down at her sleeping on his lap, still twisting his fingers carefully into her curls. "The things she said to Marley almost made me forget everything my parents taught me about how to treat women." His eyebrows furrowed. "It took a lot for me to stand there and listen to that shit."

"I know..." she nodded, watching him quietly as he touched her hair. "I don't really consider Cassie a woman though."

Riley smiled lightly but it was gone just as fast. He bunched his hand gently into Marley's hair and hugged her closer to his stomach, making her stir slightly and bury her face into him more.

"You're mad at me." She noted. "You have every right to be."

"No not mad." He shook his head. "I'm sad that you didn't tell me but..." Riley smiled playfully. "...you've always been independent so I can hardly be surprised now. When we first met and I walked you home all you did was bitch about being capable of taking care of yourself but then you'd tense at every car that drove by."

"I'm a chihuahua." she laughed. "Seriously though, I'm just surprised we're talking about this and not that fact that we all had sex in the same car."

"You had sex in my car?" Riley frowned, looking at her in shock. "What kind of person does that?" She laughed and brought her fist to slug him in the arm but he blocked her. "I'm driving, Paige. It's dangerous to hit me while I'm driving." He lisped, making her laugh again and land a hit to his shoulder. His arm moved and tried to grab her in a head lock over the seat but she leaned back and away from him to dodge it.

"Fuck." Marley whined, making them freeze and look down at her stretching on across the seat. One hand came up to shield her eyes from the sunlight again and the other tugged her purple shirt down over her hips. "God, it smells like Cupid's gymnasium in here. Crack a window and let the sex out."

Riley chuckled and moved his hand quickly to roll the window down. Fresh air rolled in and smelled amazing. Like new grass and morning dew...sunshine if it even had a scent.

"Good morning, Beautiful." Riley purred. It seemed overly sweet even for him which hinted more towards him testing the waters too. Neither of them moved as they watched her warily.

Marley scoffed lightly and sat up to adjust her bra through her shirt and then moved to flip down the passenger side visor to reveal a small mirror. She scoffed again. Shaking her head she pulled open the glove box and shuffled around inside, retrieving a plum eyeliner and a soft pink lip stain. Her blue eyes met her gaze in the mirror as applied a thin line of purple.

"Well...let's not let things get awkward between all of us." Marley joked, her cheeks flushing a little pinker than usual. "We should probably all sit and watch one of those training videos that shame sex in the work place when we get back."

"You had sex in my car too?" Riley lisped, looking at Marley in the same mock horror as before. "Why would you do that?" He bit his bottom lip to still a fake tremble but Marley just looked at him blankly...lacking all amusement for him trying to be cute.

"And the Oscar goes too...drum roll, Paige." Marley sighed.

Embarrassingly enough she didn't hesitate to pat her hands on the seat like a five-year old but she stopped just as quickly because it made her feel stupid. Obviously. Marley rolled her eyes with a smile and applied the soft pink to her lips and Riley just laughed.

"Adorable, Paige." Riley chuckled.

"What?" She shrugged. "She told me to drum roll. When someone says drum roll you're supposed to fucking drum roll. What's wrong with you people?"

"Yeah, Riley." Marley turned to him. "I'm just a good influence with a strong voice."

"I know!" He agreed. "But honestly aside from initiating group sex you were awfully quiet earlier. I was really trying to make you scream more but in such..."

"Tight spaces..." Marley finished for him, nodding sympathetically and patting his leg. "I know babe, it was so hard." She teased, pouting her lips. "You did your best."

His cheeks flushed as he chuckled and that brought a smile to Marley's lips too as she turned in the front seat to look at her. It didn't feel as uncomfortable as she expected it to be. Maybe everything being so relaxed in her conversation with Riley had increased her confidence on the subject. No one had paid attention to anyone outside of their relationship so it seemed the awkward morning after could just be avoided completely from this point on. Hopefully.

Marley just smiled, "Sleep okay?"

"Perfect." She nodded. "So...does this get crossed off the bucket list or..."

"Well...I don't care if you and Emily cross this off your list but I personally never cross off anything sex related." Marley shrugged, leaning her back against her window and stretching her legs across Riley's lap. "Theres always room for improvements."

"Perfectionist." He smiled, rubbing his hand soothingly across the dark denim clinging tightly to her calf.

"Improvements?" She arched her eyebrows pressingly.

"Yeah...I mean we left Peter out." Marley laughed. "That's hardly fair."

Riley's eyes widened and he shook his head firmly. "I know that you're kidding but I still feel the need to say that that's _never_ going to happen. Peter will never be anywhere near my Parker."

"Parker?" confusion just kept increasing with each passing moment, but Marley laughed and nodded proudly.

"It's the name of Riley's peni..."

"Okay stop..." she laughed, squeezing her eyes shut to fight images.

"Oh please, Paige." Mar rolled her blue eyes. "Don't be so fucking sensitive." Her eyes moved to squint thoughtfully at Riley. "Hey Riley?"

His green eyes looked over at her suspiciously. "what?"

"You can Parker right here." She smiled and tapped her finger into the button of her jeans and Riley laughed now, but her confusion only grew. "Park 'er..."

"Oh my God." she laughed and shook her head.

"What?" Marley grinned.

Riley shook his head too as he chuckled. "I'll gladly park 'er there anytime you want but Peter will never be present for it."

"Ugh fine, I'll handle him personally." Marley groaned and laughed when Riley's hand shot out to grab the crease of her thigh to tickle her. "Awe...but poor Peter is lonely." She smiled, trying to swat him away. "There wouldn't be a Spiderman without a Peter Parker, web slinger. Well...you're not exactly slinging webs but..."

She shook her head with a laugh and sighed, looking back at Emily sleeping. One arm was tucked under her head acting as a pillow and the other was up under her chin. God, she looked beautiful, perfect actually. The sun was golden across her face and her hair was nearly perfect around her shoulders. She didn't have to look at Marley and Riley to end the moment with them. She moved automatically to settle back beside Emily again, wanting to hold her and watch her sleep...maybe kiss her awake. Emily's reflexes had different ideas. She was barely relaxed beside her before her eyes shot open.

"Holy shit." Emily breathed, moving her hands quickly to check that she was wearing clothes with wide brown eyes.

"Good morning." She smiled.

She probably shouldn't have been smiling seeing as Emily may be on the verge of a panic attack over what had happened the night before but she felt so happy just holding her that the smile came naturally.

"Holy shit..." Emily's hands went to pull up the blanket again in a panic, double checking to that she was dressed while her cheeks turned crimson. "Shit.. shit..."

"Morning!" Marley laughed, landing another hit into Riley's shoulder to get him to release her. His hand clamped hard into her thigh while she fought against him.

Emily blushed more and sat up in the seat beside her, looking at her with wary eyes.

"You okay?" She whispered, trying to lose the smile on her lips at Emily's reaction to what was probably a lot of images of sexual acts minus the personal boundaries. Marley and Riley were lost now inside of their own playful quarrel and Emily's eyes glanced at them just to be sure before looking at her apologetically.

"Are you okay?" Emily quipped.

"That's not what I asked." She shook her head with a smile. "I asked you."

Emily's eyes lost some of their worry just at seeing her smile and slowly processing the fact that Marley and Riley were playing between themselves and not weirded out completely. Like something like this could ever weird those two out.

"Yeah...yeah I'm fine...as long as you are."

"Then we're all fine." She smiled, moving closer to press a kiss to her lips. "Good morning." She breathed hot across her mouth as Emily smiled into her, tension disappearing from her body. "Sleep okay?"

"Yes..." Emily blushed more as she pulled away and looked around with a new wave of confidence. "Where are we?"

She shrugged and reached over the seat to smack Riley in the shoulder. "Hey, where are we?"

"Good morning, Emily." Riley sang, smirking while blatantly ignoring her question and making Emily's cheeks flush even more.

"Stop.." Marley smiled, slapping his shoulder playfully. "We're almost to Billings...Montana." Marley answered for him, giving her a warm smile over her shoulder. "Ignore Riley...he's in a bit of mood this morning."

Riley turned to look over his shoulder at Emily and she clenched her fists because of the amused smile on his face. "Did you have sex in my car too, Emily?" He lisped.

He flinched as soon as the question left his mouth because he expected her fist to crash into him and he was right to. She leaned up over the seat to reach him when his arm tried to block her punches but he just laughed when her fist made contact with him. Marley threw her hands up in surrender and ducked down low in her seat to avoid being hit by any flailing arms.

"Fuck guys...stop." she whined, ducking again because just when she thought it was all clear she was barely missed by Riley's elbow.

"I'm driving, Paige!" He scolded through his laughter. "Don't hit me when I'm driving."

"I did actually."

She froze with her fist midair and so did Riley, Marley shifting in her seat to look at Emily with a proud smile.

Emily shrugged lightly. "Yes...I had sex in your car."

"Very good." Riley nodded in approval. "The only one to actually give a straightforward answer. You can have sex in my car anytime."

"Why thank you." Emily smiled curtly and that smile made her melt.

Marley chuckled and turned around in her seat again. "Why didn't you find us sooner, Ems."

"I promise I've been asking myself that every day for over a week now."

Her own cheeks warmed and she wrapped her arms around Emily's waist to hug her, starting quick playful kisses against her cheek and moving to her neck. "Well I'm glad you're here now." She smiled.

"Stop." Marley shouted, smacking Riley in the arm and pointing out the window.

An exit of the highway housed a small gas station and nothing sounded much better than stretching her legs at the moment. Well...that and actually hugging Emily from the standing position. Riley pealed through the exit and into the parking lot, skidding the tires into loose gravel and kicking up clouds of dust.

"Okay..." Marley scoffed. "You're worried about grip-soled boots scratching your car but not millions of shards of rocks and likely broken glass?"

"Mmmmm that was a really good dance." Riley smiled dreamily. "Can I be the subject next time...instead of Peter?"

"Psssh you get the private shows." Marley rolled her eyes and threw open the door, flipping the seat up for them to exit. "It's the least I can do for Peter short of actually sleeping with him so don't complain."

"Yeeeeah..." Riley shook his head and gave up. "You're right I'll take the private shows."

She let Emily climb out first and took a breath of fresh morning air as she followed. The lot was large and open to welcome semi trucks pulling on and off the highway and one end was full of them parked in straight lines from stopping to sleep overnight. Her eyes fell on mountains in the distance but the thing that drew her was how vast the sky looked here. Bright blue it looked endless and domed above them, speckled with white fluffy clouds. Her arms instantly found their way into the air over her head to stretch. Emily was already rotating her back and Marley rocked her hips from side to side to stretch her legs but Riley popped his neck with an audible crack bringing all of their eyes to stare at him like he was a freak science experiment.

"That's fucking gross." Marley cringed and nearly gagged as she looked away from him.

"What?" He shrugged, popping his knuckles with a smile.

Emily shuddered uncomfortably and looked away to study the landscape like Marley was now doing and she herself couldn't react at all except for giving him a speechless and blank stare. He looked at her knowingly and she caved and smiled.

"That _is_ really gross, Riley. Don't do that." She scolded, popping her knuckles too and making him laugh when Marley and Emily scoffed at them both.

"Seriously stop." Marley groaned, grabbing Emily by the arm to walk towards the gas station and she gladly followed to get away from the uncomfortable sound.

"Way to go, Paige." He tisked, shaking his head in disgust and sticking his nose smugly in the air as he strutted to follow them.

Sweeping his feet seemed like the only appropriate action to enter her mind, the only thing to knock him back to a more humble level and let his ass hit sharp gravel. This was him thanking her for taking his side? She kicked her boot out hard under his legs. As he stumbled to ground he seemed to check himself pretty fast and just as quickly he laughed in defeat and pulled himself back up to lock her in a hug, scooping her up in protest and trying to carrying her on his back towards the small store while she kicked against him.

"Riley, don't!"

"Look, guys!" He shouted, starting a playful trot after them. "I'm Ember!"

Emily and Marley looked back and laughed as they quickly stepped aside to avoid him charging through but she didn't stop struggling against his hold on her.

"Seriously, put me down..."

"I should put you down them way Ember put me down."

"No you definitely shouldn't." She argued, now opting to hold on to him tighter and hearing him choke as she tightened her arms around his throat. "That was your fault. You never listen to me and I told you not to ride him. Please put me down."

Riley sighed and dropped her legs back to the ground in defeat. "Fair enough." He caved, his green eyes moving to Marley as she slipped inside the gas station door and losing some of the twinkle as he watched her vanish.

She crinkled her eyebrows at him and glanced at Emily who followed Marley inside, leaving them alone without even really noticing they were staying behind.

"Riley, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." He shrugged.

"You're lying to me." She frowned.

"I'm not." He argued weakly, moving towards the door to follow.

"I've known you forever. You wear your heart on your sleeve and right now I don't see it so what did you hear, Riley?" She called after him, firmness in her voice that demanded a response that actually meant something. "Come on..." she pressed, watching him stop in his tracks with his back still to her. "It's just us and you're upset about something so just spill it."

"Yeah." He snapped bitterly as he turned to her. "Yeah I am upset. Okay?"

She swallowed hard and nodded at seeing the emotion in his eyes. They were burning and pained and lost at the same time.

"Okay..so just tell me." She breathed. "If this is about me kissing her... I'm sorry." She shook her head. "I'm sorry that I didn't think of you when I should have and I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I assumed Marley would but at the same time it wasn't her responsibility to tell you. I should have..."

Riley shook his head firmly and he jaw clenched flexing the muscle in his temples. "It's not that." He sighed. "It just sucks...not the kiss but ...both of you girls...you're my life." he frowned and picked over his words. "My girlfriend was raped and I feel like I can't do anything to help her get over that. I don't know how. I can't talk to her about it..."

"I'm sure she'd talk to you about it if you tried..." she disagreed. "I don't think she'd hide anything if you asked..."

"It's not about her talking to me. Its me...its not her." He snapped, trying so hard to keep his voice down. "I'm the problem here. I can't bring myself to ask because it kills me when she's hurting. I'm too pissed off to ask because I don't want to hear the things that'll make me more angry. I'll only get more angry if I ask and that's not fair to her. Marley doesn't need that. She doesn't need me to be angry because I already know she's angry enough."

"Maybe she does need that." She sighed. "Riley...what exactly did you hear last night? Maybe I can help if I knew..."

Riley's eyes grew more sad and his hands moved deep into his pockets. "I can't tell her how I feel because 'I love you' is the last meaningful thing that asshole said to her. It was _so_ important and he just shit on it. I'm scared to tell her because he ruined those words for her. She might be scared to tell me too but I honestly don't know how she feels because she keeps herself from me. You have no idea how happy I am that you're okay after what Cassie did to you because it's the only hope I have that Marley will be okay one day too. That its possible."

Her chest tightened at what she was about to say but she needed to. "I don't know what all Marley's told you but you should know that she went through worse than I did." The pain increased in Riley's eyes as he hung his head, being forced to accept something out of his control. "You also need to know that sometimes 'I love you' is spoken without words. Sometimes its stronger without them." His green eyes came up to land on her again and a sense of relief seemed to flood them. "Dont be blinded by the way he hurt her...start paying attention to the way she looks at you. The feeling existed long before the words did."

She ducked her head and turned slowly away from him to slip through the door, leaving him with those words. She felt powerless to give him anything more.

"You're really okay though?" He called after her, making her stop and turn to him in the doorway.

"I'm great." She nodded, smiling genuinely as he smiled relief back at her. "Marley will be great too. We're calling her Marley aren't we? I call that progress."

His smile widened and moved to follow her, holding the door open as they walked inside and were blasted by the air conditioner that wasn't needed this early in the day. She shivered and looked around, spotting Marley and Emily coming from the back hallway with the restroom signs. The smiles on their faces as they laughed about something made Riley stop to appreciate it too.

"We have really good taste in women." She said surely, nudging his arm playfully.

He sighed deeply beside her. "Of course we do. You learned from me."

"No, you learned from me." She frowned in disagreement.

"Sure, Paige." He smiled sarcastically, moving around her to walk to Marley's side while she and Emily picked over the pre-wrapped pastries.

"Breakfast of champions, I swear." Marley smiled, slapping a package of powered donuts in Emily's hand along with a bottle of cherry coke. "Seriously...sugar is a must."

"I trust you." Emily nodded in approval.

She reached and wrapped her arms around Emily's waist from behind, resting her chin on her shoulder. "Oh good choices." She grinned, looking down into her hand and giving her a light squeeze before releasing her and reaching to grab her own donuts. "I go for the little coconut ones though...with the coke."

"No..." Riley shook his head. "Chocolate."

"Why the fuck does everything have to be a matter opinion with you people?" She tisked at Riley. "Just get your shit together and lets go."

"Slaaaave driver." Marley smiled, picking another package of powdered donuts and moving around them all to walk to the counter.

Emily laughed and nudged her shoulder playfully. "Do I call you boss now or..."

"Oh, that sounds sexy so I would never tell you no if you insisted." She pressed a quick kiss to her cheek while her hands pulled her hips closer. Emily's breath caught hard in her throat as she smiled.

"Okay..." she purred. "Well, Boss...your pants are vibrating."

She looked down to the bulge in her front pocket pressed between Emily's thighs and sighed, reaching to pull her phone out while Emily smiled proudly and grabbed the donuts from her hands. She walked over to the checkout counter beside Marley and Riley and left her to look down at the name flashing across the screen.

"Whats up, Peter?" She rolled her eyes, moving absent-mindedly to follow everyone else.

"Hey can you talk to Sadie and Faye, please?" Peter started. "They're threatening mutiny on me and refusing their time slot because Mary isn't here. They're upset about it because now you're gone too. I told them you were trying to bring her back but they won't listen to me and we're gonna be at our stop in a couple of hours...I don't know what to do with them, Paige."

Her eyebrows furrowed and she quickly covered the phone speaker with her hand and gestured to Marley. "Pssssst." She waved her hand and held up the phone. "How far away are we?" She whispered.

"Couple of hours maybe." Riley shrugged.

She brought the phone back to her ear. "Well I havent caught up with them yet so just tell the girls to cut the shit or I'll cut their checks.

"I'm trying to but they're like dealing with a hurricane without Mary keeping them in line."

"Yeah well its a tough job sometimes but you wanted it so try harder. Hey, where are you guys?" She asked casually. As quickly as he replied she just as quickly hung up the phone on him and tucked it into her pocket again. "Um...Marley ..." she called, stopping beside them at the counter with an urgency in her voice.

"Yes, Paige?" She sighed, tucking her card back into her pocket and smiling graciously at the clerk. "Thank you."

"Hey remember that once in a lifetime thing we talked about years ago?" She pressed, a slight bounce to her stance with a feeling of anxiety.

Marley squinted her blue eyes and looked at her impatiently. "I'm sure we've discussed many once in a lifetime 'things', Paige. Likely one of which happened last night so please feel free to clarify for me."

"No...nope...no we haven't." She shook her head firmly. "Just the _one_ thing."

Riley just chuckled. He knew exactly what she was referring to. It had been she and Riley's hypothetical thing three years before Marley had joined them.

Marley's eyes brighten knowingly. "Here?" She asked.

"Yep."

"Right now?"

"Yes." She nodded soundly

Marley smiled and held her hand out to Riley. "I need to drive." She stated, ignoring the hesitant look that instantly appeared in Riley's eyes. She didn't wait for him to deny her, instead she piled their items in his hands to keep them busy while she reached into the front pocket of his jeans to retrieve his keys and left him holding his breath. "Time to go. Lets go." She ordered, moving instantly towards the door.

* * *

Paige smiled automatically and reached for her hand to pull her through the gas station door and back outside.

"What's going on?" She asked, smiling at the growing excitement on Paige's face as they pushed outside behind Marley.

The sun was already hotter now and the sky was a brighter blue. The wind was strong, kicking up her hair around her face. She wasnt bothered by it because she was too busy noticing the way it touched Paige. Her hair was fire in the sunlight and her cheeks were rosy as the wind whipped her waves across her face and off her bare shoulders. Riley trailed behind juggling donuts and four bottles of coke but he looked excited too and didn't even argue with Marley sliding across the hood to get to the driver's side.

"Um...its just this thing." Paige smiled dismissively. "Like a life long goal."

"Dream big." Riley grinned, passing them to open the door while struggling with his arms full. It seemed both he and Paige both had a very engrained knack for chivalry.

"Lets go guys, move." Marley smacked the top of the car impatiently. "Everyone just slide up front."

She walked with Paige quickly without asking anymore questions. It seemed pointless to anyways because they were all moving so fast. Surely she'd catch on to whatever this was all about...at some point. Paige slid across the seat into the middle beside Marley at the wheel and she climbed in next to her, quickly cramped when Riley squeezed in last and closed the door behind him.

"Well this is cozy." She stated with an amused smile. Riley nudge her arm playfully as Paige and Marley chuckled.

"Hey it used to be worse." Paige retorted. "This car doesn't originally have bench style seating. Riley put them in...like...five years ago? Coincidence, Mar?"

"Not at all." Marley shook her head sternly. "There's no way I would have been able to do what I did last night if I had middle console up my..."

"Well, good to know." Paige's cheeks grew more pink as she cut her off.

"Just treat her kindly. Check your mirrors and hands at ten and two." Riley winked, pleading to Marley and tossing the donuts and drinks carelessly over into the backseat. "And...don't open those bottles for a while."

"I always treat her kindly." Marley smiled, starting the engine and revving it a few times before slamming it into gear and making Riley wince. "Just keep an eye out."

"For what?" She asked.

This seemed like a reasonable question. She needed to know what she supposed to be looking for and with the scenery out the windows it seemed there weren't many available options. Tree...car...tree...field...nothing...more nothing. Oh a rock. Ten points.

"The train." Paige beamed, turning to look at Marley on her other side. "Just get on the frontage road. Chances are the tracks won't be too far off from there. This city isn't that big and its a valley, so just keep going. Peter said they were close."

The tires screeched into the pavement as Marley shifted higher from the parking lot, fish-tailing the back slightly and taking the small paved road following along side the highway. Riley kept his head low as he squinted his eyes looking out the window. The landscape whizzed past and quickly made her dizzy so she opted for looking straight ahead. There was hardly room to move but she wasn't complaining about being pressed into Paige's side and poor Riley tried his best to hug himself to the door so that he didn't intrude on her small amount of space. It was a polite gesture but they'd basically drooled on each other's shoulders for half of the drive so she shifted closer to Paige to try and give him more room. That decision was a win win. Riley smiled at her graciously, win, and Paige's hand went to rest on her inner thigh as though it was an old habit, double win. Her brown eyes still studied everything outside as Marley's boot hit the floor.

"No speeding tickets." Riley pleaded.

Marley sighed dismissively. "I'm good Riley, thanks."

The frontage road was deserted. The highway was to the left and on the right were vast natural fields with shallow cuts into the earth that made just the slightest ripples in the terrain. Just barely there. Much larger mountains peaked in the distance and they looked purple against the bright blue morning sky. She turned in her small space to face Riley and to look over his shoulder and behind them. Out the back window the scenery was the same. Aside from the gas station that was just a speck behind them, there was nothing but barren land with short natural grass moving wildly. A dark line cut through maybe five miles out and looked like a winding stream across the ground...maybe just a country road. They were too far away for her to see that detail for sure. The only thing she could really see was a flash of red moving and a puff of white smoke but it was much further out and completely out of focus. Her heart jumped.

"There!" She shouted, pointing out the back window and making everyone shift around to look too.

"Hell yes, Ems!" Marley whooped and slammed on the brakes. The tires spun out as she turned the car to the right down a loose gravel road and left the pavement behind.

Paige bounced beside her and Marley's foot hit the floor again, bringing clouds of gravel and dust flying out around the car as it tore down the country road. "Oh my God!" She shouted, looking at Marley with suddenly even more excitement in her eyes.

"What?" Marley pressed, barely containing her own excitement while keeping her blue eyes on the road and the train growing closer on the passenger side, still easily miles away.

Paige moved and leaned over her lap to the her backpack still on the passenger side floor and she and Riley tried their best to lift their feet to make it easier on her. She wasn't trying to pull it up completely and the sound of zippers reached their ears as Paige shuffled around inside the bag. After a few moments Paige straightened herself back up and held out her radio in her hand, putting it proudly on display for everyone to see.

"Holy shit!" Marley beamed.

"Right?!" Paige nodded in agreement and shrugged nonchalantly. "I know."

"Hey why the hell are they going so slow?" Riley asked, side tracking their thoughts. He wasnt paying attention to them, only the train moving closer out his window.

Paige sighed and looked too. "He's probably trying to delay. Sadie and Faye are giving him a hard time so I don't think he's looking forward to this next stop at all."

"Damnit with those girls." Marley tisked. "Any fucking reason to make a situation harder than it has to be and those two are right on top of it...among other things."

"Awe because they have the best teacher." Paige smiled, reaching to pat Marley's thigh reassuringly. "They're gonna be so happy to see you."

"I might actually kill them." Marley shook her head.

"No you won't." Paige challenged. "I'm happy they're giving Peter a hard time."

"I'm not. Thats my job." Marley argued. "Honestly, I'll be pretty surprised they aren't burning my room down and dancing naked on the ashes." She sighed.

"Well that can't happen. Its vintage." Paige frowned. "They wouldn't dare waste your room. They'll just take it over for themselves."

"Oh God and have an orgy!" Marley scoffed and shifted higher. "Hell no."

Speed seemed like a bad idea on the loose gravel and the tires tried to protest. Up ahead she could make out a railroad crossing and Marley was going too fast to slow down smoothly. It was fast approaching and her stomach twisted into knots. Everyone else paid no attention and she quickly guessed that Marley didn't plan on stopping for it at all.

"Okay hold on."

"To what?" Paige retorted, clutching tightly to her thigh when she didn't get an answer. "You have a steering wheel. What do we have?"

"I don't know, Paige." Marley shouted. "Be creative. Hold Emily's breasts!"

"Well fine, Mar." Riley sighed. "But only because I can't reach yours."

Paige's eyes widened at his comment but Riley didn't notice. His hand went to brace against the ceiling and the other just flew out to clutch at the dash in front of her protectively, blocking her from the hard plastic with his arm but nowhere close to touching her. Just another innocent gesture. It's not Riley's personality to be anything other than polite but Paige's reaction was cute and made her cheeks warm and she wanted to thank Riley for that.

She smiled at Paige quickly and saw her accepting Riley's sarcasm and already relaxing. Riley whined uneasily and braced tighter to the dash which brought her eyes back to the fast approaching railroad crossing and the dust flying out around the sides of the car. Paige just smiled excitedly now and it mirrored Marley's perfectly. Adrenaline for the speed was clearly affecting them both in a very positive way which wasn't a surprise. Paige smiled like this when she was on her dirt bike and Marley...well whenever she was doing something she wasn't supposed to be doing. It was Riley, the fire thrower, who cringed uncomfortably.

"Mar..." he warned.

At the last few feet before the tracks Marley yanked hard on the shifter, pulling back the speed while slamming into the brakes and cranking the steering wheel to the left. The back of the car spun out horizontal across the gravel road just a few feet short of the tracks and sent a thick wall of dirt into the air and small rocks pinging against the undercarriage of the car. She killed the engine quickly and threw open the door to climb out and Paige instantly moved fast to follow her. Riley opened his door and held it for her as she stepped out too, trying to keep up with the fast pace everyone had even though she just felt confused as to what they were doing out here. There were several options but the only one that made sense was that the train could stop and pick them up but even that was a stretch.

Marley climbed on top of the hood and then moved to the roof and stood statuesque like a Greek sculpture, shielding her eyes from the sun to look down the tracks at the pillow of white smoke still a few miles away. Paige followed her up quickly and so did Riley, leaving her alone on the ground and now even more confused. Paige standing next to Marley in the same way made her throat tighten. There was a jut to Paige's hip. Her eyes glided slowly up the brown boots laced tight to her calves and the dark denim clinging to her legs. The red tank top was vibrant beside Marley's purple and both colors complimented the natural highlights of red and plum in their hair and a pink to their cheeks. God even Riley was a Calvin Klein model with his washed jeans and fitted blue tshirt. She felt plain next to them.

That feeling faded and her heart fluttered when she realized they were all looking at her warmly, the sun lighting them all from above. They were hers now and her throat tightened. Paige smiled and reached down for her hand and she didn't hesitate to take it and pull herself up on to the glowing turquoise paint and stand beside them.

"Okay so..." Paige started. "This is just another one of those things that you don't have to be a part of.." she smiled and brought her radio to her lips while Riley and Marley watched her anxiously. "Peter?" She called.

The line went to static as they listened, Riley keep an eye on the train to their right down the tracks. Marley looked over her shoulder briefly in that direction and then back to Paige, bouncing slightly as they stood silent and waiting.

"Peter?"

"Yeah Paige. What's up?" He asked casually.

Paige released the button and snorted a laugh. "Does he not think its weird that these have a five-mile radius and he's somehow talking to me when I'm supposed to be in Oregon?" Marley and Riley choked on laughter and she couldnt keep herself from smiling too...just seeing the way their faces were lit up "Okay...shhhhshshh." Paige silenced them and brought the radio to her lips. "Where are you, Peter?" She asked, cutting away just in time to stifle another laugh.

"Commons Paige. Where do you think..wait...how are you...where are you?"

"What do you mean?" Paige asked "I'm driving to get Mary and Riley. These radios are _amazing_."

Marley choked on a laugh and shook her head, reaching to take the radio from Paige's hand. "You're following us?" She snapped angrily. "Seriously, Paige...what the fuck are you doing?"

Paige grabbed the radio back and replied to her much softer. "I'm coming to get you because we love you and need you." She held the radio back to Marley and smiled proudly.

"Awe I love you guys too but I'm gonna kill Peter for ratting me out." She purred, dropping their charade. "Left side of the train, Baby. Better find a window fast." Marley dropped the radio to the roof of the car.

"This is the part that you don't have to participate in." Paige smiled and tugged open the button of her jeans. The sound of a belt buckle brought her eyes to Riley doing the same thing...and Marley.

"Oh my God." She laughed, her cheeks burning red and she shook her head in amazement at the train closing in on them.

"Decide fast." Riley grinned.

Everyone turned with their backs to the train tracks, all of them lined up and ready like ducks on the top of the car. Somehow out of all of the options she'd considered for them stopping here...this hadnt crossed her mind. It really should have crossed her mind. Who the hell was she kidding? Riley spread out and moved himself down to stand on the hood giving them a little more room. She stood in the middle with Paige on her right and Marley on her left but...Marley frowned suddenly and refastened her jeans.

"Better idea..." she smiled, readying her hands on the hem of her purple shirt instead. She inched it up to expose the flat of her stomach and stopped just below her breasts to wait as she tapped her boot impatiently on the metal roof.

"Oh dear Lord." Paige chuckled.

Riley whined uneasily and shook his head in protest. "Mar..."

"What?" She shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh please...they're yours and you know it."

Riley's cheeks flushed pink and he ducked his head bashfully with her words, a soft smile conflicting with the tension in his jaw.

"Get ready..." Paige called, bringing their attention to train closing in, now just a hundred yards away.

The whistle sounded and she made the decision quickly. Group sex, albeit a loose term in this case, made this seem like child's play and she pulled on the button of her jeans too, the smile widening on Paige's lips as she turned her back to the tracks and stood beside her. She felt a bit unsteady, standing carefully between Paige and Marley and trying her best to be careful not to bump either of them off.

"Your parents would be so proud of this new lifestyle." Paige teased.

She nodded in agreement and tucked her thumbs under the waist of her jeans and waited. "I aspire to greatness."

"Ready..." Marley shouted. "Now!"

She squeezed her eyes shut and bit back a smile as she pulled her jeans down and hunched over. Paige did too, gasping as the strong hot wind hit her skin. She didn't have to look at Riley to know that they were all indeed baring their asses for the train because she could hear him laughing hysterically. Her peripheral vision told her Marley chose to expose a different part...parts...of her body. The engine tore past and the force from being so close to the tracks made her sway slightly but she recovered and stood sound. They turned to look over their shoulders at the train and it felt like slow motion. She could nearly count each window and definitely didn't miss the open window that showcased Peter's face and his expression of shock. His jaw dropped and his eyes wide as he held his radio frozen in his hand. She didn't miss the moment he dropped said radio out the window on accident or the moment he shouted a beautiful four letter as it hit the ground. Paige straightened herself up first as the train whizzed past and fixed her jeans and she quickly did the same.

"What did you say Peter?!" Paige shouted, cupping her hands around her mouth. Paige busted out laughing and nearly fell from roof of the car. She had to act fast and slip down rather ungracefully. It was worth it to see the way Paige hunched over laughing and kicking at the shards of broken plastic on the ground. "Holy shit! I'm garnishing your paycheck for this one, Mar." She pointed at her sternly.

She buttoned her jeans and followed Paige's eyes to Marley still standing beside her and her cheeks warmed from looking too soon.

"_That_ is not my fault." Marley argued, pulling her purple shirt back down over her breasts and stomach before jumping gracefully down to the ground.

"Well it wasnt Riley's ass that made him have a stroke and drop our equipment from the moving train."

"Who said I exposed my ass?" Riley teased, clipping his belt back in place with a proud smile. "I applaud you ladies for keeping your eyes politely away from my body but Peter is questioning his sexuality right about now." He winked.

Paige rolled her eyes at him and reached for her as she jumped down beside them all and adjusted the waist of her jeans, wrapping her in a playful hug.

"What the fuck?" Marley snapped, pointing at the train. "That's mine!"

"Oooh, I liked that one." Riley grinned.

Her eyes moved to an open back window on the train now fading away. A flash of deep purple satin was blowing out the window attached to a long string and it looked a lot like a kite of sorts or..."Ummm..." Her jaw dropped. "Is that a bra?"

Marley groaned in annoyance. "Damnit, yes and I want that one back but...that was so fucking worth it." she beamed, fanning her long hair around her shoulders as she watched the train disappearing down the tracks. The ground was still shaking from the force even now as it was almost a mile away.

Paige grinned. "You're the reason we got to check number one off our 'Group Bucket List'. If you hadn't stayed behind we wouldn't have had to come drag you back and we would have missed this."

"Damn..." Marley frowned. "See, and I thought the sex was number one on our to-do list but I suppose that was my fault too." She sighed. "I don't usually like working out of order but I'm okay with it this time. You're welcome."

"Well, we blew our cover but we've waited forever to be able to do that." Paige explained, setting warm chocolate eyes on her and holding her closer. "We're always on the train or off only when it's stopped so...we couldnt miss this opportunity."

"So many things are being crossed off my bucket list I'm starting to lose count." She smiled and pressed a kiss to Paige's lips, smiling wider when she pulled away and Paige proceeded to pepper her cheek and neck with more kisses.

They stepped out of the way when Riley moved to open the car door, leaning over the back seat and retrieving the various packages of small donuts and bottles of coke. He spilled his full arms on the hood of the car where Marley stood leaning and twisted the cap off a bottle. Somehow that startled something in her mind.

"Uh hey Riley ..." she tried, cut off by the sound of the bottle exploding in his hands and spray its contents through his fingers, blasting his shirt and Marley that stood beside him. He said not to open them.

Marley gasped from the cold sticky liquid hitting her shirt and threw herself back from him. "Fucking shit, Riley!"

"Gah damnit." He groaned, twisting the cap closed and frowning down at his wet shirt.

"HAHAHA!" Paige's knees buckled and she dropped laughing to the ground and out of her arms. She laughed too but it faded the second Riley's challenging eyes fell on Paige.

"Funny?" He grinned smugly, taking a step closer with the bottle like a weapon. She loved Paige but she didn't hesitate to step away from her in that moment and abandon her to Riley's advance.

"Ems!" Marley called, bringing her eyes to see her shaking another bottle and readying to toss it to her for defense against him. She held her hands up as the bottle left Marley's and caught it effortlessly, making Riley falter and plan his next move more carefully.

"Emily, this is between me and McCullers." He smiled, holding one hand out to talk her down.

"Then its between me and you." She shook her head firmly, fighting her smile and stepping closer to Paige, shaking the bottle even more. Her eyes barely caught Marley over his shoulder, pulling her arm back and releasing a pack of donuts that hit him square in the back of his head. Did she ever miss?

"Fuuuuuck." He turned and set his green eyes on her ice blue and this time he moved quickly, sparing Paige and herself and tearing off after Marley as she turned to run away. Her laughter was contagious and he chased her a short ways out into the field while she continued to dodge him, ducking under his arms every time they tried to close around her waist.

"I swear sometimes I feel like I'm a parent watching my child when Riley's acting like that." Paige shook her head with a smile and leaned casually into the car beside her.

"You're just as playful as he is." She looked down at the bottle in her hands and picked her thumb nail at the lid thoughtfully. There were words in Paige's last sentence that started an assault of butterflies in her stomach and made her smile.

Paige snorted a dismissive laugh. "Nah...no games for me."

"What? You're too serious?" She challenged, tapping the bottle against her palm. "No games for the boss? Or mixing business with pleasure?"

The chocolate eyes looked over at her the twinkle there almost made her lose focus. "Boss?" Paige teased. "I changed my mind. Don't join the Marley and Riley dark side."

Almost made her lose focus. Her wrist started slowly, rotating the coke bottle in her hand and she'd shaken it three times before Paige's eyes flickered down to it and then widened.

"You wouldnt." Paige smiled uneasily.

"Pretty sure that I would."

She shook the bottle a little faster and Paige stepped back but her hand was already moving to twist the cap, holding it out towards Paige and away from her own body. She could feel the pressure beneath her fingertips and the hissing as the trapped air escaped the cap. It bubbled instantly and sprayed a shower over them both and the ice-cold liquid made them both gasp as it hit their skin. She reacted worse than she thought she would and dropped it to the ground to get away from it but it continued to fizz over and spray into the air.

"Shit." She jumped back, expecting Paige to flee also but Paige braved grabbing the bottle and twisted it shut before her arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer.

"Well thought out plan." Paige whispered, bringing her lips to rest against her ear.

She could feel the wet drops from the soda on their skin as Paige's cheek grazed hers. The scent of sugar tickled her nose and made her head spin mixed with the floral and spice clinging to Paige's body. She lost focus then. She didn't notice Paige shaking the bottle for a long moment and when she did her eyes widened this time and she slipped quickly from Paige's arms, ducking around her and tearing off down the gravel road. A smile that spread across her lips quickened her pulse as she sprinted forward and she ears picked up on the sound of Paige's boots hitting hard into the dirt road behind her. There should have been a burning in her lungs from her speed but she didn't feel the discomfort of being winded. She felt limitless and empowered and the air working into her lungs came easily but the footsteps gained on her quickly until she felt Paige's arms clasp around her waist and nearly knock her to the ground. Her boots slid harshly on loose gravel as she was pulled back and forced into a dead stop so abruptly.

"Whoa there, Ember." Paige laughed. "Easy now." Her cheeks hurt from smiling so wide and she coughed on a laugh as she caught her breath. Paige held her steady for a moment and then released her, both of them hunching over slightly as they panted.

"Ember?" She retorted

"Yeah." Paige shrugged. "I thought we already established this."

"Ah yes...our spirit animals."

"Yes and this tiger is tired now." Paige sighed, dropping dramatically to the grass on the side of the road. She laughed and fell down to the ground and sat cross-legged a few feet away but instantly Paige's brown eyes were on her, her voice like velvet. "Come here."

The smile on her lips widened at the challenge. "No." She shook her head firmly.

Paige shifted on to her hands and knees in the grass and crawled closer, slowly. Theres a rolling in Paige's shoulders and hips as she looked up a her through her eyelashes, a tigress moving towards her and increasing the flutter in her stomach. The wind teased at the red in her hair and the sun shimmered on the soft cream of her bare arms and the pink blush on her cheeks as she fought with her own smile.

"I can be Ember." She stated surely, making Paige falter in her advance.

"Oh yeah?" She arched her eyebrows. "How?"

She bit her bottom lip thoughtfully. Running on her hands and knees would be difficult, obviously, but there was something else. Slowly she pressed herself back down into the soft grass and felt it warm beneath her body, soaking through her clothes and heating her skin. Her eyes closed peacefully at the sensation and soft breaths came easily. Ember had shown his comfort and feeling of safety in this way the first time Paige had kissed her. The only sounds she could hear where small birds chirping and the wind through the grass. The silence of everything else...almost.

"You're so beautiful." A whisper against her ear that made her smile and her eyes flutter open to meet warm brown eyes.

They closed again the second Paige's lips pressed softly to her temple, then her jaw. She could stay here all day and just compare the sun to Paige's lips, how Paige was so much warmer. How the scent clinging to her was better than the fresh air, better than anything. There was no way of ever finding something better. Paige moved her lips along her jaw, dragging them lightly and planting a soft kiss on her lower lip.

"Okay for the sake of staying in character here..." a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she opened her eyes to look up at Paige hovering over her. "I don't think Stella would do this to Ember. And this is, of course, going by what national geographic has taught me."

"Stella is a baby." Paige disagreed.

Looking up at Paige pointedly she moved her hands to lower to clutch at her hips, pulling her down closer. "She's a tiger." She argued. "A normal tiger would eat Ember."

"She's not normal." Paige smiled mischievously. "But...my version of her is." She lowered her lips to her throat to plant a soft kiss before grazing her teeth down to her collarbone. "I could eat you."

Paige's words and her breath on her neck made her eyes snap back and while every part of her body ached to be touched by her again, she pushed against those feelings. She couldn't pinpoint the reason at first but it grew more obvious with a humming sound drawing closer. Her body pressed against the urges just enough to focus on the noise as it grew louder and as Paige bit softly against her shoulder her mind remembered the sound.

"Lets go, Paigey!" Riley shouted, bringing his fist into the horn and the car skidding to a halt on the gravel road, kicking up the cloud of dust again. "Emily..." he added curtly, with a sweet smile.

Marley climbed out of the passenger side and beamed proudly as she flipped the backseat up and leaned against the teal blue paint, her arms moving to wrap lightly across her stomach. "Mo ghile mear." She purred, gesturing for them to climb in the back.

Groaning lightly Paige pulled herself up to her feet and reached down for her hand. "Translation?"

"My darling." She blurted absent-mindedly. "Hey, do you think they should meet each other?" She asked, allowing Paige to help her up and moving to brush stray bits of grass from her jeans and shirt.

"Who?" Paige crinkled her eyebrows and helped by picking a piece from her hair.

"Ember and Stella."

Paige nodded thoughtfully and took her hand. "Yeah...probably."

"If Stella eats Ember I'll beat her ass." Marley stated, staring pointedly at Paige with a promising smile.

"She wouldnt...I mean..." Paige shook her head. "She doesn't care about the ponies..."

Marley aside for them to climb in the backseat. "Because they're not threatening...they're smaller than her. Now put a horse, one that has never been close to a real predator, beside a real predator..." Mar shrugged, sliding into the front seat and closing the door. Riley shifted into gear, the tires skidding against the loose gravel on the road and bringing up more dirt. "Please take it easy." She moaned. "I'm starting to feel nauseous with this trip. Either the driving or food poisoning from shady diners. I think I tipped them too much"

"Well yeah..." Paige agreed. "Plus you were driving a little bat shit before."

Marley slouched uncomfortably lower in the front seat. "Yes thank you, Captain Obvious."

"You okay, Babe?" Riley soothed, reaching over to rub her thigh.

Marley nodded lightly and brought a hand up to rub into her temple. "I really think they'll be fine meeting." She sighed, picking up their topic again and struggling to keep the same zest in her voice.

"Its Ember freaking out that you'd have to worry about because that could just freak Stella out." Riley stated.

Marley shook her head. "Yeah...but we're also talking about these two abnormal animals that don't act like the rest of their species. Stella does prefer candy to a steak and Ember wants to hug everyone with his eyes."

"Only one way to find out." Paige sighed, shifting lower in the seat and wiping at the remaining wet spots on her shirt from the coke. "Test it."

"Tranq gun in hand." Riley added.

"I hate that fucking thing."

"You and me both, Mar." Paige sighed. "Its just precaution."

"Oh come on though." Marley turned in her seat. "The day you ever have to use that thing will be the day the show is lost. I'd bet my life that Stella would never hurt anyone...even the other animals."

"My life too." Riley added, giving Marley apologetic eyes when he took a corner too fast and made her groan and sink lower in the seat. "I'm sorry..." he whispered.

"I'm gonna actually sleep now." She declared, laying down across the front seat and resting her head on Riley's thigh.

"Lets go home." Paige sighed, pulling her back into her arms.

She rested her head into Paige's shoulder and closed her eyes, smiling at just being close to Paige, being home. It wasnt just a place to go...home was here. Home was thundering down the train tracks full of amazing people, Stella and Ember. Home was the two loving people sitting close by and the one special girl holding her close. She'd always felt like a caged bird in Rosewood and now...she'd never felt more free.

Finally.

**_"Red is the great clarifier - bright and revealing. I can't imagine becoming bored with red - it would be like becoming bored with the person you love."_**

**_-Diana Vreeland_**

* * *

**_Eight Days A Week -The Beatles (I Do Not Own These Lyrics)_**

Ooh, I need your love, babe  
Guess you know it's true  
Hope you need my love, babe  
Just like I need you

Hold me, love me, hold me, love me  
I ain't got nothin' but love, babe  
Eight days a week

Love you every day, girl  
Always on my mind  
One thing I can say, girl  
Love you all the time

Hold me, love me, hold me, love me  
I ain't got nothin' but love, girl  
Eight days a week

Eight days a week  
I love you  
Eight days a week  
Is not enough to show I care

Ooh, I need your love, babe  
Yes, you know it's true  
Hope you need my love, babe  
Just like I need you

Ohh  
Hold me, love me, hold me, love me  
I ain't got nothin' but love, babe  
Eight days a week

Eight days a week  
I love you  
Eight days a week  
Is not enough to show I care

Love you every day, girl  
Always on my mind  
One thing I can say, girl  
Love you all the time

Hold me, love me, hold me, love me  
I ain't got nothin' but love, babe  
Eight days a week  
Eight days a week  
Eight days a week

* * *

**_Love Will Tell Us Where To Go -Bridgit Mendler (I Do Not Own These Lyrics)_**

I know exactly how you feel  
It doesn't matter what you say  
I see the sun begin to set  
And we gotta, gotta get away  
I gotta patch of open road  
I already miss you with all of my soul  
So before we both get old  
I think we gotta, gotta get away

I keep wishing for all the tickets  
Stack 'em on my wall  
Let's rip them down  
And leave the town before the cops can call  
And bring us back  
Cover our tracks in the dust  
I think we must

Take on the world  
Let's go crazy  
Love will tell us where to go  
I'll be your girl, be my baby  
Love will tell us where to go  
Oh oh oh through a dark night  
Oh oh oh without a sunrise  
Oh oh oh and we will be alright  
Love will tell us where to go  
Love will tell us where to go  
Love will tell us where to go

The wheels on this train keep turning  
We're flying with the birds  
And the worlds so bright  
It hurts when we're on the getaway  
I'm the Bonnie to your Clyde  
You're the mood and I'm the tide  
I, I want this for all of my life  
Since the night that we got away

I keep wishing for all the tickets  
Stack 'em on my wall  
Let's rip them down  
And leave the town before the cops can call  
And bring us back  
Cover our tracks in the dust  
I think we must

Take on the world  
Let's go crazy  
Love will tell us where to go  
I'll be your girl, be my baby  
Love will tell us where to go  
Oh oh oh through a dark night  
Oh oh oh without a sunrise  
Oh oh oh and we will be alright  
Love will tell us where to go  
Love will tell us where to go  
Love will tell us where to go

When things get rough  
When we have loved  
We've got enough to tell us where to go  
When we get lost  
When love is all that we got  
To tell us where to go  
Then we're alright  
We'll be alright  
Love will tell us where to go  
Then we're alright  
We'll be alright  
Love will tell us where to go

Take on the world  
Let's go crazy  
Love will tell us where to go  
I'll be your girl, be my baby  
Love will tell us where to go  
Oh oh oh through a dark night  
Oh oh oh without a sunrise  
Oh oh oh and we will be alright  
Love will tell us where to go

* * *

**_Catch My Breath -Kelly Clarkson (Author's pick) {I Do Not Own These Lyrics}_**

I don't wanna be left behind  
Distance was a friend of mine  
Catching breath in a web of lies  
I've spent most of my life  
Riding waves, playing acrobat  
Shadow-boxing the other half  
Learning how to react  
I've spent most of my time

Catching my breath, letting it go,  
turning my cheek for the sake of this show  
Now that you know, this is my life,  
I won't be told what's supposed to be right

Catch my breath, no one can hold me back,  
I ain't got time for that  
Catch my breath, won't let them let me down,  
it's all so simple now

Addicted to the love I found  
Heavy heart, now a weightless cloud  
Making time for the ones that count  
I'll spend the rest of my time  
Laughing hard with the windows down  
Leaving footprints all over town  
Keeping faith karma comes around  
I will spent the rest of my life

Catching my breath, letting it go,  
turning my cheek for the sake of this show  
Now that you know, this is my life,  
I won't be told what's supposed to be right

Catch my breath, no one can hold me back,  
I ain't got time for that  
Catch my breath, won't let them let me down,  
it's all so simple now

You helped me see  
The beauty in everything

Catching my breath, letting it go,  
turning my cheek for the sake of this show  
Now that you know, this is my life,  
I won't be told what's supposed to be right

Catch my breath

Catch my breath, no one can hold me back,  
I ain't got time for that  
Catch my breath, won't let them let me down,  
it's all so simple now  
It's all so simple now

Catching my breath, letting it go,  
turning my cheek for the sake of this show  
Now that you know, this is my life,  
I won't be told what's supposed to be right

Catch my breath, no one can hold me back,  
I ain't got time for that  
Catch my breath, won't let them let me down,  
it's all so simple now

_**Thank you for reading and stay tuned for Red Velvet Act II: Purple Satin**_


End file.
